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On December 27 2009 22:16 Bebop Berserker wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 22:14 johanes wrote:On December 27 2009 22:05 Bebop Berserker wrote: Just to let you know, you may fall in love with her again if you break up with her and she gets a new bf or flirts or whatever. Its important you understand that you truly truly dont want her.l If you have no interest in her then you can't do anything except try to back off and have a more lax relationship. Relationships tend to get stagnant unless both members keep doing things outside the relationship. Anyways, just a warning there may be a role reversal if you dont make sure it ended the best way possible. and regrets are a bitch, my friend.
h and dont have sex for fucks sake. You will lose interest again in 3 months tops. Sex is good to have for intimacy, but definantly not good for forming the basis of a relationship.Plus, youll feel even worse progressing the relationship without any true intentions of a promise. i dont agree with sex not being good for the basis of relationships, it is its vital part. You cant have completely fulfilling relationship with omitting something as important as sex. Im not try to say that love is sex, but that sex is importatnt part of love and thus imortant part of relationship. if you think you cant have a fulfilling relationship without sex, your probably mentally handicapped. no, i am just adult human
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Sack up man. If u cant deal with ending a relationship then dont start one. Seriously are u 15 or something? Stop hurting her by dragging it out. And u should prolly learn to be with someone because getting bored after a year seems kinda weird. How do u ever plan on getting married?
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On December 27 2009 22:18 johanes wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 22:16 Bebop Berserker wrote:On December 27 2009 22:14 johanes wrote:On December 27 2009 22:05 Bebop Berserker wrote: Just to let you know, you may fall in love with her again if you break up with her and she gets a new bf or flirts or whatever. Its important you understand that you truly truly dont want her.l If you have no interest in her then you can't do anything except try to back off and have a more lax relationship. Relationships tend to get stagnant unless both members keep doing things outside the relationship. Anyways, just a warning there may be a role reversal if you dont make sure it ended the best way possible. and regrets are a bitch, my friend.
h and dont have sex for fucks sake. You will lose interest again in 3 months tops. Sex is good to have for intimacy, but definantly not good for forming the basis of a relationship.Plus, youll feel even worse progressing the relationship without any true intentions of a promise. i dont agree with sex not being good for the basis of relationships, it is its vital part. You cant have completely fulfilling relationship with omitting something as important as sex. Im not try to say that love is sex, but that sex is importatnt part of love and thus imortant part of relationship. if you think you cant have a fulfilling relationship without sex, your probably mentally handicapped. no, i am just adult human
agreed, sex is an important part of a relationship
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YOU ARE THE ALPHA MALE.
YOU DO NOT NEED EMPATHY.
WOMEN ARE NOT YOUR LIFE.
YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT.
YOUR MISSION IS TO SPREAD YOUR GENES TO AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE.
Just detach yourself emotionally, imagine her taking a dump whenever you get the feeling of missing her. Unless of course you are so inclined to find that attractive.
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Do the most simple thing. Talk & listen and see where it goes from there.
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On December 27 2009 23:43 JMave wrote: Do the most simple thing. Talk & listen and see where it goes from there.
best advice I've seen thus far. Just talk to her and explain The Situation (sorry, I just had to). Tell her how you feel but at the same time don't want it to be like this and try to work something out. And if that fails, you might want to just end it with her and live with the consequences whatever they may be.
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Bosnia-Herzegovina41 Posts
If you let the girl who loves you you are a dick. You love/loved her right, you care about her.. try to change relationship - think new things, about the future, do with her what you always wanted to do and never had time. Make that things happen, dont be lazy - and it seems you are lazy, because you were too lazy to buy a freakin gift. Dont do the same boring dates, if you are bored then she's probably bored also. Being away for long period from each other is a problem, if thats gonna change be patient, give it a chance. The easiest thing is to break up and then realize what you have just lost. It can be very hard to find a girl you love/like and she has the same feelings.
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Do not break up with her just because you've lost interest.
I done this 1+ year ago to a girl who was madly in love with me and I still regret it today and would definitely go back if i could.
Losing interest is natural. You can't always be living in the clouds when your going out with someone. You should get to know her better, you've not even brushed the surface of who she is yet you've only known her for a year.
Spend time doing different things than your used to with her. Going to different places etc..
Love sacrificially, this is the test of your love. If your only with her for the comfort/excitement you get out of it, then you'll leave her. If you really love her you'll stay by her even during these hard times.
Will the relationship pick up again? yes.
Think about this for a second, if you leave her, and you meet another girl, after being with the new girl for a year, and you lose interest in her, you'll do the same and be back to square one.
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On December 28 2009 00:42 TechniQ.UK wrote: Do not break up with her just because you've lost interest.
I done this 1+ year ago to a girl who was madly in love with me and I still regret it today and would definitely go back if i could.
Losing interest is natural. You can't always be living in the clouds when your going out with someone. You should get to know her better, you've not even brushed the surface of who she is yet you've only known her for a year.
Spend time doing different things than your used to with her. Going to different places etc..
Love sacrificially, this is the test of your love. If your only with her for the comfort/excitement you get out of it, then you'll leave her. If you really love her you'll stay by her even during these hard times.
Will the relationship pick up again? yes.
Think about this for a second, if you leave her, and you meet another girl, after being with the new girl for a year, and you lose interest in her, you'll do the same and be back to square one.
But you banged more women along the way.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you are now experienced in the fact that you can get bored with anyone. So if you approach a babe you can see how even if you get with her eventually you'll get bored. Thus you relax and gain confidence and have higher chances of success.
Do whatever you want, but if you can't stop being bored with her give it up and just forget about it.
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Wow, 3 pages without a StarCraft joke, we're doing good here guys.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with you feeling like that, frankly, you're a jackass.
It's not her, it's me. I really think no matter who I date, eventually, I lose interest.
Uh yeah, no matter how you try to put it, it's really overused and cheezy, that line sucks no matter how you mean it. Well I guess you two should try to grow apart? It's like breaking up but you two are taking your time to get used to not seeing each other (well as far as OP tells, you're fine without her). I think the problem was that you sort of "jumped" into this relationship a bit too fast? It's not really clear what the 2 years meant. Two years of being together? I think you two should have dated longer (sorry if this confuses you but dating and being in a relationship are two different things, I don't know if the same applies over that part of the world).
Maybe you should have stayed away or something since you know that you eventually lose interest in a person, because you just do.
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To make the right choice - examining exactly what truly is the cause of your interest lost can be vital.
There can be many reasons. Only you can determine it, with help or without.
Let me just describe the most possible scenario ( imo ) :
You take her and her love for granted - this would be very much understandable because of how she acts ( all those gifts, crying etc ) . Granted - what does it mean ? If something is granted - we CAN have it , no matter what will we do or even won`t do. So the conclusion is : it doesn`t require attention. Is something that doesn`t require attention interesting ? For most people - not.
If this would be the cause ( and its highly propable imo ) : then is that assumption correct ? That u have her for granted ? That almost no matter what u will do , she will forgive you or understand or appreciate it or w/e ? That u are everything to her ?
If it is and it propably is, in propably high degree : then what ? You might conciously or unconciously think that she isn`t any challenge for you. You don`t have to fight to get her. You don`t have to work to get her. You almost do not have to do anything, put any effort to get her attention, apprecation, understanding and whatever you want , because she loves you as you are.
What usually makes us more interested ? When the object is hard to get, when we really have to put a lot of effort and skill into getting it , because it is that hard. It makes us interested because achieving a hard goal makes us and others think that we are someone strong, smart, special and therefore makes others appreciate us.
Now - you achieve a hard goal to prove u are better than others ? Or u do it because you want to be appreciated ? These 2 - aren`t the same things - first one is sensless , second one is a clean intention. You propably won`t agree but I think this is how it is : P
She isn`t enough of or at all a challange to you, right ? She doesn`t give you what u are interested in ? What are u interested in that she doesn`t have and other girl would have ? What is it that she doesn`t give you now ?
Is she too stable, too simple, too < sth > , that makes her an uninteresting object ? Is it that you explored her whole character and there is nothing new or fresh to learn about her anymore ?
Now think why she is still so interested in you ( if she really is ) . What do u posses and what the relationship did posses, what way did it went , what happened that all of it makes the situation u are both in now ? What are the causes/cause behind it and how to fix it for both of you ?
.
Thats as far as I go for now bro. It is just what I think.
The one who can make the right choice is you and only you . Only thing I can help you with is to tell you to look at the wholeness of the situation. I mean every single thing that is related to it, because if it is then it influenced it or still influences or will influence. There is propably a lot more connected to this than you propably would assume ( everything is connected to it somehow , I mean those connection which matter enough ) .
Hope I helped , gl hf : )
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shes studying abroad? let her have fun. tell her that u guys need time and that u'll see what happens when she gets back. but for now, even tho she might cry a little at first, let her enjoy herself wherever she is. a study abroad is kind of a one time thing, so make her understand that its also in her best interest to meet new people there. if u can, try to convince her that ur not gonna fall for anyone else, that u just wanna get your feet wet kinda and date a bit, nothing serious. and that when she gets back, things will get back to normal (they should).
ps: ur not losing interest stupid. its more like, ur becoming more interested in what else is out there, which is normal, and ur young, so theres nothing wrong with wanting to experience other people. but u gotta decide smartly which option u go for. the secure--the nice girl u already have, or the unknown--u might end up losing more than what u gain from experiencing other people.
so play it wisely. if you need time to really remind yourself of how important your relationship is, dont be afraid to tell her.
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Uhm just to complete it - you are responsible for your lost of interest too. Its not your fault, no but you are responsible, more or less. You control what u think, what u do, thus what u believe in , thus what u feel and all of it in other order. You can choose what is best for both of you.
Both you and her can change yourselfs and your relationship to make the best out of it, what u really both want. I guess its really hard to change her but it is possible , tho it might propably require some ethic manipulation. If it truly is for right reasons then it is quite right to do so.
She might have taken your love for granted, it is a possibilty as well. Mb she even expects you to give it back, to be to her like she is to you. This would be and there might be other , similar , wrong assumptions like that from her side ( mb yours too ). You have the information about it, you can chose what is the best possible way to fix it.
Breaking up - I would treat it as the last resort, if I was really sure that it would be better for everyone. I mean sure - that is when you made a decision that is the highest possible logic u can force yourself to do, when it isn`t covered by feelings/prejudices/believes/others opinions - instead uses these elemets as information , that it is the most better possible choice than the best choice you can make .
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United States41680 Posts
On December 27 2009 22:16 Bebop Berserker wrote: your probably mentally handicapped. lol
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Yeah the "new car smell" will always fad off. But if you seriously miss her when she isnt around, yet your bored with her ask yourself this: What qualities in a girl do you like? Does the girl your with possess these qualities?
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ROFL@ OP!! sry, jus.. i haven't seen someone with that much vagina juice in a while.
But guys, seriously???? you're gonna reccommend him to fuck her so that she is MORE emotionally psychoed-up from what I can tell already cray-cray? If you lost interest now, you are certainly going to do it again, and when that happens... whewwwwww. I mean, at worst she might stab you, but at least all her friends will talk shit about you for a while.
I call evac on the situation. Think of it as escaping a fire with first degree burns. Yeah, your burns will sting, and you lost some stuff in the fire, but you are most of your skin.
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It sounds like your just hitting that more familiar phase where the relationship has gotten to the point where its no longer new and exciting. You said you still care for her so try to mix things up and stir up excitement. Every relationship hits a sagging point and the true test is if you two can still be happy together through it. If not then I guess you just have to let it go and move on.
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No one is in position to give you direct advice but here are somethings to think about.
People tend to lose interest after having it for years. Things to spice a relationship might be more teasing, argument, and sex. However habits are developed hence the feeling of emptiness after each of your several breakup.
Some question to think about: will you be jealous if she go out with another guy? If she hit by another guy? etc.
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You're just getting used to her. It happens to a lot of people, but don't break up just because of it. Like others said, trying to spice up your relationship might help. Maybe talk it over with her and take a break from her. Make it clear that you two aren't breaking up and see how you feel after this. Good luck :D
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I read through every reply and I thank you all of you for them. No one called me a troll which I was a little afraid of, and no Starcraft jokes. haha. Some of you also PM'd me and they all helped. She really does mean a lot to me, so I will try to do some exciting things like go to the park (its all decorated and christmasy now) and go ice skating there too. If after going out to dinner and stuff still makes me feel weird, then I guess it is time to end it. Thanks~
I was a bit afraid to ask from a gaming site, but TL.net has proven again that it is more than just a website about Starcraft.
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