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The Diary of Edgar Allan Probe

Blogs > SirJolt
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SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-22 21:52:11
June 22 2011 20:30 GMT
#1
This is a true story that happened to me while I was doing research for my upcoming book (SirJolt's Galactic Travels: A Guidebook for the Would-be Xenographer). With all the focus on literacy here lately I thought I should share this before the main volume itself is released. The content here was hand-translated by me from it's original tonal probe-speak. Corrections to the finer points of my grammar would be much appreciated.

It happened, one dark and dreary evening, that I had the good fortune to encounter the tiny robot they call Edgar Allan Probe. He is a foppish gent, tending much toward the dandy, but seems to me to worry overmuch about the potential pitfalls of his perennial profession, a plague of prattling players preaching the virtues of the cannon rush.

[image loading]
A hastily drawn portrait of the man himself, Edgar Allan Probe, which I drew using some charcoal from the fire he'd used to boil the kettle as we took hot chocolate


You’ll have to excuse my rough translation, I made many estimations, but when I’d talk to Edgar all he’d ever say was, “Mrreow”

The Templar:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I wandered meek and leery,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a kreeing,
As of some one gently skreeling, skreeling at my main base door.
`'Tis some executor,' I muttered, `scratching at my main base door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was on the map Scrap Station,
And each separate fine libation wrought its stain upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my clumps surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Fenix -
For the rare and radiant zealot whom the angels named Fenix -
Dragoon here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain wailing of each yellow warpgate
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the pulsing of my core, I stood repeating
`'Tis some zealot entreating entrance at my main base door -
Some executor entreating entrance at my main’s front door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Zerg,' said I, `or Terran, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was mining, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no Protoss ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered words, `PsiStorm!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `PsiStorm!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my volts within me burning,
Soon again I heard a scratching somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my pylon’s lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis Automaton 2000 and nothing more!'

Down then I tore the warpgate, when, with many a flirt and shake,
In there stepped a stately templar of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, drifted above my main base floor -
Perched beside a core of cybers just above my main base floor -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this white templar beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient templar wandering from the scrap station -
Tell me what thy appelation is on the map’s scrap ridden shore!'
Quoth the templar, `Tassadar.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly thing to hear discourse so plainly,
Though his answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living protoss being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing man above his main base -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his main base floor,
With such name as `Tassadar.'

But the templar, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends I’ve known before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
The psychic said, `Mine some more.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Research storm."'

But the templar still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a bright archive in front of him and main base door;
Then, with early forge spinning, I betook myself to willing
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous ‘toss of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous ‘toss of yore
Meant in croaking `Research storm.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the ‘toss whose fiery eyes now burned into my robotic core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the nexus’ pulsing lining that the chronoboost gloated o'er,
But whose fervent violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
It shall press, ah, Psychic Storm!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by mutalisks whose wing-beats tinkled on the foetid air.
`Wretch,' I cried, `Zeratul hath lent thee - by these dark shrines he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of kheydarin!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this amulet!'
Quoth the templar, `Research storm.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm on planet Char? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the templar, `Instant Storms.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that Aiur we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, except the distant Kerrigan,
It shall wield a fated necklace, which the angels named kheydarin -
Clasp a rare and rich amulet, which the angels named kheydarin?'
Quoth the templar, `Instant Storms.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, ‘toss or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the map Scrap Station’s shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the templar, `Zergling Swarms.'

And the templar, never flitting, still is drifting, still is drifting,
On the foetid air of Scrap Station just above my main base floor;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted – feedback more!






+ Show Spoiler +
I'm so sorry, I don't even know who the target audience is anymore.



****
Moderator@SirJolt
SonuvBob
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
Aiur21549 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-22 20:37:56
June 22 2011 20:37 GMT
#2
There is something seriously wrong with you, but in a good way. Don't ever change.
Administrator
eviltomahawk
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States11135 Posts
June 22 2011 20:41 GMT
#3
Holy check, I got nerd chills from reading that, though my poetry comprehension is quite poor.
ㅇㅅㅌㅅ
Qumquat
Profile Joined April 2011
Israel353 Posts
June 22 2011 20:43 GMT
#4
Words of a genius...
I especially loved the raven, uh, I mean the Templar.
5/5
mordek
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States12704 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-22 20:47:20
June 22 2011 20:44 GMT
#5
<3 all of your work. Love it!

Edit: Just hit me, Tassadar correct spelling?
It is vanity to love what passes quickly and not to look ahead where eternal joy abides. Tiberius77 | Mordek #1881 "I took a mint!"
Monokeros
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
United States2493 Posts
June 22 2011 20:52 GMT
#6
Amazing I read every bit of it and wow just words yeah. good stuffs.
Keep the Dream Alive twitch.tv/monokerros
ProbeYourSCV
Profile Joined June 2011
Bahrain30 Posts
June 22 2011 20:56 GMT
#7
Good stuff bro, would be better if you recite this poem on youtube
Long Live the King
garbanzo
Profile Joined October 2009
United States4046 Posts
June 22 2011 21:02 GMT
#8
Seems like a really strange choice for a parody. It works quite well though, templars should totally say "research storm".
Even during difficult times, when I sat down to play the game, there were times where it felt like god has descended down and played [for me].
Liquid`Drone
Profile Joined September 2002
Norway28628 Posts
June 22 2011 21:12 GMT
#9
I second sonuvbob.
Moderator
flowSthead
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
1065 Posts
June 22 2011 21:15 GMT
#10
That was pretty badass.
"You can be creative but I will crush it under the iron fist of my conservative play." - Liquid`Tyler █ MVP ■ MC ■ Boxer ■ Grubby █
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
June 22 2011 21:30 GMT
#11
Hahaha, well done
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
n.DieJokes
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States3443 Posts
June 22 2011 21:49 GMT
#12
That was cool... I'm proud of you
MyLove + Your Love= Supa Love
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
June 22 2011 21:53 GMT
#13
On June 23 2011 05:37 SonuvBob wrote:
There is something seriously wrong with you, but in a good way. Don't ever change.


On June 23 2011 06:12 Liquid`Drone wrote:
I second sonuvbob.


If either of you can fix this star problem I've got going on ↓ I'd super appreciate it
Moderator@SirJolt
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
June 22 2011 22:10 GMT
#14
I'm in love with everything you produce I can't believe bob and Drone wouldn't spotlight this.
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
3 Lions
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
United States3705 Posts
June 22 2011 22:14 GMT
#15
holy...
Redmark
Profile Joined March 2010
Canada2129 Posts
June 22 2011 22:17 GMT
#16
I don't know about poetic value but the most memorable thing about The Raven was how everything rhymed imo. Though I get that's it'd difficult to find SC stuff that rhymes with Lenore
Froadac
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States6733 Posts
June 22 2011 22:19 GMT
#17
Quite the epic rendition.

Not sure my english teacher would appreciate it though ^^
Hapahauli
Profile Joined May 2009
United States9305 Posts
June 22 2011 22:19 GMT
#18
Bravo... that's just... wow.
a talking rock that sprouts among the waves woosh
Stijx
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States804 Posts
June 22 2011 22:34 GMT
#19
... That was awesome. Amazing work ^_^
nttea
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Sweden4353 Posts
June 22 2011 22:50 GMT
#20
SHIT why would you do such a thing? so much work and so little praise!
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