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Hello fellow TLers, I haven't made any topics here in TeamLiquid so I'm new to this so please tell me if I made a mistake about like posting this in the wrong forum, if I did then I'm sorry...
So my girlfriend has been having sleeping problems for the past few months because of nightmares, she wakes up several times in the middle of the night very scared and she cried a few times too =/ I just cant help it it breaks my heart to see her like that! I try to comfort her and tell her to think of other things before going to bed and stuff like that in hope that the nightmares would stop, they just don't! I ask her frequently what her nightmares are about and she always says she doesn't remember! one time she said she was lonely and it was dark or something... I really need help! is there any way to prevent the nightmares? I wish she knew what she was having nightmares about so I could help her and make her feel better! I just don't know what to do besides comfort her and try to get to think of things that make her happy! help me TL =<.
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Hmm if someone has a solution to this I would love to hear it. In my girlfriend's dreams I am very often either cheating on her or trolling the crap out of her.
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first of all, in blogs you can do nearly anything you want 
and secondly, i fear TL is not a substitude for doctors (in this case maybe a shrink). if this continues i'd tell her to talk to a professional.
(no offence intended!)
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I used to have this problem with nightmares a lot as well. The only thing i found that works is lucid dream which takes time to learn but allows you to control your dreams.
Here is the Wikipedia article en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucid_dream
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I think she should look into lucid dreaming, I've never tried it but I bet it would work.
One aspect of lucid dreaming is reality checks. So while you are awake you periodically check if you are dreaming by doing some kind of reality check. This will eventually carry over into dreams, and during the dream she will begin to do reality checks. But when shes having a nightmare, she will realize it and be able to deal with it!
GL!
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I know that its not a substitute for doctors, but I've been lurking these forums here for a while and there's quite a number of very intelligent people here! I'm certain there is something I could do or say... there's always a way  she hates doctors in general so I'm kind of leaving that as a last bet =/.
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Had a situation like this before, it helps to tell them to organize their thoughts of the day while they are lying in bed waiting to fall asleep.
Just tell them to think about what happened during the day and maybe think about things they want to do the next day. Try to think of things in detail, like what color was something or how loud something was but don't get too caught up in details otherwise it might bother you and not let you sleep haha.
If they run out of things to think of, then advise them to make sure their sleeping area is as comfortable as possible [ dark, quiet, kinda cold/warm ] and then focus on how good it feels as they fall asleep.
This worked for my friends.
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The best thing I can say to do is to try to relax.
I know, for example, if I go to sleep with something on my mind, I will not sleep well and I will wake feeling groggy and anxious. I also know if I sleep at a time I don't normally sleep (e.g. midday) I almost certainly will have disturbing nightmares (i.e. the kind that scare the shit out of you for days).
Is there a pattern to her dreams?
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Telling someone to "relax" is usually easier said than done. It's not easy to come out of a frightening dream and just immediately shake it off.
There's really no magic fix to prevent nightmares, you just have to kind of learn coping mechanisms I guess. Maybe she could keep a little journal on the nightstand or whatever and just write some random parts of the dream down. Later, when she goes to read how absolutely insane and ridiculous the dream was, maybe it relieve some of the anxiety that she's likely developed from having these nightmares. (ex: A dream that someone dies or some crazy shit happens, write it down, read it and realize that they are still alive and that its ridiculous to think otherwise, maybe sleep better knowing that it was just a dream)
I have had (and still sometimes have) recurring nightmares. For some reason, my coping mechanism has been to develop a sense of curiosity about the dreams, to the point where I force myself back to sleep for the sole purpose of figuring it out. I've had fairly lucid dreams for years- in my dreams, I always know I'm sleeping. They'll still scare the shit out of me from time to time and I'll wake up a sweaty mess, but being able to tell myself and confirm that a nightmare is just a dream gives me some kind of power to deal with it.
Edit: That's just how I deal with it, anyway. As I said, there's no magic fix. One of the safest bets is probably just to talk to her and comfort her while she figures out what's going on or until it wears off.
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On December 29 2010 07:53 PaPoolee wrote:
I ask her frequently what her nightmares are about and she always says she doesn't remember! one time she said she was lonely and it was dark or something... I really need help! is there any way to prevent the nightmares?
From this syndrome I think I know the exact reason why she has nightmares. Open the spoiler tag to know how to deal with it :
+ Show Spoiler +
1) Go to the nearest port
2) Buy a ticket to Fullmoon island.
3) Find Cresselia
4) Take the Lunar Wing from it
5) Use the Lunar Wing on your gf
Tested. 100% working.
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yeah, get into lucid dreaming. It's a method to get control over your dreams.
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On December 29 2010 08:12 Ack1027 wrote:
Had a situation like this before, it helps to tell them to organize their thoughts of the day while they are lying in bed waiting to fall asleep.
Just tell them to think about what happened during the day and maybe think about things they want to do the next day. Try to think of things in detail, like what color was something or how loud something was but don't get too caught up in details otherwise it might bother you and not let you sleep haha.
If they run out of things to think of, then advise them to make sure their sleeping area is as comfortable as possible [ dark, quiet, kinda cold/warm ] and then focus on how good it feels as they fall asleep.
This worked for my friends.
Thanks I'll make her focus on thinking about what happened and what she wants to do tomorrow and such, I've tried telling her to think of things that make her happy, but I'll try this too I guess! thanks for the suggestion.
On December 29 2010 08:12 LazyMacro wrote:
The best thing I can say to do is to try to relax.
I know, for example, if I go to sleep with something on my mind, I will not sleep well and I will wake feeling groggy and anxious. I also know if I sleep at a time I don't normally sleep (e.g. midday) I almost certainly will have disturbing nightmares (i.e. the kind that scare the shit out of you for days).
Is there a pattern to her dreams?
No, not really like I said in the first post she says that she doesn't remember what happens, only once she said that she was alone and it was in the dark and such =/ don't know exactly what though!.
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If it's that often maybe it has something to do with her past, something that happened to her. Talk to her about it, but maybe she doesn't want to tell you.
Maybe lucid dreaming is an answer too, like some wrote.
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On December 29 2010 08:27 kamikami wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2010 07:53 PaPoolee wrote:
I ask her frequently what her nightmares are about and she always says she doesn't remember! one time she said she was lonely and it was dark or something... I really need help! is there any way to prevent the nightmares? From this syndrome I think I know the exact reason why she has nightmares. Open the spoiler tag to know how to deal with it : + Show Spoiler +
1) Go to the nearest port
2) Buy a ticket to Fullmoon island.
3) Find Cresselia
4) Take the Lunar Wing from it
5) Use the Lunar Wing on your gf
Tested. 100% working.
I don't get it =/.
On December 29 2010 08:27 Navane wrote:
yeah, get into lucid dreaming. It's a method to get control over your dreams.
How exactly do i get into lucid dreaming? read the Wikipedia article but it didn't actually say what is the method of doing so.
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I don't know how girls deal with nightmares...I just pretend im in the Matrix or Inception or something where i can magically summon whatever I want. Controlling dreams is easier said than done, especially if it's something about relationships or people compared to, say, zombies.
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On December 29 2010 08:31 Zoler wrote:
If it's that often maybe it has something to do with her past, something that happened to her. Talk to her about it, but maybe she doesn't want to tell you.
Maybe lucid dreaming is an answer too, like some wrote.
Almost every night, I did try to talk to her about it, and I don't think she doesn't want to tell me about it because we've been together for about 5 years now and we've known each other since we were kids!.
I apologize for replying to the topic so much.
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On December 29 2010 07:58 Fontong wrote:
Hmm if someone has a solution to this I would love to hear it. In my girlfriend's dreams I am very often either cheating on her or trolling the crap out of her.
Hm, funny, in my dreams i'm usually cheating on my girlfriend.
I guess its better than actually committing the act.
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On December 29 2010 08:22 Nokarot wrote:
Telling someone to "relax" is usually easier said than done. It's not easy to come out of a frightening dream and just immediately shake it off.
There's really no magic fix to prevent nightmares, you just have to kind of learn coping mechanisms I guess. Maybe she could keep a little journal on the nightstand or whatever and just write some random parts of the dream down. Later, when she goes to read how absolutely insane and ridiculous the dream was, maybe it relieve some of the anxiety that she's likely developed from having these nightmares. (ex: A dream that someone dies or some crazy shit happens, write it down, read it and realize that they are still alive and that its ridiculous to think otherwise, maybe sleep better knowing that it was just a dream)
I have had (and still sometimes have) recurring nightmares. For some reason, my coping mechanism has been to develop a sense of curiosity about the dreams, to the point where I force myself back to sleep for the sole purpose of figuring it out. I've had fairly lucid dreams for years- in my dreams, I always know I'm sleeping. They'll still scare the shit out of me from time to time and I'll wake up a sweaty mess, but being able to tell myself and confirm that a nightmare is just a dream gives me some kind of power to deal with it.
Edit: That's just how I deal with it, anyway. As I said, there's no magic fix. One of the safest bets is probably just to talk to her and comfort her while she figures out what's going on or until it wears off.
Oh, it's a lot easier said than done.
I just mean that working at it little by little will eventually get her there. I have anxiety, so I know what it's like to be freaking out over basically nothing, and then to work to the point where the anxiety doesn't affect me on such a deep level any longer. Is it easy? No, but it can be done.
Nightmares are scary though. If there's some deeper reason why she's having them, she may need to deal with those issues. If it's just some kind of anxiety or something, that can be worked on.
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Belgium6774 Posts
I support the lucid dreaming idea. There's a lot of people who deal with nightmares this way! look into it
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For lucid dreaming, there's a machine (I think it's called the NOVA) that emits beeps when it detects you've entered REM and helps you control dreams, but personally, here's what I've gotten from various professionals I've talked to (this is secondhand, so I may be off)
You will remember in your sleep more emotion-related crap than thought-related crap. If you've been stressed about your parents arguing at each other or at you, it is almost certain at least one of them will appear in your dreams. So try finding what's going on with her life right now, and try and stimulate more positive emotions.
This sounds kinda bland, but if you can resolve the problems upon detecting em, and possibly making her feel really happy in her subconscious, that should solve the problem.
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If she's feeling lonely in her sleep, lie closer to her. Easy fix and you both will benefit from it.
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Real advice: Contact a professional.
Sugestion:I read this a few months ago.
http://www.livescience.com/culture/video-games-control-dreams-100525.html
(you can search other articles on the same subject)
Basically it says that gamers usually tend to have less nightmares because they have an certain degree of control over their dreams than non gamers. With that 'control' a gamer when in a bad dream can manipulate the events occuring to his own gain.
Example: you are strolling in a graveyard (^^) and suddendly zombies come out of the ground to eat your brains!!! What do you do?? They are advancing towards you but wait! Are you happy to see me or do you have something in your pocket?? You reach your pocket out and KA-BLAM!! a chainsaw come out and you start to kill the all the zombies!! Indeed it's a beautiful day to stroll in a graveyard!
I don't know if your gf plays games nor I'm a doctor with qualification but I think she can try to play some games that make her react to some events (i.e. action games) and maybe (just maybe) she can develop some better subconscious defences. Now I advice you to see a professional.
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On December 29 2010 08:56 EdSlyB wrote:Real advice: Contact a professional.Sugestion:I read this a few months ago. http://www.livescience.com/culture/video-games-control-dreams-100525.html(you can search other articles on the same subject) Basically it says that gamers usually tend to have less nightmares because they have an certain degree of control over their dreams than non gamers. With that 'control' a gamer when in a bad dream can manipulate the events occuring to his own gain. Example: you are strolling in a graveyard (^^) and suddendly zombies come out of the ground to eat your brains!!! What do you do?? They are advancing towards you but wait! Are you happy to see me or do you have something in your pocket?? You reach your pocket out and KA-BLAM!! a chainsaw come out and you start to kill the all the zombies!! Indeed it's a beautiful day to stroll in a graveyard! I don't know if your gf plays games nor I'm a doctor with qualification but I think she can try to play some games that make her react to some events (i.e. action games) and maybe (just maybe) she can develop some better subconscious defences. Now I advice you to see a professional.
Indeed. Personally, this actually somewhat helps me, because in dream mode, I don't exercise the self-control I do in life. Like a few months ago I had a dream about my school, and some guy came up to me, started shoving me around, and I just whipped out a revolver I conveniently had in my pocket and -BAM!- (this was the point where I unlocked the revolver in Half Life 2 the day before)
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I tell people to look into meditation more often than I probably should, but honestly, knowing how to meditate is helpful for nightmares. The big thing you learn from meditating that helps with nightmares is how to live in the exact moment of the present. So whenever I have an extremely horrific nightmare, I wake up, stare at something for a few seconds and ground myself in reality by focusing on just the present moment. It's like meditating for 10-20 seconds before closing my eyes to go back to sleep.
It's hard to shake the dream initially, but if you are able to come to the present quickly, it can be pretty easy to go back to sleep. If you want some places to go for guided meditations, I recommend evernewjoy dot net. From there, look on the right sidebar for "rama radio" and sign up for the passwords. Or you can just go to this link
http://evernewjoy.net/?page_id=78
and type
beautyistruth
liberationisnow
for the passwords.
This guy has a really soothing voice and he is actually very intelligent and knows a lot about meditating on specific energy centers of the body. I think I have a lot less stress on days that I meditate, so if you can get her to start meditating, I think the reduced stress will prevent most nightmares. GoodLuck!~
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On December 29 2010 09:12 hp.Shell wrote:
I tell people to look into meditation more often than I probably should, but honestly, knowing how to meditate is helpful for nightmares. The big thing you learn from meditating that helps with nightmares is how to live in the exact moment of the present. So whenever I have an extremely horrific nightmare, I wake up, stare at something for a few seconds and ground myself in reality by focusing on just the present moment. It's like meditating for 10-20 seconds before closing my eyes to go back to sleep.
As a Buddhist, I support this advice. While I have never experienced nightmares to a degree that they've affected me in any significant way, Buddhist meditation is a method for experiencing the truth and fundamental profundity of existence as is. While it takes a long time to reach the point where you completely stop placing value judgments on things, meditation can help get you started out, which may be enough to help her situation. I recommend doing some brief research into the practices of Zen Buddhism. Don't follow the Buddhist practices too closely though (well not unless you really want to!), as meditation can be quite lengthy for an experienced practitioner (I sometimes find 2-3 hours have passed when I am finished). As Shell explained, 10-20 seconds can be all you need, since it's likely all you'll need to do is enter a more calmed state. Pay special attention to the breathing and stretching exercises.
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This probably won't solve it completely or work all the time but get her to sleep lying on her stomach or on her side. Laying on your back increases the changes of sleep paralysis and dreams greatly.
Also if she gets the same dreams regularly e.g. you trolling on her or cheating on her she's probably thinking throughout the day about these things and this is the subconscious letting it all out. So perhaps you both should discuss your relationship together and see if she does have any of these fears of your relationship going wrong and such from there you can sort the underlying fears and things playing on her mind. Maybe shes bottling stuff up inside and this is it expressing itself in the open.
Hope this helps.
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Like several people have mentioned, try to get her into lucid dreaming. I know a lot of people with recurring nightmares have dealt with it this way. Just think about it, if you know you're dreaming, there's absolutely nothing to fear.
Obviously, it's not an instant cure as it'll take some practice, but at least in my experience, it's not that hard. You can find a lot of information on Dreamviews, the site itself and the forums. There are plenty of methods out there, but I recommend taking a look into DILD and MILD as they're both good methods that don't involve any changes in sleep schedule.
Somewhat off-topic: For anyone not familiar with lucid dreaming, you're missing out on a lot, really!
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On December 29 2010 09:00 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2010 08:56 EdSlyB wrote:Real advice: Contact a professional.Sugestion:I read this a few months ago. http://www.livescience.com/culture/video-games-control-dreams-100525.html(you can search other articles on the same subject) Basically it says that gamers usually tend to have less nightmares because they have an certain degree of control over their dreams than non gamers. With that 'control' a gamer when in a bad dream can manipulate the events occuring to his own gain. Example: you are strolling in a graveyard (^^) and suddendly zombies come out of the ground to eat your brains!!! What do you do?? They are advancing towards you but wait! Are you happy to see me or do you have something in your pocket?? You reach your pocket out and KA-BLAM!! a chainsaw come out and you start to kill the all the zombies!! Indeed it's a beautiful day to stroll in a graveyard! I don't know if your gf plays games nor I'm a doctor with qualification but I think she can try to play some games that make her react to some events (i.e. action games) and maybe (just maybe) she can develop some better subconscious defences. Now I advice you to see a professional. Indeed. Personally, this actually somewhat helps me, because in dream mode, I don't exercise the self-control I do in life. Like a few months ago I had a dream about my school, and some guy came up to me, started shoving me around, and I just whipped out a revolver I conveniently had in my pocket and -BAM!- (this was the point where I unlocked the revolver in Half Life 2 the day before)
Fine ambassador work! I salute you!
![[image loading]](http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:-m8qA_iW6wfC_M:http://spacedust.atspace.com/kitten_cuddle.jpg&t=1)
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I used to have nightmares pretty frequently but then I started thinking about good things about the day and stuff that had happened and that helped me, but I don't really know how helpful that is for real.
Trying lucid dreaming seems like a good solution.
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On December 29 2010 11:13 evanthebouncy! wrote:Show nested quote +On December 29 2010 09:00 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:On December 29 2010 08:56 EdSlyB wrote:Real advice: Contact a professional.Sugestion:I read this a few months ago. http://www.livescience.com/culture/video-games-control-dreams-100525.html(you can search other articles on the same subject) Basically it says that gamers usually tend to have less nightmares because they have an certain degree of control over their dreams than non gamers. With that 'control' a gamer when in a bad dream can manipulate the events occuring to his own gain. Example: you are strolling in a graveyard (^^) and suddendly zombies come out of the ground to eat your brains!!! What do you do?? They are advancing towards you but wait! Are you happy to see me or do you have something in your pocket?? You reach your pocket out and KA-BLAM!! a chainsaw come out and you start to kill the all the zombies!! Indeed it's a beautiful day to stroll in a graveyard! I don't know if your gf plays games nor I'm a doctor with qualification but I think she can try to play some games that make her react to some events (i.e. action games) and maybe (just maybe) she can develop some better subconscious defences. Now I advice you to see a professional. Indeed. Personally, this actually somewhat helps me, because in dream mode, I don't exercise the self-control I do in life. Like a few months ago I had a dream about my school, and some guy came up to me, started shoving me around, and I just whipped out a revolver I conveniently had in my pocket and -BAM!- (this was the point where I unlocked the revolver in Half Life 2 the day before) Fine ambassador work! I salute you!
Ah yes, the great game of TF2. But no, it was just a .357 magnum.
On topic, nightmares come in many different shapes. Mine always end up giving me wood. My ex's always ended up involving a church. Talk to your gf and try to piece things together.
AND DO CONSIDER THE MEDITATION. THAT CRAP WORKS.
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What is it? I only saw #30 so far
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I might be able to help. I used to be a mental health hospital coreman for the navy.
It all depends.
If it's a physiological problem or if she's parasomnic she probably just needs a regular sleeping schedule. I see this alot with other people in the military, since we have such odd working hours we tend not to sleep so much and if we do, we do it at odd times so there are some side effects. If shes an insomniac, or if she's afraid to sleep it could be inducing her to have longer slow-phase sleep, some over-the-counter meds can induce sleep quickly, nyquil, sleep2, things like that will reduce your chances of having nightmares because they make your brain speed through the phase of slow-wave sleep, which is where dreams occur.
Secondly, and most likely, if it's psychological - someone just passed away, she got in a car accident, got robbed, etc are obvious - but even if it's something like she just got a ticket, failed a test, or you two got into a fight can be the problem. People who are slightly parasomnic are more prevalent to these kinds of problems, so stressful situations can cause some of your neurotransmitters, like serotonin, which are normally stopped during REM sleep to start, which results in your motor systems to go slightly haywire, which makes your thalmus realize something is wrong, resulting in nightmares or night terrors.
I don't reccomend sleeping pills, just normal sleep. Sleeping pills can be highly addictive, dangerous and can damage your thalmus to the point where you won't be able to sleep without them. I have no idea how old you are, but I'm assuming you're fairly young. Stop talking on facebook and the phone all night, and have your girlfriend go to sleep somewhere between 8 and 9 every night for a week. If that doesn't help, tell her to talk to her physician.
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On December 29 2010 08:56 EdSlyB wrote:Real advice: Contact a professional.Sugestion:I read this a few months ago. http://www.livescience.com/culture/video-games-control-dreams-100525.html(you can search other articles on the same subject) Basically it says that gamers usually tend to have less nightmares because they have an certain degree of control over their dreams than non gamers. With that 'control' a gamer when in a bad dream can manipulate the events occuring to his own gain. Example: you are strolling in a graveyard (^^) and suddendly zombies come out of the ground to eat your brains!!! What do you do?? They are advancing towards you but wait! Are you happy to see me or do you have something in your pocket?? You reach your pocket out and KA-BLAM!! a chainsaw come out and you start to kill the all the zombies!! Indeed it's a beautiful day to stroll in a graveyard! I don't know if your gf plays games nor I'm a doctor with qualification but I think she can try to play some games that make her react to some events (i.e. action games) and maybe (just maybe) she can develop some better subconscious defences. Now I advice you to see a professional.
that's really interesting because my friends (who game) have discussed having multiple dreams like this or ones where you can wake yourself up when you realize its just a dream or just lucid dreaming. Non gamer friends don't really relate as much to this.
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Girlfriends seem to be getting ever more popular for starting certain "problem" threads. Look at all the 2+2 "Help, Full Tilt banned my girlfriend saying she is a bot" action in the past weeks/months
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On December 29 2010 18:07 50bani wrote:
Girlfriends seem to be getting ever more popular for starting certain "problem" threads. Look at all the 2+2 "Help, Full Tilt banned my girlfriend saying she is a bot" action in the past weeks/months
Because TL is a safe haven where people expect their gf's not to go to? IDK, but they've always been around.
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Just wanted to share this and make an extra comment on this thread instead of making an entirely-too-lengthy blog post about it.
I felt I was coming down with a fever a few days ago. You know, the aches that shouldn't be there, warm/hot forehead, dehydration, runny nose, liquids go through you instead of helping you, etc. The weird thing was it seemed to hit me like a sack of bricks. At 2:00pm or so I felt fine, then at 3:00pm I physically felt horrible, with all these symptoms added. Then I realized I hadn't meditated for a few months, so being the type of person that believes it works, I googled "chakra common cold" and I came up with this link.
http://factoidz.com/chakra-healing-curing-the-common-cold/
It is quite a lengthy meditation, but I felt like trying it out on myself, so I went to bed at 11:00pm and laid down to meditate. I didn't do all of the steps exactly, but I did the general steps in my head. I kept drifting in and out of sleep, so it took me about an hour. When I was done I got a drink of water and I was feeling great. I've never gotten over a fever that quickly. I wonder if it was the specific meditation that helped, or if I have more experience meditating than I give myself credit for. Either way, the results speak for themselves.
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EPT
