I really am having trouble since my last blog post.
I started a whiteboard to motivate me it read: MY GOALS • MLG Columbus -- Must go • ProGaming -- Must win • Zerg -- Must master.
Too bad all those dreams were put to rest in a second. I asked my mom If I could go to MLG. No it wasnt an ask, it was a beg. And she rejected the idea the second I said it was in Columbus. That means everything else was down the drain, I am too depressed to touch the game I once loved. I cried that night, made bad grades, didnt talk to friends. I was beyond depressed. But I think that my depression was more than just me not going to MLG -- Must have been bullying at school, grades, etc. People look at gaming competitions like they are a waste of time, I wish people werent inconsiderate dicks. This is crap, so is my life. I went through a lot of depression. A LOT. I thought about suicide, I thought about cutting myself. I tried that, it hurts. =/ To add to everything my grades have been dropping, if I make an F its goodbye starcraft, I would have to spend the night at my friends home. Ive been watching the streams for a while -- my favorite is ROOTCatZ most definitely. Really inspirational the kind of stuff he says. My favorite would be "Fungal Tyler! Fuck Tyler Fungal!!" awesome life changing quote, almost as powerful as the Jimmy NoooOoOOOo Destiny VOD. Lawlz. In other good news I am getting my computer put together after 5 years. I just upgraded from 1gb of memory to 4gb and got me the GeForce GTX 560ti (MSI) plus a new power supply. Now I just need a new motherboard and I might win something. =/ I went Zerg, absolutely the best race ever, for the swarm bitches. Any tips on getting out of bronze would help, PM me the tips, would appreciate that so much! I think all my blogs are going to have questions for TLmembers to answer down below, so here we go! :D
Also, I am going to start streaming when the memory actually gets here, join in! If I can get a spot on TL that would be good, but I doubt a 14 is fun to listen to but hell why not.
Is MLG really worth getting depressed about? or should I just calm down and wait for another one that is closer?
The suicide thing was a different subject. I had really bad grades and my parents and I werent really that close, had many fights with my dad and mom over stupid shit. I am all better now :D
On Columbus, I do live in MS. It would be a long drive.
Lol I tried to get the women who clothed and fed me to take me. Obviously gaming is not a real hobby to her.
Wait, were you planning on going to MLG to compete? And you're feeling down about not being able to?
Well if you WERE going to compete, I don't think you should feel disappointed that you can't go now, since you said you're still only bronze and you'd get your ass handed to you, even if you practiced your ass off till then. I mean... you're bronze.
If you were going just to watch... Hell, then just watch the stream from home!
Just focus on training first, even if you went to MLG do you think you'd get far? If you win some online tournaments and perhaps get a bit of $$$ that way it might show your mom that it's something you care about and can make something from. Then again she might not care, worth a try though.
@ Chrono and Jono -- More like watching, but damn I would mind a game against IdrA even if I lost But still it would be a fun experience and my parents still wouldnt let me go if I paid for everything.
if you were just gonna watch save money, stay home and watch the stream.
On April 22 2011 11:52 CabelD wrote: That means everything else was down the drain, I am too depressed to touch the game I once loved. I cried that night, pissed the bed, I was beyond depressed.
Not depressed anymore -- this is about three weeks ago, I think it was other things that were happening at the same time that made it worse that it actually was. I am also bullied at schools which is why my grades are falling. Thanks for the comments -- But nah im not crazy. :D well not that crazy.
Im not saying give up on your dreams if that's what you truely want, but damn man, don't get so upset over a video game. Focus on getting out of bronze first.
And to stop the bullies, next time they start shit just smile at them and say "fuck with me again and ill stab each of you and cut your tongues out, you pig fuckers"
When setting goals, you need to be more specific. The more details you put in your goal, generally the better.
What does master Zerg mean? Get into masters league? Win tournaments? Be specific.
AKA. I want to be top 1000 in North America in points by May 1st. I want to finish in the top three of a money tournament by June 1st. I want to practice 4 hours a day of Starcraft in 1v1s, followed by an hour of watching my replays. I want to get an A in each of my classes in this next semester. I will spend X amount of time for each subject, and get help from x and x i I have trouble. I want to get a job working in X industry making at least X amount an hour by June 1st.
On April 22 2011 12:30 zerglingsfolife wrote: When setting goals, you need to be more specific. The more details you put in your goal, generally the better.
What does master Zerg mean? Get into masters league? Win tournaments? Be specific.
AKA. I want to be top 1000 in North America in points by May 1st. I want to finish in the top three of a money tournament by June 1st. I want to practice 4 hours a day of Starcraft in 1v1s, followed by an hour of watching my replays. I want to get an A in each of my classes in this next semester. I will spend X amount of time for each subject, and get help from x and x i I have trouble. I want to get a job working in X industry making at least X amount an hour by June 1st.
On this note, when beginning an activity practice goals are the best.
Instead of : Achieve Masters league.
Goal should be: Practice 5 hours a day. (you can get more detailed too)
Instead of making an eventual result the goal, take a step back and make the process you will have to go through to get there the target.
The 2nd goal is better because you can achieve it every day and is entirely in your own control without depending on other people's performance. Couple months of long days practice and you will get good unless you are just clueless at practicing (there are tons of resources on how to practice effectively).
Also: Who the fuck cares about MLG? It would be nice but whatever, there is absolutely no reason to be upset over something you cannot control. Put it out of your mind and concentrate on the next objective.
First off, I agree 100% with what people are saying in respect to being specific when setting goals. If you set a goal to "get into masters" you get a feel good high like "yeah, I've got a plan baby" and then you don't do much besides ladder more that first day.
Specific goal setting helps outline the steps you need to take and how to get their. For instance its alot harder to set a goal of losing 30 pounds, than it is to think about the problem, realize I'm drinking three soda's per day and not exercising and then set a goal of cutting out soda and running at least 3 miles a day. Losing 30 pounds isn't specific and can't be followed, cutting out soda and going out for a run each day can be followed very easily.
On April 22 2011 12:15 CabelD wrote: Not depressed anymore -- this is about three weeks ago, I think it was other things that were happening at the same time that made it worse that it actually was. I am also bullied at schools which is why my grades are falling. Thanks for the comments -- But nah im not crazy. :D well not that crazy.
No.
I understand bullying can be very tough emotionally, but I see these types of statements all the time. The reason they are bad is that it seems to me in like 99 out of 100 cases this is used as a weak justification to absolve the person of responsibility for their grades.
If you're physically getting beat to shit it's a bit of a different issue, but if were talking bullying as in getting ostracized/ridiculed/made-fun-of there are some important things I feel you need to ask yourself. If bullying is "affecting your grades" what you're really saying is that your allowing the bullying to put you in a mental state in which your unable/un-willing to work and study.
The first question is, why are these kids harassing you in the first place? If the reasons you come up with are things that you legitimately dislike about yourself (maybe your overweight and aren't happy about that, maybe you have a way of acting or talking that is considered "goofy" and you dislike that you do this) then take the time to ask yourself, is this worth fixing. I don't necessarily feel you should fix the problem because your being bullied, but it may bring up things about yourself that are undesirable.
If it turns out that the harassment stems from things you couldn't give a shit about (your a gamer, and proud of it) or things you absolutely cannot control (you have a weird hairline) then who the fuck cares. If its something that your proud of and being harassed over, then their is nothing to care about. If someone makes fun of me because I believe that you should always help others and treat them with respect: fuck them. What do I care that they disagree with my values; they are my principles that I live by, that make me who I am; if anything I feel honored that I am living my values strongly enough for others to feel the need to bash that.
If its something you cannot do anything about, again, who cares? There isn't anything you can do about it, its not worrying about it. If people give me shit because I have very red cheeks, why on earth would I care? I can't change it, so I don't give a shit what people say about it. There is literally nothing I can do to be change that, and it would be incredibly stupid of me to worry about that, especially if I let drag me down and limit my potential.
IMO tell your parents that if they don't let you go to MLG, you'll drop out of school as soon as you're old enough (16 in most states). Put 100% of your life into starcraft, then maybe you will become someone great.
Just be ready to go through with it if need be. Start doing some practice stabs on a chicken or a small hog to get yourself aquainted with the feeling of knife slicing through meat.
On April 22 2011 15:32 ZaplinG wrote: Just be ready to go through with it if need be. Start doing some practice stabs on a chicken or a small hog to get yourself aquainted with the feeling of knife slicing through meat.
On April 22 2011 15:32 ZaplinG wrote: Just be ready to go through with it if need be. Start doing some practice stabs on a chicken or a small hog to get yourself aquainted with the feeling of knife slicing through meat.
thanks for the hilarious and awesome comments :D made my night. @ L_Master -- Thanks so much for your comment really helped me out @ ZaplinG -- LOL. @ Noelani -- thanks :D @ Haters -- I <3 you too!!!!
Dude, don't come here looking for sympathy and friends then laugh everything off when people are trying to level with you on a realistic basis. Here's a picture I took when I was in India, for a bit of contrast. Your life isn't "shit", this is:
Quesadillla -- Not trying to make friends -- thanking people for advise, I never said my life was the worst in the world, I said it was bad. And I didnt come looking for sympathy, I made a blog about what I was feeling at the time. Thanks baibai.
The one thing I've learned is that parents - however oppressive and annoying they seem - are reasonable. Instead of focusing on your SC2 play, focus on what is important to them! If you bring your grades up, you've proved that a gaming hobby is of no "legitimate" consequence. Try pulling all As (or at least some nice goal, 3.5+) and then seeing how they respond to an idea such as a cool MLG trip. Make a deal that if you can pull a 3.5 or 3.8 or 4.0 this semester they will take you to an MLG - I bet they'd even be willing to pay (at least some). I wouldn't suggest playing SC2 > studying, but if you can practice and still earn the necessary grades then that's perfect.
You are 14. Do you realize how much time you have ahead of you to change all of the things you dislike about your life? SOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much time you cant even fathom.
You dont have to go to this MLG Columbus, nor the next MLG - MLG will be around, as will plenty of other tournaments. Dont neglect school in favour of progaming dreams - yet. You can manage both until you get to a VERY high level, and the time it will take to get to said level is not going to be significantly different if you manage school or no.
So do both until you are good enough to get a full time offer!
Do good in school, show your parents what esports is (gsl, mlg, etc), gradually get them to understand, then maybe they will be more receptive.
Just realize that theres no rush. I wanted to be a progamer when I was 13, I didnt realize it until I was 21. Will it take that long for you? Most likely not, because I started SC1 when it was dying outside of Korea, whereas you are starting SC2 during its booming phase, and it will be around for many years to come.
You will be significantly happier - and more well adjusted - if you dont hinge happyness entirely around the neck of your progaming dream. Have it be your dream, work towards it, but dont neglect the rest of your life to the point where you are talking about suicide because you cant have it realized right this instance (I know you said that wasnt the main reason).
On April 22 2011 12:25 ZaplinG wrote: And to stop the bullies, next time they start shit just smile at them and say "fuck with me again and ill stab each of you and cut your tongues out, you pig fuckers"
A vague idea of the nature of his bullies might be desirable before giving advice of this nature :D!
On April 22 2011 15:32 ZaplinG wrote: Just be ready to go through with it if need be. Start doing some practice stabs on a chicken or a small hog to get yourself aquainted with the feeling of knife slicing through meat.
EPT
but hell why not.
But still it would be a fun experience and my parents still wouldnt let me go if I paid for everything. 
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