EPTAnd yeah, sometimes I get emotional over stupid crap, I try to channel it, and am actively improving. Some things that really get me going are wasting my time, having poor excuses, making fun of my goals, ignoring logic, ignoring me. I’m human, and sticks, stones and words also hurt me.
Intro
-I had a group of 6 people who were good friends from high school and we’d play poker and sports together.
-I hate technology communication, and I especially hate dealing with relationship problems through technology.
-It’s been seven months since the initial incident.
Basically, I lost a large chunk of my guy friends over a single incident. It all happened in June, when I lost a lot more than a poker hand. KK preflop, some big betting between me and another guy. The flop comes, nothing higher than a ten, rainbow, I bet into the guy, he goes all in, I call, and to no surprise, AA comes up and I lose 5 dollars (tragic, haha). I’m cool with that, poker is poker, but when got me going was when they wouldn’t let me buy back in. It’s been an issue in the past, but every time people have been allowed to buy back in. This time however, everyone was strongly against it, and I thought it was unfair, mainly because of everyone’s terrible excuses. People were saying it was too late, even though it only 9:30. One guy said he had to get up at 8 to go fishing, so he couldn’t play late, which I find silly. You can’t stay up an extra hour for your friend? IDK, but other people were just flat out saying no just for the sake of it. At this point I was getting pissed off. I’ve recently had a bit short of a fuse because of personal matters at home involving my parents. So anyways, we’re arguing for an hour and I say some hurtful things and storm out for an hour. I walked back, and when we all drove home, I had started to calm down a bit, and said let’s make some rules so this shit doesn’t happen again, but everyone was just saying I was totally out of line and I needed to apologize. At that point I couldn’t apologize, because I thought we were both in the wrong. I still think that, but I know I was really overreacting.
So this is where shit gets a bit (more, I guess) juvenile. A few days later, I decide I can’t leave this situation alone forever, so I try to call people up to resolve this thing. But no one will respond to any of my texts. People are too fucking pussy, no one’s man enough to deal with problems. So I call people over to my house to discuss the whole thing, some people say okay, but in the end, no one comes. So now I’m stuck with a bunch of people trying to hide under a rock and pretend I never existed. I’ll go through each friend and we’ll find out what happened. (names have been changed).
Sam
So I was never really good friends with Sam, but we got along well enough. After the incident, he was one of the few people who would respond to my texts, and since I could get no one to meet me in person, I had to do a stupid retarded msn conversation. Sam took the opportunity to tell me what a terrible person I was. How I was a greedy bastard who got drives from people and who ate people’s food at their house, and didn’t let him sit in the front of the car. I addressed these complaints. I’ll take what people give me (my friend’s mom taught me it’s rude not to) and a lot of the time I still feel bad and say I’d rather not take anything. I’m gonna sit in the front seat a) because I call shotgun and b) because I’m a giant (EDIT: to clarify, 6 foot 5 and I often have to look down so my head isn't sticking 2 inches into the ceiling). and he’s a fucking troll. I feel bad because I don’t have a car (parents won’t even let me use theirs to practice for my graduated license, not that I have money anyways), so I often offered to pay for gas, and no one would accept my money. So he continued about how I’m such a bad person and don’t deserve any friends. I still couldn’t apologize at this point, cause he was making me so mad. I still appreciated the fact that he was actually talking to me, though. SITUATION UNRESOLVED.
In late August I get an out of the blue text, hey, wanna play bball. I go, and everyone’s there, people won’t look me in the eye, I try to bring up the issue, no one answers, we play. At the end, after being isolated for a whole summer, not a single text or a call, I say feel free to call me again when you don’t feel like ostracizing me.
What I don’t like about this guy is how he talks down to me. What happened to he without sin casting the stones? He goes and tells me how I’m terrible, and he is no one to talk. At one poker game, he lost a hand and fucking ripped the deck of cards. I’ve never seen anyone do that ever. That was fucked. And no one seems to care about that.
As a side note, he pissed me off when we went to see avatar, and once we were there, the movie started at 10:50, and he said we should just see the movie in 2d cause he had to work at the drugstore at 8:30 in the morning. WTF!!!
-you don’t see avatar in 2d. To this day I have not seen avatar, unfortunately.
-you can stay up late to see the damn movie
I get really pissed off when people won’t give up their fucking beauty sleep. I’ve gone days without sleeping, during the school year I can often only manage 5 or fewer hours of sleep, and people still complain when they don’t get a full 10 hours every fucking day. Anyways, I got super angry cause he wasted everyone’s time, and stormed out so I wouldn’t punch him in the face.
Alex
Alex and I have had an odd relationship over the last decade. He’s booksmart, but that’s where the smart ends. A few examples.
-elementary school: sitting in his room, he says brb, comes back, says turn around. I turn around, he goes AAARRRGHH, and stabs a plastic tiger with an army knife. The knife slides, he slits his finger open. Dad tells me to leave.
-high school, acts like a dick to teachers and peers, thinks he’s fucking boss. Always talking back and interrupting class, but the teachers take it because he does well in school.
-drinks during class, has liquor in a sprite bottle, thinks he’s cool, everyone knows otherwise.
-I’m leaving chemistry class, he decides it would be funny to slam dunk my head, proceeds to smash my face into a wall. I start yelling and swearing at him and teachers just shake their heads.
-drinks so much at a party, an ambulance has to come and pump his stomach.
Despite how he’s done stupid shit to me and done everything in his power to piss me off, we’ve remained some sort of friends. Now because of how he’s treated me, there have been periods where I’ve talked shit about him, and this is something about me that isn’t the best quality. If you do something to piss the fuck out of me, be it slam dunking my face or degrading me or making jokes out of the fact that I’m taking nursing, yeah, I’m gonna talk some shit about you, a lot of the time to your face, sometimes behind your back. I’m an open book, for example, I had a crush on a girl this one time, and I told EVERYONE at work about it, and when I got rejected (TT, life happens), she was embarrassed because everyone knew what she did, haha (oops : P). So anyways, he found out that I was talking shit, I’m sure he’s done the same to me at some point, and now he’s trying to act all mature, telling me how I should be acting. I know how I should be acting, I try my best but I’m not perfect. Sometimes I will do things I regret, and I do my best to avoid doing those things. I was so surprised at him lecturing me, he of all people had no right to tell me how I should act. I should tell him how to walk straight and how to not swing a golf club like a baseball bat (there I go...).
He was pissed at what I did at the poker game, but I think he realizes that he’s done enough bad shit to me to not get too offended. Still acting weird though. SOMEWHAT RESOLVED.
Marc
He was probably my best friend out of everyone and did the worst thing out of everyone, which hurt me the most. He ignored me. After the poker game, I texted him and he texted me saying he’d call on Saturday. He never called, and I texted him again, basically saying cmon, you can’t even respond to a damn text. He responds telling me to fuck off, what do I want from him, and I tell him I wanna fix the issue. I don’t get a response back. I haven’t heard from him in the last 7 months, and I’ve texted him once every couple months to see if I can get something out of him. This is someone who I’d been really good friends with all throughout high school, and through my first year of university. I’d shared with him some of my most private thoughts. I thought he could keep a secret, but it turns out he told Alex about a time I’d cried because of how shit everything was going, even when he promised he wouldn’t. Maybe we weren’t as good friends as I thought. Now I like to think of him as a good time friend, once shit gets a bit hard, we’re not friends anymore.
Now I think one of the worst things you can do to a person is ignore them. Deny their existence, your relationship with them, any impact they’ve had on your life. That’s what’s been happening to me. Apparently our friendship meant so little that the guy is able to move on with his life without talking to me at all, without trying to resolve any feelings he has. And that stings. Maybe he doesn’t want to have to deal with it, still hurts. It pisses me off. I’d rather have him go straight to my face, fuck you Eli, I hate you and never want to talk to you again, than have to deal with being ignored. UNRESOLVED
Mitchel
We’ve been pretty good friends, we have a good sports rivalry. We’d play ping pong till 3 am when his dad would tell me to GTFO. We’d play tennis, basketball, hockey, all that shit, good competitors. He took a while to warm up to me after the poker game (started talking after about 3 months), and took a personal offense to what I did. When I refused to quit after losing my money, he said I was disrespecting him. I couldn’t bend a little bit when he does lots of stuff like give me drives and food and stuff. I agreed, and said I always want to pay him back, but he says he can’t take my money. I think that’s stupid, people shouldn’t pussyfoot (thanks Eminem) around all this etiquette bullshit. If you offer me something I’ll take it, and if I wanna square the deal, you should take my offering. None of this you’re my guest crap. Anyways, I managed to apologize to him, through msn, sigh, and we’re on good speaking terms now. He still said I wouldn’t be invited to another poker game for a while, but he’d be cool to do stuff. It was hard to get him because he was trying his best to avoid the whole thing. MOSTLY RESOLVED (i think)
Nate
Another pussyfooter. Fine talking to me as long as nothing is brought up. Once that happens, he disappears. Not much to say about him. SITUATION AVOIDED
Carl
We’re good, he understands my situation and we’re still good friends. He was open to discussion and we resolved the situation like adults. SITUATION RESOLVED
Conclusion
Because this is such a mess, I am not invited to any social gatherings because some people still have problems with me. I definitely shouldn’t have gotten so angry, but shit happens and people should have been more open to resolutions. I wish this didn’t have to happen the way it did, but I don’t think there’s any point in trying to make things as they were. I’ve got to move on, find some new friends. This has been extra hard on me because I’m in a nursing program, and there are only like 5 guys in my program, and we aren’t really that close. Being around chicks all day would be nicer if there were more hotties, and even then there’s just as much social bullshit as what happened with my friends.
Anyways, what I’m getting at is that not having guy friends can be very hard, so appreciate your friends! I’ve had too many lonely nights over the last half year. The whole thing was quite a shock to me. But I’ve grown to make some good friends at work which has been really good. Fill some of that void.
So there it is. My jumbled up mess of thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head for too long. Fuck cell phones, fuck msn, fuck pussyfooting. I hope you don’t feel like you wasted your time after reading this.
Cheers
EDIT: Mitchel and Sam said there was an accumulation of little things that "pissed some people off". Unfortunately, they kept it all bottled inside, and I never really got to know the specifics. Even when I asked Mitchel, he couldn't tell me any good situations. IDK. But if you take something from this, be open in your relationships. Hiding your feelings leads to resentment and apparently it builds up into shit. Solve your problems while they're small. Choose to have a fight rather than let it go, makes life more interesting and it makes working out problems a lot easier.
