EPTI woke up because one of our dogs, Poco, was making noise. It recently got stitches to repair it's foot, and it has to be an "inside dog" for 2 weeks. This is pretty rough because it's part wolf and is the type of dog that loves to run around and be wild. I assumed it needed to go pee because it was making so much noise, so I got up to take it outside to do it's business.
When I got back inside the house I couldn't go back to sleep. I was in an oddly profound mood, and I had the song "dust in the wind" stuck in my head. I just kept repeating the lyrics to myself over and over.
I got to thinking about some of my past, the things I have done. I haven't done much, which is fine by me. I am content with being a simple man. However one memory was sticking out for me. I'll get to it in a sec.
Lately I have been getting into sc2 more; I have both been watching it a lot and playing it a lot. I took a 3 month hiatus so I have a lot of room for improvement. Not many people know this but I am actually on team liquid, I have been for like 7 years. This leads to me constantly getting asked about and challenged about my name. "I haven't heard of you". "Man you suck, you're not team liquid".
I used to be a pretty good bw player. Once I actually motivated myself to improve I became probably top 3 in the USA for when I was in my prime, and was capable of playing on a level where I could beat anyone, save maybe some korean zergs. I had some aspirations of being a pro gamer, in the back of my mind. BW was really the only thing I cared much about in my life at the time.
In the summer of 2003 I decided to go to wcg usa. First there was prelims in Bellevue. Actually they were prelim-prelims. I don't really know what the point was. But there were about 20 people there and I smashed everyone, I didn't lose a game. I beat proxa 2-0 in the finals.
2 Months later the real prelims happened, and I was more ready than ever to kick ass. The winner of this prelims would get a new computer and a trip to the USA finals. It should have been a breeze. However, on literally the day that the tournament happened I had started taking ADD medication - adderall. For some reason I didn't even consider that this might change how I played. I think I assumed it would make me better.
It didn't. Adderall increased my focus to where I didn't play like myself. I sat there thinking about one thing for too long, or I would grab some units and overly micro them. I wasn't everywhere at once like I normally was. I ended up losing in this double elimination tournament to 2 very inferior players. Proxa ended up winning, so he got the computer and went to the USA finals where he actually did pretty good(though didnt win).
I was devastated. Maybe the most disappointed I have ever been with anything.
I think this changed the direction of my life a lot. Since that point I had trouble taking BW seriously anymore, and my aspirations of "being pro" basically disappeared. Adderall ended up taking my life in a different direction, which wasn't necessarily bad. But I can't help but wonder how things might have ended up differently.
OK, I just really wanted to blog about that. Not sure why. All done now.
