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On July 21 2011 00:09 Raisauce wrote:
I don't think it's wrong on the guys end to mess around with a girl whose in a relationship. It's her fault. In this case though, children are involved so if I were you I would stay away. Don't be a legit homewrecker brah.
Yeah, it's weird because I'm at the age now where marriage is a serious topic of conversation for some people. I'm not used to marriage. To me, marriage is something you don't rush in to and you do it for love...not money etc
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On July 21 2011 04:13 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2011 00:09 Raisauce wrote:
I don't think it's wrong on the guys end to mess around with a girl whose in a relationship. It's her fault. In this case though, children are involved so if I were you I would stay away. Don't be a legit homewrecker brah. Yeah, it's weird because I'm at the age now where marriage is a serious topic of conversation for some people. I'm not used to marriage. To me, marriage is something you don't rush in to and you do it for love...not money etc
Love doesn't last long when you're in poverty.
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On July 21 2011 04:15 StorkHwaiting wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2011 04:13 ranshaked wrote:On July 21 2011 00:09 Raisauce wrote:
I don't think it's wrong on the guys end to mess around with a girl whose in a relationship. It's her fault. In this case though, children are involved so if I were you I would stay away. Don't be a legit homewrecker brah. Yeah, it's weird because I'm at the age now where marriage is a serious topic of conversation for some people. I'm not used to marriage. To me, marriage is something you don't rush in to and you do it for love...not money etc Love doesn't last long when you're in poverty.
No I understand that completely, but to get married based on the sole idea that you will get 30% more because your husband would be in the military makes absolutely no sense to me. Especially since money is still a clear issue in their relationship. He was mad at her for spending 80$ on her and her son for a 19 hour flight.
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I heard everything I needed to when you said that you had gone through many failed relationships in the past 2 years. Guess what, most men in this world have. You fail every relationship until the one that leads to marriage. At this point you probably feel lonely, depressed, and emotional. Because of that you are more likely to let your feelings fly down what is really a relatively pathetic pipe-dream. Even if you disagree with me, it's painfully obvious that it is unhealthy for you to mope about it any longer than you have, considering she is married and has kids, regardless of how much better you think you would be for her. In order to fully convince you of why this is a terrible idea, even beyond that:
1. Why would you want to be with a woman who has married twice and has two kids from two different men in her relatively short life? Regardless of how good of a person she may be (which I am sure that you are not completely certain of, considering how you have mostly been stalking her and pouring your feelings out to her), I doubt she has the best judgment skills in the world. Of course I could be completely wrong, for example if her first husband died in a car accident or something of the like, in which case I apologize and retract my statement. Something tells me that this is not the case however.
2. You are telling a woman who has most likely gone through a divorce, is emotionally vulnerable during her pregnancy, has monetary issues, and is married to a military man which means she most likely won't see him often and is most likely distraught about that as well that her life with you will be better. How about we dump some more emotional turmoil on her? I mean, how can it imaginably get any worse? Sure people could die, but let's be realistic here. You just come off as a hugely immature and insensitive person for thinking that your puppy-love fantasies have a place in her life right now. Even if she may agree with you (which could be just to get you off her back, by the way), there is nothing that can be done, so why wave the bread in front of a starving man's face if you don't plan on giving it to him? If I were her, I'd just tell you to fuck off. As an aside, I want to say that I am not intentionally being mean. I just can't help but be judgmental of someone who is kicking a kitten for example. Same concept applies here, although of more emotionally troubling proportions (and this is coming from a guy named ILOVEKITTENS). I know you already said you feel selfish, but I doubt you feel guilty. Maybe some guilt will make you see the truth.
3. You are clearly emotionally unstable yourself. Who in their right mind stalks a girl who he had a romantic encounter with when you were 13? I understand that there might be an air of destiny or true love surrounding the sensual impact that is the loss of virginity. But you must understand that this is all an illusion, and you have made it evident that you are too taken by the flight of fancy to be the man she really needs right now. Someone who can provide for her financially would be nice, but someone who can raise a child and take care of a pregnant woman carrying another, then raise that one as well? You yourself admitted that this was not something you are capable of handling. As such, you have absolutely no place to judge her current relationship or situation.
However, there is something good to say about this situation: LEARN FROM IT.
It's your job now to analyze the situation fully and extract whatever information you can that will benefit your life.
1. Everyone knows that raising children is tough. Now you know that you are not prepared for it. This is pretty big.
2. You see how encumbered she is by her life choice. Inversely, you are free to entertain thoughts of getting together with her, even have the capacity to get upset about it being an impossibility. You are FREE. Go enjoy your freedom and stop moping about yesteryear.
3. Your failures have driven you into a pit of despair. The best remedy? Trying to achieve the unattainable is not it. Trying to go out, HAVE FUN, and meet some new fucking girls. Maybe your previous relationships failed due to your short-comings, or due to the short-comings of others, but that is the past. It is your duty to yourself to take a deep breath, check in your baggage, and move the fuck on. Men who live in the past will never fully grasp the beauty and opportunity of today. You have to go and talk to real people, right now. The chance that she is the perfect woman for you in the world is roughly one out of 3.5 billion, statistically. And that's if you ignore all the surrounding nonsense, which makes it seem more like 0. The chance that there is someone better for you out there is significantly higher.
4. You need to grow up a little and not let your emotions rule your mind. The person who retains the most control over his mind and heart at once is wise and would not be swept away by dreams of long-lost love. You are also not an old lonely man, nostalgic over his youth lost.
On that note, best of luck with improving yourself! FIGHTING!
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On July 21 2011 04:12 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2011 00:30 iCCup.Nove wrote:
If you were the father of one of those children you would not be feeling this way. Sounds like you just need to meet other girls. I agree with this to a certain extent. The problem is that I've met quite a few girls. (I don't want to refer to myself as a man-whore, but rather a man that finds stuff quickly) Since her I've had 3 girlfriends, and before that 11. I've slept with 15 girls and still none of them can beat that with this girl.
u've had 11 girlfriends before you were 13 years old?
._______.
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On July 21 2011 05:00 ILOVEKITTENS wrote:
I heard everything I needed to when you said that you had gone through many failed relationships in the past 2 years. Guess what, most men in this world have. You fail every relationship until the one that leads to marriage. At this point you probably feel lonely, depressed, and emotional. Because of that you are more likely to let your feelings fly down what is really a relatively pathetic pipe-dream. Even if you disagree with me, it's painfully obvious that it is unhealthy for you to mope about it any longer than you have, considering she is married and has kids, regardless of how much better you think you would be for her. In order to fully convince you of why this is a terrible idea, even beyond that:
1. Why would you want to be with a woman who has married twice and has two kids from two different men in her relatively short life? Regardless of how good of a person she may be (which I am sure that you are not completely certain of, considering how you have mostly been stalking her and pouring your feelings out to her), I doubt she has the best judgment skills in the world. Of course I could be completely wrong, for example if her first husband died in a car accident or something of the like, in which case I apologize and retract my statement. Something tells me that this is not the case however.
2. You are telling a woman who has most likely gone through a divorce, is emotionally vulnerable during her pregnancy, has monetary issues, and is married to a military man which means she most likely won't see him often and is most likely distraught about that as well that her life with you will be better. How about we dump some more emotional turmoil on her? I mean, how can it imaginably get any worse? Sure people could die, but let's be realistic here. You just come off as a hugely immature and insensitive person for thinking that your puppy-love fantasies have a place in her life right now. Even if she may agree with you (which could be just to get you off her back, by the way), there is nothing that can be done, so why wave the bread in front of a starving man's face if you don't plan on giving it to him? If I were her, I'd just tell you to fuck off. As an aside, I want to say that I am not intentionally being mean. I just can't help but be judgmental of someone who is kicking a kitten for example. Same concept applies here, although of more emotionally troubling proportions (and this is coming from a guy named ILOVEKITTENS). I know you already said you feel selfish, but I doubt you feel guilty. Maybe some guilt will make you see the truth.
3. You are clearly emotionally unstable yourself. Who in their right mind stalks a girl who he had a romantic encounter with when you were 13? I understand that there might be an air of destiny or true love surrounding the sensual impact that is the loss of virginity. But you must understand that this is all an illusion, and you have made it evident that you are too taken by the flight of fancy to be the man she really needs right now. Someone who can provide for her financially would be nice, but someone who can raise a child and take care of a pregnant woman carrying another, then raise that one as well? You yourself admitted that this was not something you are capable of handling. As such, you have absolutely no place to judge her current relationship or situation.
However, there is something good to say about this situation: LEARN FROM IT.
It's your job now to analyze the situation fully and extract whatever information you can that will benefit your life.
1. Everyone knows that raising children is tough. Now you know that you are not prepared for it. This is pretty big.
2. You see how encumbered she is by her life choice. Inversely, you are free to entertain thoughts of getting together with her, even have the capacity to get upset about it being an impossibility. You are FREE. Go enjoy your freedom and stop moping about yesteryear.
3. Your failures have driven you into a pit of despair. The best remedy? Trying to achieve the unattainable is not it. Trying to go out, HAVE FUN, and meet some new fucking girls. Maybe your previous relationships failed due to your short-comings, or due to the short-comings of others, but that is the past. It is your duty to yourself to take a deep breath, check in your baggage, and move the fuck on. Men who live in the past will never fully grasp the beauty and opportunity of today. You have to go and talk to real people, right now. The chance that she is the perfect woman for you in the world is roughly one out of 3.5 billion, statistically. And that's if you ignore all the surrounding nonsense, which makes it seem more like 0. The chance that there is someone better for you out there is significantly higher.
4. You need to grow up a little and not let your emotions rule your mind. The person who retains the most control over his mind and heart at once is wise and would not be swept away by dreams of long-lost love. You are also not an old lonely man, nostalgic over his youth lost.
On that note, best of luck with improving yourself! FIGHTING!
Several things, firstly thank you for the honest post. Second, she reached out to me on twitter. I never reached out to her. I'd occasionally lurk her facebook to see how she was doing, but I never had the balls to reach out in fear of ruining her relationship. She came to me, which is why I automatically assumed that something was wrong. Lastly, I do have fun. I'm an extrovert. I'm outgoing and I know everyone, but that doesn't mean I'm not lonely or upset. I go to clubs, I go to bars, I do things on a daily basis. I have a healthy job and a sex life (for the most part), but for some odd reason this one girl is able to break it all down in one night. There are a lot of people in the world and I meet many on a daily basis, but I still never feel the same. Thank you again though.
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On July 21 2011 05:09 diarsenic wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2011 04:12 ranshaked wrote:On July 21 2011 00:30 iCCup.Nove wrote:
If you were the father of one of those children you would not be feeling this way. Sounds like you just need to meet other girls. I agree with this to a certain extent. The problem is that I've met quite a few girls. (I don't want to refer to myself as a man-whore, but rather a man that finds stuff quickly) Since her I've had 3 girlfriends, and before that 11. I've slept with 15 girls and still none of them can beat that with this girl. u've had 11 girlfriends before you were 13 years old? ._______.
Eek, I misconstrued that a little bit. I dated her when I was 13 and lost my virginity (we both did), and then I had slept with 11 different girls since I was 13 up until I rekindled my relationship with her at 19. Since we broke up, I've been with 3 women. So In total it should be 15.
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On July 21 2011 05:12 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2011 05:09 diarsenic wrote:On July 21 2011 04:12 ranshaked wrote:On July 21 2011 00:30 iCCup.Nove wrote:
If you were the father of one of those children you would not be feeling this way. Sounds like you just need to meet other girls. I agree with this to a certain extent. The problem is that I've met quite a few girls. (I don't want to refer to myself as a man-whore, but rather a man that finds stuff quickly) Since her I've had 3 girlfriends, and before that 11. I've slept with 15 girls and still none of them can beat that with this girl. u've had 11 girlfriends before you were 13 years old? ._______. Eek, I misconstrued that a little bit. I dated her when I was 13 and lost my virginity (we both did), and then I had slept with 11 different girls since I was 13 up until I rekindled my relationship with her at 19. Since we broke up, I've been with 3 women. So In total it should be 15.
Ok that makes sense haha
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I genuinely feel very bad for you, as it must feel terrible in your heart (literally) after what you've went through. I don't know if the woman divorcing her husband would be possible, and it seems too late to do anything since she has two children. All I can say is move on. You may think she is the best woman in the world, and to you it may be true for the rest of your life, but there are plenty of others you can love.
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On July 21 2011 05:17 edc wrote:
I genuinely feel very bad for you, as it must feel terrible in your heart (literally) after what you've went through. I don't know if the woman divorcing her husband would be possible, and it seems too late to do anything since she has two children. All I can say is move on. You may think she is the best woman in the world, and to you it may be true for the rest of your life, but there are plenty of others you can love.
It's so strange that 2 years ago I ended the relationship because I was worried about raising a child that was not mine, but after turning 22 and realizing it's life I wish I could have changed it, but now it's just silly to even think about having her. Thank you.
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On July 21 2011 05:20 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2011 05:17 edc wrote:
I genuinely feel very bad for you, as it must feel terrible in your heart (literally) after what you've went through. I don't know if the woman divorcing her husband would be possible, and it seems too late to do anything since she has two children. All I can say is move on. You may think she is the best woman in the world, and to you it may be true for the rest of your life, but there are plenty of others you can love. It's so strange that 2 years ago I ended the relationship because I was worried about raising a child that was not mine, but after turning 22 and realizing it's life I wish I could have changed it, but now it's just silly to even think about having her. Thank you.
So are you telling me that I am the one person who changed your mind? You weren't convinced with ILOVEKITTENS' extremely long and well-thought advice (I completely agree with ILK, and I myself adore kittens and cats and animals in general)! Glad to help, sir, and good luck with your future love life!
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On July 21 2011 05:25 edc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2011 05:20 ranshaked wrote:On July 21 2011 05:17 edc wrote:
I genuinely feel very bad for you, as it must feel terrible in your heart (literally) after what you've went through. I don't know if the woman divorcing her husband would be possible, and it seems too late to do anything since she has two children. All I can say is move on. You may think she is the best woman in the world, and to you it may be true for the rest of your life, but there are plenty of others you can love. It's so strange that 2 years ago I ended the relationship because I was worried about raising a child that was not mine, but after turning 22 and realizing it's life I wish I could have changed it, but now it's just silly to even think about having her. Thank you. So are you telling me that I am the one person who changed your mind? You weren't convinced with ILOVEKITTENS' extremely long and well-thought advice (I completely agree with ILK, and I myself adore kittens and cats and animals in general)! Glad to help, sir, and good luck with your future love life!
hah, no ilk definitely helped. I just replied in that manner to you.
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All of those people who are saying raising some other dudes kids is just stupid arent realistic.
If you raise kids you influence them quite a lot i dont believe that genetics are THAT importand.
I know this sounds silly but if you really love her just think about it.
1. Is it possible (move together/pay for you both lifes...)
2. Dont you just want to have fun, and someone who understands you?
3. Do you think she isnt happy in this situation she is in, and are you able to change that.
4. Arent you just another dude she trys to Love?
If so, you should not care about the other guy or anything else just put all you effort in this but be fkkn serious and dont dream about some miracles happen...
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Update: She just called me twice. I did not pick up.
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I don't think that is the best solution but it definitely gets the job done ^^
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I'm in Hawaii... I'll find her for you.
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Hi... TLDR the long post above so excuse me if this is what he said. This girl clearly has a lot of issues. She was really young when she lost her virginity and already has two kids by two fathers at a really young age. If you get with her, you can be assured she will end up cheating on you.
Stay away from her like the plague man. Go find someone fresh and new. Without kids or a husband. Maybe a little more mentally balanced.
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On July 21 2011 11:05 ranshaked wrote:
Update: She just called me twice. I did not pick up.
I don't know where ur at in terms of maturity, but there is nothing wrong with marrying someone who has 2 children. While I know in terms of the male ego it doesn't sound very flattering, I actually have a really nice neighbor who's a dermatologist. He was 28 when he married a woman of 33 with 3 children from a previous marriage. They've been together for over 20 years now and their kids grew up fine, he had 2 more kids with her, they live in a nice big house, and they get along great as far as I can see.
He wasn't a loser or deadbeat or anything like that. He was a young, handsome dermatologist. Pretty sure he had plenty of women beating down his door for a ring.
If you love her, and your feelings have a good foundation, there's no reason not to explore it. THe fact she's married is a little unsettling, but tbh, people make mistakes. Shit happens. Don't listen to crap from kids who haven't even lived it who say stuff like once a cheater always a cheater. It's NOT true. I've seen all kinds of stories under the sun. People who left their husband to be with another guy, but are still together 40 years later. People who had shotgun weddings but the marriage ended up being rock solid.
There is no science when it comes to relationships. There is no way to know. You can try to be logical about it, but sadly enough, it just doesn't seem to apply when it comes to human relations.
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Since she is in emotional distress and she came to you why don't you just put your feelings aside and support her as a friend? She came to you because she felt she could gain some support to get her through a rough time. Its kinda selfish of you to dump your feelings and your wants onto her. Even if what you say is true and she does want you but is bogged down by a marriage that she now regrets well then just be there for her in a support way because its really probably not going to happen between you two anytime in the foreseeable future. So let Logic take over the emotion and just be there for her.
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EPT
