On September 05 2011 15:22 arb wrote: You should just kick his ass and establish dominance.
He sounds like a real douchebag
Everytime i read these kind of blogs, this is what comes to my mind first.
Seriously this guy sounds like a fucking douchebag who thinks he is the king, sets the rules and doesn't give a shit about others or even need to care.
Try to talk some sense to him and see if that helps. Have you talked/asked the other guy what he thinks about this guy? Has he been a douche to him too?
For some people it's just too hard to live with others it seems. Sad you got such a 'bad' room.
Sounds like you're being a whiney little pussy. You complain about getting cockblocked, then go on to cockblock your roomate back.
The water thing is ridiculous. who needs 7 bottles of water? I didn't realise whales have started blogging. You probably did a good thing, giving drunk people a refreshing bottle of water, maybe even prevented a mess in your room!
I love how everyone is talking about fair as if it's some written rule. Life isn't fair. Try putting yourself at an inconvenience to allow others to enjoy themselves, if they are people you want to keep around, they will do the same thing for you.
Dresser in lounge area, is your own fault. If the fridge was in your room, you would get woken up as well when drunken roomates come home and want something to eat. Seriously, are you fucking daft?
Stealing drinks and crap is not your fault. Tell those people off, and if they continue get revenge. Be creative and have some fun with it.
I've had "outgoing" roommates in the past as well. First impression experts, they tend to out themselves as sociopaths the longer you live together. You know how you looked at the less outgoing-seeming roomie and thought "he's quiet, cool"? Well this type of person looks at the both of you and says "fuck yeah, I can dominate these nerds with my awesome DJ skillz and hawt girlfriend I should establish my power soon".
Don't let it happen. Follow the advice of others above, firmly but respectfully talk with your roommates and lay some ground rules. You might want to talk to the quieter dude first to see if he's getting the same vibe from the other guy that you are (maybe over a beer, not by text or e-mail, would hate for it to get passed around). If this doesn't work, as hard as it might be, you need to assert yourself a bit more.
He's already pegged you as the type who, while complaining a bit, will back down when placed in "awkward" situations. This will only encourage him to make situations awkward often to get his way. Politeness and manners are, sadly, not his first language. He will expect passive-aggressive (feminine/nerd) responses to his "manly" behavior. If this riles The Animal you'd better apply for a transfer.
OK so most people here have addressed the living arrangements issue. I'm going to touch on a further subject.
In every social situation - whether it be humans or other mammals - there is always an alpha and beta.
An alpha gorilla fucks all the female gorillas while the beta gorilla sits by and watches while masturbating. True story.
The only way the beta is ever going to get any sex is to fight the alpha gorilla for it.
If he's such a meathead, then he doesn't deserve her. Show that you don't care what anyone thinks of you. Hit on his girlfriend when she's over to show that you have balls. Disregard anything he says so that you show that you are so above his level you don't even notice his insignificance. Eventually she'll start turning up an hour early and pretend that they arranged to meet at 8pm when really she's just there to fool around with you at 7pm before he gets home at 8pm. Eventually it'll be you two sleeping together and he'll be the bitter and beta loser. Heck, she'll probably end up becoming pregnant to you and he ends up raising the baby. Happens all the time in society.
The only thing you need to be careful about is beta-rage:
The dead man arrived in Auckland as a refugee from Iran in September, 2008, and after one failed attempt, was granted residency. He was also granted a work permit and bought a half share in the Rock Fired Burgers takeaway bar in St Heliers on the Auckland waterfront.
He lived in an apartment in Waterloo Quadrant in inner city Auckland.
The police said Hamid-Zadeh and a woman who has name suppression claimed political asylum when he arrived in New Zealand in September, 2009.
They stayed at the Mangere Refugee Centre where Razani visited them.
However, the woman then moved into Mr Razani's apartment. Mr Razani later invited his killer to also move in but police said Hamid-Zadeh did not know then that the woman was living there.
Mr Razani and the woman returned to the apartment several hours before the killing and had sex before they retired to their separate sleeping areas - Mr Razani to the couch in the lounge and the woman to the bedroom.
Hamid-Zadeh returned soon after 4am and listened to the other two having sex on a recording device he had set up so he could listen to them while he was not there, police said.
He attacked Mr Razani with two knives.
Police said when they arrived two hours later they were met by the woman as she ran to the reception area from the lifts, dripping blood.
"Upon entry to the apartment they were greeted by a scene covered with blood with Mohammad Hamid-Zadeh sitting quietly on the couch where Razani once slept, with an injury to his right hand.
"Police moved into the bedroom where they saw the body of Razani propped up against a heater," said police.
Seriously though, it really sucks to be in your situation and some people don't react to 'logic'. You can try explaining to him how you feel like he is inconveniencing you, but unless he is a Christian it's very unlikely he's been raised with the 'do unto others' values or has any concept of knowing how to put himself in someone else's shoes. That's why you have to play the game on his level. Bully him if you have to (I don't mean physical violence, but psychologically). It's the only language people like him sometimes understand. You have to show that you don't take no shit from anyone. Like a drill instructor. Otherwise he will shit all over you. If he can get away with not offending you while doing one thing, he'll feel the same about something else. Did you ever know the kid at school who you could always rely on to borrow a pen from? Then after that everytime you asked him for a pen, and he didn't want to give you one, you'd be like the fuck? And he'll get scared and be like: "OK, here you go." Don't be the kid with the pen. Be the motherfucker no-one dares to borrow anything off. Because you don't want people to fuck with you anymore.
Yes, we got off on the wrong foot. I appreciate everyone's input so far, thank you for that.
I came back this afternoon to a confrontation. My quiet roomate was sitting on his bed, and the outgoing guy was at his desk. As soon as I came in, the guy asks me, "Do you have anything to say about the situation last night, you know, with my girl?" The attitude was oozing out of him, and I just felt my blood pressure rise right there. I asked him what the hell was he talking about. He said, firstly don't you think you were in the wrong last night wanting to come upstairs? Mind you, I had wanted to come up at first but then didn't want to get into an awkward situation, though as a paying student have ever right to access my bedroom. I told him no, I stayed down there and asked for you to let me know when it was okay to come up. He was apparently really pissed about everything and then began to question why it is that I told him I was going out but came home so early. He said and I quote "You told me you were going out at 5, reasonable people don't say they are going out and come home at 9:30." I told him if I didn't specify what time I was coming home you cannot assume. He ignored that and then interrogated me about why I moved my bed upstairs and told me it didn't "belong" here in the bedroom anyway. I told him I wasn't going to sleep in a kitchen. He had moved my bed today without my knowledge because he said I was hogging the view of the window that he had enjoyed for a week before my moving in. He reiterated how me bed didn't "belong" upstairs in the bedroom. My bed is now right next to his desk... He basically told me I was being selfish and that my quiet roomate was on his side about everything (probably because he is easily manipulatable) and now I feel like I have really bad karma with both of them. He went on to ask why I had to fuck around with my closet and dresser when he had moved his bed downstairs. I had merely turned the kitchen light on and asked to get to my dresser and closet for clothes to go to sleep in, I had no clue he was going to illogically just post up his bed in front of the dresser (which was down there when I moved in and will not fit through the stairs to go up without complete disassembly). He didn't even offer to move the bed so I could get through, instead choosing to maximize his comfort wherever he fucking wanted to by just ignoring me and going back to sleep. He demanded my number so he could tell me when the next time he was having his girl over so I could stay away. I'm sick and fucking tired of this guy. I just got back from an overnight fishing trip to Montauk and want some rest (left 2 am got back 5 pm) but I can't because I'm so angry. Yeah, kind of sucks. We basically didn't resolve shit. I'm planning on talking to my Residence Director right after writing this to ask for my options. I might just go apartment searching and try to petition to cancel housing who knows. I'll keep you all updated. Thanks Mani for the best advice but unfortunately talking to him has just left a more sour taste in my mouth.
On September 06 2011 07:55 j0k3r wrote: Yes, we got off on the wrong foot. I appreciate everyone's input so far, thank you for that.
I came back this afternoon to a confrontation. My quiet roomate was sitting on his bed, and the outgoing guy was at his desk. As soon as I came in, the guy asks me, "Do you have anything to say about the situation last night, you know, with my girl?" The attitude was oozing out of him, and I just felt my blood pressure rise right there. I asked him what the hell was he talking about. He said, firstly don't you think you were in the wrong last night wanting to come upstairs? Mind you, I had wanted to come up at first but then didn't want to get into an awkward situation, though as a paying student have ever right to access my bedroom. I told him no, I stayed down there and asked for you to let me know when it was okay to come up. He was apparently really pissed about everything and then began to question why it is that I told him I was going out but came home so early. He said and I quote "You told me you were going out at 5, reasonable people don't say they are going out and come home at 9:30." I told him if I didn't specify what time I was coming home you cannot assume. He ignored that and then interrogated me about why I moved my bed upstairs and told me it didn't "belong" here in the bedroom anyway. I told him I wasn't going to sleep in a kitchen. He had moved my bed today without my knowledge because he said I was hogging the view of the window that he had enjoyed for a week before my moving in. He reiterated how me bed didn't "belong" upstairs in the bedroom. My bed is now right next to his desk... He basically told me I was being selfish and that my quiet roomate was on his side about everything (probably because he is easily manipulatable) and now I feel like I have really bad karma with both of them. He went on to ask why I had to fuck around with my closet and dresser when he had moved his bed downstairs. I had merely turned the kitchen light on and asked to get to my dresser and closet for clothes to go to sleep in, I had no clue he was going to illogically just post up his bed in front of the dresser (which was down there when I moved in and will not fit through the stairs to go up without complete disassembly). He didn't even offer to move the bed so I could get through, instead choosing to maximize his comfort wherever he fucking wanted to by just ignoring me and going back to sleep. He demanded my number so he could tell me when the next time he was having his girl over so I could stay away. I'm sick and fucking tired of this guy. I just got back from an overnight fishing trip to Montauk and want some rest (left 2 am got back 5 pm) but I can't because I'm so angry. Yeah, kind of sucks. We basically didn't resolve shit. I'm planning on talking to my Residence Director right after writing this to ask for my options. I might just go apartment searching and try to petition to cancel housing who knows. I'll keep you all updated. Thanks Mani for the best advice but unfortunately talking to him has just left a more sour taste in my mouth.
Dude you didn't even try to resolve it :p; you didn't follow Mani's advice at all. From the information you have given, you are overreacting.
On September 06 2011 07:55 j0k3r wrote: Yes, we got off on the wrong foot. I appreciate everyone's input so far, thank you for that.
I came back this afternoon to a confrontation. My quiet roomate was sitting on his bed, and the outgoing guy was at his desk. As soon as I came in, the guy asks me, "Do you have anything to say about the situation last night, you know, with my girl?" The attitude was oozing out of him, and I just felt my blood pressure rise right there. I asked him what the hell was he talking about. He said, firstly don't you think you were in the wrong last night wanting to come upstairs? Mind you, I had wanted to come up at first but then didn't want to get into an awkward situation, though as a paying student have ever right to access my bedroom. I told him no, I stayed down there and asked for you to let me know when it was okay to come up. He was apparently really pissed about everything and then began to question why it is that I told him I was going out but came home so early. He said and I quote "You told me you were going out at 5, reasonable people don't say they are going out and come home at 9:30." I told him if I didn't specify what time I was coming home you cannot assume. He ignored that and then interrogated me about why I moved my bed upstairs and told me it didn't "belong" here in the bedroom anyway. I told him I wasn't going to sleep in a kitchen. He had moved my bed today without my knowledge because he said I was hogging the view of the window that he had enjoyed for a week before my moving in. He reiterated how me bed didn't "belong" upstairs in the bedroom. My bed is now right next to his desk... He basically told me I was being selfish and that my quiet roomate was on his side about everything (probably because he is easily manipulatable) and now I feel like I have really bad karma with both of them. He went on to ask why I had to fuck around with my closet and dresser when he had moved his bed downstairs. I had merely turned the kitchen light on and asked to get to my dresser and closet for clothes to go to sleep in, I had no clue he was going to illogically just post up his bed in front of the dresser (which was down there when I moved in and will not fit through the stairs to go up without complete disassembly). He didn't even offer to move the bed so I could get through, instead choosing to maximize his comfort wherever he fucking wanted to by just ignoring me and going back to sleep. He demanded my number so he could tell me when the next time he was having his girl over so I could stay away. I'm sick and fucking tired of this guy. I just got back from an overnight fishing trip to Montauk and want some rest (left 2 am got back 5 pm) but I can't because I'm so angry. Yeah, kind of sucks. We basically didn't resolve shit. I'm planning on talking to my Residence Director right after writing this to ask for my options. I might just go apartment searching and try to petition to cancel housing who knows. I'll keep you all updated. Thanks Mani for the best advice but unfortunately talking to him has just left a more sour taste in my mouth.
Dude you didn't even try to resolve it :p; you didn't follow Mani's advice at all. From the information you have given, you are overreacting.
Things were really heated. I just talked to my other roommate and he has problems with the guy taking his drinks too. I don't know if I can deal with the aggressive personality. We can establish rules and everything, we did today, but I can't change who he is or how he talks to people, and it's just something I don't want to deal with in the future. I don't like being talked down to, not being allowed to give my point of view, being told where I should be, where my stuff should be, and when I should be somewhere. It's just not how I want to live at all.
Only dickish thing I interpreted here was your second bit, when he said you shouldn't have come back so "early" and then said you shouldn't sleep in the bedroom. The rest of that shit is an overreaction on your part.
On September 05 2011 16:03 EvilTeletubby wrote: This makes me so glad that I will (hopefully) never have roomates (or even rent) again.
In all seriousness, what Mani/Shake said.
So very true. I had roommates in dorms for 2 years and I said never again. Going on 5 years in single apartments and I couldn't go back. I didn't have an annoying experience like the OP because it was always single rooms but 2 or 3 rooms per apartment when I was in the dorms... still felt like I had no privacy.
To be frank, even in a single apartment, I constantly hear my neighbors and vice versa (although I'm about as quiet as possible because I like silence) so it's never optimal, but at least the douchebags live across the hall, not in the same room.
Don't have much advice for you since I've never been in such an annoying situation. Worst I had was a roommate using my toothpaste and the RA using his key to sneak into my room for "pranks" (won't go into details but we didn't get along. He got kicked out of the dorms so I won I guess). But never someone stealing my personal space.
I'm also not really happy with my apartment either this year. Moved from Montreal to Moncton and the owner of the building said there were very few students and it was quiet. Was great for the first 2 weeks of august but then the students started coming in and so far every single night since has been relatively annoying with doors banging left and right from 1-4am and people screaming in the parking lot. I feel a bit better when I read stuff like the OP though and when I remind myself of what it was to live in Montreal (paper thin walls) where I needed earplugs 24/7 to not go insane. So far, I've managed without earplugs but the weekends have been a pain.
I can't wait to have my own house. I will be that crazy old fuck with the shotgun for sure. And I will love it.
On September 06 2011 09:52 DystopiaX wrote: Only dickish thing I interpreted here was your second bit, when he said you shouldn't have come back so "early" and then said you shouldn't sleep in the bedroom. The rest of that shit is an overreaction on your part.
I hope you're kidding? I would've hit that guy so hard if he talked to me like the OP is describing (assuming it's a correct transcription).
On September 06 2011 09:52 DystopiaX wrote: Only dickish thing I interpreted here was your second bit, when he said you shouldn't have come back so "early" and then said you shouldn't sleep in the bedroom. The rest of that shit is an overreaction on your part.
I hope you're kidding? I would've hit that guy so hard if he talked to me like the OP is describing (assuming it's a correct transcription).
Yeah, in the second post I referred to. The first post seemed mostly fine- there's a party and you expect the dude to guard your bottles of water? You expect to be able to get in a room where the dude is clearly having sex? You complain earlier that that used to happen to you? You wake up your roommate to get clothes? All seem kind of unreasonable.
On September 06 2011 09:52 DystopiaX wrote: Only dickish thing I interpreted here was your second bit, when he said you shouldn't have come back so "early" and then said you shouldn't sleep in the bedroom. The rest of that shit is an overreaction on your part.
I hope you're kidding? I would've hit that guy so hard if he talked to me like the OP is describing (assuming it's a correct transcription).
Yeah, in the second post I referred to. The first post seemed mostly fine- there's a party and you expect the dude to guard your bottles of water? You expect to be able to get in a room where the dude is clearly having sex? You complain earlier that that used to happen to you? You wake up your roommate to get clothes? All seem kind of unreasonable.
You steal someone's property? You lock him out of his room? You put your bed in front of your roommate's dresser?
3 guys in one room can work almost seamlessly in my experience, and both of my roommates were the outgoing confident types as well.
It sounds like you are the problem. He fucking moved his bed downstairs so that you could have your room, and you're still complaining about some dresser shit? It sounds like he tried to accomodate you AFTER you tried to cockblock him. Learn to deal bro, it'll help. Maybe ask him if he can bang his chick at her house or set up some ground rules instead of just fucking getting angry.
What's up with the "I payed for my room I should be able to use it" attitude? He payed for the same room, and how would you feel if you were fucking some chick and your roommate goes "yo let me in I wanna use my computer".
Oh, and a Das with blue switches is fucking loud.
tl;dr: make sure he understands you and you understand him, none of this "I thought you knew" bullshit.
We resolved this shit a couple of hours ago. Both just agreed to a fresh start and more communication now that we have numbers. Sorry no more drama folks. I realized from responses you can look at it two ways, I looked at it his way and just decided to drop all of it, no more grudges. Dunno if he sees things my way at all but it doesn't matter, as long as we can be civil, more transparent and communicate like human beings that's all I can ask for. Not gonna feed trolls either.
On September 06 2011 09:52 DystopiaX wrote: Only dickish thing I interpreted here was your second bit, when he said you shouldn't have come back so "early" and then said you shouldn't sleep in the bedroom. The rest of that shit is an overreaction on your part.
I hope you're kidding? I would've hit that guy so hard if he talked to me like the OP is describing (assuming it's a correct transcription).
Yeah, in the second post I referred to. The first post seemed mostly fine- there's a party and you expect the dude to guard your bottles of water? You expect to be able to get in a room where the dude is clearly having sex? You complain earlier that that used to happen to you? You wake up your roommate to get clothes? All seem kind of unreasonable.
You steal someone's property? You lock him out of his room? You put your bed in front of your roommate's dresser?
Pretty easy to put it the other way around too.
Except that way is pretty silly. He's looking at it in context, you're not. You can make anything look ridiculous out of context.
Anyway dunno what to say @OP, the whole thing seems like a misalignment of expectations, nothing a 5 minute chat wouldn't fix. Which apparently it has. Enjoy your year
On September 06 2011 09:52 DystopiaX wrote: Only dickish thing I interpreted here was your second bit, when he said you shouldn't have come back so "early" and then said you shouldn't sleep in the bedroom. The rest of that shit is an overreaction on your part.
I hope you're kidding? I would've hit that guy so hard if he talked to me like the OP is describing (assuming it's a correct transcription).
Yeah, in the second post I referred to. The first post seemed mostly fine- there's a party and you expect the dude to guard your bottles of water? You expect to be able to get in a room where the dude is clearly having sex? You complain earlier that that used to happen to you? You wake up your roommate to get clothes? All seem kind of unreasonable.
You steal someone's property? You lock him out of his room? You put your bed in front of your roommate's dresser?
Pretty easy to put it the other way around too.
Except that way is pretty silly. He's looking at it in context, you're not. You can make anything look ridiculous out of context.
Anyway dunno what to say @OP, the whole thing seems like a misalignment of expectations, nothing a 5 minute chat wouldn't fix. Which apparently it has. Enjoy your year
From the situation, I'd say that it is beyond just a 5-minute chat now. Some people just can't be reasoned with. No matter how hard you try, they just don't seem to think logically. Sucks to meet those people. Good luck with the rooming thing man, hope you at least get transferred or something.
EPT
