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Right... I saw a few people pouring their heart, anger and soul into these blogs and although I'm no wizard in the articulation department, I felt this surge of expression coming out, but I have nowhere else to vomit, so I'll do it here!
If you're unsure of what this blog is about, it's just generally food for thought [of my day] so 1. ease back and get out your utensils, 2. don't fill up on bread and 3. tip your waiter with your own thoughts or sentiments.
Thanks
Winter Parmesan and Myself, Tortellini
Tell me a little bit about your father.
"Go ahead, tell me, you can trust me". I know a lot of things, I like to pretend I have an opinion on everything, everyone and every subject. I'm a young Andy Rooney minus the eventual cynicism of his old-age. I'm a skeptic, but a proud viewer of routine, moral values and inherent sentimental understandings of the things we cherish.
When people ask me to talk about my family, I have no trouble. I do have trouble getting along with them, but to describe them is of no problem. I've come to the realization that when I dislike someone, describing them in an entirety, with inclusion of their past, views and motives is a cinch and almost a joke of a question.
If there is one person I can never bring myself to describe, it is my father. When people ask me to talk about him, to describe him, I never know what to say. Mind you, this isn't because I only get to see him once a year for a period of 2 weeks (my parents have been long divorced now), nor the fact that my mother depicts him as a cheap and cowardly person (whether that is true or not, I am unsure and so will you be).
Yet, when requested to describe him back in high-school or with several psychologists or even among previous friends; I stutter. I am left silent and perplexed as to where to begin, what do I start with? Start with his birth? His childhood? Here's what I know: He was born in England purely because they had great hospitals, went back to Egypt. Apparently moved out of Egypt when the war started occuring and ended up in Long Island and at some point, he went to study in Belgium for his medical degree and enlisted in the army for cardiology experience. If you think I'm being concise, omitting details or skipping a lot of parts, I am not. This literally all I know of his past. He was apparently a "nerd" back in university, loved school and developed a "lazy eye" at the age of around 30 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amblyopia).
So no, he's not the best looking. In fact, it is still a mystery how he met my mother and how she managed to retain such a beautiful woman (I may dislike my mother, but I won't deny her beauty when she was young and [still] intelligent). Anything else? His father was a psychologist and his mother was a nurse, both worked until they couldn't even drive a car and even then, they held their duties and appointments at home. His mother was catholic and thought the stock market was the devil and his father was Jewish.
It seems like plenty of info, plenty to say, but yet... it feels like nothing. It feels like it creates zero distinction of him as a person. Why don't I just ask him, you say? Sure, I could, but it's just something never talked about, never of interest nor of attention. He's not outspoken about himself. When I think of my father, it just becomes a void of ideas. A contradiction of values I assumed he had. He says he's Jewish and the last name Cohen, sure helps, but he doesn't do anything in the Jewish religion nor are any of his values pertaining to Judaism. My mother is catholic and neither her values or moral views pertain from that religion either. However, it is pure fact that he is Jewish, perhaps for his father who loved Passover? Maybe...
I've only seen one photo of him as a young adult with an afro. It was frightening and intriguing to see him without his toiled salt and peppered hair. Him smiling with his still crooked and blackened teeth and his skin riddled with blotches of scarring and those two lazy eyes. Yes, the idea that my father is not the most attractive man is of great possibility, yet when you see my mother, you wonder what he offered that was so enticing as a person. His degree in cardiology? No, my mother is a medical secretary and previously, she was in the high advertising business until she quit because apparently at her job, they were demeaning towards women and asked for sexual favors (this was back in the 70s)
So far, all we know is that he is a quiet man. Firm on his stance in religion, but never doing anything to emphasize his religion.
What does he like to do? No one knows. Not even I know. He likes to play video games and be ahead on technology, but it feels like the roles have switched. I used to go to him to install the latest Star Wars game on the MSDOS, but now, he comes to me for help even though I know less than him. He doesn't play any games unless it is with his boys (hardly spends time with the girls [we're 4 children] because they're not interested in visiting, they're more in touch with their mother, this was established when my parents were together and always separated the boys with the father, while the girls went with their mother. My brother and I would be dragged to the hospital to socialize with elder nurses who either had kids of their own or wanted kids while my sisters most likely stayed at home). My father apparently is a superb writer, while I haven't seen his work, my own accomplishments at my schools in writing could be a good indicative. However my mother is equally a good writer. My father loves photography as well, but so does my mother and she has the equipment. Here are some photos he took in Switzerland:
*None of the people in those photos are of my family, I believe they're friends of my father's mother.
I find them to be gorgeous, eye-opening and lovely. Nothing original of artistically profound, but still gorgeous nonetheless.
So is this we all can establish? Firm on his stance in religion, but never doing anything to emphasize his religion. Loves to write apparently and photography (maybe an indicative as to why my mother and father fell in love?)
Still doesn't tell him much as a person. This is just a layer of a person you can easily depict from one's profile online or after a good 20-minute chit-chat on the elevator, trudging through those tiresome work days of redundancy and repetition. My father loves his job and one should if they went to school for half of their life to do it.
This is all I can think of about him. When I think of my father, I think of him as a father. A parent who only wants to teach you well, feed you and support you in all your endeavors. My father never taught me to tie my shoes and hardly taught me to ride a bike. The dangers of the internet? Only once did he inquire back when AOL was hotter than the sun and I was chatting in chatrooms and I clicked on a link that said: "Click here to get Pokemon Green" (this was back when Red and Blue were the shit and rumors of additional pokemon such as Pikablue (Marril) were circulating). My father shut my computer down, knelt on the traditional knee and told me not to click suspicious links. That's it. I see my father as someone who's firm and it seems all these characteristics derive from pure memories. What memory is "firm" from? I had a toy train set that I used to abuse, meaning I would manually push the train when they were on batteries and ran automatically, deterring their quality and my father said not do it. I did it again and he grabbed me and inquired, knowing full well the answer, if I just did it. I lied. I would always lie and the reason for this still remains in the shadows. He slapped me across the cheek and merely mentioned not to ever lie.
When I look outside, I wonder if what I am thinking, writing or enjoying is of his interests passed to me, forced through the hikes he'd obligate take me on. Even on my birthday, he made me hike through the rain of Switzerland's great mountains. I'd moan and complain, but he'd still remain optimistic, perhaps the effect of those motivational tapes he'd make us listen to when we drove from Montreal to Jersey (now he resides in North Carolina). Maybe his optimism is what he did and forced us to do. Read this paper of compliments in front of the mirror, a good 300 words and we'd have to recite it for several years. I dreaded it more than I dreaded brushing my teeth or being forced to shower. Yet... he always tried to impose his tastes onto us, not forcibly, but he pushed for us to enjoy other things in life. He introduced us to video-games with the CD-I, but he wanted to introduce us to a world beyond the electronic one. One that had swirling clouds, bristling cool wind and the freshness of dew upon leaves and grass hazing the plains and moutain sides. He loved the world around us and I, as a child, immaturely and selfishly squandered those moments with him. I wasted so many moments where we could have spent time together. While I try to make do with the time he comes, it is a pale comparison to the times I had with him, but wasted. This is the regret and vendetta I feel when I play video-games, hindering my enjoyment, but when he comes over for those two weeks, I know what he'll want to do in terms of activities.
Are fathers not meant to be people? Not meant to possess feelings beyond pride, disappointment or fear of their children? Is describing my father an unattainable and needless curiosity I've suppressed for so long? Perhaps and perhaps not. I don't think I'll ever ask my father to talk about him, but purely revere him as a totem of support, understanding and presence?
I may be alone here and perhaps I have some psychological issues, but I always felt my father was a mystery never to be unraveled, but just stared at, like modern and contemporary art. My father was a tool, an instrument to my upbringing, a trumpet I would stare at, ignoring how it strutted its call, but admiring how it'd lift me in spirits and matured me like fresh fruit peeling from the clutches of the endearing tree.
This leads me to my conclusion...
Are fathers meant to be obscure as people, but idolized when we are children? Tell me about your father, tell me how he used to treat you, cared and tended for you. This reminded me of a poem I adore:
Those Winter Sundays
Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueback cold
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked in fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.
I'd wake and hear the cold splinering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he'd call
and slowly I would rise and dress
fearing the chronic angers of the house,
Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well
What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices
There are a lot of things I know of my father during the rough times of my parent's marriage, things I wish I didn't know and I omit them from first-thought memory. But even when in consideration, they don't tell me anything. When my father gets sad, his nose grows red. When he gets angry, he start to spit and drool a bit wildly in the mouth. You very rarely see both, you very rarely see him as he now lives alone with two houses (he bought one before selling the other one) supporting four children and their education in exchange for nothing. He can only afford seeing us once a year and last year he couldn't come.
No one ever thanked him.
What do I know of love's austere? What do I know of my father?
 
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My dad was a coke dealer, was in and out of jail when I was young, mother left him and he would promise to come see me on the weekends but rarely did. When I grew up a bit I went to live with him due to bad relations with my mom and after I moved in he went missing in 2002, never to be heard from since and declared dead to have his assets divided.
Don't take your parents for granted. This is a general statement and in no way shape or form is a summation of my reading of this blog, please do not assume this statement is implied toward torte de lini, it is a general statement. Sorry for the miscommunication and misunderstanding. I will be more clear in the future
Here is a link to his missing persons report
and edit: not trying to derail the OP just telling a little bit about my dad.
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On March 25 2011 06:18 TadH wrote:
My dad was a coke dealer, was in and out of jail when I was young, mother left him and he would promise to come see me on the weekends but rarely did. When I grew up a bit I went to live with him due to bad relations with my mom and after I moved in he went missing in 2002, never to be heard from since and declared dead to have his assets divided.
Don't take your parents for granted.
What are you talking about? That isn't even remotely near the subject of this topic.
If your summation of your post is about taking parents for granted, I suggest you just start your own blog please.
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Just thought I'd share. You did ask for me to tell you about my father, so I did.
Calm down I'm not trying to steal your thunder.
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On March 25 2011 06:21 TadH wrote:
Just thought I'd share. You did ask for me to tell you about my father, so I did.
Calm down I'm not trying to steal your thunder.
No, I understand that. I did ask for that.
I didn't ask for a misinterpretation on your part. What does "Don't take your parents for granted" pertain to exactly? I don't see the relevance. That I don't understand, not a question of being offended.
Editing out the post doesn't work if I quoted you.
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On March 25 2011 06:24 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On March 25 2011 06:21 TadH wrote:
Just thought I'd share. You did ask for me to tell you about my father, so I did.
Calm down I'm not trying to steal your thunder. No, I understand that. I did ask for that. I didn't ask for a misinterpretation on your part. What does "Don't take your parents for granted" pertain to exactly? I don't see the relevance.
It pertains to my specific situation? I wasn't trying to highlight it as a main summation of your post. It's more personal experience.
Did I say "My interpretation of this blog is to not take your parents for granted"? No. It came after a statement I made of my own father.
Even if it were, I can interpret it any way I choose to. Who are you to go and tell me to make my own blog simply because my interpretation may or may not be wrong.
jeeeeeeeeZ
Edit: LOL at making a statement and then blocking me from the blog so I cannot respond. 
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I'm not going to inquire anymore after this, but why would tell me to not take my parents for granted, when there isn't a single indication of such a concept in this entire entry (from my interpretation or my intention, I was pretty sure what I wanted when I laid this out).
Interpret it how you want, I want people to read my thoughts and contribute, I just have the idea that you conceived a notion based on partial reading.
Don't act entitled please.
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Maybe he was just giving a tip to everyone, "don't take your parents for granted". In which case I would say it's a pretty good life tip.
He probably didn't even read your blog, I sure didn't, too fucking long. VERY nice pictures though 5 star
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Mm... I actually agree with that. Perhaps I took it more personally than intended.
In terms of how it is relevant, he was probably referring to this part:
Even on my birthday, he made me hike through the rain of Switzerland's great mountains. I'd moan and complain, but he'd still remain optimistic, perhaps the effect of those motivational tapes he'd make us listen to when we drove from Montreal to Jersey (now he resides in North Carolina). Maybe his optimism is what he did and forced us to do. Read this paper of compliments in front of the mirror, a good 300 words and we'd have to recite it for several years. I dreaded it more than I dreaded brushing my teeth or being forced to shower. Yet... he always tried to impose his tastes onto us, not forcibly, but he pushed for us to enjoy other things in life. He introduced us to video-games with the CD-I, but he wanted to introduce us to a world beyond the electronic one. One that had swirling clouds, bristling cool wind and the freshness of dew upon leaves and grass hazing the plains and moutain sides. He loved the world around us and I, as a child, immaturely and selfishly squandered those moments with him. I wasted so many moments where we could have spent time together. While I try to make do with the time he comes, it is a pale comparison to the times I had with him, but wasted. This is the regret and vendetta I feel when I play video-games, hindering my enjoyment, but when he comes over for those two weeks, I know what he'll want to do in terms of activities.
Makes a lot of sense.
I blocked him from communication because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. If you want to inquire, feel free to private message him.
Don't take your parents for granted. This is a general statement and in no way shape or form is a summation of my reading of this blog, please do not assume this statement is implied toward torte de lini, it is a general statement. Sorry for the miscommunication and misunderstanding. I will be more clear in the future
He edited it again, things are more clear now. I'm sorry TADH, I'll unignore you. I was scared things would escalate that would deter the point of the entry.
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So I found this blog kind of cryptic so I just wanted to make sure, this is basically you trying to describe your father in terms of who he is, his biography. In the end you don't really know? I don't see how TADH response was inappropriate because what you know becomes how you feel about a person.
What exactly is the purpose or the thesis? I got "I don't really know who my father is, even when I think of the past and the stories, they tell me very little". But I may be far off. If this was the case then TADH's response did seem appropriate
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On March 25 2011 08:41 adeezy wrote:
"I don't really know who my father is, even when I think of the past and the stories, they tell me very little".
To be honest this is what I took from it.
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On March 25 2011 08:41 adeezy wrote:
So I found this blog kind of cryptic so I just wanted to make sure, this is basically you trying to describe your father in terms of who he is, his biography. In the end you don't really know? I don't see how TADH response was inappropriate because what you know becomes how you feel about a person.
What exactly is the purpose or the thesis? I got "I don't really know who my father is, even when I think of the past and the stories, they tell me very little". But I may be far off. If this was the case then TADH's response did seem appropriate
It's been settled and I already stated everything. I'm not going to reiterate.
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So was the thesis right? lol
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To say it is would be simplifying the point.
To say it isn't would be an assumption I'm dramatizing something that may be normal.
I would say that overall, I see my father as a father, a parental figure with many characteristics from his parenting, but to wonder who he is as a person, and not by the duties that tie him to these qualities I've grown up with, is something difficult, yet... it's never dawned as something troublesome nor an issue.
I don't know my father beyond these spectacles of parenting and I wonder if I am alone in this or not. Does everyone know their father as a person: his values, morals, upbringing, etc?
Hopefully that'll help readers get a sense of my direction.
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First up this is going to be off topic...
Welcome back Torte, when I saw another blog I was expecting a follow up to your ban one...Oh well. To be fair this one was a little too serious for me, but thanks for the effort.
Oh and please don't get banned again, you're way too much fun to waste your time on idiots :-P
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On March 25 2011 09:44 Probulous wrote:
First up this is going to be off topic...
Welcome back Torte, when I saw another blog I was expecting a follow up to your ban one...Oh well. To be fair this one was a little too serious for me, but thanks for the effort.
Oh and please don't get banned again, you're way too much fun to waste your time on idiots :-P
Thanks, yeah. I knew everyone was going to be expecting a comedic topic, but I wanted to go back to how my blogs were first started, which was via more personal issues.
Secondly, I've toned everything about me down, I've been getting teased a lot and it's bothered me to the point of becoming less attached or interested in the forums. So I'm looking at contributing either through TLPD or just entirely withdrawing from TL.net entirely.
Anyways, I appreciate your compliments.
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Vatican City State2594 Posts
On March 25 2011 06:27 TadH wrote:Show nested quote +On March 25 2011 06:24 Torte de Lini wrote:On March 25 2011 06:21 TadH wrote:
Just thought I'd share. You did ask for me to tell you about my father, so I did.
Calm down I'm not trying to steal your thunder. No, I understand that. I did ask for that. I didn't ask for a misinterpretation on your part. What does "Don't take your parents for granted" pertain to exactly? I don't see the relevance. It pertains to my specific situation? I wasn't trying to highlight it as a main summation of your post. It's more personal experience. Did I say "My interpretation of this blog is to not take your parents for granted"? No. It came after a statement I made of my own father. Even if it were, I can interpret it any way I choose to. Who are you to go and tell me to make my own blog simply because my interpretation may or may not be wrong. jeeeeeeeeZ Edit: LOL at making a statement and then blocking me from the blog so I cannot respond.
Rofl... Did you expect anything else?
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On March 25 2011 10:15 Murderotica wrote:Show nested quote +On March 25 2011 06:27 TadH wrote:On March 25 2011 06:24 Torte de Lini wrote:On March 25 2011 06:21 TadH wrote:
Just thought I'd share. You did ask for me to tell you about my father, so I did.
Calm down I'm not trying to steal your thunder. No, I understand that. I did ask for that. I didn't ask for a misinterpretation on your part. What does "Don't take your parents for granted" pertain to exactly? I don't see the relevance. It pertains to my specific situation? I wasn't trying to highlight it as a main summation of your post. It's more personal experience. Did I say "My interpretation of this blog is to not take your parents for granted"? No. It came after a statement I made of my own father. Even if it were, I can interpret it any way I choose to. Who are you to go and tell me to make my own blog simply because my interpretation may or may not be wrong. jeeeeeeeeZ Edit: LOL at making a statement and then blocking me from the blog so I cannot respond. Rofl... Did you expect anything else?
i saw the title and the huge amount of text, so i assumed this was going to be a wonderful blog. But it just ended up being quite the opposite as far as responses so far have gone.
Good advice though tadH. I often take moments just to appreciate some of the things I take for granted. Like if I get a cold and then go into realizing I take not having a cold for granted I go onto all the great things. It's like the most humble form of happiness, so pure
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Yeah, I'm trying to steer it back on the issue and less on the mishap/misunderstanding. Won't talk about what transpired over p.ms, but it was equally aggressive on his part even with my retraction and apology.
Can someone just tell me about their father in-depth or give their views on the entry?
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I know my father's upbringing was with comic books and the old T.V. and all the old stuff. He has told me tons of stories about his upbringing. He told me his father told him about the war he participated in (I forgot which) right before his father died.
He told me that his company (he works for a magazine on doctors, health, etc.) got forced to merge into a bigger one with the head boss being some guy that is just a plain old bully to everyone. At work everything is kept secret unless you hear it from someone up high. Decisions on things like the magazine cover being changed or not putting an article in are kept on a "need to know but if that one guy over there doesn't tell you it's your fault and if you complain guess who is going to get lade off?" basis. Overall, he hates the boss that runs the company. However the boss just above him is awesome and she brings cakes and bagels and all sorts of things to work along with just overall being awesome. Some times he brings some food home  .
My father also hates twitter and face book. He plays only really classic video games (Pac Man is on his computer) and is great at drawing. He also designed quite a few pieces of merchandise on Printfection.com. So, yeah I know a good amount about my Dad and am pretty close with him. I know he used to own a dog. However, no parents ever talks about how they met/got married/etc. anymore  . Seems like once you get to the 30s you stop talking about it =/.
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On March 25 2011 11:01 3FFA wrote:I know my father's upbringing was with comic books and the old T.V. and all the old stuff. He has told me tons of stories about his upbringing. He told me his father told him about the war he participated in (I forgot which) right before his father died. He told me that his company (he works for a magazine on doctors, health, etc.) got forced to merge into a bigger one with the head boss being some guy that is just a plain old bully to everyone. At work everything is kept secret unless you hear it from someone up high. Decisions on things like the magazine cover being changed or not putting an article in are kept on a "need to know but if that one guy over there doesn't tell you it's your fault and if you complain guess who is going to get lade off?" basis. Overall, he hates the boss that runs the company. However the boss just above him is awesome and she brings cakes and bagels and all sorts of things to work along with just overall being awesome. Some times he brings some food home . My father also hates twitter and face book. He plays only really classic video games (Pac Man is on his computer) and is great at drawing. He also designed quite a few pieces of merchandise on Printfection.com. So, yeah I know a good amount about my Dad and am pretty close with him. I know he used to own a dog. However, no parents ever talks about how they met/got married/etc. anymore . Seems like once you get to the 30s you stop talking about it =/.
Hm, how relieving. No one talks about how they met in terms of marriage and dating, I wonder why...
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Haha never seen an OP actually derail his own thread like this. There is much anger in you.
I think trying to define your father is proving difficult because it's impossible. You can define who he is to you but that is just one fraction of who he is as a person. He was also a son, a husband, a student, a colleague, a father, and a man. He is all those things and more. Defining a person is difficult and takes a lot of the magic out of who they are. The better exercise is trying to figure out what he means to you.
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On March 25 2011 12:14 Zim23 wrote:
Haha never seen an OP actually derail his own thread like this. There is much anger in you.
I think trying to define your father is proving difficult because it's impossible. You can define who he is to you but that is just one fraction of who he is as a person. He was also a son, a husband, a student, a colleague, a father, and a man. He is all those things and more. Defining a person is difficult and takes a lot of the magic out of who they are. The better exercise is trying to figure out what he means to you.
Yeah, try not to follow in my footsteps
Thamks for the contribution
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Part of my personal portfolio webpage is including a section on biggest influences in my life - and my dad is definitely on there. I was considering writing about it, but... well... you were a total dick to someone responding on their thoughts.
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On March 25 2011 12:29 EscPlan9 wrote:
Part of my personal portfolio webpage is including a section on biggest influences in my life - and my dad is definitely on there. I was considering writing about it, but... well... you were a total dick to someone responding on their thoughts.
So you posted telling me that you're not going to post?
Really?
Life goes on whether you do or do not. But another person contributed and I wasn't "a dick"
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Vatican City State2594 Posts
You definitely took his post in the worst possible way, in my opinion. Not something to be expected from someone trying to write a thoughtful piece.
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Torte de Lini yoo need to relax it
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Yeah, I was feeling a bit testy and I misread "you" as "you, Tortellini, should not take your parents for granted" which lead to my interpretation or view that of: "Look at my father, you have nothing to complain about, don't take them for granted".
Hence why I apologized, unblocked him and tried to move forward, but it seems everyone else is more fixated on it more than the piece.
I think I'll write a new piece. This one is completely trashed by my own insecurity.
On March 25 2011 12:45 Coagulation wrote:
Torte de Lini yoo need to relax it
Noted, thanks, I think I do. I just lost like 5 games of 1v1, so it isn't helping now haha
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Vatican City State2594 Posts
It's the internet what do you expect? RAGE FLAME DRAMAAAAA
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On March 25 2011 12:48 Murderotica wrote:
It's the internet what do you expect? RAGE FLAME DRAMAAAAA
I'm trying to avoid that, but either people like to be immensely teaseful and harsh, which I can't handle or they like to be stern and stubborn.
I think I'm somewhere in-between there.
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Canada4199 Posts
Just after I turned 12 my father was diagnosed with two separate types of leukemia, requiring both radiation and chemotherapy to be done at the same time. He was given less than 2 weeks to live initially. He fought it off.
Over the next ~3 years, I watched him change from a strong, independent man to a frail man who would get winded by standing up due to the treatments. In 3 years, he went from being around 6 ft tall to 5 ft 6, he went from about 220 lbs to 90 lbs. He had roughly 70% of his skin covered in the equivalent of either 1st or 2nd degree burns due to the severity of the treatments, and because his immune system was compromised so badly, he couldn't repair the burns like a normal person would (which is already a nasty thing to deal with). He suffered through something that I wouldn't wish on any of my enemies. And he died of a severe infection just before my 15th birthday, and only a few days before my parent's 25th anniversary. Near the end, I dropped out of school to help take care of him.
The experience affected me pretty badly, and a psychologist wanted to forcefully admit me into a mental institute to deal with the effects of it if I wouldn't go voluntarily. It didn't happen.
My two sisters and my brother are all much younger than me, so they don't remember much. In fact, my brother can't even remember my dad not being sick..... I'm not sure if they're lucky or unlucky - in one way, they won't remember how much the cancer and treatment changed him since they wont' know what he was like before and compare it to what he was like after, and they won't really remember much of how bad it got at the end. On the other hand, they won't know the man who was their father before the cancer and treatments. The father I know.
I'm 22 now, and there hasn't been a single day of my life that I haven't thought of him. I could easily write 1000 pages about how he influenced my life.
When TadH said "don't take your father for granted", listen to him. He speaks the truth more than you may ever know.
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On March 25 2011 12:57 Impervious wrote:
Just after I turned 12 my father was diagnosed with two separate types of leukemia, requiring both radiation and chemotherapy to be done at the same time. He was given less than 2 weeks to live initially. He fought it off.
Over the next ~3 years, I watched him change from a strong, independent man to a frail man who would get winded by standing up due to the treatments. In 3 years, he went from being around 6 ft tall to 5 ft 6, he went from about 220 lbs to 90 lbs. He had roughly 70% of his skin covered in the equivalent of either 1st or 2nd degree burns due to the severity of the treatments, and because his immune system was compromised so badly, he couldn't repair the burns like a normal person would (which is already a nasty thing to deal with). He suffered through something that I wouldn't wish on any of my enemies. And he died of a severe infection just before my 15th birthday, and only a few days before my parent's 25th anniversary. Near the end, I dropped out of school to help take care of him.
The experience affected me pretty badly, and a psychologist wanted to forcefully admit me into a mental institute to deal with the effects of it if I wouldn't go voluntarily. It didn't happen.
My two sisters and my brother are all much younger than me, so they don't remember much. In fact, my brother can't even remember my dad not being sick..... I'm not sure if they're lucky or unlucky - in one way, they won't remember how much the cancer and treatment changed him since they wont' know what he was like before and compare it to what he was like after, and they won't really remember much of how bad it got at the end. On the other hand, they won't know the man who was their father before the cancer and treatments. The father I know.
I'm 22 now, and there hasn't been a single day of my life that I haven't thought of him. I could easily write 1000 pages about how he influenced my life.
When TadH said "don't take your father for granted", listen to him. He speaks the truth more than you may ever know.
Edit: I can't fucking read today.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It's terrible that you had to endure so much at such a young age, even worse that your siblings didn't even get to know him before the illness. It may have been physically frail, but I'm sure he had a lot to offer not by his predicament, but rather by his wisdom, thoughts and insight at such a harsh and troublesome time.
I hope you got back into school. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of a person was he before? Job, education, etc. He sounds like an incredible person.
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Canada4199 Posts
On March 25 2011 13:02 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On March 25 2011 12:57 Impervious wrote:
Just after I turned 12 my father was diagnosed with two separate types of leukemia, requiring both radiation and chemotherapy to be done at the same time. He was given less than 2 weeks to live initially. He fought it off.
Over the next ~3 years, I watched him change from a strong, independent man to a frail man who would get winded by standing up due to the treatments. In 3 years, he went from being around 6 ft tall to 5 ft 6, he went from about 220 lbs to 90 lbs. He had roughly 70% of his skin covered in the equivalent of either 1st or 2nd degree burns due to the severity of the treatments, and because his immune system was compromised so badly, he couldn't repair the burns like a normal person would (which is already a nasty thing to deal with). He suffered through something that I wouldn't wish on any of my enemies. And he died of a severe infection just before my 15th birthday, and only a few days before my parent's 25th anniversary. Near the end, I dropped out of school to help take care of him.
The experience affected me pretty badly, and a psychologist wanted to forcefully admit me into a mental institute to deal with the effects of it if I wouldn't go voluntarily. It didn't happen.
My two sisters and my brother are all much younger than me, so they don't remember much. In fact, my brother can't even remember my dad not being sick..... I'm not sure if they're lucky or unlucky - in one way, they won't remember how much the cancer and treatment changed him since they wont' know what he was like before and compare it to what he was like after, and they won't really remember much of how bad it got at the end. On the other hand, they won't know the man who was their father before the cancer and treatments. The father I know.
I'm 22 now, and there hasn't been a single day of my life that I haven't thought of him. I could easily write 1000 pages about how he influenced my life.
When TadH said "don't take your father for granted", listen to him. He speaks the truth more than you may ever know. Edit: I can't fucking read today. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It's terrible that you had to endure so much at such a young age, even worse that your siblings didn't even get to know him before the illness. It may have been physically frail, but I'm sure he had a lot to offer not by his predicament, but rather by his wisdom, thoughts and insight at such a harsh and troublesome time. I hope you got back into school. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of a person was he before? Job, education, etc. He sounds like an incredible person.
Yea, I'm in uni right now. 3rd year. I went back to school once my life settled out a bit. Got my grades up, got some good extracurricular stuff going for me, did well in football, and ended up getting 7/8 of my uni applications (the only rejection was the one school I really didn't want to go to, which was actually Waterloo lol).
As for who he was before? I'm not even sure where to start.....
He started working straight out of high school in the printing industry, even though he was colour blind. He quickly worked up into a managerial position. In his spare time, was a successful entrepreneur on more than one occasion. He still found time to be an avid fisherman and hunter, as well as a general outdoorsman and handyman. He was a highschool jock. And he was always there when anyone ever needed him. At one point, he was competing with chess grandmasters.
An interesting thing happened when I was in high school - we went to the same school, and we ended up even having the same teacher in charge of the chess club (he had just started teaching when my father was there, and was near retirement when I went). That teacher was able to easily tell that I was my father's son, and even our style of play was similar lol.
As for wisdom and insight, he shared a lot of that with me. It's also why I'll never regret dropping out of school for that year.
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As for who he was before? I'm not even sure where to start.....
That's sorta where I had trouble too when I first started writing out my father. Of course, it must be harder for you. No doubt there.
He started working straight out of high school in the printing industry, even though he was colour blind.
Get out! That's so awesome! I am envious of how much you and your father shared and were so similar with. People say I'm like my father except they only mention this when I did something wrong or terrible (my mother likes to use it a lot).
I'm really sorry for your loss, but glad to hear you still had moments together and people who knew both of you!
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Canada4199 Posts
On March 25 2011 13:57 Torte de Lini wrote:That's sorta where I had trouble too when I first started writing out my father. Of course, it must be harder for you. No doubt there. I don't see this being an easy thing for anyone to answer, tbh, regardless of the situation.
Show nested quote +
He started working straight out of high school in the printing industry, even though he was colour blind.
Get out! That's so awesome! I am envious of how much you and your father shared and were so similar with. People say I'm like my father except they only mention this when I did something wrong or terrible (my mother likes to use it a lot). I'm really sorry for your loss, but glad to hear you still had moments together and people who knew both of you!
The thing is - even though I only got to know my father for less than 15 years of my life, I know as much as I could have possibly learned about him. Yea, there are a few nagging questions that I've developed as I got older, but there was no way I could have predicted that I'd have those questions when I was 14.
At the same time - you seem to know your father, but not know him, from what I read. I'm sure you know what I mean, and I seriously suggest you find out. There is going to be a lot below the surface that you won't find otherwise.
EDIT - also, gonna add something. I know it sounds sad, and it's definitely not an ideal situation, but for every bad memory I have about my father, I have many more that will put a smile on my face.
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I have this feeling that this should have been posted on father's day. A very good read by the way.
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wait a minute.....didnt you have like only 700 posts last week torte de lini?
xD
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On March 25 2011 18:16 krok(obs) wrote:
wait a minute.....didnt you have like only 700 posts last week torte de lini?
xD
No, I'm pretty sure it was a lot higher than that :B
On March 25 2011 14:21 yellowmoe wrote:
I have this feeling that this should have been posted on father's day. A very good read by the way.
Cheers
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How long did it take you to write/edit this blog? Seems like at least a few hours
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On March 26 2011 10:27 adeezy wrote:
How long did it take you to write/edit this blog? Seems like at least a few hours
23 minutes maybe. Not an hour.
I formed the ideas in my head for a while now.
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My father is an abusive alcoholic/drug addict who I have never met. He's currently incarcerated at a small jail in Fresno, to my understanding. I don't really care to meet him, he's provided me absolutely nothing and never made any effort to be a part of my life.
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He's provided you the image of something you don't want to be.
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On March 27 2011 02:28 Torte de Lini wrote:
He's provided you the image of something you don't want to be.
Which cannot be obtained elsewhere right?
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No one said what he's providing is not overlapping. Education and the values set by your parents overlap greatly.
Your approach to responding is not appreciated.
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