So I've made infinity-million blogs about girls over my 4 years at TL, please excuse the infinity-million and first.
I'm dating this girl, see. The previous girl blog was about the same girl but I wasn't dating her then so we'll just say TL advice got me this far. It's been about two months, we have lots of great conversations, I'm good at being interested in everything she cares about (or at least professes that she cares about she's pretty guarded, but she likes birds and just finished her Ph.D in anthropology), so we've "created" a lot of common ground, and she at least pretends to be interested in what I'm going with my life (undergraduate school in econ+anthropology, bicycle racing, electronic music production and DJing). We usually get on pretty well, the sex is great, and we're both busy enough to not get sick of eachother instantly.
But three nights ago, I and my partner in crime were DJing at a shitty bar to which she came with two of her friends. The entire event was a shitfest, the promoter and bar didn't have shit together so the sound was horrible. I was pissed even though she claimed she couldn't tell how shitty it was, and in fact the crowd didn't seem to mind it too much. So basically I was in a bad mood. And I wasn't being all that friendly with her friends, which I felt bad about even as it was happening.
The event went on until 2:00AM, and I wanted to stay for promotional reasons and whatnot. But she wanted to leave earlier, and I definitely wasn't going to stay there while she left. So I made a comment to the headlining DJ, Rocketnerd, who is an acquaintance and nice guy after he made a comment like "hey, you're not LEAVING are you?" kind of as a joke, and I said "well, she wants to" (kind of as a joke but also the truth).
She drove me back to her apartment since the guy I DJ with drove us there. The whole time she was bitching about how I made her look bad to that guy (who she doesn't know at all anyway) and wanting to leave early is a "stereotypical girl lame thing to want to do" and how she didn't want to be cast into that stereotype (despite the fact that she was actually following it).
I said, I was joking, I really wanted to go with you, and Rocketnerd will get over it / literally doesn't care at all. Then I brought up the fact that one of her friends said to me "have you ever heard the song "sunglasses at night,"" clearly mocking me because I was wearing hipster-esque clear sunglasses in a bar at night. Yes it's cheesy but they had max swag. And I told her "your friends can't just mock me alright, that was disrespectful." And she said something like "well wearing sunglasses inside at night isn't normal you have to know that" and I said "in this scene it's not all that uncommon blah blah blah" and I just felt like her friend was being an insecure bitch like "wow you're different than what I'm used to I'm going to engage a defense mechanism and say something offensive to you." I didn't get that detailed.
Also, at some point in the 20 minutes I was at her apartment, she invoked the all-to-common "you always think you're right," which I've told her before offends me and she should say what she actually means instead of that phrase, which really means "why don't you believe everything I say without saying anything back at all?" But I guess she can't just advocate for herself, she has to bitch at me. So I should "you're going to have to shut your mouth if you keep using that phrase." Anyway she goes off and does something in the bathroom and comes back and says "I'm going to take you home," and I say "I feel the same way, but I'm not riding with you." And at those final words I storm out, slam the door, and walk 4 miles home at 1:30AM.
And we haven't spoken in three days. We haven't dated that long, but we've had some magical times. Our relationship is strange because she was my teacher at one point, and I'm sure she has given thought to the future of our relationship as have I. I wonder if she thinks it can be anything other than temporary, since she's going to be getting a job a year from now and I'll be going to grad school, almost certainly somewhere else. But in any case, future notwithstanding except the next week, what should I do?
I was a little bitch for sure, being dramatic, but she was legitimately pissing me the fuck off, siding with her friend when her friend was clearly in the wrong (I didn't even say anything to her friend, I just wasn't that talkative the whole night because of the general shitiness). And bitching about fulfilling stereotypes and caring too much about other's perception of her. The "you're always right thing" I don't think was involved, because it's only become a problem in the last 10 days or so and on my list of things to do was tell her that that really, really bothers me, which I've only hinted at so far.
If I call her, or apologize, I'll be compromising my integrity and she might be pissy anyway. If I call her and say she has to apologize, I have no idea what will happen but it probably won't be good. If I do nothing (always the best advice I think, but it's hard to maintain) then who knows when she'll decide to contact me, and maybe she'll be offended I didn't try to reconcile.
We were supposed to go to a bird fair to see breeders and birds today, but it ended several hours ago. We had been planning it for a couple weeks, but since we haven't spoken, we couldn't plan it.
Edit: This is only my third girl blog in four years. Phew.
reexamine everything from her point of view, and get outside perspective from others irl you trust.
find out where both of you were wrong, why it happened, how to avoid it next time and determine if/when you want to get back together.
be honest and straightforward when you deal with her next.
the magical time when women stop being angry and start getting insecure is between 3-4 weeks. now im not saying it will last that long, but if you're going to hold out go for that. go out and have pics put up on fb of you and your friends having good time. girls only by circumstance. even if you feel like shit, put up a good front. do not check her fb profile at all until she speaks to you again.
you sound like a total douche man.. im being up front with you. it just sounds like your a tool....
I have no advice to give man.
But, being a dick to her friends wasnt smart at all and wearing sunglasses in the bar cause its swag? are you serious man. so you just a follower and not a leader. girls like leadership
On September 19 2011 10:25 OscarN wrote: you sound like a total douche man.. im being up front with you. it just sounds like your a tool....
I have no advice to give man.
But, being a dick to her friends wasnt smart at all and wearing sunglasses in the bar cause its swag? are you serious man. so you just a follower and not a leader. girls like leadership
I wasn't a dick to her friends. And I'm a leader - there were lots of people there to see me. You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
On September 19 2011 10:16 KurtistheTurtle wrote: keep the silence.
reexamine everything from her point of view, and get outside perspective from others irl you trust.
find out where both of you were wrong, why it happened, how to avoid it next time and determine if/when you want to get back together.
be honest and straightforward when you deal with her next.
the magical time when women stop being angry and start getting insecure is between 3-4 weeks. now im not saying it will last that long, but if you're going to hold out go for that. go out and have pics put up on fb of you and your friends having good time. girls only by circumstance. even if you feel like shit, put up a good front. do not check her fb profile at all until she speaks to you again.
Haha that's exactly what's been going through my head ... make it look like I'm having the time of my life. Don't want to overdo it though. And she posted pictures of her and a lot of friends watching a football game, which made me wonder if she was being equally paranoid and trying to put on a front.
It seems a little silly to be all passive aggressive about it, but what it comes down to is if I really do like her (which I do), I don't want to make it look like I'm so weak that I need everything to be right instantly. She shouldn't like me if I'm like that anyway. But yeah, keeping my own spirit up and actually doing things to distract myself is good. And it is a little soon. Even after three days I'm thinking more about how awesome things have been most of the time and less about the obnoxious bullshit. While it needs to be addressed, it might be better to do it when we're both more distant from it.
On September 19 2011 10:33 OscarN wrote: Im jealous of a kid who could just be making this whole story up, Real
Nice job changing your post. The first "plan" meant that we had long had intentions to go. The second "plan" meant that we would have had to have talked to eachother to actually have it go down, despite the fact that it had long been out intention.
Good job not understanding English. And good job insulting people on their blog. Clearly you don't have anything impressive to do in real life.
She's an anthropologist, of course she is always right
That being said its all about ego. Her ego and yours. If you want it to work just put aside the whole issue of who is right and wrong and get some empathy. Identify with her side and admit that you made mistakes and hope she is mature enough to do the same.
On September 19 2011 10:38 Slaughter wrote: She's an anthropologist, of course she is always right
That being said its all about ego. Her ego and yours. If you want it to work just put aside the whole issue of who is right and wrong and get some empathy. Identify with her side and admit that you made mistakes and hope she is mature enough to do the same.
When you put it like that it sounds pretty easy. But I guess it should. I'm sure she doesn't know that I was brooding about things for a week and a half, and it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm sure she'd be reasonable about it if I don't come at her furiously, but I still kind of want to. I'm leaving some things out just because I don't want to make her sound like a bitch, which I don't think she is from what I know, but she is really guarded, which involves both our relative positions and her past. I'm perhaps a little paranoid about the "we're from different worlds" thing, but maybe she's been thinking about that for a week and half, or two months.
At first I just thought you were being cocky, but with this
I wasn't a dick to her friends. And I'm a leader - there were lots of people there to see me. You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
Yeah you sort of sound like a tool, stop and maybe she'll stop getting angry at you, specifically I think her friend asking if you've heard of a freaking song no matter what she meant by it is not grounds to flip out on her and you say you want her to say "what she means" then pretend that she should be saying that she wants you to believe everything she says when what she was saying didn't sound extreme at all.
And I'm sure you're going to ignore this since it seems like you really made this blog to try to get everyone to agree with you about how much of a bitch your girlfriend is but this is actually how you come off to me so maybe you should think about that.
Next time some insecure fag mocks your indoor sunglasses wearing, just take them off stare him deeply and intensely in the eyes for a few seconds and ask him very seriously "WHO is the KING?" and then before he can reply say "ME" as you put your sunglasses back on.
On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote: mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
I'm with you on 1 and 2. 3 could have been innocuous, but she made a mistake there - bitching when I made it clear that I wanted to go with her (she wanted me to go with her too). 4 is obviously the point of the blog. 5 I think you're not clear on. It would have been audacious, in my opinion, to bring it up. First other things would have had to have taken place, which I'm not sure it was the right time to do.
But 1 and 2 were the club's fault, as far as preparedness, only partially mine but the promoter is new in this town. I should have been wary but any opportunity to play out is good. There was actually a little networking that went on at the show, and the reaction as a whole was positive. But I have lofty standards and was pissed that the club and promoter fucked up so profoundly. Every other DJ was too. But seeing as how we're in a relationship, mutual interests are good, and sharing in life endeavors. And while she would never say we sucked, I really think her and her friends we're not aware enough about the style of music and general format to care one way or another. And the crowd understood that we were being fucked as well.
Well then cool off. Take time to really go over this and when you do talk to her next, do so with a cool and clear mind. Also if she is still pissy don't get baited into another fight. Remember you were in the wrong (even if she was as well and you were reacting to it you still did some wrong) just deflect and/or ignore anything she might say that could just get you angry again. Remember if you want this to work you will avoid a relapse into fighting and come to her saying "hey we had a shitty night as a couple let's talk it out, I'm sorry etc etc" work toward something constructive.
I wasn't a dick to her friends. And I'm a leader - there were lots of people there to see me. You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
Yeah you sort of sound like a tool, stop and maybe she'll stop getting angry at you, specifically I think her friend asking if you've heard of a freaking song no matter what she meant by it is not grounds to flip out on her and you say you want her to say "what she means" then pretend that she should be saying that she wants you to believe everything she says when what she was saying didn't sound extreme at all.
And I'm sure you're going to ignore this since it seems like you really made this blog to try to get everyone to agree with you about how much of a bitch your girlfriend is but this is actually how you come off to me so maybe you should think about that.
You're wrong and if you read the things I've been saying you'd realize that. Thanks for your input though, despite the fact that it wasn't helpful or relevant.
You're wrong about the intent of the blog and are making wrong assumptions about the relationship. Don't become a psychologist.
Edit: I didn't flip out until the end, and not until after she told me she was taking me home. The intent was clear. And I wasn't extreme either, I said something like "I'm mad at your friend for mocking me." Because she would say the same thing if one of my friends did it to her.
On September 19 2011 10:46 Rekrul wrote: Next time some insecure fag mocks your indoor sunglasses wearing, just take them off stare him deeply and intensely in the eyes for a few seconds and ask him very seriously "WHO is the KING?" and then before he can reply say "ME" as you put your sunglasses back on.
Her friend was a girl. Hence the self-righteous defense. Still good advice.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
Ayo. This girl is 6 years older than me, has a doctorate, was my teacher, has way more money than I do, and is a bangin hotty. Alright. If I wanted to swag on a bitch nonstop I would have aimed lower. As much as I love getting my meat twerked my male ambition would not allow me to stop at that so I have to have someone who can intellectually challenge me. Sugartits on the couch running her mouth of couldn't do that.
On September 19 2011 11:09 fatfail wrote: Uh Ancestral, if you plan on rejecting everything everybody says, why did you ask in the first place?
People's advice I have not rejected:
Kurtistheturtle Doraemon Slaughter Nodnod Rekrul
People's advice I have rejected:
Everyone who doesn't say anything constructive, including you. Feel free to express your thoughts, but the blog is actually about addressing real life problems, not having people tell me I don't keep my bitch in line.
Ayo. This girl is 6 years older than me, has a doctorate, was my teacher, has way more money than I do, and is a bangin hotty. Alright. If I wanted to swag on a bitch nonstop I would have aimed lower. As much as I love getting my meat twerked my male ambition would not allow me to stop at that so I have to have someone who can intellectually challenge me. Sugartits on the couch running her mouth of couldn't do that.
The fight happened cause you reacted the wrong way though. Arguing with girls is pointless and ultimately very unattractive to them. They want guys who will reason with them somewhat but for the most part take control. And for u to even mention getting kinda offended by the friends being rude about the sunglasses is a super weak move. Something like "Yeah she tried to be rude and offend my balla sunglasses but it actually backfired and made me feel even better about these things" Might have been good LOL
Ayo. This girl is 6 years older than me, has a doctorate, was my teacher, has way more money than I do, and is a bangin hotty. Alright. If I wanted to swag on a bitch nonstop I would have aimed lower. As much as I love getting my meat twerked my male ambition would not allow me to stop at that so I have to have someone who can intellectually challenge me. Sugartits on the couch running her mouth of couldn't do that.
The fight happened cause you reacted the wrong way though. Arguing with girls is pointless and ultimately very unattractive to them. They want guys who will reason with them somewhat but for the most part take control. And for u to even mention getting kinda offended by the friends being rude about the sunglasses is a super weak move. Something like "Yeah she tried to be rude and offend my balla sunglasses but it actually backfired and made me feel even better about these things" Might have been good LOL
You're definitely right about the "taking control" part. But this girl is modern, rational, and other words that I will use instead of feminist. As far as she's concerned, at two months I'm still on "trial period" and if I say something about her goblin friend she'll get offended. I probably should have made a more comical, less inflammatory joke about it though. Because what it comes down to is her friend is also older and fears a bar full of 21-25 year olds. And she and I have joked about that before, her friends' fearing the youth that is.
IMO, the friend thing is what really blew it for her, even though I care less about that than the other bullshit (the leaving early bullshit, and the "you're always right" bullshit, which is a copout for her to avoid anything confrontational ever). Although I have started with the "yeah I'm always right, I'm glad you're catching on." Which actually seems to work better than getting pissed.
Storming out will at least force her to consider whether she wants to keep treating me like she can eternally keep secrets from me (she ended a 5 year relationship just before we started dating, and that's why, as she's admitted, she is being "guarded"), because she goes on and on about how beautiful I am and how fat my cock is, and she knows I'm smart.
But I guess if I want to keep it up, I should make it more like "look..." and less like "please..." Still should give it a few more days imo. I actually do shit anyway and we never hang out during the week as it is.
This is suddenly one of the best girl blogs I've read in a while.
It also sounds to me with the way you write about her that you maybe were a bit tired of her from before. In any case, a short break for the both of you to consider things isn't necessarily a bad thing.
On September 19 2011 11:12 Ancestral wrote: People's advice I have not rejected:
Kurtistheturtle Doraemon Slaughter Nodnod Rekrul
People's advice I have rejected:
Everyone who doesn't say anything constructive, including you. Feel free to express your thoughts, but the blog is actually about addressing real life problems, not having people tell me I don't keep my bitch in line.
Did I tell you to keep your bitch in line? Also, my honest opinion is you should stop being an overly sensitive douche and get over your nonexistent struggles in this relationship.
On September 19 2011 10:04 Ancestral wrote: The event went on until 2:00AM, and I wanted to stay for promotional reasons and whatnot. But she wanted to leave earlier, and I definitely wasn't going to stay there while she left.
This is where you lost. It was YOUR EVENT. You were DJing for fucks sake. And you left because your girl wanted to. It's not like she needed you to entertain her - she was with her friends. You should have let her go with them and stayed at the venue where you belonged as one of the acts.
Instead you acted like a pussywhipped little bitch. THEN you took a bunch of shit from her for it because you made her "look bad" in front of your own friends after you tried to do something nice for her. Then I think she probably realized that you have no balls and that she should have dated an older guy. And things went down hill from there.
Man up, prioritize your own life over your girlfriend, and don't take her shit when you don't deserve it.
Secondly, YOU are the insecure one for caring so much what one of her friends said about your sunglasses. If you can't handle the social pressure that accompanies making such a bold fashion statement, then you shouldn't try it. Clearly it bothered you enough that you had to bring it up with her later, which means you are insecure. And I think she could tell.
On September 19 2011 11:12 Ancestral wrote: People's advice I have not rejected:
Kurtistheturtle Doraemon Slaughter Nodnod Rekrul
People's advice I have rejected:
Everyone who doesn't say anything constructive, including you. Feel free to express your thoughts, but the blog is actually about addressing real life problems, not having people tell me I don't keep my bitch in line.
Did I tell you to keep your bitch in line? Also, my honest opinion is you should stop being an overly sensitive douche and get over your nonexistent struggles in this relationship.
No someone else said that, I forget who. But yeah your last line isn't bad, and honesty is good if it's not just to say "haha you're a faggot.". I considered the whole "it's pointless drama" thing. The point is, her reaction to contact/apology/reconciliation cannot be known before I try it. And there are issues, even if the issues aren't domestic abuse or adultery. We get in lots of tiffs that don't last long but this time I want something to actually come of it, rather than say "man that sucked, glad we're together again!" and then risk the same shit two weeks later.
On September 19 2011 11:22 VarmVaffel wrote: This is suddenly one of the best girl blogs I've read in a while.
It also sounds to me with the way you write about her that you maybe were a bit tired of her from before. In any case, a short break for the both of you to consider things isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Yeah for sure. I've definitely thought about it all a lot. I hope she has too.
Ayo. This girl is 6 years older than me, has a doctorate, was my teacher, has way more money than I do, and is a bangin hotty. Alright. If I wanted to swag on a bitch nonstop I would have aimed lower. As much as I love getting my meat twerked my male ambition would not allow me to stop at that so I have to have someone who can intellectually challenge me. Sugartits on the couch running her mouth of couldn't do that.
The fight happened cause you reacted the wrong way though. Arguing with girls is pointless and ultimately very unattractive to them. They want guys who will reason with them somewhat but for the most part take control. And for u to even mention getting kinda offended by the friends being rude about the sunglasses is a super weak move. Something like "Yeah she tried to be rude and offend my balla sunglasses but it actually backfired and made me feel even better about these things" Might have been good LOL
You're definitely right about the "taking control" part. But this girl is modern, rational, and other words that I will use instead of feminist. As far as she's concerned, at two months I'm still on "trial period" and if I say something about her goblin friend she'll get offended. I probably should have made a more comical, less inflammatory joke about it though. Because what it comes down to is her friend is also older and fears a bar full of 21-25 year olds. And she and I have joked about that before, her friends' fearing the youth that is.
IMO, the friend thing is what really blew it for her, even though I care less about that than the other bullshit (the leaving early bullshit, and the "you're always right" bullshit, which is a copout for her to avoid anything confrontational ever). Although I have started with the "yeah I'm always right, I'm glad you're catching on." Which actually seems to work better than getting pissed.
Storming out will at least force her to consider whether she wants to keep treating me like she can eternally keep secrets from me (she ended a 5 year relationship just before we started dating, and that's why, as she's admitted, she is being "guarded"), because she goes on and on about how beautiful I am and how fat my cock is, and she knows I'm smart.
But I guess if I want to keep it up, I should make it more like "look..." and less like "please..." Still should give it a few more days imo. I actually do shit anyway and we never hang out during the week as it is.
Yea and storming out is bad, running from problems should be reserved for women and alcoholics, not MEN! But rofl, yeah, fking brainwashed american women tilt the fuk out of me. I don't even bother attempting to hit on white girls rofl.
On September 19 2011 10:04 Ancestral wrote: The event went on until 2:00AM, and I wanted to stay for promotional reasons and whatnot. But she wanted to leave earlier, and I definitely wasn't going to stay there while she left.
This is where you lost. It was YOUR EVENT. You were DJing for fucks sake. And you left because your girl wanted to. It's not like she needed you to entertain her - she was with her friends. You should have let her go with them and stayed at the venue where you belonged as one of the acts.
Instead you acted like a pussywhipped little bitch. THEN you took a bunch of shit from her for it because you made her "look bad" in front of your own friends after you tried to do something nice for her. Then I think she probably realized that you have no balls and that she should have dated an older guy. And things went down hill from there.
Man up, prioritize your own life over your girlfriend, and don't take her shit when you don't deserve it.
Okay you definitely bring up a few good points. But I don't think she thinks she should have dated an older guy. She talks about how much she hates older guys frequently which makes me think she really just loves young meat.
I think we 100% won't break up unless I do it or act insanely douchey. It's probably like 5% contentious between us 95% jolly. But I suppose I should emphasize that I was trying to be nice and she let it all blow up.
I mean as douchey as it is, the way I envision it now is, I say something about being sorry, not meaning to offend her friend, then, she made my night stressful by nagging, shouldn't do that, should have realized the show was a lot of work, should have realized I was doing her a favor by leaving, should have realized the other DJ's didn't really give a shit where either of us went, and should stop being so self conscious.
Edit: About you addendum, if "insecure" means I won't allow her friend who doesn't even know me to talk shit, then you're right. But if it means I'm afraid and will question my life decision, you're wrong. In all fairness, what Rekrul said was best, and I'll consider it in the future. The communications breakdown occurred though because I give only a half a shit about the comment, but in her drunk mind she thought I was shit talking her friend. I care more about prior events and lost it when she said I had to leave because of an offhanded remark about her friend.
Ayo. This girl is 6 years older than me, has a doctorate, was my teacher, has way more money than I do, and is a bangin hotty. Alright. If I wanted to swag on a bitch nonstop I would have aimed lower. As much as I love getting my meat twerked my male ambition would not allow me to stop at that so I have to have someone who can intellectually challenge me. Sugartits on the couch running her mouth of couldn't do that.
The fight happened cause you reacted the wrong way though. Arguing with girls is pointless and ultimately very unattractive to them. They want guys who will reason with them somewhat but for the most part take control. And for u to even mention getting kinda offended by the friends being rude about the sunglasses is a super weak move. Something like "Yeah she tried to be rude and offend my balla sunglasses but it actually backfired and made me feel even better about these things" Might have been good LOL
You're definitely right about the "taking control" part. But this girl is modern, rational, and other words that I will use instead of feminist. As far as she's concerned, at two months I'm still on "trial period" and if I say something about her goblin friend she'll get offended. I probably should have made a more comical, less inflammatory joke about it though. Because what it comes down to is her friend is also older and fears a bar full of 21-25 year olds. And she and I have joked about that before, her friends' fearing the youth that is.
IMO, the friend thing is what really blew it for her, even though I care less about that than the other bullshit (the leaving early bullshit, and the "you're always right" bullshit, which is a copout for her to avoid anything confrontational ever). Although I have started with the "yeah I'm always right, I'm glad you're catching on." Which actually seems to work better than getting pissed.
Storming out will at least force her to consider whether she wants to keep treating me like she can eternally keep secrets from me (she ended a 5 year relationship just before we started dating, and that's why, as she's admitted, she is being "guarded"), because she goes on and on about how beautiful I am and how fat my cock is, and she knows I'm smart.
But I guess if I want to keep it up, I should make it more like "look..." and less like "please..." Still should give it a few more days imo. I actually do shit anyway and we never hang out during the week as it is.
Yea and storming out is bad, running from problems should be reserved for women and alcoholics, not MEN! But rofl, yeah, fking brainwashed american women tilt the fuk out of me. I don't even bother attempting to hit on white girls rofl.
That's where the original "how long should I wait" idea came from, don't want to make it look like I can't get my shit together but don't want to look desperate. I mean, obviously I fucked up a little or I wouldn't be asking the entire world about it. I was legitimately pissed though.
I think you need to chill out, especially when you're doing a gig. Sometimes things aren't your fault and you just have to deal with a smile on your face.
I think that in life, its always easier and more effective to change ourselves rather than other people. I mean, girls always get mad for random random reasons, you aren't going to be able to change that. I would just apologize as soon as possible, no matter how pissed/ how much injustice you feel. I can tell you are seeking a higher level of understanding, but I don't think that prolonging the argument is going to do that effectively.
Solution: Go back, admit you were a bitch (don't use that word -- once it's out in the open...), tell her you were having a bad set and that got into your head, apologize about her friends, and tell her you want to make it up to her (whatever that means in your relationship).
On September 19 2011 11:37 fatfail wrote: I think that in life, its always easier and more effective to change ourselves rather than other people. I mean, girls always get mad for random random reasons, you aren't going to be able to change that. I would just apologize as soon as possible, no matter how pissed/ how much injustice you feel. I can tell you are seeking a higher level of understanding, but I don't think that prolonging the argument is going to do that effectively.
Yeah. You're right that I shouldn't be mad. My decision can be whatever, but shouldn't be mad. I was mad, and that's how it got started, but I think I'll be able to figure it out, and even if I can't I should cool it. After all, if I really want to swag and "set things straight," more storming and slamming of doors won't do it.
I mean I'll definitely apologize, as I said earlier, but also give something like "you have to understand why I'm mad too." Even if I admit I got a little too mad.
I mean I'll definitely apologize, as I said earlier, but also give something like "you have to understand why I'm mad too." Even if I admit I got a little too mad.
Don't dwell on it, don't try to reconcile it. Just explain, apologize, and move on without asking her to side with you versus her friends or anything (friends always win). Be a big man and tank the blow. Do it.
On September 19 2011 11:40 mmp wrote: Solution: Go back, admit you were a bitch, tell her you were having a bad set and that got into your head, apologize about her friends, and tell her you want to make it up to her (whatever that means in your relationship).
Not quite, but close. I already said on the night "sorry I wasn't being that social, I was stressed." What I'm trying to reiterate is:
1) I was stressed, and wasn't being nice 2) Her friend is dumb and ugly 3) I "made her look bad" which means literally nothing. 4) She got offended about something I didn't care much about 5) She told me I had to leave, because of what I said and didn't care much about. 6) I did fucking care about being told to leave. 7) Boom.
I won't say "I was a bitch." But rather do what my previous post says."
I mean I'll definitely apologize, as I said earlier, but also give something like "you have to understand why I'm mad too." Even if I admit I got a little too mad.
Don't dwell on it, don't try to reconcile it. Just explain, apologize, and move on without asking her to side with you versus her friends or anything (friends always win). Be a big man and tank the blow. Do it.
Right right right. I don't mean see why I was mad about her friend. I mean see why I was mad about being told to leave. I mentioned the friend thing because she cared about that, while I cared about her caring about that. I will say "I didn't mean it like that" etc. etc.
I mean I'll definitely apologize, as I said earlier, but also give something like "you have to understand why I'm mad too." Even if I admit I got a little too mad.
Don't dwell on it, don't try to reconcile it. Just explain, apologize, and move on without asking her to side with you versus her friends or anything (friends always win). Be a big man and tank the blow. Do it.
Right right right. I don't mean see why I was mad about her friend. I mean see why I was mad about being told to leave. I mentioned the friend thing because she cared about that, while I cared about her caring about that. I will say "I didn't mean it like that" etc. etc.
The fewer details you bring into your next discussion, the better.
Wow, that sounds like a lot of really petty issues. Get over it or give up on it; I can't believe anyone would legitimately fight over something so stupid and trivial. And sunglasses inside make you look like a tool, not swag Convinced me
I mean I'll definitely apologize, as I said earlier, but also give something like "you have to understand why I'm mad too." Even if I admit I got a little too mad.
Don't dwell on it, don't try to reconcile it. Just explain, apologize, and move on without asking her to side with you versus her friends or anything (friends always win). Be a big man and tank the blow. Do it.
Right right right. I don't mean see why I was mad about her friend. I mean see why I was mad about being told to leave. I mentioned the friend thing because she cared about that, while I cared about her caring about that. I will say "I didn't mean it like that" etc. etc.
The fewer details you bring into your next discussion, the better.
While I agree that I shouldn't deliver a monologue like I did in the op, saying "I'm sorry let's move on" is not satisfactory. It's not my job to sit around and not be mad about things she does. Likewise, it isn't her's either. Neither of us should take shit from the other. And glossing this over, which to me is the surmounting of a lot of issues, is not doing either of us or the relationship justice.
We actually talk a lot, which she says she likes, compared to her last relationship, which was more of what you seem to be suggesting. Pretending like everything is just going to work is dumb. Which is exactly why she said she ended the prior one. "I'm sorry, now let's move on." Won't cut it.
And I can understand why you think that fewer words are better, and like I said, I won't ramble. But this isn't high school and we're two smart people. As much as I also often feel women are incomprehensible, erratic beings who live only to be subjugated by the most powerful male, it's dumb to think there's any way other than talking about what happened.
I mean, I'm suggesting 5 minutes of discussion. I don't know what you're suggesting but I'm telling you, knowing both of us, words need to be shared.
On September 19 2011 11:53 n.DieJokes wrote: Wow, that sounds like a lot of really petty issues. Get over it or give up on it; I can't believe anyone would legitimacy fight over something so stupid and trivial. And sunglasses inside make you look like a tool, not swag.
No you're wrong. They're swag. But also, see my post earlier on this page. Fool.
On September 19 2011 11:53 n.DieJokes wrote: Wow, that sounds like a lot of really petty issues. Get over it or give up on it; I can't believe anyone would legitimacy fight over something so stupid and trivial. And sunglasses inside make you look like a tool, not swag.
man, u just come across as a big douchebag. that is why i get from the few lines. and yea, i have nothing meaningful to add lol. just relax more and take it easy.
On September 19 2011 11:57 tenacity wrote: man, u just come across as a big douchebag. that is why i get from the few lines. and yea, i have nothing meaningful to add lol. just relax more and take it easy.
I only wish you read more than a few lines before making such a decision and chiming in with something pointless. Edit: Yeah relax isn't bad advice ever, but a lot of people have said that.
I mean I'll definitely apologize, as I said earlier, but also give something like "you have to understand why I'm mad too." Even if I admit I got a little too mad.
Don't dwell on it, don't try to reconcile it. Just explain, apologize, and move on without asking her to side with you versus her friends or anything (friends always win). Be a big man and tank the blow. Do it.
Right right right. I don't mean see why I was mad about her friend. I mean see why I was mad about being told to leave. I mentioned the friend thing because she cared about that, while I cared about her caring about that. I will say "I didn't mean it like that" etc. etc.
The fewer details you bring into your next discussion, the better.
While I agree that I shouldn't deliver a monologue like I did in the op, saying "I'm sorry let's move on" is not satisfactory. It's not my job to sit around and not be mad about things she does. Likewise, it isn't her's either. Neither of us should take shit from the other. And glossing this over, which to me is the surmounting of a lot of issues, is not doing either of us or the relationship justice.
We actually talk a lot, which she says she likes, compared to her last relationship, which was more of what you seem to be suggesting. Pretending like everything is just going to work is dumb. Which is exactly why she said she ended the prior one. "I'm sorry, now let's move on." Won't cut it.
And I can understand why you think that fewer words are better, and like I said, I won't ramble. But this isn't high school and we're two smart people. As much as I also often feel women are incomprehensible, erratic beings who live only to be subjugated by the most powerful male, it's dumb to think there's any way other than talking about what happened.
I mean, I'm suggesting 5 minutes of discussion. I don't know what you're suggesting but I'm telling you, knowing both of us, words need to be shared.
Just don't end up repeating the argument or force in any missed points. Sounds like a good thing you have going.
On September 19 2011 11:57 tenacity wrote: man, u just come across as a big douchebag. that is why i get from the few lines. and yea, i have nothing meaningful to add lol. just relax more and take it easy.
I only wish you read more than a few lines before making such a decision and chiming in with something pointless. Edit: Yeah relax isn't bad advice ever, but a lot of people have said that.
By "a few lines" i mean the whole thread. still, it doesn't change my opinion.
On September 19 2011 11:53 n.DieJokes wrote: Wow, that sounds like a lot of really petty issues. Get over it or give up on it; I can't believe anyone would legitimacy fight over something so stupid and trivial. And sunglasses inside make you look like a tool, not swag.
Have you ever DJed? I don't think you understand.
What does him not having ever DJed have to do with that? There are tons of EDM djs that never wear sunglasses inside clubs or at their gigs. As a matter of fact the whole DJ mag top 10 don't. I can atest to that, since I've seen them all live more the once. As a matter of fact, I've never seen a DJ wear sunglasses at all, headliner or opening/supporting djs, at any event I've been to and I've been to quite a few. Both being club gigs and festivals.
I mean I'll definitely apologize, as I said earlier, but also give something like "you have to understand why I'm mad too." Even if I admit I got a little too mad.
Don't dwell on it, don't try to reconcile it. Just explain, apologize, and move on without asking her to side with you versus her friends or anything (friends always win). Be a big man and tank the blow. Do it.
Right right right. I don't mean see why I was mad about her friend. I mean see why I was mad about being told to leave. I mentioned the friend thing because she cared about that, while I cared about her caring about that. I will say "I didn't mean it like that" etc. etc.
The fewer details you bring into your next discussion, the better.
While I agree that I shouldn't deliver a monologue like I did in the op, saying "I'm sorry let's move on" is not satisfactory. It's not my job to sit around and not be mad about things she does. Likewise, it isn't her's either. Neither of us should take shit from the other. And glossing this over, which to me is the surmounting of a lot of issues, is not doing either of us or the relationship justice.
We actually talk a lot, which she says she likes, compared to her last relationship, which was more of what you seem to be suggesting. Pretending like everything is just going to work is dumb. Which is exactly why she said she ended the prior one. "I'm sorry, now let's move on." Won't cut it.
And I can understand why you think that fewer words are better, and like I said, I won't ramble. But this isn't high school and we're two smart people. As much as I also often feel women are incomprehensible, erratic beings who live only to be subjugated by the most powerful male, it's dumb to think there's any way other than talking about what happened.
I mean, I'm suggesting 5 minutes of discussion. I don't know what you're suggesting but I'm telling you, knowing both of us, words need to be shared.
Just don't end up repeating the argument or force in any missed points. Sounds like a good thing you have going.
what do you mean by that? why is repeating the same argument any helpful if she doesn't get it?
On September 19 2011 11:57 tenacity wrote: man, u just come across as a big douchebag. that is why i get from the few lines. and yea, i have nothing meaningful to add lol. just relax more and take it easy.
I only wish you read more than a few lines before making such a decision and chiming in with something pointless. Edit: Yeah relax isn't bad advice ever, but a lot of people have said that.
By "a few lines" i mean the whole thread. still, it doesn't change my opinion.
Cool. Good thing you're not the one I'm dating then.
On September 19 2011 11:53 n.DieJokes wrote: Wow, that sounds like a lot of really petty issues. Get over it or give up on it; I can't believe anyone would legitimacy fight over something so stupid and trivial. And sunglasses inside make you look like a tool, not swag.
Have you ever DJed? I don't think you understand.
What does him not having ever DJed have to do with that? There are tons of EDM djs that never wear sunglasses inside clubs or at their gigs. As a matter of fact the whole DJ mag top 10 don't. I can atest to that, since I've seen them all live more the once. As a matter of fact, I've never seen a DJ wear sunglasses at all, headliner or opening/supporting djs, at any event I've been to and I've been to quite a few. Both being club gigs and festivals.
Something you may also be missing is that the glasses have clear lenses. They're wayfarers with clear, non-prescription lenses. Clearly, you care more about sunglasses then I do, because that is literally entirely fucking irrelevant. It could have been the brand of jeans I was wearing. I've seen DJ's with sunglasses. It's not even close to a majority, but clearly my swag outmatches yours in any case because you feel the need to defend yourself so ravenously.
On September 19 2011 11:53 n.DieJokes wrote: Wow, that sounds like a lot of really petty issues. Get over it or give up on it; I can't believe anyone would legitimacy fight over something so stupid and trivial. And sunglasses inside make you look like a tool, not swag.
Have you ever DJed? I don't think you understand.
What does him not having ever DJed have to do with that? There are tons of EDM djs that never wear sunglasses inside clubs or at their gigs. As a matter of fact the whole DJ mag top 10 don't. I can atest to that, since I've seen them all live more the once. As a matter of fact, I've never seen a DJ wear sunglasses at all, headliner or opening/supporting djs, at any event I've been to and I've been to quite a few. Both being club gigs and festivals.
Something you may also be missing is that the glasses have clear lenses. They're wayfarers with clear, non-prescription lenses. Clearly, you care more about sunglasses then I do, because that is literally entirely fucking irrelevant. It could have been the brand of jeans I was wearing. I've seen DJ's with sunglasses. It's not even close to a majority, but clearly my swag outmatches yours in any case because you feel the need to defend yourself so ravenously.
Defend myself? Umm...considering that was my first post in this thread, how could I be defending myself? I was simply replying back to what mmp said about ever DJing. Also I never commented on whether wearing sunglasses inside a club was a good or bad thing. I just simply stated that out of all the gigs I've been too, I've never seen a DJ wear them. If you would actually read my "post" as you've stated, you would of noticed that.
You will never win in an argument against a Woman. The only way you can "win" is to make calm and logical answers pointing out certain behaviors and dont answer back, she will probably want the last word.
After awhile the words sink in and then she will realize your point.
On September 19 2011 11:53 n.DieJokes wrote: Wow, that sounds like a lot of really petty issues. Get over it or give up on it; I can't believe anyone would legitimacy fight over something so stupid and trivial. And sunglasses inside make you look like a tool, not swag.
Have you ever DJed? I don't think you understand.
What does him not having ever DJed have to do with that? There are tons of EDM djs that never wear sunglasses inside clubs or at their gigs. As a matter of fact the whole DJ mag top 10 don't. I can atest to that, since I've seen them all live more the once. As a matter of fact, I've never seen a DJ wear sunglasses at all, headliner or opening/supporting djs, at any event I've been to and I've been to quite a few. Both being club gigs and festivals.
Something you may also be missing is that the glasses have clear lenses. They're wayfarers with clear, non-prescription lenses. Clearly, you care more about sunglasses then I do, because that is literally entirely fucking irrelevant. It could have been the brand of jeans I was wearing. I've seen DJ's with sunglasses. It's not even close to a majority, but clearly my swag outmatches yours in any case because you feel the need to defend yourself so ravenously.
Defend myself? Umm...considering that was my first post in this thread, how could I be defending myself? I was simply replying back to what mmp said about ever DJing. Also I never commented on whether wearing sunglasses inside a club was a good or bad thing. I just simply stated that out of the gigs I've been too, I've never seen a DJ wear them. If you would actually read my "post" as you've stated, you would of noticed that.
Sorry you're right. I didn't read the name on the post, and assumed you were n.diejokes, who had already railed about sunglasses inside, which themselves are somewhat tongue in cheek.
On September 19 2011 12:11 DreamChaser wrote: You will never win in an argument against a Woman. The only way you can "win" is to make calm and logical answers pointing out certain behaviors and dont answer back, she will probably want the last word.
After awhile the words sink in and then she will realize your point.
No I don't need the gratification of having "won." But you're right, if I set out with the intent to "win" an argument I'd be doomed from the get go. If you want to go with stereotypes, she's also less likely to want to fight about it than I am though. I only want to hear her say "yeah you're right, I was a little bitchey" while I have to admit my last act was outrageous, despite the fact that she gave me the inspiration.
On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote: mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
With the exception of 1 and 2 I agree with everything here. To me it just sounds like you were being a bitch :/ which you did acknowledge. Call and apologize. Tbh, why do you care so much about what her friend said to you? And you may think you said it jokingly as "oh well she wants to go" but why even say that? Just say nah I gotta take off. No need to throw her under the bus, even as a joke. That's you saving face at her expense, whether the dude will ever interact with her again or not. To reiterate: Call and apologize
Also I think she might have seen your behavior as somewhat immature. Since she is 6 years your senior and has an advanced degree she might be turned off by what she perceives as a temper tantrum since the age difference might already be something she might be worried about as a possible challenge for your relationship.
You seem like a douche who takes things too seriously + is arrogant and self centred.
Learn to laugh at yourself more man. When a girl asks you "Why are you wearing sunglasses at night?", just say "It's to protect young sweet girls like yourself from falling in love with my sexy eyes". Then when they say she says she's not all young and sweet. Walk slowly up to them gentle hold her chin with one hand and slowly say "So your saying that your a bad girl eh?, You know what I do to bad girls?"..her: "what?", youslap her hard on the ass* *her reaction is your next indicator*..
GG
Then proceed to make a Blog about your upcoming sexual assault case. It'll be great ^_^
Okay i've read 2 pages and thats all I need to read.
When you said : "I mean as douchey as it is, the way I envision it now is, I say something about being sorry, not meaning to offend her friend, then, she made my night stressful by nagging, shouldn't do that, should have realized the show was a lot of work, should have realized I was doing her a favor by leaving, should have realized the other DJ's didn't really give a shit where either of us went, and should stop being so self conscious"
There's tons of girls, stop trying to mold one into who you think they should be. Accept it or move on
If you're truly mature and truly conscious of yourself you won't even let something like this become a problem in the first place....have more self control
I know it's hard, but like they tell you in 1st grade.. think before you speak. Think before you act.
If you accept it just talk to her and stop being a noob
If she likes you and you like her it will not matter one bit
On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote: mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
Going to also agree with this. Especially the last two. You honestly should have contacted her before the event you were planning to go to. Girls are stubborn as hell especially if they believe they are in the right. Call as soon as you can and apologize.
On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote: mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
With the exception of 1 and 2 I agree with everything here. To me it just sounds like you were being a bitch :/ which you did acknowledge. Call and apologize. Tbh, why do you care so much about what her friend said to you? And you may think you said it jokingly as "oh well she wants to go" but why even say that? Just say nah I gotta take off. No need to throw her under the bus, even as a joke. That's you saving face at her expense, whether the dude will ever interact with her again or not. To reiterate: Call and apologize
I want everyone to understand that while I personally think I reacted poorly, she has not been entirely fair to me. You can disagree with that, but seeing as how you are not me, you doing it based on incomplete information.
I am going to be the one to say something at this point though. The original post, about 3-4 weeks, while it seems manly, is literally half again the length of time we've actually been dating (though we knew each other for a school quarter before that).
3 has happened a lot of times with no issue. 4 is the main problem yes, but if she drove me home, that would be even more ridiculous. I'm not going to tolerate that. 5 - maybe I should have tried to do something earlier today, but I wasn't prepared mentally to say anything. And it's still soon, imo. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT HER FRIEND SAID TO ME. At least not that much. I said one sentence about it, which prompted her to ask me to leave. There may have been more going on, and if it were anything, it was the leaving issue. The DJ I told, understood me completely. No one in their right mind would stay at a mediocre event, especially because the guy I DJ with had the promotion and networking front down. I was being facetious, and what "she wants to leave" means is "I want to go kick it with my girl and maybe get to plowin' ynawhatimsayin?" And he knew that. He's a man. I even winked at him and grabbed his ass when I said it.
But she, which she admitted, said she didn't want to be put into female stereotypes, even ones she was actually fulfilling. If she didn't mind staying, I would have. But she did, so I went with her. If she thought about it, or if you did, obviously that shows I care more about her. The DJ who challenged me about leaving in the first place knew I was, and he was kidding anyway. I was there, words were spoken IRL, no text to hide sarcasm or anything.
It's fine if you all reprimand me because you think my position sounds weaker, because I did ask for advice. But when I say I feel a certain way about something, it's because I was there and experienced it. The constructive posts are the ones that tell me how I should handle the next interaction or whether or not I should initiate it, which this one does and I appreciate it. But don't say "you're a faggot tool bitch what are you thinking." Which you didn't, but some people have, or something similar...
On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote: mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
With the exception of 1 and 2 I agree with everything here. To me it just sounds like you were being a bitch :/ which you did acknowledge. Call and apologize. Tbh, why do you care so much about what her friend said to you? And you may think you said it jokingly as "oh well she wants to go" but why even say that? Just say nah I gotta take off. No need to throw her under the bus, even as a joke. That's you saving face at her expense, whether the dude will ever interact with her again or not. To reiterate: Call and apologize
On September 19 2011 10:46 Ancestral wrote: I'm with you on 1 and 2. 3 could have been innocuous, but she made a mistake there - bitching when I made it clear that I wanted to go with her (she wanted me to go with her too). 4 is obviously the point of the blog. 5 I think you're not clear on. It would have been audacious, in my opinion, to bring it up. First other things would have had to have taken place, which I'm not sure it was the right time to do.
lol looks like the OP thinks the opposite. oh dear... :p
On September 19 2011 12:24 Aruno wrote: You seem like a douche who takes things too seriously + is arrogant and self centred.
Learn to laugh at yourself more man. When a girl asks you "Why are you wearing sunglasses at night?", just say "It's to protect young sweet girls like yourself from falling in love with my sexy eyes". Then when they say she says she's not all young and sweet. Walk slowly up to them gentle hold her chin with one hand and slowly say "So your saying that your a bad girl eh?, You know what I do to bad girls?"..her: "what?", youslap her hard on the ass* *her reaction is your next indicator*..
GG
Then proceed to make a Blog about your upcoming sexual assault case. It'll be great ^_^
That would have been a more interesting blog, agreed.
On September 19 2011 10:40 nodnod wrote: mistake 1 - letting her came to an event that you're ill-prepared for.
mistake 2 - letting her friends came along to the ill-prepared event
mistake 3 - got on her ride and went to her apartment
mistake 4 - storming off without leaving a clause of reconciliation
mistake 5 - not following up on a pre-arranged event
... the damage is done man. just hope she's nice enough to take you back.
With the exception of 1 and 2 I agree with everything here. To me it just sounds like you were being a bitch :/ which you did acknowledge. Call and apologize. Tbh, why do you care so much about what her friend said to you? And you may think you said it jokingly as "oh well she wants to go" but why even say that? Just say nah I gotta take off. No need to throw her under the bus, even as a joke. That's you saving face at her expense, whether the dude will ever interact with her again or not. To reiterate: Call and apologize
On September 19 2011 10:46 Ancestral wrote: I'm with you on 1 and 2. 3 could have been innocuous, but she made a mistake there - bitching when I made it clear that I wanted to go with her (she wanted me to go with her too). 4 is obviously the point of the blog. 5 I think you're not clear on. It would have been audacious, in my opinion, to bring it up. First other things would have had to have taken place, which I'm not sure it was the right time to do.
lol looks like the OP thinks the opposite. oh dear... :p
Nah his argument was meaningful. It's all good. I mean they're all partially true and partially not true, as with everything in life. Except Fox News, always true.
On September 19 2011 12:24 Aruno wrote: You seem like a douche who takes things too seriously + is arrogant and self centred.
Learn to laugh at yourself more man. When a girl asks you "Why are you wearing sunglasses at night?", just say "It's to protect young sweet girls like yourself from falling in love with my sexy eyes". Then when they say she says she's not all young and sweet. Walk slowly up to them gentle hold her chin with one hand and slowly say "So your saying that your a bad girl eh?, You know what I do to bad girls?"..her: "what?", youslap her hard on the ass* *her reaction is your next indicator*..
GG
Then proceed to make a Blog about your upcoming sexual assault case. It'll be great ^_^
I'd say that you should contact her (phone, text, smoke signals, pick a favourite), but before you do; Make sure that you've thought through the whole thing, what happened and why, and try to look at it from her side of the "dispute". Your story didn't paint you in the best of light. Also, thinking through what you want out of the relationship could be a good thing. If you want her, she's obviously more important than your integrity.
But I'm currently single, so what the fuck do I know? :L Good luck, anyway. I think you'll need it.
On September 19 2011 12:52 NuclearJudas wrote: I'd say that you should contact her (phone, text, smoke signals, pick a favourite), but before you do; Make sure that you've thought through the whole thing, what happened and why, and try to look at it from her side of the "dispute". Your story didn't paint you in the best of light. Also, thinking through what you want out of the relationship could be a good thing. If you want her, she's obviously more important than your integrity.
But I'm currently single, so what the fuck do I know? :L Good luck, anyway. I think you'll need it.
I am not trying to paint myself in a good light. We both were a little overbearing, I think. I don't want people to pat me on the shoulder and say "no no it's all her fault."
I don't however, think I'll need luck. One day vs. two months would be a little much for her to blow up and leave. More likely though it would be the fact that I missed that bird breeder show, which I legitimately wanted to see with her. But I'll mention that too. And yes, I should definitely be able to see it from her point of view.
Trust me, I spent plenty of time wondering what exactly she thought after I slammed her door and didn't see/talk to her again.
To me you seem like a very reasonable man. Just from that, if you really want her, you should be able to put this behind you and move on. I don't think you need much luck with that, but ofcourse, some luck always helps. :p
I also like the way you respond and take into consideration every advice that is posted in this thread. This should be the standard for girl blogs in general, really makes it seem like TL is helping out!
lol... Way to take some things faaaaaaaar too seriously, overreact and create drama where it wasn't needed. The false bravado you're displaying in this thread is amusing in the context of your reaction to her friend's comment about your sunglasses and your decision to storm out of her house. You were in the shitty mood because of how the night was going. Not because of her or her friend's comment. If you weren't being stupid in circumstances where you allowed your mood to be affected by shit you can't control, you would have laughed at the attempt to insult you, whether it was serious or a joke.
If you want to salvage this, you need to contact her and say something like 'Look, that was fucking stupid, the reactions were childish and I'm over it. Let's talk'.
Then when you talk you tell her in a controlled manner that behaviour X bothers you and you'd appreciate if she'd make an effort to curb it. The comments about her friend are best left alone; you took the bitch friend's bait I'm afraid. Be smarter in the future.
On September 19 2011 13:04 Brett wrote: lol... Way to take some things faaaaaaaar too seriously, overreact and create drama where it wasn't needed. The false bravado you're displaying in this thread is amusing in the context of your reaction to her friend's comment about your sunglasses and your decision to storm out of her house. You were in the shitty mood because of how the night was going. Not because of her or her friend's comment. If you weren't being stupid in circumstances where you allowed your mood to be affected by shit you can't control, you would have laughed at the attempt to insult you, whether it was serious or a joke.
If you want to salvage this, you need to contact her and say something like 'Look, that was fucking stupid, the reactions were childish and I'm over it. Let's talk'.
Then when you talk you tell her in a controlled manner that behaviour X bothers you and you'd appreciate if she'd make an effort to curb it. The comments about her friend are best left alone; you took the bitch friend's bait I'm afraid. Be smarter in the future.
You're wrong that I stormed out because of anything sunglass related. Now that that's out of the way, I will definitely only apologize about the friend thing, as has been made clear and therefore you don't need to mention. That was 100% both of our already being in a bad mood. And I said, I didn't leave because of the sunglasses comment, I left because she had the audacity to suggest she should drive me home, which I would never let happen.
And I can salvage it, don't think it's that dire. You clearly misunderstood the whole thread or didn't read it. I'm not worried about maintaining the relationship, just doing it in a meaningful and progressive way. But you're right that I could have said nothing about the sunglasses thing. That was the dumb thing that she dumbly overreacted about, and I was not serious about anyway.
On September 19 2011 10:04 Ancestral wrote: I said, I was joking, I really wanted to go with you, and Rocketnerd will get over it / literally doesn't care at all. Then I brought up the fact that one of her friends said to me "have you ever heard the song "sunglasses at night," clearly mocking me because I was wearing hipster-esque clear sunglasses in a bar at night. Yes it's cheesy but they had max swag. And I told her "your friends can't just mock me alright, that was disrespectful."
I logged in just to post this
I do not know the kind of tone the friend used since I was not there, but it doesn't seem like she was trying to mock you with what I can tell. You reminded her of the song (I don't know why, your clear shades are not dark shades like in the song) so she decided to bring up the topic to, either make conversation and build rapport or to supposedly "mock" you (which I doubt). You could have taken this opportunity to create ties with the friend and play it off playfully with her instead of interpreting it as an attack (seems like you were the one that brought up your shields); perhaps you don't feel like yourself while wearing the sunglasses, but I don't know. Now this line "the had max swag" I don't understand what you are trying to say, so I'll just skip it.
Even if she was disrespecting you, it has nothing to do with your girlfriend, so don't pin the issue on her and try to make her resolve it. It is not like a man to blame others for your issues, so always try to appear as a man of higher value. Women test you with questions like this to see how well you react when you're on the spot, wish I knew how you responded. After this encounter, the mood with your girlfriend took a turn for the worst and ended with an embarrassing finale. I am merely giving you another perspective on the moment where you did wrong.
I'm curious, what kind of sunglasses were you wearing? These:
On September 19 2011 13:01 VarmVaffel wrote: To me you seem like a very reasonable man. Just from that, if you really want her, you should be able to put this behind you and move on. I don't think you need much luck with that, but ofcourse, some luck always helps. :p
I also like the way you respond and take into consideration every advice that is posted in this thread. This should be the standard for girl blogs in general, really makes it seem like TL is helping out!
Thanks. And yeah, I think it will work out fine, but it could be more or less stressful. Luck would mean less stressful so I'll hope for that.
There is a fine line in dating a "submissive woman" and not pulling a tampon out. My girlfriend is a feminist as well(and I won't be like you and try to be all politically correct, the bitch is a feminist pure and simple) At the same time I don't take any of her shit, if the bitch gets out of line with me, I don't take that shit and I let her know that. You have two options really, man up and just take the road you're on and see where it goes or be some little pussy whipped bitch and go apologize to her even though she instigated and fueled the fire. I anit saying you can't talk to her and try and patch things up, but just straight up apologizing because she thinks shes "right" is a real bitch move and puts all the power in her hands. Ill put it real simple for you, hike up your skirt, take your tampon out, borrow some balls, and go talk to her but don't apologize and don't let her walk all over you.
On September 19 2011 10:04 Ancestral wrote: I said, I was joking, I really wanted to go with you, and Rocketnerd will get over it / literally doesn't care at all. Then I brought up the fact that one of her friends said to me "have you ever heard the song "sunglasses at night," clearly mocking me because I was wearing hipster-esque clear sunglasses in a bar at night. Yes it's cheesy but they had max swag. And I told her "your friends can't just mock me alright, that was disrespectful."
I logged in just to post this
I do not know the kind of tone the friend used since I was not there, but it doesn't seem like she was trying to mock you with what I can tell. You reminded her of the song (I don't know why, your clear shades are not dark shades like in the song) so she decided to bring up the topic to, either make conversation and build rapport or to supposedly "mock" you (which I doubt). You could have taken this opportunity to create ties with the friend and play it off playfully with her instead of interpreting it as an attack (seems like you were the one that brought up your shields); perhaps you don't feel like yourself while wearing the sunglasses, but I don't know. Now this line "the had max swag" I don't understand what you are trying to say, so I'll just skip it.
Even if she was disrespecting you, it has nothing to do with your girlfriend, so don't pin the issue on her and try to make her resolve it. It is not like a man to blame others for your issues, so always try to appear as a man of higher value. Women test you with questions like this to see how well you react when you're on the spot, wish I knew how you responded. After this encounter, the mood with your girlfriend took a turn for the worst and ended with an embarrassing finale. I am merely giving you another perspective on the moment where you did wrong.
I'm curious, what kind of sunglasses were you wearing? These:
these:
or these:
You're probably somewhat right at least, which is why I'm just going to apologize that I said anything about her friend. But also say "I didn't mean it in an offensive way and it was just an off the cuff remark."
On September 19 2011 13:11 Trowabarton756 wrote: There is a fine line in dating a "submissive woman" and not pulling a tampon out. My girlfriend is a feminist as well(and I won't be like you and try to be all politically correct, the bitch is a feminist pure and simple) At the same time I don't take any of her shit, if the bitch gets out of line with me, I don't take that shit and I let her know that. You have two options really, man up and just take the road you're on and see where it goes or be some little pussy whipped bitch and go apologize to her even though she instigated and fueled the fire. I anit saying you can't talk to her and try and patch things up, but just straight up apologizing because she thinks shes "right" is a real bitch move and puts all the power in her hands. Ill put it real simple for you, hike up your skirt, take your tampon out, borrow some balls, and go talk to her but don't apologize and don't let her walk all over you.
I won't be a little bitch, trust me. Even if I set out to do that, I wouldn't be able to. Seeing as how we're dating each other, she knows me, and certainly knows I won't be a little bitch about it. But I'm also not going to be a dick. I'm going to do it correctly and she'll be fine and continue to want me and change her ways a little and I'll potentially not be a dramatic asshole again for a good while.
She's admitted she was wrong and felt like a bitch plenty of times. I expect to get that, but I also have to give a little ground.
On September 19 2011 13:04 Brett wrote: lol... Way to take some things faaaaaaaar too seriously, overreact and create drama where it wasn't needed. The false bravado you're displaying in this thread is amusing in the context of your reaction to her friend's comment about your sunglasses and your decision to storm out of her house. You were in the shitty mood because of how the night was going. Not because of her or her friend's comment. If you weren't being stupid in circumstances where you allowed your mood to be affected by shit you can't control, you would have laughed at the attempt to insult you, whether it was serious or a joke.
If you want to salvage this, you need to contact her and say something like 'Look, that was fucking stupid, the reactions were childish and I'm over it. Let's talk'.
Then when you talk you tell her in a controlled manner that behaviour X bothers you and you'd appreciate if she'd make an effort to curb it. The comments about her friend are best left alone; you took the bitch friend's bait I'm afraid. Be smarter in the future.
You're wrong that I stormed out because of anything sunglass related. Now that that's out of the way, I will definitely only apologize about the friend thing, as has been made clear and therefore you don't need to mention. That was 100% both of our already being in a bad mood. And I said, I didn't leave because of the sunglasses comment, I left because she had the audacity to suggest she should drive me home, which I would never let happen.
And I can salvage it, don't think it's that dire. You clearly misunderstood the whole thread or didn't read it. I'm not worried about maintaining the relationship, just doing it in a meaningful and progressive way. But you're right that I could have said nothing about the sunglasses thing. That was the dumb thing that she dumbly overreacted about, and I was not serious about anyway.
What? You accuse me of not reading and then post that?
My sentence about bravado is telling you that I think it's funny that you've posted all this "I've got swag" shit in this thread, but the bottom line is, you got shitty at her friend because you were being emo about your gig. You got so riled up about the way the night had gone that you let her comments make you storm out of her house in a huff. I mean LOL. You obviously STEWED on her comments while she was in the bathroom and when she came out and said you should go, you bust out before the tears flowed. No guy who's 'got swag' should be doing that..
When I say salvage it, I'm not talking about getting on your knees and apologising to her, begging forgiveness to save the best relationship you've ever had... I'm talking about not letting yourself get so whiney in the future because, basically, somethind didnt go to plan (in this case, your gig). Im talking about telling her it was dumb (it was) and getting on with things after stating your position. If she wont bend to some degree, fuck her off.. there are plenty of others out there.
Edit: I don't buy that this is about her saying "Im taking you home", as if her driving you was the deal breaker... She drove you TO her house in the first place, no?
TLDR: It's reasonable to expect to be able to tell her that X bothers you and have some movement from her. It's stupid to get whiney and storm out in a huff because of what happened that night.
On September 19 2011 13:04 Brett wrote: lol... Way to take some things faaaaaaaar too seriously, overreact and create drama where it wasn't needed. The false bravado you're displaying in this thread is amusing in the context of your reaction to her friend's comment about your sunglasses and your decision to storm out of her house. You were in the shitty mood because of how the night was going. Not because of her or her friend's comment. If you weren't being stupid in circumstances where you allowed your mood to be affected by shit you can't control, you would have laughed at the attempt to insult you, whether it was serious or a joke.
If you want to salvage this, you need to contact her and say something like 'Look, that was fucking stupid, the reactions were childish and I'm over it. Let's talk'.
Then when you talk you tell her in a controlled manner that behaviour X bothers you and you'd appreciate if she'd make an effort to curb it. The comments about her friend are best left alone; you took the bitch friend's bait I'm afraid. Be smarter in the future.
You're wrong that I stormed out because of anything sunglass related. Now that that's out of the way, I will definitely only apologize about the friend thing, as has been made clear and therefore you don't need to mention. That was 100% both of our already being in a bad mood. And I said, I didn't leave because of the sunglasses comment, I left because she had the audacity to suggest she should drive me home, which I would never let happen.
And I can salvage it, don't think it's that dire. You clearly misunderstood the whole thread or didn't read it. I'm not worried about maintaining the relationship, just doing it in a meaningful and progressive way. But you're right that I could have said nothing about the sunglasses thing. That was the dumb thing that she dumbly overreacted about, and I was not serious about anyway.
What? You accuse me of not reading and then post that?
My sentence about bravado is telling you that I think it's funny that you've posted all this "I've got swag" shit in this thread, but the bottom line is, you got shitty at her friend because you were being emo about your gig. You got so riled up about the way the night had gone that you let her comments make you storm out of her house in a huff. I mean LOL. You obviously STEWED on her comments while she was in the bathroom and when she came out and said you should go, you bust out before the tears flowed. No guy who's 'got swag' should be doing that..
When I say salvage it, I'm not talking about getting on your knees and apologising to her, begging forgiveness to save the best relationship you've ever had... I'm talking about not letting yourself get so whiney in the future because, basically, somethind didnt go to plan (in this case, your gig). Im talking about telling her it was dumb (it was) and getting on with things after stating your position. If she wont bend to some degree, fuck her off.. there are plenty of others out there.
I didn't say anything to her friend. And no one on Earth ever uses the word "swag" seriously. And like I said, I said one sentence about the glasses, and they were not the reason for my dismay. And I wasn't about to cry. You're an idiot. And I didn't whine. Why are you so stupid? Do you get off trolling and being stupid? Nothing constructive said, a gross misinterpretation of the situation, and you must have skipped words when you read the whole thread.
I stormed out because she told me she was going to drive me home and I wasn't going to suffer a 10 minute car ride with someone who was basically kicking me out. Don't be so stupid and dense in the future. Jesus Christ. Worthless. You're a chump.
On September 19 2011 13:04 Brett wrote: lol... Way to take some things faaaaaaaar too seriously, overreact and create drama where it wasn't needed. The false bravado you're displaying in this thread is amusing in the context of your reaction to her friend's comment about your sunglasses and your decision to storm out of her house. You were in the shitty mood because of how the night was going. Not because of her or her friend's comment. If you weren't being stupid in circumstances where you allowed your mood to be affected by shit you can't control, you would have laughed at the attempt to insult you, whether it was serious or a joke.
If you want to salvage this, you need to contact her and say something like 'Look, that was fucking stupid, the reactions were childish and I'm over it. Let's talk'.
Then when you talk you tell her in a controlled manner that behaviour X bothers you and you'd appreciate if she'd make an effort to curb it. The comments about her friend are best left alone; you took the bitch friend's bait I'm afraid. Be smarter in the future.
You're wrong that I stormed out because of anything sunglass related. Now that that's out of the way, I will definitely only apologize about the friend thing, as has been made clear and therefore you don't need to mention. That was 100% both of our already being in a bad mood. And I said, I didn't leave because of the sunglasses comment, I left because she had the audacity to suggest she should drive me home, which I would never let happen.
And I can salvage it, don't think it's that dire. You clearly misunderstood the whole thread or didn't read it. I'm not worried about maintaining the relationship, just doing it in a meaningful and progressive way. But you're right that I could have said nothing about the sunglasses thing. That was the dumb thing that she dumbly overreacted about, and I was not serious about anyway.
What? You accuse me of not reading and then post that?
My sentence about bravado is telling you that I think it's funny that you've posted all this "I've got swag" shit in this thread, but the bottom line is, you got shitty at her friend because you were being emo about your gig. You got so riled up about the way the night had gone that you let her comments make you storm out of her house in a huff. I mean LOL. You obviously STEWED on her comments while she was in the bathroom and when she came out and said you should go, you bust out before the tears flowed. No guy who's 'got swag' should be doing that..
When I say salvage it, I'm not talking about getting on your knees and apologising to her, begging forgiveness to save the best relationship you've ever had... I'm talking about not letting yourself get so whiney in the future because, basically, somethind didnt go to plan (in this case, your gig). Im talking about telling her it was dumb (it was) and getting on with things after stating your position. If she wont bend to some degree, fuck her off.. there are plenty of others out there.
I didn't say anything to her friend. And no one on Earth ever uses the word "swag" seriously. And like I said, I said one sentence about the glasses, and they were not the reason for my dismay. And I wasn't about to cry. You're an idiot. And I didn't whine. Why are you so stupid? Do you get off trolling and being stupid? Nothing constructive said, a gross misinterpretation of the situation, and you must have skipped words when you read the whole thread.
I stormed out because she told me she was going to drive me home and I wasn't going to suffer a 10 minute car ride with someone who was basically kicking me out. Don't be so stupid and dense in the future. Jesus Christ. Worthless. You're a chump.
Haha. Having a cry again? You post this shit and ask for help with your girl problems. Be prepared for people to tell you that you were acting like a bitch.
Talk about cherry picking words out of a sentence.
On September 19 2011 13:04 Brett wrote: lol... Way to take some things faaaaaaaar too seriously, overreact and create drama where it wasn't needed. The false bravado you're displaying in this thread is amusing in the context of your reaction to her friend's comment about your sunglasses and your decision to storm out of her house. You were in the shitty mood because of how the night was going. Not because of her or her friend's comment. If you weren't being stupid in circumstances where you allowed your mood to be affected by shit you can't control, you would have laughed at the attempt to insult you, whether it was serious or a joke.
If you want to salvage this, you need to contact her and say something like 'Look, that was fucking stupid, the reactions were childish and I'm over it. Let's talk'.
Then when you talk you tell her in a controlled manner that behaviour X bothers you and you'd appreciate if she'd make an effort to curb it. The comments about her friend are best left alone; you took the bitch friend's bait I'm afraid. Be smarter in the future.
You're wrong that I stormed out because of anything sunglass related. Now that that's out of the way, I will definitely only apologize about the friend thing, as has been made clear and therefore you don't need to mention. That was 100% both of our already being in a bad mood. And I said, I didn't leave because of the sunglasses comment, I left because she had the audacity to suggest she should drive me home, which I would never let happen.
And I can salvage it, don't think it's that dire. You clearly misunderstood the whole thread or didn't read it. I'm not worried about maintaining the relationship, just doing it in a meaningful and progressive way. But you're right that I could have said nothing about the sunglasses thing. That was the dumb thing that she dumbly overreacted about, and I was not serious about anyway.
What? You accuse me of not reading and then post that?
My sentence about bravado is telling you that I think it's funny that you've posted all this "I've got swag" shit in this thread, but the bottom line is, you got shitty at her friend because you were being emo about your gig. You got so riled up about the way the night had gone that you let her comments make you storm out of her house in a huff. I mean LOL. You obviously STEWED on her comments while she was in the bathroom and when she came out and said you should go, you bust out before the tears flowed. No guy who's 'got swag' should be doing that..
When I say salvage it, I'm not talking about getting on your knees and apologising to her, begging forgiveness to save the best relationship you've ever had... I'm talking about not letting yourself get so whiney in the future because, basically, somethind didnt go to plan (in this case, your gig). Im talking about telling her it was dumb (it was) and getting on with things after stating your position. If she wont bend to some degree, fuck her off.. there are plenty of others out there.
I didn't say anything to her friend. And no one on Earth ever uses the word "swag" seriously. And like I said, I said one sentence about the glasses, and they were not the reason for my dismay. And I wasn't about to cry. You're an idiot. And I didn't whine. Why are you so stupid? Do you get off trolling and being stupid? Nothing constructive said, a gross misinterpretation of the situation, and you must have skipped words when you read the whole thread.
I stormed out because she told me she was going to drive me home and I wasn't going to suffer a 10 minute car ride with someone who was basically kicking me out. Don't be so stupid and dense in the future. Jesus Christ. Worthless. You're a chump.
Haha. Having a cry again? You post this shit and ask for help with your girl problems. Be prepared for people to tell you that you were acting like a bitch.
Talk about cherry picking words out of a sentence.
Have you read the thread? I have considered anything constructive anyone has said. And reacted negatively to chumps, like yourself.
Yep. I read it, kid. You're the one asking for advice, sometimes that means you have to be prepared to cop criticism. You clearly are not. It's ok, you'll get there one day, I'm sure.
On September 19 2011 14:17 Brett wrote: Yep. I read it, kid. You're the one asking for advice, sometimes that means you have to be prepared to cop criticism. You clearly are not. It's ok, you'll get there one day, I'm sure.
Why do you keep doing this. Your post wasn't helpful, so I informed you of that. And you won't be posting anymore.
Sounds like to me that both parts are at fault. Wether both will admit it is another matter.. I am not you so I dont know it goes in your head but to me it either sounds like you two are done with eachother or someone has to man up and apoligize.. I dont know about the sunglasses, I really doubt that the reason you bitched at them were because they commented on those. Something else which bothered you probally made you take that sunglass thing to the heart Hope you figure it out man, people's been giving you some crap in this thread which isn't really needed at all.
Aww lol your girlfriend was right. The entire thread screams out loud "I AM ALWAYS RIGHT".
First sunglasses indoor in a possibly dark club are pretty fucking lame, wonder how many had their fun on the matter. Pretty sure you were the target of many a joke from the spectators. Were you doing a comedic number? Maybe that's why they didn't care about the crappy sound. And her friend just happened to be near you when he had his turn. :D
Second you messed up that joke part so badly you can't even imagine. Did you actually think she even thought about your friend being upset that you left? You made her look bad, why ffs would you ever say something that stupid unless you wanted to piss her off. I understand you actually wanted to go with her but the statement you made is exactly what she didn't want to hear you spout to your friends. For most people words do hurt and a little care must be taken. Joke or no joke you basically stereotyped her as one of those girls in front of your friends, take that fact as a sign that she wanted to know them/have them respect her, for you.
Yeah she overreacted but you didn't make it hard for her to blow.
On September 19 2011 16:43 dakalro wrote: Aww lol your girlfriend was right. The entire thread screams out loud "I AM ALWAYS RIGHT".
First sunglasses indoor in a possibly dark club are pretty fucking lame, wonder how many had their fun on the matter. Pretty sure you were the target of many a joke from the spectators. Were you doing a comedic number? Maybe that's why they didn't care about the crappy sound. And her friend just happened to be near you when he had his turn. :D
Second you messed up that joke part so badly you can't even imagine. Did you actually think she even thought about your friend being upset that you left? You made her look bad, why ffs would you ever say something that stupid unless you wanted to piss her off. I understand you actually wanted to go with her but the statement you made is exactly what she didn't want to hear you spout to your friends. For most people words do hurt and a little care must be taken. Joke or no joke you basically stereotyped her as one of those girls in front of your friends, take that fact as a sign that she wanted to know them/have them respect her, for you.
Yeah she overreacted but you didn't make it hard for her to blow.
Hey faggot, why are you a faggot? You didn't read the thread. Or you chose to ignore it and are a troll.
Why even make a blog about something if you're not willing to take criticism or advice? Keep it to yourself, you certainly don't seem capable of handling any kind of things that may somewhat make you look slightly bad.
More and more you give credit to your girlfriend's words. You just can't take criticism, can't handle actually thinking you are wrong.
You do realize, joke or no joke, you've made your girlfriend look bad in front of your friends, possibly her friends, wasn't clear if they were also there when you didn't think. Doesn't matter how much of a joke it was, it was insulting to her. Do you actually think next time you want to go early your friends won't say "Whipped", "She wants you home early, right?"
Why do you even get into an argument if you're already pissed. That never goes too well. You used your girlfriend to blow off steam from the tech failures and the argument itself. Grow a pair and go talk to her.
On September 19 2011 13:04 Brett wrote: lol... Way to take some things faaaaaaaar too seriously, overreact and create drama where it wasn't needed. The false bravado you're displaying in this thread is amusing in the context of your reaction to her friend's comment about your sunglasses and your decision to storm out of her house. You were in the shitty mood because of how the night was going. Not because of her or her friend's comment. If you weren't being stupid in circumstances where you allowed your mood to be affected by shit you can't control, you would have laughed at the attempt to insult you, whether it was serious or a joke.
If you want to salvage this, you need to contact her and say something like 'Look, that was fucking stupid, the reactions were childish and I'm over it. Let's talk'.
Then when you talk you tell her in a controlled manner that behaviour X bothers you and you'd appreciate if she'd make an effort to curb it. The comments about her friend are best left alone; you took the bitch friend's bait I'm afraid. Be smarter in the future.
You're wrong that I stormed out because of anything sunglass related. Now that that's out of the way, I will definitely only apologize about the friend thing, as has been made clear and therefore you don't need to mention. That was 100% both of our already being in a bad mood. And I said, I didn't leave because of the sunglasses comment, I left because she had the audacity to suggest she should drive me home, which I would never let happen.
And I can salvage it, don't think it's that dire. You clearly misunderstood the whole thread or didn't read it. I'm not worried about maintaining the relationship, just doing it in a meaningful and progressive way. But you're right that I could have said nothing about the sunglasses thing. That was the dumb thing that she dumbly overreacted about, and I was not serious about anyway.
What? You accuse me of not reading and then post that?
My sentence about bravado is telling you that I think it's funny that you've posted all this "I've got swag" shit in this thread, but the bottom line is, you got shitty at her friend because you were being emo about your gig. You got so riled up about the way the night had gone that you let her comments make you storm out of her house in a huff. I mean LOL. You obviously STEWED on her comments while she was in the bathroom and when she came out and said you should go, you bust out before the tears flowed. No guy who's 'got swag' should be doing that..
When I say salvage it, I'm not talking about getting on your knees and apologising to her, begging forgiveness to save the best relationship you've ever had... I'm talking about not letting yourself get so whiney in the future because, basically, somethind didnt go to plan (in this case, your gig). Im talking about telling her it was dumb (it was) and getting on with things after stating your position. If she wont bend to some degree, fuck her off.. there are plenty of others out there.
I didn't say anything to her friend. And no one on Earth ever uses the word "swag" seriously. And like I said, I said one sentence about the glasses, and they were not the reason for my dismay. And I wasn't about to cry. You're an idiot. And I didn't whine. Why are you so stupid? Do you get off trolling and being stupid? Nothing constructive said, a gross misinterpretation of the situation, and you must have skipped words when you read the whole thread.
I stormed out because she told me she was going to drive me home and I wasn't going to suffer a 10 minute car ride with someone who was basically kicking me out. Don't be so stupid and dense in the future. Jesus Christ. Worthless. You're a chump.
Are you serious right now? Why would you first make a thread asking for advice (totally fine with me nothing wrong with that.) then proceed to if someone gives advice you dislike or bashes on your actions of the night insult them rampantly. Not only does this gain you nothing but some silly ego boost but it discourages anyone else from posting advice which you clearly seek. If someone says something you dislike in your own blog I would think just ignoring it would be more effective.
Ontopic: As for you situation I really don't think you gave us enough information. Sure we know plenty about what caused the problem and even the problem but not a whole lot about where you want to take it. I'll just assume you want to stay with her because that is a pretty safe assumption to make. But other then that it is hard for anyone to give proper advice since nobody knows what you are and what you aren't willing to give up. Sure we know that you "won't be a whiny little bitch" but won't be a dick either? But what does that even mean. If you actually want some good advice you attempt to inform people of what your wants are out of a situation. That way the best, clearest, and most to the point advice can be given =)
From my viewpoint (which is derived from your viewpoint, biased or not... I wonder how your girlfriend would have described the night), you made more mistakes than were committed against you. And the way you respond to the people ratting on you, for bashing on their advice that you just happen to disagree with, seems to exemplify why you might think you deserve an apology more than your girlfriend does. Be more open-minded to others' perspectives, both within this blog and with your girlfriend. I'm sure you think you're being open-minded already, that's why I said be more open-minded. Perhaps you need to realize that in a real relationship, that type of mindset will only slow you down, if not put things to a complete halt. But you seem like an intelligent fellow, so perhaps you know exactly what to do deep down and are just waiting for it to cut through your ego.
With that being said... my suggestion: Communication. Be the better person, and hope it reciprocates. You call your girlfriend an intelligent, rational person. I would think then, that proper communication and rationalization should at the very least make her think about things in better light. From my experience, if you can get both parties to rationalize about the facts of the situation, things will sort itself out from there. Hope it works out!
I really don't understand why you are planning on not speaking for so long over something so stupid.
I think the worst thing is you really don't care about why she got upset about you saying "yeah I'm leaving cause of my gf" to you it was just a joke and is nothing, in a relationship you care even if you don't get why it is such a big deal.. you care because your partner cares, and you don't want to have massive dramatic arguments over things that can be dealt with if you would just pull your head in and listen to what she is saying and understand why she got upset about it, instead of not caring at all and then throwing in a complaint about her that you dont even care about.
Take a step back for a moment, you were upset about the gig not going well, you felt embarressed infront of her AND HER FRIENDS, because of it. You made her feel like an idiot infront of your friends by saying what you said. It might have been a joke between you and your dj friend but that doesn't always mean everyone gets the joke... kinda like you didnt get the joke her friend made to you... Just call her, intead of being so childish listen to what she has to say and try to understand her side, tell her your side, understand eachother and yourself and move on. One day of angry tantrums won't ruin a relationship but 3~4weeks of no speaking has much more of a chance.
My honest advice to you for this relationships and all future ones is stop looking for why you are right and they are wrong, but what you did wrong and understanding how you hurt them. That doesn't mean you ignore why you got upset, but not caring why they are unhappy and not speaking are very good ways to end things.
Oh and I just have to say that dominance or submissiveness is not in any way proportional to how intellectually smart you are
Why would you bring up her friends comments about your glasses, if you weren't actually offended by their comments? Then you basically blame your gf infront of her by telling your friend that she wants to leave. You just fucked things up by acting insecure.
As for wearing sunglasses at a club, it depends a lot on the event. Though mostly people wear them to cover their eyes while they're rolling.
It's impressive how much some people can blow up tiny things.
My tip: Visit her. Say "I'm sorry for acting like a douche" and be done with it. It'll be forgotten in a few days anyways and noone cares about who did what anymore.
From the posts i read of you in this thread, you sound like a moping (correct term?) kid sitting in a corner waiting for her to apologize. Get over yourself and stop bothering with such stupid problems, you are only hurting yourself and in the end, noone is right anyways.
Oh boiii, girl blog, let me prepare my pretentious, slim glass of wine. I'll edit in my no doubt amazing advice in just a bit!
edit:
Mmm'kay!
You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
u forella son?
ok, dunno if its worth it but kk
well, in Norway we don't have trouble following the "don't do shit at all" route, because we're emotionless lazy rich bastards who fucking love pizza. If my GF went on a rant about how i'm a total asshole and I deserve to die (never happened three times of course) I just go "Good to know" and go back to practice (Starcraft practice, that is). Easier that way.
It's so ez if you know how to not give a shit.
Excuse me, sipping wine
M'kay, onwards. So, what may you do. Well, i've already told you the Norwegian way, but I understand that's not the norm in the US of A.
What is the norm i USA? Do you just buy another large pizza with your credit cards and go spend money?? Ok I should stop before I start sounding racist anyway (too late?).
M'kay, finally, I'll go look up my list of shit and advice that vaguely applies to everything ever:
uuhhh ok here we go... open the text edit document... there
kk, of all the stratagems, to know when to quit is the best. See? Fixes everything.
Also, talk does not cook rice
edit2:
Hey faggot, why are you a faggot? You didn't read the thread. Or you chose to ignore it and are a troll.
I was somewhat sympathetic reading through the OP. I thought you acted pretty dumb that night, but I can see where discussion broke down between both parties, even if you made a few dumb calls.
Then I read all of the OP's other posts in here and... LOL. How'd you get her to date you in the first place?
It sounds like you (and your girl) are blowing things way out of proportion. I mean, you haven’t spoken with her since the argument and missed a thing that you had been planning for weeks, an event which probably was important to her. She sounds like a keeper and your “disagreement” seems pretty fucking stupid. Yet, instead of calling her you blog about it like a drama queen. Who is the girl in this relationship again? Girls will overreact. Learn to deal with it, don’t imitate their behaviour.
Regarding the sunglasses, I strongly advice you not to wear them. But if you do and people joke about it, make a funny comeback and you might appear as a charming guy, rather than a guy who is 100 % serious about his indoor shades.
Someone on LP responded to a similar post to yours.. he said something like, "Be a man, men are supposed to be strong ones in the relationship, not little bitches". Something like that, but your post reminds me of his.
Nut up or shut up.
Also, you come across as an asshat. That's just my opinion of course
On September 19 2011 21:40 Haemonculus wrote: I was somewhat sympathetic reading through the OP. I thought you acted pretty dumb that night, but I can see where discussion broke down between both parties, even if you made a few dumb calls.
Then I read all of the OP's other posts in here and... LOL. How'd you get her to date you in the first place?
Actually that is a good question since he blogged about asking advice on this. What gift did you end up giving her?
On September 19 2011 10:46 Rekrul wrote: Next time some insecure fag mocks your indoor sunglasses wearing, just take them off stare him deeply and intensely in the eyes for a few seconds and ask him very seriously "WHO is the KING?" and then before he can reply say "ME" as you put your sunglasses back on.
Finding girl advice from Rekrul is always like finding a gem <3
Although this response might go unnoticed, and I DONT like to be a dick to other TLers but..
I have always found you (from your other blog posts) to be extremely egotistical, vain and self-entitled. Sounds like, despite your great self, you always need a lot of reassurance, whether it be from people blinding siding with you or from your DJing. I mean, you even wrote about how she's good at "pretending" to be interested in your things...maybe she actually is? A relationship that lasts isn't made upon "forced" common ground, it takes genuine interest...
We probably can't help you (and I still don't get how TL blogs can really...), but everything about that night needs to be given context in how they all said it. For instance:
- If the sound sucks, but the crowd doesn't care and nobody is blaming you, just enjoy the night and stop getting pissed at everything. Yea, it may not be how you wanted it to go, but that's life, one bad sounding night at a random sleazy bar doesn't mean anything. - If all that was said about the sunglasses comment was what you wrote...then grow up and laugh it off, say "yea, I look kind of douchey" and joke around. - Is she at fault? Of course she sounds like she's somewhat it, but with all your whining, I don't see how/why this relationship should last. You've already managed to screw your teacher, move on.
I also think this is pretty key in understanding your train of thought: -
If I call her, or apologize, I'll be compromising my integrity and she might be pissy anyway.
...seriously son, you're probably 21? and she's probably 27? This isn't high school, if you feel you were wrong, take the step up and call. If you really don't feel you were wrong then move on. A relationship isn't a competition. Grow. Up.
Lastly, maybe, just maybe, if the majority of people DON'T share your point of view....the problem is ..with you?
There were several pages of people offering criticism and advice. This and the last one weren't, they were people flaunting their moral superiority, saying "yeah you fucked up," which I've been quick to acknowledge. Several of you, however, have been very helpful and I appreciate it.
I don't know if mods close blogs but close this one if you can! Thanks.
On September 19 2011 21:40 Haemonculus wrote: I was somewhat sympathetic reading through the OP. I thought you acted pretty dumb that night, but I can see where discussion broke down between both parties, even if you made a few dumb calls.
Then I read all of the OP's other posts in here and... LOL. How'd you get her to date you in the first place?
Actually that is a good question since he blogged about asking advice on this. What gift did you end up giving her?
On September 20 2011 03:42 OpticalShot wrote: I have no advice to give, seems like you have it all figured it out already.
On the other hand, I thank you sir for the delicious drama in this thread.
No probs!
On September 19 2011 21:33 marttorn wrote: Oh boiii, girl blog, let me prepare my pretentious, slim glass of wine. I'll edit in my no doubt amazing advice in just a bit!
You sound jealous. It's okay, not everyone swags as hard as I do.
u forella son?
ok, dunno if its worth it but kk
well, in Norway we don't have trouble following the "don't do shit at all" route, because we're emotionless lazy rich bastards who fucking love pizza. If my GF went on a rant about how i'm a total asshole and I deserve to die (never happened three times of course) I just go "Good to know" and go back to practice (Starcraft practice, that is). Easier that way.
It's so ez if you know how to not give a shit.
Excuse me, sipping wine
M'kay, onwards. So, what may you do. Well, i've already told you the Norwegian way, but I understand that's not the norm in the US of A.
What is the norm i USA? Do you just buy another large pizza with your credit cards and go spend money?? Ok I should stop before I start sounding racist anyway (too late?).
M'kay, finally, I'll go look up my list of shit and advice that vaguely applies to everything ever:
uuhhh ok here we go... open the text edit document... there
kk, of all the stratagems, to know when to quit is the best. See? Fixes everything.
Hey faggot, why are you a faggot? You didn't read the thread. Or you chose to ignore it and are a troll.
EXCUSE ME ROFL
Haha. And yeah, I was mad. Still am. TL has plenty of pricks. Perhaps I am one, but others need not flaunt that they belong to the same tribe.
On September 19 2011 20:37 TabyLing wrote: I really don't understand why you are planning on not speaking for so long over something so stupid.
I think the worst thing is you really don't care about why she got upset about you saying "yeah I'm leaving cause of my gf" to you it was just a joke and is nothing, in a relationship you care even if you don't get why it is such a big deal.. you care because your partner cares, and you don't want to have massive dramatic arguments over things that can be dealt with if you would just pull your head in and listen to what she is saying and understand why she got upset about it, instead of not caring at all and then throwing in a complaint about her that you dont even care about.
Take a step back for a moment, you were upset about the gig not going well, you felt embarressed infront of her AND HER FRIENDS, because of it. You made her feel like an idiot infront of your friends by saying what you said. It might have been a joke between you and your dj friend but that doesn't always mean everyone gets the joke... kinda like you didnt get the joke her friend made to you... Just call her, intead of being so childish listen to what she has to say and try to understand her side, tell her your side, understand eachother and yourself and move on. One day of angry tantrums won't ruin a relationship but 3~4weeks of no speaking has much more of a chance.
My honest advice to you for this relationships and all future ones is stop looking for why you are right and they are wrong, but what you did wrong and understanding how you hurt them. That doesn't mean you ignore why you got upset, but not caring why they are unhappy and not speaking are very good ways to end things.
Oh and I just have to say that dominance or submissiveness is not in any way proportional to how intellectually smart you are
I'm not looking why she's wrong and I'm right. You failed to comprehend anything I said.
Edit: And yeah please close if you can. Despite the fact that I am loathe to discard something so apparently entertaining to most.
Maybe I chose the wrong choice of words... You have stated here that you don't really care much about why she got upset and that if you call her you are only going to apologise for the friend thing. Just understand her point of view and let her understand yours, your not caring and saying its not a problem because you understood where it was coming from, and passing off the fact that she cared about it, are where you make it look like you are all about being right and why she is so in the wrong.
Sometimes arguments and relationships aren't about who is the more right one, who gets the last word in, and who can hold out the longest in not speaking to eachother competitions. Sometimes you have to give a little, let go of your self righteousness and care about something that is obviously a problem. Care about it and explain your view, understand what the other person is saying and understand how maybe you can change. They might need to change a bit aswell, after all its both of you in the relationship togeather. It's great when you can push eachother to achieve your goals and change to be better people. Although I would think the biggest thing she is annoyed about is that you really didn't care about how you made her unhappy, and they you further show you don't care by not speaking to her and missing her big event. I'm not trying to attack you, but you really need to take a step back and look at your attitude, because it really does come off as childish, self involved, and "I'm always right". Some would argue this isn't the best attitude to have.
On September 20 2011 07:12 TabyLing wrote: Maybe I chose the wrong choice of words... You have stated here that you don't really care much about why she got upset and that if you call her you are only going to apologise for the friend thing. Just understand her point of view and let her understand yours, your not caring and saying its not a problem because you understood where it was coming from, and passing off the fact that she cared about it, are where you make it look like you are all about being right and why she is so in the wrong.
Sometimes arguments and relationships aren't about who is the more right one, who gets the last word in, and who can hold out the longest in not speaking to eachother competitions. Sometimes you have to give a little, let go of your self righteousness and care about something that is obviously a problem. Care about it and explain your view, understand what the other person is saying and understand how maybe you can change. They might need to change a bit aswell, after all its both of you in the relationship togeather. It's great when you can push eachother to achieve your goals and change to be better people. Although I would think the biggest thing she is annoyed about is that you really didn't care about how you made her unhappy, and they you further show you don't care by not speaking to her and missing her big event. I'm not trying to attack you, but you really need to take a step back and look at your attitude, because it really does come off as childish, self involved, and "I'm always right". Some would argue this isn't the best attitude to have.
She doesn't know yet that I didn't care. It was like a 30 second ordeal which is what sucks the most. She walked off for a while, came back and said "I'm mad about what you said about my friend, I'm taking you home."
I could have said "I was NOT that serious, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shit-talk your ugly goblin friend. I'm just in a bad mood blah blah blah." Maybe make it sound a little nicer. I DO care about upsetting her, and I'll apologize about the friend comment because I'm not strongly committed to my position. I'll admit I was DEFINITELY not in the right, but I mistakenly thought it was incidental and she wouldn't care.
I don't think I was right about complaining about her friend. But I don't think she was right about breaking instantly because of it. My opinion is that no one was right, but it's up to me to fix it if I want to. Believe it or not, I think I'm less proud than she is. I accept that I made mistakes, and she probably will eventually, but not right now. And we've talked since I started this blog and I certainly didn't mention I felt she was wrong too. But I will eventually. In a civil manner. And then she'll relent and stay quiet about it next time and apologize.
You should have just fucked her friend, and dumped your doctorate gf, because to be honest your gf sounds like a pussy. You should have took off your glasses, glared at her, then kissed her. Don't be a malleable bitch.
On September 20 2011 07:20 Endymion wrote: You should have just fucked her friend, and dumped your doctorate gf, because to be honest your gf sounds like a pussy. You should have took off your glasses, glared at her, then kissed her. Don't be a malleable bitch.
On September 20 2011 07:17 Ancestral wrote: She doesn't know yet that I didn't care. It was like a 30 second ordeal which is what sucks the most. She walked off for a while, came back and said "I'm mad about what you said about my friend, I'm taking you home."
Slow down: that's not what you said the first time.
On September 19 2011 10:04 Ancestral wrote: Also, at some point in the 20 minutes I was at her apartment, she invoked the all-to-common "you always think you're right," which I've told her before offends me and she should say what she actually means instead of that phrase, which really means "why don't you believe everything I say without saying anything back at all?" But I guess she can't just advocate for herself, she has to bitch at me. So I shou[t] "you're going to have to shut your mouth if you keep using that phrase." Anyway she goes off and does something in the bathroom and comes back and says "I'm going to take you home," and I say "I feel the same way, but I'm not riding with you." And at those final words I storm out, slam the door, and walk 4 miles home at 1:30AM.
That's got nothing to do with her friend, that's disrespecting her.
On September 20 2011 07:17 Ancestral wrote: She doesn't know yet that I didn't care. It was like a 30 second ordeal which is what sucks the most. She walked off for a while, came back and said "I'm mad about what you said about my friend, I'm taking you home."
Slow down: that's not what you said the first time.
On September 19 2011 10:04 Ancestral wrote: Also, at some point in the 20 minutes I was at her apartment, she invoked the all-to-common "you always think you're right," which I've told her before offends me and she should say what she actually means instead of that phrase, which really means "why don't you believe everything I say without saying anything back at all?" But I guess she can't just advocate for herself, she has to bitch at me. So I shou[t] "you're going to have to shut your mouth if you keep using that phrase." Anyway she goes off and does something in the bathroom and comes back and says "I'm going to take you home," and I say "I feel the same way, but I'm not riding with you." And at those final words I storm out, slam the door, and walk 4 miles home at 1:30AM.
That's got nothing to do with her friend, that's disrespecting her.
Yeah you're right that that doesn't have to do with her friend. And yes, I did not make a perfect replica of the story in text. That's hard to do.
But the "shut your mouth" thing was not even mentioned by her. That's an annoying part to me. I said that, which I think was the most inflammatory thing, but then she says "you can't talk about my friend like that," and "like that" means saying "your friend mocked me I didn't like that." And yeah the reason she gave for wanting me out may not be the real reason. But I reiterate, I was NOT going to ride home with my gf when she was kicking me out, ostensibly for something so silly. Silly of me as well? Definitely. Hence the thread.
Notice, everyone (not necessarily you, qrs), I'm not saying "here's my story, now how do I justify to myself that I was right?"
Edit: Despite reasonable responses by qrs and TabyLing, I still want this clooosed. I suppose I should PM a mod too. I should have anticipated the level of public ridicule since I opened myself up for it, but this is a real life problem and it's not good for my mental health or the world to have people writing responses that are nothing but insults.
On September 20 2011 07:30 Ancestral wrote: But I reiterate, I was NOT going to ride home with my gf when she was kicking me out
I probably would have done the same thing as you at that point. It's just too bad that it got to there.
Notice, everyone (not necessarily you, qrs), I'm not saying "here's my story, now how do I justify to myself that I was right?"
You're not saying that, and you might not be asking for it from us, either, but, sure, you're justifying to yourself that you were at least mostly in the right, or that even if you were partly in the wrong it was excusable. That's natural: we all do that for ourselves. We're excellent at that.
That's why, even though I don't fully agree with your assessment of how you came off, I'm not going to lecture you about it--you're not asking for that, and there wouldn't be much point. Instead, I'll tell you the opposite--and this is something that actually works for me occasionally, when I can keep it in mind: Just like you can always see your actions in a reasonable light, the other person can always see his or her actions that way too. A lot of the problems between people really do arise from misunderstandings and nothing more: if we could see everyone else the way that they see themselves, these things wouldn't happen.
If you keep that sort of thing in mind, it can be easier to see a person's point of view. And if you can see a person's point of view, it's easier for them to see yours as well. And then you can smooth things over.
IOW, don't think about the ways that she was wrong, think about how you were wrong from her POV. That doesn't mean admitting that you were wrong, it just means understanding why she felt the way she did. It's easy for you to see your side; you don't need to work on that. If you can see her side too, that doesn't mean you're being a "pussy" or something. It just means you have a broader perspective than you did. As a bonus, making up becomes easier too.
I hope that makes sense. It's definitely not as easy to do as I make it sound, but I think it's worth doing, in arguments in general, not just bf/gf. Remember that people are not that different from each other and we all think that we're generally reasonable. The corollary is that if the other guy's side looks completely unreasonable, then you haven't managed to see it. Then just try, not to agree with it, but to see it.
Notice, everyone (not necessarily you, qrs), I'm not saying "here's my story, now how do I justify to myself that I was right?"
You're not saying that, and you might not be asking for it from us, either, but, sure, you're justifying to yourself that you were at least mostly in the right, or that even if you were partly in the wrong it was excusable. That's natural: we all do that for ourselves. We're excellent at that.
That's why, even though I don't fully agree with your assessment of how you came off, I'm not going to lecture you about it--you're not asking for that, and there wouldn't be much point. Instead, I'll tell you the opposite--and this is something that actually works for me occasionally, when I can keep it in mind: Just like you can always see your actions in a reasonable light, the other person can always see his or her actions that way too. A lot of the problems between people really do arise from misunderstandings and nothing more: if we could see everyone else the way that they see themselves, these things wouldn't happen.
If you keep that sort of thing in mind, it can be easier to see a person's point of view. And if you can see a person's point of view, it's easier for them to see yours as well. And then you can smooth things over.
IOW, don't think about the ways that she was wrong, think about how you were wrong from her POV. That doesn't mean admitting that you were wrong, it just means understanding why she felt the way she did. It's easy for you to see your side; you don't need to work on that. If you can see her side too, that doesn't mean you're being a "pussy" or something. It just means you have a broader perspective than you did. As a bonus, making up becomes easier too.
I hope that makes sense. It's definitely not as easy to do as I make it sound, but I think it's worth doing, in arguments in general, not just bf/gf. Remember that people are not that different from each other and all of us have similar brains and needs and feelings. The corollary is that if their side looks completely unreasonable, then you haven't managed to see it. Then just try, not to agree with it, but to see it.
[/QUOTE] I 100% agree. And while we haven't gotten to serious discussion yet, it's pending. I don't want to rub anything in her face. Just understand eachother. But part of understanding is understanding why the other one is mad. And I'll do that, but I also hope she does that or else it's a wash anyway and she's not who I thought she was.
But I'm more optimistic than that. Thanks for being utterly reasonable.
On September 20 2011 07:12 TabyLing wrote: Maybe I chose the wrong choice of words... You have stated here that you don't really care much about why she got upset and that if you call her you are only going to apologise for the friend thing. Just understand her point of view and let her understand yours, your not caring and saying its not a problem because you understood where it was coming from, and passing off the fact that she cared about it, are where you make it look like you are all about being right and why she is so in the wrong.
Sometimes arguments and relationships aren't about who is the more right one, who gets the last word in, and who can hold out the longest in not speaking to eachother competitions. Sometimes you have to give a little, let go of your self righteousness and care about something that is obviously a problem. Care about it and explain your view, understand what the other person is saying and understand how maybe you can change. They might need to change a bit aswell, after all its both of you in the relationship togeather. It's great when you can push eachother to achieve your goals and change to be better people. Although I would think the biggest thing she is annoyed about is that you really didn't care about how you made her unhappy, and they you further show you don't care by not speaking to her and missing her big event. I'm not trying to attack you, but you really need to take a step back and look at your attitude, because it really does come off as childish, self involved, and "I'm always right". Some would argue this isn't the best attitude to have.
She doesn't know yet that I didn't care. It was like a 30 second ordeal which is what sucks the most. She walked off for a while, came back and said "I'm mad about what you said about my friend, I'm taking you home."
I could have said "I was NOT that serious, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shit-talk your ugly goblin friend. I'm just in a bad mood blah blah blah." Maybe make it sound a little nicer. I DO care about upsetting her, and I'll apologize about the friend comment because I'm not strongly committed to my position. I'll admit I was DEFINITELY not in the right, but I mistakenly thought it was incidental and she wouldn't care.
I don't think I was right about complaining about her friend. But I don't think she was right about breaking instantly because of it. My opinion is that no one was right, but it's up to me to fix it if I want to. Believe it or not, I think I'm less proud than she is. I accept that I made mistakes, and she probably will eventually, but not right now. And we've talked since I started this blog and I certainly didn't mention I felt she was wrong too. But I will eventually. In a civil manner. And then she'll relent and stay quiet about it next time and apologize.
You don't have to always outright say "I don't care" for the other person to know you don't care, sometimes just passing it off quickly and saying well look at X IM UPSET ABOUT X, and wanting them to care about that, when you havn't really given much time to their complaint. Maybe you did explain that your comment between you and your DJ friend was nothing but a joke, but maybe you didn't really show that you understood her side, which i kinda think you didn't, and maybe she felt a bit silly about it too and didn't really know how to word it properly. I think she was upset because she wanted to be seen as cool and awesome by your friends, and your comment made her feel like you portrayed her as the annoying gf that makes him go home, when you could have said many reasons why you were leaving. She spoke to you about having a problem with this. Now I really don't know how the conversation went down, but I do think you must have shown a lack of care or understanding about why she was upset and had a problem with what you said. That can be hurtful and annoying, and then it can be even more annoying when you then bring something up that is trying to turn everything around to how you have been wronged and wanting her to care about that, when you havn't shown her the amount of care she wanted about her problem. Anyway thats just my assumption of how she might feel. It's very good you have spoken to eachother, and no she wasn't in the right any more than you were... I think its kinda rare for 1 person to be completely innocent and right in an argument, and its good that you can see you were wrong. I'm think she probably just wants you to say "I'm sorry for the argument the other night, I understand why you got upset about the DJ thing now, for me it was just a joke and didn't make you look bad at all" although I am thinking that by you guys already having spoken that you are pretty over it now. Although it seems there are still a couple of unresolved negative emotions.
For future arguments though, you would be surprised how much someone just wants you to understand their side, even if it is a little silly, get how you upset them and be sorry about it, explain your side and how you see things too. If they won't give you the same understanding about why you did things the way you did them, and why you got upset. Then that is a big problem in the partnership. If your both not understanding eachother that is an even bigger problem, and ofc if you arent giving any understanding that is a problem too.
On September 20 2011 07:12 TabyLing wrote: Maybe I chose the wrong choice of words... You have stated here that you don't really care much about why she got upset and that if you call her you are only going to apologise for the friend thing. Just understand her point of view and let her understand yours, your not caring and saying its not a problem because you understood where it was coming from, and passing off the fact that she cared about it, are where you make it look like you are all about being right and why she is so in the wrong.
Sometimes arguments and relationships aren't about who is the more right one, who gets the last word in, and who can hold out the longest in not speaking to eachother competitions. Sometimes you have to give a little, let go of your self righteousness and care about something that is obviously a problem. Care about it and explain your view, understand what the other person is saying and understand how maybe you can change. They might need to change a bit aswell, after all its both of you in the relationship togeather. It's great when you can push eachother to achieve your goals and change to be better people. Although I would think the biggest thing she is annoyed about is that you really didn't care about how you made her unhappy, and they you further show you don't care by not speaking to her and missing her big event. I'm not trying to attack you, but you really need to take a step back and look at your attitude, because it really does come off as childish, self involved, and "I'm always right". Some would argue this isn't the best attitude to have.
She doesn't know yet that I didn't care. It was like a 30 second ordeal which is what sucks the most. She walked off for a while, came back and said "I'm mad about what you said about my friend, I'm taking you home."
I could have said "I was NOT that serious, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shit-talk your ugly goblin friend. I'm just in a bad mood blah blah blah." Maybe make it sound a little nicer. I DO care about upsetting her, and I'll apologize about the friend comment because I'm not strongly committed to my position. I'll admit I was DEFINITELY not in the right, but I mistakenly thought it was incidental and she wouldn't care.
I don't think I was right about complaining about her friend. But I don't think she was right about breaking instantly because of it. My opinion is that no one was right, but it's up to me to fix it if I want to. Believe it or not, I think I'm less proud than she is. I accept that I made mistakes, and she probably will eventually, but not right now. And we've talked since I started this blog and I certainly didn't mention I felt she was wrong too. But I will eventually. In a civil manner. And then she'll relent and stay quiet about it next time and apologize.
You don't have to always outright say "I don't care" for the other person to know you don't care, sometimes just passing it off quickly and saying well look at X IM UPSET ABOUT X, and wanting them to care about that, when you havn't really given much time to their complaint. Maybe you did explain that your comment between you and your DJ friend was nothing but a joke, but maybe you didn't really show that you understood her side, which i kinda think you didn't, and maybe she felt a bit silly about it too and didn't really know how to word it properly. I think she was upset because she wanted to be seen as cool and awesome by your friends, and your comment made her feel like you portrayed her as the annoying gf that makes him go home, when you could have said many reasons why you were leaving. She spoke to you about having a problem with this. Now I really don't know how the conversation went down, but I do think you must have shown a lack of care or understanding about why she was upset and had a problem with what you said. That can be hurtful and annoying, and then it can be even more annoying when you then bring something up that is trying to turn everything around to how you have been wronged and wanting her to care about that, when you havn't shown her the amount of care she wanted about her problem. Anyway thats just my assumption of how she might feel. It's very good you have spoken to eachother, and no she wasn't in the right any more than you were... I think its kinda rare for 1 person to be completely innocent and right in an argument, and its good that you can see you were wrong. I'm think she probably just wants you to say "I'm sorry for the argument the other night, I understand why you got upset about the DJ thing now, for me it was just a joke and didn't make you look bad at all" although I am thinking that by you guys already having spoken that you are pretty over it now. Although it seems there are still a couple of unresolved negative emotions.
For future arguments though, you would be surprised how much someone just wants you to understand their side, even if it is a little silly, get how you upset them and be sorry about it, explain your side and how you see things too. If they won't give you the same understanding about why you did things the way you did them, and why you got upset. Then that is a big problem in the partnership. If your both not understanding eachother that is an even bigger problem, and ofc if you arent giving any understanding that is a problem too.
Good advice as well. Thanks. I should acknowledge, and perhaps empathize. What if her friends said "let's go somewhere else this is lame" and she said in front of me "nope, I'm staying to watch this lame event my BF is part of." I'll keep it in mind.
edit: It took me a while to write all that, so I didn't see any of the posts between this one and the one that it quotes. In case I seem to be repeating things that have been said above, that's why.
On September 20 2011 07:52 Ancestral wrote: I 100% agree. And while we haven't gotten to serious discussion yet, it's pending. I don't want to rub anything in her face. Just understand each other. But part of understanding is understanding why the other one is mad. And I'll do that, but I also hope she does that or else it's a wash anyway and she's not who I thought she was.
Maybe...but that's exactly what makes these things so much trickier to do in real life than to talk about in the abstract. Obviously, it's true what you say that hopefully she'll try to understand you just as you try to understand her, and that if she doesn't, your relationship will probably run into problems. But you can't be thinking about that while you try to understand her, because then it can end up feeling to her like, "Look how reasonably I'm trying to understand you, dear. Now, can't you do the same thing for me?" It feels like you're only trying to see her side as a way of making her see your side. That just doesn't work.
I can tell you this because I've been on the wrong side of it many times. Honestly, I think men are a little different from women. They deal with emotions from a more rationalistic perspective. Men usually want to talk things out, have each side explain itself to the other. Women think that if you can't understand something without it being explained, then you don't really understand it. I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong here, but it's futile to try to force one to do things like the other. So, for instance, saying something like, "I see your side of it. Can you see mine, though?", utterly reasonable as it sounds, is not a good thing to say to a woman. Again, I can tell you that because I've tried saying it. It doesn't work.
It might sound like I'm advising you to swallow your pride and be the first and maybe the only one to try to understand the other and to apologize. Really, though, you don't have to sacrifice pride at all, and more than that--you shouldn't. In other words, don't think to yourself, "I'm going to be the bigger person and overcome my pride, even if it means I'm the first to apologize." If you think that way, you might win a temporary victory or two, but pride will win in the end. The more you "overcome" pride, the more it will make you resent her for always making you be the one to have to do that, while she takes it for granted that she must be right, because you apologized. Once you start thinking that way, you've really lost the battle to pride, whatever it might look like on the outside, and you'll lose the relationship too.
Instead, the better way to do it, I think, is to make yourself realize that "being the bigger man" doesn't mean you lose something. All it means is you gain something, that thing being extra perspective. Don't say to yourself, "I'm going to apologize to her", just say, "I'm going to understand her better." At that point you don't have to worry anymore, "But what if she won't do the same for me?" What if she won't? You've lost nothing by understanding something a little better that you didn't before. You've sacrificed nothing either. You've only gained something.
So don't start talking to her with the approach, "Listen, I've thought about the other night, and I realize that some things I did were wrong, and other things I did looked wrong to you, and I'm sorry for those things," because as reasonable as that might sound, it means you're making her a concession, and you won't be able to help but see it as a kind of loan in advance of her making similar concessions to you. Instead, I think, your approach should be more like, "I've been thinking about the other night and trying to understand what it felt like for you, and I think I understand a little better than I did at the time," and then discuss it with her and get her to help flesh out her side of things and try to understand it. If she wants to know why it makes a difference to you what her side is, just tell her the truth, which is that you care about her, and it matters to you to understand her point of view. It may sound like it amounts to almost the same thing as apologizing, but it's a different mentality--you're not sacrificing something to her, so you won't need her quid pro quo, so you can be totally sincere about wanting to understand, and she'll pick up on that.
The rest happens by magic: if you really understand someone, you can't stay mad at them. I promise. The proof, if you need it, is that you can never stay mad at yourself. And if you realize--I mean really see it--that what seemed like no big deal from your perspective seemed like a very big deal from someone else's perspective, then you might find yourself apologizing after all, but it won't be a big deal to you, because if you had really understood how a small thing to you was a bigger thing to them, you wouldn't have done it in the first place--that's simple math. So it's not much different apologizing to someone for stepping on their toe. And also, if you really try to understand someone, they will try to understand you too. That's true for enemies--all the more so for someone who loves you.
Well that was long. And also utterly reasonable. I haven't been taking the time in my posts to mention everything that's important because I've become disgruntled about this thread. But the whole "if you can't understand things without my saying them" is right on. I definitely agree with you there. So does modern psychology. Men and women think differently and use language differently.
That's why I'm saying that, not in the abstract but in concrete terms, that I'm just going to say I'm sorry (which needs to be said, even though I'll emphasize that I've tried to put myself in her shoes), mention things I'm sorry about because that will prove to her I thought it through. And after that I'll play it by ear and react according to what she says. Obviously I can't go in there with a list or a plan, as I've mentioned, and start "alright dear, let me list off everything important in this argument from either side and then you may react." AS awesome as that would be.
Empathy is important and I agree that it will work itself out if we're capable of dealing with each other and it will slowly become obvious if we aren't.
Tell her that you understand where she was coming from, and you're sorry (about whatever issue you were in the wrong with). The beauty of this is that whatever the issue is, the line works. but let her know that she should understand where you were coming from and how you felt. I've had fights with my gf and whenever i use this line, she stops, think logically, goes in the bathroom for like 2-3 mins, and then comes back out and we're good. Advice for the future, i'm the type that doesn't like to get into arguments because girls are quite unreasonable (I'm sure most guys agree with me), so if i know something is going to lead into an argument, i wouldn't be a bitch and apologize UNLESS I KNOW I'M WRONG, but i just resolve the first issue so it doesn't lead to more stupid issues to argue over. you're probably a young guy, but trust me it's better to resolve the first issue than to deal with more dumb shit that will drag on and turn something trivial to a lot more trivial things. I also believe that arguments are good for couples, but meaningful arguments that help build your relationship not meaningless ones (like yours, sorry but it's true, this should have easily been resolved when you went to her Apartment). If you really think you can build a relationship with her, you should not give up and find a way to resolve this like a man should. Women, from my experiences, want men to take charge and resolve shit. Hope my advice helped, good luck
Oh yea, if you guys are still ignoring each other, you HAVE TO BE THE ONE to call her, she will not. (This goes back to... women are usually unreasonable). Just tell ask her in a mature tone if you guys can talk. You're younger than her, but it is in your best interest to show and prove that your maturity level is even or higher than hers, it will benefit you. As you said, you guys have been dating for a few months, you're still in her "probation period", so give her the notation that you are mature. It is important that your woman thinks you're mature, not on everything, but the important things. Again, good luck
From your responses to this thread, I can just say that, indeed, you are a total douchebag. Every time someone brought up something you don't like, your automatic response was STFU I'M COOL, I GOT SWAG YOU ARE PATHETIC. And yeah, that was pretty much your reaction to the joke about wearing sunglasses indoor.
On September 20 2011 06:35 Ancestral wrote: There were several pages of people offering criticism and advice. This and the last one weren't, they were people flaunting their moral superiority, saying "yeah you fucked up," which I've been quick to acknowledge. Several of you, however, have been very helpful and I appreciate it.
I don't know if mods close blogs but close this one if you can! Thanks.
I feel like it's common knowledge that if you are in the wrong you should apologize. And when people say they think you are in the wrong, maybe they are infering that you should apologize..
Use your head kid.
Honestly, you got upset over something super trivial. Someone made one minor joke about the sunglasses, suck it up, laugh it off. It was actually pretty funny, and I am sure that in no way she was "attacking" you. I can't believe you are willing to start a fight over something as ridiculous as you not being able to take a joke..
And like prior poster, waiting for a "STFU I AM GOD" reply lolololol
On September 20 2011 06:35 Ancestral wrote: There were several pages of people offering criticism and advice. This and the last one weren't, they were people flaunting their moral superiority, saying "yeah you fucked up," which I've been quick to acknowledge. Several of you, however, have been very helpful and I appreciate it.
I don't know if mods close blogs but close this one if you can! Thanks.
I feel like it's common knowledge that if you are in the wrong you should apologize. And when people say they think you are in the wrong, maybe they are infering that you should apologize..
Use your head kid.
Honestly, you got upset over something super trivial. Someone made one minor joke about the sunglasses, suck it up, laugh it off. It was actually pretty funny, and I am sure that in no way she was "attacking" you. I can't believe you are willing to start a fight over something as ridiculous as you not being able to take a joke..
And like prior poster, waiting for a "STFU I AM GOD" reply lolololol
The guy above you = idiot. You, less so, since you at least addressed the topic, rather than just asserting someone you don't know on the internet is a loser. But I didn't start the fight with her. Please be advised to read the thread. This is a PSA at this point, because I want people to understand they should understand a situation before chiming in.
On September 20 2011 12:26 DEN1ED wrote: Someone made a joke about you wearing sunglasses inside and you get upset? Lol, just relax. Did she hurt your feelings?
On September 19 2011 11:02 Fatal Fury wrote: You're a pussy and you've got no game.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
Do you do life coaching? I'd like to subscribe to 10 hrs minimum.
On September 19 2011 11:02 Fatal Fury wrote: You're a pussy and you've got no game.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
Do you do life coaching? I'd like to subscribe to 10 hrs minimum.
Unfortunately my in-field services currently do not extend to the Zimbabwean aisles. Flick me a PM with your e-mail address and I'll be happy to send you some reading material.
On September 19 2011 11:02 Fatal Fury wrote: You're a pussy and you've got no game.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
Do you do life coaching? I'd like to subscribe to 10 hrs minimum.
Unfortunately my in-field services currently do not extend to the Zimbabwean aisles. Flick me a PM with your e-mail address and I'll be happy to send you some reading material.
...This story really disturbed me. Do people seriously think it's a big deal to yell at your gf for being stupid? Or think that she won't have sex with you afterwards?
On September 19 2011 11:02 Fatal Fury wrote: You're a pussy and you've got no game.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
Do you do life coaching? I'd like to subscribe to 10 hrs minimum.
Unfortunately my in-field services currently do not extend to the Zimbabwean aisles. Flick me a PM with your e-mail address and I'll be happy to send you some reading material.
...This story really disturbed me. Do people seriously think it's a big deal to yell at your gf for being stupid? Or think that she won't have sex with you afterwards?
Post us a picture of your girlfriend and we'll let her hotness be the deciding factor. Any woman who is an eight or above needs the emotional drama in her life, otherwise she'll just dump your boring ass for a man who truly gets it.
Would You Intervene To Help A Woman Getting Abused By A Lover?
“Zeets, don’t bother.”
“I’m not going to sit here and watch this.”
Zeets and I had been enjoying an evening of camaraderie drinking beers on the trunk of his car in the parking lot. According to Fodor’s, this particular parking lot was a popular destination for camaraderie and drinking; well, it was for us, until that evening.
A man and woman were arguing vociferously about a hundred feet off. They looked exasperated with each other. Lots of aggressive hand motions punctuated their heated row. His voice quickly got angrier and he grabbed her forearm with great flourish while berating her.
fuck you, cunt! you’re a fuckin worthless whore! you just follow your pussy! maybe you should suck that guy’s dick.
Then the slap. Right across her cheek, bullseye. I used to think that face slaps in the movies were way too loud; that the soundman was having fun exaggerating the effect for the audience’s shock and awe. But this real life slap echoed throughout the empty parking lot like a crack of lightning. I put my hand to my face in ghost sympathy.
Zeets is normally a guy who takes amusement in the foolishness of humanity. His philosophy (well, one of his quite frequently contradictory philosophies) is “I don’t care what people do to each other as long as I can sit back and ridicule them for it.”
He wasn’t laughing this time. This got me worried. He stood and put down his beer bottle.
“Dude, do NOT get involved with this. Trust me, it’s pointless.”
“Get my back in case there’s trouble.”
Oh boy. No time to talk him out of it. He was dead set on white knighting.
I watched as he marched purposefully toward the fighting couple. A few words were exchanged.
what’s your deal, motherfucker? “Leave the girl alone. Cowards hit girls.” why don’t you mind your own business and go fuck yourself.
Zeets got in his face. “You’re a fucking loser taking it out on a girl. I’m not leaving.”
The girl was crying and stamping her feet. The loser took a step back from Zeets and shoved a hand into his back pocket. A split second later a metal object glinted from the lamppost light as it slashed a downward arc through the air. Zeets’ hand went reflexively up to his face.
I ran to them, my veins pumping with delirium. The girl screamed and the guy jumped in his car and peeled off. Blood seeped between the fingers Zeets had pressed against his left cheek.
“Jesus, man, are you OK?!” “I’m fine.” He looked at the girl. “Are you OK?” She had hysteria in her eyes. “Why did you do that?” “Huh?” “You shouldn’t have come over! This wasn’t your business!” I spit at her “That’s the thanks my buddy gets? Go fuck off! Your loser boyfriend is going to jail.”
At the periphery of the parking lot I saw Knife-Guy’s car idling. He had driven around and stopped there. She turned and ran toward it and got in. They drove away.
Zeets stared blankly at the nothingness in front of him.
“Hey, man, I’m taking you to the hospital.”
We drove in stony silence. Bleeding face wound or not, Zeets finds it hard to keep his yap shut for more than five minutes, so this was extraordinary. A little too extraordinary for comfort.
“I guess you were right.”
“Hey, look, you did the right thing. She was fucked in the head. Don’t let it get to you.”
“Sure, whatever.”
I wanted to believe my own words, but I couldn’t.
Many police report filings and stitches later, we mused about that night.
“I’m disappointed.” Zeets did not look disappointed.
“Why?”
“The cut was not deep enough for me to impress the ladies with a cool scar.”
I sympathized. “Perhaps you can impress them with the story instead.”
On September 20 2011 12:26 DEN1ED wrote: Someone made a joke about you wearing sunglasses inside and you get upset? Lol, just relax. Did she hurt your feelings?
No, that's not what happened.
That is what happened. You could have just let everything blow over but you made it into a big deal by getting upset over her friends remark.
You aren't in elementary school anymore, learn to take some teasing.
The rest of this is hardly an issue. Omg women are irrational? What big news.. But by acting like a douche about that one thing, you've given her a REAL reason to be upset
On September 19 2011 11:02 Fatal Fury wrote: You're a pussy and you've got no game.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
Do you do life coaching? I'd like to subscribe to 10 hrs minimum.
Unfortunately my in-field services currently do not extend to the Zimbabwean aisles. Flick me a PM with your e-mail address and I'll be happy to send you some reading material.
...This story really disturbed me. Do people seriously think it's a big deal to yell at your gf for being stupid? Or think that she won't have sex with you afterwards?
Post us a picture of your girlfriend and we'll let her hotness be the deciding factor. Any woman who is an eight or above needs the emotional drama in her life, otherwise she'll just dump your boring ass for a man who truly gets it.
User was banned for this post.
Erm, I think you misunderstood my post. Then you went way OTT with trying to prove your point. Which is ironic, because I wasn't even disagreeing with you. My point is that drama happens and it's not a big deal.
In fact, it's so common they came up with a term for it: ie. makeup sex. That's why I'm confused as to why you'd write some melodramatic story about a spat in the living room and think it would have a big impact. It's like writing a super suspenseful story about eating cereal in the morning then ending it on a punchline about how milk is best served cold.
To Ancestral: You know, the first thing I went back to check after finishing your blog is the line about how long you guys have been dating. It said 2 months.
I would not expect a girl to side with me over her friends after only 2 months of dating. Especially on something as nonsensical as you wearing glasses at night.
The girl, right now, is probably telling herself that you're a sweet guy and you had some good times but if you're so nutty as to stop talking to her over sunglasses then she's dodging a big bullet by not talking to you anymore.
And you basically offended her in exactly the same ways she offended you. Her friend made fun of your glasses and kind of made you out to be a stereotype. You gave your friends an excuse to leave which made your gf seem like a stereotype. You're super pissed off at what her friend did, but can't understand why she would be mad.
In general, you just seem very hypocritical, not understanding, and immature in how you handled this situation. I'm with the vast majority of respondents. You're in the wrong here. By a large margin.
On September 19 2011 11:02 Fatal Fury wrote: You're a pussy and you've got no game.
Back in the day I lived in a group house with three other guys. It was a great time. As men, we really sharpened our joshing in this environment. I mastered the art of the cutting retort.
One of the guys, a physically imposing 6’7″ laid back dude, had a hot girlfriend - let’s call her Kay - with a great personality. She was every guy’s dream girlfriend. One night, all of us were sitting around in the living room splayed across dirty couches watching TV when Kay started gossiping about inconsequential private matters involving her boyfriend and his family. She meant no harm by it, and we weren’t really paying attention, but he obviously didn’t like the idea of her revealing personal details from his life. Out of the blue, he thundered: "SHUT THE FUCK UP KAY!"
The room fell silent. Kay blushed a bright crimson and sat immobile, looking at him submissively from under her lowered eyes. She didn’t protest or attempt to defend herself. I think all she said was: "OK alright," in a mousy half-exasperated, half-apologetic voice. After what seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds, one of us broke the tension by changing the subject to something stupid on TV.
Later that night, I was awoken by a steady thumping noise coming through the walls. It was loud enough to rouse me to investigate. I walked closer to the source of the thump on the other side of the house (this was a very large house) which was reverberating from one of the bedrooms. It sounded like a heavy appliance being dropped. As I neared the bedroom door I heard the unmistakeable grunts, moaning, and shrieks of delight of lovemaking. Mr Shut The Fuck Up was fucking his girlfriend so hard that the bed frame was lifting off the floor. His thrusting tempo was precise - you could have practiced piano to the metronomic beat of the thumping.
There are a few impressionable moments in a young man’s life that opens his eyes to the true nature of women. This was one of them.
Do you do life coaching? I'd like to subscribe to 10 hrs minimum.
Unfortunately my in-field services currently do not extend to the Zimbabwean aisles. Flick me a PM with your e-mail address and I'll be happy to send you some reading material.
...This story really disturbed me. Do people seriously think it's a big deal to yell at your gf for being stupid? Or think that she won't have sex with you afterwards?
Those are the reasons that story disturbed you? Wow.
On September 19 2011 10:04 Ancestral wrote: If I call her, or apologize, I'll be compromising my integrity and she might be pissy anyway. If I call her and say she has to apologize, I have no idea what will happen but it probably won't be good. If I do nothing (always the best advice I think, but it's hard to maintain) then who knows when she'll decide to contact me, and maybe she'll be offended I didn't try to reconcile.
As a preface, I've skimmed all 8 pages of responses. Hopefully what I'm going to write has been said at some point. I'm also assuming you haven't contacted her yet. I'll explain below, but by the time I post this I really hope you have...
First of all, the relationship between you two must be pretty good if you're both upset by an argument over a comment to a friend. This is pretty trivial and should be talked out when both of your heads cool. It wasn't the greatest of situations, either. You were upset for hours at the sound quality and she was upset by your comment. The fact you argued the point by commenting on her friends only made it worse. Agreeing with it or not, you put her in a "your friends or me" crossroads and I don't know anyone who would appreciate that. Your responses in this thread clearly depict you as an emotional guy and when you have strong feelings for someone a negative side-effect is passionate arguing. Fights happen; we move on.
Your OP seemed to have everything together until I read the quoted section above. You seem to have this image of what you are in the relationship and somehow calling her or apologizing violates that image. I highly doubt she's going to come to you saying she was wrong, let's get past this, and put the ball in your court. You're going to need to go to her. Strategies based on calling her/not calling her is playing a stupid game and not staying true to the way you feel. Cut the crap and be a man - take control and solve the problem!
Face to face is probably the best. If it were me I'd just show up at her place, say something like "I don't like being mad at you, can we talk?" (this is sincere since it clearly bugs you), and when you get inside ask her how she's been, sit or stand on level ground, and say something that gets the ball rolling like "wow, we haven't had a fight like that before, huh?". Get her to talk about what feelings you hurt (unintentionally or not) and essentially let her vent. The most important part is to LET HER TALK WITHOUT INTERRUPTION. If you start throwing in your two cents every couple sentences you'll go right back to fighting. I don't care if you think what's coming out of her mouth is a torrent of crazy - let her get it off her chest.
Then will come the time for you to speak. You can talk about what upset you and how you think what you did wasn't a big deal. Nevertheless, show that you're going to make the effort for her. You need to say something like "I didn't think you'd be so upset by my comment, I'll try to be more mindful in the future. I meant it as a joke, but I'm sorry it upset you". From that point it's smooth sailing to catching up, feeling great for resolving an issue, makeup sex, etc. Of course she may have just expected you to come to her sooner, decide you're not worth the effort, and dump you. Only thing I can say for certain is that if you keep ignoring her it probably won't work out in your favor.
Call her and say you're sorry, fuck the shit out of her, and then in a year when you have to break up so you can go to your new school just do it, and you'll be happy.
EPT
slap her hard on the ass* *her reaction is your next indicator*..
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