EPTI'll try my hardest and not to make this into another sad story that everyone else rights or what they truely want to do in StarCraft community. I sit here tonight and thought of what has happen to me in the past month, and sadly enough it has been a rough snowball effect that has really shaken up my faith in everything. What I mean in everything is the reasoning on what I do and why I continue to do the things I do. For example why do I spend countless hours and dedicate half of my day playing StarCraft and practice with friends and sometimes people on a semi-Pro level? Is it an urge to get better and maybe make a scene when I know I will probably never make it? Well we'll come back to that later, but another thing is just everything has just happen in just a radical, unforseeable, and in a diabolical way. Let me explain everything here.
First thing that has happen in the past that at first I look at it as a bad thing but just moved on and continue to do what I do is I lost my vehicle. Sadly enough it broke down about month after I moved from my Hometown in FL and up to IL. Hopefully to establish a better connection with my family and just see if everything, like my beautiful neice being born in April.^^. But shortly that happy memory would be crushed because I would have no reliable way to revisit her and/or see my brother again due to it breaking down and being impounded by the state being. At first the first week of not having a vehicle was a bit akward but I got used to it and continued to go to work, make money, and play StarCraft. I thought to myself it was just a minor speed bump on what I wanted to do, so I thought to myself I can just get a new one when I get enough money, but first I had to pay off the towing fee from the towing company for towing my vehicle off of the highway.
So therefore as I continue to make payments my phone gets shut off because all of my money was being dedicated to making it to work everyday and paying off that towing fee before he decided to take me to a civil court for his money. Which was the last thing I wanted against my record because I was going into the Navy for Intelligence Specialist(Yay!). So now I have no phone and no vehicle to get and to anywhere. But I continued to play StarCraft when I found time after work.
Then can the big one, shortly after 3 weeks pasted my uncle I was living said I needed to pay some kind of rent for everything he has done for me in the past 2 months. Which in all I understood completely but I talked to him and tried to cope with him telling him I couldn't pay him because of my other priorities. At first I thought he understood completely and he was going to help me just work my way around it. However, he pulled the plug on me as in one morning as I was heading out for work he told my mother he wanted me out of the house today. He didn't want me to pack my belonging he would do that while I was at work. I wondered why such a rational decision without warning? So my mother who has been so kind to me called him up and asked him. It was just subtle things that was bothering him. Like me not going to the Jehovah Witness's meetings with him and his family. Even though I was 19 and I have remained Agnostic since I was 13. But he wanted me to go and just other things that I wont get too involved in tell you people.
So I get back from work that day and see all of my stuff outside but my computer because I didn't want him to touch my computer because I felt that was worth more to me then his life because of what just happen. I gathered my belongings as he was walking outside and I said "So can I get my computer now?" He said, " Sure after you pay me the 200$ you owe me then you can get it out of my house." That just flared me. Made me enraged and that just made me feel like my family is just fucked up due to this religion. So shortly there after I decided I would just get my computer back when I get paid and pay everything else off and just move back where I am from where my friends are my family.
But at last maybe then I can pursue and understand better why I do the things I do without a clear goal? Like what on earth am I here for? Just lately I have been questioning myself on what just happened in everything. Was it me playing StarCraft in my spare time just trying to get better and better at it? Was that I wanted my hobby to maybe be a job someday? Or was it that I feel that I am misunderstood on the things I enjoy in life? It's has really shook me up on what just happen in the past month, but luckly I have a great aunt that understands me and supports me in my desire to get better and better at this game. Even though she doesn't know much about that game, she was asking me questions about it while I was watching the MLG on her computer while my sits at my uncles house. It's hard to pursue a goal without support from people. So enough of my ranting tell me what you think of everything, and this is my first blog. So hopefully it will be better and maybe just maybe I will be one step closer to my goal. I mean I have improved a lot since I firsted started to play this game. Started in silver and now I am in Platinum. Who knows?
~Engelgeddon
