• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 08:43
CEST 14:43
KST 21:43
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Serral wins HomeStory Cup 2914Serral wins Maestros of the Game 243ByuL, and the Limitations of Standard Play3Team Liquid Map Contest #22: Results and Winners7Code S Season 2 (2026): RO4 and Finals Preview12
Community News
Balance hotfix patch 5.0.16b (July 16)44Reynor: GSL Loss Wasn't About Preparation Format16[IPSL] Spring 2026 Grand Finals - This Weekend!5Weekly Cups (July 6 - 12): Protoss strike back12BSL Season 22 Full Overview & Conclusion8
StarCraft 2
General
Balance hotfix patch 5.0.16b (July 16) [D] Wireframe Casting Removed Clem: "I don't have that much hope in Blizzard" Reynor: GSL Loss Wasn't About Preparation Format Is the larve respawn broken?
Tourneys
Master Swan Open (Global Bronze-Master 2) WardiTV Summer Cup 2026 GSL CK #5 Race War RSL Revival: Season 6 - Qualifiers and Main Event HomeStory Cup 29
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
New Map Maker - Looking for Advice - Love or Hate Work In Progress Melee Maps [D]RTS in all its shapes and glory <3
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 534 Burning Evacuation Mutation # 533 Die Together Mutation # 532 Nuclear Family
Brood War
General
ASL22 General Discussion BW General Discussion Pros Debate: Zerg Unfairly Nerfed? (ASL S22 map) Etiquete rules in Asl? Recent recommended BW games
Tourneys
Escore Tournament - Season 3 [Megathread] Daily Proleagues Small VOD Thread 2.0 [IPSL] Spring 2026 Grand Finals - This Weekend!
Strategy
Fighting Spirit mining rates Simple Questions, Simple Answers Creating a full chart of Zerg builds Relatively freeroll strategies
Other Games
General Games
Path of Exile General RTS Discussion Thread Nintendo Switch Thread Beyond All Reason Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread
Dota 2
Looking for a Dota Mentor Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Power Rank NeO.D_StephenKing vs This Guy From 1 Million Dance TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread The Games Industry And ATVI Russo-Ukrainian War Thread UK Politics Mega-thread YouTube Thread
Fan Clubs
The IdrA Fan Club The HerO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread Movie Discussion! [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books Series you have seen recently...
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread MLB/Baseball 2023 McBoner: A hockey love story Tennis[sport] Formula 1 Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Simple Questions Simple Answers FPS when play League Of Legend on laptop How to clean a TTe Thermaltake keyboard?
TL Community
Northern Ireland Global Starcraft The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Poker (part 2)
Nebuchad
The Experiences We Want and …
TrAiDoS
An Exploration of th…
waywardstrategy
ramps on octagon
StaticNine
Funny Nicknames
LUCKY_NOOB
Evil Gacha Games and the…
ffswowsucks
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 8327 users

[Fiction]Steady

Blogs > Cedstick
Post a Reply
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-05 06:25:08
September 03 2010 09:49 GMT
#1
I've been quite pensive lately, and wanted to start writing again. At the same time, I discovered an amazing new artist, Apparat, who's song You Don't Know Me, paired with Takagi Masakatsu's Watch the World, inspired this scenario. I may expand upon it, but for now, this is what I have. For reference I've included both songs. Ideally, the protagonist is listening to Apparat's song.

+ Show Spoiler [Apparat - You Don't Know Me] +

+ Show Spoiler [Takagi Masakatsu - Watch the World] +


Feedback greatly appreciated!


Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge. Tunnel vision had set in and his music player drowned the cries outside, but all the better as he limped through the cliffside corridor. The song was urgent, his pace was urgent, his wounds were urgent, but he breathed steady.

She slumped, finally and expected, pulling him down under his right shoulder, his left arm moving fast and guiding her gently as consciousness took from her. He would have to carry her the rest of the way. He held his torn side; he sighed, but he did not waver. His music was fast becoming accompanied by other sounds -- he could not rest. Deceptively slender in form, his tall, lithe frame took her over his broad shoulder. Pain was there like a ghost, somewhere, apparent and not. All he knew was it was there. He grunted as he rose, as if he was expected to, as if his body was screaming. He couldn't tell. Something must still be right, as he was moving down the corridor again.

He thumbed his player's volume up before clutching his side -- he could hear them; too loud. The short ridge-line tunnel ended as his own tunnel guided him out in to a too-bright daylight, a light ignoring the overcast and southern smoke at his back, mocking him, giving him hope, depressing him. He breathed steady, his feet plodding to the bass in his ear, a pulsing beat he had to match. He moved to the song, somber violins warning him to maintain. The ridge emplacements were a fallacy; the hills about him would be swarming, his only defense behind him, that corridor the sole safe exit from the chaos behind.

He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause. It would prove a distraction to those in pursuit, and time on his side, he thought numbly. Everything was numb and cold, the humid mid-Summer day sweltering around him. A ghost much less ethereal was taking him, his vision blurring, alien sounds behind him, but he tread on, his breathing steady.

Finally he had reached his destination, had come around the bend to stare at a small, cylindrical railcar, full of eyes, eyes that found him immediately as he continued his limp down to them. Eyes empty and lost, eyes weak and hopeless, eyes old and young -- oh, the eyes of the young. He suddenly felt himself again, ragged and mortal and despairing, a piano pleading to him, violins crying, his chest heaving. The pulse had left him, the violins all that guided him down the slope to the packed vessel.

Then he was there, at the car, a shorter man standing imposingly tall above him, and he realized he'd fallen to a knee. He looked up, in to the man's eyes, the only response a stern, stone face. Somewhere behind those eyes he saw empathy. He looked to her, now in his arms, and smiled solemnly. A glockenspiel echoed sadly, understandingly, and he nodded. His eyes met the man again, begging him to look to the girl. An eternity passed before he realized the man was already down to his knee as well, lifting her gently.

All limbs sore, sweat dripping from his dark brown hair, plastered and framing perfectly his face, he rose, with and against the violins. He shut them off. Wired buds left his ears, his player left his pocket, grasped firmly in his fist. He touched the man's shoulder, stopping him, turning him slightly, and brought his fist to the girl's coat, dropping the bundle in a pocket. Then they were gone, three meters that felt ten thousand away, and soon would be.

He turned to the west and looked down to the inlet, sun streaks shining off it's surface, then to the clouds, rays of light breaking through like hope. He looked north, to her destination, to the untouched trees, the ridges and mountain lines tall and strong and bold, ignorant of any invasion. He turned north to east, to south, slowly taking his surroundings in, inhaling the almost crisp air, clean yet of any smoke and defying the Summer's heat. He stopped and looked south, at black, brown and red streaming over the hills, dark figures closing on him as the packed shuttle took to the north, speeding along it's tracks. He looked to his arm and flexed, tightening his grasp, a pulse found again, the song playing in his head. He reached forward, arm extending, side ripping with pain. It was all a blur in a tunnel, but all the better. He closed his eyes and focused. His breath was steady.


*****
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
rockon1215
Profile Joined May 2009
United States612 Posts
September 03 2010 10:31 GMT
#2
Not bad

Not bad at all
Flash v Jaedong The finals that is ALWAYS meant to be
Zocat
Profile Joined April 2010
Germany2229 Posts
September 03 2010 23:53 GMT
#3
Really liked it

Seems like an intro to a bigger story.
"Who is that guy" "who is that girl?" "what conflict?" "oh he is going to die - so he doesnt seem to be the main character" "wonder what happens when she awakes".

But as I said to you in IRC already:
I imagined a faster song than the 2 you mentioned
Ethic
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada439 Posts
September 05 2010 06:26 GMT
#4
Blogs are super cool. I should start a blog.
SC2 ID: Ethic.791 - 1v1 DIAMOND - SHILOH UPSILON
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4014 Posts
September 05 2010 11:18 GMT
#5
It's quite good but I just couldn't get into it...

It felt as though there were an awful lot of cliches in there, and that harmed my enjoyment of it, sadly.
Moderator@SirJolt
Cedstick
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Canada3336 Posts
September 06 2010 07:28 GMT
#6
Thanks for the input, guys. Except Platypus... I mean, if you five-starred my blog, thumbs-up, man, but, uhh... yea, I guess blogs are super cool, and you should start one.

SirJolt, could you pick out some cliches (if you re-read this thread,) or did you just mean the style in general? I felt like it was aaaaaaalmost cheesy in that it felt kind of cliche in style or theme, but to me it passed. I'd love if you could specify
"What does Rivington do when he's not commentating?" "Drool." ~ Categorist
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4014 Posts
September 11 2010 12:14 GMT
#7
Hey, sorry to get back to this so late. I'm not sure quite what it was that threw me on it, but the biggest was the theme/style combo, I think.

An opening sentence always has a lot to do; it sets tone and introduces the reader to your style. The only problem is that it's hard to set up anything with this kind of subject matter without it seeming cheesy or a little contrived,

"Fire burned his life away behind him, ten or one-hundred plumes feeding the already-ash sky as a machine-gun thumped in his ear, possibly repeating a true gun-fight over the ridge."

Similarly,

"He stepped passed a body, alive, but dead inside, from what he could only guess. Broken family, broken heart, broken sanity? He heard himself yell to it as he moved passed, maybe a minute ago, maybe an age, but it would be a lost cause."

As you said, it skirt the cheese-line throughout, but for me it just about crosses it a few times, and I couldn't really get into it as a result. It's not poorly written, I have a feeling I'd enjoy something you'd written on a more day-to-day subject
Moderator@SirJolt
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
WardiTV Invitational
12:00
Summer Cup 2026 - Group A
WardiTV439
LiquipediaDiscussion
CranKy Ducklings
10:00
Master Swan Open #105
CranKy Ducklings60
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Lowko454
Rex 104
BRAT_OK 85
MindelVK 26
RushiSC 15
StarCraft: Brood War
Calm 6527
Rain 2585
Shuttle 1495
Jaedong 1293
firebathero 921
Mini 553
Horang2 541
Hyuk 488
BeSt 408
Larva 223
[ Show more ]
hero 207
Stork 185
Rush 168
ZerO 156
Last 151
Hyun 118
Sharp 92
Pusan 76
ggaemo 74
Killer 61
Mong 60
sorry 58
JulyZerg 55
ZergMaN 54
Free 42
JYJ 38
Aegong 35
soO 34
Shine 31
Movie 29
HiyA 21
yabsab 19
Hm[arnc] 16
Barracks 14
Noble 9
ajuk12(nOOB) 9
IntoTheRainbow 8
Purpose 5
Yoon 5
Icarus 1
Dota 2
Gorgc6386
XcaliburYe246
League of Legends
Doublelift2947
Counter-Strike
byalli1374
allub312
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor6
Other Games
gofns20054
singsing1626
B2W.Neo810
RotterdaM205
XaKoH 120
ZerO(Twitch)10
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick2451
BasetradeTV166
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
[ Show 17 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• CranKy Ducklings SOOP49
• epiclan18
• musti20045 16
• Adnapsc2 9
• sooper7s
• Migwel
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• IndyKCrew
• Kozan
• intothetv
• AfreecaTV YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
• FT.aCt)Sony3
• Pr0nogo 3
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Jankos2913
Upcoming Events
Epic.LAN
17m
IPSL
3h 17m
Dragon vs Hawk
RSL Revival
20h 17m
Classic vs Trap
herO vs SHIN
Sparkling Tuna Cup
21h 17m
OSC
1d
IPSL
1d 3h
Bonyth vs Ret
WardiTV Weekly
1d 22h
Monday Night Weeklies
2 days
PiGosaur Cup
3 days
The PondCast
3 days
[ Show More ]
Replay Cast
4 days
CrankTV Team League
4 days
Replay Cast
5 days
CrankTV Team League
5 days
Korean StarCraft League
6 days
RSL Revival
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Escore Tournament S3: W3
HSC XXIX
Eternal Conflict S2 E2

Ongoing

IPSL Spring 2026
Acropolis #4
YSL S3
CSL 2026 Summer (S21)
KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3
RSL Revival: Season 6
CranK Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League
SCTL 2026 Spring
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S3: W4
ASL S22 SEASON OPEN Day 2
Escore Tournament S3: W5
CSLAN 4
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
HSC XXX
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
Light Tournament 2026
Eternal Conflict S2 Finale
Eternal Conflict S2 E3
Logitech G Connect 2026
StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #5
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.