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Hey TL I am writing to you this morning after what just happened about 1 hour ago. I really want to hear your opinions as to how i could have avoided or made the situation better. Because right now it has spiraled out of control and i have no idea what i am going to do about it, once the opposing party comes home from a road trip. I need your advice more than i ever have TL- because this is going to determine a really large step for me in my life.
The story:
This morning at 6:30 / 6:45 am me and one of my parents were going to drive down to my college and clear my room of the belongings inside. Because i will be transferring schools, i need to make sure that my room is clear, and that my new room has everything it needs. So i set my alarm for 6 and got ready. I showered and then came down stairs to my parents office at 6:15. Once there we both said good morning, and then my parental asked me for the thank you letter I had written. Because the parental did not have time to personally review it last night, parental wanted it now.
So i went upstairs and retrieved the letter. It was very short- and I had written it inside of ten min. However that was not the issue when i had brought it down stairs. I am simply going to post the letter heading, and I am going to ask anyone that is in a professional field where i went so wrong. I created the heading from simply looking at a google image that showed the correct way to set a business heading.
The Heading:
Wednesday, January 2010
John Smith, BSN, MS
1111 Green Road
Somewhere, Anyplace 11111
Dear John Smith:
_______________________________________________________
Now that was what i had originally had. According to the web page that showed how to create a business heading, that was the proper way to address the letter. Upon showing my parental this letter- it asked me what is wrong with the letter. When i responded with "I don't know" and "I simply copied a sample business heading online, the parental said these exact words: You are a fucking idiot. This is not the correct way to address a fucking business letter. The parental pointed out to me that the date was written oddly, and i agreed- however i simply said that is why I had asked him to review it last night (when the parental did not have time i guess.)
Parental then had a problem with the Semicolon after dear. While i fully understand that a comma is normally after dear, the sample showed a semicolon so that is what i placed. I was also called an idiot again, and upon having a business letter from my parental shoved into my face, was told to fix this. Walking out of the parentals study, parental said over their shoulder that its pathetic that i had made this kind of mistake, and it's a fucking joke that i need to look this letter over.
A bit angry I quickly sat down to fix the mistakes on my letter, by just copying the letter that was handed to me. However i noticed that the only change I needed to make was the date. Which instead read- January 13, 2010. However what struck me was the fact that in this letter, a semicolon (not a comma) appeared after Dear as well. Becoming very angry for having been yelled at, and humiliated inside of 10min of being awake I walked back upstairs and showed the parental this discrepancy.
Handing the paper to the parental I told it that in no uncertain terms am i a fucking idiot, and there plain as day is a semi colon on the letter you supposedly said to copy. Just like my original letter. Walking out the room I was going to print out said letter from my printer, when all hell broke loose. Storming into the computer room the parental started to yell, and told me to not be a smart ass. Parental pushed me into the wall and proceeded to tell me that "so this is how it's going to be?" When i am paying for your college and all of this shit, this is what I get?
Basically long story short- because of all this the following ended up happening:
Parental took my room keys, and ID card and is now driving 2.5 hours away to get 'parentals stuff' out of 'parentals room' because my parents split the cost of college with me by graciously covering my room and board.
So here i sit, shaken and not sure what to do when parental comes back. I was not allowed to drive there to pick up my belongings, and when i called again was also told that i would be of no use... So i am stuck sitting at home.
the most important question TL is this: I don't care who is right or wrong, I am probably in the wrong i guess... But what do i do to make this situation better when the parental gets home?
I realize that there is bias in my story because i had written it.. But to the more senior members of TL and parents especially, what can i do to fix this situation? Because i am still going to be living at home for 2 more weeks. Thanks a lot guys and gals.
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just say, look dad/mum im sorry things got out of control and im sorry i didn't mean it that way... and if he is really your parents they will forgive you. (even though you may feel you haven't done anything wrong)
and i think its wrong for your parents to say shit like "i'm paying for your college and shit blah blah"
they had sex, they wanted a kid and they got you so saying that sort of rubbish seems ironic probably just had a bad day and bad choice of words i guess but shit hits the fan
this doesn't really sound like a MASSSSSSSSSSSSSSIVE problem but im sure time will get things better.. don't worry too much and just relax son
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punch your dad in the face for being a dick head
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konadora
Singapore66063 Posts
I never heard of this term being used by itself before (in Singapore), so I want to ask, what is "parental"?
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a parent
like mother or father
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i am not sure, but i have made up / been using the word to refer to parents.
"my parental units said that i could come over to your house'
"The parentals want me back by 11"
I don't know if that helps but i don't think that it really is a word in the dictionary.
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konadora
Singapore66063 Posts
lol no wonder I couldn't understand what was going on.. ok.
*continues to read*
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From what you've written, he's a complete asshole.
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konadora
Singapore66063 Posts
Ok.. uh
Wtf is with your dad?
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wtf. The parental was totally unreasonable
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Is this very sudden or something? I would have imagined you to be already used to this.
Why are you switching colleges?
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On January 15 2010 23:36 Cloud wrote:
Is this very sudden or something? I would have imagined you to be already used to this.
Why are you switching colleges?
Because i am going into an accelerated program and i don't want to go the slow way lol
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no idea what nationality or culture you are from, but where i come from any parents who act the way yours have, would be considered borderline psychotic.
in fact, i would consider that verbal and physical abuse.
To me it sounds like your relationship with your parents is more like a business relationship. If it were me i would want to try to build a more friendship relationship with them. Maybe they need to get to know you better or maybe you need to get to know them.
I think that by the time you are an adult, your parents should treat you like an adult and not like a dog. but you will need to put that aside and forgive them if you want the situation to improve. If you want them to understand you, you might need to make an effort and open up.
if your culture doesn't permit this, then just be aware that there are others which do.
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On January 15 2010 23:48 Wretched wrote:
no idea what nationality or culture you are from, but where i come from any parents who act the way yours have, would be considered borderline psychotic.
in fact, i would consider that verbal and physical abuse.
To me it sounds like your relationship with your parents is more like a business relationship. If it were me i would want to try to build a more friendship relationship with them. Maybe they need to get to know you better or maybe you need to get to know them.
I think that by the time you are an adult, your parents should treat you like an adult and not like a dog. but you will need to put that aside and forgive them if you want the situation to improve. If you want them to understand you, you might need to make an effort and open up.
if your culture doesn't permit this, then just be aware that there are others which do.
I am 21 years old. I am white middle class americana.
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As stupid and illogical your parental's action was, you should still apologize and make amends for it. Yes, it's dumb and pointless but parents are used to being right with their kids "just because" and with you a good 21 years so far. They're not about to change anytime soon and you'll eventually find that there are other things worth stressing and being angry over. Pick your battles, and honestly if your parents are there to fix your mistakes, at least you have someone there to fix them.
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No offence, but if you are on an accelerated college program how can you mange to write something so difficult to read? I honestly thought English was your second language after reading your OP. Most people in an english speaking country would refer to their 'parentals' as "parents" or "dad" or "father".
Parent is the noun. Parental is more like an adjective.
I also don't understand why you had to write a thank you letter? And who it was for? And why it matters a rats why it needs to be formatted so perfectly?
edit: Just looked up parentals, and it can be used as a noun. I am surprised because i have NEVER heard it used like that before. Maybe its more common in America? you crazy Americans butchering the english language hahah!
edit 2: its still stupid, why would you add unnecessary letters and syllables onto a well established word?
edit 3: none of my spell checkers recognize parentals as a word
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If this is exactly as it happened then it's your parents who have anger management issues. Also, ";" is a semicolon, the punctuation to which you are referring (":") is a colon. Colons are commonly used after the Dear name in formal letters, whereas commas are for personal letters. So--at least as I learned it--your original is correct for a formal business letter, however you're just calling the colon a semicolon.
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Your parent was probably just pissed off about something or a whole different lot of things - clearing out their schedule by doing extra work the night before so they could wake up at 6AM and drive 2 hours to do physical labor doesn't sound like a lot of fun, and in the end when you came with your letter it was probably just another little thing. Try and understand things from his point of view.
That being said, he/she does have a temper/anger issues. This isn't something you can really change though you can point it out to them in more neutral settings; your parent's going to have to realize what effects their behavior has on other people before they can change.
In the case that they might realize that what they did/said to you was probably a Bad Thing To Do, take the initiative and apologize - be sincere about it. You may not feel like you did anything wrong (which is fine), but simply taking responsibility for helping to create the situation no matter what you did is the mature thing to do. Apologize anyway, even if they don't... they might have a realization then.
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yeah i guess apologizing is the best way to make it all better
maybe do something for them which shows that you appreciate them? For my parents that would be helping with the housework.
make yourself helpful and don't be a slob while you're around them
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EPT
