I feel the same way sometimes. The same kind of self-loathing. Getting things which are supposed to be achievements and then not feeling good about them at all, sometimes just feeling worse.
Only thing that helps for me is to just keep going, try to improve myself in ways that I think are important (as opposed to what's supposed to be important according to our culture), and try not to entertain self-loathing thoughts when I realise I'm having them. It's always just a phase in which I realise later that I'm making things out to be a lot worse than they are, and forgetting about things which are good. I don't know if it is the same for you.
In any case, being good on paper is what will get you the job, so don't worry about that After that you'll learn the job (if you work with a company someone will teach you... If you do contract work then you will learn yourself when you need to).
Good luck good luck. I hope you feel better soon.
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My one piece of advice having suffered from anxiety and depression my entire youth and teen years, and even now occasionally, just go talk to someone, be it a social worker, a psychiatrist or psychologist, just talk to someone. Don't stuff the emotions inside, they will only get stronger. I managed to finally get my depression and anxiety under control with medication, it helped me because I had a true medical cause, a chemical imbalance that was genetic. But with therapy and meds I finally was able to break out of my shell and do what I really wanted to do, graduate college, work as a firefighter/paramedic and work on becoming a part time flight medic. Don't let the depression rule your life, give it a big ol' middle finger and do what you want.
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