EPTYou see, what I've come to appreciate in life is the fact that there is no time like the morning to beat off. You're naturally up and ready to go in the morning, unlike night where you have to either get lucky and get a NARB (No Apparent Reason Boner), or actually look at porn to get in the mood.
In fact, my morning prowess is so great that I literally do not require any sort of material whatsoever to get a load off. Not even any naked ladies in my imagination, just pure, flatout stroking and rubbing, that is the extent of my morning vigor.
But with all good things, there is a downside, and the downside is this: every time a man wakes up, he is faced with a fundamental dilema - pee or jack off? The logical thing would be to pee and jack off afterwards and quite frankly, that's just what I've been doing the last couple years. But the problem with that is that, a) you lose your boner so you have to wait a while for it to reappear, b) you have to get out of bed all groggy and tired and shit, c) 90% of the time, you have to sit down on the toilet and pee with a boner which is quite uncomfortable if you know what I mean.
Well I, being a man of action, have decided to do something about this. In the past 5 minutes, I have brainstormed 3 reasonable ideas for dealing with the problem of peeing and then jacking off.
1) Take it like a man and beat off without peeing
pros - no preparation required
cons - uncomfortable as fuck, won't ever achieve pleasure upon orgasm
2) Have a little bottle or small container by bedside so I can grab it as soon as I wake up, pee into it before I have a boner and dump it after masturbation ASAP.
pros - gets the pee out quickly and painlessly
cons - If anyone else finds the bottle... or sees the bottle before the disposal step...
3) Have my trashbin near me and just pee into the trashcan
pros - no preparation needed whatsoever; if anyone asks, I say I have a cold and want a place to quickly dispose of my snot tissues at night
cons - the trashcan might start to smell really bad after a while. Occasional application of lysol could be useful as a potential countermeasure
And of course, this being the site of highly evolved intellectual specimens it is, I'll have the people vote on it:
Poll: How should I deal with my wood?
Jerk off without peeing (8)
62%
Have the trashcan by my bedside (4)
31%
Have a bottle on my counter (1)
8%
13 total votes
Have the trashcan by my bedside (4)
Have a bottle on my counter (1)
13 total votes
Your vote: How should I deal with my wood?
(Vote): Jerk off without peeing
(Vote): Have a bottle on my counter
(Vote): Have the trashcan by my bedside
