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Chill
Calgary26004 Posts
For example: "You fucking idiot, of course you use a comma." You: "I've never seen that before, I assumed both were acceptable. But I'm not a fucking idiot, I've just never done this before." But it sounds like you did that so I can't offer anything except deal with this problem directly and firmly instead of letting the situation build into a passive aggressive place where no one is talking to each other. | ||
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Sadistx
Zimbabwe5568 Posts
On January 15 2010 23:06 JohnColtrane wrote: punch your dad in the face for being a dick head | ||
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ShroomyD
Australia245 Posts
On January 15 2010 23:06 JohnColtrane wrote: punch your dad in the face for being a dick head Yea!!! Punch your dad's head in the dick! | ||
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jambonkingcool
Canada186 Posts
On January 16 2010 01:27 Chill wrote: This is seriously fucked up. I find the best way to act in this situation where someone is enraged is to stay ridiculously calm but firm. For example: "You fucking idiot, of course you use a comma." You: "I've never seen that before, I assumed both were acceptable. But I'm not a fucking idiot, I've just never done this before." That. Stay calm and rational, and choose your words/tone wisely as you don't want to add fuel to the fire. Usually people tend to calm down when they realize they're they only one yelling and being angry. | ||
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Chill
Calgary26004 Posts
On January 16 2010 02:00 jambonkingcool wrote: That. Stay calm and rational, and choose your words/tone wisely as you don't want to add fuel to the fire. Usually people tend to calm down when they realize they're they only one yelling and being angry. Further, if you can think ahead, avoid phrases that are going to cause problems. Don't say sorry or apologize because you've done nothing wrong. Don't use phrases like "I'm trying my best" because that will lead to more comments about how your best sucks etc. | ||
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Pokebunny
United States10654 Posts
On January 16 2010 00:21 Wretched wrote: No offence, but if you are on an accelerated college program how can you mange to write something so difficult to read? I honestly thought English was your second language after reading your OP. Most people in an english speaking country would refer to their 'parentals' as "parents" or "dad" or "father". Parent is the noun. Parental is more like an adjective. I also don't understand why you had to write a thank you letter? And who it was for? And why it matters a rats why it needs to be formatted so perfectly? edit: Just looked up parentals, and it can be used as a noun. I am surprised because i have NEVER heard it used like that before. Maybe its more common in America? you crazy Americans butchering the english language hahah! edit 2: its still stupid, why would you add unnecessary letters and syllables onto a well established word? edit 3: none of my spell checkers recognize parentals as a word Agreed with this guy. You plan on going to an accelerated program with this English? Everything I have seen you write has been extremely awkward to read, which personally rubs me a bad way before even thinking about the content you post | ||
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Misrah
United States1695 Posts
For the grammar Nazi- Sorry that my English was sub par. My only excuse was it was 6:30am I had 5 hours of sleep, and had just gotten through this yelling fest 10 min prior to writing. I was emotionally hot headed and just needed to blow off steam. So i typed, and played some SC. Sorry that this work is not Pulitzer worthy. | ||
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Infested Terran
80 Posts
You can try to be calm, but I dont think it will help in any way. January 13, 2010 When I see dates like this I nearly cry; it's a bit better than 1 13 2010 though. Why cant people write yyyy mm dd or dd mm yyyy? Writing the date otherwise is retarded; because of this bullshit months need to be written with a word. I dont think people from usa know roman numerals so 13 I 2010 is out of the question too. This seems unimportant, but believe me, it makes you wanna cry when you have a lot of documents. I also hate people who dont write a short description in the beginning of the letter; the dreaded title in a letter is so damn useful, yet so discouraged.. I once had to read like 3000 letters of a manager that quit/got booted/w/e and it would nearly make me cry when I learned wtf is the letter about only after reading half of it. | ||
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BanZu
United States3329 Posts
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Leg[end]
United States241 Posts
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Ilikestarcraft
Korea (South)17743 Posts
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Leg[end]
United States241 Posts
On January 16 2010 02:03 Pokebunny wrote: Agreed with this guy. You plan on going to an accelerated program with this English? Everything I have seen you write has been extremely awkward to read, which personally rubs me a bad way before even thinking about the content you post Wow, you're right. That was completely helpful to the OP and not in any way unnecessary. T_T | ||
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MiniRoman
Canada3953 Posts
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starfries
Canada3508 Posts
On January 16 2010 02:29 Infested Terran wrote: Your "parental" is probably trying to find a way to stop paying for your education. You can try to be calm, but I dont think it will help in any way. When I see dates like this I nearly cry; it's a bit better than 1 13 2010 though. Why cant people write yyyy mm dd or dd mm yyyy? Writing the date otherwise is retarded; because of this bullshit months need to be written with a word. I dont think people from usa know roman numerals so 13 I 2010 is out of the question too. This seems unimportant, but believe me, it makes you wanna cry when you have a lot of documents. I also hate people who dont write a short description in the beginning of the letter; the dreaded title in a letter is so damn useful, yet so discouraged.. I once had to read like 3000 letters of a manager that quit/got booted/w/e and it would nearly make me cry when I learned wtf is the letter about only after reading half of it. I don't see anything wrong with Jan 13, 2010... out of curiosity what country do you live in? the birthday on my driver's license is in 1 13 2010 format which is pretty retarded though. i agree dd/mm/yyyy is best but so is metric and you know how people don't like to change.. to the op, colon is actually correct, business letters should use that (its not a semicolon lol). but i like to use the comma just to be friendly, if for example i'm writing to a hr person i've talked to before. colon is generally reserved for people i've never contacted and "to whom it may concern" | ||
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UFO
582 Posts
You are not your emotions/beliefs/thoughts - anytime you feel them and they distract you - disengage from them, seperate from them by realizing this simple thing. The situation is really not looking as bad as u might think. The first thing you can do is to find out why this letter was so bad and find out how to make a correct one but if it ll take more than a few minutes then go on. Keep your focus on being you, the one who stands behind the reasoning and logic and who is using it along with thoughs/emotions/beliefs as a tool to heal the situation. Now look at the whole situation. I mean whole. Not just that your father got angry, not just the letter. Situation includes everything related to it. Think what scenario do u want. You propably want your father understanding you and his negative attitudes to stop . Avoiding the consequences that are not just as well. You don`t diserve to be treated like shit , it isn`t just at all. Anything like getting your keys taken away - if they want good for you then they shouldn`t do it if you will prove them that you are intelligent and it was just a misjudgment of the situation from your side. Think what are most important things about the whole situation : a) You need to know how to ensure that u will do what needs to be done to cure this situation b) To do this you need to change parental point of view so that he no longer holds some unrealistic, strict expectations that most propably caused all his anger. You need to understand his motives, reasoning, what are his values and foremost - how is it related to you. c) To do this - use what makes people understand each other - its different from what u do when you try to prove others wrong or prove that what you say is right. To make him understand - first understand him - ie say that you understand that he got angry , that it was because your mistake made his expectations about you a failed ones and that its natural to get angry when your expectations fail hard. Then explain in a most reasonable , logical way - what really caused this whole argument ? It was the letter - then it was you who misjudged the situation and argued about being called an idiot for no reason when there was reason for it - then it was father who was annoyed even more for such ignorance from your side coupled by acting like a smartass when you were dead wrong. That in his point of view it really does have to look like a serious fuck-up ..... but mb his expectations are a bit missjudged ? You didn`t realize that it might be so important to him. He didn`t want to take time to check your letter. Maybe it was because he never actually learned you the importance of such thing in any clear way which caused you to be unaware of this and behave like that. Now you could say somthing like : "I`m sorry, I fucked up but you don`t have shout on me and call me a fucking idiot without even explaining it .... can you tell me why was this letter so bad and how can I correct whole this situation ? To be sure - this is just an example - but you can extract the idea from it and use it accordingly to your knowledge of the details of the situation - it is your situation more than mine after all. With such attitude you are aiming to actually trigger him to understand you and stop his unpleasant behavior - more importantly - stop him from taking away whats important for you. However, to do so you need to present a solid and complete logic to him. First and foremost - all of what you say [b]has to be true from his point of view[b] . Preferably true overall because its more safe way but sometimes lie is a lot better thing for everyone than truth telling. Logic can tell. Thats the key. If you will succed in making him believe that what you say is true indeed - you have 6/10 succes. 40 % is what you make him believe into. This is not manipulation - this is correcting the situation and remember this all the time especially during the talk/talks - your aim is to correct it for everyone. That works. PS. You don`t need to talk asap when they get back. Think as broadly as possible. You can manage , good luck. | ||
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Altair
243 Posts
You are a fucking idiot. This is not the correct way to address a fucking business letter lol I would not apologize after being called a "fucking idiot" ask them to enlighten you about the proper way to address a "fucking business letter". However don't get into a serious argument with your parents because they always win and do what they want especially when you depend on them for financial support. | ||
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UFO
582 Posts
This doesn`t mean to not make plans. Make them but remember to use them only when they will do good , don`t get the attitude to follow it no matter what. If the situation is getting in a scenario which your plan doesn`t exactly state what to do about or that states something which your logic disagrees with - don`t follow it , follow logic. Ensure that you talk only about things that u understand - if u do not then let go or state that you don`t understand . If you even once get caught on talking bullshit - you may lose a lot. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What I`m aiming to do is to give informations that will enable you to act in a lot more coherent way in regard to your current goal which is to fix this situation . I ll make a try to make guidelines but what is the true source of power for problem-solving lies beyond definitions and words so it might require a very careful viewing. I d call this to direct your creativity/intelligence into what you want instead of shooting blindly and relying on assumptions of what is what - which are in most cases very very wrong. 1. Think what is your true goal about the situation and if it is coherent to the most important values/goals in your entire life. Make it a directive - let yourself know that this is the directive and it is achieved - and now you r gonna find out how it is achieved. 2. Think how to achieve this goal - everything what u need to do/know/realize/learn/accept/disengage from in order to achieve it - IF the speed is important for situation , include the fastest possible method, the more top priority the more the time is important . 3. Explaining it here would take too long but - make your intention that the goal is good for everyone - it makes its chances to succes a lot better. 4. Follow the true logic which perceives that everything is connected in some way. Your father got angry but it is connected with his expectations, then beliefs, then what he experienced , then what situation he is right now at work/home/outside etc These all have meaning . Just remind yourself - you are n o t your thoughts/emotions/beliefs . You control them and to the degree you do not - you are not able to use them in order to fix the siutation. This simple realization gets you a whole lot more control over these. Keep yourself in this state and navigate , looking on the wholeness of situation with an insightful eye, where your logic is your best servant. 5. I said it already but its important - make your intentions good ones for everone. Let yourself masterfuly lead to their realization , without falling into the trap of beliefs/emotions/thoughts - instead remain in the state of navigating them. 6. Understand others - let them know that they are understood - chances that then they will want to understand you are very hight and in case of a familiy member its often sure. Then, in a skillful and intelligent way that you can well know - express the honest intention to fix the situation . | ||
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Djabanete
United States2786 Posts
On January 15 2010 23:36 iG.Zeep wrote: your dad is a bitch I think this person hit the nail on the head. It is not OK to call anybody a "fucking idiot" for the kind of tiny mistake you made (if it even was a mistake), let alone your own son. Yelling and shoving you around is completely unacceptable as well. I have no experience dealing with BS like that, so I don't really have any advice, but you should know that your dad was COMPLETELY out of line, and if things occurred as you described, there is no justification for his behavior. To be honest he sounds like a total jerk. | ||
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Leg[end]
United States241 Posts
On January 16 2010 05:14 Djabanete wrote: I think this person hit the nail on the head. It is not OK to call anybody a "fucking idiot" for the kind of tiny mistake you made (if it even was a mistake), let alone your own son. Yelling and shoving you around is completely unacceptable as well. I have no experience dealing with BS like that, so I don't really have any advice, but you should know that your dad was COMPLETELY out of line, and if things occurred as you described, there is no justification for his behavior. To be honest he sounds like a total jerk. well said | ||
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Probe.
United States877 Posts
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