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So I've made infinity-million blogs about girls over my 4 years at TL, please excuse the infinity-million and first.
I'm dating this girl, see. The previous girl blog was about the same girl but I wasn't dating her then so we'll just say TL advice got me this far. It's been about two months, we have lots of great conversations, I'm good at being interested in everything she cares about (or at least professes that she cares about she's pretty guarded, but she likes birds and just finished her Ph.D in anthropology), so we've "created" a lot of common ground, and she at least pretends to be interested in what I'm going with my life (undergraduate school in econ+anthropology, bicycle racing, electronic music production and DJing). We usually get on pretty well, the sex is great, and we're both busy enough to not get sick of eachother instantly.
But three nights ago, I and my partner in crime were DJing at a shitty bar to which she came with two of her friends. The entire event was a shitfest, the promoter and bar didn't have shit together so the sound was horrible. I was pissed even though she claimed she couldn't tell how shitty it was, and in fact the crowd didn't seem to mind it too much. So basically I was in a bad mood. And I wasn't being all that friendly with her friends, which I felt bad about even as it was happening.
The event went on until 2:00AM, and I wanted to stay for promotional reasons and whatnot. But she wanted to leave earlier, and I definitely wasn't going to stay there while she left. So I made a comment to the headlining DJ, Rocketnerd, who is an acquaintance and nice guy after he made a comment like "hey, you're not LEAVING are you?" kind of as a joke, and I said "well, she wants to" (kind of as a joke but also the truth).
She drove me back to her apartment since the guy I DJ with drove us there. The whole time she was bitching about how I made her look bad to that guy (who she doesn't know at all anyway) and wanting to leave early is a "stereotypical girl lame thing to want to do" and how she didn't want to be cast into that stereotype (despite the fact that she was actually following it).
I said, I was joking, I really wanted to go with you, and Rocketnerd will get over it / literally doesn't care at all. Then I brought up the fact that one of her friends said to me "have you ever heard the song "sunglasses at night,"" clearly mocking me because I was wearing hipster-esque clear sunglasses in a bar at night. Yes it's cheesy but they had max swag. And I told her "your friends can't just mock me alright, that was disrespectful." And she said something like "well wearing sunglasses inside at night isn't normal you have to know that" and I said "in this scene it's not all that uncommon blah blah blah" and I just felt like her friend was being an insecure bitch like "wow you're different than what I'm used to I'm going to engage a defense mechanism and say something offensive to you." I didn't get that detailed.
Also, at some point in the 20 minutes I was at her apartment, she invoked the all-to-common "you always think you're right," which I've told her before offends me and she should say what she actually means instead of that phrase, which really means "why don't you believe everything I say without saying anything back at all?" But I guess she can't just advocate for herself, she has to bitch at me. So I should "you're going to have to shut your mouth if you keep using that phrase." Anyway she goes off and does something in the bathroom and comes back and says "I'm going to take you home," and I say "I feel the same way, but I'm not riding with you." And at those final words I storm out, slam the door, and walk 4 miles home at 1:30AM.
And we haven't spoken in three days. We haven't dated that long, but we've had some magical times. Our relationship is strange because she was my teacher at one point, and I'm sure she has given thought to the future of our relationship as have I. I wonder if she thinks it can be anything other than temporary, since she's going to be getting a job a year from now and I'll be going to grad school, almost certainly somewhere else. But in any case, future notwithstanding except the next week, what should I do?
I was a little bitch for sure, being dramatic, but she was legitimately pissing me the fuck off, siding with her friend when her friend was clearly in the wrong (I didn't even say anything to her friend, I just wasn't that talkative the whole night because of the general shitiness). And bitching about fulfilling stereotypes and caring too much about other's perception of her. The "you're always right thing" I don't think was involved, because it's only become a problem in the last 10 days or so and on my list of things to do was tell her that that really, really bothers me, which I've only hinted at so far.
If I call her, or apologize, I'll be compromising my integrity and she might be pissy anyway. If I call her and say she has to apologize, I have no idea what will happen but it probably won't be good. If I do nothing (always the best advice I think, but it's hard to maintain) then who knows when she'll decide to contact me, and maybe she'll be offended I didn't try to reconcile.
We were supposed to go to a bird fair to see breeders and birds today, but it ended several hours ago. We had been planning it for a couple weeks, but since we haven't spoken, we couldn't plan it.
Edit: This is only my third girl blog in four years. Phew.
  
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keep the silence.
reexamine everything from her point of view, and get outside perspective from others irl you trust.
find out where both of you were wrong, why it happened, how to avoid it next time and determine if/when you want to get back together.
be honest and straightforward when you deal with her next.
the magical time when women stop being angry and start getting insecure is between 3-4 weeks. now im not saying it will last that long, but if you're going to hold out go for that. go out and have pics put up on fb of you and your friends having good time. girls only by circumstance. even if you feel like shit, put up a good front. do not check her fb profile at all until she speaks to you again.
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but if you decide you want her and you have to have her, go do that too. sweep her away. its really up to you.
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man. the typical relationship dilemma.
women....irrational... been through it too many times. they're sometimes just too stubborn and you must be the first to apologise ==
anyway, it's up to you to decide if she is worth it, if she is then just bit your lips and initiate the first contact
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you sound like a total douche man.. im being up front with you. it just sounds like your a tool....
I have no advice to give man.
But, being a dick to her friends wasnt smart at all and wearing sunglasses in the bar cause its swag? are you serious man. so you just a follower and not a leader. girls like leadership
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On September 19 2011 10:25 OscarN wrote:
you sound like a total douche man.. im being up front with you. it just sounds like your a tool....
I have no advice to give man.
But, being a dick to her friends wasnt smart at all and wearing sunglasses in the bar cause its swag? are you serious man. so you just a follower and not a leader. girls like leadership
I wasn't a dick to her friends. And I'm a leader - there were lots of people there to see me. You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
On September 19 2011 10:16 KurtistheTurtle wrote:
keep the silence.
reexamine everything from her point of view, and get outside perspective from others irl you trust.
find out where both of you were wrong, why it happened, how to avoid it next time and determine if/when you want to get back together.
be honest and straightforward when you deal with her next.
the magical time when women stop being angry and start getting insecure is between 3-4 weeks. now im not saying it will last that long, but if you're going to hold out go for that. go out and have pics put up on fb of you and your friends having good time. girls only by circumstance. even if you feel like shit, put up a good front. do not check her fb profile at all until she speaks to you again.
Haha that's exactly what's been going through my head ... make it look like I'm having the time of my life. Don't want to overdo it though. And she posted pictures of her and a lot of friends watching a football game, which made me wonder if she was being equally paranoid and trying to put on a front.
It seems a little silly to be all passive aggressive about it, but what it comes down to is if I really do like her (which I do), I don't want to make it look like I'm so weak that I need everything to be right instantly. She shouldn't like me if I'm like that anyway. But yeah, keeping my own spirit up and actually doing things to distract myself is good. And it is a little soon. Even after three days I'm thinking more about how awesome things have been most of the time and less about the obnoxious bullshit. While it needs to be addressed, it might be better to do it when we're both more distant from it.
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Im jealous of a kid who could just be making this whole story up, Real
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On September 19 2011 10:33 OscarN wrote:
Im jealous of a kid who could just be making this whole story up, Real
Nice job changing your post. The first "plan" meant that we had long had intentions to go. The second "plan" meant that we would have had to have talked to eachother to actually have it go down, despite the fact that it had long been out intention.
Good job not understanding English. And good job insulting people on their blog. Clearly you don't have anything impressive to do in real life.
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She's an anthropologist, of course she is always right 
That being said its all about ego. Her ego and yours. If you want it to work just put aside the whole issue of who is right and wrong and get some empathy. Identify with her side and admit that you made mistakes and hope she is mature enough to do the same.
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mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
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On September 19 2011 10:38 Slaughter wrote:She's an anthropologist, of course she is always right That being said its all about ego. Her ego and yours. If you want it to work just put aside the whole issue of who is right and wrong and get some empathy. Identify with her side and admit that you made mistakes and hope she is mature enough to do the same.
When you put it like that it sounds pretty easy. But I guess it should. I'm sure she doesn't know that I was brooding about things for a week and a half, and it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm sure she'd be reasonable about it if I don't come at her furiously, but I still kind of want to. I'm leaving some things out just because I don't want to make her sound like a bitch, which I don't think she is from what I know, but she is really guarded, which involves both our relative positions and her past. I'm perhaps a little paranoid about the "we're from different worlds" thing, but maybe she's been thinking about that for a week and half, or two months.
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On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote:
mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
Well-said
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At first I just thought you were being cocky, but with this
I wasn't a dick to her friends. And I'm a leader - there were lots of people there to see me. You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
Yeah you sort of sound like a tool, stop and maybe she'll stop getting angry at you, specifically I think her friend asking if you've heard of a freaking song no matter what she meant by it is not grounds to flip out on her and you say you want her to say "what she means" then pretend that she should be saying that she wants you to believe everything she says when what she was saying didn't sound extreme at all.
And I'm sure you're going to ignore this since it seems like you really made this blog to try to get everyone to agree with you about how much of a bitch your girlfriend is but this is actually how you come off to me so maybe you should think about that.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
Next time some insecure fag mocks your indoor sunglasses wearing, just take them off stare him deeply and intensely in the eyes for a few seconds and ask him very seriously "WHO is the KING?" and then before he can reply say "ME" as you put your sunglasses back on.
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On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote:
mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
I'm with you on 1 and 2. 3 could have been innocuous, but she made a mistake there - bitching when I made it clear that I wanted to go with her (she wanted me to go with her too). 4 is obviously the point of the blog. 5 I think you're not clear on. It would have been audacious, in my opinion, to bring it up. First other things would have had to have taken place, which I'm not sure it was the right time to do.
But 1 and 2 were the club's fault, as far as preparedness, only partially mine but the promoter is new in this town. I should have been wary but any opportunity to play out is good. There was actually a little networking that went on at the show, and the reaction as a whole was positive. But I have lofty standards and was pissed that the club and promoter fucked up so profoundly. Every other DJ was too. But seeing as how we're in a relationship, mutual interests are good, and sharing in life endeavors. And while she would never say we sucked, I really think her and her friends we're not aware enough about the style of music and general format to care one way or another. And the crowd understood that we were being fucked as well.
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Well then cool off. Take time to really go over this and when you do talk to her next, do so with a cool and clear mind. Also if she is still pissy don't get baited into another fight. Remember you were in the wrong (even if she was as well and you were reacting to it you still did some wrong) just deflect and/or ignore anything she might say that could just get you angry again. Remember if you want this to work you will avoid a relapse into fighting and come to her saying "hey we had a shitty night as a couple let's talk it out, I'm sorry etc etc" work toward something constructive.
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On September 19 2011 10:45 Navillus wrote:At first I just thought you were being cocky, but with this Show nested quote +I wasn't a dick to her friends. And I'm a leader - there were lots of people there to see me. You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
Yeah you sort of sound like a tool, stop and maybe she'll stop getting angry at you, specifically I think her friend asking if you've heard of a freaking song no matter what she meant by it is not grounds to flip out on her and you say you want her to say "what she means" then pretend that she should be saying that she wants you to believe everything she says when what she was saying didn't sound extreme at all. And I'm sure you're going to ignore this since it seems like you really made this blog to try to get everyone to agree with you about how much of a bitch your girlfriend is but this is actually how you come off to me so maybe you should think about that.
You're wrong and if you read the things I've been saying you'd realize that. Thanks for your input though, despite the fact that it wasn't helpful or relevant.
You're wrong about the intent of the blog and are making wrong assumptions about the relationship. Don't become a psychologist.
Edit: I didn't flip out until the end, and not until after she told me she was taking me home. The intent was clear. And I wasn't extreme either, I said something like "I'm mad at your friend for mocking me." Because she would say the same thing if one of my friends did it to her.
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On September 19 2011 10:46 Rekrul wrote:
Next time some insecure fag mocks your indoor sunglasses wearing, just take them off stare him deeply and intensely in the eyes for a few seconds and ask him very seriously "WHO is the KING?" and then before he can reply say "ME" as you put your sunglasses back on.
Her friend was a girl. Hence the self-righteous defense. Still good advice.
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You're a pussy and you've got no game.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
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That is cool. But my girlfriend is not a dumb submissive bitch and I wouldn't date her if she was.
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EPT
