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hmmmm, I want some advice... even though I\'m drunk (takes me alot of time to check for spelling errors....... extremly drunk otherwise I dont think I would post this thread.)
I would like to call upon the community to help me.
I posted in a another recent thread that my gf have cheated on me while studying abroad (new zeeland) and I would acually like your opinion on what to do.
Right now I acually consioring forgiving her and give it another shot when she comes home, we have been together for 6 years, and I still love her like crazy (even though she has done this horrible thing)
and just giving up on the woman I had imagine as the mother of mu childs is a real hard thing to do.
So my Q is simply... do you think this is something that can ever be forgiven?........ or will it just eat me up from inside.
I\'m 25 yrs old and consider myselfe a very forgiving and gentle person, and I\'m really not equipped to deal with things like this...... I\'m a mess.
Any answer will help.... even if it\'s just \"dump the bitch\"
My closest friends try to help, but I need some impartial advice.
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It would be helpful to tell how long she was studying abroad.
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ok, 2 months away from me, and then she cheated on me.
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Personally I view cheating as one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. Its fairly unforgiveable.
However, if she cheated because you two were having personal problems and you almost "drove" her to do it then its understandable. But, if she did it because she was simply far away from you, then I would break up with her. It wong be easy, but if you do it then get your friends to help you and leave her out of your life. Do not let her in it. If you, it will be much much harder.
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How did you find out she cheated on you?
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I think giving advice to this without context is impossible.
Does she still want to be with you?
Has she said why she cheated?
I think it's cool you're able to forgive her, but unless you both understand what went wrong you're wasting your time, and she will likely do it again.
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well, i think you have to think about the type of person who would cheat on a significant other, whom they've been with for 6yrs. She couldnt wait 6mths to see you, and let herself get involved or even think of another man(or woman?) in a rommantic sense, with less than 6mths of part, after being with each other for 6yrs. It says alot about her character as a person, since she did this. So you have to think about, if you really want someone whos capable enough to do that.. now, with your life, intrusting your family to her, investing your entire self/dreams in her.
Then again, people do make mistakes, maybe it was a random drunk at a party, really missed you, and wanted to make love to a man thinking of you kind of thing, which is improbable. Im not gonna tell you to dump her, cause she's obviously very important to you, and u'd never think of cheating on her, ever, even if you had 6 YEARS apart, i feel that you'd still hold out for her. She couldnt even wait 6mths, so maybe its not even, the love in the relationship isnt evenly yoked. Just b/c you love her, and she loves you doesnt mean it will be a perfect or even a great relationship. It takes similar morales/beliefs/way of thinking/understanding/compassion/ and most importantly, trust. She obviously cant be trusted well, whatever you do, dont make it rash, but dont twist the logic with emotions either. People can make themselves believe anything they want to, with emotions involved. Give it some clear headed thinking/meditation, and try to at least re-evaluate your relationship from an unbiased(if possible) position. GL
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man thats going to be a tough one to forgive. but i think this is forgiveable even though cheating is the worst thing you can do in a relationship. dump her or not, i suggest you forgive this and dont let it eat yourself up for the rest of your life.
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I think it'd be very hard to be with one person for the rest of your life. I mean SERIOUSLY, could you imagine spending the rest of your mobile life with that one person? Fantasies, romances, pledges aside, the answer for many is NO. However much you love someone.
Sex and love, are they one in the same? You can have sex with someone and not love them one bit. But can you love someone without the sex? That's the question you need to contemplate...
Best of luck mate.
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MURICA15980 Posts
If you do decide to let her go, remember even though it might seem like a "bad" thing now for you, it is actually a good thing for everything if it is the right choice. I mean if it won't end up working out, holding on to it will be worse than let it go faster. It's better 6 years gone than 10 or 15.
But unless you provide more specifics, it is really hard to give more detailed advice. I just hope the best for you man. She seems real important to you.
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Two months is not long enough to forgive desecration of a 6 year relationship. I was thinking, maybe she carried a torch for a year or two, which may be forgiveable depending on the complexities of your relationship.
But I totally agree with maleorderbride. Unless you drove her away (be honest with yourself), you need to let her go. You're lucky you didn't father children with her, because even though getting over her will be the hardest thing you've ever gone through, it is a finite suffering. The trust she has broken will not be mended, if you had a truly committed relationship.
Tips for getting over her:
1) Every picture of her, put in a shoebox and give it to a friend to hold onto. Anything that reminds you of her, presents, teddy bears,.. put in the box.
2) Get closure. Put her on the spot and ask why she did it. Don't leave loose ends, because you run the risk of rationalizing a phone call at a later time.
3) Avoid contact. Do not call her. Do not IM/e-mail her. NOTHING! VERY IMPORTANT! This will erase any progress you make in getting over her.
4) Pick up guitar/writing/video games. Keep yourself busy. You just need to tough it out; you're in survival mode.
I strongly urge you to dump her; trust can't be fixed, I wasted two years of my prime learning this. If you follow these steps, you will get over her, I promise. I went through a devastating breakup as well, I definitely feel for you man.
EDIT: I jump to the conclusion that you should dump her because of my initial impression of you. That is, you seem kind, trustworthy, and loyal, stunned at the misplace of your trust. It seems very clear that your feelings for her (love, loyalty, trust) are not reciprocated. That is reason enough to leave someone.
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When she returns from out of the country, have her bags packed for her already. Cheating is cheating and somebody who is prone to cheat once will potentially do it again. Do you really want to further the relationship under the premise of being nervous or worried everytime she goes out with a group of friends without you?
You might still love her, but it's just blind necessity and should be overlooked and shadowed by the fact that she betrayed the most important thing in a relationship, trust. You can do better.
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If youre drunk, why are you asking for advice on an internet forum? Shouldnt you be in some sort of naked frenzy?
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we are extremely charming in new zealand 
only advice I can give... sober up before you make any decisions. :D
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Don't chase 'em. Replace 'em.
Let me be even more blunt. If ur information is correct, the bitch don't love u no more. You say you are the forgiving type. Are you? Oh really? Next time you kiss her, ask yourself if you really do like the taste of the other guy's cock. God forbid u take a chance on having sex with her again (she was tested for diseases, wasn't she?), think about who is in her mind: you, or the other guy? Either the relationship is dead or your soul is dead; take your pick, but you can choose only one.
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go get you some pussy, son
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wow... quick feedback.... I really didnt expext this kind of quick response, a big hug @ you all.
Really cool to see you trying to help me.....
And in response to some of the posts:
To LumberJack - thx man, a realy though through comment. I realy have to think this trough alot.
But I have to let you know, the time apart was from the beggining meant to be one year, not 6 months. And it wasn't "a random drunken thing", it was at first, but then she did two more times.... with the same guy... thats what really kills me.
And you are right about that I would never be able to cheat on her, or anybody..... it's just my personality.... I couldn't do that to a person, even less so when I have first hand experiance about how it feels.
To SnZ - also a good point.....I can imagine my life with her, even though she did this. Cuz imo, love is so much more important than just sex.... it has always been (I lost my virginity @ the age of 13(really early, I know) with my gf atm, and we stuck toghether for 6 years..... (man... that number seems to haunt me) and my love for her was unquestionable, but then her entire family moved to the US, and she didn't want to separate from them wich I understand very well, so we ended our relationship, on very good terms I might add.
To Klogon - Exactly my thoughs right now acually. I really don't know what to do, as you said
" It's better 6 years gone than 10 or 15." but thats IF it's the right choice.
And as for more specifics:
Our relationship has always been "picture perfect" sure, we have had our arguments, but nothing serious, and she is also deeply regretful obout te whole thing, and really dont know what happend (wich could provide some peace, if it wouldn't be the fact that she did it two more times with the same guy) things are so messed up....... but I trust that she is telling the truth.
To maleorderbride - idd.. cheating is pretty much the worst thing you can do a person that is not punishable by law, and about "However, if she cheated because you two were having personal problems and you almost "drove" her to do it then its understandable." I think I answered that in my previous text.
To HeadBangaa - probebly the bets advice ever "4) Pick up guitar/writing/video games. Keep yourself busy. You just need to tough it out; you're in survival mode."
thats what I', doing right now.... and 1-3 is prolly what I will have to do...... man...
Seriously... it's realy awsome to get this kind of response....
EDIT: it's been two weeks since she told me... so this insn't really a drunk ass post, wich will make me do any rash desitions.
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MURICA15980 Posts
Glad we can help you organize and focus your thoughts.
And frankly, if she cheated on you, told you, and then proceeded to do it 2 more times, I dont' know if I could take that no matter what my level of involvement was. I mean... geez... That's like slapping you, apologizing, and then kicking you straight in the nuts. -_-
I know this will be hard to take, but I think you need to be thankful that you find out you may not be compatible now. Imagine if you found out 10 years from now after you've had kids. It's a wierd way of looking at it, but be thankful. That would be the optimistic way to look at it, and it might help with some of the mental anguish you'll be experiencing for sure.
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On April 30 2005 23:02 TheOdMan wrote:
hmmmm, I want some advice... even though I\'m drunk (takes me alot of time to check for spelling errors....... extremly drunk otherwise I dont think I would post this thread.)
I would like to call upon the community to help me.
I posted in a another recent thread that my gf have cheated on me while studying abroad (new zeeland) and I would acually like your opinion on what to do.
Right now I acually consioring forgiving her and give it another shot when she comes home, we have been together for 6 years, and I still love her like crazy (even though she has done this horrible thing)
and just giving up on the woman I had imagine as the mother of mu childs is a real hard thing to do.
So my Q is simply... do you think this is something that can ever be forgiven?........ or will it just eat me up from inside.
I\'m 25 yrs old and consider myselfe a very forgiving and gentle person, and I\'m really not equipped to deal with things like this...... I\'m a mess.
Any answer will help.... even if it\'s just \"dump the bitch\"
My closest friends try to help, but I need some impartial advice.
Well, I am drunk too (siste april, valborg ^^) but I think this question can only be answered by yourself. I mean, if you consider her the mother of your children, then this one time cheating should not count too much. Despite that, I prolly would not forgive anyways, because I hate cheating. So, in conclusion, if you still want her, give it a shot otherwise get a girl, who is honest. 
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EPT
