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Okay, it has been raining really hard today, which caused a power outage at school so classes before 1:30 PM got canceled. Since I'm bored and I'm not in the mood to do anything, I decided to type up a rant that has been bugging me since I was little.
First off, a little background about me. I am an American Vietnamese, yes you read that right, I put American first instead of Vietnamese. Why? Because I see myself as more American than Vietnamese. Growing up as a 2nd generation to Vietnamese refugees because of the war, I learned the Vietnamese culture and language first. I was always open minded to new things, but my dad pretty much made me hate my own ethnicity. Just hearing Vietnamese around me would make me sick since the language is so fucking ugly (sorry, if I offended you guys) and I hate Vietnamese people sometimes. They would always talk shit behind someones back and if that person understands the language somehow they would always pussy out and say "oh oh oh sorri sowwry" and back away slowly. I'm not saying all Vietnamese are like that, I just can't stand most of them.
My relationship with my WHOLE family is stale and I hate all of them, except for my brother and mom I guess. My dad would always hit me and put me in time out whenever I did something wrong. That is okay since it's discipline and it's bad to spoil a child. But my dad continued that all the way until middle school where he would literally yell at me and threatened me if I get below an "A" (I know, I know, Asian standard). One of the punishment is either getting slapped, hit with a belt, or the broom stick. This caused me to grow up pissed off and having a short temper sometimes.
He would often yell at my mom, brother, and I for being "worthless" and how he always bitches for doing the most work. That is a load of bs because my mom cleans the house, cooks dinner, and took care of my brother and I while my dad is away working the late shift. On the weekends, when my mom is doing the daily chores, he would lay in the hammock and yell at my mom for doing a bad job mopping the floor and how she takes too long cooking the food. When it came to my mom being at work on Saturdays (she works 6 days a week), my dad would do his chores of mowing the lawn or do any "man" work. One time, I asked him if he needed help, and he said no, it is fine. I was like okay, and I went back to my room to play some games. When he was done, he came back into the house yelling out loud how pathetic and lazy my brother and I were for not doing anything. He bitched how my brother and I got it easy living in America and how my parents do all the work. Well, first off you denied my request of helping you in the first. I had one of my moments where I wanted to just run to the kitchen and do a Superman punch to his face. Instead, I just told him about the little talk we had earlier and he just rolled his eyes at me and walked away.
Every time I go home, I seriously feel all this negativity the house holds. My parents have been fighting ever since middle school and they always threaten to get a divorce, but it never happens. My mom has the right to complain since she makes around $40K a year while my dad makes around $50K a year. My dad would take half of my mom's paycheck to pay the bills along with his half. He was caught hiding money from my mom, which was pretty much his "fun money" and he went psycho and pulled a knife on my mom. I still remember that day where my brother and I had shit in our hands and was ready to knock my dad out. To make the long story short, my dad backed down and everything went back to "normal".
My mom has been suspecting my dad to be cheating on her since he would do something strange like talking on the cell phone outside the house or leaving at random times in the day when he usually doesn't. Not to mention a long ass phone bill that came in the mail that caused another fight between my parents. About half a year ago, my parents went back to Vietnam to visit relatives and she told me that my dad went on a trip with his brothers to Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City, whatever you want to call it, and pretty much partied like a 21 year old. One of my uncles is a nice and cool guy and he told my mom on what happened. My dad pretty much acted like a pimp and spent hella money partying it up with his brothers, friends, and random ass girls. Instead my mom didn't bother because my dad will just do his tactic of talking loudly and thinking he's the boss, the man, God.
Besides my parents, my dad has always been bugging me about school since I was in middle and high school. He would always tell me the cliche Asian parent talk, which was study hard, do well, and get into a good school. I took some AP classes and higher level classes, which wasn't even on the list for graduation since I had about 30 more credits than I needed to graduate. When the time came to take the SAT's, SAT 2's, etc. I did fine on both tests and was about to apply to CSU's or UC's. I had my eyes on UCLA, UCI, or UCSD because I wanted to get the fuck out of the Bay Area and away from my faggot dad. I told my dad the schools I wanted to apply to and he said don't bother, you're going to De Anza Community College to save me money. WHAT THE FUCK? So I pretty much wasted my time taking AP classes, taking SAT's, and right when I'm about to apply to a school, you now tell me I'm going to a CC? I have no problems of going to a CC, but I wished he would have told me right before I did so many things. What ever happen to "going to a good school"? BULLSHIT, he probably meant going to the closes and cheapest college because my parents make about $100,000 a year combined, which is doable with the help of financial aid. He even talked in this tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans.
By now, you’re probably thinking, just move out. That problem is that I’ve been wanting to move out for a long time, but I have no job right now. I’m still trying to find a job and save up money to move in one of my friend’s apartments. I already know that I might end up getting in a fight with my dad and getting kicked out of the house, but that would be a bad spot to be in. The military was an option to me because I was planning on joining the air force back in senior year when my dad told me about going to a CC. It still sounds like a good idea since they can help pay for school when I come back, but I’m already in my 2nd year at a CC. Any advice? There are so much more I could type about, but I can't think of any right now. And don't think I'm an asshole myself because I'm not. I'm a total opposite of my dad and I always tell myself to never act this way when I have kids.
 
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oh man, what a cock
fuck him- move out asap, coast off of your friends for a month or two till you get cash.
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Dude, calm down. De Anza is a pretty good community college and you will still get the same bachelor's degree as everyone else at basically half the cost (community college for 2 years --> UCs). That is, of course, supposing that you will get to transfer once you are eligible.
Which high school did you go to btw, I went to homestead.
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On October 14 2009 04:54 Fontong wrote:
Dude, calm down. De Anza is a pretty good community college and you will still get the same bachelor's degree as everyone else at basically half the cost (community college for 2 years --> UCs). That is, of course, supposing that you will get to transfer once you are eligible.
Which high school did you go to btw, I went to homestead.
Hahah, sorry about all the rageness in my first post. But yeah, De Anza is a cool college since I like it. I never said it was bad, it's just that doing all the work in high school in order to go to a CSU or UC, and then finding out that I'm going to a CC, is just a kick in the nuts. I went to Fremont High School hahaha.
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There are plenty of college students who have to do it without their parents help. My parents make about 100k combined as well and would have certainly made me take out loans if I chose to go to a bigger college and I wouldn't call them dicks for it. I would also say AP classes are pretty much a waste of money and effort if you plan on actually getting any useful credits out of them. Getting a jump start on college by taking AP physics, chem, calc, however is very helpful for making your first year or two much smoother.
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Talking about superman punching your dad? Stabbing him? Are you thirteen years old? You should probably try to mature a bit and evaluate your situation more objectively, whining about it isn't going to do you any good.
Usually I'm sympathetic to things like this, but you're just whining and moaning. Your parents bug you about school? Your dad disciplines you physically? "He even talked in that faggot tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans." You are going to... take out LOANS!? The horror!!
Grow up. Maybe you should read some of the blogs of the people here who have actual fucking problems. Daddy not wanting to fund your school so you have to take out loans doesn't qualify as a problem.
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i don't know anything about De Anza but i have to agree with Fontong here. Just park it there for 2 years. once you transfer to a UC, might i suggest the ROTC program for financial assistance? you might have to catch up on a lot of stuff but it is worth it to have them pay for all your school expenses.
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Yeah, your dad seems like a dick but chill out on the race hating, bro.
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On October 14 2009 05:04 Track wrote:
Talking about superman punching your dad? Stabbing him? Are you thirteen years old? You should probably try to mature a bit and evaluate your situation more objectively, whining about it isn't going to do you any good.
Usually I'm sympathetic to things like this, but you're just whining and moaning. Your parents bug you about school? Your dad disciplines you physically? "He even talked in that faggot tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans." You are going to... take out LOANS!? The horror!!
Grow up. Maybe you should read some of the blogs of the people here who have actual fucking problems. Daddy not wanting to fund your school so you have to take out loans doesn't qualify as a problem.
First off, all those threats towards my dad isn't serious. It's just rage built up inside of me. I don't believe in violence and I've never gotten into a fight before. I take my rage out by playing games, watching a movie, or just listening to music. The only reason why I'm "whining" is to pour it out. I'm not saying that life comes easy. I just think that parents should at least try to support their kids in some way. And I never said loans is a bad thing since you just put a big emphasis on it. I only talked about loans because seeing a lot of #'s that I have to pay back is a lot on my mind right now since I have some financial problems, which is being taken care of. Besides, you can't compare my problems to others since everyone goes through something difficult. In this case, this is difficult to me.
On October 14 2009 05:09 koreasilver wrote:
Yeah, your dad seems like a dick but chill out on the race hating, bro.
Yeah, I know. People say things that they don't mean. In this case, I just typed that because I was in the moment.
On October 14 2009 05:11 Thesecretaznman wrote:
Holy shit, I am hear reading this for the same reason. I thought only the 10:30/11:30/12:30 classes were cancelled? -_-""
Either way, this just goes to show that some people have it worse off than me.
They are! Ahaha, you should have gotten a call or e-mail on this situation. Classes BEFORE 1:30 are cancelled, but classes at and after 1:30 PM are still meeting.
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Holy shit, I am hear reading this for the same reason. I thought only the 10:30/11:30/12:30 classes were cancelled? -_-""
Either way, this just goes to show that some people have it worse off than me.
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United States24613 Posts
On October 14 2009 05:04 Track wrote:
Talking about superman punching your dad? Stabbing him? Are you thirteen years old? You should probably try to mature a bit and evaluate your situation more objectively, whining about it isn't going to do you any good.
Usually I'm sympathetic to things like this, but you're just whining and moaning. Your parents bug you about school? Your dad disciplines you physically? "He even talked in that faggot tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans." You are going to... take out LOANS!? The horror!!
Grow up. Maybe you should read some of the blogs of the people here who have actual fucking problems. Daddy not wanting to fund your school so you have to take out loans doesn't qualify as a problem.
Your point is well taken by me at the very least, but to be fair he does have real problems that most of us don't face.
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Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?
My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane?
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wow that is an absolutely horrible vicious situation, i hope you get out of it ASAP. Uni would be your best ticket out of there, the freedom is really quite liberating. Assuming you did really good in SATs/GPA, maybe you can get a full scholarship to get you out? Or else if your dad is being an asshole and won't support you, is there any sympathetic extended family members willing to chip in to help? I dont know shit about you but I'd ask around mom's side of family, assuming she has talked about his assholery to them there might be sympathetic ears there. Also getting loans is not the end of the world, that would be preferable to joining the military and wasting your life there. Surely they would pay for the application fee, it doesnt make any sense at all that they would push you for high grades but not willing to pay the application fees.
>_< hang in there brother, the grass on the other side of the fence is way greener, and although I'm not completely crossed over yet, my situation is lucky compared to yours. Know also that that which does not kill you makes you stronger, and whatever you do to pull yourself through this will make you that much more stronger than your peers who have it easy.
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T.O.P.
Hong Kong4685 Posts
I read the whole thing and I think the only serious thing your family has wronged you is that they won't support you to go to UC. I think it's fucked up to force you kids to work hard only to send them to community college.
All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.
I don't get why you hate Asians when you're a Asian yourself.
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Don't listen to the idiots calling you whiny. You have perfectly legitimate reasons to feel the way you do about your dad. And I'm 100% certain you're not someone who usually complains.
Wish I could offer you some advice. Only thing I can think of is moving out asap, and you seem to have come to that conclusion all by yourself. Just get away from that crap. Your dad will most probably never change, and he'll continue being a constant drag on your mood as long as you stay around.
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On October 14 2009 05:17 keV. wrote:
Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?
My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane?
I love my parents.
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This your plan. Take out the profanity, clean this up, make it shorter.
Call that your personal essay for college. IF you really did so well on your tests and took such hard classes, that combined with your awesome background story and immigrant status will get you in easily at tier 1.5 schools like brown etc.
Seriously, im not kidding. I'm applying to schools this year, and if my dad beat me, i'd be sure as fuck to write about it. Colleges want to see you having drive, overcoming adversity, all that crap.
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Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
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On October 14 2009 05:21 T.O.P. wrote:
I read the whole thing and I think the only serious thing your family has wronged you is that they won't support you to go to UC. I think it's fucked up to force you kids to work hard only to send them to community college.
All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.
I don't get why you hate Asians when you're a Asian yourself.
I know it's "standard". I dunno why you stated that I think like an American since there's no such thing along with asian thinking. I have mixed feelings about being Vietnamese. Sometimes I feel proud and sometimes I don't I'm sure everyone felt this way at least once in their life.
On October 14 2009 05:25 m3rciless wrote:
This your plan. Take out the profanity, clean this up, make it shorter.
Call that your personal essay for college. IF you really did so well on your tests and took such hard classes, that combined with your awesome background story and immigrant status will get you in easily at tier 1.5 schools like brown etc.
Seriously, im not kidding. I'm applying to schools this year, and if my dad beat me, i'd be sure as fuck to write about it. Colleges want to see you having drive, overcoming adversity, all that crap.
I dunno, it can be hit or miss depending on the place, but I doubt I'll be the only one talking about how bad of a life I had. (so far since I believe things can get better)
On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
I never said it's hard to be a dad. He just needs to look around the house and see that he is the one bringing down EVERYONE in the house. He makes my mom cry and he makes my brother feel like shit because he's 25 and living at home, which is not his fault since he got laid off. Where did I stated that he had it easy? It's the other way around. He THINKS we have it easy when we don't. My brother and I offer to help sometimes, but now we don't because he would always throw a tantrum. Freedom or choice? He always goes out on the weekend and drinks with his buddies. He has a nice balance of work and fun. He was laid off from work for about half a year so far until recently he got a temporary job. So that is a nice long vacation from doing nothing.
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On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
He explicitly said that his mother earns almost half of the household income, and his father hid parts of his income from the family while using his mother's income freely to pay for stuff.
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On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
He said the mother makes $40k/year and the father makes $50k/year
Doesn't excuse him from being an asshole either.
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i think you're mistaken in saying "American Vietnamese." In that sense you're using American to describe what type of Vietnamese you are, rather than a Vietnamese American, which follows your sentiments of being primarily an American.
^^;
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On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
His dad probably doesn't have the easiest life, but that doesn't justify belting the kids or pulling a knife on his wife. The dad sounds psycho, honestly.
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Blogs like these make me think my parents are fucking saints. If I had your dad, I probably would have flipped out or gone crazy and murdered someone.
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On October 14 2009 05:50 Djabanete wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-) His dad probably doesn't have the easiest life, but that doesn't justify belting the kids or pulling a knife on his wife. The dad sounds psycho, honestly.
My dad didn't have an easy life because he was born in a poor family in Vietnam. At age 17/18, the Vietnam War broke out and he was drafted into the South Vietnamese airborne as a lieutenant. Even with all the things my dad has done to me, I still respect him for surviving through the war and moving to the states to start a new life. It's just that I have mixed feelings towards him. It's just tough love and a love-hate relationship, but the things he has done doesn't make sense. My mom, brother and I try to talk to him, but it never works since it's like all the things we say goes in his head and goes out right away.
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Your dad might have done a million courageous things, but that doesn't justify how he treats you and your family.
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I share you pain man. Most of the older generation dads are like that (including mine). Except my dad's words hurt like a whip to my mind. In my opinion, a good person showed by twice as nice if he's been through sht, because that way the pain's chain would end.
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My dad was a POW and was sent to live in what seems to be an outhouse with 4 other guys for 7 years. Seriously, you have a great life if thats your only family problem.
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Dude, if I were you I'd be soo worried about your mom.
Reading about your dad pisses me off.
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Being a Vietnamese myself, I understand the expectation that our parents have but fortunately for me my parents aren't as hard on those expectations.
Your father sure has overdone it. But I think you got it wrong about Vietnamese. There certainly are good and bad people in everywhere it's just somehow your experience was always mostly with the bad one.
But I'm not a Vietnamese American, I just come to the State for college so my experience might be not enough to understand your problems.
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Man dude i have the SAME situation as you except my dad isn't nearly as bad. Now just like you, i don't have the best relationship with him either but as i grew older and older things seemed to start getting better. Now for you are already in your second year in CC, just finish it and then go to a proper college.
My dad grew up in a poor town in inner mongolia, and basically where he grew up he had nothing, he had 1 pair of shirts/t-shirt, he worked his ass off every single day and got beat by his mom when he got home for not doing a good enough job. I can understand him from my perspective. Now it seems like you can understand your father just the same way.
I want you to know that it ISN"T GOING TO GET BETTER if you just sit and do nothing. I was abused as a child as well, by belting, slapping hard, and kicking and other sorta things. I even got spat on by my dad and i felt greatly disrespected. What made things better for me was that i stood up to him one day and told him that what he's been doing for my entire life with all the beatings i recieved hurt me A LOT emotionally, made depression as my normal state of consciousness, and i also told him that his abuse made me shake and anxious during tests which resulted in really bad scores. As a result of that i was able to change him.
I believe that most people can face their fears, and the BIGGEST obstacle to defeat is the fear of death. I know this might sound cheesy, but when you are no longer afraid of death, NOTHING will scare you. Just think of it, most of the time we aren't actually afraid to "die" we are afraid of the process to dying, like getting stabbed or feeling really really sick..etc. But in this modern technology we have anaestasia and all other pain killers that makes death not that painful as hundreds of years ago. Plus in a situation like when you're standing up to your dad, most likely you will have a LOT of endorphines running in your body, so it acts as a natural pain killer anyways if anything bad happens, (this is me expecting the worst based on your story. As in he pulled a knife on you and actually did use it which i HIGHLY doubt he has the balls to do so.) So you have to start slowly and show emotion to your father that what he's doing is complete bullshit and is not helping you in any way or form. If he starts saying shit like "you know how hard it is for me to get this far and how you've dissapointed me? what i'm doing is justified" just respond with like, it doesn't matter if YOU Think its justified, if you're my dad and you're trying to help me be a success you should be doing whats best for me, and listen to my ideas of whats best. If he starts raging, you have to start raging as well. You can't show fear man, if you show him that you got a spine and can and is willing to put up a fight, TRUST me he WILL back down.
Don't be the aggressor to first initiate anything physical, if he takes out his belt just grab it and take it away from his hands. Don't "fight" your dad just show him you're not scared and take w/e he tries to harm you away in a confident way.
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On October 14 2009 06:15 Kurosaki wrote:
My dad was a POW and was sent to live in what seems to be an outhouse with 4 other guys for 7 years. Seriously, you have a great life if thats your only family problem. this made absolutely no sense. okay the OP may not have the worst life in the world but how does he have a "great life"? its nothing to be absolutely emo over but he definitely does not have a "great life", especially when it comes to his relationship with his father. and it definitely doesn't have anything to do with your father.
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On October 14 2009 06:25 YPang wrote:
But in this modern technology we have anaestasia and all other pain killers that makes death not that painful as hundreds of years ago. man you really digressed didn't you... haha
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I wish I had a jackass dad, everything in my life as been so easy and it's made me a pussy
being spoiled is overrated
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On October 14 2009 06:29 redtooth wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 06:25 YPang wrote:
I believe that most people can face their fears, and the BIGGEST obstacle to defeat is the fear of death. I know this might sound cheesy, but when you are no longer afraid of death, NOTHING will scare you. Just think of it, most of the time we aren't actually afraid to "die" we are afraid of the process to dying, like getting stabbed or feeling really really sick..etc. But in this modern technology we have anaestasia and all other pain killers that makes death not that painful as hundreds of years ago. Plus in a situation like when you're standing up to your dad, most likely you will have a LOT of endorphines running in your body, so it acts as a natural pain killer anyways if anything bad happens, (this is me expecting the worst based on your story. As in he pulled a knife on you and actually did use it which i HIGHLY doubt he has the balls to do so.) So you have to start slowly and show emotion to your father that what he's doing is complete bullshit and is not helping you in any way or form. If he starts saying shit like "you know how hard it is for me to get this far and how you've dissapointed me? what i'm doing is justified" just respond with like, it doesn't matter if YOU Think its justified, if you're my dad and you're trying to help me be a success you should be doing whats best for me, and listen to my ideas of whats best. If he starts raging, you have to start raging as well. You can't show fear man, if you show him that you got a spine and can and is willing to put up a fight, TRUST me he WILL back down. man you really digressed didn't you... haha
Yes i did, but you know many times the obstacles we have to face in our lives is not direct. This is a way to get rid of the mental block to face your fears. i sorta feel like telling the guy to "talk to your dad about it and how bad he's treating you and how its not working..etc" is not gonna to get him to do it because he probably THOGUHT about it 100% and he hasn't done it before, so me reinterating it again won't help any further lol.
I mean honestly, if you are OKAY with dying what CAN you be afraid of? NOTHING. Obviously this is an over-exaggeration for his situation most likely, but it can be used for future references as well...
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You seem intelligent. I hope this horrible situation doesn't destroy you before you can get out 
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+ Show Spoiler +On October 14 2009 05:37 zoLo wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:21 T.O.P. wrote:
I read the whole thing and I think the only serious thing your family has wronged you is that they won't support you to go to UC. I think it's fucked up to force you kids to work hard only to send them to community college.
All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.
I don't get why you hate Asians when you're a Asian yourself. I know it's "standard". I dunno why you stated that I think like an American since there's no such thing along with asian thinking. I have mixed feelings about being Vietnamese. Sometimes I feel proud and sometimes I don't I'm sure everyone felt this way at least once in their life. Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:25 m3rciless wrote:
This your plan. Take out the profanity, clean this up, make it shorter.
Call that your personal essay for college. IF you really did so well on your tests and took such hard classes, that combined with your awesome background story and immigrant status will get you in easily at tier 1.5 schools like brown etc.
Seriously, im not kidding. I'm applying to schools this year, and if my dad beat me, i'd be sure as fuck to write about it. Colleges want to see you having drive, overcoming adversity, all that crap. I dunno, it can be hit or miss depending on the place, but I doubt I'll be the only one talking about how bad of a life I had. (so far since I believe things can get better) Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-) I never said it's hard to be a dad. He just needs to look around the house and see that he is the one bringing down EVERYONE in the house. He makes my mom cry and he makes my brother feel like shit because he's 25 and living at home, which is not his fault since he got laid off. Where did I stated that he had it easy? It's the other way around. He THINKS we have it easy when we don't. My brother and I offer to help sometimes, but now we don't because he would always throw a tantrum. Freedom or choice? He always goes out on the weekend and drinks with his buddies. He has a nice balance of work and fun. He was laid off from work for about half a year so far until recently he got a temporary job. So that is a nice long vacation from doing nothing.
Do it anyway. You'll get in somewhere, and the majority of those colleges are need blind admissions.
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Actually going to Community College, and then transferring to a good school is perfectly viable and good method of saving money.
But if you really hate your dad and stuff, just get a loan and go to a good school that you deserve. Therefore, you can get away from your parents and stuff too.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9933 Posts
On October 14 2009 05:21 T.O.P. wrote:All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.
how can anyone understand it? it is unjustifiable across the board. have you seen what it's done to kids? i'm not talking about the extreme cases on the news, but the masses of otherwise nondescript asian kids who have to go through the system with no confidence, huge inferiority complexes, and unconscious self-loathing. it's sick.
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Eventtemples.com , ebook "Living from the heart" - this might be insanely helpful.
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On October 14 2009 05:04 Track wrote:
Talking about superman punching your dad? Stabbing him? Are you thirteen years old? You should probably try to mature a bit and evaluate your situation more objectively, whining about it isn't going to do you any good.
Usually I'm sympathetic to things like this, but you're just whining and moaning. Your parents bug you about school? Your dad disciplines you physically? "He even talked in that faggot tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans." You are going to... take out LOANS!? The horror!!
Grow up. Maybe you should read some of the blogs of the people here who have actual fucking problems. Daddy not wanting to fund your school so you have to take out loans doesn't qualify as a problem.
Ones father beeing crazy enough to pull a knife on ones mother just might though?
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On October 14 2009 06:49 AzureEye wrote:
Actually going to Community College, and then transferring to a good school is perfectly viable and good method of saving money.
But if you really hate your dad and stuff, just get a loan and go to a good school that you deserve. Therefore, you can get away from your parents and stuff too. Yep. I wish I had done that. Spent so much money on 2 years of pretty pointless classes before I got to the good stuff
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This sounds almost exactly like what my Vietnamese ex-girlfriend thinks of her father.
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I'm not entirely sure how the scholarship system works where you are. But in Texas, I use www.applytexas.org and fill out all the scholarships I can. That, along with financial aid I was able to go to school for free and get 7,000 dollars back a semester as a refund. I used that for my apartment/food and also got some hefty goodies. Sounds like you've busted your ass through school and you're getting the short end of the stick. Get in touch with the councilors at your school and ask them how to apply for scholarships. They should have many that you can fill out. Fill out all that you can, apply to the schools you want to go and when the money comes in you'll be in a good shape.
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Hey long time lurker here so I might as well help you out here.
Now, I'm a Vietnamese American as you are (less not get to that argument since thats what we aren't talking about), and I'm in the about the exact same situation as you are. I'm also in my 2nd year of community college and my dad is an asshole as well due to being working way too much and other stuff. However, I found that your dad is even more of an asshole than mines' which I feel sorry for you (details about my father won't matter much here). But the thing is, you are close to finishing your time in that community college and be off to another university where your pressures from your dad will be off a lot. You're better off with this option because not only you seem bright (which I'm assuming you spent a lot of time in your APs and SATs) but also you will experience the amount of freedom you will have there. I went to a tour to one of UCs schools with my friend showing around the places and what he does for this type of living, and I have to say, it's one of the best possible feelings to live in environment where no restrictions can be from your parents ( although I might exaggerate this a bit but you get the point).
IMO, military isn't the best choice, even though I have thoughts of joining too during my high school years, because why put yourself more into in a messy situation where joining a 4 year-university can alleviate some of your troubles off. As you stated before, you will be far away from your house where you won't face your dad a lot. But thats just me because I have enough living my dad for God knows long I suffered from him, and I don't feel like going to the military a bit. But if you must for financial aid, join the ROTC of that university. Some universities might not have the Air Force ROTC that you might look for but at least you can be in both places at the same time and place.
Hopefully this can help you, and sorry if there is something wrong with this cause I'm not the best when it comes to English.
But one thing I want to point out that you are almost finish with college. All you need to do is complete your second year, transfer, complete the rest of the years in a 4-year university, and get that degree.
Just survive a few more years and you will be in control.
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Hey dude, I'm went through the same thing when I got out of HS. They told me to go to CC too lol. I still think I shoulda went right out of HS. But whatever. I'm almost done :V
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On October 14 2009 06:28 redtooth wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 06:15 Kurosaki wrote:
My dad was a POW and was sent to live in what seems to be an outhouse with 4 other guys for 7 years. Seriously, you have a great life if thats your only family problem. this made absolutely no sense. okay the OP may not have the worst life in the world but how does he have a "great life"? its nothing to be absolutely emo over but he definitely does not have a "great life", especially when it comes to his relationship with his father. and it definitely doesn't have anything to do with your father.
His dad and my dad are one the same. Only difference is that my dad is a heavy drinker. I'm Viet so yes I understand. Only difference is that I know how great my life really is. Just look at him. His parent makes double what mine makes. OP only mentioned problems with his dad. I have problems with my dad, sister, and brother.
Why am I so optimistic?
Because I haven't witness real life-changing event that can really fuck me over. I'm healthy, no financial burden, and nothing charged against me. Nothing catastrophic which I find is great.
His situation isn't rare. Hell, I have friends whose siblings have schizophrenia and bi-polar. Compare to what I've seen, his family is normal. Great even. He just doesn't know it.
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United States4796 Posts
My dad is also somewhat unreasonable. Physical violence was a constant in my house until I was 13.
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
uh >_<
What happened at 13? Btw sorry to hear this
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i think most of Asian dads are the same... My dad was/is pretty bad at parenting (minus physical violence, and cheating on my mother), and would still occasionally yell at me whenever I come home and visit even though I moved out four years ago.
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So many people here are so used to jumping on the people that post these kinda blogs about how easy they have it
I would definitely try to find a job and move in with a friend. The UC/CSU would give the most aide to you if you lived alone (basing it off household income), but i know its not too viable here in the bay.
Hang in there, he'll get his in the end when he's alone, old, and senile.
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On October 14 2009 09:14 Kurosaki wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 06:28 redtooth wrote:On October 14 2009 06:15 Kurosaki wrote:
My dad was a POW and was sent to live in what seems to be an outhouse with 4 other guys for 7 years. Seriously, you have a great life if thats your only family problem. this made absolutely no sense. okay the OP may not have the worst life in the world but how does he have a "great life"? its nothing to be absolutely emo over but he definitely does not have a "great life", especially when it comes to his relationship with his father. and it definitely doesn't have anything to do with your father. His dad and my dad are one the same. Only difference is that my dad is a heavy drinker. I'm Viet so yes I understand. Only difference is that I know how great my life really is. Just look at him. His parent makes double what mine makes. OP only mentioned problems with his dad. I have problems with my dad, sister, and brother. Why am I so optimistic? Because I haven't witness real life-changing event that can really fuck me over. I'm healthy, no financial burden, and nothing charged against me. Nothing catastrophic which I find is great. His situation isn't rare. Hell, I have friends whose siblings have schizophrenia and bi-polar. Compare to what I've seen, his family is normal. Great even. He just doesn't know it.
You can't say other people have "great lives" just cause nothing catastrophic happens. It's not that easy to understand people's troubles no matter how similar your situations may seem to be.
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Hey guys, thanks for all the helpful posts (some of them). But yeah, I already have my goals set and I plan on following it. I decided to not go the military route since I already finished 1 year at CC and I'll probably end up missing most of my friends.
I just need to find a part time job, but it's hard since I apply to a lot of places and I get interviews, but I never get a call back even if I call them about my status. I still have time because I plan on moving out once I transfer to SJSU (if I have a job by then), so that gives me a lot of time to job hunt.
As for my dad, I plan on writing a letter to him (since I can't talk to him in person because he's stubborn) when I move out the house and I'll use what I wrote in my 1st post (revised of course since I can't write in my native language that well) in the letter, but with extra things that always bugged me.
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51391 Posts
On October 14 2009 05:17 keV. wrote:
Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?
My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane?
even though i'm asian my parents always accept what i want to do. they don't have any second thoughts on my objectives and ideals.
weird eh.
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On October 15 2009 13:39 GTR wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:17 keV. wrote:
Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?
My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane? even though i'm asian my parents always accept what i want to do. they don't have any second thoughts on my objectives and ideals. weird eh.
You should be happy lol. It's pretty rare to see understandable Asian parents (usually the ones not born in the Asian country are )
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On October 14 2009 06:53 intrigue wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:21 T.O.P. wrote:All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American. how can anyone understand it? it is unjustifiable across the board. have you seen what it's done to kids? i'm not talking about the extreme cases on the news, but the masses of otherwise nondescript asian kids who have to go through the system with no confidence, huge inferiority complexes, and unconscious self-loathing. it's sick.
intrigue nailed the heart of the problem here. This is exactly what you're stuck in and you don't have the courage to stand up to your dad directly. Why else would you send him a letter after you move out? (this is perfectly understandable, very few people would be able to do that to his face)
Your dad definitely sounds worse than most, especially the partying. I wonder what your dad feels here. Does he feel trapped and obligated to your family? I could ramble a while here, but I don't really feel like writing a bunch of barely connected thoughts (I'm tired now).
Back to the first idea, what are the ways for someone to feel liberated from the self esteem crushing asian upbringing? Unless the letter creates some amazing discussion, zolo will probably still feel the effects of it alot. *can* anyone actually escape from that feeling or is the natural course of that to go on as an adult feeling that way and doing stupid crap like his dad to assert superiority?
sorry if everything after the first paragraph is incoherent, I'm just sitting here typing as things come to my mind
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if it matters
im vietnamese and this shit doesnt happen to me at all
i understand where you could get the race hating though
sometimes i dont like vietnamese people either cause they always got something to say
but thats HAS to be with every language too right? so lay off on that
everyone talks mad shit
you just understand that one language thats all
on behalf of your dad, hes a dick
my uncle is the same he cheated on my aunt and went back to vietnam
he found a wife there and wouldnt divorce my aunt and then eventually went back to my aunt after his new girlfriend ditched him.
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leach him for his money, then gtfo. gl hf
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United States10328 Posts
my dad does some things like that too. except he wants me to go to a not-community-college. getting hit, yelled at, cursed at, w/e it's normal for asians. not a good thing, but... it works? maybe? (maybe not.)
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lol I thought Race was back for a sec
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my post was mean so i edited...
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I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My (Asian) father was great! One of the most patient people I know: very well respected in the community (we couldn't visit anywhere in the world without someone recognizing him or contacting him!), would discipline us when needed, was a good husband to my mother and a loving dad to us kids... and of course he got real angry sometimes.
It sucks that you're in this kind of situation and I can't really relate, but I hope that in the end everything works out for you and your relationship with your father is healed.
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To the dude at the start who told him to just calm down.
I wish I could be as cool as you, just tell myself to calm down if I had an abusive occassionalky violent father making home life hell for me every day. Great job on understanding him and his need to rant.
I suppose you were already as mature at his age that it was easy for you to calm down in the face of daily emotional sh*t, and be totally unaffected, guess I missed that.
Anyway, sorry to hear of your situation. If you can find a space for yourself where you feel a little more freedom and control, and then every day or week expand that space a little. Whether it be a part-time job, volunteering, regula dance classes and/or meditating. Then his words will have less impact, and more importantly you will feel more in control of your life. Do your best to be the mature one at all times, as hard as it is, do it for yourself so you practice not ever going down to his level.
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On October 14 2009 05:17 keV. wrote:
Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?
My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane?
I think that if you think your parents are crazy, telling them that will probably only result in bad things.
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I think "pressure" is a poor excuse for being a bad parent (hitting children is illegal btw in most 1st world countries), i see lots of people who had it much worse and were really nice parents and now have really nice children wioth a good relationship to them.
Having a child is a choice, you cant blame the child for being a "burden" after making that choice.
telling crazy parents they are crazy does nothing in my experience, they hold all the power and can be as crazy as they want to, only when you grew up and move on you can tell them and leave them behind in their misery.
But if anyone here reads this and is like 13 and has his parent hitting them, you can actually get help either by talking to a teacher in school for help or going to city workers or even police, especially in countries like germany. Hitting children is not accaptable anymore in our country.
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On August 18 2015 07:28 Ristoff wrote:
To the dude at the start who told him to just calm down.
I wish I could be as cool as you, just tell myself to calm down if I had an abusive occassionalky violent father making home life hell for me every day. Great job on understanding him and his need to rant.
I suppose you were already as mature at his age that it was easy for you to calm down in the face of daily emotional sh*t, and be totally unaffected, guess I missed that.
Anyway, sorry to hear of your situation. If you can find a space for yourself where you feel a little more freedom and control, and then every day or week expand that space a little. Whether it be a part-time job, volunteering, regula dance classes and/or meditating. Then his words will have less impact, and more importantly you will feel more in control of your life. Do your best to be the mature one at all times, as hard as it is, do it for yourself so you practice not ever going down to his level.
I'm sure he's calmed down even though it's only been six years. I got into an argument with my mom over marijuana legalization seven years ago, and I'm STILL really annoyed.
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Hi zolo, I don't know you but I do.
Every kid has to feel his parents doing something wrong to them, it is a normal upbringing happenstance. While it is a norm and it can take a variety of faces/forms (some acceptable/normal some unacceptable/illegal), a "parent abused" kid always recognizes/knows another abused kid.
As it has been stated, BEATING UP YOUR KIDS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!
The rationalization of
"well it is for my own good"
"he didn't mean it and feels sorry after"
"it helps build up character"
"he only did it this once, and it was my fault"
etc
stems from an act of rationalization, nothing more.
You want (and always have the right to demand) to love your abuser but you have to change what he did (downplay it) so as to convince yourself that he is worth loving and that therefore you are normal, ergo what we "all" aspire to be, ergo how we manage to rationalize insane s#it done to us.
Living in hate, living in fear is not living. That you can't change things (until you "avoid" them further by leaving the "household responsible for your pain) is not to say you agree/don't care, it is just the circumstances (he is your legal guardian blablabla).
I would encourage you to be strong etc but I am not about the present (typing in this post right now), but about the future.
You will be completely taken by surprise when it is your turn to raise a kid, it will hurt even more if you have "only" buried these things that make you who you are right now, rather than "faced" all that comes from such an upbringing and all you lost from not having a "happier/more loving" upbringing.
Most people will deny it but raising kids is hard (not to mention how societies are, just "households) and making peace with your own "being a kid" foundation is vital to avoid failing as your own parents might have (in the case of your father: he's "f cked up" and he will destroy anything and say "sorry" later, case closed).
That is all it is: making peace with your own deamons.
The future is yours, don't let your past ruin your future.
ps: Good luck! + Show Spoiler [To read in a few years] + when you have done this dissociation/introspection work (introspection making you accept that it is not you, but him who is to blame) (dissociation: you can now look at it more objectively and judge what effect it has done to you),
possibly kick the s#it out of him when applicable, with words, nothing hurts more than true words from a son to a father!
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Heads up, this thread was posted in october 2009.
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Yes and that is relevant to you.
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EPT
