• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 20:12
CEST 02:12
KST 09:12
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL22] Ro24 Preview: Siren's Call8[ASL22] Ro24 Preview: Summer's End9Serral wins HomeStory Cup 2915Serral wins Maestros of the Game 244ByuL, and the Limitations of Standard Play3
Community News
Official StarCraft website teases new content ahead of BlizzCon?65Stellar Fest TWO the Moon (Dec 16-20)8Weekly Cups (August 24-30): Patches' balance mod takes over3New 3v3 BGH Ladder (and more) on ShieldBattery!40Weekly Cups (August 17-23): Zerg dominate the week6
StarCraft 2
General
SC4ALL: II Winner Will Earn a Spot at HSC 30! Nexon wins bid to develop StarCraft IP content, distribute Overwatch mobile game Weekly Cups (August 24-30): Patches' balance mod takes over Balance hotfix patch 5.0.16b (July 16) September World Ranking: herO leads, Serral climbs
Tourneys
IntoTheTV X SOOP SC2 League : Weekly & Monthly SC2 INu's Battles#20 [BO.9] 2026 GSTL Announcement Stellar Fest TWO the Moon (Dec 16-20) PIG STY FESTIVAL 8.0! (13 - 23 August)
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
Nexus Wars 2021 GUIDE [M] (2) Industrial Park
External Content
Mutation # 541 Binary Choice The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 540 Dodge This Mutation # 539 Thunder Dome
Brood War
General
Official StarCraft website teases new content ahead of BlizzCon? BW General Discussion ASL22 General Discussion [Personal Project Share] Terran Defense v0.60 BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/
Tourneys
KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3 Brood War in Budapest ! WORTEX 2026 BW Finals [Megathread] Daily Proleagues BSL LAN Party - Kraków 29-30 August - OPEN SIGNUPS
Strategy
Replay Review Process - What do you do? Game Theory for Starcraft Odyssey Mineral Stack Saturation Fighting Spirit mining rates
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Diablo IV EVE Corporation [Maplestory Hardcore] Let's Play~!! General RTS Discussion Thread
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
[TL LoL EUW IHs] Teemo shall perish TSM pausing esports and CLG Dead
Heroes of the Storm
Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Power Rank TL Mafia Community Thread NeO.D_StephenKing vs This Guy From 1 Million Dance
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Canadian Politics Mega-thread Artificial Intelligence Thread UK Politics Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
MarineLorD Fan Club The Creator Fan Club The ShoWTimE Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! Anime Discussion Thread
Sports
Football (Soccer) Thread TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 MLB/Baseball 2023 NBA General Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Northern Ireland Global Starcraft
Blogs
Dreaming of BW patches (mod…
c3rberUs
Regacy Esports: The Bh…
regacyesports
Violent Games and Crime Rate…
TrAiDoS
LOCKPICKING NOOB
LUCKY_NOOB
Cathedral Of CS And NY pizza a…
FuDDx
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 5131 users

[Fiction]Steady

Blogs > Cedstick
Post a Reply
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-05 06:25:08
September 03 2010 09:49 GMT
#1
I've been quite pensive lately, and wanted to start writing again. At the same time, I discovered an amazing new artist, Apparat, who's song You Don't Know Me, paired with Takagi Masakatsu's Watch the World, inspired this scenario. I may expand upon it, but for now, this is what I have. For reference I've included both songs. Ideally, the protagonist is listening to Apparat's song.

+ Show Spoiler [Apparat - You Don't Know Me] +

+ Show Spoiler [Takagi Masakatsu - Watch the World] +


Feedback greatly appreciated!


Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge. Tunnel vision had set in and his music player drowned the cries outside, but all the better as he limped through the cliffside corridor. The song was urgent, his pace was urgent, his wounds were urgent, but he breathed steady.

She slumped, finally and expected, pulling him down under his right shoulder, his left arm moving fast and guiding her gently as consciousness took from her. He would have to carry her the rest of the way. He held his torn side; he sighed, but he did not waver. His music was fast becoming accompanied by other sounds -- he could not rest. Deceptively slender in form, his tall, lithe frame took her over his broad shoulder. Pain was there like a ghost, somewhere, apparent and not. All he knew was it was there. He grunted as he rose, as if he was expected to, as if his body was screaming. He couldn't tell. Something must still be right, as he was moving down the corridor again.

He thumbed his player's volume up before clutching his side -- he could hear them; too loud. The short ridge-line tunnel ended as his own tunnel guided him out in to a too-bright daylight, a light ignoring the overcast and southern smoke at his back, mocking him, giving him hope, depressing him. He breathed steady, his feet plodding to the bass in his ear, a pulsing beat he had to match. He moved to the song, somber violins warning him to maintain. The ridge emplacements were a fallacy; the hills about him would be swarming, his only defense behind him, that corridor the sole safe exit from the chaos behind.

He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause. It would prove a distraction to those in pursuit, and time on his side, he thought numbly. Everything was numb and cold, the humid mid-Summer day sweltering around him. A ghost much less ethereal was taking him, his vision blurring, alien sounds behind him, but he tread on, his breathing steady.

Finally he had reached his destination, had come around the bend to stare at a small, cylindrical railcar, full of eyes, eyes that found him immediately as he continued his limp down to them. Eyes empty and lost, eyes weak and hopeless, eyes old and young -- oh, the eyes of the young. He suddenly felt himself again, ragged and mortal and despairing, a piano pleading to him, violins crying, his chest heaving. The pulse had left him, the violins all that guided him down the slope to the packed vessel.

Then he was there, at the car, a shorter man standing imposingly tall above him, and he realized he'd fallen to a knee. He looked up, in to the man's eyes, the only response a stern, stone face. Somewhere behind those eyes he saw empathy. He looked to her, now in his arms, and smiled solemnly. A glockenspiel echoed sadly, understandingly, and he nodded. His eyes met the man again, begging him to look to the girl. An eternity passed before he realized the man was already down to his knee as well, lifting her gently.

All limbs sore, sweat dripping from his dark brown hair, plastered and framing perfectly his face, he rose, with and against the violins. He shut them off. Wired buds left his ears, his player left his pocket, grasped firmly in his fist. He touched the man's shoulder, stopping him, turning him slightly, and brought his fist to the girl's coat, dropping the bundle in a pocket. Then they were gone, three meters that felt ten thousand away, and soon would be.

He turned to the west and looked down to the inlet, sun streaks shining off it's surface, then to the clouds, rays of light breaking through like hope. He looked north, to her destination, to the untouched trees, the ridges and mountain lines tall and strong and bold, ignorant of any invasion. He turned north to east, to south, slowly taking his surroundings in, inhaling the almost crisp air, clean yet of any smoke and defying the Summer's heat. He stopped and looked south, at black, brown and red streaming over the hills, dark figures closing on him as the packed shuttle took to the north, speeding along it's tracks. He looked to his arm and flexed, tightening his grasp, a pulse found again, the song playing in his head. He reached forward, arm extending, side ripping with pain. It was all a blur in a tunnel, but all the better. He closed his eyes and focused. His breath was steady.


*****
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
rockon1215
Profile Joined May 2009
United States612 Posts
September 03 2010 10:31 GMT
#2
Not bad

Not bad at all
Flash v Jaedong The finals that is ALWAYS meant to be
Zocat
Profile Joined April 2010
Germany2229 Posts
September 03 2010 23:53 GMT
#3
Really liked it

Seems like an intro to a bigger story.
"Who is that guy" "who is that girl?" "what conflict?" "oh he is going to die - so he doesnt seem to be the main character" "wonder what happens when she awakes".

But as I said to you in IRC already:
I imagined a faster song than the 2 you mentioned
Ethic
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada439 Posts
September 05 2010 06:26 GMT
#4
Blogs are super cool. I should start a blog.
SC2 ID: Ethic.791 - 1v1 DIAMOND - SHILOH UPSILON
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4015 Posts
September 05 2010 11:18 GMT
#5
It's quite good but I just couldn't get into it...

It felt as though there were an awful lot of cliches in there, and that harmed my enjoyment of it, sadly.
Moderator@SirJolt
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
September 06 2010 07:28 GMT
#6
Thanks for the input, guys. Except Platypus... I mean, if you five-starred my blog, thumbs-up, man, but, uhh... yea, I guess blogs are super cool, and you should start one.

SirJolt, could you pick out some cliches (if you re-read this thread,) or did you just mean the style in general? I felt like it was aaaaaaalmost cheesy in that it felt kind of cliche in style or theme, but to me it passed. I'd love if you could specify
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4015 Posts
September 11 2010 12:14 GMT
#7
Hey, sorry to get back to this so late. I'm not sure quite what it was that threw me on it, but the biggest was the theme/style combo, I think.

An opening sentence always has a lot to do; it sets tone and introduces the reader to your style. The only problem is that it's hard to set up anything with this kind of subject matter without it seeming cheesy or a little contrived,

"Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge."

Similarly,

"He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause."

As you said, it skirt the cheese-line throughout, but for me it just about crosses it a few times, and I couldn't really get into it as a result. It's not poorly written, I have a feeling I'd enjoy something you'd written on a more day-to-day subject
Moderator@SirJolt
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Replay Cast
00:00
Enki Epic Series #10
Rogue vs Cure
CranKy Ducklings13
Liquipedia
The PiG Daily
22:35
GSTL Replay Cast
BASILISK vs Onsyde Gaming
PiGStarcraft441
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
PiGStarcraft441
ProTech151
NeuroSwarm 119
JuggernautJason49
StarCraft: Brood War
Britney 12029
White-Ra 131
Hyuk 61
Dota 2
capcasts181
League of Legends
Doublelift4123
JimRising 296
Counter-Strike
minikerr38
Super Smash Bros
hungrybox483
Mew2King113
Other Games
summit1g4720
Day[9].tv691
C9.Mang0271
WinterStarcraft165
XaKoH 159
KnowMe84
ViBE61
Trikslyr50
PPMD26
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick1900
[ Show 13 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• CranKy Ducklings SOOP15
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• RayReign 1
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• masondota22315
Other Games
• imaqtpie845
• Day9tv691
Upcoming Events
Replay Cast
48m
Big Brain Bouts
9h 48m
Garitos vs ArT
Lambo vs Percival
TriGGeR vs ByuN
Sparkling Tuna Cup
1d 9h
OSC
1d 11h
Shopify Rebellion Sundays
1d 14h
Mixu vs TBD
Spirit vs TBD
Clem vs TBD
Patches Events
1d 15h
OSC
1d 23h
Afreeca Starleague
2 days
Soma vs Shuttle
BeSt vs Rush
WardiTV Weekly
2 days
Afreeca Starleague
3 days
Leta vs ggaemo
Jaedong vs Queen
[ Show More ]
GSL
3 days
PiGosaur Cup
3 days
Kung Fu Cup
4 days
Replay Cast
4 days
The PondCast
5 days
KCM Race Survival
5 days
Escore
6 days
IntoTheTV X SOOP
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-09-02
PiG Sty Festival 8.0
Light Tournament 2026

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3
K-JUNGMAN
ASL Season 22
Super Anchor Qualifying S3
CSL 2026 AUTUMN (S22)
Acropolis #5
Acropolis #5 - TRS
RSL Revival: Season 6
Calamity Invitational
Big Dog Cup 2026 Div 1
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026
Esports World Cup 2026: LCQ
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S3: King of Kings
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Acropolis #5 - GSA
Acropolis #5 - GSB
Acropolis #5 - GSC
SC4ALL II: Brood War
HSC XXX
Stellar Fest 2: Lunar Cup
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Offline Finals
BLAST Rivals Fall 2026
IEM Beijing 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 5
PGL Masters Bucharest 2026
1win Private Club #2
Thunderpick World Champ. '26
ESL Pro League Season 24
Stake Ranked Episode 4
1win Private Club #1
Logitech G Play Connect 2026
SL StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #3
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.