So, today I had a dream where I was being constantly sieged by images of tender moments from the time when I was a young teenager (I'm now in my late 20s).
You guys know what I'm talking about:
those moments where every touch is a shy and wild adventure, where every shared breath can make you dizzy, every taste of her tongue sets your body on fire and you feel that every tight hug is the whole world...
Ah yes, the first experiences of sweet and innocent love and sweet and innocent girls...
Today is a little bit different, though.
Sometime ago I met a friend that I haven't seen for a very long time and somewhere in the conversation he, of course, asked me how were things with girls, was there someone, etc. I just casually answered that lately most girls just bore me to death. He surprised me by immediately laughing and by saying something like “How the hell? How can girls bore you? It's girls that we are talking about! I don't get it.”
He sure didn't, and so the conversation went elsewhere.
It's true. For a very long time now I haven't met a girl that actually excites me, that arouses the passions of love, that makes me think about her all the time, that makes me want to know everything about her mind and body, that makes me want to jump in happiness like a bawdy satyr with a flute along the flowery countryside...
Let me tell the trolls right now and I'm not a homosexual without knowing (although I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay; it doesn't matter to me at all; there was a moment a long time ago when I was actually being hit by a homosexual, and because I was always being nice to him he kept insisting in getting my phone number; although I had a fun conversation, no dice for him).
I'm also not stuck in some past girl that I cannot get anymore.
But the feelings aroused by the great passion of love... when was the last time?...
Now, it's not just in conversation when meeting girls that I eventually get bored. I'm going to tell you: one of the last girls I dated was not the kind of girl to enjoy foreplay (there are girls that want foreplay, girls that definitely need foreplay, and girls that don't really care about it), she just wanted it given to her hard – HARD! Now, younger boys may mock me for saying it, but just thrusting and breaking my legs like a male porn star is not enough for me.
I'm not 18 anymore when just being on top of the poop deck, rocking that boat and swinging my anchor would be enough to make me shout literally in the act: "I'M KING OF THE FUCKING WORLD!”
Girl, give me some tenderness, please. Pure lust can actually get dull.
I swear that I even yawned once. Do you really want to laugh? There was one moment one night when I even considered faking it just like this guy at 2:53 of this video:
I eventually had one of those not satisfying orgasms and that was the end of the deal (although many women think that if the man ejaculates he’s probably instantly contented).
Where is the feeling of wanting to give and ask for sweet kisses, soft caresses and tender affection nonstop? I want to feel it again. Where is the feeling of wanting to investigate like a passionate detective every tender part of her body? of wanting to talk to her all night long and actually not have petty arguments and misunderstanding?
Where is the relationship with some of that younger innocent love without games, lust and jealousy? Too much to ask? Maybe. Maybe I'm just unlucky.
And so I treasure the tender memories of younger and innocent days... Silly me.
Hopefully the fire will be rekindled once again.
How about you? Do you also feel that something is missing from younger days in your relationships? Do you have any experiences related to all of this nonsense?
I don't know what to say except that I understand and feel the same way about relationships. I like being nostalgic and I like wanting those younger moments. They can still happen, it's just harder to find a person that fits with you like that as you get older.
Personally, I feel like I haven't grown up as fast as my friends. I mean professionally, we're all equal, but personally we are in completely different places. It's way harder to get everyone to come back to that place where just having fun reigns supreme, but it also means when we get back there it feels that much better.
I guess it depends on where you're heading. Right now I feel like I have almost zero goals in my life. That's not a bad thing and I don't say it negatively. But I think people like me (and presumably you) are far more prone to desire what you've written. Not sure if you agree...
Im in that kind of situation as well chicks i hook up with its like a formula if they do this then i can do that and if she does this she is interested in me and I know how this can turn out.. there is little to no surprise, no excitement, its just the same thing repeated it good but it isnt fulfilling. Hell i have a great time meeting new chicks but some are just make me want to stab my eyes out, an others I want to cut my ears off.
To exemplify there is a friend of mine whos current girlfriend was/still is a teen love.. they are 21 and 20 years old.. they started dating when they were about 13! and now 7 years later they have been of and on again and i see him and her and i think man,I can never have a relationship that could be as that engaging as theirs at this age.
its like the chicks who are not with someone don't give a fuck about anything they just party with their friends and are very unattached to anything.. I want to be madly in love with a girl cause ive been with enough dumb, boring, nice, pretty and ugly chicks..Up until recently i have never been with a girl that i liked her Personality.. If i went out of context I find many of the girl i have been with to be very unlikable but just ok for partying.. I just want to settle down with a nice girl she doesnt have to be that nice, nor that pretty just right you know..
The other day I started to remember about a teenage love i had and it was just like you had said it was just like that, innocent, good and tender.. there are somethings i cant understand probably never will for a man there just inst a perfect situation.. hell im barely in my early 20s..
I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to the girl just wanting to get at it and nothing more. I've taken to calling it glorified mutual masturbation. It's ok once and a while but if I'm going to have a relationship with a girl then I want more than that.
I don't think that you lose out on the ability to feel those old first time feelings but that you really start to learn what you want in a person and those people that don't offer that don't bring about those feelings. You basically just become picky imo.
On July 16 2010 02:02 Chill wrote: I don't know what to say except that I understand and feel the same way about relationships. I like being nostalgic and I like wanting those younger moments. They can still happen, it's just harder to find a person that fits with you like that as you get older.
Personally, I feel like I haven't grown up as fast as my friends. I mean professionally, we're all equal, but personally we are in completely different places. It's way harder to get everyone to come back to that place where just having fun reigns supreme, but it also means when we get back there it feels that much better.
I guess it depends on where you're heading. Right now I feel like I have almost zero goals in my life. That's not a bad thing and I don't say it negatively. But I think people like me (and presumably you) are far more prone to desire what you've written. Not sure if you agree...
I understand what you are trying to say. Personally, I feel that I grew up faster (in my head) than any of my friends. The thing is: I grew up to become a completely different person from what people expect of an adult in modern life.I just think differently in many many things. But that doesn't bother me.
I also think that it's not good to have too many idealizations about love. And it's okay that things will never be as before. Things are different now and I'm a different person now. Yes, it's okay that feelings are different now.
But saying that it is okay that feelings are different is not the same thing that saying that it is okay that there are no feelings. And it's not okay that there is so much bullshit and disappointment in adult relationships.
Now, I enjoy living alone and I definitely will never live with a stupid girl that I don't love, ever. But the truth is that life is so much less colorful without love and it's harder to keep the motivation up (you can, but it's harder).
Still, I don't want people to think from this blog that I am depressed or something. I just want your thoughts which I appreciate.
On July 16 2010 02:42 Scorcher2k wrote: I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to the girl just wanting to get at it and nothing more. I've taken to calling it glorified mutual masturbation. It's ok once and a while but if I'm going to have a relationship with a girl then I want more than that.
I don't think that you lose out on the ability to feel those old first time feelings but that you really start to learn what you want in a person and those people that don't offer that don't bring about those feelings. You basically just become picky imo.
Well, I don't think so. I don't spend much time analyzing the girls. It's there when you interact with them or it isn't.
i miss falling head over heels over someone, can't stop thinking about her and then not knowing if i'll get her, thinking of every action she makes (does it mean something??)
Head over heels love is an amazing intoxicating experience if it goes well, and brutally painful if it doesn't.
When you get older, you're more sensible about how you emotionally risk yourself. That's probably why older more experienced people are a little more cynical than young naive kids.
On July 16 2010 02:42 Scorcher2k wrote: I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to the girl just wanting to get at it and nothing more. I've taken to calling it glorified mutual masturbation. It's ok once and a while but if I'm going to have a relationship with a girl then I want more than that.
I don't think that you lose out on the ability to feel those old first time feelings but that you really start to learn what you want in a person and those people that don't offer that don't bring about those feelings. You basically just become picky imo.
Well, I don't think so. I don't spend much time analyzing the girls. It's there when you interact with them or it isn't.
I really meant that it is more on a subconcious level. Not that you actively pick out flaws (allthough some people do of course)
first love was great, and it doesn't matter if you're 16 or 20 or 25, the first intimate experience with a girl will always be the greatest (just like jerking off was best when i was still 14 kk).
might be you just haven't found what you're looking for.. i mean there are people who have a natural attraction towards each other - where everything fits - from the sexual chemistry to the mutual understanding. to find such a person is not that easy, especially since we're all very individual and not every girl fits our specific nature.
just want to say: if you'll find a girl who really attracts you and you would say that you love her, i bet the sexual arousal and everything will be there again like it hadn't been gone.
watch Before Sunset.. imho it shows in a very realistic manner how it could be to meet a very special someone you'd want to spend your life with.
youth is the one thing worth having. i miss it immensely, but remind myself i'm still relatively young and will be having moments i would die for when i am older.
On July 16 2010 01:58 krndandaman wrote: ive lost my passion for girls can't get that fire started anymore
You're 17 lol
OP I wouldn't worry so much, I'm sure there's many compatible girls looking for the same things just gotta keep putting yourself out there. I've felt that but don't anymore cause I got lucky and found mine.
On July 16 2010 03:01 Sabu113 wrote: Head over heels love is an amazing intoxicating experience if it goes well, and brutally painful if it doesn't.
When you get older, you're more sensible about how you emotionally risk yourself. That's probably why older more experienced people are a little more cynical than young naive kids.
Yes, but I'm not talking about losing your mind because of a girl. I'm talking about feeling happy because of a girl.
On July 16 2010 02:42 Scorcher2k wrote: I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to the girl just wanting to get at it and nothing more. I've taken to calling it glorified mutual masturbation. It's ok once and a while but if I'm going to have a relationship with a girl then I want more than that.
I don't think that you lose out on the ability to feel those old first time feelings but that you really start to learn what you want in a person and those people that don't offer that don't bring about those feelings. You basically just become picky imo.
Well, I don't think so. I don't spend much time analyzing the girls. It's there when you interact with them or it isn't.
I really meant that it is more on a subconcious level. Not that you actively pick out flaws (allthough some people do of course)
Well, if by being picky you mean wanting a girl that you can truly get along with instead of contenting yourself with a random girl, then yes.
On July 16 2010 03:13 Ghardo wrote: first love was great, and it doesn't matter if you're 16 or 20 or 25, the first intimate experience with a girl will always be the greatest (just like jerking off was best when i was still 14 kk).
might be you just haven't found what you're looking for.. i mean there are people who have a natural attraction towards each other - where everything fits - from the sexual chemistry to the mutual understanding. to find such a person is not that easy, especially since we're all very individual and not every girl fits our specific nature.
just want to say: if you'll find a girl who really attracts you and you would say that you love her, i bet the sexual arousal and everything will be there again like it hadn't been gone.
watch Before Sunset.. imho it shows in a very realistic manner how it could be to meet a very special someone you'd want to spend your life with.
I don't think age has anything to do with it. My wife still does "it" for me. We've only been married for 2 years, and yes, things are different than when we first got together, but if anything, it's better.
So, like I said, I don't think it's age. I think it's your experiences that decrease those desires. Sure, we gain those experiences with age, but some of those things you can avoid. You don't have to have to indulge in all of life's pleasures because they seem like a good time.
edit: That said, I don't know your past, but you don't have to have the same future. I believe your future can be great. Even with a woman.
It sounds cliched, but you just have to find the right person. And it will happen when you least expect it.
Most of my 20s I felt much as you guys are describing. Most of my friends married shortly after college and their lives changed completely. They stopped hanging out and were totally focused on their families. The new friends I made to go out with and have fun were all perpetual bachelors, mostly guys in their thirties, many divorced young, and just totally about partying and getting laid. It was fun for a while but started to get really lame. Girls in constant supply but nothing worth hanging on to. Anything that lasted over a few weeks just felt like a mistake later. I kept trying to force connections that just were not going to happen.
I started really just work on myself, making sure I was who I wanted to be. Doing what I wanted to do, focusing on my hobbies, working out more, reading more, found a better job with a better commute, etc. I was happier than I'd been since college, really just loving my day to day life.
Then I met my current girlfriend. It was a huge CLICK in my head. This. Girl. Is. Perfect. I had honestly given up on ever meeting a girl that I could truly be best friends with, share my hobbies with but still have my space respected, constantly learn from and be surprised (in a good way) by. About to hit two years now, still going strong as ever. True love? Sure feels like it.
So... be sure you're happy with yourself and don't try to force it. She's out there.
There is a point in one's life where everything becomes average and mundain. Nostalgia is nice every now and again but it is what fuels our hubrous later in life.
I'm in one of those tender-cant-get-enough-of-each-other-give-and-ask-for-sweet-kisses-soft caresses-and-tender-affection-nonstop relationships that you speak of.
But in all seriousness, thanks for the heads up. I'll make sure to savor my time extra carefully now for the next few years (just turned 20).
On July 16 2010 04:18 Man.Magic wrote: There is a point in one's life where everything becomes average and mundain. Nostalgia is nice every now and again but it is what fuels our hubrous later in life.
On July 16 2010 04:19 SoManyDeadLings wrote: Envy me. *brag*
I'm in one of those tender-cant-get-enough-of-each-other-give-and-ask-for-sweet-kisses-soft caresses-and-tender-affection-nonstop relationships that you speak of.
But in all seriousness, thanks for the heads up. I'll make sure to savor my time extra carefully now for the next few years (just turned 20).
On July 16 2010 04:19 SoManyDeadLings wrote: Envy me. *brag*
I'm in one of those tender-cant-get-enough-of-each-other-give-and-ask-for-sweet-kisses-soft caresses-and-tender-affection-nonstop relationships that you speak of.
But in all seriousness, thanks for the heads up. I'll make sure to savor my time extra carefully now for the next few years (just turned 20).
On July 16 2010 04:19 SoManyDeadLings wrote: Envy me. *brag*
I'm in one of those tender-cant-get-enough-of-each-other-give-and-ask-for-sweet-kisses-soft caresses-and-tender-affection-nonstop relationships that you speak of.
But in all seriousness, thanks for the heads up. I'll make sure to savor my time extra carefully now for the next few years (just turned 20).
Lol I read through the whole OP, great post. It sounds like you're married. I think therefore you should look up how married couples deal with this issue.
On July 16 2010 01:50 Yggdrasil Leaf wrote: For a very long time now I haven't met a girl that actually excites me, that arouses the passions of love, that makes me think about her all the time, that makes me want to know everything about her mind and body, that makes me want to jump in happiness like a bawdy satyr with a flute along the flowery countryside...
I'm not surprised that you haven't found a girl that you're satisfied with. You preseneted a very mature perspective on life. Random high school boys, even the mature ones, don't have the experience to know these things. No, you're not a boy, you are a man who has let his past experiences shape how you see the world. If you're looking for girls, then you're looking in the wrong place. You need a woman.
I'm actually glad to see that you have a standard that is based on feelings of love, not just carnal pleasure. It's important that if you meet someone that you enforce said standard. Yes, this could mean passing up a night of meaningless sex. If you know already that it isn't going to do anything for you then don't do it.
A fulfilling relationship, though something you have to work on, isn't an exact science. There's no cookie-cutter checklist that says you should pursue a certain person. Keep some concrete standards, but don't get so specific that your 'dream woman' is nothing but a figment of all your romantic fantasies. She will be who she is. My advice is to work on yourself, keep an eye open to women that have the potential to be something great, but do NOT make your sole purpose in life to find this person. It's been my personal experience and the experience of many friends that when we stop looking and learn to love ourselves that we unintentionally find who we're looking for.
Im 21 just now im with the women i love and man i would like to spend my life with her, she gives me everything you talk about, perhaps its a littlel son to talk this big but even when i hadn't been with many women it just feel so right with her all the time is fun, nice, lovely.
Before her i haven't met a girl that it would get this thinks of me i was like=> Love you said??? I don't believe in that...
Now im like Love??? I have it and i like it ^^
You guys will find a girl that makes those things go back on you, no need to look for a girl you will met her no matter what ^^
I've only ever felt the "innocent love" OP mentions once. I remember being on the couch just lying down together and mumbled some stupid line and ending up kissing her. Heart in throat type thing, probably never forget that night. All we did is make out and after a while drift in and out of sleep comfortably, and after I remember her saying, "I was surprised you didn't try to do anything else". Ever since then I notice in my own relationship's and others there seems to be a huge emphasis on getting laid and whatnot. Sex/physical affection (for some people) has seemingly been corrupted and it's meaning undermined. It saddens me to think of it as just a biological function that happens to feel nifty.
I'm not sure of the cause, but I have to say OP I miss all those feelings as well I want the meaning and shy nervousness back.
I'm, of course, younger and probably not even close to how you're feeling it just sucks losing that innocence I had. Never even knew I had it until it was gone :/
On July 16 2010 04:46 Hidden_MotiveS wrote: Lol I read through the whole OP, great post. It sounds like you're married. I think therefore you should look up how married couples deal with this issue.
I've recently actually come to this conclusion myself. The sad part is that if you talk to older married couples (including your parents), most of them just settled. I think we're part of a new generation where we don't necessarily feel the need to "just settle." On the flip side though, I think as I get older, I just seem to care less about most things (including relationships). I guess the combination of caring less + interest in women declining (at least in the carnal way) leads to "just settling." Servius put it nicely in that you should work on yourself, but keep an open mind. That is the general lifestyle I am following now and I guess I'll see where it takes me in the future.
PS. Try dating older women (if you haven't already).
I have the same feeling in general as the OP. I'm quite a bit younger than he is, but I've had a LOT more life experience than most people my age. The kind of love you're talking about has only entered my life once. I was with the girl for 4 months, the best months I've ever had, then she moved halfway around the world. At my age, and with my financial situation, I have no way to follow her. Since then, I feel the same exact way OP does, a sort of general apathy towards women and romance. Everything feels stale and similar
On July 16 2010 07:06 sLiniss wrote: I think you just gotta find the right lady.
But are you complaining about sex or having a relationship? Or both. But understand they are not the same.
I think I know what you are talking about. But if you have a relationship, you usually have sex. That's natural. But sex is not the same with every girl, obviously.
On July 16 2010 08:42 Count9 wrote: God damn it. Without this thread I probably wouldn't have realized it for a few years. Fuck. I hate introspection, now I feel the same /sigh
Eerrrr..... ups?...
On July 16 2010 13:46 faction123 wrote: ah yes, a post about love followed by you telling us what you mean, which is 100% related to sex
that's love!
You didn't get my jokes or what I was trying to say.
P.S.: Btw, although I only answered a few posts, I do appreciate all. There were some interesting and thoughtful answers. Thanks.
On July 16 2010 07:06 sLiniss wrote: I think you just gotta find the right lady.
But are you complaining about sex or having a relationship? Or both. But understand they are not the same.
I think I know what you are talking about. But if you have a relationship, you usually have sex. That's natural. But sex is not the same with every girl, obviously.
I don't think this is necessary (for pre-marriage at least), but I wouldn't doubt that most pre-marriage couples have sex in modern day anyways.
When I read ur OP, I was quick to judge. It sounded like your relationship revolved around sex, or at least it is a big part of it. The rest of this post will be assuming this is true, please don't take it the wrong way if this assumption is just completely wrong.
I think that you maybe you are bored of the same kind of sexual relationships you've been having. Maybe realizing that a sexual relationship is very empty and you are looking for something much more meaningful.
Again, I stress that this is based on that one assumption. I've seen you around the forums Ygg, and I respect you dude. Just trying to share words of wisdom ya know?
On July 16 2010 04:19 SoManyDeadLings wrote: Envy me. *brag*
I'm in one of those tender-cant-get-enough-of-each-other-give-and-ask-for-sweet-kisses-soft caresses-and-tender-affection-nonstop relationships that you speak of.
But in all seriousness, thanks for the heads up. I'll make sure to savor my time extra carefully now for the next few years (just turned 20).
I don't believe anything you say until the end of time.
On July 16 2010 07:06 sLiniss wrote: I think you just gotta find the right lady.
But are you complaining about sex or having a relationship? Or both. But understand they are not the same.
I think I know what you are talking about. But if you have a relationship, you usually have sex. That's natural. But sex is not the same with every girl, obviously.
I don't think this is necessary (for pre-marriage at least), but I wouldn't doubt that most pre-marriage couples have sex in modern day anyways.
When I read ur OP, I was quick to judge. It sounded like your relationship revolved around sex, or at least it is a big part of it. The rest of this post will be assuming this is true, please don't take it the wrong way if this assumption is just completely wrong.
I think that you maybe you are bored of the same kind of sexual relationships you've been having. Maybe realizing that a sexual relationship is very empty and you are looking for something much more meaningful.
Again, I stress that this is based on that one assumption. I've seen you around the forums Ygg, and I respect you dude. Just trying to share words of wisdom ya know?
Alright, I appreciate it.
I would still like to say that intercourse is just a natural consequence of getting along with a girl and enjoying each other. I do not get the no pre-marriage sex thing. We no longer live in a society where we have to worry about the legitimacy of our children for various reasons. And we have contraceptives.
Also, I'm not focusing on casual sex. I'm not a promiscuous character. Note that when I speak directly about sex in my blog I do it with a joke. I understand that not everyone can understand my sense of humor, but why get so impressed about those parts? Btw, isn't it plain from my blog that I focus more on the interaction of touches than just thrusting? Intercourse is no longer a life-changing experience for me (I'm not a teenager anymore), so I speak about it with no worries and without thinking. It is you that is focused on the topic of sex.
But, my friend, this blog is simply about the difficulty of meeting a woman with whom you can actually have a connection that makes you genuinely happy like when you felt the first touch of a girl. Others got it.
Hmm, I'm in my mid-20's, and good hard sex is still A+ to me. Not all the time, but I'd say around 80% of the time that's what I'm down for. Not big on the whole tenderness during sex thing.... Tenderness/cuddling/cooking for my gf is great while hanging out and stuff, but sex is sex... Just feels too slow when I'm sitting there lingering and such. Then again, I probably don't have a romantic nerve in my body
I'm the complete opposite. I 'fell in love' when I was 15 and in hindsight the whole relationship was so fucking lame. And I see so many relationships like this, and often the people end up getting married. I actually think it's kind of sad. That AFC shit is really true. Now I keep it real and be myself and it's fine. I do regret one thing though. I had a summer fling a few years ago and I didn't pursue her enough and shit just fizzled out (probably found some other guy to date). This chick wasn't really that special or anything but she was so cool and fun to be around. I felt like she made me a better man and I just let her slip away. I'm 26 now and in a relationship with the next girl who came along since then. And I'm perfectly fine being in this long relationship without having love, passion, or whatever. But then again I associate all the cuddling,foreplay, etc as just part of lust. Never met a girl who didn't like it, maybe you are just doing it wrong? A lot of this relationship is weighted on the sex which is good, but even without it I could still see myself being this girl's friend forever. But I don't know about marriage, if that makes sense. She has this need for me, that I do not reciprocate in the same way, but at least she understands it. It's almost like she's just a placeholder as bad as that sounds. I'm kind of an asshole though if you haven't noticed, so don't mind me.
EPT
I want the meaning and shy nervousness back. 
