• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 15:01
CEST 21:01
KST 04:01
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Serral wins HomeStory Cup 2915Serral wins Maestros of the Game 243ByuL, and the Limitations of Standard Play3Team Liquid Map Contest #22: Results and Winners7Code S Season 2 (2026): RO4 and Finals Preview12
Community News
Weekly Cups (Aug 3-9): Protoss get shut out2RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-2212Weekly Cups (July 27-Aug 2): SHIN's big week0SC4ALL II: Brood War - $2500 - Dec 5-69SC4ALL II announced - $10,000 prize pool, Dec 5-64
StarCraft 2
General
SC4ALL II: StarCraft 2 Player Announcement 5/8 Weekly Cups (Aug 3-9): Protoss get shut out SC4ALL: II Talent Announcement! Protoss AoE skill expression August World Ranking: Clem climbs to #2
Tourneys
PIG STY FESTIVAL 8.0! (13 - 23 August) Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-22 RSL Revival: Season 6 - Qualifiers and Main Event Tasteless Time Warp: SC Evo Showmatch (May 25)
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
Nexus Wars 2021 GUIDE [M] (2) Industrial Park
External Content
Mutation # 538 Media Blackout The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 537 Hostile Territory Mutation # 536 Railroad Switch
Brood War
General
ASL22 General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ BW General Discussion Are you ready for ASL 22? NEW HYPE VIDEO How FlaSh Nearly Forfeited MSL Finals being late
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues 2v2v2v2 Tournament KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3 Escore Tournament - Season 3
Strategy
Fighting Spirit mining rates Odyssey Mineral Stack Saturation Any training maps people recommend? Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread General RTS Discussion Thread EVE Corporation Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Diablo 2 thread
Dota 2
Looking for a Dota Mentor Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
[TL LoL EUW IHs] Teemo shall perish TSM pausing esports and CLG Dead
Heroes of the Storm
Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Power Rank TL Mafia Community Thread NeO.D_StephenKing vs This Guy From 1 Million Dance
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Iain M Banks Says He Has Cancer And Months To Live The Letting Off Steam Thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
MarineLorD Fan Club The ShoWTimE Fan Club The herO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! Anime Discussion Thread Series you have seen recently... [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books
Sports
Football (Soccer) Thread NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 Formula 1 Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread Simple Questions Simple Answers FPS when play League Of Legend on laptop
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Northern Ireland Global Starcraft
Blogs
Are High-Level Gamers more A…
TrAiDoS
Cathedral Of CS And NY pizza a…
FuDDx
Please support my new stand…
Peanutsc
Hello guys!
LIN1s
ASL S22 English Commentary…
namkraft
Poker (part 2)
Nebuchad
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 8851 users

[Fiction]Steady

Blogs > Cedstick
Post a Reply
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-05 06:25:08
September 03 2010 09:49 GMT
#1
I've been quite pensive lately, and wanted to start writing again. At the same time, I discovered an amazing new artist, Apparat, who's song You Don't Know Me, paired with Takagi Masakatsu's Watch the World, inspired this scenario. I may expand upon it, but for now, this is what I have. For reference I've included both songs. Ideally, the protagonist is listening to Apparat's song.

+ Show Spoiler [Apparat - You Don't Know Me] +

+ Show Spoiler [Takagi Masakatsu - Watch the World] +


Feedback greatly appreciated!


Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge. Tunnel vision had set in and his music player drowned the cries outside, but all the better as he limped through the cliffside corridor. The song was urgent, his pace was urgent, his wounds were urgent, but he breathed steady.

She slumped, finally and expected, pulling him down under his right shoulder, his left arm moving fast and guiding her gently as consciousness took from her. He would have to carry her the rest of the way. He held his torn side; he sighed, but he did not waver. His music was fast becoming accompanied by other sounds -- he could not rest. Deceptively slender in form, his tall, lithe frame took her over his broad shoulder. Pain was there like a ghost, somewhere, apparent and not. All he knew was it was there. He grunted as he rose, as if he was expected to, as if his body was screaming. He couldn't tell. Something must still be right, as he was moving down the corridor again.

He thumbed his player's volume up before clutching his side -- he could hear them; too loud. The short ridge-line tunnel ended as his own tunnel guided him out in to a too-bright daylight, a light ignoring the overcast and southern smoke at his back, mocking him, giving him hope, depressing him. He breathed steady, his feet plodding to the bass in his ear, a pulsing beat he had to match. He moved to the song, somber violins warning him to maintain. The ridge emplacements were a fallacy; the hills about him would be swarming, his only defense behind him, that corridor the sole safe exit from the chaos behind.

He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause. It would prove a distraction to those in pursuit, and time on his side, he thought numbly. Everything was numb and cold, the humid mid-Summer day sweltering around him. A ghost much less ethereal was taking him, his vision blurring, alien sounds behind him, but he tread on, his breathing steady.

Finally he had reached his destination, had come around the bend to stare at a small, cylindrical railcar, full of eyes, eyes that found him immediately as he continued his limp down to them. Eyes empty and lost, eyes weak and hopeless, eyes old and young -- oh, the eyes of the young. He suddenly felt himself again, ragged and mortal and despairing, a piano pleading to him, violins crying, his chest heaving. The pulse had left him, the violins all that guided him down the slope to the packed vessel.

Then he was there, at the car, a shorter man standing imposingly tall above him, and he realized he'd fallen to a knee. He looked up, in to the man's eyes, the only response a stern, stone face. Somewhere behind those eyes he saw empathy. He looked to her, now in his arms, and smiled solemnly. A glockenspiel echoed sadly, understandingly, and he nodded. His eyes met the man again, begging him to look to the girl. An eternity passed before he realized the man was already down to his knee as well, lifting her gently.

All limbs sore, sweat dripping from his dark brown hair, plastered and framing perfectly his face, he rose, with and against the violins. He shut them off. Wired buds left his ears, his player left his pocket, grasped firmly in his fist. He touched the man's shoulder, stopping him, turning him slightly, and brought his fist to the girl's coat, dropping the bundle in a pocket. Then they were gone, three meters that felt ten thousand away, and soon would be.

He turned to the west and looked down to the inlet, sun streaks shining off it's surface, then to the clouds, rays of light breaking through like hope. He looked north, to her destination, to the untouched trees, the ridges and mountain lines tall and strong and bold, ignorant of any invasion. He turned north to east, to south, slowly taking his surroundings in, inhaling the almost crisp air, clean yet of any smoke and defying the Summer's heat. He stopped and looked south, at black, brown and red streaming over the hills, dark figures closing on him as the packed shuttle took to the north, speeding along it's tracks. He looked to his arm and flexed, tightening his grasp, a pulse found again, the song playing in his head. He reached forward, arm extending, side ripping with pain. It was all a blur in a tunnel, but all the better. He closed his eyes and focused. His breath was steady.


*****
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
rockon1215
Profile Joined May 2009
United States612 Posts
September 03 2010 10:31 GMT
#2
Not bad

Not bad at all
Flash v Jaedong The finals that is ALWAYS meant to be
Zocat
Profile Joined April 2010
Germany2229 Posts
September 03 2010 23:53 GMT
#3
Really liked it

Seems like an intro to a bigger story.
"Who is that guy" "who is that girl?" "what conflict?" "oh he is going to die - so he doesnt seem to be the main character" "wonder what happens when she awakes".

But as I said to you in IRC already:
I imagined a faster song than the 2 you mentioned
Ethic
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada439 Posts
September 05 2010 06:26 GMT
#4
Blogs are super cool. I should start a blog.
SC2 ID: Ethic.791 - 1v1 DIAMOND - SHILOH UPSILON
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4014 Posts
September 05 2010 11:18 GMT
#5
It's quite good but I just couldn't get into it...

It felt as though there were an awful lot of cliches in there, and that harmed my enjoyment of it, sadly.
Moderator@SirJolt
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
September 06 2010 07:28 GMT
#6
Thanks for the input, guys. Except Platypus... I mean, if you five-starred my blog, thumbs-up, man, but, uhh... yea, I guess blogs are super cool, and you should start one.

SirJolt, could you pick out some cliches (if you re-read this thread,) or did you just mean the style in general? I felt like it was aaaaaaalmost cheesy in that it felt kind of cliche in style or theme, but to me it passed. I'd love if you could specify
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4014 Posts
September 11 2010 12:14 GMT
#7
Hey, sorry to get back to this so late. I'm not sure quite what it was that threw me on it, but the biggest was the theme/style combo, I think.

An opening sentence always has a lot to do; it sets tone and introduces the reader to your style. The only problem is that it's hard to set up anything with this kind of subject matter without it seeming cheesy or a little contrived,

"Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge."

Similarly,

"He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause."

As you said, it skirt the cheese-line throughout, but for me it just about crosses it a few times, and I couldn't really get into it as a result. It's not poorly written, I have a feeling I'd enjoy something you'd written on a more day-to-day subject
Moderator@SirJolt
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 4h 59m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
UpATreeSC 142
ProTech101
BRAT_OK 99
MindelVK 33
JuggernautJason13
EmSc Tv 1
StarCraft: Brood War
Sexy 19
Dota 2
qojqva2530
XcaliburYe67
Counter-Strike
fl0m1852
pashabiceps1034
shoxiejesuss122
Super Smash Bros
C9.Mang0143
Mew2King102
Heroes of the Storm
Liquid`Hasu300
Other Games
Grubby1907
FrodaN1683
Beastyqt761
ceh9513
uThermal137
White-Ra111
QueenE69
Trikslyr59
mouzStarbuck51
Organizations
Other Games
BasetradeTV112
StarCraft 2
EmSc Tv 1
EmSc2Tv 1
[ Show 14 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Reevou 6
• intothetv
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• Pr0nogo 3
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• WagamamaTV652
League of Legends
• Shiphtur1048
Counter-Strike
• Nemesis1350
Other Games
• Scarra8
Upcoming Events
PiGosaur Cup
4h 59m
Replay Cast
13h 59m
Kung Fu Cup
15h 59m
Replay Cast
1d 4h
The PondCast
1d 14h
OSC
1d 17h
Replay Cast
2 days
Escore
2 days
CranKy Ducklings
3 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
4 days
[ Show More ]
OSC
5 days
Afreeca Starleague
5 days
Rush vs Hm
Bisu vs Shuttle
WardiTV Weekly
5 days
The Patches Monday
5 days
Afreeca Starleague
6 days
Sharp vs Shinee
Action vs Shine
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-08-10
CranK Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League
Eternal Conflict S2 Finale

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3
K-JUNGMAN
Acropolis #5
RSL Revival: Season 6
Esports World Cup 2026: LCQ
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S3: W7
CSLAN 4
ASL Season 22
Escore Tournament S3: W8
Acropolis #5 - TRS
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Acropolis #5 - GSA
HSC XXX
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Offline Finals
PiG Sty Festival 8.0
Big Dog Cup 2026 Div 1
META DYMY #4
PGL Masters Bucharest 2026
Thunderpick World Champ.
ESL Pro League Season 24
Stake Ranked Episode 4
Logitech G Connect 2026
SL StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #5
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.