EPTHi. This is a look back on my first year in Starcraft 2, which encompassed the majority of the fifteenth year of my life. I decided to share it here since I spent a lot of time writing it, and because I want to improve as a writer. This is the one of the first times I've written for myself, and it felt good. There's probably a ton of errors and stuff since I'm pretty bad at conveying thoughts in a clear manner. Regardless, I hope you will read through and post what you think of it.
Early Release
After a month of playing Starcraft 2, I was ranked fairly high. I hit the top 200 list every time. I played against people that I read about on TeamLiquid sometimes. It is difficult to express the mix of excitement, anxiety, and nervousness I felt when I played against these players. When I won, I even called my brother to tell him about what just happened. Sometimes, I would wake him from his sleep. Even though I did this frequently, he stayed supportive. I never tried to brag about it. I didn't even consider the possibility that I could be bragging about it. I called purely due to the excitement I felt.
After dozens of games versus well known players, I realized that playing versus pros on ladder is no major achievement. The swell of emotion upon seeing my opponent had left me: It became just like every other match. I must acknowledge that competing among people that are famous for their skills, no matter how serious they view the match, is an achievement nonetheless: It shows capability of performing on the highest level. I write this because I am sure that other people have felt the same way, and even though some may look down on the act of informing others of what just transpired, it is in no way a bad thing. People simply want to share this amazing feeling they have. And if it's being casted, don't view it as some jerk thinking he can just brag about beating your favorite player. View it as more entertainment for you to absorb. It was probably a well played game. That's just my opinion on the subject.
At the start of one game, I had asked, in a joking manner, if I could join one player's team in what must have been the fifth game we played against each other that day. He said that we should talk about it after the game. I had absolutely no expectations for this to happen. I was a child who had been playing purely for fun. Against me was a player of one of the most prestigous teams in North America. And, after the game, he got me to play against another member in a custom game. The first non-ladder game I had ever played was against someone that I looked up to. The feelings of anxiety rushed back to me. My hands trembled as I played that match. I called my brother to tell him I had won the game. It meant so much to me. I could not realize that I barely won after crippling my opponent with a rush. I could not realize I had only won that game due to the massive lead I took early through a series of fortunate events. I could not realize how little it meant in reality. For months I wondered why I never got in. It depressed me. For months, I had seen people find success in Starcraft. I trained with these people; We were on a similar level in terms of ability. When these people would stream, they'd get hundreds, sometimes thousands, of viewers. When I streamed, I'd get maybe five viewers. I stayed where I was since the beginning. I felt hidden from view.
Midway
Every time a person I trained with joined a sponsored team, every time a person I trained with became popular, I became more saddened. And yet, it pushed me to train harder. It pushed me to do more. I transcended into someone who tried as hard as he could to do the best that he could. Before Starcraft 2, I used to go out pretty much every day. It would bother me if I was in the house on a Friday. I gave up my social life so that I could train more.
Eventually I tried to join the team again. I don't think I've ever worked harder in my life than at this time. I sometimes chose to train over food. I was told that I couldn't join all those months before because I didn't play seriously enough. It made perfect sense. If they had told me immediately, I would have denied it. Only in retrospect is it possible for me to accept it, to admit it. I didn't know the difference between someone like me and someone that actually tried until I experienced it until I lived it.
Last month, I finished first in the SGL, which is basically a team league comprised of smaller, unsponsored teams. This league lasted for a few months. In that time my team has had numerous changes to the roster. My overall record was 19-2. Most of the matches ended up with me reverse allkilling. I got us into the playoffs as the #1 seed. I streamed ladder frequently, and my viewer count started to grow. For the first time in my Starcraft 2 career, I was satisfied with myself. I started to play less as a result. I didn't show up to two of the matches. When I did show, I lost. But my team managed to finish first because I was no longer the only one who cared. I was now the only one who didn't care. I stopped streaming for almost 2 months now. I got kicked out of Grandmaster because my bonus pool got too high. I rarely streamed. The viewers that I spent so much time earning had left.
At the start of 11th grade I was scared since I hadn't seen or talked to anyone for months. I basically have no friends in school now. Sure, I talk to people a lot during school, but I haven't gone out once in the past year. I contemplated quitting Starcraft because I was scared of my lack of a social life. I'm severely underweight and pretty short for my age. My parents made it very clear they hate what I do. They said I'm wasting my time with some game that will get me nowhere in life. When my dad drove me to a lan, I apologized for having him drive there. He told me that I'm just gonna lose first round and we're gonna go back home soon., so it's no big deal We stayed there for many hours because I got second place. Many people cheered for me. After seeing the support people gave me, my dad realized that I don't just play for fun like I would with Mario as a kid. He told me as we walked to the car that I should continue. He compared it to the dreams he had with basketball when he was my age. When we arrived at home, my mom asked why it took so long. My dad said I won money. He had a certain excitement in his voice I've seldom heard before. My mom said she doesn't care and that I should never do it again. She didn't experience the environment of supportive people that care more about what I do than my parents. She thinks I play alone, disconnected from any community or society. Ironically, I am more connected to a community than when I went out with my friends on a daily basis. My dad sees this. Now, he asks me how my tournaments are going. I still feel discomfort talking to him about this because of how discouraging he used to be. I tell him that I don't join tournaments, which is true. But, I'm writing multiple pages on my experience with Starcraft, and I haven't told him any of this. He doesn't ask how my tournaments are going because he cares about the tournaments. He asks because he wants to express interest in something I care about.
And even though my mom remains negative towards me, she still is letting me go to Orlando to compete in MLG. I hooked up a projector and tried to show her the crowd reaction to Boxer after he beat Rain. She was reluctant to sit down and watch the two minute video. Still, I convinced her to come watch. She didn't even sit down. She didn't look at the screen. I was deeply disappointed, since I had spent the previous hour trying to prepare a message to show what I do and she refused to watch it. She said she's sorry she doesn't understand it at all. Even though she doesn't care, she understands that I care. I illustrated to her how important it is to me. When parents are unsupportive, they probably don't understand what you're doing. All they need is guidance, no matter how stubborn they are.
What Now?
I will continue with Starcraft 2. I was reluctant at first because I thought I'd be taking a step backwards. I'm a big believer of the “Go hard or go home” mentality. With school, I don't have enough time to go hard. I was on the verge of quitting. As I hovered over the uninstall button, my team planned a plethora of amazing things. They were poised for the success I tried so hard to achieve. I realized it would be foolish for me to leave, especially after all the effort I put into Starcraft.
If I can only play Starcraft for three hours each day, then I'm gonna get the most out of those three hours. I'm gonna go all-out for those three hours. I'm gonna stream it. I have big plans for my stream. You can find more information about that at the bottom. I'll also be doing a blog that are hopefully a lot better than this one every week on my tumblr page, which can also be found at the bottom in the Spoiler.
Moral of the Story
So many people talk about how they want to do something great, but they never set out the time to do it. How many threads have there been about a guy wanting to go pro? They just look at how someone else is living, and think that it would be a lot of fun. It's not all fun and games. You gotta work hard as fuck every single day to get success in anything. And even after giving as much effort as you can, you still gotta deal with failures. Before he was the Game Genie Terran, Mvp lost several GSLs in early rounds. Even after finally winning one, he still got placed into Code A two seasons after. Before being the best Zerg in the world, Nestea had a poor Broodwar career. He was considered one of the worst players in GSL Season 1. Before being popular, Destiny was lower masters and hated. Someone made a fanclub for him, and it got closed because nobody liked him. Successful people don't let others stand in their way. They embrace their haters. They accept their failures. They better themselves for it.
+ Show Spoiler +
and it's great that your dad has become supportive. Never be afraid to be proud of being a gamer.
. never give up!
