The Korean Man - Page 3

On April 07 2009 18:21 Licmyobelisk wrote:


Can you elaborate what a "Black Dog" is? Sorry Haven't heard of that recipe but I sure love dogs too much that I can't eat it. (even if most Filipino men eat dog when drinking liquor) =(

Drawn Together = everyone there is stereotypical

Matter of Taste
By Matthew Sutherland

I have now been in this country for over six years, and considermyself in
most respects well assimilated. However, there is one keystep on the road
to full assimilation, which I have yet to take,and that's to eat BALUT.
The day any of you sees me eating balut, please call immigration and ask
them to issue me a Filipino passport. Because at thatpointthere will be no
turning back. BALUT, for those still blissfully ignorant non-Pinoys out
there,is a fertilized duck egg. It is commonly sold with salt in a piece of
newspaper, much likeEnglish fish and chips, by street vendors usually after
dark,presumably so you can't see how gross it is.
It's meant to be an aphrodisiac, although I can't imagine anything more
likely to dispel sexual desire than crunching on a partially formed baby
duck swimming in noxious fluid. The embryo in the egg comes in varying
stages of development, but basically it is not considered macho to eat one
without fully discernable feathers, beak, and claws. Some say these
crunchy bits are the best. Others prefer just to drink the so-called
'soup', the vile, pungent liquid that surrounds the aforementioned feathery
fetus...excuse me; Ihave to go and throw up now. I'll be back in a
minute.
Food dominates the life of the Filipino. People here just love to eat.
They eat at least eight times a day. These eight official meals are called,
in order: breakfast, snacks, lunch, merienda, meriendaceyna, dinner,
bedtime snacks and no one saw me take that cookie from-the-fridge-
so-it-doesn' t-count.
The short gaps in between these mealtimes are spent eating Sky Flakes from
the open packet that sits on every desktop. You're never far from food in
the Philippines. If you doubt this, next time you're driving home from
work, try this game. See how long you can drive without seeing food and I
don't mean a distant restaurant, or a picture of food. I mean a man on the
sidewalk frying fish balls,or a man walking through the traffic selling
nuts or candy. I bet it's less than one minute.
Here are some other things I've noticed about food in the Philippines:
Firstly, a meal is not a meal without rice - even breakfast. In the UK, I
could go a whole year without eating rice.. Second, it's impossible to
drink without eating. A bottle of San Miguel justisn't the same without
gambas or beef tapa. Third, no one ventures more than two paces from their
house without baon (food in smallcontainer) and a container of something
cold to drink. You mightas well ask a Filipino to leave home without his
pants on. Andlastly, where I come from, you eat with a knife and fork.
Here, you eatwith a spoon and fork. You try eating rice swimming in fish
sauce witha knife.
One really nice thing about Filipino food culture is that people always ask
you to SHARE their food. In my office, if you catch anyone attacking their
baon, they will always go, "Sir! KAIN TAYO!"("Let's eat!").
This confused me, until I realized that they didn't actually expect me to
sit down and start munching on their boneless bangus. In fact, the polite
response issomething like, "No thanks, I just ate." But the principle
issound - if you have food on your plate, you are expected to share
it,however hungry you are, with those who may be even hungrier. I
thinkthat's great!
In fact, this is frequently even taken one step further. Many Filipinos use
"Have you eaten yet?" ("KUMAIN KA NA?") as a general greeting, irrespective
of time of day or location.
Some foreigners think Filipino food is fairly dull compared toother Asian
cuisines. Actually lots of it is very good: Spicy dishes like Bicol
Express (strange, a dish named after a train); anything cooked with coconut
milk; anything KINILAW; and anything ADOBO.. And it's hard to beat the
sheer wanton, cholesterolic frenzy of a good old-fashionedLECHON de leche
(roast pig) feast. Dig a pit, light a fire, add 50pounds of animal fat on
a stick, and cook until crisp. Mmm, mmm.... you can actually feel your
arteries constricting with eachsuccessive mouthful.
I also share one key Pinoy trait --- a sweet tooth.. I am thus the only
foreigner I know who does not complain about sweet bread, sweet burgers,
sweet spaghetti, sweet banana ketchup, and so on. I am aman who likes to
put jam on his pizza. Try it!
It's the weird food you want to avoid. In addition to duck fetus inthe
half-shell, items to avoid in the Philippines include pig's blood soup
(DINUGUAN); bull's testicle soup, the strangely-named "SOUP NUMBER FIVE" (I
dread to think what numbers one through four are); and the ubiquitous,
stinky shrimp paste, BAGOONG, and it's equally stinky sister, PATIS.
Filipinos are so addicted to these latter items that they will even risk
arrest or deportation trying to smuggle them into countries like Australia
and the USA, which wisely ban the importation of itemsyou can smell from
more than 100 paces.
Then there's the small matter of the purple ice cream. I havenever been
able to get my brain around eating purple food; theubiquitous UBE leaves me
cold.
And lastly on the subject of weird food, beware: that KALDERETANG KAMBING
(goat) could well be KALDERETANG ASO (dog)...
The Filipino, of course, has a well -developed sense of food.
Here's a typical Pinoy food joke: "I'm on a seafood diet.
"What's a seafood diet?" "When I see food, I eat it!"
Filipinos also eat strange bits of animals --- the feet, the head, the
guts, etc., usually barbecued on a stick. These have been given witty
names, like "ADIDAS" (chicken's feet); "KURBATA" (either just chicken's
neck, or"neck and thigh" as in "neck-tie"); "WALKMAN" (pigs ears); "PAL"
(chicken wings); "HELMET" (chicken head); "IUD" (chickenintestines), and
BETAMAX" (video-cassette- like blocks of animal blood). Yum,yum.. Bon
appetit.
WHEN I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the
first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has provided
a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since. The first
unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has a
nickname. In the staid and boring UnitedKingdom, we havenicknames in
kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood wetend, I am glad to say, to
lose them.
The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for bothgirls and
boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard asoverbearingly cutesy for
anyone over about five. Fifty-five-year- olds colleague put it.
Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or HoneyBoy would be
beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, andnever make it to
adulthood. So, probably, would girls with nameslike Babes, Lovely,
Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech. Here, however, no one bats an
eyelid.
Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call "door-bell
names". These are nicknames that sound like -well, doorbells. There are
millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common.
They can be, andfrequently are, used in even more door-bell-like
combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even our
newly appointed chief of police has a doorbell name Ping. None of these
doorbell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing
to my untutored foreign ear.
Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called
Bing, replied, "because my brother is called Bong". Faultless logic.
Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as wherecome from
"dong" is a slang word for well; perhaps "talong" is the best Tagalog
equivalent!! !
Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered
people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning. The
secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one: Leck-Leck. Such
names are then frequently further refined by using the "squared" symbol, as
in Len2 or Mai2.. This had me veryconfused for a while.
Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming their
children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the same
letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy.
More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of assonance or
rhyme, as in Biboy, Boboy, Buboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse the
more kids there are-best to be born early or you could end up being a
Baboy).
Even better, parents can create whole families of, say, desserts (Apple
Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil,Tulip). The main
advantage of such combinations is that they look great painted across your
trunk if you're a cab driver.
That's another thing I'd never seen before coming to Manila --taxis with
the driver's kids' names on the trunk.
Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the phenomenon
of the "composite" name. This includesnames like Jejomar (for Jesus, Joseph
and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda (for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao,
believe it or not). That's a bit like me being called something like
"Engscowani" (for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland). Between
you and me, I'm glad I'm not.
And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly
inserted letter 'h'. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I have
not yet figured out, but Ithink it is designed to give a touch of class to
an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations like Jhun,
Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy. Orhow about Jhun-Jhun (Jhun2)?
How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names
like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination
andexoticism rule the world of names.
Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is theunbelievably named
town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Olongapo and Angeles). Where else in
theworld could that really be true?
Where else in the world could the head of the Church really becalled
Cardinal Sin?
Where else but the Philippines!
Note: Philippines has a senator named Joker, and it is his legal name.

On April 07 2009 17:21 Hot_Bid wrote:
i am pretty sure this is a humor article, people please stop taking it seriously -_-

On April 07 2009 17:04 Klogon wrote:
So a friend of mine wanted me to post this here. He can't make a topic b/c of no ID yet, so I decided to just post it for him. Haha.

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Hello. My name is Park Ji Hoon. I am a Korean man. I am fully Korean but I have mastered english after studying you American men in America for several years in a research project. Here are my results.

We Korean Men are superior to you filty disgusting American men. Our manhood shines brighter than you in almost every single facet. This brings me to my first point. Notice I said "almost" every single facet. We Korean Men actually have the humility and self respect to admit our flaws. We do not strut around acting like we are kings of the world like you American men. So, while we do excell above you in almost every single aspect, we also admit our flaws.

Number one: you have a height advantage on us. Nothing to say to that. Number two: your penises are generally bigger. But not as big as you'd think. The difference in average is quite big but the only reason why the average American male is ranged so much bigger than the average Korean male is merely because African American males are included in your averages. And yes I do know that African Americans are Americans but I'm only talking about you White American males here. The African Americans I have no qualms with because not only do they keep to themselves in their own country, but they make damn good rap music. A great stress releiver is thugging it out to rap music in the daily traffic jams in my KIA on the streets of Kang-nam. And frankly about the penis size thing, even if you guys are bigger; we are smaller, harder, and can fuck eight times in a row like rabbits. You invest all this time and money into a beautiful woman, fall in love, only to end up dumped by them because you can't satisfy them. Not us Korean men though. We fuck them so many times that it's impossible they are not satisfied. And even if they aren't atleast they'll be too sore to even think about wanting to go out and find another man. So wait does number two even count as a flaw?

We Korean men are better than you. We are much more hard working and diligent. We show up to work early and leave late always spiffy top to bottom in a suit and tie. We work great in teams. We can establish physical contact with another male for whatever non-homosexual reason without feeling all insecure about ourselves and questioning our manhood. We can even sleep in the same bed with another man sharing the same blanket. We are more confident than you. We can go to saunas together and walk around in a communal bath house together naked with our fellow man with no problems at all. Why can't you American men? Perhaps because your pee-pee actually isn't as big as you'd like people to think it is? We share foods. We can eat food from eachothers' plates and spoon soup out of the same bowl double dipping with our spoons with no fear of contracting diseases like you American men have. We can digest the spiciest foods no problem without getting diahrrea due to our diet of kimchi and healthy spicy soups. Our healthy balanced diets make our body odor non-existent unlike you big hairy smelly American men. Our sweat glands are not over-developed and our pale-yellow skin keeps our body temperature at a cool level without having to drip out seven gallons of salty gross smelly sweat. All of our Korean men are educated well in all subjects and are superior at math. We actually take time to learn other languages. You American men are all idiots and I'd like to see you speak any Korean let alone name all 50 of your own states. We all have 2 years training in the Army. You are all fat lazy slobs. We respect our elders and support those younger than us with our heart-felt Hyung-Dongseng relationships. You talk down to the elderly as if they don't exist and mock those younger than you. Our structured society keeps us out of fights and there are no guns and violence. You American men are so insecure that you get in bar fights all the time just because some guy was staring at your girlfriend. Hey idiots, if guys are staring at your girlfriend it means shes hot. Be proud of yourself and bask in the moment. Do not get in a fight against three guys for no reason just to get two black eyes and your ass beat. No wonder why your women always leave you, hahaha.

Speaking of women our women are the most beautiful in the world. Our women stay in tip top shape and have slender sexy bodies meanwhile your women are all fat disgusting cows that for some reason believe it's okay to let their fat stomachs sag out of their too tight t-shirts. You may try to mock our women's teeth or lack of breasts but theres nothing a good orthodontist or a good plastic surgeon can't fix, and we got plenty of them as modern Korean plastic surgery is the best in the world. Our beautiful women stay to themselves and do not waste their time associating with fat ugly girls that are merely there to boost their own self esteem and cock block. Our women are beautiful, smart, confident, and they know it enough to not need some overgrown frog tell them "Wow you look gorgeous today." You are all so pathetic that you've actually let your country sink to a level where your bovine women have equal or dominating power in relationships. We know how to train our women. Our women will cook amazing dinners and clean rigorously day in and day out without demands. There are no stay at home dads in Korea, we are not pussies. We are the man in the relationship, we make the money, and we get the services that we deserve. Your women force you to cook meals for them because it's "your turn," or do the dishes because it's "only fair." Our women yell at us to "STOP THAT" when we attempt to help with the clean up process. Your women make you wait ages before the first lay, then they make you the bitch of the relationship, then they cheat on you, then they leave you, and while they do that they take half your money! You even let a woman run for president. Are you out of your minds?

We are better than you. You all think you are better than us. But you're dead wrong. Just like you're dead wrong when you think Korean men can't drink. Let me inform you the Korean men that can't drink are Korean men that went to America at an early age forced by some mentally afflicted parents and grew up there. The lack of kimchi and influx of self-destructive American principles makes them weak in every way, including alcohol. They are traitors and they are weak. They are not Korean men. A real Korean man is a true warrior when drinking. Never back down and never leave a man behind. If one of us drinks all of us drink. Meanwhile you guys run around at a party after three shots saying "Damn dude, I'm SO buzzed!" No. You're not buzzed. You're American. Just as I hawk loogies all the time in public and spit them on the street, I spit on you, American man.

On April 07 2009 20:01 Loanshark wrote:
This is true. Really, this reflects some social problems that America has.