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On August 06 2011 16:06 rad301 wrote:
I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form:
-I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17)
-I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady
-Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there
-I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time
-We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard
-We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully.
-I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way.
-I get home, have sleep.
-I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me.
-Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings.
-I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.
How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.
Thanks.
Just tell her, up front and honest that you aren't interested. Don't be so concerned about hurting her feelings, sure she can be hurt and dissapointed, but i kinda doubt she is going to take that to her grave and damn you for the rest of her life. She flirted with you for one night she'll get over it quickly. Her feelings about it are her buisness and she can deal with them, she doesn't need you trying to hold her hand.
It's natural to be excited and happy that someone spent time flirting with you and you felt some chemistry, but it's not like them rejecting you the next day is going to floor your feelings and send you into a dark abyss of despair. She might call you an arsehole, but man up and take it cause you kinda were.
Stuffing around and avoiding the conversation or being "nice" kinda being friends but not really just extends things and wastes time, adds in confusion, and just makes the situation worse and more painful.
You don't have to be nasty about it, if she asks to hang out just tell her, "I'm sorry about the other night, I was really drunk and gave you the wrong impression, I'm just not interested in you that way" or something to that effect.
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
Well, judging by the lack of responses for more help, I think this thread has been totally successful
Good job everyone
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Or maybe more people read the ABL than you think ... ):
PBF's ; reinstate 'em
Oh, and that this seems to have succumbed to a BW ZvZ
+ Show Spoiler [Explanation] +Because it's a (for now) ... Muta versus Muta battle
(:
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Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league.
Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends.
just lots of confusion 
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 11 2011 20:39 Gprime wrote:Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league. Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends. just lots of confusion
Bit more information needed
Did anything significant happen that you know of?
Does she know about you moving?
Have you spoken to her about the move?
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On August 11 2011 23:19 Hassybaby wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2011 20:39 Gprime wrote:Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league. Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends. just lots of confusion Bit more information needed Did anything significant happen that you know of? Does she know about you moving? Have you spoken to her about the move?
no single significant events that i can think of, other than the initial infatuation fading... i think weve been struggling to deal with the loss of the feeling of infatuation, like, when im doing starcraft or working or w/e shel call and want to hang and if i don't want to shel get angry. similarly when im hanging out and i have to go, shel ask me to stay, even when its impossible, and make me feel guilty about leaving. I work as a farmhand with my best friend, who also plays starcraft, so after work some days, we'l play starcraft. since i don't have set hours she doesn't distinguish between time spent playing starcraft with friend, or time working with friend, and she feels like i spend too much time with him and not enough with her.
Ive spoken to her about the move, and initially she said she thought it was really awesome and she was happy for me and it wouldn't bother her at all. i thanked her for being so supportive and cool about it. a few days later we were having another conversation about it and she said she could whine and bitch and beg me not to go but it wouldn't help me grow as a person. She said she wanted to make it work long distance....i just don't know if its feasible.
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 11 2011 23:44 Gprime wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2011 23:19 Hassybaby wrote:On August 11 2011 20:39 Gprime wrote:Okay so im 19 and im in my first pretty serious relationship (11months). Im pretty much in the relationship bronze league. Lately weve been more distant, because she started working a full time job and i started putting more hours in as well. were kinda growing apart slowly i think, but again, bronze leage, so im not sure...Anyways...ill be moving 200 miles away in september or october, and shes not coming. i have mixed emotions about this. in one way i feel kinda liberated because i feel like im at a point in my life when i want to be out on my own meeting new people and kinda finding myself... i also feel scared that things between us will kinda fall apart because of the distance. I feel confused as to whether i should feel happy or sad, and also im wondering if we should try to keep things going long distance, long term, or break things off, or just kinda keep coasting and growing apart and eventually become friends. just lots of confusion Bit more information needed Did anything significant happen that you know of? Does she know about you moving? Have you spoken to her about the move? no single significant events that i can think of, other than the initial infatuation fading... i think weve been struggling to deal with the loss of the feeling of infatuation, like, when im doing starcraft or working or w/e shel call and want to hang and if i don't want to shel get angry. similarly when im hanging out and i have to go, shel ask me to stay, even when its impossible, and make me feel guilty about leaving. I work as a farmhand with my best friend, who also plays starcraft, so after work some days, we'l play starcraft. since i don't have set hours she doesn't distinguish between time spent playing starcraft with friend, or time working with friend, and she feels like i spend too much time with him and not enough with her. Ive spoken to her about the move, and initially she said she thought it was really awesome and she was happy for me and it wouldn't bother her at all. i thanked her for being so supportive and cool about it. a few days later we were having another conversation about it and she said she could whine and bitch and beg me not to go but it wouldn't help me grow as a person. She said she wanted to make it work long distance....i just don't know if its feasible.
Stop thinking about whether it is feasible or not. Hell, stop thinking fully, except for one question: Do you think it's worth trying? This is no longer about whether you think it'll work out, but whether you think you should try. Personally, if she thinks it can work, and you think it can work, it can work. Its hard, its bloody hard, but I know couples who have made the LDR thing work very well. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right? Maybe the time separate will help in the long term.
Say you go for it. You've moved a bit away, so you can maybe get a better timeframe to talk to each other. Plus imagine how awesome it would be when you guys do meet up when you can. If it doesn't work out, you're in a good spot, in a new area meeting new people.
I've used this analogy before, but it feel fitting. You see a siege line go up within range of your units. Whether you commit or run, its a hell of a lot better that you make a decision than not. So stop over analysing it, and just go for it. The way it sounds, you don't have too much to lose, but a lot to gain
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LDR is hard, BW mechanics hard. Only very rare and unique couples managed it, or even become closer from it.
If you are already having questions now, the probability of you two being in the unique category will be low.
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I've been doing LDR for 3 years now. I would not recommend it. And I'm like, crazy head over heels for this girl, but seriously, I couldn't even go back in time and tell 22 year old mogwai that distance is a good idea and he was 100% confident in his relationship.
If you're really set on staying with this girl, the one huge piece of advice I can offer you is that YOU HAVE TO MAKE A PLAN FOR ENDING THE DISTANCE. And I don't mean some nebulous plan like when she decides to do grad school she'll try to go to a school near you, I mean you have to have a tangible light at the end of the tunnel for distance or it will eat at you and degrade your relationship and make you regret your decision to stay with this girl. At least that's what my experience has taught me.
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Mine lasted for about 3 years as well, Mogwai. The last year was pure misery: trying to make it work, just doesn't.
It's seven years since high school now. Of my year's couples of a large class of over 250, I am only aware of maybe 3 couples that managed. Two pairs end up with one quiting school midway and transfer to be closer to each other, the other pair managed to find grad school together (but unhappy). I am not aware of any couple that managed long distance in the long term.
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I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
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Quick question:
A certain notion has been floating around in my head that has been bothering me since the beginning of time.
Let's assume that I approach a girl and express some interest. Actually, how the heck do I express interest in a non-creepy, normal fashion? Anyways, I've usually been worried that if she turns me down, that may affect our relationship as friends/colleagues/acquaintances. I'm just wondering if there is any truth to these notions, and if there is anything that could build up my confidence.
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Kentor
United States5784 Posts
On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote:
I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
i wanna know what you did that made her so horny
but seriously that's just creepy and suspicious
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote:
I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
Ok....
So I read your post dude, and I re-read it. Each time, only one thing was going through my mind....BITCH BE CRAZY
Tell her, and soon, that this is moving waaaaay to fast for you, and you wanna slow things down so you can actually develop a relationship. By all means meet her if you want to, but after that? Gotta slow that crazy train down son...or something
Also, when you see her, don't take too much cash with you T.T. Nothing wrong with being safe, even if you like her.
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 12 2011 07:06 eviltomahawk wrote:
Quick question:
A certain notion has been floating around in my head that has been bothering me since the beginning of time.
Let's assume that I approach a girl and express some interest. Actually, how the heck do I express interest in a non-creepy, normal fashion? Anyways, I've usually been worried that if she turns me down, that may affect our relationship as friends/colleagues/acquaintances. I'm just wondering if there is any truth to these notions, and if there is anything that could build up my confidence.
Practice. Don't go into a conversation with every girl you find hot, just start somewhere. I used to hone in on something about the girl (a nice watch, what book she was reading) and just talk to her about that. But even before that, randomly having small conversations with complete strangers is a good way to feel more comfortable.
I had the exact problem. I would never talk to people unless I was quite comfortable with them after a bit (friends of friends, friends' gf/bf etc) but one day a few of us were at a charity event at our student union, and this girl was performing there. Not sure what it was, but I just approached her afterwards and started talking to her about the guitar she was using (I really wanted an acoustic at the time, but knew fuck all). I don't even remember how the conversation went, but afterwards I felt great because I just manned up and went for it, but started low down.
You gotta ladder to get higher in the leagues right? Not everyone is born with magical gosu abilities
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On August 12 2011 07:47 Kentor wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote:
I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. i wanna know what you did that made her so horny but seriously that's just creepy and suspicious
apparently I'm super charming or something. I really don't know
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also as much as I hate to admit it, I've been a crazy girl magnet all my life >_>
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On August 12 2011 12:37 iamahydralisk wrote:
also as much as I hate to admit it, I've been a crazy girl magnet all my life >_>
Sucks to be you :p
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On August 12 2011 05:35 iamahydralisk wrote:
I'd like to preface this cry for help with the fact that I'm probably a fucking idiot. Oh well.
Kay so, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty damn well. We've been skyping and shit so I know she's not some 40 year old man or something. Anyway, I've only known her for less than a week but she already wants to come up here and meet me (she lives about 6 hours away by bus). She's willing to pay for the busride and part of a hotel bill if I pick up the other part of the hotel bill. She's told me that she "really wants to be with me" and that if we work in person, she's going to move up here and get an apartment so we can live together. she's already sold some of her stuff and canceled her next semester's classes so she won't have any obligations where she lives now (like honestly what the fuck. I didn't even ask her to. she just did it and told me later and I was like... K?).
So where do I start... I guess the problem I have with the whole situation is that even though I'm attracted to her, it seems like it's all moving so fucking fast. Like, I've known her for less than a week and she already wants to invest a significant amount of time and money into seeing me, and more than that... she's pretty much told me she's in love with me already. I want to see her, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to having her up here for a few days and then spending all that time with her. There's also the nagging feeling in the back of my head that it's too good to be true and she's just playing me for some reason. I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he told me that he knew a guy who went through this exact thing once, and the girl ended up being a liar who literally robbed the guy to get money for drugs.
so yeah. I'm not even sure what advice I'm looking for. any advice and or comments would be welcome. This whole thing just has my head spinning because I've never met a girl who was this serious this fast before.
tl;dr, met girl online, she wants to meet me and stay with me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
If you ask me, she sounds... legit psycho. I would ditch that shit ASAP. Anyone who would change their lives drastically for you after you've chatted online for a WEEK is someone you should steer clear from, because they definitely don't have their own priorities straight.
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
If she starts using words like fate and destiny after the meet (if you go), RUN
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EPT
