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This is kind of embarassing, but I really need help and I don't know where else to go but TL.net (wtf?? a gaming site)?
Oh well.. anyway.
I asked out a girl who I was really in love with. She wavered, but eventually said yes. She is possibly one of the nicest girl ever. I had a girlfriend before, but this is her first relationship. I took her first kiss. It has been about 2 years now. About a year and a half in.. I began to lose interest in her. It has nothing to do with her at all. She's still the same, cute and really nice. But I am just losing interest. It's not her, it's me. I really think no matter who I date, eventually, I lose interest.
When I say lose interest.. it's like this. I do not miss her if I do not see her for a day or two. I do not feel the need to hug her that much. I do not feel as much fun being with her on a date out. However, I still care about her very much. I do not want to see her sad at all. That is why I am writing this, because I do not want to hurt her.
Now.. I guess we should break up? But I do not want to hurt her. She has not lost interest at all.. still loves me a lot. She is studying abroad and just came back for 2 weeks. She got me a TON of gifts and like two large packs (of like 10 each) of handwarmer..things. Those things that heat up when you twist them or something? Because it is cold at my apartment so she got me those.. and a bunch of lovely things. Me? I did not even think of anything to get her. It is like I do not find joy in giving her anything. Like I have grown too used to her.
She knows that I have been losing interest and has been really depressed because of this. I tried breaking up and she would cry all night and her eyes get swollen the next day. I can not bear to do this. So I really do not know what to do. I feel like breaking up is the right thing so she can eventually move on. But I still cling onto this hoping I fall back in love with her.
And I really feel like shit. I feel like the biggest jackass in the world. I got her into this by asking her out. I got her to love me back. I stole her first kiss. I am her first ever relationship. Now <i>I</I> am the one losing interest..
What do I do TL.net?
 
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Canada7170 Posts
On December 27 2009 17:58 scyper wrote:
This is kind of embarassing, but I really need help and I don't know where else to go but TL.net (wtf?? a gaming site)?
Oh well.. anyway.
I asked out a girl who I was really in love with. She wavered, but eventually said yes. She is possibly one of the nicest girl ever. I had a girlfriend before, but this is her first relationship. I took her first kiss. It has been about 2 years now. About a year and a half in.. I began to lose interest in her. It has nothing to do with her at all. She's still the same, cute and really nice. But I am just losing interest. It's not her, it's me. I really think no matter who I date, eventually, I lose interest.
When I say lose interest.. it's like this. I do not miss her if I do not see her for a day or two. I do not feel the need to hug her that much. I do not feel as much fun being with her on a date out. However, I still care about her very much. I do not want to see her sad at all. That is why I am writing this, because I do not want to hurt her.
Now.. I guess we should break up? But I do not want to hurt her. She has not lost interest at all.. still loves me a lot. She is studying abroad and just came back for 2 weeks. She got me a TON of gifts and like two large packs (of like 10 each) of handwarmer..things. Those things that heat up when you twist them or something? Because it is cold at my apartment so she got me those.. and a bunch of lovely things. Me? I did not even think of anything to get her. It is like I do not find joy in giving her anything. Like I have grown too used to her.
She knows that I have been losing interest and has been really depressed because of this. I tried breaking up and she would cry all night and her eyes get swollen the next day. I can not bear to do this. So I really do not know what to do. I feel like breaking up is the right thing so she can eventually move on. But I still cling onto this hoping I fall back in love with her.
And I really feel like shit. I feel like the biggest jackass in the world. I got her into this by asking her out. I got her to love me back. I stole her first kiss. I am her first ever relationship. Now <i>I</I> am the one losing interest..
What do I do TL.net?
Quoting the original just in case. We've had too many authors try to edit their posts. mikeymoo crackin' down.
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United States22883 Posts
You've lost interest while she was studying abroad?
^nicely done
Let her handle The Situation, and the rest will play itself out.
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On December 27 2009 17:58 scyper wrote:
And I really feel like shit. I feel like the biggest jackass in the world. I got her into this by asking her out. I got her to love me back. I stole her first kiss.
Unless you tricked her into dating you, forced her to love you, tied her down and kissed her, this aint true.
If it's your guilt stopping you from breaking up, end it asap.
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IMO try to spice things up first, and if it doesn't work it'll be obvious to both of you.
Other than that... yeah she's gonna be sad. Everyone takes their first break up hard 
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@mikeymoo: dammit man. i was going to erase everything after everything is settled
@jibba: umm what do you mean let her handle the situation?
@kwidowmaker: thanks. you're the first one to give advice that i understand.
@chef: what do you mean by spicing things up?
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Soooooo... what are you going to do? Hope she loses interest at some point or get married, have 3 children, and grow old together?
If you've lost interest, you lost interest. You don't owe anybody at the cost of your happiness. End the relationship.
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...
she's probably boring you, and if your honestly upset over a kiss, I'd assume you guys haven't done much since then..(?).
really though, it's a fucking kiss -- it means nothing.
also, assuming your pretty young, well that's just how it works. you don't go out with girls expecting to marry them at that age. just be a good guy and treat them right. if you lose interest -- tell them. they'll feel bad but they are young too, they'll get over it and find many more.
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you're used to her, but when you ddont have her anymore you might regret it.
try talking to her see how she feels, she might feel the same, people anturally get bored, experimentation is part of out youth
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imo just suck it up and stay with her; make her happy. shes not a complete pain to be around right, just not as good as the first time you met? i think that's somewhat normal man
try and do something new? take her to something new and adventurous like a bungee jump or white water rafting or paintball or something? take her to something you find fun and see if she likes it too?
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I think it should be obvious what chef means 
You've shown a rational interest in her (you think she's nice and caring), but that don't mean dick unless you're also emotionally attached. Her being abroad has severed that, so chef is suggesting that some more sexual interest will either be enough to keep you two together, or to jump start your emotional bond to her.
I don't agree though. If she's feeling that you don't love her suggesting new fucking won't go well with her. But what do I or anyone else on TL know? All we can really give you is vague advice.
I'm just going to use this post to echo what I said earlier: GOD DAMNIT DON'T STAY TOGETHER OUT OF GUILT
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If this is her first relationship... Boy you are screwed.
Break up with her... She's going to get you back (trust me she will*) then you are going to break up again in a couple of weeks and it's going to be an on-and-off couple for about a month or two until one of you find someone to replace the other.
And pray to god she does because if you find someone first she's not done with you yet my friend. Even if she's not a psycho she will do at least one thing that is going to make you argue with her.
My advice is to start this charade as soon as possible so that you can both move on asap or hang around until you find someone that you know you can hook up with after you dump her. Which will only end up hurting her more but saving you a little drama but by judging how guilty you are because you were her first kiss (pfffttt) you don't have the "cojones" to do that.
*This part, yes, it's going to happen, and yes I know you think that if you dump her there is no way you're going back but you are underestimating the stuff girls are willing to do to either trick or guilt you back into a semi-relationship. Plus never count off the loneliness factor, specially if you have been with her for a while.
I am usually pretty dead on with this type of stuff. With a little more info on the relationship I could probably tell you how much time until SHE dumps YOU.
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FINISH HER!
+ Show Spoiler +Just end it, but be sure that you won't regret it. Because right now, you are probably both wasting each other's time.
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Right now.. most of the replies are to break up and end it immediately. I guess that is the right thing to do.
@John: I don't know if I will like doing anything with her that much....like I do not feel as much enjoyment.
@Arhkangel: Actually it has been like that. I have tried to break up many times, but I end up feeling either really bad or I just start missing her a lot. I mean it has been 2 years. I talk to her online or through email like almost every single day. After we broke up a few times, I feel empty and just miss her presence. But then the cycle repeats. So I really don't know. Should I just really end it and stick to it like a man?
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On December 27 2009 18:37 scyper wrote:
@Arhkangel: Actually it has been like that. I have tried to break up many times, but I end up feeling either really bad or I just start missing her a lot. I mean it has been 2 years. I talk to her online or through email like almost every single day. After we broke up a few times, I feel empty and just miss her presence. But then the cycle repeats. So I really don't know. Should I just really end it and stick to it like a man?
If you miss her after you break up then just stay with her. It's not like you're yearning for another girl (unless there is something you haven't told us). Eventually people do lose interest but from what you said it sounds like she's become a important part of your life.
However, don't not breakup because you're going to feel bad. It'll be hard for her at first, but she'll get through it.
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Let me point out the elephant in the room: have you had sex yet?
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On December 27 2009 18:58 Cambium wrote:
Let me point out the elephant in the room: have you had sex yet?
First kiss, not first time.
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love aint a pocketful of roses every day... stupid kids.
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Well I had the same feeling with my gf now of 10 months. Around 6 months into it I began to lose interest, I got annoyed if she constantly wanted to talk (well actually I still do now but w/e), I wouldn't care if I wouldn't see her for 2-3 days at a time, etc. In fact, I never made any effort to talk to her - she was always the one calling/texting me.
Then I went on a break with her - only after you lose the person do a lot of feelings resurge. I got sick of her whining, told her I wanted a 2 week break, felt like shit 2 hours later, got back together the next day.
Why not ask her for a 2 week break? NOT breaking up. Make that clear. See how you feel about it. If you still want to break up, it'll be an easier transition for both of you after the break, and if not, then you have no problem 
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On December 27 2009 19:04 deathgod6 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 18:58 Cambium wrote:
Let me point out the elephant in the room: have you had sex yet? First kiss, not first time.
e: quoting you for the fact, no directed at you
Then even if you are both Asian, there shouldn't be any guilt.
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OMG noes you took her virginity... wait you took her first kiss? What the fuck are you serious? I am dying right now with laughter. How can you feel guilty about something so minuscule? If it's her first relationship she'll just have to deal with getting dumped. Shit happens... the world doesn't end if a relationship dies. There are plenty of women or guys in her case out there for her to be crying over one person.
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You just dont love her anymore, end it. She will cry, then hate you, then you will both find someone more suitable. Are you 15 or something? + Show Spoiler +I am with my gf for 3 years and probably loving her now more than ever before
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On December 27 2009 18:04 Jibba wrote:
Let her handle The Situation, and the rest will play itself out.
I giggled.
Anyways, its worth sticking out with it for a little while. I honestly feel a relationship is as good as what you put into it. You have to put effort into a relationship and TRY to enjoy it to actually enjoy it. Its too easy to dwell on the small things, its better to dwell on the good things.
Anywho, as recommended by others - just try new things and try and keep being active (in as many ways as you can define this as possible) as you can.
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On December 27 2009 19:20 Cambium wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 19:04 deathgod6 wrote:On December 27 2009 18:58 Cambium wrote:
Let me point out the elephant in the room: have you had sex yet? First kiss, not first time. e: quoting you for the fact, no directed at you Then even if you are both Asian, there shouldn't be any guilt.
okay we have gone further than that. but i dont want to say
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i think i can relate with you.
i broke up with my girlfriend, then after a couple months she started dating some other guy, and it really bothered me.
if you are positive that no feelings you have for her will linger on, then do it.
but ask yourself, if you can accept the fact that she may find someone else faster than you can
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If you didn't have sex with her then you should not abandon ship. Relationships with no sex are crippled. If sex is something you guys won't be having then abandon ship because;
a) She still got her innocence so you can still feel OK about breaking up
b) Your relationship will probably remain boring for you
If you had sex then you should experiment more. I mean I understand you don't want to buy her fingerwarmers but what about sexy underwear?
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United States42180 Posts
Sex will guarantee you staying together for a while if you want that. If she's that afraid you'll leave her you'll effectively emotionally blackmail her into it and that will in turn guilt force you into staying with her. So have sex with her and it'll put off any real decisions for a year or so. Plus you get sex.
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First of all, take advice given by people you do not know and over the internet with a pinch of salt.
That said, my advice would be to relax. It's impossible to try and force yourself to feel things and/or to make feelings stronger. There are ups and downs in every relationship and love changes with time.
It's not like love is a static thing where the way you feel on day one is the way you feel in year two. As people get to know eachother better the excitement does fade and is replaced by comfort. You know who she is and she knows who you is. It's a comfort to know that and makes life calmer.
So it is possible that your love towards her has changed form now that you have been together for a while and that this newer form might be something you aren't familiar with. It could, of course, also be so that your feelings have faded. It's impossible for anybody other than you to know.
But as stated before in this thread, try to do something different. Take her on a trip, go skiing, cook her a romantic dinner without telling her in advance. Something that takes you both out of the every-day-life.
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End it. There is no other way man. i've been in a very similar situation and from my experience you really just have to end it. And you have to make her understand that it's over so she can get over you.
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Get a car. Run her over. THEN you can feel guilty.
But this is just pathetic.
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On December 27 2009 20:49 KwarK wrote:
Sex will guarantee you staying together for a while if you want that. If she's that afraid you'll leave her you'll effectively emotionally blackmail her into it and that will in turn guilt force you into staying with her. So have sex with her and it'll put off any real decisions for a year or so. Plus you get sex.
LMAO genius!
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Dude, its your call. A bunch or rnd ppl over the internet won't do sheat for you or your guilt. Try talking to your friends which knows you both irl and getting advice from them, if you really need one.
That's your best bet.
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On December 27 2009 21:04 minus_human wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 20:49 KwarK wrote:
Sex will guarantee you staying together for a while if you want that. If she's that afraid you'll leave her you'll effectively emotionally blackmail her into it and that will in turn guilt force you into staying with her. So have sex with her and it'll put off any real decisions for a year or so. Plus you get sex. LMAO genius!
ya know something supported by a subatomic particle and a semi-sapiens could just be questionable....
to OP: its a pretty common thing to lose the "spark" after a year or two so its pretty much up to either (or both) of you guys to reignite it or not.
+ Show Spoiler +well sex is probably one of the fastest ways to do so but it may not be the safest =p
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just chill out
nothing is perfect
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I can relate to what you were feeling on a micro scale. I'm with a girl right now who I met at a party. Our relationship is mostly physical. However, she is really in to me, whereas I am not with her. She is cute though and fun and even though I should tell her the truth that I am not very invested in her (I think she kind of knows, but lies to herself), I don't because I know I will miss it.
If I were you, I would just go with the flow. End on good terms. Tell her you love her, but you aren't in love anymore.
Also, people are saying to hold out for sex.
Please don't do this. I did this once. It just ended up hurting the girl because they can fucking see through your intentions.
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Basically, you need to figure out what life holds for you. This means being around other people and being a part of society. But mostly hanging out with other friends and getting their feedback on jobs, girlfriends, school etc. So that you can grow with them. Sorta. Devoting this kind of attention to a relationship always ends the same.
You can't be a great thoughtful boyfriend on your own. I suggest you get your stuff together real fast, because you might lose her. She sounds like a real great girl too. And they don't come around too often.
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Just to let you know, you may fall in love with her again if you break up with her and she gets a new bf or flirts or whatever. Its important you understand that you truly truly dont want her.l If you have no interest in her then you can't do anything except try to back off and have a more lax relationship. Relationships tend to get stagnant unless both members keep doing things outside the relationship. Anyways, just a warning there may be a role reversal if you dont make sure it ended the best way possible. and regrets are a bitch, my friend.
h and dont have sex for fucks sake. You will lose interest again in 3 months tops. Sex is good to have for intimacy, but definantly not good for forming the basis of a relationship.Plus, youll feel even worse progressing the relationship without any true intentions of a promise.
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On December 27 2009 22:05 Bebop Berserker wrote:
Just to let you know, you may fall in love with her again if you break up with her and she gets a new bf or flirts or whatever. Its important you understand that you truly truly dont want her.l If you have no interest in her then you can't do anything except try to back off and have a more lax relationship. Relationships tend to get stagnant unless both members keep doing things outside the relationship. Anyways, just a warning there may be a role reversal if you dont make sure it ended the best way possible. and regrets are a bitch, my friend.
h and dont have sex for fucks sake. You will lose interest again in 3 months tops. Sex is good to have for intimacy, but definantly not good for forming the basis of a relationship.Plus, youll feel even worse progressing the relationship without any true intentions of a promise.
i dont agree with sex not being good for the basis of relationships, it is its vital part. You cant have completely fulfilling relationship with omitting something as important as sex. Im not try to say that love is sex, but that sex is importatnt part of love and thus imortant part of relationship.
There this popular saying: If everything is ok with sex, 10% of relationship is about sex. If there is a problem with sex, 90% of relationship revolves aroud it
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On December 27 2009 22:14 johanes wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 22:05 Bebop Berserker wrote:
Just to let you know, you may fall in love with her again if you break up with her and she gets a new bf or flirts or whatever. Its important you understand that you truly truly dont want her.l If you have no interest in her then you can't do anything except try to back off and have a more lax relationship. Relationships tend to get stagnant unless both members keep doing things outside the relationship. Anyways, just a warning there may be a role reversal if you dont make sure it ended the best way possible. and regrets are a bitch, my friend.
h and dont have sex for fucks sake. You will lose interest again in 3 months tops. Sex is good to have for intimacy, but definantly not good for forming the basis of a relationship.Plus, youll feel even worse progressing the relationship without any true intentions of a promise. i dont agree with sex not being good for the basis of relationships, it is its vital part. You cant have completely fulfilling relationship with omitting something as important as sex. Im not try to say that love is sex, but that sex is importatnt part of love and thus imortant part of relationship.
if you think you cant have a fulfilling relationship without sex, your probably mentally handicapped.
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On December 27 2009 22:16 Bebop Berserker wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 22:14 johanes wrote:On December 27 2009 22:05 Bebop Berserker wrote:
Just to let you know, you may fall in love with her again if you break up with her and she gets a new bf or flirts or whatever. Its important you understand that you truly truly dont want her.l If you have no interest in her then you can't do anything except try to back off and have a more lax relationship. Relationships tend to get stagnant unless both members keep doing things outside the relationship. Anyways, just a warning there may be a role reversal if you dont make sure it ended the best way possible. and regrets are a bitch, my friend.
h and dont have sex for fucks sake. You will lose interest again in 3 months tops. Sex is good to have for intimacy, but definantly not good for forming the basis of a relationship.Plus, youll feel even worse progressing the relationship without any true intentions of a promise. i dont agree with sex not being good for the basis of relationships, it is its vital part. You cant have completely fulfilling relationship with omitting something as important as sex. Im not try to say that love is sex, but that sex is importatnt part of love and thus imortant part of relationship. if you think you cant have a fulfilling relationship without sex, your probably mentally handicapped.
no, i am just adult human
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Sack up man. If u cant deal with ending a relationship then dont start one. Seriously are u 15 or something? Stop hurting her by dragging it out. And u should prolly learn to be with someone because getting bored after a year seems kinda weird. How do u ever plan on getting married?
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On December 27 2009 22:18 johanes wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 22:16 Bebop Berserker wrote:On December 27 2009 22:14 johanes wrote:On December 27 2009 22:05 Bebop Berserker wrote:
Just to let you know, you may fall in love with her again if you break up with her and she gets a new bf or flirts or whatever. Its important you understand that you truly truly dont want her.l If you have no interest in her then you can't do anything except try to back off and have a more lax relationship. Relationships tend to get stagnant unless both members keep doing things outside the relationship. Anyways, just a warning there may be a role reversal if you dont make sure it ended the best way possible. and regrets are a bitch, my friend.
h and dont have sex for fucks sake. You will lose interest again in 3 months tops. Sex is good to have for intimacy, but definantly not good for forming the basis of a relationship.Plus, youll feel even worse progressing the relationship without any true intentions of a promise. i dont agree with sex not being good for the basis of relationships, it is its vital part. You cant have completely fulfilling relationship with omitting something as important as sex. Im not try to say that love is sex, but that sex is importatnt part of love and thus imortant part of relationship. if you think you cant have a fulfilling relationship without sex, your probably mentally handicapped. no, i am just adult human
agreed, sex is an important part of a relationship
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YOU ARE THE ALPHA MALE.
YOU DO NOT NEED EMPATHY.
WOMEN ARE NOT YOUR LIFE.
YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT.
YOUR MISSION IS TO SPREAD YOUR GENES TO AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE.
Just detach yourself emotionally, imagine her taking a dump whenever you get the feeling of missing her. Unless of course you are so inclined to find that attractive.
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Do the most simple thing. Talk & listen and see where it goes from there.
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On December 27 2009 23:43 JMave wrote:
Do the most simple thing. Talk & listen and see where it goes from there.
best advice I've seen thus far. Just talk to her and explain The Situation (sorry, I just had to). Tell her how you feel but at the same time don't want it to be like this and try to work something out. And if that fails, you might want to just end it with her and live with the consequences whatever they may be.
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Bosnia-Herzegovina41 Posts
If you let the girl who loves you you are a dick. You love/loved her right, you care about her.. try to change relationship - think new things, about the future, do with her what you always wanted to do and never had time. Make that things happen, dont be lazy - and it seems you are lazy, because you were too lazy to buy a freakin gift. Dont do the same boring dates, if you are bored then she's probably bored also.
Being away for long period from each other is a problem, if thats gonna change be patient, give it a chance. The easiest thing is to break up and then realize what you have just lost. It can be very hard to find a girl you love/like and she has the same feelings.
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Do not break up with her just because you've lost interest.
I done this 1+ year ago to a girl who was madly in love with me and I still regret it today and would definitely go back if i could.
Losing interest is natural. You can't always be living in the clouds when your going out with someone. You should get to know her better, you've not even brushed the surface of who she is yet you've only known her for a year.
Spend time doing different things than your used to with her. Going to different places etc..
Love sacrificially, this is the test of your love. If your only with her for the comfort/excitement you get out of it, then you'll leave her. If you really love her you'll stay by her even during these hard times.
Will the relationship pick up again? yes.
Think about this for a second, if you leave her, and you meet another girl, after being with the new girl for a year, and you lose interest in her, you'll do the same and be back to square one.
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On December 28 2009 00:42 TechniQ.UK wrote:
Do not break up with her just because you've lost interest.
I done this 1+ year ago to a girl who was madly in love with me and I still regret it today and would definitely go back if i could.
Losing interest is natural. You can't always be living in the clouds when your going out with someone. You should get to know her better, you've not even brushed the surface of who she is yet you've only known her for a year.
Spend time doing different things than your used to with her. Going to different places etc..
Love sacrificially, this is the test of your love. If your only with her for the comfort/excitement you get out of it, then you'll leave her. If you really love her you'll stay by her even during these hard times.
Will the relationship pick up again? yes.
Think about this for a second, if you leave her, and you meet another girl, after being with the new girl for a year, and you lose interest in her, you'll do the same and be back to square one.
But you banged more women along the way.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you are now experienced in the fact that you can get bored with anyone. So if you approach a babe you can see how even if you get with her eventually you'll get bored. Thus you relax and gain confidence and have higher chances of success.
Do whatever you want, but if you can't stop being bored with her give it up and just forget about it.
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Wow, 3 pages without a StarCraft joke, we're doing good here guys.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with you feeling like that, frankly, you're a jackass.
It's not her, it's me. I really think no matter who I date, eventually, I lose interest.
Uh yeah, no matter how you try to put it, it's really overused and cheezy, that line sucks no matter how you mean it. Well I guess you two should try to grow apart? It's like breaking up but you two are taking your time to get used to not seeing each other (well as far as OP tells, you're fine without her). I think the problem was that you sort of "jumped" into this relationship a bit too fast? It's not really clear what the 2 years meant. Two years of being together? I think you two should have dated longer (sorry if this confuses you but dating and being in a relationship are two different things, I don't know if the same applies over that part of the world).
Maybe you should have stayed away or something since you know that you eventually lose interest in a person, because you just do.
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To make the right choice - examining exactly what truly is the cause of your interest lost can be vital.
There can be many reasons. Only you can determine it, with help or without.
Let me just describe the most possible scenario ( imo ) :
You take her and her love for granted - this would be very much understandable because of how she acts ( all those gifts, crying etc ) . Granted - what does it mean ? If something is granted - we CAN have it , no matter what will we do or even won`t do. So the conclusion is : it doesn`t require attention. Is something that doesn`t require attention interesting ? For most people - not.
If this would be the cause ( and its highly propable imo ) : then is that assumption correct ? That u have her for granted ? That almost no matter what u will do , she will forgive you or understand or appreciate it or w/e ? That u are everything to her ?
If it is and it propably is, in propably high degree : then what ? You might conciously or unconciously think that she isn`t any challenge for you. You don`t have to fight to get her. You don`t have to work to get her. You almost do not have to do anything, put any effort to get her attention, apprecation, understanding and whatever you want , because she loves you as you are.
What usually makes us more interested ? When the object is hard to get, when we really have to put a lot of effort and skill into getting it , because it is that hard. It makes us interested because achieving a hard goal makes us and others think that we are someone strong, smart, special and therefore makes others appreciate us.
Now - you achieve a hard goal to prove u are better than others ? Or u do it because you want to be appreciated ? These 2 - aren`t the same things - first one is sensless , second one is a clean intention. You propably won`t agree but I think this is how it is : P
She isn`t enough of or at all a challange to you, right ? She doesn`t give you what u are interested in ? What are u interested in that she doesn`t have and other girl would have ? What is it that she doesn`t give you now ?
Is she too stable, too simple, too < sth > , that makes her an uninteresting object ? Is it that you explored her whole character and there is nothing new or fresh to learn about her anymore ?
Now think why she is still so interested in you ( if she really is ) . What do u posses and what the relationship did posses, what way did it went , what happened that all of it makes the situation u are both in now ? What are the causes/cause behind it and how to fix it for both of you ?
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Thats as far as I go for now bro. It is just what I think.
The one who can make the right choice is you and only you . Only thing I can help you with is to tell you to look at the wholeness of the situation. I mean every single thing that is related to it, because if it is then it influenced it or still influences or will influence. There is propably a lot more connected to this than you propably would assume ( everything is connected to it somehow , I mean those connection which matter enough ) .
Hope I helped , gl hf : )
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shes studying abroad? let her have fun. tell her that u guys need time and that u'll see what happens when she gets back. but for now, even tho she might cry a little at first, let her enjoy herself wherever she is. a study abroad is kind of a one time thing, so make her understand that its also in her best interest to meet new people there. if u can, try to convince her that ur not gonna fall for anyone else, that u just wanna get your feet wet kinda and date a bit, nothing serious. and that when she gets back, things will get back to normal (they should).
ps: ur not losing interest stupid. its more like, ur becoming more interested in what else is out there, which is normal, and ur young, so theres nothing wrong with wanting to experience other people. but u gotta decide smartly which option u go for. the secure--the nice girl u already have, or the unknown--u might end up losing more than what u gain from experiencing other people.
so play it wisely. if you need time to really remind yourself of how important your relationship is, dont be afraid to tell her.
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Uhm just to complete it - you are responsible for your lost of interest too. Its not your fault, no but you are responsible, more or less. You control what u think, what u do, thus what u believe in , thus what u feel and all of it in other order. You can choose what is best for both of you.
Both you and her can change yourselfs and your relationship to make the best out of it, what u really both want. I guess its really hard to change her but it is possible , tho it might propably require some ethic manipulation. If it truly is for right reasons then it is quite right to do so.
She might have taken your love for granted, it is a possibilty as well. Mb she even expects you to give it back, to be to her like she is to you. This would be and there might be other , similar , wrong assumptions like that from her side ( mb yours too ). You have the information about it, you can chose what is the best possible way to fix it.
Breaking up - I would treat it as the last resort, if I was really sure that it would be better for everyone. I mean sure - that is when you made a decision that is the highest possible logic u can force yourself to do, when it isn`t covered by feelings/prejudices/believes/others opinions - instead uses these elemets as information , that it is the most better possible choice than the best choice you can make .
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United States42180 Posts
On December 27 2009 22:16 Bebop Berserker wrote:
your probably mentally handicapped.
lol
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Yeah the "new car smell" will always fad off. But if you seriously miss her when she isnt around, yet your bored with her ask yourself this: What qualities in a girl do you like? Does the girl your with possess these qualities?
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ROFL@ OP!! sry, jus.. i haven't seen someone with that much vagina juice in a while.
But guys, seriously???? you're gonna reccommend him to fuck her so that she is MORE emotionally psychoed-up from what I can tell already cray-cray? If you lost interest now, you are certainly going to do it again, and when that happens... whewwwwww. I mean, at worst she might stab you, but at least all her friends will talk shit about you for a while.
I call evac on the situation. Think of it as escaping a fire with first degree burns. Yeah, your burns will sting, and you lost some stuff in the fire, but you are most of your skin.
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It sounds like your just hitting that more familiar phase where the relationship has gotten to the point where its no longer new and exciting. You said you still care for her so try to mix things up and stir up excitement. Every relationship hits a sagging point and the true test is if you two can still be happy together through it. If not then I guess you just have to let it go and move on.
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No one is in position to give you direct advice but here are somethings to think about.
People tend to lose interest after having it for years. Things to spice a relationship might be more teasing, argument, and sex. However habits are developed hence the feeling of emptiness after each of your several breakup.
Some question to think about:
will you be jealous if she go out with another guy? If she hit by another guy? etc.
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You're just getting used to her. It happens to a lot of people, but don't break up just because of it. Like others said, trying to spice up your relationship might help. Maybe talk it over with her and take a break from her. Make it clear that you two aren't breaking up and see how you feel after this. Good luck :D
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I read through every reply and I thank you all of you for them.
No one called me a troll which I was a little afraid of, and no Starcraft jokes. haha.
Some of you also PM'd me and they all helped.
She really does mean a lot to me, so I will try to do some exciting things like go to the park (its all decorated and christmasy now) and go ice skating there too. If after going out to dinner and stuff still makes me feel weird, then I guess it is time to end it.
Thanks~
I was a bit afraid to ask from a gaming site, but TL.net has proven again that it is more than just a website about Starcraft.
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On December 28 2009 02:22 KwarK wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2009 22:16 Bebop Berserker wrote:
your probably mentally handicapped. lol
LOL oh shit I see what you did there
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You said you "care about her a lot" and you don't want to "hurt her." You will undoubtedly think about her a lot if the relationship ends, but make sure to make the right choice. Also consider that you may lose her as a friend in the process, and take the right steps if you desire to keep her as a friend.
This "loss" of interest is normal. It happens to the most happiest couples. You will never find someone to tie the knot with if you just equal a loss of interest to not "loving" the person anymore.
You ought to take a break from your relationship. A break equals complete separation and no contact with her. Don't text/call her. Don't talk to her friends. Don't talk about her with others. Tell her you want this so that you can really see for yourself the commitment you have in the relationship. I would suggest not going around and picking up girls. It will come back and bite you in the ass. After the break, if you still feel that you don't desire to see her or talk to her, you will know. It will be obvious. Best of luck to you with this.
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Somebody said earlier that you're leaving the excitement and entering the comfort stage, and I agree with that. Nothing in life can be pure, sustained, pleasure, but the even best relationships develop into a happy sense of belonging. True, you're not married, so it's not quite the same, but that doesn't make your loss of interest bad.
I think you should go for this:
On December 28 2009 09:39 yooniball wrote:
You ought to take a break from your relationship. A break equals complete separation and no contact with her. Don't text/call her. Don't talk to her friends. Don't talk about her with others. Tell her you want this so that you can really see for yourself the commitment you have in the relationship. I would suggest not going around and picking up girls. It will come back and bite you in the ass. After the break, if you still feel that you don't desire to see her or talk to her, you will know. It will be obvious. Best of luck to you with this.
gl hf.
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Had the same exact problem, broke up with my girl firend she had no idea why and was heart boken, but in the end i feel less stressed and i feel free again, back to bangin randoms again woot!
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Scyper
Not that i've had a lot of direct experiece with girlfriends before, but still.
My gut feeling suggests that the longer you drag this on, the more hurtful it gets for your girlfriend. If you're sure that you have lost interest permanently then it's probably best to tell her so and break the relation. preferably sooner rather than later. I think a relation where only one side wants to continue is not good for either or you.
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"i took her first kiss"
*backs away from computer and heads to shower*
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Unusual quantity of gifts from significant other = I'm cheating on you and feel guilty!
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ppl lost interest over time, both boys and girl. It's natural.
U don't have to "break up" with her. Try something called polyamory.
http://www.polyamorysociety.org/
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If you break up with her, you will regret it. Guaranteed.
Stick it out, you'll come to appreciate her at the very least.
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EPT
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