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This is kind of embarassing, but I really need help and I don't know where else to go but TL.net (wtf?? a gaming site)?
Oh well.. anyway.
I asked out a girl who I was really in love with. She wavered, but eventually said yes. She is possibly one of the nicest girl ever. I had a girlfriend before, but this is her first relationship. I took her first kiss. It has been about 2 years now. About a year and a half in.. I began to lose interest in her. It has nothing to do with her at all. She's still the same, cute and really nice. But I am just losing interest. It's not her, it's me. I really think no matter who I date, eventually, I lose interest.
When I say lose interest.. it's like this. I do not miss her if I do not see her for a day or two. I do not feel the need to hug her that much. I do not feel as much fun being with her on a date out. However, I still care about her very much. I do not want to see her sad at all. That is why I am writing this, because I do not want to hurt her.
Now.. I guess we should break up? But I do not want to hurt her. She has not lost interest at all.. still loves me a lot. She is studying abroad and just came back for 2 weeks. She got me a TON of gifts and like two large packs (of like 10 each) of handwarmer..things. Those things that heat up when you twist them or something? Because it is cold at my apartment so she got me those.. and a bunch of lovely things. Me? I did not even think of anything to get her. It is like I do not find joy in giving her anything. Like I have grown too used to her.
She knows that I have been losing interest and has been really depressed because of this. I tried breaking up and she would cry all night and her eyes get swollen the next day. I can not bear to do this. So I really do not know what to do. I feel like breaking up is the right thing so she can eventually move on. But I still cling onto this hoping I fall back in love with her.
And I really feel like shit. I feel like the biggest jackass in the world. I got her into this by asking her out. I got her to love me back. I stole her first kiss. I am her first ever relationship. Now <i>I</I> am the one losing interest..
What do I do TL.net?
 
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Canada7170 Posts
On December 27 2009 17:58 scyper wrote:
This is kind of embarassing, but I really need help and I don't know where else to go but TL.net (wtf?? a gaming site)?
Oh well.. anyway.
I asked out a girl who I was really in love with. She wavered, but eventually said yes. She is possibly one of the nicest girl ever. I had a girlfriend before, but this is her first relationship. I took her first kiss. It has been about 2 years now. About a year and a half in.. I began to lose interest in her. It has nothing to do with her at all. She's still the same, cute and really nice. But I am just losing interest. It's not her, it's me. I really think no matter who I date, eventually, I lose interest.
When I say lose interest.. it's like this. I do not miss her if I do not see her for a day or two. I do not feel the need to hug her that much. I do not feel as much fun being with her on a date out. However, I still care about her very much. I do not want to see her sad at all. That is why I am writing this, because I do not want to hurt her.
Now.. I guess we should break up? But I do not want to hurt her. She has not lost interest at all.. still loves me a lot. She is studying abroad and just came back for 2 weeks. She got me a TON of gifts and like two large packs (of like 10 each) of handwarmer..things. Those things that heat up when you twist them or something? Because it is cold at my apartment so she got me those.. and a bunch of lovely things. Me? I did not even think of anything to get her. It is like I do not find joy in giving her anything. Like I have grown too used to her.
She knows that I have been losing interest and has been really depressed because of this. I tried breaking up and she would cry all night and her eyes get swollen the next day. I can not bear to do this. So I really do not know what to do. I feel like breaking up is the right thing so she can eventually move on. But I still cling onto this hoping I fall back in love with her.
And I really feel like shit. I feel like the biggest jackass in the world. I got her into this by asking her out. I got her to love me back. I stole her first kiss. I am her first ever relationship. Now <i>I</I> am the one losing interest..
What do I do TL.net?
Quoting the original just in case. We've had too many authors try to edit their posts. mikeymoo crackin' down.
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United States22883 Posts
You've lost interest while she was studying abroad?
^nicely done
Let her handle The Situation, and the rest will play itself out.
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On December 27 2009 17:58 scyper wrote:
And I really feel like shit. I feel like the biggest jackass in the world. I got her into this by asking her out. I got her to love me back. I stole her first kiss.
Unless you tricked her into dating you, forced her to love you, tied her down and kissed her, this aint true.
If it's your guilt stopping you from breaking up, end it asap.
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IMO try to spice things up first, and if it doesn't work it'll be obvious to both of you.
Other than that... yeah she's gonna be sad. Everyone takes their first break up hard 
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@mikeymoo: dammit man. i was going to erase everything after everything is settled
@jibba: umm what do you mean let her handle the situation?
@kwidowmaker: thanks. you're the first one to give advice that i understand.
@chef: what do you mean by spicing things up?
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Soooooo... what are you going to do? Hope she loses interest at some point or get married, have 3 children, and grow old together?
If you've lost interest, you lost interest. You don't owe anybody at the cost of your happiness. End the relationship.
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...
she's probably boring you, and if your honestly upset over a kiss, I'd assume you guys haven't done much since then..(?).
really though, it's a fucking kiss -- it means nothing.
also, assuming your pretty young, well that's just how it works. you don't go out with girls expecting to marry them at that age. just be a good guy and treat them right. if you lose interest -- tell them. they'll feel bad but they are young too, they'll get over it and find many more.
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you're used to her, but when you ddont have her anymore you might regret it.
try talking to her see how she feels, she might feel the same, people anturally get bored, experimentation is part of out youth
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imo just suck it up and stay with her; make her happy. shes not a complete pain to be around right, just not as good as the first time you met? i think that's somewhat normal man
try and do something new? take her to something new and adventurous like a bungee jump or white water rafting or paintball or something? take her to something you find fun and see if she likes it too?
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I think it should be obvious what chef means 
You've shown a rational interest in her (you think she's nice and caring), but that don't mean dick unless you're also emotionally attached. Her being abroad has severed that, so chef is suggesting that some more sexual interest will either be enough to keep you two together, or to jump start your emotional bond to her.
I don't agree though. If she's feeling that you don't love her suggesting new fucking won't go well with her. But what do I or anyone else on TL know? All we can really give you is vague advice.
I'm just going to use this post to echo what I said earlier: GOD DAMNIT DON'T STAY TOGETHER OUT OF GUILT
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If this is her first relationship... Boy you are screwed.
Break up with her... She's going to get you back (trust me she will*) then you are going to break up again in a couple of weeks and it's going to be an on-and-off couple for about a month or two until one of you find someone to replace the other.
And pray to god she does because if you find someone first she's not done with you yet my friend. Even if she's not a psycho she will do at least one thing that is going to make you argue with her.
My advice is to start this charade as soon as possible so that you can both move on asap or hang around until you find someone that you know you can hook up with after you dump her. Which will only end up hurting her more but saving you a little drama but by judging how guilty you are because you were her first kiss (pfffttt) you don't have the "cojones" to do that.
*This part, yes, it's going to happen, and yes I know you think that if you dump her there is no way you're going back but you are underestimating the stuff girls are willing to do to either trick or guilt you back into a semi-relationship. Plus never count off the loneliness factor, specially if you have been with her for a while.
I am usually pretty dead on with this type of stuff. With a little more info on the relationship I could probably tell you how much time until SHE dumps YOU.
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FINISH HER!
+ Show Spoiler +Just end it, but be sure that you won't regret it. Because right now, you are probably both wasting each other's time.
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Right now.. most of the replies are to break up and end it immediately. I guess that is the right thing to do.
@John: I don't know if I will like doing anything with her that much....like I do not feel as much enjoyment.
@Arhkangel: Actually it has been like that. I have tried to break up many times, but I end up feeling either really bad or I just start missing her a lot. I mean it has been 2 years. I talk to her online or through email like almost every single day. After we broke up a few times, I feel empty and just miss her presence. But then the cycle repeats. So I really don't know. Should I just really end it and stick to it like a man?
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On December 27 2009 18:37 scyper wrote:
@Arhkangel: Actually it has been like that. I have tried to break up many times, but I end up feeling either really bad or I just start missing her a lot. I mean it has been 2 years. I talk to her online or through email like almost every single day. After we broke up a few times, I feel empty and just miss her presence. But then the cycle repeats. So I really don't know. Should I just really end it and stick to it like a man?
If you miss her after you break up then just stay with her. It's not like you're yearning for another girl (unless there is something you haven't told us). Eventually people do lose interest but from what you said it sounds like she's become a important part of your life.
However, don't not breakup because you're going to feel bad. It'll be hard for her at first, but she'll get through it.
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Let me point out the elephant in the room: have you had sex yet?
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On December 27 2009 18:58 Cambium wrote:
Let me point out the elephant in the room: have you had sex yet?
First kiss, not first time.
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love aint a pocketful of roses every day... stupid kids.
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Well I had the same feeling with my gf now of 10 months. Around 6 months into it I began to lose interest, I got annoyed if she constantly wanted to talk (well actually I still do now but w/e), I wouldn't care if I wouldn't see her for 2-3 days at a time, etc. In fact, I never made any effort to talk to her - she was always the one calling/texting me.
Then I went on a break with her - only after you lose the person do a lot of feelings resurge. I got sick of her whining, told her I wanted a 2 week break, felt like shit 2 hours later, got back together the next day.
Why not ask her for a 2 week break? NOT breaking up. Make that clear. See how you feel about it. If you still want to break up, it'll be an easier transition for both of you after the break, and if not, then you have no problem 
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EPT
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