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On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
He said the mother makes $40k/year and the father makes $50k/year
Doesn't excuse him from being an asshole either.
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i think you're mistaken in saying "American Vietnamese." In that sense you're using American to describe what type of Vietnamese you are, rather than a Vietnamese American, which follows your sentiments of being primarily an American.
^^;
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On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-)
His dad probably doesn't have the easiest life, but that doesn't justify belting the kids or pulling a knife on his wife. The dad sounds psycho, honestly.
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Blogs like these make me think my parents are fucking saints. If I had your dad, I probably would have flipped out or gone crazy and murdered someone.
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On October 14 2009 05:50 Djabanete wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-) His dad probably doesn't have the easiest life, but that doesn't justify belting the kids or pulling a knife on his wife. The dad sounds psycho, honestly.
My dad didn't have an easy life because he was born in a poor family in Vietnam. At age 17/18, the Vietnam War broke out and he was drafted into the South Vietnamese airborne as a lieutenant. Even with all the things my dad has done to me, I still respect him for surviving through the war and moving to the states to start a new life. It's just that I have mixed feelings towards him. It's just tough love and a love-hate relationship, but the things he has done doesn't make sense. My mom, brother and I try to talk to him, but it never works since it's like all the things we say goes in his head and goes out right away.
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Your dad might have done a million courageous things, but that doesn't justify how he treats you and your family.
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I share you pain man. Most of the older generation dads are like that (including mine). Except my dad's words hurt like a whip to my mind. In my opinion, a good person showed by twice as nice if he's been through sht, because that way the pain's chain would end.
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My dad was a POW and was sent to live in what seems to be an outhouse with 4 other guys for 7 years. Seriously, you have a great life if thats your only family problem.
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Dude, if I were you I'd be soo worried about your mom.
Reading about your dad pisses me off.
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Being a Vietnamese myself, I understand the expectation that our parents have but fortunately for me my parents aren't as hard on those expectations.
Your father sure has overdone it. But I think you got it wrong about Vietnamese. There certainly are good and bad people in everywhere it's just somehow your experience was always mostly with the bad one.
But I'm not a Vietnamese American, I just come to the State for college so my experience might be not enough to understand your problems.
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Man dude i have the SAME situation as you except my dad isn't nearly as bad. Now just like you, i don't have the best relationship with him either but as i grew older and older things seemed to start getting better. Now for you are already in your second year in CC, just finish it and then go to a proper college.
My dad grew up in a poor town in inner mongolia, and basically where he grew up he had nothing, he had 1 pair of shirts/t-shirt, he worked his ass off every single day and got beat by his mom when he got home for not doing a good enough job. I can understand him from my perspective. Now it seems like you can understand your father just the same way.
I want you to know that it ISN"T GOING TO GET BETTER if you just sit and do nothing. I was abused as a child as well, by belting, slapping hard, and kicking and other sorta things. I even got spat on by my dad and i felt greatly disrespected. What made things better for me was that i stood up to him one day and told him that what he's been doing for my entire life with all the beatings i recieved hurt me A LOT emotionally, made depression as my normal state of consciousness, and i also told him that his abuse made me shake and anxious during tests which resulted in really bad scores. As a result of that i was able to change him.
I believe that most people can face their fears, and the BIGGEST obstacle to defeat is the fear of death. I know this might sound cheesy, but when you are no longer afraid of death, NOTHING will scare you. Just think of it, most of the time we aren't actually afraid to "die" we are afraid of the process to dying, like getting stabbed or feeling really really sick..etc. But in this modern technology we have anaestasia and all other pain killers that makes death not that painful as hundreds of years ago. Plus in a situation like when you're standing up to your dad, most likely you will have a LOT of endorphines running in your body, so it acts as a natural pain killer anyways if anything bad happens, (this is me expecting the worst based on your story. As in he pulled a knife on you and actually did use it which i HIGHLY doubt he has the balls to do so.) So you have to start slowly and show emotion to your father that what he's doing is complete bullshit and is not helping you in any way or form. If he starts saying shit like "you know how hard it is for me to get this far and how you've dissapointed me? what i'm doing is justified" just respond with like, it doesn't matter if YOU Think its justified, if you're my dad and you're trying to help me be a success you should be doing whats best for me, and listen to my ideas of whats best. If he starts raging, you have to start raging as well. You can't show fear man, if you show him that you got a spine and can and is willing to put up a fight, TRUST me he WILL back down.
Don't be the aggressor to first initiate anything physical, if he takes out his belt just grab it and take it away from his hands. Don't "fight" your dad just show him you're not scared and take w/e he tries to harm you away in a confident way.
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On October 14 2009 06:15 Kurosaki wrote:
My dad was a POW and was sent to live in what seems to be an outhouse with 4 other guys for 7 years. Seriously, you have a great life if thats your only family problem. this made absolutely no sense. okay the OP may not have the worst life in the world but how does he have a "great life"? its nothing to be absolutely emo over but he definitely does not have a "great life", especially when it comes to his relationship with his father. and it definitely doesn't have anything to do with your father.
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On October 14 2009 06:25 YPang wrote:
But in this modern technology we have anaestasia and all other pain killers that makes death not that painful as hundreds of years ago. man you really digressed didn't you... haha
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I wish I had a jackass dad, everything in my life as been so easy and it's made me a pussy
being spoiled is overrated
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On October 14 2009 06:29 redtooth wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 06:25 YPang wrote:
I believe that most people can face their fears, and the BIGGEST obstacle to defeat is the fear of death. I know this might sound cheesy, but when you are no longer afraid of death, NOTHING will scare you. Just think of it, most of the time we aren't actually afraid to "die" we are afraid of the process to dying, like getting stabbed or feeling really really sick..etc. But in this modern technology we have anaestasia and all other pain killers that makes death not that painful as hundreds of years ago. Plus in a situation like when you're standing up to your dad, most likely you will have a LOT of endorphines running in your body, so it acts as a natural pain killer anyways if anything bad happens, (this is me expecting the worst based on your story. As in he pulled a knife on you and actually did use it which i HIGHLY doubt he has the balls to do so.) So you have to start slowly and show emotion to your father that what he's doing is complete bullshit and is not helping you in any way or form. If he starts saying shit like "you know how hard it is for me to get this far and how you've dissapointed me? what i'm doing is justified" just respond with like, it doesn't matter if YOU Think its justified, if you're my dad and you're trying to help me be a success you should be doing whats best for me, and listen to my ideas of whats best. If he starts raging, you have to start raging as well. You can't show fear man, if you show him that you got a spine and can and is willing to put up a fight, TRUST me he WILL back down. man you really digressed didn't you... haha
Yes i did, but you know many times the obstacles we have to face in our lives is not direct. This is a way to get rid of the mental block to face your fears. i sorta feel like telling the guy to "talk to your dad about it and how bad he's treating you and how its not working..etc" is not gonna to get him to do it because he probably THOGUHT about it 100% and he hasn't done it before, so me reinterating it again won't help any further lol.
I mean honestly, if you are OKAY with dying what CAN you be afraid of? NOTHING. Obviously this is an over-exaggeration for his situation most likely, but it can be used for future references as well...
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You seem intelligent. I hope this horrible situation doesn't destroy you before you can get out 
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+ Show Spoiler +On October 14 2009 05:37 zoLo wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:21 T.O.P. wrote:
I read the whole thing and I think the only serious thing your family has wronged you is that they won't support you to go to UC. I think it's fucked up to force you kids to work hard only to send them to community college.
All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.
I don't get why you hate Asians when you're a Asian yourself. I know it's "standard". I dunno why you stated that I think like an American since there's no such thing along with asian thinking. I have mixed feelings about being Vietnamese. Sometimes I feel proud and sometimes I don't I'm sure everyone felt this way at least once in their life. Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:25 m3rciless wrote:
This your plan. Take out the profanity, clean this up, make it shorter.
Call that your personal essay for college. IF you really did so well on your tests and took such hard classes, that combined with your awesome background story and immigrant status will get you in easily at tier 1.5 schools like brown etc.
Seriously, im not kidding. I'm applying to schools this year, and if my dad beat me, i'd be sure as fuck to write about it. Colleges want to see you having drive, overcoming adversity, all that crap. I dunno, it can be hit or miss depending on the place, but I doubt I'll be the only one talking about how bad of a life I had. (so far since I believe things can get better) Show nested quote +On October 14 2009 05:36 citi.zen wrote:
Life as a father is not as easy as you may think. It may seem to you like he has it easy, but as the main (only?) bread winner in the family he has lots of pressure on him. Its easy for HIM to feel trapped, like he has no freedom or choice in his life, and even be resentful for that to the rest of the family.
I am not saying any of this excuses violent behavior, but I think its something you should keep in the back of your mind somewhere before talking stabbings :-) I never said it's hard to be a dad. He just needs to look around the house and see that he is the one bringing down EVERYONE in the house. He makes my mom cry and he makes my brother feel like shit because he's 25 and living at home, which is not his fault since he got laid off. Where did I stated that he had it easy? It's the other way around. He THINKS we have it easy when we don't. My brother and I offer to help sometimes, but now we don't because he would always throw a tantrum. Freedom or choice? He always goes out on the weekend and drinks with his buddies. He has a nice balance of work and fun. He was laid off from work for about half a year so far until recently he got a temporary job. So that is a nice long vacation from doing nothing.
Do it anyway. You'll get in somewhere, and the majority of those colleges are need blind admissions.
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Actually going to Community College, and then transferring to a good school is perfectly viable and good method of saving money.
But if you really hate your dad and stuff, just get a loan and go to a good school that you deserve. Therefore, you can get away from your parents and stuff too.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
On October 14 2009 05:21 T.O.P. wrote:All the rest about negativity and you being "worthless" is pretty standard asian stuff. You don't understand it cause you think like a American.
how can anyone understand it? it is unjustifiable across the board. have you seen what it's done to kids? i'm not talking about the extreme cases on the news, but the masses of otherwise nondescript asian kids who have to go through the system with no confidence, huge inferiority complexes, and unconscious self-loathing. it's sick.
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EPT
