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So following my two-day ban, I'm back. And first and foremost I would like to apologize to the mods and certain people in a recent blog about my "^nerd" comment. I don't know why I did it but let's just say I was probably having a shitty day.
During these two days I have routinely clicked on the Teamliquid link first thing in the morning to sign into my account, then quickly realized that my ban-duration is still not up.This just shows what a huge part of a role Teamliquid plays in my everyday life, and I'll be doing my best to avoid getting the BANhammer in the future 
I was stalking some of my friends' blogs, and I find something a little bit interesting. Now, a little background information, I broke up with my ex a year and 4 months ago, and although at this moment I'm no longer sad/depressed/regretful about what happened, I still catch myself drifting in thoughts about her on a daily basis, just wondering how she's been and what's new in her life. We no longer talk, and it's all cool. I would just like to re-post some of the rants I found on my friends' blogs and want your opinion on what you think. And no this is not a girl blog.
"Often, when two people break up from a what-seem-to-be-a-good-relationship, one person, or both, experience an emotional breakdown. The situation is often patch-able if both sides feel a sense of uneasiness, and so they can, in certain situations, pick up from where they left off, or so to say, "take a break" and resume their relationship. What's the worse scenario is that one person moves on and doesn't give a rat's ass about the other, while the once-significant other suffers for a long period of time.
And it is to these specific people that I want to direct my advice to. I have huge respect for them for several reasons. The main cause of unhappiness is because they fucking cared about their relationships, and if there is one thing that I absolutely hate in this world, is a person who takes a relationship for granted and leaves without a good note. Secondly, I personally understand the torture of being torn apart day by day thinking and wishing for things to get better, but they do not. It takes a huge amount of courage, even hope (although sometimes it's a fool's hope), to wake up every morning to confront the day to come.
Although I have respect for these people, I want to offer a suggestion: stop thinking about things from your point of view. People are sad because they think, oh I'm sad because he/she left me, what am I going to do without him/her? Are they going to come back to me? How am I going to fill up this hole in my heart? I still care...
Let me say one thing, in situations where the other person has clearly moved on and don't give a shit anymore, I'm sorry, but it is your problem now, not theirs. The relationship no longer exists, and the possibility of them coming back is nonexistent. Seeing things now, you can definitely say they don't give a fuck. You are no longer having a battle, but you are under self-torment. No matter how wonderful that person is, no matter how happy your memories are, they only exist to you now. And hence comes the distinction between a realist and a fairytale believer. Guess who wins? A realist.
Why? Isn't hope a good thing? You may ask.
This is the part where you are wrong. And hence another distinction is made between hope and a fool's hope. You can hope for something to happen, and indeed it will happen. Or you can think about the impossible, and it will not happen no matter how hard you "hope". If I say I'm going to be enrolled into Harvard next year, that's not called "hoping", it's called "pointless wishing".
Why do realists win?
Because they are logical. Yes there is a component of life called luck, and the reason why many realists succeed in life is through a combination of luck and logical pursuits. Realists do have the ability to hope, but they effortlessly set a boundary for their hope; it's never far-fetched, it's attainable and truly possible, and therefore they are never disappointed. In breakups, it is the realists who experience the least amount of pain, not because they don't care, it is because they can distinguish between hope and a fool's hope; because they think with a combination of their mind and heart, not just purely heart alone. "
Once again, the above was not written by me, so in case if anyone gets confused by the personal nouns being used.
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My best friend dumped me 5 years ago. I was hung up over it and pestered her a bit. Now we're extremely tight.
Also, at least in my experience, no matter the amount of logic one uses, emotions persist. Of course using logic to get out of bed and do something else will help you get over those emotions. But logic itself, I don't find able to triumph over that pain in your heart.
I agree with regard to the situations where the other person has moved on. But simply saying to be logical, I don't think is a sufficient means of moving on...
The best thing... I think one could do is to try and rebuild their life. There is, in most cases, a mourning period. But it's important I think, to be hopeful of being happy and having a future. No, not necessarily hopeful of getting back together, but allowing yourself the potential to be happy. Maybe by yourself or with someone else.
For me, I broke up with my last ex about a year ago. We're in this awkward place where we kind of want to be friends but don't/can't. Our relationship ...broke up because of distance which made it difficult because of how the blame was distributed. But, I'm hopeful that we may become good friends in the future or that we'll part and both be happy from the experience and have "the best of wishes" for each other.
So...basically, I think hope is important. Hope and faith in one's self though. Not in a "relationship" that one envisions. That isn't hope so much as a crutch -- a dependence. So yeah, that's what I got to say on it Hope it was interesting.
Also sorry if I referenced you as the poster... It's kinda hard to write to the quote...if that makes sense.
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I think a direct or even brutal breakup can be nicer for the other party than a soft "lets still hang out", "lets take a break or see each other less often", "I still love the validation I'm getting" kind of break up.
Being dumped completely at least doesn't drag it out for a long time. Being realistic about it and realizing that it's over is of course a good thing but I think it's not always so obvious what the situation is.
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Pretty fair write-up by your friend. My personal spin on this is as follows:
100% of relationships end for one reason, one or both of the individuals in the relationship perceive inequality in some aspect of the relationship. Whether that be that they think their partner is not good looking enough for them, whether they don't spend enough time together, intimacy is too low for them, there are many results, but it's always this way.
For the one that understands the inequality and acts on it, they are in possession of at least some aspect of this "realist" view. For the general population, there will be some aspect of regret or sadness that accompanies such an occurrence but time allows it to fade.
An easier way to get around it, and one that I try to help those I know with when they come across something like this, is to ask if it benefits them. Whether they happen to feel anger, or sadness or guilt, I ask them a simple question of, "what are you gaining by feeling that way? Do you benefit from feeling angry/sad/guilty?" Of course the answer is always no.
Now, some people are more in control of their feelings than others, so some people immediately grasp what I'm saying and they are able to push it aside and not be eaten away by their emotions. They're able to reflect and move on quite well. Other people, obviously, are less in tune with being in command of their emotions. This is where questions of getting them to objectively reflect on their issue come about.
If you personally would find yourself unable to overcome your emotions, try as you might to ask yourself every time, why are you feeling this why? Is it helping you at all to feel this way? Hopefully, you can overtake your feelings and be able to live a happier life.
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On August 24 2011 04:05 Sablar wrote:
I think a direct or even brutal breakup can be nicer for the other party than a soft "lets still hang out", "lets take a break or see each other less often", "I still love the validation I'm getting" kind of break up.
Being dumped completely at least doesn't drag it out for a long time. Being realistic about it and realizing that it's over is of course a good thing but I think it's not always so obvious what the situation is.
A brutal, direct break-up is by and far the best and most harmless break-up that can happen. Even while in teens the longest you'll ever be upset and messed up because of it is up to a month in extreme cases.
The most important thing in a break up is that the relationship actually breaks on both ends. That's a healthy breakup.
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^ that sucks. I would say I gradually moved on when I knew she got a new boyfriend, which is around 6 months after our breakup. But yeah she threw me the line "let's just be friends" and i couldn't do it. So in the end I deleted her off my facebook, off my msn, off my phone, and slowly i began to come to my senses.
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EPT
