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Reading a certain blog pertaining to lettuce and subway recently has brought back memories. Memories of sheer pain.
Brazil, Ilha Grande. An island located just a few hours off the coast of Rio De Janeiro. I was just a wee lad, on a supposed vacation with my family. What we didn't know is that we got the crappy part of the island. No electricity in our hut, poor sleeping conditions, fungus growing on the walls and leaky roofs. The only way I survived two weeks was because of the exotic drink known as Guarana. Oh how amazing it was/is, for the most part only available in south america/anywhere in the world, l2import nub. Also, I was like 9, not like I could leave the island anyway. I was thousands of miles from my beloved game consoles and TV at home...
Either way, one day the family headed off to one of Ilha Grande's only notable attractions: A large ass beach. Not only was it a large ass beach, there were large asses at the beach. But this is irrelevant, as remember, I was only 9. Girls were still cootie filled monsters, and I certainly didn't care if they had bigger asses. Though I doubt women would try to make themselves look attractive to a pale 9 year old Norwegian boy anyway. Hm. This is irrelevant, back to the story.
It had been a long day at the beach, and as I had refused to put any sun protection of any sort whatsoever on, I had gotten several severe sunburns and was like "FUCK U MOM Y U NO GIVE ME SUN PROTECTIONWTFAAAHHH". Also, I had not eaten the whole day.
But by the end of the day, we got to a small café-ish kinda thingy outside of the beach, the point is, they had fries. I fucking love fries. And I did back then too. So my father was nice and just kind of thought "fuck it, french fries dinner it is."
Several minutes later, we had been joined by my cousin, Eric (approx. 18 years old). Eric didn't speak English or Norwegian, and I didn't speak portugese, so there were sure to be misunderstandings.
Now, before I inform you of what happened in the end, when my juicy beautiful fries arrived, you have to understand one simple thing.
I fucking HATE ketchup.
Yes. YES. If I could remove one thing from existence, what would it be? War? NO. FUCKING KETCHUP. Images of tomatoes haunted me when I was a child, causing me to drop out of school due to night terror. Now that we have this clarified, let's move on.
It was in my sight. I could see the waiter bringing over a sizable bowl of fries to our table. My eyes watered up. Truly, this was the meaning of life. My father, however, said that as I probably wasn't gonna be able to eat all that myself (saying "challenge accepted" didn't help either), I'd have to share with Eric.
This is where it all goes to slow motion. Looking at Eric, I saw his lively brazilian eyes switch over to a very red bottle of thick liquid matter standing at the center of the table. I recognized what the bottle contained, and I shivered at the prospect... Surely... no... it could not be... If only Eric spoke Norwegian, I would of, using my most intimidating 9 year old voice, told him to get his hands away from the fucking ketchup bottle, or I would slit his throat with a french fry and have him choke on SALT. YES. SALT.
My father was busy talking to somebody... I dunno, he was probably chatting up the natives. Anyway, Eric grabbed the ketchup bottle, opened it and...
Eric turned to me and said something in portugese. I had no fucking idea what it meant, of course (I think he was trolling me), but whatever it was I should of responded with "NO YOU FUCKWIT GET AWAY FROM MY FRIES" because what proceeded to occur traumatized me forever more.
So there I sat. With red, goopy, disgusting fries. My day ruined, my week ruined, my vacation ruined, my life? Ruined.
There is no TL;DR summary to express the pain I have put out on display in this blog.
If I truly cared, I could proof read this and make it all grammatically correct and stuff. Haha! No thanks, I'll save that for my creepy stalker letter- Ehm, my creepy... eh... whatever.
I hope everybody who reads this can reflect on the pain I must of felt.
Thank you. <(*.*<) (>*.*)>
<(*.*)> v(*.*)v ^(*.*)^
edit: my half brazilian-up bringing eludes me! It's portugese not Brazilian (O_o) fixed
 
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I agree dude, ketchup blows
Fuck that guy
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I wish I could speak brazilian.
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lol.
Do you want some ketchup with that?
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On August 04 2011 10:35 prototype. wrote:
I wish I could speak brazilian.
You mean Portuguese (or at least Brazilian Portuguese)?
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lol I love this story 5/5
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Ketchup is disgusting. Have you ever read the ingredients list on heinz ketchup? One of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup.
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On August 04 2011 11:11 Melchior wrote:You mean Portuguese (or at least Brazilian Portuguese)?
That's the joke.
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On August 04 2011 11:17 Fontong wrote:
Ketchup is disgusting. Have you ever read the ingredients list on heinz ketchup? One of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup.
Have you ever read the ingredients on a whole bunch of things? Most food that isn't just pure fruit, veg, or meat starts to sound pretty nasty once you get down to it's component parts...
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Ketchup is delicious. You gotta go to a good burger joint and get homemade ketchup. Or make it yourself. But I'm too lazy to do that.
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Haha, epic story. Firstly, though, they speak Portuguese in Brazil.
On August 04 2011 11:17 Fontong wrote:
Ketchup is disgusting. Have you ever read the ingredients list on heinz ketchup? One of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup.
I don't like Ketchup either, but you should know that table sugar is 50:50 fructose:glucose, whereas HFCS (or "corn sugar" as it is now often being called) is 55:45 fructose:glucose, so they are almost exactly the same thing. Don't get me wrong, fructose is very bad for you, but just be wary that regular sugar has nearly the same amount of fructose as HFCS.
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United States1146 Posts
I feel your pain. My pet peeve is mustard and mayonaise. I hate both of them with a passion, which is one of the reasons I use to justify the more expensive burgers at a fast food place - becuase I can shamelessly ask for mayo and mustard to not be added. However, there is only one exception to my rule. That would be the small amount of mayo that a local pizzeria puts on their chicken BLT's, which are one of my favorite sammiches. EVER.
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I used to like salted fries and abhorred ketchup, but I've open my mind and now I enjoy both! :D
Actually now it's a dilemma because I don't know which to choose D:
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Canada2480 Posts
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I like ketchup, but not on fries. I can relate about one little thing ruining your life though. Happens to me all the time. 5/5
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reporting in to defend ketchups honor
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lol I hate ketchup as well. However my story revolves around a hotdog in my childhood and some ketchup a bit past the expiry date.... my taste buds will never be the same T.T
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Man I feel for you. Ketchup totally sucks. What a fucking douche.
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I loved the story, after the introduction I thought someone would get hurt or something.
I hate ketchup too. Mayonnaise / mustard / chili sauce ftw.
5/5
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oh my god...
How can you people all be hating on ketchup? Ketchup is fucking amazing.
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On August 04 2011 11:51 Ingenol wrote:Haha, epic story. Firstly, though, they speak Portuguese in Brazil. Show nested quote +On August 04 2011 11:17 Fontong wrote:
Ketchup is disgusting. Have you ever read the ingredients list on heinz ketchup? One of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup. I don't like Ketchup either, but you should know that table sugar is 50:50 fructose:glucose, whereas HFCS (or "corn sugar" as it is now often being called) is 55:45 fructose:glucose, so they are almost exactly the same thing. Don't get me wrong, fructose is very bad for you, but just be wary that regular sugar has nearly the same amount of fructose as HFCS.
Of course. Heinz doesn't put sugar as the ingredient, they put hfcs. I just don't see why we need large amounts sweetener in what is basically tomatoes mixed with vinegar. Everything is so overly sweetened these days, it's just nasty.
On August 04 2011 11:29 The KY wrote:Show nested quote +On August 04 2011 11:17 Fontong wrote:
Ketchup is disgusting. Have you ever read the ingredients list on heinz ketchup? One of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup. Have you ever read the ingredients on a whole bunch of things? Most food that isn't just pure fruit, veg, or meat starts to sound pretty nasty once you get down to it's component parts...
Call me strange, but I usually either buy natural, organic food or prepare my meals from scratch.
I don't want to have to eat the nasty shit in most processed foods.
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On August 04 2011 10:24 marttorn wrote:
It had been a long day at the beach, and as I had refused to put any sun protection of any sort whatsoever on, I had gotten several severe sunburns and was like "FUCK U MOM Y U NO GIVE ME SUN PROTECTIONWTFAAAHHH". Also, I had not eaten the whole day.
I laughed so hard at this.
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Dude, I feel for you. Ketchup is fucking nasty, I never put them on my fries...
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I like my fries with mayonnaise.
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On August 04 2011 15:53 Fontong wrote:Show nested quote +On August 04 2011 11:51 Ingenol wrote:Haha, epic story. Firstly, though, they speak Portuguese in Brazil. On August 04 2011 11:17 Fontong wrote:
Ketchup is disgusting. Have you ever read the ingredients list on heinz ketchup? One of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup. I don't like Ketchup either, but you should know that table sugar is 50:50 fructose:glucose, whereas HFCS (or "corn sugar" as it is now often being called) is 55:45 fructose:glucose, so they are almost exactly the same thing. Don't get me wrong, fructose is very bad for you, but just be wary that regular sugar has nearly the same amount of fructose as HFCS. Of course. Heinz doesn't put sugar as the ingredient, they put hfcs. I just don't see why we need large amounts sweetener in what is basically tomatoes mixed with vinegar. Everything is so overly sweetened these days, it's just nasty.
I ate at a US military base once. Your food is oozing sugar. Like all of it, everything. It was edible after a long night of boozing but damn ...
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Awesome blog dude, I'm actually neutral towards ketchup but I can feel your pain.
Also, JAJAJA HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE is probably what your Brazilian troll friend said?
-_-;;
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On August 04 2011 11:51 Ingenol wrote:Haha, epic story. Firstly, though, they speak Portuguese in Brazil. Show nested quote +On August 04 2011 11:17 Fontong wrote:
Ketchup is disgusting. Have you ever read the ingredients list on heinz ketchup? One of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup. I don't like Ketchup either, but you should know that table sugar is 50:50 fructose:glucose, whereas HFCS (or "corn sugar" as it is now often being called) is 55:45 fructose:glucose, so they are almost exactly the same thing. Don't get me wrong, fructose is very bad for you, but just be wary that regular sugar has nearly the same amount of fructose as HFCS.
I never knew fructose is bad for you ?? how come it's bad?, I thought it is the sugar in fruits...
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Typical blog trying to sound interesting. Ketchup is pretty decent in small amounts, but you know what blows?
KETCHUP CHIPS
I hate these things with a passion. I could live off of Cool Ranch or Sweet Chili Heat Doritos, or Jalapeno Mrs. Vickie's, but FUCK KETCHUP CHIPS.
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On August 04 2011 21:55 TheGiz wrote:Typical blog trying to sound interesting. Ketchup is pretty decent in small amounts, but you know what blows? KETCHUP CHIPS I hate these things with a passion. I could live off of Cool Ranch or Sweet Chili Heat Doritos, or Jalapeno Mrs. Vickie's, but FUCK KETCHUP CHIPS.
Excuse me, trying? Typical? Why, I find that rather insulting! What would you rather read, some bastardly wuss writing about his miserably failed love life (this isn't targeted at anyone in particular, just the vast amount of girl blogs) or a true, epic tale of bravery, suffering and coping with the inevitable.
Also, ketchup chips? Dear lord. I can't even begin to think of how disgusting that must be.
I'm glad I live in a relatively modern part of the earth as opposed to whatever dilapidated third world you might currently be residing in.
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My cousin puts ketchup on his breakfast omelette and he sometimes eats spaghetti with nothing but ketchup on it, a friend of mine does this too. Some people are just so disgusting.
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I'm sorry but how can you guys hate Ketchup so much?
I'm a ketchup fan.
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I just want to pour ketchup all over this blog. Ketchup makes the world go round.
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On August 04 2011 22:06 marttorn wrote:
What would you rather read, some bastardly wuss writing about his miserably failed love life (this isn't targeted at anyone in particular, just the vast amount of girl blogs) or a true, epic tale of bravery, suffering and coping with the inevitable.
Also, ketchup chips? Dear lord. I can't even begin to think of how disgusting that must be.
I'm glad I live in a relatively modern part of the earth as opposed to whatever dilapidated third world you might currently be residing in.
The dilapidated third world country I live in is Canada. Well, it's more of a first world country full of second world people. It's been going downhill since the Serbian diaspora, anyways.
I love girl blogs though. The naivete that some TLers have regarding women and dating is highly amusing, if at sometimes frustrating. I love setting people straight.
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haha, the best part of your history is that as a Brazillian who already went to Praia Grande, I know, that place really suck if you don't know which one is the good hotels. If you don't know where is the good beaches, it's even worse.
Also, guaraná is for brazillians what pocari sweat is for koreans/japanese :p
5/5 because of Ilha Grande.
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EPT
