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Retarded Brain

Blogs > EsX_Raptor
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
EsX_Raptor
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States2801 Posts
September 07 2009 00:51 GMT
#1
So I go downstairs to go get me something to drink. I decide to make some sort of shake with a couple bananas and some spare milk left in my fridge. I chop the bananas, put them in the blender, pour some milk in, and add a bit of sugar. I then proceed to start the blender and guess what happens; I forgot shit was broken. In the end, I had to eat the bananas and drink the milk straight off the huge cup, not to mention I made a huge mess including myself.

What a waste of time.

The other day I woke up all grumpy because of some unknown reason. I went straight to the kitchen and thought about making myself a corn flakes cereal. I take out the corn flakes box, pour some in a cup, pour milk in, and add a bit of sugar. I go upstairs to watch TV and get all comfortable on the bed. Then I take a spoon-full of corn flakes and eat it, guess what, I fucking put salt in it instead of sugar, god that was nasty. I stood up feeling like crap and dumped the whole thing in the toilet.

What a waste of corn flakes.

This is what happens when I let my muscle memory take over my actions, and these are only a couple things of this sort that have happened to me this year already.

Like forgetting to flush the toilet after taking a huge shit, then a girlfriend comes to visit and because of some mighty and unknown reason that is bound to happen 100% of the times, decides that she has to go to the restroom. wtf.

When I forget to clean my browsing history and let some friend at the university use my pc for whatever. I just remember him opening google and clicking on the search bar when a list of shit like this pops down:

"fucking naked hot chicks"
"blowjob in the face"
"how to spray more semen assholes"
"barney the dinosaur"
"do i put salt when cooking pasta?"
"how to hack facebook"
"tips for masturbation"
"how to take a screenshot"
"i'm a fucking retarded d/d-"

What a waste of a good friendship.

Or when one of my professors assigned me to do summer research while guiding a newcomer from a foreign country to get him used to the new system and work. He found the guy browsing the web for some pictures of girls in bikinis.

Hell, I'm out of here. And don't forget to post your shit too.

****
Megalisk
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States6095 Posts
September 07 2009 00:54 GMT
#2
Yeah but you have a giant dick that touches the water in the toilet..thats something to be proud of.
Tear stained american saints and dirty guitar dreams across a universe of desert and blue sky , gas station coffee love letters and two dollar pistol kisses from thirty five dollar hotel room stationary .
theobsessed1
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
United States576 Posts
September 07 2009 01:00 GMT
#3
On September 07 2009 09:54 Megalisk wrote:
Yeah but you have a giant dick that touches the water in the toilet..thats something to be proud of.


AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
정명훈 화이팅!~
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24690 Posts
September 07 2009 01:06 GMT
#4
You aren't paying attention. You are not the only one. It's important to not go through life in a fog or be a ditz. Make it a personal goal to play closer attention in life if you want less of this 'retarded' shit to happen.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
BuGzlToOnl
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
United States5918 Posts
September 07 2009 01:13 GMT
#5
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
Archaic
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States4024 Posts
September 07 2009 01:15 GMT
#6
On September 07 2009 09:54 Megalisk wrote:
Yeah but you have a giant dick that touches the water in the toilet..thats something to be proud of.

Hahahahahaha, such a great thread.
Chuiu
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
3470 Posts
September 07 2009 01:15 GMT
#7
Why the fuck are you putting sugar in everything? You sound like you need to just learn to eat shit without sugar.
♞
ZeeTemplar
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States557 Posts
September 07 2009 01:17 GMT
#8
On September 07 2009 10:15 Archaic wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 07 2009 09:54 Megalisk wrote:
Yeah but you have a giant dick that touches the water in the toilet..thats something to be proud of.

Hahahahahaha, such a great thread.


lol
Jangbi storms!!!
Kurosaki
Profile Joined August 2008
United States158 Posts
September 07 2009 01:19 GMT
#9
On September 07 2009 09:51 EsX_Raptor wrote:
When I forget to clean my browsing history and let some friend at the university use my pc for whatever. I just remember him opening google and clicking on the search bar when a list of shit like this pops down

Never can I forget to do that. They always use THAT browser.
CommanderFluffy
Profile Joined June 2008
Taiwan1059 Posts
September 07 2009 01:25 GMT
#10
Huge fly buzzing around my head in my apartment. I swatted at it a few times, hoping it'd go away. But that little fucker kept on trying to land on me. I proceeded to hunt it down, not with a magazine, not with a notebook, with a box of fucking cheez-its.

I swing, i fucking miss, jalapeno flavored goodness goes flying everywhere.

I just kinda stood there and stared at the mess i made for a few minutes.
Everyone does stupid shit, i wouldnt worry about it.
Pain is temporary, but glory is forever.
NrG.ZaM
Profile Joined March 2008
United States267 Posts
September 07 2009 01:32 GMT
#11
Just get Frosted Flakes man, then you can't possibly have that slip-up.
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
September 07 2009 01:41 GMT
#12
Adopt the saying 'better safe than sorry' and start checking things before you take action.
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
Koiru
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States116 Posts
September 07 2009 01:44 GMT
#13
I always catch myself trying to put my ENTIRE CARTON 3/4 FULL OF ORANGE JUICE into the garbage can after I pour myself a glass, or putting my cereal in the refridgerator after I finish pouring some into a bowl. Just stuff like that.
Pants optional.
FragKrag
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States11552 Posts
September 07 2009 01:46 GMT
#14
corn flakes taste better without sugar. man up
*TL CJ Entusman #40* "like scissors does anything to paper except MAKE IT MORE NUMEROUS" -paper
ghermination
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
United States2851 Posts
September 07 2009 01:49 GMT
#15
That's what you get for putting cereal into a cup.
Today i was lifting at the gym and put 60kg on one side of the bar and 40kg on the other...

Although the *CRASH* was enjoyable.
U Gotta Skate.
armed_
Profile Joined November 2008
Canada443 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-09-07 01:57:03
September 07 2009 01:56 GMT
#16
People who add sugar to their cereal are a scourge on humanity. >;(
On September 07 2009 10:44 Koiru wrote:
I always catch myself trying to put my ENTIRE CARTON 3/4 FULL OF ORANGE JUICE into the garbage can after I pour myself a glass, or putting my cereal in the refridgerator after I finish pouring some into a bowl. Just stuff like that.

God, I do this all the time. Like when I eat something in a disposable container I always try to put the container in the sink and the cutlery in the garbage.
EsX_Raptor
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States2801 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-09-07 02:35:45
September 07 2009 02:26 GMT
#17
On September 07 2009 10:44 Koiru wrote:
I always catch myself trying to put my ENTIRE CARTON 3/4 FULL OF ORANGE JUICE into the garbage can after I pour myself a glass, or putting my cereal in the refridgerator after I finish pouring some into a bowl. Just stuff like that.

rofl similar shit here too, i sometimes pour myself some juice and later on find myself drinking the mayonise jar wtf?

On September 07 2009 09:54 Megalisk wrote:
Yeah but you have a giant dick that touches the water in the toilet..thats something to be proud of.


OFF TOPIC:

here you go, i just made a short story about this out of my boredom...

[image loading]
Torenhire
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States11681 Posts
September 07 2009 02:31 GMT
#18
You know, I just have to question...

"Blowjobs in the face"

...I wasn't aware there was another place for them.....




....TO GOOGLE!
SirJolt: Well maybe if you weren't so big and stupid, it wouldn't have hit you.
nttea
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Sweden4353 Posts
September 07 2009 03:18 GMT
#19
So i was sitting and playing starcraft when i dropped a glass on the floor, it shattered into a lot of pieces. But i just thought hey, ill deal with it later. Of course i forget i dropped the glass so when i have to go to the bathroom i JUMP out of my chair, right with my feet on the shattered glass. So it hurts like fucking hell and it's all pitch-black in the apartment cause it's 3 am and i just had my monitor on, but i need to go to the bathroom BADLY so i just have to pull myself there, bleeding from my foot all through the apartment, luckily there was paper in there so i could stop the bleeding and pull out the shards but man did that experience suck. Always clean up shattered glass from below your computer chair immediately > lesson of the day.
ahswtini
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Northern Ireland22208 Posts
September 07 2009 09:49 GMT
#20
When eating a banana, I sometimes peel it and throw away the flesh and eat the peel =|
"As I've said, balance isn't about strategies or counters, it's about probability and statistics." - paralleluniverse
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