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Take micro's advice. Mine's gonna be the same. Talk to someone about it. Go to the doc's.
I had a very similar problem revolving around an inferiority complex, and I was very very reluctant to go in and talk about it. Mind you, I take eight medications for mental health issues so it wasn't because I was like "oh shit people are gonna know I'm depressed I can't tell anyone". It was more...it felt like it added to my failure, or my expectations of myself (or what I thought other people expected of me).
Find a doctor, talk to them about depression. The first time I went in to talk to someone about it, they gave me a little sheet of paper that was a bunch of questions. Rate 1-5, yes/no, etc. That sheet, at least in my area, covers all sorts of mental health goodies, so they can tell if it's depression / anxiety, it gives them somewhere to start. It sounds a little bit like depression/anxiety which is very common.
Don't think of it as "something is wrong with me" either, if they do diagnose you with anything. It's obvious you know where your life stands, and the great things you've done and will do. Instead of "something is wrong with me" it should be "I'm allowing myself to appreciate all the great things around me" ...or you'll go to a doctor and they'll just say you need to build up some confidence and give you a therapist to go and set an appointment with at your leisure. You really can't be at a disadvantage talking about it!
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Never thought I'd say this, but stop playing Starcraft so much. 80 percent of the time, when a person is feeling bad or inadequate for seemingly no reason, it means they need A: Exercise and B: Sun. You obviously get some good exercise, but your body might be telling you it needs to be outside some more. Forget about your rank and find something fun to do outside, like fishing or just running.
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Most of my friends who have finished college don't know much about their degrees field and most did't even get work related to their degrees. They are all doing fine. Spend a little less time at the gym and do some yoga or some shit to calm your ass down, no one knows what they want to do when they finish. Take some time off get a shitty job save some money and travel for a few months then just work one thing out at a time when you get home.
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Its all just about perspective. Think of how many people high in government are actually qualified for their positions? How many people have simply bought their way into success without knowing jack shit other than daddy has money?
You aren't a giant slab of dick are you? Then all will work out in the end. Be good to people, and the world will show you kindness with time. It also seems like you're made some real improvements to your condition! I wish I could even lift over 100 lbs >.<
And of course you said it yourself, you're pretty fucking lucky dude. You went to college, got to go to parties and have a fun life (maybe? sure hope you've had some fun atleast) You're not some kid in Africa with no food, no parents and no future.
Even if you aren't a massive success, people still enjoy your company no? People would be sad if you were to leave.
Oh, almost forgot. The best advice ever. Go smoke a bowl outside away from EVERYTHING. Like a place where if you do a 360, you don't see a single road/house.
That will fix your head right up.
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Canada13407 Posts
I'm with micronesia, its not a bad thing to see a counsellor in fact they can often help you to examine your accomplishments objectively in order to improve your outlook on life. Its really just someone to talk to since thats the best thing to do is talk it out
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This sounds more than just a confidence issue. It's already been suggested by getting therapy would be a good start.
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Confess yourself (your conscience & worries) toward God, regardless of you are a believer or not. There is nothing bad that can come from it, rather the opposite.
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Keep in mind that a college degree teaches you so little in the grand scheme of engineering despite the fact that it is a hard degree to pick up.
You proved you could GET an engineering degree, which is what prospective hirers want. They know they need to fill you in. Source: My engineering dad and my engineering classes which sure as hell aren't covering the stuff he does on a daily basis.
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On December 12 2010 16:14 `Zapdos wrote:
Find a hobby that makes you happy like playing music! It will get your mind off of it, and no video games don't count, should generally be something thats done by yourself or at least isn't competetive. Will take a lot of the stress away.
quoted for truth. really this is the only advice so far that will help.
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Some good advice here.
Truth is, I've worked a while in the tech industry and run into a lot of computer "programmers" who can't do shit. I'm not saying you are one of them, but it's common because a lot of software engineers and developers are in it for the work opportunities/degree, not because they are total geeks who began programming when they were twelve. And how do they cope? By focusing on the "soft" skills like managing expectations, being personable and easy to work with, or even sucking up to the boss, because it keeps them in their job.
You will find something because you want to...right?
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On December 12 2010 15:26 AppleTart wrote:
First off, dude you are not a failure so stop being a baby.
Secondly, I chuckled when you are talking about your buffness and then mentioned your SC2 rating haha.
you never ever ever EVER tell a depressed person to stfu and suck it up
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One advice I'd give you is to find a RL person you can share your thoughts and problems with. A talk with a complete stranger make work as well - it's easier to share something really troubling over a beer with a random guy you have never seen and probably won't see in the future.
Secondly from my experience, after school a lot of shit things has happened in my life, including daily work torments that in the end made me stronger than I was before. Now I'm not really looking back, or hoping for the future. But I'm not feeling so lost at the same time and have more confidence in everyday life.
I guess having good people around you makes the time worthwhile.
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On December 12 2010 15:27 Rudiment wrote:Show nested quote +On December 12 2010 15:22 konadora wrote:
you just need more confidence. you've got something to look forward to, that's a really good thing and doesn't come very often. I don't know where confidence is supposed to come from. I've worked hard to get where I am but I still feel empty.
You don't need confidence, just the awareness that everyone else thinks the same damn thing in their head. Go out and relish the mediocrity. Seriously. And find another job if you don't like software engineering. Absolutely nothing wrong with hopping jobs, especially in the modern day economy. Other than that, you sound like you're having a fantastic life. It's stressful but eventually you'll pull your professional life together and figure out what direction you want to go. Just keep taking care of the other aspects of your life while figuring that out. Don't let it drag you down and ruin the good shit you have. That'll make things worse.
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All unhappiness comes from comparison. Regarding programming, if you can actually graduate, you're probably better than 99% of people - what you're comparing yourself to (perhaps subconciously?) is the people who have had 20 years of experience in programming: take up a project, develop a game and sell it on Steam (Steamworks allows you to sell any indie game on Steam and you get 100% of the profits); what do you have to lose, if you're always going to have a roof over your head? Even if the game doesn't sell much, it'll still boost your confidence (it'll prove to yourself that you CAN program), as long as you have the perseverence to finish it.
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go to rsdnation dot com forum. you will learn everything you need to know about confidence.
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I can't code for shit either... I hope I will be able to once I graduate and will just rely a lot on forums like that reddit link someone mentioned said to do.
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On December 12 2010 15:57 eLiE wrote:
Don't feel too bad about not being good at programming. School's often not very good at teaching useful things anyways. They have a word for it, reality shock, when you go from school to the real world and realize you don't know anything.
And I wouldn't play starcraft if it makes you feel that way. Play something that's easy (cough...fps). When I feel shitty, there's nothing like shooting some noob 12 year old in the face.
I'd also talk to someone about what you're feeling. Depending on where you are, doctors are free to talk to, and if you can get a referral to a psychologist/psychiatrist, they can help you to work through your problems. It doesn't mean you're crazy either, everyone goes through ups and downs.
+1
Not many people are very good coders right after school. You need to learn that on the job. You're really just at the beginning of your journey!
I know a lot of people who get down and super frustrated with themselves after a losing streak in SC2, so it's pretty normal, but if you feel that bad you might want to talk to someone else about it, like micro said, and get another opinion.
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I would say take a break and travel. Do something that you never thought you would do or learn something you never thought you would learn.
Go out and interact more with people.
Its good you have a strong competitive streak but it can also drive you to madness.
If you have younger siblings, try teaching them something. Seeing them succeed at something you taught them will make you feel much better about yourself.
If you don't have that option, try doing some charity work. The process of seeing that we are making a difference in somebody else's life, especially one less fortunate than us, gives our life meaning and correspondingly will make us happier.
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EPT
