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My roommate and I know each other since middle school. We are now roommates going to the same college.
We're taking the same class together. Our midterm is this tuesday and all we have to do is memorize 100 words and their definitions. So I figured, hey, why don't we split up the work to do it 50-50?
So I IMed him and talked to him about it. And he tells me he is actually splitting it up with 2 other people. So I'm like, "oh hey that's 33 words per person." Why don't I join in and make it 25 words per person? And he goes "sorry, we already split it up.. i assumed you would take it from me anyway." So here I go..what? You already split it up.. knowing that I am in your same class? Why have you not included me?
I am so baffled. I mean.. I have not been exactly the best roommate. I am quite messy, but I try my best to keep everything on my side of the room. He lives 10 minutes away from me (opposite side of returning to school). But I always drive him home.. then have to go back the way I came to go home. That adds up to a lot of wasted mileage. We share food.. either I/he cooks, and I/he washes. I help him out whenever he needs help, and I return the favor. Whenever he is out of water, I am always happy to give him some of my bottles. Vice versa, I've taken his water bottles too.
Lately, he's been avoiding me whenever we're in the apartment. Whenever I'm inside our room, he goes outside to the living room. Whenever I'm outside, he goes inside. So one day, I finally ask him "what's up with that?" And he replies he likes the quietness of being alone. And.. so I ask why the fuck is he going outside then? We live in the same apartment with 2 other people (4 people). And one is ALWAYS in the living room playing FF13, CoD, or loud music with other people. The living room is NEVER quiet. He used it as a lie and excuse to not be near me. What the fuck is his problem?
My girlfriend says it's.. like hes getting tired of me. Like he's tired of seeing the same person and he sees my bad side because I'm his roommate. But seriously, wtf is that? Leaving me out of shit and everything. Ugh. Just some rant. Got to let it out..
 
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i feel ya bro, but it'l pass if ya'll are good friends. just a perk of living together, my friend of thirteen years is staying with me, first 2 weeks we was sharing this room, now he and his gf took over the upstairs, at times it bugs me then when we do chill its still the same old liek nothing ever changed. maybe your situation is different, but as soon we head to the living room to smoke a joint, after its gone i head back downstairs and he upstairs with an awkward silence to boot. but yeah if its that important to you, i hope it passes, w.e it is.
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You should try talking to him about it again and tell him that you're willing to compromise with whatever it is he has a problem with. Maybe he'll talk about it then if he knows you want to make things better ^_^
But I know what you mean.. people are stupid so often. I've had my fair share of people being annoying/doing stupid things for no reason to me lately as well so I can relate.
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Hey man, feel your pain, but even more so I feel his. It seems like he is in the "I hate everyone around me" phase. Just give him a lot of space, like literally, don't even say hi in the morning unless he engages you first. Don't be mean, but just go on with your business, If he really was your friend he will start talking to you again.
But really man: I'm sure he will appreciate it a lot if you just let him be. The worst thing you can do is try to talk to him and he'll hate you more. (unless he does something that needs to be talked about.)
Or if you think i'm wrong just ignore me. You should know him better than anyone here.
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Flatshare, the best way to lose your best friends ever.
Everybody knows that.
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How can you split up memorizing words? Don't you all have to memorize all the words, anyway?
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On March 22 2010 15:06 Luddite wrote:
How can you split up memorizing words? Don't you all have to memorize all the words, anyway?
I assume they split up the task of writing down the definitions or whatever to make it easier to memorize after ^_^
Edit: But there is one thing I'm failing horribly to understand. Is your friend your roomate or does he live across campus?
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Tell your roommate to his face, "stop being a little bitch, something is obviously wrong so just say it, if you keep acting like nothing is wrong and continue to act weird I will hit you." Say those exact words to him. Problem solved.
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3861 Posts
I think he just wants to try out college life with out you. You said you were friends since middle school, I assume you guys have been doing a lot of things with each other since then. Just let him be for now, give him that respect.
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Smix
United States4549 Posts
Lol, I don't think you should word it the way zulu noted, but I do agree that a one-on-one would help. Once an opportune moment arrives (preferably alone, without others around you) just calmly tell him that you've been noticing him distancing himself from you and say that you'd appreciate it if he told you what's been bothering him. If he's mature and a good guy, he should take that chance to open up to you and hopefully you guys will be able to talk it out.
Being roommates with someone is always very trying in a relationship. If after that, he still refuses to talk to you about it, then I'd suggest just trying to move on from him as a friend. Doesn't mean you have to be antagonistic towards him but, if he really refuses to deal with the situation in a mature manner, it's definitely not worth investing too much into him as a friend.
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Fuck him, do your own thing man. Similar thing happened with me. If they don't want you around, trying to change that is fruitless.
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Fuck, I'm in almost the same situation but I am the D-bag friend... My friend lives on the same floor, used to chill with him everyday, now I am making excuses left and right to ignore him. This blog post makes fell like a fucking loser...
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I can understand your roommate 100%. I regularly go to the internet cafe, even though I got a fast connection at home, just to be able to spend some time alone. I also go out and grab a coffe/read a book by myself on a regular basis. Should be noted that I really like my roommates and I don't think I could have found better ones but if I spend too much time with them I get irretated by all kinds of small things.
Just let him be and find something you can do by yourself aswell. If I was your roommate I would get reallly pissed if you tried to talk to me about it.
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On March 22 2010 15:09 Bibbit wrote:Show nested quote +On March 22 2010 15:06 Luddite wrote:
How can you split up memorizing words? Don't you all have to memorize all the words, anyway? I assume they split up the task of writing down the definitions or whatever to make it easier to memorize after ^_^ Edit: But there is one thing I'm failing horribly to understand. Is your friend your roomate or does he live across campus?
Yeah, I meant to split up the task of writing down the definitions.
And we live in the same apartment near college. Back at our original homes, he lives 10 minutes away (away from my house + college.. so it is a waste of time for me to drive him home because I will pass my own house.. but I do it anyway).
And I guess it is just he wants some time alone from me. I get.. close to people easily. I used to call him almost all the time when I'm off class and stuff. I guess he wants to do some stuff alone and stuff. I think I'll just let it go and do not engage him unless needed.
Seriously.. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore. I get close too easily and whenever I open it, I act too immature and stupid around people I'm close with. I always wanted to have that one "bro" who like.. finishes my sentences. Like you know, always together and do shit and stuff. No homo. Oh well shit.
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you're acting like a wife lol
why do u feel so bad that he doesnt want to be around you this moment in time?
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Stop hitting on him and the awkwardness should pass
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On March 22 2010 15:25 Smix wrote:
Lol, I don't think you should word it the way zulu noted, but I do agree that a one-on-one would help. Once an opportune moment arrives (preferably alone, without others around you) just calmly tell him that you've been noticing him distancing himself from you and say that you'd appreciate it if he told you what's been bothering him. If he's mature and a good guy, he should take that chance to open up to you and hopefully you guys will be able to talk it out.
Being roommates with someone is always very trying in a relationship. If after that, he still refuses to talk to you about it, then I'd suggest just trying to move on from him as a friend. Doesn't mean you have to be antagonistic towards him but, if he really refuses to deal with the situation in a mature manner, it's definitely not worth investing too much into him as a friend.
That sounds so painful... I think it's good to be mature and discuss things and all, but guys can't just "one-on-one" and discuss about the other one is "distancing" him. Just gonna be awkward as hell. And even worse if the word "relationship" comes up at some point oh god. Or maybe I'm just not mature enough I don't know.
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On March 22 2010 14:47 scyper wrote:
My roommate and I know each other since middle school. We are now roommates going to the same college.
We're taking the same class together. Our midterm is this tuesday and all we have to do is memorize 100 words and their definitions. So I figured, hey, why don't we split up the work to do it 50-50?
So I IMed him and talked to him about it. And he tells me he is actually splitting it up with 2 other people. So I'm like, "oh hey that's 33 words per person." Why don't I join in and make it 25 words per person? And he goes "sorry, we already split it up.. i assumed you would take it from me anyway." So here I go..what? You already split it up.. knowing that I am in your same class? Why have you not included me?
I am so baffled. I mean.. I have not been exactly the best roommate. I am quite messy, but I try my best to keep everything on my side of the room. He lives 10 minutes away from me (opposite side of returning to school). But I always drive him home.. then have to go back the way I came to go home. That adds up to a lot of wasted mileage. We share food.. either I/he cooks, and I/he washes. I help him out whenever he needs help, and I return the favor. Whenever he is out of water, I am always happy to give him some of my bottles. Vice versa, I've taken his water bottles too.
Lately, he's been avoiding me whenever we're in the apartment. Whenever I'm inside our room, he goes outside to the living room. Whenever I'm outside, he goes inside. So one day, I finally ask him "what's up with that?" And he replies he likes the quietness of being alone. And.. so I ask why the fuck is he going outside then? We live in the same apartment with 2 other people (4 people). And one is ALWAYS in the living room playing FF13, CoD, or loud music with other people. The living room is NEVER quiet. He used it as a lie and excuse to not be near me. What the fuck is his problem?
My girlfriend says it's.. like hes getting tired of me. Like he's tired of seeing the same person and he sees my bad side because I'm his roommate. But seriously, wtf is that? Leaving me out of shit and everything. Ugh. Just some rant. Got to let it out..
sometimes boyfriend need time alone not with his woman is normal. he go drinking or watches the football or play starcraft. not everything is be you and boyfriend together. maybe he is angry that he must cook and wash and clean? these are not happy things for a mans to do...
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i really like living with my roommate because we're not really friends who hang out all the time, but just two people who are cool with each other. i have my own group of friends and he his, so we don't get 'tired' of each other. i see him in the room sometimes and we chat a bit, make jokes, etc. i feel like rooming with someone who you hang out with all the time may cause you to get tired of that person, and may reveal certain aspects about that person you don't really wanna know. of course, its always possible that youll find someone who is an awesome roomy and an awesome friend - then good for you. i feel like most people arent really like that though - its better to just hang out with some people rather than be with them all the time.
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Smix
United States4549 Posts
On March 22 2010 17:15 11cc wrote:Show nested quote +On March 22 2010 15:25 Smix wrote:
Lol, I don't think you should word it the way zulu noted, but I do agree that a one-on-one would help. Once an opportune moment arrives (preferably alone, without others around you) just calmly tell him that you've been noticing him distancing himself from you and say that you'd appreciate it if he told you what's been bothering him. If he's mature and a good guy, he should take that chance to open up to you and hopefully you guys will be able to talk it out.
Being roommates with someone is always very trying in a relationship. If after that, he still refuses to talk to you about it, then I'd suggest just trying to move on from him as a friend. Doesn't mean you have to be antagonistic towards him but, if he really refuses to deal with the situation in a mature manner, it's definitely not worth investing too much into him as a friend. That sounds so painful... I think it's good to be mature and discuss things and all, but guys can't just "one-on-one" and discuss about the other one is "distancing" him. Just gonna be awkward as hell. And even worse if the word "relationship" comes up at some point oh god. Or maybe I'm just not mature enough I don't know.
I guess giving him space for some time is a better choice for now, but I was suggesting the one-on-one if things continued that way and he really wanted to try to amend things. Looking at the wording now I realize that would be very weird between two guys but that can be reworded so it's less awkward haha.
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lol let him do what he wants.
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On March 22 2010 15:57 scyper wrote:Show nested quote +On March 22 2010 15:09 Bibbit wrote:On March 22 2010 15:06 Luddite wrote:
How can you split up memorizing words? Don't you all have to memorize all the words, anyway? I assume they split up the task of writing down the definitions or whatever to make it easier to memorize after ^_^ Edit: But there is one thing I'm failing horribly to understand. Is your friend your roomate or does he live across campus? Yeah, I meant to split up the task of writing down the definitions. And we live in the same apartment near college. Back at our original homes, he lives 10 minutes away (away from my house + college.. so it is a waste of time for me to drive him home because I will pass my own house.. but I do it anyway). And I guess it is just he wants some time alone from me. I get.. close to people easily. I used to call him almost all the time when I'm off class and stuff. I guess he wants to do some stuff alone and stuff. I think I'll just let it go and do not engage him unless needed. Seriously.. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore. I get close too easily and whenever I open it, I act too immature and stupid around people I'm close with. I always wanted to have that one "bro" who like.. finishes my sentences. Like you know, always together and do shit and stuff. No homo. Oh well shit.
I was the exact same way. I discovered much later that most people don't deserve your opening up to them. I've learned to only get close to someone if they've earned that.
So anyway my advice is just to let him go and do your own thing. Trying to fix it, to make it work again, might make him resent you even more. In my situation I kept trying to hang around, trying to show them that I was a good friend... it led to much pain, backstabbing and ultimately an unrepairable relationship. Now I'm not saying that your friend is as much a piece of shit and would stoop to backstabbing, but I think it would be wise to just give him his space and his time. If he wants to chill again in a few months that's cool.
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United States22883 Posts
On March 22 2010 15:57 scyper wrote:Show nested quote +On March 22 2010 15:09 Bibbit wrote:On March 22 2010 15:06 Luddite wrote:
How can you split up memorizing words? Don't you all have to memorize all the words, anyway? I assume they split up the task of writing down the definitions or whatever to make it easier to memorize after ^_^ Edit: But there is one thing I'm failing horribly to understand. Is your friend your roomate or does he live across campus? Yeah, I meant to split up the task of writing down the definitions. And we live in the same apartment near college. Back at our original homes, he lives 10 minutes away (away from my house + college.. so it is a waste of time for me to drive him home because I will pass my own house.. but I do it anyway). And I guess it is just he wants some time alone from me. I get.. close to people easily. I used to call him almost all the time when I'm off class and stuff. I guess he wants to do some stuff alone and stuff. I think I'll just let it go and do not engage him unless needed. Seriously.. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore. I get close too easily and whenever I open it, I act too immature and stupid around people I'm close with. I always wanted to have that one "bro" who like.. finishes my sentences. Like you know, always together and do shit and stuff. No homo. Oh well shit. You remind me of someone.
![[image loading]](http://opiniones.terra.es/tmp/swotti/cacheDGHLIHRHBGVUDGVKIG1YIHJPCGXLEQ==RW50ZXJ0YWLUBWVUDC1NB3ZPZXM=/imgthe%20talented%20mr%20ripley6.jpg)
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diminishing returns. spending too long can be tiring.
on the side note my roomate and I do tons of stuff together, gym n jogging and cooking
he's bit boring sometimes but cool dood
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Yeah I can kinda see his point though, I mean I'm pretty close with my old roomate but there are lots of times when I avoid him just to get some quality alone time.
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I've ditched at least five people who've acted just like you. I've just disappeared completely and your friend is likely never to return your calls and block you on IM programs once you're no longer living together unless you stop "getting close".
Sort out whatever problems you have with your own family instead and your need to mancrush will end, hopefully.
He's not worth it anyways, he must be a retard since he thought sharing a flat with his middle school tag-along who calls him every day while he never calls would work, so don't waste your time on him.
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Dude you REALLY need to get a life outside of your house, your roommate has other shit going on and so should you. It's not normal to be following some dude around all the time. People get tired of eachother after spending all of their time together.
Seriously why the fuck are you still trying to hang out with someone who's actively avoiding you anyway? Get some friends who won't (and don't follow them around everywhere), stand up for yourself.
Also did you really just use the words 'no homo'? Only homos do that.
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Like I have said.. I have always wanted to have one of those "real bro" relationship where we're like best of friends and stuff. So I thought this was the one. I already have a girlfriend so there's no gay thing going on. I also have lots of stuff going on like work and this organization that I'm in. It's not like I'm with him all the time. I just don't get the fact why he would leave me out of a studying task like that when it would lessen his work. Thought that was real fucked up.
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OH man I just have to thank Jibba for that laugh.
My advice is that you have to just recognize when your roomie is in the mood to socialize with you and embrace and enjoy it. But more importantly you need to notice the hints he will inevitably give through his body language, and replies and stuff. It totally sounds like he's a bit sick of you tbh.
Also you can't just go at friendships like its shopping "this is the one" you have to be easy with it
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EPT
