• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 22:20
CEST 04:20
KST 11:20
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Team Liquid Map Contest #22: Results and Winners7Code S Season 2 (2026): RO4 and Finals Preview12TL.net Map Contest #22 - Voting & Ladder Map Selection7Code S Season 2 (2026) - RO8 Preview8[ASL21] Finals Preview: Two Legacies21
Community News
ZeroSpace at Steam NextFest - Last free demo16Weekly Cups (June 8-14): Clem and Solar double, PTR tested0RSL: S6 Finals played at BlizzCon 202611Douyu Cup 2026: $20,000 Legends Event (June 26-28)10[BSL22] Non-Korean Championship from 13 to 28 June4
StarCraft 2
General
StarCraft II 5.0.16 PTR Patch Notes may 26th Daily SC2 Player Grid - feedback wanted J188 – Nhà Cái Cá Cược Trực Tuyến Đẳng Cấp Châu Á Code S Season 2 (2026) - RO8 Preview TL Poll: How do you feel about the 5.0.16 PTR balance changes?
Tourneys
GSL CK #4 20-21th June Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament Master Swan Open (Global Bronze-Master 2) Crank Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League Douyu Cup 2026: $20,000 Legends Event (June 26-28)
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
Work In Progress Melee Maps [D]RTS in all its shapes and glory <3
External Content
Mutation # 530 One For All The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 529 Opportunities Unleashed Mutation # 528 Infection Detected
Brood War
General
BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ Battle cruiser feet vs Carrier fleet Fact based Zerg Upgrade Tier List vespene.gg — BW replays in browser Data needed
Tourneys
CSLAN 4 is Coming! [Megathread] Daily Proleagues Small VOD Thread 2.0 The Casual Games of the Week Thread
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Relatively freeroll strategies Creating a full chart of Zerg builds Why doesn't anyone use restoration?
Other Games
General Games
Path of Exile ZeroSpace at Steam NextFest - Last free demo Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread ZeroSpace Megathread
Dota 2
Looking for a Dota Mentor Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
Vanilla Mini Mafia {D-2} Late to making 20.06.2026 memorable [p]94718
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread [H]Internet/Gaming Cafe Tips and Tricks The Games Industry And ATVI UK Politics Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
The HerO Fan Club! The herO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books [TV/BOOK] *SPOILERS* Game of Thrones Discussion
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread McBoner: A hockey love story TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 Formula 1 Discussion Cricket [SPORT]
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread Facing Challenges in Mobile App Development
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
How To Predict Tilt in Espor…
TrAiDoS
An Exploration of th…
waywardstrategy
I'm an arrogant trash talke…
FlaShFTW
Gauntlet SC2: A Retrospectiv…
Ctone23
Why RTS gamers make better f…
gosubay
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 8131 users

[Fiction]Steady

Blogs > Cedstick
Post a Reply
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-05 06:25:08
September 03 2010 09:49 GMT
#1
I've been quite pensive lately, and wanted to start writing again. At the same time, I discovered an amazing new artist, Apparat, who's song You Don't Know Me, paired with Takagi Masakatsu's Watch the World, inspired this scenario. I may expand upon it, but for now, this is what I have. For reference I've included both songs. Ideally, the protagonist is listening to Apparat's song.

+ Show Spoiler [Apparat - You Don't Know Me] +

+ Show Spoiler [Takagi Masakatsu - Watch the World] +


Feedback greatly appreciated!


Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge. Tunnel vision had set in and his music player drowned the cries outside, but all the better as he limped through the cliffside corridor. The song was urgent, his pace was urgent, his wounds were urgent, but he breathed steady.

She slumped, finally and expected, pulling him down under his right shoulder, his left arm moving fast and guiding her gently as consciousness took from her. He would have to carry her the rest of the way. He held his torn side; he sighed, but he did not waver. His music was fast becoming accompanied by other sounds -- he could not rest. Deceptively slender in form, his tall, lithe frame took her over his broad shoulder. Pain was there like a ghost, somewhere, apparent and not. All he knew was it was there. He grunted as he rose, as if he was expected to, as if his body was screaming. He couldn't tell. Something must still be right, as he was moving down the corridor again.

He thumbed his player's volume up before clutching his side -- he could hear them; too loud. The short ridge-line tunnel ended as his own tunnel guided him out in to a too-bright daylight, a light ignoring the overcast and southern smoke at his back, mocking him, giving him hope, depressing him. He breathed steady, his feet plodding to the bass in his ear, a pulsing beat he had to match. He moved to the song, somber violins warning him to maintain. The ridge emplacements were a fallacy; the hills about him would be swarming, his only defense behind him, that corridor the sole safe exit from the chaos behind.

He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause. It would prove a distraction to those in pursuit, and time on his side, he thought numbly. Everything was numb and cold, the humid mid-Summer day sweltering around him. A ghost much less ethereal was taking him, his vision blurring, alien sounds behind him, but he tread on, his breathing steady.

Finally he had reached his destination, had come around the bend to stare at a small, cylindrical railcar, full of eyes, eyes that found him immediately as he continued his limp down to them. Eyes empty and lost, eyes weak and hopeless, eyes old and young -- oh, the eyes of the young. He suddenly felt himself again, ragged and mortal and despairing, a piano pleading to him, violins crying, his chest heaving. The pulse had left him, the violins all that guided him down the slope to the packed vessel.

Then he was there, at the car, a shorter man standing imposingly tall above him, and he realized he'd fallen to a knee. He looked up, in to the man's eyes, the only response a stern, stone face. Somewhere behind those eyes he saw empathy. He looked to her, now in his arms, and smiled solemnly. A glockenspiel echoed sadly, understandingly, and he nodded. His eyes met the man again, begging him to look to the girl. An eternity passed before he realized the man was already down to his knee as well, lifting her gently.

All limbs sore, sweat dripping from his dark brown hair, plastered and framing perfectly his face, he rose, with and against the violins. He shut them off. Wired buds left his ears, his player left his pocket, grasped firmly in his fist. He touched the man's shoulder, stopping him, turning him slightly, and brought his fist to the girl's coat, dropping the bundle in a pocket. Then they were gone, three meters that felt ten thousand away, and soon would be.

He turned to the west and looked down to the inlet, sun streaks shining off it's surface, then to the clouds, rays of light breaking through like hope. He looked north, to her destination, to the untouched trees, the ridges and mountain lines tall and strong and bold, ignorant of any invasion. He turned north to east, to south, slowly taking his surroundings in, inhaling the almost crisp air, clean yet of any smoke and defying the Summer's heat. He stopped and looked south, at black, brown and red streaming over the hills, dark figures closing on him as the packed shuttle took to the north, speeding along it's tracks. He looked to his arm and flexed, tightening his grasp, a pulse found again, the song playing in his head. He reached forward, arm extending, side ripping with pain. It was all a blur in a tunnel, but all the better. He closed his eyes and focused. His breath was steady.


*****
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
rockon1215
Profile Joined May 2009
United States612 Posts
September 03 2010 10:31 GMT
#2
Not bad

Not bad at all
Flash v Jaedong The finals that is ALWAYS meant to be
Zocat
Profile Joined April 2010
Germany2229 Posts
September 03 2010 23:53 GMT
#3
Really liked it

Seems like an intro to a bigger story.
"Who is that guy" "who is that girl?" "what conflict?" "oh he is going to die - so he doesnt seem to be the main character" "wonder what happens when she awakes".

But as I said to you in IRC already:
I imagined a faster song than the 2 you mentioned
Ethic
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada439 Posts
September 05 2010 06:26 GMT
#4
Blogs are super cool. I should start a blog.
SC2 ID: Ethic.791 - 1v1 DIAMOND - SHILOH UPSILON
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4012 Posts
September 05 2010 11:18 GMT
#5
It's quite good but I just couldn't get into it...

It felt as though there were an awful lot of cliches in there, and that harmed my enjoyment of it, sadly.
Moderator@SirJolt
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
September 06 2010 07:28 GMT
#6
Thanks for the input, guys. Except Platypus... I mean, if you five-starred my blog, thumbs-up, man, but, uhh... yea, I guess blogs are super cool, and you should start one.

SirJolt, could you pick out some cliches (if you re-read this thread,) or did you just mean the style in general? I felt like it was aaaaaaalmost cheesy in that it felt kind of cliche in style or theme, but to me it passed. I'd love if you could specify
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4012 Posts
September 11 2010 12:14 GMT
#7
Hey, sorry to get back to this so late. I'm not sure quite what it was that threw me on it, but the biggest was the theme/style combo, I think.

An opening sentence always has a lot to do; it sets tone and introduces the reader to your style. The only problem is that it's hard to set up anything with this kind of subject matter without it seeming cheesy or a little contrived,

"Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge."

Similarly,

"He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause."

As you said, it skirt the cheese-line throughout, but for me it just about crosses it a few times, and I couldn't really get into it as a result. It's not poorly written, I have a feeling I'd enjoy something you'd written on a more day-to-day subject
Moderator@SirJolt
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Replay Cast
00:00
GSL CK #4 - Day 1
CranKy Ducklings142
EnkiAlexander 76
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
RuFF_SC2 178
StarCraft: Brood War
Noble 35
Mind 17
Dota 2
LuMiX1
League of Legends
Doublelift6796
Counter-Strike
summit1g11501
Super Smash Bros
amsayoshi0
Other Games
PiGStarcraft2166
JimRising 700
WinterStarcraft419
ViBE152
Livibee83
Trikslyr67
Nina43
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick1657
Dota 2
PGL Dota 2 - Secondary Stream999
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
[ Show 11 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Lourlo645
Upcoming Events
WardiTV Spring Champion…
8h 40m
GSL
9h 40m
Maru vs Reynor
Lambo vs Solar
IPSL
13h 40m
Hawk vs Julia
Patches Events
14h 40m
BSL22 NKC (BSL vs China)
16h 40m
Dewalt vs Messiah
Bonyth vs Mihu
TerrOr vs XuanXuan
eOnzErG vs Messiah
Jaystar vs Mihu
Dewalt vs XuanXuan
Bonyth vs TerrOr
Replay Cast
21h 40m
WardiTV Weekly
1d 8h
Monday Night Weeklies
1d 13h
Sparkling Tuna Cup
2 days
The PondCast
3 days
[ Show More ]
Douyu Cup 2020
4 days
Oliveira vs Trap
Jieshi vs XY
soO vs FanTaSy
TY vs Coffee
Douyu Cup 2020
5 days
Neeb vs Impact
MacSed vs Cyan
Scarlett vs Kelazhur
INnoVation vs Dear
Douyu Cup 2020
6 days
Maestros of the Game
6 days
herO vs Classic
Maru vs Serral
BSL22 NKC (BSL vs China)
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-06-19
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
Heroes Pulsing #2

Ongoing

IPSL Spring 2026
Acropolis #4
CSCL: Masked Kings S4
YSL S3
BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSL Season 21: Qualifier 1
SCTL 2026 Spring
Maestros of the Game 2
WardiTV Spring 2026
Murky Cup 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
IEM Rio 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026

Upcoming

CSL Season 21: Qualifier 2
CSL 2026 Summer (S21)
CSLAN 4
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Revival: Season 6
CranK Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League
HSC XXIX
Douyu Cup 2026
BCC 2026
Light HT
Heroes Pulsing #3
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.