I was waiting at the bus stop last night. The same bus stop as referenced in several of my previous blog entries. It seems a lot of events happen that revolve around public transit systems. They are unique sources of inspiration, and a very powerful catalyst from which I’m sure many stories are made. It is a congregation of strangers, where people become familiar with each other while simultaneously avoiding interaction. Where people share the same journey, heading in a common direction, if not arriving at the same destination. It’s what people use to go about their daily schedules, getting on and off as the temporary connections are lost to the greater purpose of living their separate lives.
I had been waiting for thirty minutes in the cold night, with most of that time spent waiting with only one other expectant bus rider. As time passed, more people gathered until, when the bus finally came, there was a rather sizable crowd. I was surprised to see the bus quite full. I did bother to wrestle my way to the front of the line awaiting boarding, as I never expected the bus to actually reach capacity. It did, and just as my hand reached up into the bus to prepare to board, the doors closed, trapping my hand in the junction. It was not painful in any way, but my hand was firmly stuck to the side of the bus.
I glared at the bus driver, yet I did not say a word. Anger began to well up inside me. There was still room on the bus. Let me on. I looked back at the rear of the bus, and as always, there were assholes who failed to move back and make room for the people at the front of the bus. If the driver had any competence or sense of justice, he would take the measure to request the bus riders to move back. He didn’t say anything. I saw my fellow long-time-waiting companion near the front of the bus, as he barely made it on himself. He looked at me and I could sense that if he could have done anything to rectify my situation, he would. Most of the boarders had been at the stop for under five minutes.
The doors finally opened briefly, so that I could withdraw my hand, the closed shut again. I could not make my way on. I stood glued standing directly in front of the bus doors, glaring at the bus driver. I was waiting to see whether he would allow more people on after they had compressed somewhat to make some room at the front. My face was an angry, hateful challenge to the driver. He seemed to have some trouble in getting the bus to start moving. I suspect my hand jam caused some problem with the door closure sensors, prompting his difficulty.
When the bus finally began moving, I was incredulous, seething with fury. “FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU...” I was cursing. I could hardly believe the injustice. Assholes who didn’t bother to consider the plight of others. Assholes who could not understand basic bus etiquette. Assholes who blocked the space in the aisles, who insisted on standing instead of sitting down on empty seats. Assholes who could not move to the back of the bus. Asshole driver who did not even try to accommodate the couple of stranded people. I mentally projected the depths of my hatred towards them.
I briefly considered jumping in front of the bus to make my point. I was regretting not ripping out the door with my bare hands when they were still stuck in them. I would not be waiting another thirty minutes for the next bus, and blinded with rage, I ran after the bus. If I did decide to walk home, I would be taking the same route anyways. Now, the immediate bus path was a straight road ending with traffic lights, with a stop in the middle and one at the lights. The bus paused at the first stop, and had trouble starting up again. I smiled to myself, secretly hoping my hand of fate had caused this disruption again. I came close to catching the bus, but was still behind it when it took off again.
I could tell the lights up ahead would be turning red by the time the bus arrived. I continued sprinting down the road, and cheered when my observation turned out correct. Furthermore, several people were getting off the bus; I would mind if they were riders that had boarded at an earlier stop, but if they were part of the crowd at my stop, then FUCK THEM. I finally caught up to the bus as it sat waiting for the light. I walked up to the door and glared again at the asshole driver. Got room for me now? To my relief he opened the door and I boarded without a word.
Breathing heavily but quietly, I was still seething with resentment as I glanced around at the other passengers. I thought I could sense some surprise and bemusement from those who had perhaps seen me standing there, outside, just a few moments ago. I made eye contact with my long-time-waiting companion and threw him a big grin. Like I said, I wasn’t going to wait for the next bus.
I have very little tolerance for assholes, especially for those who fail to comprehend the basic principles of etiquette. This little imaginary exchange enters my mind every time I see someone standing by the bus rear door: “Hey buddy have a seat.” “No thanks, I’m fine standing here so others can sit.” “TAKE A SEAT FUCKER. YOU’RE IN THE WAY.” I am a very judgemental person. I can hate someone very deeply just from my first impressions. I visualize hurting them badly, and deriving enjoyment from their suffering. I do not know whether I am just a wannabe gangster affected by media caricatures of villainy or actually do harbour such dangerous cravings. I am the kind of person who stays under the radar, only to surprise everyone with an unexpected shock.
But I am not a violent person. I have enough discipline and self restraint to control my temper, perhaps too much so. I never show outbursts of anger, never go shouting at others to vent my rage. Instead I internalize all anger inside me, and it rematerializes into a much colder hate. Again, I question whether this is actually realistic or if I am merely deluded by this literary expression of emotion. But this is not easily answerable given the complexity of human emotion.
So here is a therapy, I suppose, that would release my stress...
Luckily for me, the bus drivers in my city (and the passengers) are usually nice/caring/smart/active/annoyed/pissed off enough to make sure bus capacity is as efficient as possible.
Forgive me if this is not u. But are u the asshole who witnessed a cyclist getting hit intentionally in front of a bustop? And u didnt call 911, didnt bother to try and help the victim, and left the scene be4 police got there becuase u assumed someone else would stick up for the cyclist? and then cried about not being a hero?
Lesson 1. Buy a bike and ull never miss another bus. Lesson 2. If at a bus stop first....stand in the front so u can get on first???
I don't know about your city, but here in my city of Vancouver, people LINE UP to board the bus. If there were only two of you at the bus stop at first, how did you not manage to stay ahead of the crowd? And you even had to wrestle your way to the front? How did that happen? You and your long-time companion let a crowd cut in front of your line?
I bussed my way through college and every single stop I've been at there's always a line to follow. I guess things work different in other parts of Canada.
Also, i wouldn't challenge bus drivers. Usually they're pissed off to begin with because of riders like you, and like any dull job they just don't give a damn whether you get on or not. Plus, if you so much as breathe on them, you can be sure to get charged with Assault.
On December 05 2009 15:40 -fj. wrote: The thing about stress balls is that they never break, they never release. I need shit to BREAK when I'm pissed! I never understood them.
Honestly just spewed water everywhere upon reading that.
I am a very judgemental person. I can hate someone very deeply just from my first impressions.
I'm the same :/
I take the train everyday and the conductors that close the door right in front of someone's face piss me off so badly.
On the other hand, one time I got off the train and was walking very close and parallel to it, and the conductor thought I was going to enter the door so he reopened it for me. Hats off to guys like him.
This happens all the time in Pittsburgh when I use to take the bus. People really are assholes and refuse to move further back when people are waiting to board. The bus drivers get tired of telling people to move back so they stop doing it hoping other passengers will do it. There was this one driver that saw that the entire half back of the bus was empty and people were refusing to move back. It was actually only one guy holding up the entire bus.
She didn't start moving and just stood there shaking her head, looking at people through the front mirror, waiting for someone to say something. Eventually somebody (me -_-; said something and people started moving back. FFS its common sense.
In another occasion I was boarding the bus and there was a lot of room in the back. People were still outside and it always surprises me how no one will say anything when this happens. I've yelled/asked loudly if people could move back from time to time and they listen (I use to have a fro hawk so they would look at me for three seconds and then move almost instantly, it was so awesome), but I also get tired of doing it myself and wait to see if someone else will say something. I agree on the part that its proper etiquette that should learned by people, but some people don't care or don't think for that matter.
Learn to laugh at the situation thou, its not something to infuriate yourself over. Public transportation should have its own reality TV show. It has some of the stupidest dip shits ever which make me wonder how they are able to function. But its better to laugh at them, getting upset will get you nowhere.
This blog couldn't have come at a better time for me. As a bus rider since I was in the 4th grade, I completely understand every ounce of your feelings. If I was in your situation, I probably would have screamed at the bus driver to let me on, and even then whether it would happen would still be a coin flip. Too many people tend to be assholes whenever they don't think it would come back around at them. Most of the time, they do it for no other reason than to feel better about themselves. I judge them pretty harshly too but it's not so much the person, but the pure selfishness and ignorance it breeds that I get pissed off at. I surprised you kept your cool the way you did. You should've at least said something imo.
I can definitely see this happening to me... In fact, just today, I let everybody get onto the bus before me. I wound up having to stand. The nice thing about this time though, was that immediately, everybody who was standing went to the back, so when we came to the next stop, the bus filled right up and nobody was left behind. And yes, I too get very annoyed when some people are just so inconsiderate and selfish. This are two traits that i strive to never succumb to.
You sound like a very unhappy person and a bit disturbing with all your inwardly directed anger. It's not healthy.
If you're upset with people then you should communicate with them what you want. Put yourself in other people's shoes. Maybe they don't notice. Maybe someone else on the bus is being an ass and not moving. Maybe the bus driver's daughter just got diagnosed with cancer and he's distracted.
You have no clue what other people are going through. Don't sit there and just emo, focusing your hatred and other creepy shit like that. Bang on the door and say "let me on!" Try to communicate with your fellow human beings!
If they don't let you, then you can fume. But for god's sake, stop with all this weird visualization and imagination. You have nothing to base it on. Just let the hate go. Focus on your goal, not on all your wretched feelings. Humans have all kinds of feelings, good and bad. It's up to you to choose which feelings to keep and which ones to dismiss as unworthy. Hate is an unworthy feeling.
In Edmonton yesterday morning at around 7am , one of the many buses was carrying a full capacity of school kids. As the bus started to drive off, a young man aged 24 began chasing it. The bus stopped and let him on. He had no money to pay, but demanded to be let on. After cursing out the driver a bit, a student came up and paid for him. 10 minutes later he was freaking out about the same thing you are. The bus was very full. Seething mad, and unable to calm down, the irate 24yr old passanger flipped. the bus driver told him to get off. At that moment the 24yr old passanger began punching the driver in the face over and over. He then grabbed him by the neck and threw him off the bus onto the ground outside. The driver who is 58 ended up being lodged between the bus and the curb. The insane passanger then went on to kick him in the face for a total of 20+ times. The bus drivers face was caved in completely. No one on the bus got out to help, and after kicking him in the face that many times, the passanger simply walked away.
The bus driver is fighting for his life at this very moment.
Kinda gives you something to think about when you are seething mad and ready to kill someone doesn't it. Maybe just chill out.
Heres the link to the news story (they caught the guy and charged him with attempted murder. How is it possible that 50 people sat there and watched that happen?)
I think anger is a great feeling. What you shouldn't do, however, is bottle it up. Try to take it out on something or someone without actually getting physical. Maybe go angry german kid on your keyboard or make a rage blog against protoss players (well uuh, I guess you kinda did already).
But generally you shouldn't get angry at the people you described, because they are slaves to their instincts, they aren't assholes by choice, it's just that they are uneducated peons that don't know any better - maybe they had shitty parents that didn't teach them how to behave in a public setting. It's good that you have self control, because it makes you better than them.
you gotta realize, out there no one gives a damn about what you expect them do to, be it moving to the end of the bus or anything else involving logic and common sense, push your way up front and get in first so you avoid situations like that, if you dont take care of your business no one else will. This is what i have learned from attending college at a big city in the last few months and using the public transit system, FIGHT TO SURVIVE.
To the people who are simply saying that the OP is fucked up - I'm sure he's pretty self-aware that there are flaws in his way of thinking after so many of these blogs on TL, but don't simply pass judgment and leave it at that. It's hypocritical and naive to do so.
To the op, you need to learn to speak up when you need to, without going into crazy mode but still speaking firmly. Don't just glare and assume your intentions are coming across clearly. Good and bad people both have ears and will listen. The only problem is handling the bad people who will still not care.
On December 05 2009 18:30 StorkHwaiting wrote: You sound like a very unhappy person and a bit disturbing with all your inwardly directed anger. It's not healthy.
If you're upset with people then you should communicate with them what you want. Put yourself in other people's shoes. Maybe they don't notice. Maybe someone else on the bus is being an ass and not moving. Maybe the bus driver's daughter just got diagnosed with cancer and he's distracted.
You have no clue what other people are going through. Don't sit there and just emo, focusing your hatred and other creepy shit like that. Bang on the door and say "let me on!" Try to communicate with your fellow human beings!
If they don't let you, then you can fume. But for god's sake, stop with all this weird visualization and imagination. You have nothing to base it on. Just let the hate go. Focus on your goal, not on all your wretched feelings. Humans have all kinds of feelings, good and bad. It's up to you to choose which feelings to keep and which ones to dismiss as unworthy. Hate is an unworthy feeling.
On December 05 2009 18:47 eXigent. wrote: In Edmonton yesterday morning at around 7am , one of the many buses was carrying a full capacity of school kids. As the bus started to drive off, a young man aged 24 began chasing it. The bus stopped and let him on. He had no money to pay, but demanded to be let on. After cursing out the driver a bit, a student came up and paid for him. 10 minutes later he was freaking out about the same thing you are. The bus was very full. Seething mad, and unable to calm down, the irate 24yr old passanger flipped. the bus driver told him to get off. At that moment the 24yr old passanger began punching the driver in the face over and over. He then grabbed him by the neck and threw him off the bus onto the ground outside. The driver who is 58 ended up being lodged between the bus and the curb. The insane passanger then went on to kick him in the face for a total of 20+ times. The bus drivers face was caved in completely. No one on the bus got out to help, and after kicking him in the face that many times, the passanger simply walked away.
The bus driver is fighting for his life at this very moment.
Kinda gives you something to think about when you are seething mad and ready to kill someone doesn't it. Maybe just chill out.
Heres the link to the news story (they caught the guy and charged him with attempted murder. How is it possible that 50 people sat there and watched that happen?)
This kind of stuff makes me sick. I'm one of those people that will help randoms if i see stuff like this. Sure you get into trouble sometimes but fuck, i'm not going to stand there watching it happen.
Makes you wonder about society, the trials and tribulations we face on a daily basis compared to others less fortunate than ourselves. We take a lot of small things for granted and we usually get them so that's OK but our bigger problems and all the things we can't do anything about get pushed down the priority list of "what to be angry about" and when those small things get changed in a way that doesn't favor us, that's when we break. Because those are the things we can do something about. Even if it's just venting in writing.
And that's what it is. I know it's hard nowadays to look objectively at something. So many news items and tales of people snapping, doing hideous things for little reason. I'm pretty sure a lot of us have our own ways of dealing with anger, we may suppress it and put on a smile or we can let it out through physical activity or gaming, or as I feel the OP is doing, we can fantasize about our vengeance on a world of stupid people stuck in the mindset that they're the only ones who matter.
That's correct to a degree, you are important. You do matter but the minute you can make a difference to someone else in any way, they matter as well. Whether it's a polite thank you, a show of consideration, taking into account that the bus is full and if you move, other people have room to board/exit the vehicle or making sure that you don't set an example of being an asshole. Which is mainly the trouble with large groups of people. There are very few who are willing to take the risk of seperating from the crowd if there's a possiblity that things could go wrong and they could get hurt. The mentality of a crowd is survival and when faced with observing violence towards a single person, the crowd sticks together and stays quiet. Sometimes one person making a stand can act as a catalyst but that can be dangerous as well. I don't like crowds.
I don't think the OP is unusual, I've seen and talked to a lot of people who deal with anger by visualization, it's unlikely that he's suddenly going to go psycho on someone's ass because he prefers to internalize the anger. He seems extremely self aware of his own thoughts and reasoning but I'd suggest finding an outlet for that anger which could be used positively rather than totally locking it up inside, all the time. When I'm righteously pissed, I head off to the gym, swimming pool or I go running. That way I can be by myself and get rid of the rage constructively in a way that makes me feel better physically and tires me out so I get sleep without dwelling on anything bad.
5/5 blog, great read but i think kicking the bus as it started moving the first time would had brought you in earlier and without running, if you are upset about something let people know!
On December 05 2009 18:47 eXigent. wrote: In Edmonton yesterday morning at around 7am , one of the many buses was carrying a full capacity of school kids. As the bus started to drive off, a young man aged 24 began chasing it. The bus stopped and let him on. He had no money to pay, but demanded to be let on. After cursing out the driver a bit, a student came up and paid for him. 10 minutes later he was freaking out about the same thing you are. The bus was very full. Seething mad, and unable to calm down, the irate 24yr old passanger flipped. the bus driver told him to get off. At that moment the 24yr old passanger began punching the driver in the face over and over. He then grabbed him by the neck and threw him off the bus onto the ground outside. The driver who is 58 ended up being lodged between the bus and the curb. The insane passanger then went on to kick him in the face for a total of 20+ times. The bus drivers face was caved in completely. No one on the bus got out to help, and after kicking him in the face that many times, the passanger simply walked away.
The bus driver is fighting for his life at this very moment.
Kinda gives you something to think about when you are seething mad and ready to kill someone doesn't it. Maybe just chill out.
Heres the link to the news story (they caught the guy and charged him with attempted murder. How is it possible that 50 people sat there and watched that happen?)
I always cringe when I read your blogs because they're so histrionic. You are clearly immature, young, and have no idea what "hatred" is. No, you don't hate someone from your first impression, you just think you do because you're a child, and think that expressing yourself so radically and in such an extreme way is unique or special. You are in fact the asshole, not the person standing in your "way" who is standing at the front of the bus. Grow the fuck up or be content with a miserable, unsatisfactory existence. If you are not in fact in high school, then I want you to know that you come off that way. You sound like the standard, stereotypical angst-ridden teenager.
"You sound like a very unhappy person and a bit disturbing with all your inwardly directed anger. It's not healthy.
If you're upset with people then you should communicate with them what you want. Put yourself in other people's shoes. Maybe they don't notice. Maybe someone else on the bus is being an ass and not moving. Maybe the bus driver's daughter just got diagnosed with cancer and he's distracted.
You have no clue what other people are going through. Don't sit there and just emo, focusing your hatred and other creepy shit like that. Bang on the door and say "let me on!" Try to communicate with your fellow human beings!" Seriously?
Fuck that, move to the back of the bus and let people on. it's annoying as hell to have to wait 30 minutes for the bus, and see it come late because the same shit happened at every other stop, with people selfishly refusing to move back as people get off the bus and leaving a huge space there, or having the bus driver skip your stop entirely because there is no room at the front for you because one idiot refuses to take a few steps back. Then you miss your next two connections and have to wait even longer because a few assholes were refusing to be sensible. Maybe they didn't notice my ass, they definitely noticed and made an active decision not to move back. If someone's in the way tell him to move out. Maybe the bus driver has a problem at home? It shouldn't get in the way of being a decent person and not acting like a total douche. also, people who just got there get on the bus and people who have been waiting for a relatively long time dont get on is a lame situation. I really don't understand how people can be so selfish. Everyone is just as busy as you, if you're taking the bus, chances are that you're no one special and if you're so busy that you MUST get home for an emergency or something, take a taxi or something.
op might be overreacting, but I can definitely sympathize.
EPT
said something and people started moving back. FFS its common sense.
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