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Why is my Dad an ASSHOLE?!

Blogs > zoLo
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zoLo
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States5896 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-10-13 20:45:45
October 13 2009 19:48 GMT
#1
Okay, it has been raining really hard today, which caused a power outage at school so classes before 1:30 PM got canceled. Since I'm bored and I'm not in the mood to do anything, I decided to type up a rant that has been bugging me since I was little.

First off, a little background about me. I am an American Vietnamese, yes you read that right, I put American first instead of Vietnamese. Why? Because I see myself as more American than Vietnamese. Growing up as a 2nd generation to Vietnamese refugees because of the war, I learned the Vietnamese culture and language first. I was always open minded to new things, but my dad pretty much made me hate my own ethnicity. Just hearing Vietnamese around me would make me sick since the language is so fucking ugly (sorry, if I offended you guys) and I hate Vietnamese people sometimes. They would always talk shit behind someones back and if that person understands the language somehow they would always pussy out and say "oh oh oh sorri sowwry" and back away slowly. I'm not saying all Vietnamese are like that, I just can't stand most of them.

My relationship with my WHOLE family is stale and I hate all of them, except for my brother and mom I guess. My dad would always hit me and put me in time out whenever I did something wrong. That is okay since it's discipline and it's bad to spoil a child. But my dad continued that all the way until middle school where he would literally yell at me and threatened me if I get below an "A" (I know, I know, Asian standard). One of the punishment is either getting slapped, hit with a belt, or the broom stick. This caused me to grow up pissed off and having a short temper sometimes.

He would often yell at my mom, brother, and I for being "worthless" and how he always bitches for doing the most work. That is a load of bs because my mom cleans the house, cooks dinner, and took care of my brother and I while my dad is away working the late shift. On the weekends, when my mom is doing the daily chores, he would lay in the hammock and yell at my mom for doing a bad job mopping the floor and how she takes too long cooking the food. When it came to my mom being at work on Saturdays (she works 6 days a week), my dad would do his chores of mowing the lawn or do any "man" work. One time, I asked him if he needed help, and he said no, it is fine. I was like okay, and I went back to my room to play some games. When he was done, he came back into the house yelling out loud how pathetic and lazy my brother and I were for not doing anything. He bitched how my brother and I got it easy living in America and how my parents do all the work. Well, first off you denied my request of helping you in the first. I had one of my moments where I wanted to just run to the kitchen and do a Superman punch to his face. Instead, I just told him about the little talk we had earlier and he just rolled his eyes at me and walked away.

Every time I go home, I seriously feel all this negativity the house holds. My parents have been fighting ever since middle school and they always threaten to get a divorce, but it never happens. My mom has the right to complain since she makes around $40K a year while my dad makes around $50K a year. My dad would take half of my mom's paycheck to pay the bills along with his half. He was caught hiding money from my mom, which was pretty much his "fun money" and he went psycho and pulled a knife on my mom. I still remember that day where my brother and I had shit in our hands and was ready to knock my dad out. To make the long story short, my dad backed down and everything went back to "normal".

My mom has been suspecting my dad to be cheating on her since he would do something strange like talking on the cell phone outside the house or leaving at random times in the day when he usually doesn't. Not to mention a long ass phone bill that came in the mail that caused another fight between my parents. About half a year ago, my parents went back to Vietnam to visit relatives and she told me that my dad went on a trip with his brothers to Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City, whatever you want to call it, and pretty much partied like a 21 year old. One of my uncles is a nice and cool guy and he told my mom on what happened. My dad pretty much acted like a pimp and spent hella money partying it up with his brothers, friends, and random ass girls. Instead my mom didn't bother because my dad will just do his tactic of talking loudly and thinking he's the boss, the man, God.

Besides my parents, my dad has always been bugging me about school since I was in middle and high school. He would always tell me the cliche Asian parent talk, which was study hard, do well, and get into a good school. I took some AP classes and higher level classes, which wasn't even on the list for graduation since I had about 30 more credits than I needed to graduate. When the time came to take the SAT's, SAT 2's, etc. I did fine on both tests and was about to apply to CSU's or UC's. I had my eyes on UCLA, UCI, or UCSD because I wanted to get the fuck out of the Bay Area and away from my faggot dad. I told my dad the schools I wanted to apply to and he said don't bother, you're going to De Anza Community College to save me money. WHAT THE FUCK? So I pretty much wasted my time taking AP classes, taking SAT's, and right when I'm about to apply to a school, you now tell me I'm going to a CC? I have no problems of going to a CC, but I wished he would have told me right before I did so many things. What ever happen to "going to a good school"? BULLSHIT, he probably meant going to the closes and cheapest college because my parents make about $100,000 a year combined, which is doable with the help of financial aid. He even talked in this tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans.

By now, you’re probably thinking, just move out. That problem is that I’ve been wanting to move out for a long time, but I have no job right now. I’m still trying to find a job and save up money to move in one of my friend’s apartments. I already know that I might end up getting in a fight with my dad and getting kicked out of the house, but that would be a bad spot to be in. The military was an option to me because I was planning on joining the air force back in senior year when my dad told me about going to a CC. It still sounds like a good idea since they can help pay for school when I come back, but I’m already in my 2nd year at a CC. Any advice? There are so much more I could type about, but I can't think of any right now. And don't think I'm an asshole myself because I'm not. I'm a total opposite of my dad and I always tell myself to never act this way when I have kids.


****
lighter
Profile Blog Joined September 2009
United States152 Posts
October 13 2009 19:54 GMT
#2
oh man, what a cock
fuck him- move out asap, coast off of your friends for a month or two till you get cash.
Fontong
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States6454 Posts
October 13 2009 19:54 GMT
#3
Dude, calm down. De Anza is a pretty good community college and you will still get the same bachelor's degree as everyone else at basically half the cost (community college for 2 years --> UCs). That is, of course, supposing that you will get to transfer once you are eligible.

Which high school did you go to btw, I went to homestead.
[SECRET FONT] "Dragoon bunker"
zoLo
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States5896 Posts
October 13 2009 20:02 GMT
#4
On October 14 2009 04:54 Fontong wrote:
Dude, calm down. De Anza is a pretty good community college and you will still get the same bachelor's degree as everyone else at basically half the cost (community college for 2 years --> UCs). That is, of course, supposing that you will get to transfer once you are eligible.

Which high school did you go to btw, I went to homestead.


Hahah, sorry about all the rageness in my first post. But yeah, De Anza is a cool college since I like it. I never said it was bad, it's just that doing all the work in high school in order to go to a CSU or UC, and then finding out that I'm going to a CC, is just a kick in the nuts. I went to Fremont High School hahaha.
Bosu
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States3247 Posts
October 13 2009 20:03 GMT
#5
There are plenty of college students who have to do it without their parents help. My parents make about 100k combined as well and would have certainly made me take out loans if I chose to go to a bigger college and I wouldn't call them dicks for it. I would also say AP classes are pretty much a waste of money and effort if you plan on actually getting any useful credits out of them. Getting a jump start on college by taking AP physics, chem, calc, however is very helpful for making your first year or two much smoother.
#1 Kwanro Fan
Track
Profile Blog Joined May 2006
United States217 Posts
October 13 2009 20:04 GMT
#6
Talking about superman punching your dad? Stabbing him? Are you thirteen years old? You should probably try to mature a bit and evaluate your situation more objectively, whining about it isn't going to do you any good.

Usually I'm sympathetic to things like this, but you're just whining and moaning. Your parents bug you about school? Your dad disciplines you physically? "He even talked in that faggot tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans." You are going to... take out LOANS!? The horror!!

Grow up. Maybe you should read some of the blogs of the people here who have actual fucking problems. Daddy not wanting to fund your school so you have to take out loans doesn't qualify as a problem.
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
theron[wdt]
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States395 Posts
October 13 2009 20:06 GMT
#7
i don't know anything about De Anza but i have to agree with Fontong here. Just park it there for 2 years. once you transfer to a UC, might i suggest the ROTC program for financial assistance? you might have to catch up on a lot of stuff but it is worth it to have them pay for all your school expenses.
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
October 13 2009 20:09 GMT
#8
Yeah, your dad seems like a dick but chill out on the race hating, bro.
zoLo
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States5896 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-10-13 20:13:57
October 13 2009 20:11 GMT
#9
On October 14 2009 05:04 Track wrote:
Talking about superman punching your dad? Stabbing him? Are you thirteen years old? You should probably try to mature a bit and evaluate your situation more objectively, whining about it isn't going to do you any good.

Usually I'm sympathetic to things like this, but you're just whining and moaning. Your parents bug you about school? Your dad disciplines you physically? "He even talked in that faggot tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans." You are going to... take out LOANS!? The horror!!

Grow up. Maybe you should read some of the blogs of the people here who have actual fucking problems. Daddy not wanting to fund your school so you have to take out loans doesn't qualify as a problem.


First off, all those threats towards my dad isn't serious. It's just rage built up inside of me. I don't believe in violence and I've never gotten into a fight before. I take my rage out by playing games, watching a movie, or just listening to music. The only reason why I'm "whining" is to pour it out. I'm not saying that life comes easy. I just think that parents should at least try to support their kids in some way. And I never said loans is a bad thing since you just put a big emphasis on it. I only talked about loans because seeing a lot of #'s that I have to pay back is a lot on my mind right now since I have some financial problems, which is being taken care of. Besides, you can't compare my problems to others since everyone goes through something difficult. In this case, this is difficult to me.

On October 14 2009 05:09 koreasilver wrote:
Yeah, your dad seems like a dick but chill out on the race hating, bro.


Yeah, I know. People say things that they don't mean. In this case, I just typed that because I was in the moment.

On October 14 2009 05:11 Thesecretaznman wrote:
Holy shit, I am hear reading this for the same reason. I thought only the 10:30/11:30/12:30 classes were cancelled? -_-""

Either way, this just goes to show that some people have it worse off than me.


They are! Ahaha, you should have gotten a call or e-mail on this situation. Classes BEFORE 1:30 are cancelled, but classes at and after 1:30 PM are still meeting.
doktorLucifer
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States855 Posts
October 13 2009 20:11 GMT
#10
Holy shit, I am hear reading this for the same reason. I thought only the 10:30/11:30/12:30 classes were cancelled? -_-""

Either way, this just goes to show that some people have it worse off than me.
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24637 Posts
October 13 2009 20:12 GMT
#11
On October 14 2009 05:04 Track wrote:
Talking about superman punching your dad? Stabbing him? Are you thirteen years old? You should probably try to mature a bit and evaluate your situation more objectively, whining about it isn't going to do you any good.

Usually I'm sympathetic to things like this, but you're just whining and moaning. Your parents bug you about school? Your dad disciplines you physically? "He even talked in that faggot tone how if I wanted to go to a far away college, I had to do it by myself because he won’t support me. So that means I have to take a bunch of loans." You are going to... take out LOANS!? The horror!!

Grow up. Maybe you should read some of the blogs of the people here who have actual fucking problems. Daddy not wanting to fund your school so you have to take out loans doesn't qualify as a problem.

Your point is well taken by me at the very least, but to be fair he does have real problems that most of us don't face.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
keV.
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
United States3214 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-10-13 20:18:09
October 13 2009 20:17 GMT
#12
Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?

My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane?
"brevity is the soul of wit" - William Shakesman
Railxp
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
Hong Kong1313 Posts
October 13 2009 20:17 GMT
#13
wow that is an absolutely horrible vicious situation, i hope you get out of it ASAP. Uni would be your best ticket out of there, the freedom is really quite liberating. Assuming you did really good in SATs/GPA, maybe you can get a full scholarship to get you out? Or else if your dad is being an asshole and won't support you, is there any sympathetic extended family members willing to chip in to help? I dont know shit about you but I'd ask around mom's side of family, assuming she has talked about his assholery to them there might be sympathetic ears there. Also getting loans is not the end of the world, that would be preferable to joining the military and wasting your life there. Surely they would pay for the application fee, it doesnt make any sense at all that they would push you for high grades but not willing to pay the application fees.

>_< hang in there brother, the grass on the other side of the fence is way greener, and although I'm not completely crossed over yet, my situation is lucky compared to yours. Know also that that which does not kill you makes you stronger, and whatever you do to pull yourself through this will make you that much more stronger than your peers who have it easy.
~\(。◕‿‿◕。)/~,,,,,,,,>
T.O.P. *
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Hong Kong4685 Posts
October 13 2009 20:21 GMT
#14
I read the whole thing and I think the only serious thing your family has wronged you is that they won't support you to go to UC. I think it's fucked up to force you kids to work hard only to send them to community college.

All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.

I don't get why you hate Asians when you're a Asian yourself.
Oracle comes in, Scvs go down, never a miscommunication.
LaLuSh
Profile Blog Joined April 2003
Sweden2358 Posts
October 13 2009 20:22 GMT
#15
Don't listen to the idiots calling you whiny. You have perfectly legitimate reasons to feel the way you do about your dad. And I'm 100% certain you're not someone who usually complains.

Wish I could offer you some advice. Only thing I can think of is moving out asap, and you seem to have come to that conclusion all by yourself. Just get away from that crap. Your dad will most probably never change, and he'll continue being a constant drag on your mood as long as you stay around.
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
October 13 2009 20:22 GMT
#16
On October 14 2009 05:17 keV. wrote:
Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?

My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane?

I love my parents.
m3rciless
Profile Joined August 2009
United States1476 Posts
October 13 2009 20:25 GMT
#17
This your plan. Take out the profanity, clean this up, make it shorter.

Call that your personal essay for college. IF you really did so well on your tests and took such hard classes, that combined with your awesome background story and immigrant status will get you in easily at tier 1.5 schools like brown etc.

Seriously, im not kidding. I'm applying to schools this year, and if my dad beat me, i'd be sure as fuck to write about it. Colleges want to see you having drive, overcoming adversity, all that crap.
White-Ra fighting!
citi.zen
Profile Joined April 2009
2509 Posts
October 13 2009 20:36 GMT
#18
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.

I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
Aut viam inveniam, aut faciam.
zoLo
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States5896 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-10-13 20:42:28
October 13 2009 20:37 GMT
#19
On October 14 2009 05:21 T.O.P. wrote:
I read the whole thing and I think the only serious thing your family has wronged you is that they won't support you to go to UC. I think it's fucked up to force you kids to work hard only to send them to community college.

All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.

I don't get why you hate Asians when you're a Asian yourself.


I know it's "standard". I dunno why you stated that I think like an American since there's no such thing along with asian thinking. I have mixed feelings about being Vietnamese. Sometimes I feel proud and sometimes I don't I'm sure everyone felt this way at least once in their life.


On October 14 2009 05:25 m3rciless wrote:
This your plan. Take out the profanity, clean this up, make it shorter.

Call that your personal essay for college. IF you really did so well on your tests and took such hard classes, that combined with your awesome background story and immigrant status will get you in easily at tier 1.5 schools like brown etc.

Seriously, im not kidding. I'm applying to schools this year, and if my dad beat me, i'd be sure as fuck to write about it. Colleges want to see you having drive, overcoming adversity, all that crap.


I dunno, it can be hit or miss depending on the place, but I doubt I'll be the only one talking about how bad of a life I had. (so far since I believe things can get better)

On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.

I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)


I never said it's hard to be a dad. He just needs to look around the house and see that he is the one bringing down EVERYONE in the house. He makes my mom cry and he makes my brother feel like shit because he's 25 and living at home, which is not his fault since he got laid off. Where did I stated that he had it easy? It's the other way around. He THINKS we have it easy when we don't. My brother and I offer to help sometimes, but now we don't because he would always throw a tantrum. Freedom or choice? He always goes out on the weekend and drinks with his buddies. He has a nice balance of work and fun. He was laid off from work for about half a year so far until recently he got a temporary job. So that is a nice long vacation from doing nothing.
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
October 13 2009 20:38 GMT
#20
On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.

I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)

He explicitly said that his mother earns almost half of the household income, and his father hid parts of his income from the family while using his mother's income freely to pay for stuff.
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