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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Well, I can't speak for Japan. For the rest of the world, children play games, sure. If theres that girl in college who you like, yeah, she's probably going to play games. But then, you play games too at that age so I dunno. When people mature a bit, it stops. Like honestly it does. People have more things to worry about than silly little "I said, he said, so I said, so he said" dramas. If you think it happens, it's probably more just that you misread a situation, or you're trying to date kids.
As for your last point, that's the thing really. "Other than the unclean skin" There's always an "Other than..." and honestly, guys don't take care of their skin either. As for the long term / short term thing, for people who really care about how they look, makeup isn't a short term thing, nor are clothes. It takes a ton of practice from when you're little to put on makeup and not look like a clown. To find shades that work well with your skin. Constantly trying new things to see how it looks, etc. Same with clothes really. It takes a long time to find stuff that doesn't look awful on you. Applying that stuff in the morning is a short term thing, but getting to the stage where you can really isn't. That's why makeup artists exist.
Edit: and to the guy above me, I'm trans, and have dated on both sides of the gender fence which maybe gives a bit more insight. Or maybe I'm just making assumptions and really don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Who knows.
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On April 26 2013 01:11 Misaka wrote:
It takes a ton of practice from when you're little to put on makeup and not look like a clown. To find shades that work well with your skin. Constantly trying new things to see how it looks, etc. Same with clothes really. It takes a long time to find stuff that doesn't look awful on you. Applying that stuff in the morning is a short term thing, but getting to the stage where you can really isn't. That's why makeup artists exist.
That just blew my mind, I've never thought about it in such a fashion (pun intended).
Is it in Dorian Gray? Something about only shallow people don't care about appearance?
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On April 26 2013 01:11 Misaka wrote:
Well, I can't speak for Japan. For the rest of the world, children play games, sure. If theres that girl in college who you like, yeah, she's probably going to play games. But then, you play games too at that age so I dunno. When people mature a bit, it stops. Like honestly it does. People have more things to worry about than silly little "I said, he said, so I said, so he said" dramas. If you think it happens, it's probably more just that you misread a situation, or you're trying to date kids.
As for your last point, that's the thing really. "Other than the unclean skin" There's always an "Other than..." and honestly, guys don't take care of their skin either. As for the long term / short term thing, for people who really care about how they look, makeup isn't a short term thing, nor are clothes. It takes a ton of practice from when you're little to put on makeup and not look like a clown. To find shades that work well with your skin. Constantly trying new things to see how it looks, etc. Same with clothes really. It takes a long time to find stuff that doesn't look awful on you. Applying that stuff in the morning is a short term thing, but getting to the stage where you can really isn't. That's why makeup artists exist.
Edit: and to the guy above me, I'm trans, and have dated on both sides of the gender fence which maybe gives a bit more insight. Or maybe I'm just making assumptions and really don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Who knows.
I agree that people, girls especially, play games around college age (18-22ish). I also agree that people tend to grow out of this (but not always, just like there are 28 year olds that act like they are in high school).
The problem is you are seriously overestimated the average age of most of the posters in this thread (from what I can discern). Most of the people in here seem to be in the late high school/mid college range. That is game central, as you yourself confirm.
So telling these people "no one plays games" when they damn well do at that age (I know, played the games in college to, I remember one my gfs at the time specifically telling me "I wanted you more when you walked away from me" good god lol) is very misleading.
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On April 26 2013 01:25 HardlyNever wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2013 01:11 Misaka wrote:
Well, I can't speak for Japan. For the rest of the world, children play games, sure. If theres that girl in college who you like, yeah, she's probably going to play games. But then, you play games too at that age so I dunno. When people mature a bit, it stops. Like honestly it does. People have more things to worry about than silly little "I said, he said, so I said, so he said" dramas. If you think it happens, it's probably more just that you misread a situation, or you're trying to date kids.
As for your last point, that's the thing really. "Other than the unclean skin" There's always an "Other than..." and honestly, guys don't take care of their skin either. As for the long term / short term thing, for people who really care about how they look, makeup isn't a short term thing, nor are clothes. It takes a ton of practice from when you're little to put on makeup and not look like a clown. To find shades that work well with your skin. Constantly trying new things to see how it looks, etc. Same with clothes really. It takes a long time to find stuff that doesn't look awful on you. Applying that stuff in the morning is a short term thing, but getting to the stage where you can really isn't. That's why makeup artists exist.
Edit: and to the guy above me, I'm trans, and have dated on both sides of the gender fence which maybe gives a bit more insight. Or maybe I'm just making assumptions and really don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Who knows.
I agree that people, girls especially, play games around college age (18-22ish). I also agree that people tend to grow out of this (but not always, just like there are 28 year olds that act like they are in high school). The problem is you are seriously overestimated the average age of most of the posters in this thread (from what I can discern). Most of the people in here seem to be in the late high school/mid college range. That is game central, as you yourself confirm. So telling these people "no one plays games" when they damn well do at that age (I know, played the games in college to, I remember one my gfs at the time specifically telling me "I wanted you more when you walked away from me" good god lol) is very misleading.
True enough, I didn't really consider that!
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On April 26 2013 01:28 Misaka wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2013 01:25 HardlyNever wrote:On April 26 2013 01:11 Misaka wrote:
Well, I can't speak for Japan. For the rest of the world, children play games, sure. If theres that girl in college who you like, yeah, she's probably going to play games. But then, you play games too at that age so I dunno. When people mature a bit, it stops. Like honestly it does. People have more things to worry about than silly little "I said, he said, so I said, so he said" dramas. If you think it happens, it's probably more just that you misread a situation, or you're trying to date kids.
As for your last point, that's the thing really. "Other than the unclean skin" There's always an "Other than..." and honestly, guys don't take care of their skin either. As for the long term / short term thing, for people who really care about how they look, makeup isn't a short term thing, nor are clothes. It takes a ton of practice from when you're little to put on makeup and not look like a clown. To find shades that work well with your skin. Constantly trying new things to see how it looks, etc. Same with clothes really. It takes a long time to find stuff that doesn't look awful on you. Applying that stuff in the morning is a short term thing, but getting to the stage where you can really isn't. That's why makeup artists exist.
Edit: and to the guy above me, I'm trans, and have dated on both sides of the gender fence which maybe gives a bit more insight. Or maybe I'm just making assumptions and really don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Who knows.
I agree that people, girls especially, play games around college age (18-22ish). I also agree that people tend to grow out of this (but not always, just like there are 28 year olds that act like they are in high school). The problem is you are seriously overestimated the average age of most of the posters in this thread (from what I can discern). Most of the people in here seem to be in the late high school/mid college range. That is game central, as you yourself confirm. So telling these people "no one plays games" when they damn well do at that age (I know, played the games in college to, I remember one my gfs at the time specifically telling me "I wanted you more when you walked away from me" good god lol) is very misleading. True enough, I didn't really consider that!
This is a good point. There was a time when I was on the younger side of the average age for TLers but now I am over the line I find it harder and harder to relate to the average sentiment in many of the threads here. Then again I never found it easy 
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On April 26 2013 02:06 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2013 01:28 Misaka wrote:On April 26 2013 01:25 HardlyNever wrote:On April 26 2013 01:11 Misaka wrote:
Well, I can't speak for Japan. For the rest of the world, children play games, sure. If theres that girl in college who you like, yeah, she's probably going to play games. But then, you play games too at that age so I dunno. When people mature a bit, it stops. Like honestly it does. People have more things to worry about than silly little "I said, he said, so I said, so he said" dramas. If you think it happens, it's probably more just that you misread a situation, or you're trying to date kids.
As for your last point, that's the thing really. "Other than the unclean skin" There's always an "Other than..." and honestly, guys don't take care of their skin either. As for the long term / short term thing, for people who really care about how they look, makeup isn't a short term thing, nor are clothes. It takes a ton of practice from when you're little to put on makeup and not look like a clown. To find shades that work well with your skin. Constantly trying new things to see how it looks, etc. Same with clothes really. It takes a long time to find stuff that doesn't look awful on you. Applying that stuff in the morning is a short term thing, but getting to the stage where you can really isn't. That's why makeup artists exist.
Edit: and to the guy above me, I'm trans, and have dated on both sides of the gender fence which maybe gives a bit more insight. Or maybe I'm just making assumptions and really don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Who knows.
I agree that people, girls especially, play games around college age (18-22ish). I also agree that people tend to grow out of this (but not always, just like there are 28 year olds that act like they are in high school). The problem is you are seriously overestimated the average age of most of the posters in this thread (from what I can discern). Most of the people in here seem to be in the late high school/mid college range. That is game central, as you yourself confirm. So telling these people "no one plays games" when they damn well do at that age (I know, played the games in college to, I remember one my gfs at the time specifically telling me "I wanted you more when you walked away from me" good god lol) is very misleading. True enough, I didn't really consider that! This is a good point. There was a time when I was on the younger side of the average age for TLers but now I am over the line I find it harder and harder to relate to the average sentiment in many of the threads here. Then again I never found it easy
Meh. What's being referred to as "playing games" here is stuff that I used to believe that doesn't exist when I was 16. Most of the things people mention when it comes to examples are just natural consequences of how we think, act and communicate as human beings.
We like not being totally honest, even if we insist we do. It keeps the stupid and not-so-comfortable-with-themselves-people away. =P
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On April 26 2013 02:06 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2013 01:28 Misaka wrote:On April 26 2013 01:25 HardlyNever wrote:On April 26 2013 01:11 Misaka wrote:
Well, I can't speak for Japan. For the rest of the world, children play games, sure. If theres that girl in college who you like, yeah, she's probably going to play games. But then, you play games too at that age so I dunno. When people mature a bit, it stops. Like honestly it does. People have more things to worry about than silly little "I said, he said, so I said, so he said" dramas. If you think it happens, it's probably more just that you misread a situation, or you're trying to date kids.
As for your last point, that's the thing really. "Other than the unclean skin" There's always an "Other than..." and honestly, guys don't take care of their skin either. As for the long term / short term thing, for people who really care about how they look, makeup isn't a short term thing, nor are clothes. It takes a ton of practice from when you're little to put on makeup and not look like a clown. To find shades that work well with your skin. Constantly trying new things to see how it looks, etc. Same with clothes really. It takes a long time to find stuff that doesn't look awful on you. Applying that stuff in the morning is a short term thing, but getting to the stage where you can really isn't. That's why makeup artists exist.
Edit: and to the guy above me, I'm trans, and have dated on both sides of the gender fence which maybe gives a bit more insight. Or maybe I'm just making assumptions and really don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Who knows.
I agree that people, girls especially, play games around college age (18-22ish). I also agree that people tend to grow out of this (but not always, just like there are 28 year olds that act like they are in high school). The problem is you are seriously overestimated the average age of most of the posters in this thread (from what I can discern). Most of the people in here seem to be in the late high school/mid college range. That is game central, as you yourself confirm. So telling these people "no one plays games" when they damn well do at that age (I know, played the games in college to, I remember one my gfs at the time specifically telling me "I wanted you more when you walked away from me" good god lol) is very misleading. True enough, I didn't really consider that! This is a good point. There was a time when I was on the younger side of the average age for TLers but now I am over the line I find it harder and harder to relate to the average sentiment in many of the threads here. Then again I never found it easy
People play games as long as they can afford to. That means that young, attractive women will play games in their teens... until they start approaching the wall in their late 20's. They stop playing games when it doesn't work for them, but at long as men are chasing them anyway then there's nothing to discourage such behavior.
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On April 25 2013 14:30 XiaoJoyce- wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 19:00 XiaoJoyce- wrote:
Ask everyone something,
If a girl ignore a guy, because a guy do something stupid. (He is idiot and doesn't know it)
And then puzzle, why does the girl ignore him.
And then few days later, sms her , call her. Internet text her, all ignored.
Now the guy seems to do nothing right now...
I wan 2 ask,
Is it the girl that went too far? Should she relax, calm down and text him?
Or she should wait for a while?
And I hope for men input too,
What would you do, if I put you into this situation?
or maybe, how r u feeling if u experience this? How u will react? So , everyone point is, the girl should talk to the guy? The guy will most probably do nothing? then just give up?
I'm saying that if the girl likes the guy she better show it to him rather than giving him shit for something he didn't know he did wrong.
Im gonna assume you're the girl here so my advice is you better start making an effort if you don't wanna lose this guy. If it isn't too late already.
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On April 26 2013 09:46 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On April 25 2013 14:30 XiaoJoyce- wrote:On April 24 2013 19:00 XiaoJoyce- wrote:
Ask everyone something,
If a girl ignore a guy, because a guy do something stupid. (He is idiot and doesn't know it)
And then puzzle, why does the girl ignore him.
And then few days later, sms her , call her. Internet text her, all ignored.
Now the guy seems to do nothing right now...
I wan 2 ask,
Is it the girl that went too far? Should she relax, calm down and text him?
Or she should wait for a while?
And I hope for men input too,
What would you do, if I put you into this situation?
or maybe, how r u feeling if u experience this? How u will react? So , everyone point is, the girl should talk to the guy? The guy will most probably do nothing? then just give up? I'm saying that if the girl likes the guy she better show it to him rather than giving him shit for something he didn't know he did wrong. Im gonna assume you're the girl here so my advice is you better start making an effort if you don't wanna lose this guy. If it isn't too late already.
The point is, in such a situation, the girl doesn't like the guy, at least not that much.
Girls will go to great lengths to show that they like a guy, even if he's a mass murderer. It's just that only a tiny minority of guys are considered attractive enough to be treated well.
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I asked a girl out once and she said no. I guess I'm doomed to be alone forever.
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On April 26 2013 11:44 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2013 09:46 B.I.G. wrote:On April 25 2013 14:30 XiaoJoyce- wrote:On April 24 2013 19:00 XiaoJoyce- wrote:
Ask everyone something,
If a girl ignore a guy, because a guy do something stupid. (He is idiot and doesn't know it)
And then puzzle, why does the girl ignore him.
And then few days later, sms her , call her. Internet text her, all ignored.
Now the guy seems to do nothing right now...
I wan 2 ask,
Is it the girl that went too far? Should she relax, calm down and text him?
Or she should wait for a while?
And I hope for men input too,
What would you do, if I put you into this situation?
or maybe, how r u feeling if u experience this? How u will react? So , everyone point is, the girl should talk to the guy? The guy will most probably do nothing? then just give up? I'm saying that if the girl likes the guy she better show it to him rather than giving him shit for something he didn't know he did wrong. Im gonna assume you're the girl here so my advice is you better start making an effort if you don't wanna lose this guy. If it isn't too late already. The point is, in such a situation, the girl doesn't like the guy, at least not that much. Girls will go to great lengths to show that they like a guy, even if he's a mass murderer. It's just that only a tiny minority of guys are considered attractive enough to be treated well.
Bro she is asking us in the blog if she went too far, ofcourse she likes him... I don't understand how people can think that these kind of ignoring games aren't played..
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Northern Ireland26058 Posts
On April 26 2013 11:47 SnipedSoul wrote:
I asked a girl out once and she said no. I guess I'm doomed to be alone forever.
Haha, made my day
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On April 26 2013 12:51 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2013 11:44 sunprince wrote:On April 26 2013 09:46 B.I.G. wrote:On April 25 2013 14:30 XiaoJoyce- wrote:On April 24 2013 19:00 XiaoJoyce- wrote:
Ask everyone something,
If a girl ignore a guy, because a guy do something stupid. (He is idiot and doesn't know it)
And then puzzle, why does the girl ignore him.
And then few days later, sms her , call her. Internet text her, all ignored.
Now the guy seems to do nothing right now...
I wan 2 ask,
Is it the girl that went too far? Should she relax, calm down and text him?
Or she should wait for a while?
And I hope for men input too,
What would you do, if I put you into this situation?
or maybe, how r u feeling if u experience this? How u will react? So , everyone point is, the girl should talk to the guy? The guy will most probably do nothing? then just give up? I'm saying that if the girl likes the guy she better show it to him rather than giving him shit for something he didn't know he did wrong. Im gonna assume you're the girl here so my advice is you better start making an effort if you don't wanna lose this guy. If it isn't too late already. The point is, in such a situation, the girl doesn't like the guy, at least not that much. Girls will go to great lengths to show that they like a guy, even if he's a mass murderer. It's just that only a tiny minority of guys are considered attractive enough to be treated well. Bro she is asking us in the blog if she went too far, ofcourse she likes him... I don't understand how people can think that these kind of ignoring games aren't played..
Yea, I want to make up, fix things..
But for some reason, it is very hard for me.
Oh dear..
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On April 26 2013 12:51 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2013 11:44 sunprince wrote:On April 26 2013 09:46 B.I.G. wrote:On April 25 2013 14:30 XiaoJoyce- wrote:On April 24 2013 19:00 XiaoJoyce- wrote:
Ask everyone something,
If a girl ignore a guy, because a guy do something stupid. (He is idiot and doesn't know it)
And then puzzle, why does the girl ignore him.
And then few days later, sms her , call her. Internet text her, all ignored.
Now the guy seems to do nothing right now...
I wan 2 ask,
Is it the girl that went too far? Should she relax, calm down and text him?
Or she should wait for a while?
And I hope for men input too,
What would you do, if I put you into this situation?
or maybe, how r u feeling if u experience this? How u will react? So , everyone point is, the girl should talk to the guy? The guy will most probably do nothing? then just give up? I'm saying that if the girl likes the guy she better show it to him rather than giving him shit for something he didn't know he did wrong. Im gonna assume you're the girl here so my advice is you better start making an effort if you don't wanna lose this guy. If it isn't too late already. The point is, in such a situation, the girl doesn't like the guy, at least not that much. Girls will go to great lengths to show that they like a guy, even if he's a mass murderer. It's just that only a tiny minority of guys are considered attractive enough to be treated well. Bro she is asking us in the blog if she went too far, ofcourse she likes him...
Point is, she doesn't like him that much... or at least she didn't. It's quite likely that she likes him more now that he started ignoring her.
On April 26 2013 12:51 B.I.G. wrote:
I don't understand how people can think that these kind of ignoring games aren't played..
My posting history in this thread should readily suggest that I am not one of those people who think games aren't played.
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What do you guys think about online-dating?
As last refuge for the forever desperate or actually a valid option for shy dudes like myself?
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On April 26 2013 16:05 kafkaesque wrote:
What do you guys think about online-dating?
As last refuge for the forever desperate or actually a valid option for shy dudes like myself?
I used to love it. Mostly because it seemed incredibly easy to be more eloquent and better presented than the majority of the competition. What I also liked a lot was how time independant it is, as in it is no big problem to set aside an hour every now and then and arrange dates for the next week or so.
The big drawback for me was always how time intensive it is for the individual girl, 5-6 messages taking up 10-20 minutes each to write quickly adds up, then there's an hour or more on the phone I'd like to invest and it just... welll. Adds up. I'm sure you can streamline that process but that means that you will have to play a bigger numbers game again. On the bright side the weak competition meant for me that I got very few flakes assuming she replied to my first message (<10%) but it's also easily 5 times the investment compared to just talking to a cute girl on the streets or at a club.
Personally I'd suggest it if you don't care about the time investment because you enjoy that kind of interaction and/or perceive yourself to be good at it. It won't help you however if you have issues with escalating on a physical level when you meet the woman.
Where I believe online dating is highly superior to alternatives however is when you're into not-so-common interests, whether sexually or otherwise. Finding someone you can go to art galleries or have dirty BDSM sessions with can get tricky when you're specifically looking for it during bright daylight on the streets. I've also heard similar stories about the gay community. =P
PS: If you're going for online dating I highly recommend at least half an hour or so on the phone after a couple of messages. That drastically reduced flakes for me and feels like a much smoother transition. When it comes to meeting each other I'd also always make sure to opt for crowded areas to meet each other and my suggestions as for what we could do for the first 1-2 locations also focus on - for her - secure crowded areas. Meeting someone creepy that might harm her and/or that she can't get rid off easily if things go badly will be on her mind at some point in most cases, acknowledging that is a big big plus.
Edit: When it comes to shyness... it depends. I had a time where I fought me being too shy when meeting her by simply having phone-sex with the girl before meeting her. While certainly effective you can imagine that something like that might result in some incredibly awkward situations. Especially if you weren't 100% (!!) sure she's your type judging from her pictures. It was however a big boost to my confidence which in the end helped me to become less shy in "real" situations. If by "shy" you mean "doesn't do well in text/on the phone", it would suck. If "shy" means "can't manage to get physical with her even though I think she's into me" it would also suck. If "shy" means "I have huge trouble talking to random people" then I'd say it's a viable short-term option even though that might be something you want to work on in the long run.
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Online dating is great! I used OKCupid to meet my current girlfriend, mostly because it's hard to find gay girls around where I live who are still single. It does take a lot of time, and it's tougher for guys than for girls. But give it a go all the same, you might be surprised!
xx
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On April 26 2013 23:13 Misaka wrote:
Online dating is great! I used OKCupid to meet my current girlfriend, mostly because it's hard to find gay girls around where I live who are still single. It does take a lot of time, and it's tougher for guys than for girls. But give it a go all the same, you might be surprised!
xx
I would give it a go, but okcupid doesn't seem to have a lot of people on in Germany and the other (German) sites don't really seem legit.
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EPT
