• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EST 11:22
CET 17:22
KST 01:22
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
RSL Revival - 2025 Season Finals Preview8RSL Season 3 - Playoffs Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups C & D Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups A & B Preview2TL.net Map Contest #21: Winners12
Community News
Weekly Cups (Dec 29-Jan 4): Protoss rolls, 2v2 returns5[BSL21] Non-Korean Championship - Starts Jan 103SC2 All-Star Invitational: Jan 17-1822Weekly Cups (Dec 22-28): Classic & MaxPax win, Percival surprises3Weekly Cups (Dec 15-21): Classic wins big, MaxPax & Clem take weeklies3
StarCraft 2
General
Weekly Cups (Dec 29-Jan 4): Protoss rolls, 2v2 returns SC2 All-Star Invitational: Jan 17-18 Weekly Cups (Dec 22-28): Classic & MaxPax win, Percival surprises Chinese SC2 server to reopen; live all-star event in Hangzhou Starcraft 2 Zerg Coach
Tourneys
SC2 AI Tournament 2026 WardiTV Winter Cup OSC Season 13 World Championship uThermal 2v2 Circuit WardiTV Mondays
Strategy
Simple Questions Simple Answers
Custom Maps
Map Editor closed ?
External Content
Mutation # 507 Well Trained Mutation # 506 Warp Zone Mutation # 505 Rise From Ashes Mutation # 504 Retribution
Brood War
General
StarCraft & BroodWar Campaign Speedrun Quest BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ I would like to say something about StarCraft Data analysis on 70 million replays Empty tournaments section on Liquipedia
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL21] Grand Finals - Sunday 21:00 CET [BSL21] Non-Korean Championship - Starts Jan 10 SLON Grand Finals – Season 2
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Game Theory for Starcraft Current Meta [G] How to get started on ladder as a new Z player
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread General RTS Discussion Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Awesome Games Done Quick 2026! Should offensive tower rushing be viable in RTS games?
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Vanilla Mini Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas Survivor II: The Amazon Sengoku Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Trading/Investing Thread The Big Programming Thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
White-Ra Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List TL+ Announced
Blogs
How do archons sleep?
8882
Psychological Factors That D…
TrAiDoS
James Bond movies ranking - pa…
Topin
StarCraft improvement
iopq
GOAT of Goats list
BisuDagger
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1051 users

[Fiction]Steady

Blogs > Cedstick
Post a Reply
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-05 06:25:08
September 03 2010 09:49 GMT
#1
I've been quite pensive lately, and wanted to start writing again. At the same time, I discovered an amazing new artist, Apparat, who's song You Don't Know Me, paired with Takagi Masakatsu's Watch the World, inspired this scenario. I may expand upon it, but for now, this is what I have. For reference I've included both songs. Ideally, the protagonist is listening to Apparat's song.

+ Show Spoiler [Apparat - You Don't Know Me] +

+ Show Spoiler [Takagi Masakatsu - Watch the World] +


Feedback greatly appreciated!


Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge. Tunnel vision had set in and his music player drowned the cries outside, but all the better as he limped through the cliffside corridor. The song was urgent, his pace was urgent, his wounds were urgent, but he breathed steady.

She slumped, finally and expected, pulling him down under his right shoulder, his left arm moving fast and guiding her gently as consciousness took from her. He would have to carry her the rest of the way. He held his torn side; he sighed, but he did not waver. His music was fast becoming accompanied by other sounds -- he could not rest. Deceptively slender in form, his tall, lithe frame took her over his broad shoulder. Pain was there like a ghost, somewhere, apparent and not. All he knew was it was there. He grunted as he rose, as if he was expected to, as if his body was screaming. He couldn't tell. Something must still be right, as he was moving down the corridor again.

He thumbed his player's volume up before clutching his side -- he could hear them; too loud. The short ridge-line tunnel ended as his own tunnel guided him out in to a too-bright daylight, a light ignoring the overcast and southern smoke at his back, mocking him, giving him hope, depressing him. He breathed steady, his feet plodding to the bass in his ear, a pulsing beat he had to match. He moved to the song, somber violins warning him to maintain. The ridge emplacements were a fallacy; the hills about him would be swarming, his only defense behind him, that corridor the sole safe exit from the chaos behind.

He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause. It would prove a distraction to those in pursuit, and time on his side, he thought numbly. Everything was numb and cold, the humid mid-Summer day sweltering around him. A ghost much less ethereal was taking him, his vision blurring, alien sounds behind him, but he tread on, his breathing steady.

Finally he had reached his destination, had come around the bend to stare at a small, cylindrical railcar, full of eyes, eyes that found him immediately as he continued his limp down to them. Eyes empty and lost, eyes weak and hopeless, eyes old and young -- oh, the eyes of the young. He suddenly felt himself again, ragged and mortal and despairing, a piano pleading to him, violins crying, his chest heaving. The pulse had left him, the violins all that guided him down the slope to the packed vessel.

Then he was there, at the car, a shorter man standing imposingly tall above him, and he realized he'd fallen to a knee. He looked up, in to the man's eyes, the only response a stern, stone face. Somewhere behind those eyes he saw empathy. He looked to her, now in his arms, and smiled solemnly. A glockenspiel echoed sadly, understandingly, and he nodded. His eyes met the man again, begging him to look to the girl. An eternity passed before he realized the man was already down to his knee as well, lifting her gently.

All limbs sore, sweat dripping from his dark brown hair, plastered and framing perfectly his face, he rose, with and against the violins. He shut them off. Wired buds left his ears, his player left his pocket, grasped firmly in his fist. He touched the man's shoulder, stopping him, turning him slightly, and brought his fist to the girl's coat, dropping the bundle in a pocket. Then they were gone, three meters that felt ten thousand away, and soon would be.

He turned to the west and looked down to the inlet, sun streaks shining off it's surface, then to the clouds, rays of light breaking through like hope. He looked north, to her destination, to the untouched trees, the ridges and mountain lines tall and strong and bold, ignorant of any invasion. He turned north to east, to south, slowly taking his surroundings in, inhaling the almost crisp air, clean yet of any smoke and defying the Summer's heat. He stopped and looked south, at black, brown and red streaming over the hills, dark figures closing on him as the packed shuttle took to the north, speeding along it's tracks. He looked to his arm and flexed, tightening his grasp, a pulse found again, the song playing in his head. He reached forward, arm extending, side ripping with pain. It was all a blur in a tunnel, but all the better. He closed his eyes and focused. His breath was steady.


*****
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
rockon1215
Profile Joined May 2009
United States612 Posts
September 03 2010 10:31 GMT
#2
Not bad

Not bad at all
Flash v Jaedong The finals that is ALWAYS meant to be
Zocat
Profile Joined April 2010
Germany2229 Posts
September 03 2010 23:53 GMT
#3
Really liked it

Seems like an intro to a bigger story.
"Who is that guy" "who is that girl?" "what conflict?" "oh he is going to die - so he doesnt seem to be the main character" "wonder what happens when she awakes".

But as I said to you in IRC already:
I imagined a faster song than the 2 you mentioned
Ethic
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada439 Posts
September 05 2010 06:26 GMT
#4
Blogs are super cool. I should start a blog.
SC2 ID: Ethic.791 - 1v1 DIAMOND - SHILOH UPSILON
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4010 Posts
September 05 2010 11:18 GMT
#5
It's quite good but I just couldn't get into it...

It felt as though there were an awful lot of cliches in there, and that harmed my enjoyment of it, sadly.
Moderator@SirJolt
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
September 06 2010 07:28 GMT
#6
Thanks for the input, guys. Except Platypus... I mean, if you five-starred my blog, thumbs-up, man, but, uhh... yea, I guess blogs are super cool, and you should start one.

SirJolt, could you pick out some cliches (if you re-read this thread,) or did you just mean the style in general? I felt like it was aaaaaaalmost cheesy in that it felt kind of cliche in style or theme, but to me it passed. I'd love if you could specify
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4010 Posts
September 11 2010 12:14 GMT
#7
Hey, sorry to get back to this so late. I'm not sure quite what it was that threw me on it, but the biggest was the theme/style combo, I think.

An opening sentence always has a lot to do; it sets tone and introduces the reader to your style. The only problem is that it's hard to set up anything with this kind of subject matter without it seeming cheesy or a little contrived,

"Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge."

Similarly,

"He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause."

As you said, it skirt the cheese-line throughout, but for me it just about crosses it a few times, and I couldn't really get into it as a result. It's not poorly written, I have a feeling I'd enjoy something you'd written on a more day-to-day subject
Moderator@SirJolt
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
OSC
12:00
Season 13 World Championship
Shameless vs KrystianerLIVE!
WardiTV1240
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
SKillous 99
TKL 95
BRAT_OK 71
MindelVK 26
StarCraft: Brood War
Britney 46834
Jaedong 2494
Horang2 1511
Shuttle 1060
Larva 864
Stork 752
EffOrt 669
ZerO 453
BeSt 337
Snow 330
[ Show more ]
Leta 189
Rush 188
Barracks 181
Mong 140
Hyun 137
Hyuk 125
Sharp 123
sorry 85
Mind 69
soO 44
Terrorterran 40
JYJ 25
Shine 24
Sacsri 24
Yoon 21
Sexy 19
HiyA 17
910 16
scan(afreeca) 13
Rock 8
Dota 2
syndereN595
febbydoto30
League of Legends
C9.Mang0610
Counter-Strike
oskar119
Other Games
Gorgc3381
singsing2163
Liquid`RaSZi1579
Lowko451
crisheroes363
Hui .347
Fuzer 283
JimRising 250
FrodaN249
RotterdaM180
ceh9135
ArmadaUGS92
KnowMe89
XcaliburYe83
Mew2King71
Rex32
QueenE27
ZerO(Twitch)27
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick40342
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• poizon28 11
• naamasc25
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• HerbMon 1
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• lizZardDota257
Other Games
• Shiphtur161
Upcoming Events
OSC
21h 38m
SOOP
2 days
SHIN vs GuMiho
Cure vs Creator
The PondCast
2 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
3 days
IPSL
4 days
DragOn vs Sziky
Replay Cast
4 days
Wardi Open
4 days
Monday Night Weeklies
5 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-01-06
WardiTV 2025
META Madness #9

Ongoing

C-Race Season 1
IPSL Winter 2025-26
OSC Championship Season 13
eXTREMESLAND 2025
SL Budapest Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 8
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S1: W3
BSL 21 Non-Korean Championship
CSL 2025 WINTER (S19)
Acropolis #4
IPSL Spring 2026
Bellum Gens Elite Stara Zagora 2026
HSC XXVIII
Thunderfire SC2 All-star 2025
Big Gabe Cup #3
Nations Cup 2026
Underdog Cup #3
NA Kuram Kup
BLAST Open Spring 2026
ESL Pro League Season 23
ESL Pro League Season 23
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter Qual
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.