|
I just moved in on Friday to my new dorm. I got pretty fucked over with picking rooms and got assigned to a triple person one bedroom suite. It's pretty nice and has two floors, a living room/kitchen and BR downstairs and a spacious bedroom upstairs. Last year as a sophomore I enjoyed a single room and had a pretty good relationship with all my suitemates. I felt a single was a prudent choice considering I had a gf and liked the privacy. Freshman year was all about me getting cockblocked whenever my girlfriend came to visit and creating an awkward situation with my roomate in our shared bedroom. Anyway I don't mind the triple that much, my girlfriend transfered to a school much closer to me and we see each other often so we don't have to get down to it every visit like we used to.
One of my roomates is pretty chill doesn't say much, not bad. The other one has an outgoing personality and seemed really cool when I first met him. I knew at least I wasn't going to be rooming with a psycho or someone like that. So I moved my stuff in on Friday but went home for the weekend to attend a wedding. The outgoing one was planning on having a party on Saturday. No problem I wasn't going to be around anyway. Without really thinking about it I put like 6-7 bottles of water in the fridge to chill them so I could drink them later. When I came back today, they were gone, all the empty bottles laying around the apartment with a lot of other plastic cups.
I missed the other thing. When I got back, the upstairs (bedroom) was dark and I was going to go up there to setup my PC. I hear my outgoing roomate call my name and he said he had his girlfriend up there. So I stopped halfway up the stairs in a pretty awkward situation. Clearly they were fucking and I had walked in. I asked him to let me know when I could come up. All he said is why do you have to come up? And it sounded like he owned the bedroom. I was getting a little pissed and shot back, because my computer and all my shit is up there. He gave me a "fine hold on", but I just told him whatever and left. I didn't feel like going further into an awkward situation and told him to let me know when he'd be done. I replayed all the other times that I had been walked in on with my gf, either by my roomate or hers. Both of us being people who respected others rights to be in the room they paid for, we would just ask for a minute get dressed and go somewhere, not wanting to create more tension or make people pissed they were getting sexiled. I just wouldn't do that to someone.
Later at night he moved the matress from the upper bedroom down to the common area so he could get privacy with his girl, where my dresser and closet is (for some odd reason). Basically my clothes are down there. And the genius just put the mattress smack in front of my closet and dresser, when he couldve moved it around to the apartment somwhere less obstructive. They were asleep, but I had to get some clothes and I wasn't just gonna sleep in the shit I wore so I asked them if I could get to my closet. He just put his cover on his head and I had to maneuver around the mattress awkwardly to get my shit.
I went upstairs and wanted to play a couple of games of SC. I have a DAS with blue switches, it's fairly loud but no one ever complained before. I know it's a little loud so I didn't even spam or warm up. 10 minutes into the match he comes upstairs to tell me it's too loud and asked me to shut my game off for the night. He said something along the lines of I moved my bed downstairs for you already please let me just get some sleep. Like wtf? Moved the mattress for me? Obvious rightious bullshit right there, but I just said fuck it and quit out and switched to my Macbook.
What should I do? This guy and his friends take my drinks without asking, sexile me from the bedroom, moves his bed in front of my closet, and then has the nerve to tell me to stop playing when his bed is DOWNSTAIRS? FYI all the residencies at the university are full, and no one I've contacted wants to do a switch into this location because it's not too close to the rest of campus (nor does anyone want a 3 person bedroom). I can probably put in a request on basis of some irreconcilable differences or something like that, but I just moved all my stuff here and got settled. Thanks for reading I appreciate any advice.
 
|
It sounds like you're fucked and it sounds like you established "rules" without saying anything. It's easy to break expectations when they're not verbalized. Have you verbalized them because from what you wrote, it sounds like you avoided confrontation on several occasions (Macbook switch and leaving without going upstairs).
Confrontation is your friend and make sure to show that you are an equal person. He inconveniences you and you inconvenience him at all?
|
I guess I really cannot assume things that are common sense to me are common sense to other people. Do college age people need to be held by the hand to learn what is the meaning of courtesy and respect? I think I'm learning a cold lesson and forced to reevaluate how I deal with people. The simple fact is that this hasn't happened to be previously so I'm in new grounds. Next time something happens I'm going to say what's on my mind. If ground rules are needed then so be it.
|
Believe it or not, not everyone was raised as mannerly or courteous to you. That's not sarcasm, but a strong likelihood. It's similar to the assumption that everyone knows how precious a dollar is or how hard you have to work for it.
Not all values are inherent or taught.
The easiest way to be disappointed is to assume and expect things from others without considering the fact that they're not always possible or likely. This sounds like some Aaron Beck shit, but anyways...
Confrontation. Gotta do what you gotta do. Good for you being quick to realize or learn :3
|
You should just kick his ass and establish dominance.
He sounds like a real douchebag
|
Agree with arb, should pee on his bed to let him know that it's yours too.
|
Try to talk to him and explain (rationally and calmly) why the stuff he does is inappropriate and discuss possible solutions to avoid this in the future (sectioning off portions of the fridge, telling him that you are definitely not fine with him sharing / eating your food / drinks, discussing plans to alert people whenever possible sex is going down, and giving fair warning so that you are able to get stuff out)
If he's a hardass who doesn't listen to calm and reasonable discussion and for some reason thinks it's ok to not make compromises in a shared living situation, make a big fuss to your RA or your housing dean or whatever and they'll transfer you. Just do not escalate it further with your roommate no matter how wrong you think he is if the discussion thing doesn't work out.
|
Osaka27168 Posts
I prefer the term "a settling" rather than confrontation. It isn't that you want to get into his face about some water. What you want to do is sit him down (with the other guy too), explain how important it is for everyone to get along so you can enjoy your year, and then go over the rules that will help make that good year happen. Who knows, maybe this guy comes from a place where everyone just shared the fridge. Maybe you are doing something that drives him batshit, you don't know until you talk.
Write down what you think is important for co-existence, have him do the same, come to an agreement, and tip a beer together at the end. Put up a list of rules on the fridge. The end.
And, probably in the future, you two will but heads again. But if you have a history of talking it out, rather than one of avoidance and tension, it will be that much easier to solve. If he does it repeatedly, then you have to find a different route.
|
Be firm and understanding of his needs and point of views. He wants to maintain his relationship. (sound familiar to what your relationship was before?)
|
If he doesn't hit you, there's not much you can do.
|
Don't listen to mani. pee on his bed. it's the best way to assert control.
Make sure he's in it too.
With only reading one side of it he sounds like an inconsiderate bastard. Sit him down and talk to him and tell him how it is.
|
Dear Mr. j0k3r, this sounds like a truly tricky situation you have gotten yourself into! But fret not, I have a solution at hand;I think that you should settle this issue through challenging him to a duel by throwing down the gauntlet.
I have looked up the rules for you. Each of you must select a trusted representative who should discuss together an appropriate and neutral place to fight the duel, as well as the weapons with which to be fought. Now, the challenged party can choose whether to fight till first blood, till one party is severely wounded, or till the death. However, given the self-centered nature of your roommate as evidenced from your story, it is likely that he would be afraid of serious injury to himself and choose the first choice. If he refuses the challenge, then he would be dishonoured and his girlfriend would probably leave him, thereby resolving the problem for you.
|
Woo his women and take your place as alpha-male. It's the only way, to ensure this: start wearing his clothes and obtain his scent.
|
Baltimore, USA22259 Posts
This makes me so glad that I will (hopefully) never have roomates (or even rent) again. 
In all seriousness, what Mani/Shake said.
|
On September 05 2011 15:57 Torte de Lini wrote:
Woo his women and take your place as alpha-male. It's the only way, to ensure this: start wearing his clothes and obtain his scent.
You sir, are a scary man. "Obtain his scent." That's some Hannibal shit right there...
On the other hand, it might actually work
Thank the lord almighty that I have awesome housemates. Two girls, one if which is my bedfellow. *Basks in the glow of his brag*
To the OP, you are going to have to lay down the law, or as Torte suggested, just lay down with his girl.
|
On September 05 2011 15:24 Manifesto7 wrote:
Write down what you think is important for co-existence, have him do the same, come to an agreement, and tip a beer together at the end. Put up a list of rules on the fridge. The end.
So diplomatic.
(1) You left liquid in the fridge knowing a party was gonna be there. Your fault. Drunk people do not give a fuck and probably assumed it was their host's.
(2) Your roommate was having quality 1-on-1 time with his lady friend. They are either fucking like rabbits 24/7 or you just caught them at a bad time. Assuming it's the latter, give them some privacy -- your computer can wait. Living with roommates means giving individuals their privacy when they need it. Establish a convention for letting one another know when you have women over. Call your roommates ahead of time to find out if it's ok to bring a girl home.
(3) Play your goddamn video games during the day, or respect peoples' right to sleep. If it were anyone else that complained about the noise, you would have apologized.
tldr: stop your bitching, apologize, and lay down some rules for the future. I'm sure your roommate will reimburse you $5-10 worth of water if you apologize for interrupting him.
|
If you were a sophomore last year, it is time to get the hell out of campus residences. By now you should know how inconvenient they can be. My view on residence is that its best for freshmen who have no clue what the fuck life on their own is like, but other then that it is inferior to off-campus housing by a mile (its a preference of mine backed up by experience).
Not sure how easy it is to find at least a room that's part of a house that you can rent (usually all-inclusive price, around here the average is 400-500/month).
I can't do much to give advice about solving your problem except to run away from it, because that is honestly what I would do, even if I got on good terms with the roommate and established some rules, that sort of living situation would be way too annoying and inconvenient for me, and I grew up living in a shithole of a duplex..
Again i'm not sure how it works in the states, but on campus residence here is usually more expensive (or the same) as finding a nice big room that is part of an off campus house.
|
Hyrule19193 Posts
It sounds like you're complaining unjustly. Try to think about things from his perspective:
1. Some people drank all the water bottles in the fridge during a party and you hadn't cleaned everything up when your roommate got back
2. Your roommate walked in on you having sex so he could surf the web
3. You stop your sexathon to move the mattress downstairs so he can get on his computer
4. Then the roommate comes back after you've finished and fallen asleep and is now asking you to move again so he can get some clothes from his dresser which is not in the bedroom (wtf?)
5. Now he's keeping you awake with his loud-ass keyboard
6. The roommate then makes a blog calling you a jerkface
You're also complaining about getting a two story dorm room with your own private kitchen and separate bedrooms. So far you have a better deal than I did when I got my apartment, and I was able to freely choose who I lived with.
Anyway, it's not entirely anybody's fault. Take Mani's advice and sit down with both your roommates and get some ground rules worked out now, before something stupid happens.
|
Lol, man my freshman year we had a small like, 5 foot by 10 foot "study alcove" and i asked my roommates if i can just put my bed and desk in there, it literally took all 10 feet to put the bed and desk there, and the desk+chair combined would max out the 5 foot wide space. I basically had no floor space but it was worth it. I wouldn't have been able to have 3 people in a 1 tiny ass bedroom space.
4 years of boarding high school I always had a small single room, and after freshman year i've always requested to live in the single-room dorm, best decision ever. Now I have a 10x13 bedroom with my own closet in a mini hallway and a shared bathroom with just one person.
As a seemingly older student, why is it that you got such a shitty housing pick, why don't you live with friends or live off campus as another option, seems reasonable enough to me.
Also in my school there are "roommate agreements" that we sign at the first week of the year, where you just discuss basically everything that'll come up. You could have just settled the whole fridge thing early on, your stuff is your stuff.
|
You sound like more of a problem than he does. You got off on the wrong foot. Follow Manifesto's advice and figure out how to make everything smooth for now and the future.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
