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On March 25 2010 08:19 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
why did you feel it necessary to basically deliver this girl an ultimatum
'i love u and want to be with u forever' is basically what you said
why couldn't you start with 'hey would you like to have dinner with me sometime'?
Best advice in the thread.
Ignore everyone else. There is nothing more scary then saying BE WITH SO WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND NEVER EXPLORE OTHER OPTIONS
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On March 25 2010 06:32 zealing wrote:going all-in is meant to "overwhelm" your opponent in a risky attack that can fail if not controlled properly, it sounds like you should have just opened with a 12 hatch and slowly and steadily transitioned into a 3hatch muta instead of going for a quick 2hatch hydra rush. o well gg no re it seams for you. but don't worry there are plenty of other players out there just play safe and don't rush it. and sure it will hurt, its suppose to hurt, you don't cheer when your 4pool fails you become  but you gg QQ and start again with more experience and maturity. gl hf keep practicing
this. play it standard man... doing it like that is just like "hey, i don't know how to advance girls if my goal is relationship/whatever, but anyway, let me reproduce this awkward speech about my feelings i rehearsed at home..."
its like 1hatch hydra ZvP every game -> if theyre worth something, it will most likely not work 
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^
I was under the assumption that the op and the girl was already at the stage of "let's have dinner and hang out" or other date-like activities w/o actually being on an official date.
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Zealing's post using Starcraft analogies really is brilliant. I didn't realize it until now.
In addition to the other advice I've given, I forgot to mention someting key. It's over with this girl. You HAVE to find someone different.
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Yeah it hurts.
For a while.
Then you start working out, meet hotter girls and become awesome.
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Girls have produced nothing but happiness in my life
Right up until they tear your fucking heart out and then dangle it in front of your face.
I don't think I'll be dating for a while.
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STOP BEING A SUCH A GOD DAMN PUSSY.
Game lots of girls, it will hurt less and less.
Why do guys get attached to girls that they haven't even slept with?
THIS is typical needy guy bullshit, man the fuck up.
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On March 25 2010 09:06 hifriend wrote:Show nested quote +On March 25 2010 07:59 Pika Chu wrote:I just wrote her a huge, like HUGE e-mail. Probably has like 10 pages of thoughts that i wanted to share with her but didn't get to. I wrote it more for myself. Just wanted to get my thoughts on paper. It's all the naked truth about my feelings and how everything evolved inside. It's about my weaknesses and hers, about her good parts and bad parts.
What do you guys say, should i send it to her or should i not?
I strongly advise against sending her that. Even though your intentions are good it could potentially screw up your friendship completely. Of course, I don't know her, but at least wait a couple of days and see if you still think sending it is a good idea then.
I had a friend who was recently asked by some guy, and she rejected him. He responded in the same way... Bad things happened. Don't do it, seriously. I know exactly what you mean, and why you want to, but still, don't do it.
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Hmmm. I did this once. It was inadvisable. Don't send 10 page emo-shit. Keep it to yourself.
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God, I swear I was never this big of a loser back when I bled my heart to girls.
You poured your heart onto a girl who probably didn't even notice you liked her at all.
You expressed your love to someone who considers you a colleague. No wonder she freaked out, if some loser comes up to me and tells me he loves me out of fucking nowhere.
Cut the emo shit.
Typical pussy on the pedestal syndrome.
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TOO QUICK!! u know her 2 years but really know her 2 weeks!
gotta be slower.
I made my mistake once, too quick, too quick to gobble up all the feelings, it's too much too soon and women too weak to take it.
just sit back and be patient
good luck.
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On March 25 2010 09:27 Comeh wrote:Show nested quote +On March 25 2010 08:19 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
why did you feel it necessary to basically deliver this girl an ultimatum
'i love u and want to be with u forever' is basically what you said
why couldn't you start with 'hey would you like to have dinner with me sometime'? Best advice in the thread. Ignore everyone else. There is nothing more scary then saying BE WITH SO WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND NEVER EXPLORE OTHER OPTIONS
echo !!
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On March 25 2010 10:18 Archaic wrote:Show nested quote +On March 25 2010 09:06 hifriend wrote:On March 25 2010 07:59 Pika Chu wrote:I just wrote her a huge, like HUGE e-mail. Probably has like 10 pages of thoughts that i wanted to share with her but didn't get to. I wrote it more for myself. Just wanted to get my thoughts on paper. It's all the naked truth about my feelings and how everything evolved inside. It's about my weaknesses and hers, about her good parts and bad parts.
What do you guys say, should i send it to her or should i not?
I strongly advise against sending her that. Even though your intentions are good it could potentially screw up your friendship completely. Of course, I don't know her, but at least wait a couple of days and see if you still think sending it is a good idea then. I had a friend who was recently asked by some guy, and she rejected him. He responded in the same way... Bad things happened. Don't do it, seriously. I know exactly what you mean, and why you want to, but still, don't do it.
I would'nt mind doing it, it's over anyways and it really lets the bad airs off your chest once you write that huge email.
Who cares what she thinks (well that's one way to look at it) and just dump it on her face and try to think something positive. It's only fair :p
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You really just pushed far too much on the girl at once. Although you may have admired a girl for a long time, if you haven't shown it and the girl never knew that you liked her or how much you liked her and you suddenly throw everything that had been brewing inside you at once, it will be scalding hot for her. You basically thought too much about it on your own and you scared her off with the sudden explosion that you let out.
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It only hurts the first time
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Even if you're seeing signs, and EVEN if the girl has something going for you, I personally think it's never safe to spill it all out on a single occasion. It's like drawing a two-pair on the flop and going all-in without knowing your opponent has a open-ended straight or a flush draw... k bad analogy, but you get the point.
I think it would have worked out better if you threw signs yourself, little by little. Yeah a casual dinner date, movies, sports, or anything you two like in common - these would have been nice, and as long as you keep your emotional cool it doesn't have to be so obvious. You could have thrown an occasional "you look fabulous today" or "I like your new haircut" you know, stuff like that! Then from there you can naturally build up... well that's the approach I take with the girl(s) that I really like. If I don't give a damn, I'd just play along whatever happens.
At the situation now, I think it's important to re-establish the friendship first, and take it a step at a time. Although the girl said no, that's probably because you threw too much at her, at once. Apologize for putting her on the spot so suddenly, start over, and take it a step at a time.
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Don't listen to anyone who tells you to try again.
Stay as far away from this girl as possible. Improve yourself, talk to many women. Get many girls' numbers. Date many girls. Don't obsess over one girl. You are acting like the biggest creep in the world. Pouring your heart to any woman you haven't been in a relationship for a long time at least is a BIG NO-NO. You will look like a pussy, desperate and turn her the fuck off.
Don't ever have one girl your trying to get with. Have OPTIONS. Pretend like you are the catch, and not some desperate loser.
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MrHoon
10183 Posts
Is it so hard to just get dinner with a girl, then talk a few times over the phone, get to know each other more and then ask her out?
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On March 25 2010 06:09 Pika Chu wrote:
I hate blogs, i never thought I'll make one, here or anywhere. I simply need to write this, since i don't feel like talking with anyone known.
So i just got a NO from a girl i really liked. It's strange, we are colleagues and were so at this master for almost 2 years now. I've always found her interesting and a nice company. I started really liking her a couple of weeks ago. It's maybe because I've found her "human nature" her sensitivity at that point. She simply opened up on me and i tend to like sensitive persons, people who can let me read them, people that are alive, that are human. Hard to explain this properly but it doesn't matter.
So i tried to tell her my feelings, just being direct and sincere. Today i finally had that occasion. I told her, went directly all-in since i liked her... in a profound way, almost getting in love with her. She looked at me amazed while i continued with my speech. She was "oh my god..." and after i told her what i wanted (which is never enough, i would've need 2 days to say everything) i asked her to be sincere about me and tell me if she's interested or not, and she finally told me she's not interested.
I was expecting this, even though she gave me a lot of "interest" signs. Didn't think it will hurt this much, i prepared myself for it... but no matter it still hurts.
I've been in this situation many times. I'm used to it, i don't want any "time will heal, it will pass, etc". And even after happening for so many times, it still hurts.
I would expect everytime this happens you get less sensitive on it and finally you will be immune to it. It will simply not hurt any longer.
So what do you guys think? Will stuff like these always hurt no matter how many you experience and suffer for?
Your approach was wrong. The ladder theory applies well here (even though it's largely untrue). You were on the friends ladder, and tried to jump to the attracted ladder (or whatever it's called, the having sex ladder), and you missed, because that's what happens. The friend zone is a very real thing, and you just didn't realize that you were in it. If you don't make sexual interest clear early on, then there will likely never be sexual interest (and there has to be sexual interest for a relationship... not just I wanna fuck you, but I find you very attractive and would like to get to know you on a much deeper and more personal level, eventually leading to sex).
The reason it hurts is because you think she rejected YOU, when she didn't. She just rejected your approach to her. I don't know if that makes sense to you or not, but that's what happened.
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Anyone would be freaked out if a person they never dated professed their deep love for them out of the blue. Honestly - if that happened to you with a random chick you never thought of "that way" you'd be like WTF - this chick's crazy. You came on waaay to strong. To top it all off, you followed up with an embarrassing and over-the-top letter.
Remember, she wanted to feel like she wasn't pressured and that she had a chance to date a quality man, ie - one with other options/interests/a life that does not revolve around her, particularly in a creepy-stalker-ish way.
So yeah... now there is nothing you can do, you need to drop it and consider it a (painful) learning experience. Next time relax a bit and don't take things that seriously, not until you've dated her for quite a bit.
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EPT
