my dad does some things like that too. except he wants me to go to a not-community-college. getting hit, yelled at, cursed at, w/e it's normal for asians. not a good thing, but... it works? maybe? (maybe not.)

writer22816

United States5775 Posts

October 16 2009 08:40 GMT

#62

lol I thought Race was back for a sec

MetalMarine

United States1559 Posts

October 16 2009 09:00 GMT

#63

my post was mean so i edited...

Chromyne

Canada561 Posts

October 16 2009 14:09 GMT

#64

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My (Asian) father was great! One of the most patient people I know: very well respected in the community (we couldn't visit anywhere in the world without someone recognizing him or contacting him!), would discipline us when needed, was a good husband to my mother and a loving dad to us kids... and of course he got real angry sometimes.

It sucks that you're in this kind of situation and I can't really relate, but I hope that in the end everything works out for you and your relationship with your father is healed.

Ristoff

1 Post

August 17 2015 22:28 GMT

#65

To the dude at the start who told him to just calm down.

I wish I could be as cool as you, just tell myself to calm down if I had an abusive occassionalky violent father making home life hell for me every day. Great job on understanding him and his need to rant.

I suppose you were already as mature at his age that it was easy for you to calm down in the face of daily emotional sh*t, and be totally unaffected, guess I missed that.

Anyway, sorry to hear of your situation. If you can find a space for yourself where you feel a little more freedom and control, and then every day or week expand that space a little. Whether it be a part-time job, volunteering, regula dance classes and/or meditating. Then his words will have less impact, and more importantly you will feel more in control of your life. Do your best to be the mature one at all times, as hard as it is, do it for yourself so you practice not ever going down to his level.

Sickel1

26 Posts

August 22 2015 17:22 GMT

#66

On October 14 2009 05:17 keV. wrote:
Anyone else have completely reasonable parents?

My dad is a little daddish, but he has only lost his mind very few times, and I think everyone is entitled to that once in a great while. Anyone ever try telling their crazy ass parents that they are being batshit insane?

I think that if you think your parents are crazy, telling them that will probably only result in bad things.

LaNague

Germany9118 Posts

August 23 2015 02:49 GMT

#67

I think "pressure" is a poor excuse for being a bad parent (hitting children is illegal btw in most 1st world countries), i see lots of people who had it much worse and were really nice parents and now have really nice children wioth a good relationship to them.
Having a child is a choice, you cant blame the child for being a "burden" after making that choice.

telling crazy parents they are crazy does nothing in my experience, they hold all the power and can be as crazy as they want to, only when you grew up and move on you can tell them and leave them behind in their misery.

But if anyone here reads this and is like 13 and has his parent hitting them, you can actually get help either by talking to a teacher in school for help or going to city workers or even police, especially in countries like germany. Hitting children is not accaptable anymore in our country.

ninazerg

United States7291 Posts

August 23 2015 02:54 GMT

#68

On August 18 2015 07:28 Ristoff wrote:
To the dude at the start who told him to just calm down.

I wish I could be as cool as you, just tell myself to calm down if I had an abusive occassionalky violent father making home life hell for me every day. Great job on understanding him and his need to rant.

I suppose you were already as mature at his age that it was easy for you to calm down in the face of daily emotional sh*t, and be totally unaffected, guess I missed that.

Anyway, sorry to hear of your situation. If you can find a space for yourself where you feel a little more freedom and control, and then every day or week expand that space a little. Whether it be a part-time job, volunteering, regula dance classes and/or meditating. Then his words will have less impact, and more importantly you will feel more in control of your life. Do your best to be the mature one at all times, as hard as it is, do it for yourself so you practice not ever going down to his level.

I'm sure he's calmed down even though it's only been six years. I got into an argument with my mom over marijuana legalization seven years ago, and I'm STILL really annoyed.

fluidrone

France1478 Posts

August 23 2015 11:57 GMT

#69

Hi zolo, I don't know you but I do.
Every kid has to feel his parents doing something wrong to them, it is a normal upbringing happenstance. While it is a norm and it can take a variety of faces/forms (some acceptable/normal some unacceptable/illegal), a "parent abused" kid always recognizes/knows another abused kid.

As it has been stated, BEATING UP YOUR KIDS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!

The rationalization of
"well it is for my own good"
"he didn't mean it and feels sorry after"
"it helps build up character"
"he only did it this once, and it was my fault"
etc
stems from an act of rationalization, nothing more.
You want (and always have the right to demand) to love your abuser but you have to change what he did (downplay it) so as to convince yourself that he is worth loving and that therefore you are normal, ergo what we "all" aspire to be, ergo how we manage to rationalize insane s#it done to us.

Living in hate, living in fear is not living. That you can't change things (until you "avoid" them further by leaving the "household responsible for your pain) is not to say you agree/don't care, it is just the circumstances (he is your legal guardian blablabla).

I would encourage you to be strong etc but I am not about the present (typing in this post right now), but about the future.

You will be completely taken by surprise when it is your turn to raise a kid, it will hurt even more if you have "only" buried these things that make you who you are right now, rather than "faced" all that comes from such an upbringing and all you lost from not having a "happier/more loving" upbringing.

Most people will deny it but raising kids is hard (not to mention how societies are, just "households) and making peace with your own "being a kid" foundation is vital to avoid failing as your own parents might have (in the case of your father: he's "f cked up" and he will destroy anything and say "sorry" later, case closed).
That is all it is: making peace with your own deamons.

The future is yours, don't let your past ruin your future.

ps: Good luck! + Show Spoiler [To read in a few years] +

when you have done this dissociation/introspection work (introspection making you accept that it is not you, but him who is to blame) (dissociation: you can now look at it more objectively and judge what effect it has done to you),
possibly kick the s#it out of him when applicable, with words, nothing hurts more than true words from a son to a father!