Yo, well, does everyone here have a group of friends where at least one of the guys... is considered to be the "weak" / "flamboyant" etc kinda guy?
Well not that there is anything wrong with that but I have different groups of friends and in my closest group, I'm considered to be that "gay" guy. Well here's the thing, I'm not gay and I actually have nothing against being gay or anyone choosing that path as a lifestyle... it's like w/e? I'm from Toronto so I'm really open minded about these kinda issues.
The thing is, in the past, I have acted flamboyant, I mean like the way I act, the way I joke around, etc... so I can see why my friends think this way. At first it was a joke with them accusing me of being gay and stuff but honestly, it's getting more and more serious. Like yea, we all still laugh at the subject but they keep pressuring me, trying to dissect the "truth" out of me.
At first, I would argue about it and they would accuse me of trying to "defend" myself too much and that maybe I was scared... and then when I calm about it and just didn't answer and tried to talk reasonably they said it was out of my character and that I was taking the issue so smoothly as if I was really gay. It's like... no matter what I do, they have that presumption. It's kinda like an Atheist and a hardcore Christian talking about the existence of God. (No body can win or convince the other of their point of view)
The thing is, they are true friends though because whenever I was in need, they were there for me and vice-versa. I care about them and I know they care about me. We've known each other for years but it seems like this will never go away. They're so into it that if I got a girlfriend, they would assume it was a cover-up... wtf?
But here's the thing, I don't see myself with any girl for a while just because I'm focused on my studies and have other goals that I want to reach before anything else. I'm also an actor/artist. My training involves all of that "gay" stuff that is stereotypical in the media and such. I enjoy who I am actually.. and I am not gay.
So for you... for anyone who has this kinda friend, do you guys really think they are gay? Are you just teasing? Do you really want to investigate all of this... Why do you want to believe so much that, that "gay" friend is actually gay?
&
For any of the guys who are considered TO BE THAT "gay" friend, do you just take this with a grain of salt or what? Do you feel you have something more to prove as a man? It's just... I don't know, it's just an internal thing for me to think;
"Wtf? I'm not gay... but I don't even know what to say anymore, it's like a lose-lose situation. You're my friends but obviously I can't convince you that I'm not one thing or another"
But here's the thing, I don't see myself with any girl for a while just because I'm focused on my studies and have other goals that I want to reach before anything else. I'm also an actor/artist. My training involves all of that "gay" stuff that is stereotypical in the media and such. I enjoy who I am actually.. and I am not gay.
quit fighting yourself. just open up, its 2008. your friends will get over it, im sure. and then you can be the happy person you were meant to.
Eh, I'm in kind of the same situation, but now it's like "Oh your a pussy yeah your a girl, either that or your gay" You just laugh it off and ignore it. They'll stop eventually
I know what you mean and yes, we all think our friend matt is secretly gay... no joke.. When you grab a guys ass and laugh about it on a weekly basis, something is wrong stop fooling yourself, maybe you are gay and just havent accepted/ackowledge it...
But here's the thing, I don't see myself with any girl for a while just because I'm focused on my studies and have other goals that I want to reach before anything else. I'm also an actor/artist. My training involves all of that "gay" stuff that is stereotypical in the media and such. I enjoy who I am actually.. and I am not gay.
quit fighting yourself. just open up, its 2008. your friends will get over it, im sure. and then you can be the happy person you were meant to.
Lol..
It's just, you can't NOT enjoy the training because as an actor, from what I've learned, you have to be open and stuff. If I didn't learn how to enjoy my training, then perhaps acting shouldn't be my career choice. So it's something I've learned to adapt to and to enjoy.
It is kinda weird... like, it's understandable I think how people could accuse me. But I'm trying to lol... oh man, w/e. I can't help it if I didn't choose to become a MMA fighter and find a slut girl friend.
Oh and if you really like are getting this upset about them thinking you're gay, it's getting to your head. Focus on your studies they can go fuck themselves, for now.
Best way to deal with it is to divert their attention with something like: "Why are you constantly asking me if I am gay? Are you getting your hopes up? lol. Sorry, I don't roll that way pal." Better to take the offensive in the situation, if you keep playing defensive you will be fine at first but then you wont get to expand and they will just run you over.
On December 23 2008 16:46 Velr wrote: You sound gay, in a very frightening way. Your like the alpha-gay.
Is this supposed to be helpful in anyway?
Why should you care what they think anyway? Just chill and not get defensive because I think their getting a kick out of stirring you up, just say no and be cool.
The more reaction you show, the more they will want to tease you... It's that simple.
If you don't want that, why don't you just tell them? That you feel really uncomfortable, and it's become a nuisance lately and that they will eventualy find out the truth
On December 23 2008 16:52 GearitUP wrote: I know what you mean and yes, we all think our friend matt is secretly gay... no joke.. When you grab a guys ass and laugh about it on a weekly basis, something is wrong stop fooling yourself, maybe you are gay and just havent accepted/ackowledge it...
Dude, for me... after being accused, like
I did honestly try to think about it. But I just don't see myself in that position. All the crushes in my past have all been girls. I even wrote a thread a while back called "my mini book". It was a journal of my story with this girl...
There still is a girl that I really like but unfortunately it's not happening the other way around and for now, I've just kinda.. given up. I told her though that I wanted to become an actor. She said it wasn't going to be easy and for me... it's a personal thing to get actual training. To attempt to reach for something high and really make something of myself. To try to say, that I am making my dream a reality to her and to everyone around me. I can't control it if training to become an actor involves a lot of movement, dancing, stretching, sounds, etc. It is formal training.
But anyway, yea, I did do myself and my friends a favour by trying to question myself but I just can't accept being gay because it isn't true to me. That's not who I am.
eh, don't worry about it. A lot of my friends seem to think for whatever reason I'm gay too, in fact a couple of them have even taken me aside and tried to have a serious discussion that if I ever wanted to come out of the closet they'd understand and wouldn't judge etc.
...you kind of get used to it and learn to treat it as a non-issue.
There are all sorts of people here in the TL community that you can definitely open up to. Hopefully someone here can pm you and you guys can you know, do your thing
On December 23 2008 16:46 Velr wrote: You sound gay, in a very frightening way. Your like the alpha-gay.
Is this supposed to be helpful in anyway?
Why should you care what they think anyway? Just chill and not get defensive because I think their getting a kick out of stirring you up, just say no and be cool.
Yeah, let's be totally helpful like you:
Oh, your friends have no idea and don't respect your way of live... Probably your friends just pick on you... Probably your friends are not homophob but just think you’re a faggot... Be true to yourself and stand for your Ideas and feeling!s... Wew...
Thanks to your post we all know you that good that we can with 100% accuracy say that your not gay but your friends are idiots and you should go on with whatever you like..
Love and flowers for everyone... Bullshit.
He get's picked, he obviously is fritghtened by it and comes to cry on TL.net to check if he's normal... I mean... ewww...
Ok here's what to do: step one, leave hot chick porn on your computer in obvious places (especially lesbian porn) and just to be sure make your homepage http://totallyteen.com step two, get a chick pregnant (nothing says 'i'm not gay' more than knocking up some fine asian honey) step three, I assume you are asian so don't eat with chopsticks anymore. Use your bare hands, real men use their bare hands for everything. step four, whenever any of your friends start callin you gay back hand him and uppercut his nuts. Immediately say "I'm gay, I just wanted to caress your face and touch your ballsack." step five, whenever you go anywhere, go to the garage and put grease or whatever on your arm or something. This shows that you are a rebel. step 6, do not eat any phallic foods. If you must eat them, make sure you rip it into tiny pieces that in no way shape or form resemble a penis (remember you don't use silverware anymore, use your hands.). step 7, beat the shit out of your father in front of everyone and then steal his wife away from him and disappear into the sunset, never to be seen again.
10 years later come back with at least 8 sons who are all trained in martial arts and/or motorcycle repair. If any of them turn out to be gay, just say your wife cheated on you with her ex-husband.
dude, if you're not gay who cares then, just tell them, yeah im gay w/e. Eventually they'll get tired of seeing it doesnt work. Whatever, you'll get chicks whenever you want (assuming you're not gay lol)
On December 23 2008 16:53 Hyperbola wrote: Best way to deal with it is to divert their attention with something like: "Why are you constantly asking me if I am gay? Are you getting your hopes up? lol. Sorry, I don't roll that way pal." Better to take the offensive in the situation, if you keep playing defensive you will be fine at first but then you wont get to expand and they will just run you over.
Starcraft analogies, woo!
I think they're just curious to know... if you just show them your pr0n collection and/or begin to do more manly things(eat steak, drink beer, watch football, etc.) then I'm sure they'll back off, because if you act like them and they call you gay, what would they call themselves?
On December 23 2008 17:18 CharlieMurphy wrote: Ok here's what to do: step one, leave hot chick porn on your computer in obvious places (especially lesbian porn) and just to be sure make your homepage http://totallyteen.com step two, get a chick pregnant (nothing says 'i'm not gay' more than knocking up some fine asian honey) step three, I assume you are asian so don't eat with chopsticks anymore. Use your bare hands, real men use their bare hands for everything. step four, whenever any of your friends start callin you gay back hand him and uppercut his nuts. Immediately say "I'm gay, I just wanted to caress your face and touch your ballsack." step five, whenever you go anywhere, go to the garage and put grease or whatever on your arm or something. This shows that you are a rebel. step 6, do not eat any phallic foods. If you must eat them, make sure you rip it into tiny pieces that in no way shape or form resemble a penis (remember you don't use silverware anymore, use your hands.). step 7, beat the shit out of your father in front of everyone and then steal his wife away from him and disappear into the sunset, never to be seen again.
You should, instead of trying to convince your friends that you're not gay, try to convince them that their opinion is based on stereotypes, including your lack of a girlfriend, that you simply may or may not be gay, and that in the case that you are gay you simply don't know it yet so any coaxing of theirs won't have any effect. They should aknowledge that it's at most a matter of self discovery which takes time, and that they may very well be making a big deal out of nothing and failing to respect your true heterosexual effeminate self.
On December 23 2008 17:33 zobz wrote: You should, instead of trying to convince your friends that you're not gay, try to convince them that their opinion is based on stereotypes, including your lack of a girlfriend, that you simply may or may not be gay, and that in the case that you are gay you simply don't know it yet so any coaxing of theirs won't have any effect. They should aknowledge that it's at most a matter of self discovery which takes time, and that they may very well be making a big deal out of nothing and failing to respect your true heterosexual effeminate self.
but more likely than not they'll just call you gay and continue to laugh.
Well it looks like your explicit questions weren't answered much, so...
I've known flamboyant and not-so-"gay" guys that came out of the closet, others that were actually straight, and still more that remain in question. Out of my closer circle of friends there was a guy Steven who we thought might be gay, but we didn't really press him over it. It didn't cross my mind usually. Not a big deal. On his end he dated a girl or two, and then he eventually came out of the closet. It might be worth mentioning he told some girl(s) we were friends with first rather than the guys.
As for why your friends are making a running joke out of the matter, what's really the problem here? Does it really bother you? I'd just go with the flow and pretend to hit on them whenever somebody makes a comment about how gay you are. (edit: actually now that I think about it, once or twice one of my friends was wondering if I was gay, so I did really start caressing some other guy in response. Or a flamboyant shake of the hair, w/e. It's good for a couple laughs.) Whatever fits your mood works.
In the meantime since you're an actor you should read/watch Angels in America if you haven't already. Quality stuff.
On December 23 2008 17:44 Myrmidon wrote: Well it looks like your explicit questions weren't answered much, so...
I've known flamboyant and not-so-"gay" guys that came out of the closet, others that were actually straight, and still more that remain in question. Out of my closer circle of friends there was a guy Steven who we thought might be gay, but we didn't really press him over it. It didn't cross my mind usually. Not a big deal. On his end he dated a girl or two, and then he eventually came out of the closet. It might be worth mentioning he told some girl(s) we were friends with first rather than the guys.
As for why your friends are making a running joke out of the matter, what's really the problem here? Does it really bother you? I'd just go with the flow and pretend to hit on them whenever somebody makes a comment about how gay you are. (edit: actually now that I think about it, once or twice one of my friends was wondering if I was gay, so I did really start caressing some other guy in response. Or a flamboyant shake of the hair, w/e. It's good for a couple laughs.) Whatever fits your mood works.
In the meantime since you're an actor you should read/watch Angels in America if you haven't already. Quality stuff.
Yea, it was a scene that was done in one of my classes. I didn't do the scene but another actor buddy of mine did it real well. Thanks
I was a high school drama kid and did alot of acting and traveling to shows/competitions and such and there is a much more open, be fucking metro who the fuck cares vibe. I've had a friend or two or thought I was gay at one point or another. It didn't phase me at all, I eventually fucked someone they knew.
Caring and/or being sensitive to it is the part that confuses me. Since I was just being wacky/wild or whatever I never gave a shit and didn't realize until after that fact that certain friends thought that.
Funniest diss a friend ever said to me.
"Dude, fucking stop, everytime your here I can feel you trying to telepathically suck my cock"
He said that to me while we were smoking a blunt on the way to a party, about an hour into the party I was making fun of him for being puertorician and he made a short joke and then I said that same thing back to him and everybody roffled.
On December 23 2008 16:43 jjun212 wrote: Yo, well, does everyone here have a group of friends where at least one of the guys... is considered to be the "weak" / "flamboyant" etc kinda guy?
Well not that there is anything wrong with that but I have different groups of friends and in my closest group, I'm considered to be that "gay" guy. Well here's the thing, I'm not gay and I actually have nothing against being gay or anyone choosing that path as a lifestyle... it's like w/e? I'm from Toronto so I'm really open minded about these kinda issues.
The thing is, in the past, I have acted flamboyant, I mean like the way I act, the way I joke around, etc... so I can see why my friends think this way. At first it was a joke with them accusing me of being gay and stuff but honestly, it's getting more and more serious. Like yea, we all still laugh at the subject but they keep pressuring me, trying to dissect the "truth" out of me.
At first, I would argue about it and they would accuse me of trying to "defend" myself too much and that maybe I was scared... and then when I calm about it and just didn't answer and tried to talk reasonably they said it was out of my character and that I was taking the issue so smoothly as if I was really gay. It's like... no matter what I do, they have that presumption. It's kinda like an Atheist and a hardcore Christian talking about the existence of God. (No body can win or convince the other of their point of view)
The thing is, they are true friends though because whenever I was in need, they were there for me and vice-versa. I care about them and I know they care about me. We've known each other for years but it seems like this will never go away. They're so into it that if I got a girlfriend, they would assume it was a cover-up... wtf?
But here's the thing, I don't see myself with any girl for a while just because I'm focused on my studies and have other goals that I want to reach before anything else. I'm also an actor/artist. My training involves all of that "gay" stuff that is stereotypical in the media and such. I enjoy who I am actually.. and I am not gay.
So for you... for anyone who has this kinda friend, do you guys really think they are gay? Are you just teasing? Do you really want to investigate all of this... Why do you want to believe so much that, that "gay" friend is actually gay?
&
For any of the guys who are considered TO BE THAT "gay" friend, do you just take this with a grain of salt or what? Do you feel you have something more to prove as a man? It's just... I don't know, it's just an internal thing for me to think;
"Wtf? I'm not gay... but I don't even know what to say anymore, it's like a lose-lose situation. You're my friends but obviously I can't convince you that I'm not one thing or another"
ok, i think this will probably take off in one of two ways
i am one of these people that others regard as "gay" - im actually straight, but i like to mess around (spanking, tittie twisters, etc), i dressed up as a chick for halloween, etc... more than a few people asked if i was gay. I really don't give a shit what people think I am, so if they ask me if im gay i just say "sure" and let them think whatever they want... if they want to judge you for it, then fuck them, you shouldn't be friends with whoever it is anyways. or even better, if someone asks if youre gay, say "nah im bi/tri"... if they judge you screw them.
but it doesn't sound so much like people just asking you if you're gay, your buds are giving you a hard time about it. we had a case like this on our cross country team this year - one kid was the scapegoat, and we dubbed him the "chick with the dick", and we always picked on him sort of like the way your friends are picking on you (not sure if this is how it is with you, but they were laughing at him instead of with him). Basically, our team straightened out basically at the very end of season after the kid just got fed up with it and exploded on us. it made us all realize what a bunch of dicks we had been and how uncalled for all this shit we gave him was, leading to a big team bonding talk. so basically im saying.. if theyre just minorly poking fun at you, just let it go, friends tease each other. but if you feel theyre being really unneccessarily persistent about it, then show them you mean it instead of being passive.
OP I mean no offense but your post reminded me of this other post from another forum, where this poster made a curious request. "What does a penis taste like?" In every other sentence he'd vehemently deny being gay. As his ruminations became gayer and gayer, he denied his being gay more and more!
Serious question here, I'd honestly like a description of what a cock tastes like. I've heard from a few people its rather salty.
EDIT: BTW I'm not gay, if I was I would just come out and admit but nope just curious
thats the thing i dont know that any of my friends are open enough to do this without the fear of being considered "gay". It's really societies fault, i mean whats gay about two guys making each other feel good? not even that cause im not gay but really whats gay about one man tasting another man cock and even typing that sounds gay but again...society.....
Well cant thank you all enough, I'm feeling fairly confident enough to go right on up to one of my least favorite friends today (i wont care if he backlashes and breaks the friendship with me as much that way) and discussing things over with him......if he agrees that was can taste each other in a strictly heterosexual manner then ill let you all know how it goes and more importantly tastes.
I act like the gay most of the time (touching everyone, slapping butt:boy or girl,...) Everyone loves me! :p But also switch these things up with HARDCORE MASCULIN THINGS like... euhm flexing muscles or something :p Just realised something: Maybe I can get away with this because I have girlfriend:p dunno prolly
But yeah Go nuts dude, who cares what they think:p once you have a girlfriend they'll change their minds. ^^
nothing wrong with being gay. if at all possible i hope there'd be more gay men; just so more women would get over me looking like daniel craig who got hit by a shovel--seriously.
Trust me, even if you had a hot gf, they would think you were pretending as well. It's the situation with one of my co-worker (male, artist), who uses lip stick and wears earrings.
I love gay people...89% of the time the gay people have a very outgoing personality and most the time witty.
I know this b/c I had 2 gay friends while in high school and grew up with a gay aunt. I work with 2 gays atm....And my last g/f had tons of gay guys around her and they always made me crack the fuck up.....I'm not gay...But i love gays...
We had a friend, or well we still have, whose personality kinda matches yours from what I can tell by reading your post. What might "scare" you though is that he eventually turned out to be gay after all. It's kinda ironic cuz we'd joke around with him telling him how gay he was sometimes and he'd just laugh and be like "haha fuck you guys" etc and then one day he basically confessed to having made out with a guy and that he was probably gay.
He's still an awesome guy and friend though, anyone who's known him since we were kids doesn't really care about his sexuality. What's even funnier is that we joke about him being gay now more than ever, and he's really cool with it. What Kennelie said is pretty much true as well, Gay people tend to be a lot more outgoing and funny, not to mention that they are like the perfect wing man when you're out clubbing / attending a party etc. They handle girls sooooooo well.
I think u have to set limits . Sometimes people are so close and joke so much tohether that it can become disrespectful on a long run. One day u will meet girls in holidays or in party and they will joke about your gayness in front of them , that could be disturbing.. Years ago after a big party my friends invented a stupid nickname which was funny 1 day but it became my second name and i could not stand it anymore. One day i said them :" the next one who call me again with this nick will be punched whatever if its joke or not, please i really warned you , just dont do it anymore". And it worked
i doubt you are still reading this far. if you are, good. people everywhere tend to have a narrow conception of masculinity. if you don't conform to that conception you are liable to be labeled gay. things tend to be different for women. think about it: we have all known and maybe wanted to fuck a tomboy girl, but effeminate men, pussies, are objects of scorn for all. in truth, no personality follows such a strict binary, exhibiting only male or only female traits. don't we all hate those over-sexed people? the ultra-machismo men, the weak, silly, slutty women? so most of us have some personality traits that people assign to one sex or another. a healthy, well-rounded person will tend toward the bisexual (not a sexual orientation, just a personality that has masculine/feminine aspects). we should be strong yet know our own weaknesses; go after the girl and enjoy being chased; have close emotional friendships with men and women; take an interest in personal appearance and yet not obsess over it...you get the idea. people who tend to one extreme or the other tend to be unhappy. tell your friends there is nothing wrong with being gay, that using the term pejoratively is bigoted, and that they all have some feminine traits. if anecdotal evidence is not enough for you, i have sources for some of this stuff.
edit: axel is right: familiarity breeds contempt.
also, people have been thinking i'm gay for at least a decade.
On December 23 2008 16:43 jjun212 wrote: Yo, well, does everyone here have a group of friends where at least one of the guys... is considered to be the "weak" / "flamboyant" etc kinda guy?
Well not that there is anything wrong with that but I have different groups of friends and in my closest group, I'm considered to be that "gay" guy. Well here's the thing, I'm not gay and I actually have nothing against being gay or anyone choosing that path as a lifestyle... it's like w/e? I'm from Toronto so I'm really open minded about these kinda issues.
The thing is, in the past, I have acted flamboyant, I mean like the way I act, the way I joke around, etc... so I can see why my friends think this way. At first it was a joke with them accusing me of being gay and stuff but honestly, it's getting more and more serious. Like yea, we all still laugh at the subject but they keep pressuring me, trying to dissect the "truth" out of me.
At first, I would argue about it and they would accuse me of trying to "defend" myself too much and that maybe I was scared... and then when I calm about it and just didn't answer and tried to talk reasonably they said it was out of my character and that I was taking the issue so smoothly as if I was really gay. It's like... no matter what I do, they have that presumption. It's kinda like an Atheist and a hardcore Christian talking about the existence of God. (No body can win or convince the other of their point of view)
The thing is, they are true friends though because whenever I was in need, they were there for me and vice-versa. I care about them and I know they care about me. We've known each other for years but it seems like this will never go away. They're so into it that if I got a girlfriend, they would assume it was a cover-up... wtf?
But here's the thing, I don't see myself with any girl for a while just because I'm focused on my studies and have other goals that I want to reach before anything else. I'm also an actor/artist. My training involves all of that "gay" stuff that is stereotypical in the media and such. I enjoy who I am actually.. and I am not gay.
So for you... for anyone who has this kinda friend, do you guys really think they are gay? Are you just teasing? Do you really want to investigate all of this... Why do you want to believe so much that, that "gay" friend is actually gay?
&
For any of the guys who are considered TO BE THAT "gay" friend, do you just take this with a grain of salt or what? Do you feel you have something more to prove as a man? It's just... I don't know, it's just an internal thing for me to think;
"Wtf? I'm not gay... but I don't even know what to say anymore, it's like a lose-lose situation. You're my friends but obviously I can't convince you that I'm not one thing or another"
What's "the thing" and why do you keep drawing attention to it?
Dude, just stop being an artfag/dramafag all the time and go to the gym, get that repressed testosterone going again. Then kick the shit out of your friends.
In my group of friends me and a really close friend were mocked by acting like a couple, etc..
At the time I wasnt really looking for girls, I thought that whatever relationship I would have, it would be better if it happened naturally, I didnt wanted to go hunting.
Turns out man are hunters, and me and my friend really are gay, now we live happy as a gay couple, and I couldnt care less.
But, here is the thing, i had these inclinations all my life, even tho they were kept in the closet, it wasant a surprise to me, only to my friends who mocked me, imho, if you really are gay, you already know, and you are just looking for the time the place the hour.
On December 23 2008 16:51 LosingID8 wrote: probably 1 or 2 of your friends are hoping you'll come out of the closet so they can start hitting on you (probably closet gays themselves lol)
Sounds like it. Gays flock together and that was a gay OP. I've got mad gaydar skillz. Homosexual tendancies are adapted by the subconscious first as a way to codify and communication invisible sexuality. If everyone believes you are honestly gay, and you continued to act gay after such accusations, then you are definitely representing yourself as a homosexual and part of you had to have been enjoying it otherwise you would have gotten more upset/stopped with the jokes. If you liked the attention at first of being thought of a homosexual then there are probably some parts of you that wants to be thought like that otherwise you wouldn't act in such a way.
DO SOME SOUL SEARCHING.
Edit: One of my friends is totallllllllly in love with one of my other friends but i dont think anyone would ever bring it up. Just speculated at from a distance!
On December 23 2008 23:48 Wotans_Fire wrote: Dude, just stop being an artfag/dramafag all the time and go to the gym, get that repressed testosterone going again. Then kick the shit out of your friends.
On December 23 2008 23:48 Wotans_Fire wrote: Dude, just stop being an artfag/dramafag all the time and go to the gym, get that repressed testosterone going again. Then kick the shit out of your friends.
yaaaaaa studly badass male here clearly.
GET HUGE AND HIT PEOPLE. HETEROOOOOO![/QUOTE]
yaaaaaa effeminate new age fag here clearly.
Really on the internet I can be anything so I choose to be the studly badass male. To everyone calling him closet gay or whatever the test is pretty simple, does gay porn turn you on? can you masturbate to it? lol
On December 23 2008 23:31 Kennelie wrote: Don't worry bro if your not gay....Your not gay...Don't let other peoples opinions and peer pressure lead you into something your not.
I think Kennelie made the best and most succint point so far, this is what it all comes down to.
On December 24 2008 00:40 Hawk wrote: Toronto? Gay?
This isn't you, is it?
I have money on this....
Edit: Not to be mean or anything but while on the subject...I've gotten hit on by a good friend that I believe was lacking on coming out the closet...So he went for the kill with me for some odd reason and I denied the move he put on me and I asked him about his sexuality. Still has not came out the closet. Or maybe he was joking..
Bah, thats the way friends are. They love to tease and attack someone with something if its funny and they see that it bothers the person. In time, I think it will pass. If not, eventually you will have new friends (thats the way life is), and it won't even be an issue.
Just don't let someone else define who you are. If your not gay, then your not gay, that's all there is to it. Don't let someone try to create doubts in your mind.
On December 23 2008 23:48 Wotans_Fire wrote: Dude, just stop being an artfag/dramafag all the time and go to the gym, get that repressed testosterone going again. Then kick the shit out of your friends.
On December 23 2008 22:58 Kennelie wrote: I love gay people...89% of the time the gay people have a very outgoing personality and most the time witty.
I know this b/c I had 2 gay friends while in high school and grew up with a gay aunt. I work with 2 gays atm....And my last g/f had tons of gay guys around her and they always made me crack the fuck up.....I'm not gay...But i love gays...
Ever consider that perhaps the reason that the only gay people around you that you are aware of are really outgoing is not that all gay people are outgoing, but rather that high extroversion inclines gays towards more openness and outwardness about their orientation?
I used to just joke around and pretend to be gay. I thought it was funny. Everyone else thought it was funny. People call me gay. So what? I stopped because I've started opening up to homosexuals and whatever, but my friends still call me gay. Don't let it bother you man. It doesn't matter what people think about you. Do what you do. And I'm not gay.
lol I don't see why this is a problem, seriously. You are much more likely to be the one who bangs the girls than them if you are out as a group if they view you as maybe gay, ESPECIALLY if they tell the girls beforehand out of your earshot.
If your friends are truly friends, as in the type of people who know when you're serious, know when your feeling angry/sad and will listen to you if it comes down to business, then here's what I'd do: divide and conquer.
From what you wrote it seems like your friends like to joke around with you even when you try to be serious to them. This is probably because they like to play off of each other's jokes. So the best thing is to talk to them individually. Start with your closes friend, or one who you are most comfortable with. Be serious, tell em exactly what's on your mind. Explain to them that while it is funny, sometimes you think they take it seriously, and you're getting frustrated/annoyed/worried.
If they truly are your friends they should be able to understand.
I don't usually smile or talk to people that often, and everyone seems to think of me as masculine. Maybe that's just my personality, so it may not be an option for you.
Also some days don't brush your hair, don't shave, and wear dirty/shabby clothes. Also wear boots not shoes. Wear a belt too. I do that as well, maybe it would help you.
Also look at people directly in the eyes when you talk to them.
i think you are gay deep inside. but its alright. and there is one "gay" friend in my group too. we always make fun of him and stuff but its all fun and game
If your friends are truly friends, as in the type of people who know when you're serious, know when your feeling angry/sad and will listen to you if it comes down to business, then here's what I'd do: divide and conquer.
From what you wrote it seems like your friends like to joke around with you even when you try to be serious to them. This is probably because they like to play off of each other's jokes. So the best thing is to talk to them individually. Start with your closes friend, or one who you are most comfortable with. Be serious, tell em exactly what's on your mind. Explain to them that while it is funny, sometimes you think they take it seriously, and you're getting frustrated/annoyed/worried.
If they truly are your friends they should be able to understand.
if you'd be straight, you would have already punched each ones face when they're saying your gay. face it.
edit: lol at all ppl telling you "be more masculine, wear dirty clothes, eat with your fingers". you DON'T wanna act that way, right? so question yourself, if all of the above is masculine, are you masculine? no, so what could you be else?
ps: i dont say "you're not a man", not at all, but you're just not masculine which isn't anything bad. if you pretend to be masculine, that is really bad.
On December 24 2008 04:19 jjun212 wrote: Would it help if I said, I had sex with a couple of girls before and fucking enjoyed it and have never thought of or even touched another guy's dink?
You're all gayer than me.
I can tell by your sig (whattup) and your current mood (), that you are indeed quite flamboyant. So no, it wouldn't help.
On December 23 2008 16:43 jjun212 wrote: Yo, well, does everyone here have a group of friends where at least one of the guys... is considered to be the "weak" / "flamboyant" etc kinda guy?
Well not that there is anything wrong with that but I have different groups of friends and in my closest group, I'm considered to be that "gay" guy. Well here's the thing, I'm not gay and I actually have nothing against being gay or anyone choosing that path as a lifestyle... it's like w/e? I'm from Toronto so I'm really open minded about these kinda issues.
The thing is, in the past, I have acted flamboyant, I mean like the way I act, the way I joke around, etc... so I can see why my friends think this way. At first it was a joke with them accusing me of being gay and stuff but honestly, it's getting more and more serious. Like yea, we all still laugh at the subject but they keep pressuring me, trying to dissect the "truth" out of me.
At first, I would argue about it and they would accuse me of trying to "defend" myself too much and that maybe I was scared... and then when I calm about it and just didn't answer and tried to talk reasonably they said it was out of my character and that I was taking the issue so smoothly as if I was really gay. It's like... no matter what I do, they have that presumption. It's kinda like an Atheist and a hardcore Christian talking about the existence of God. (No body can win or convince the other of their point of view)
The thing is, they are true friends though because whenever I was in need, they were there for me and vice-versa. I care about them and I know they care about me. We've known each other for years but it seems like this will never go away. They're so into it that if I got a girlfriend, they would assume it was a cover-up... wtf?
But here's the thing, I don't see myself with any girl for a while just because I'm focused on my studies and have other goals that I want to reach before anything else. I'm also an actor/artist. My training involves all of that "gay" stuff that is stereotypical in the media and such. I enjoy who I am actually.. and I am not gay.
So for you... for anyone who has this kinda friend, do you guys really think they are gay? Are you just teasing? Do you really want to investigate all of this... Why do you want to believe so much that, that "gay" friend is actually gay?
&
For any of the guys who are considered TO BE THAT "gay" friend, do you just take this with a grain of salt or what? Do you feel you have something more to prove as a man? It's just... I don't know, it's just an internal thing for me to think;
"Wtf? I'm not gay... but I don't even know what to say anymore, it's like a lose-lose situation. You're my friends but obviously I can't convince you that I'm not one thing or another"
Ok, if you are an actor/atrtist you must be pretty close with some women, maybe your friends are just jealous? Or maybe they are gay?
But seriously who cares what your friends think? It doesn't matter if they've been there for you when you needed them, if they are gonna put you down like that, then get some new friends.
Yah my group back in high school did this, but it was more like whoever we felt like on any particular day was gay. We really were just kidding around though, there weren't any hard feelings or anything.
actually that post's not really a good example but it just sounded like it fit in with the other crowd of people going dur dur dur dur so i quoted that one
No offense, but the fact that you came to TL for an answer to this is a bit weird. Are they really annoying you by calling you gay? If so, then like people have already stated, just talk to them and let them know that they are going too far with it. If they are really your friends, then they should understand. Nowadays, what guy doesn't joke around by acting gay, except for the people who are actually gay? Maybe your the one taking it too far and acting beyond the "gay limit", lets call it. But if you truly aren't gay, then let your friends know.
On December 23 2008 17:47 FrEaK[S.sIR] wrote: I've always been very flamboyant and have some femmy features.
I just learned not to give a fuck. People will think what they think. There is little you can do to change that. I chose to embrace it.
Now I get a lot of attention from girls for the simple fact that I identify with them in a lot of ways.
Absolutely agree with this. If the guys give you crap for being who you are, find some girls who actually get it and hang out with them instead. If you're straight and a nice person, they'll really appreciate it. And maybe they have cute friends - you never know.
On December 24 2008 09:29 SirTea wrote: The best part of being the "gay guy" of the group is that you're more sincere and bitches love that.
Damn, dude... Do you really think that the 'bitches' as you call them would make out with a sincere guy over a muscled/primitive/sportslike/whatever other description fits here guy?
Assuming you're not really gay, you can always act gay. Chicks love gay dudes because they know they won't get hit on. Then you can make a move and all your friends will be like "Oh SHIT, He's not gay"
On December 23 2008 16:56 jjun212 wrote: I did honestly try to think about it... But anyway, yea, I did do myself and my friends a favour by trying to question myself but I just can't accept being gay because it isn't true to me.
o_0a if u had to ask yourself.. and I won't even go into the subliminals in language used.
On December 23 2008 17:14 MeriaDoKk wrote: I've never met a gay person in my life.
Lol your so blind. To the opener, just tell your friends: WTF im not gay, just stop. If they keep it then send them hell they are bad friends anyways. And yes i had some gay friends and some nogay friends that looked gay. Never asked them.
Just be comfortable with who you are, you don't owe your friends explanations and it just seems they are kidding around with you. It's not a big deal so don't worry so much about it.
On December 24 2008 11:35 SkY wrote: In my case, people don't accuse me of being gay, but I like to wear feminine things.
- that just makes you a cross-dresser (heterosexual transvestite) - now if you do it to get sexually aroused (from cross-dressing itself), then you suffer from a transvestic fetishism (and your not strictly speaking a cross-dresser).
- nevertheless, which ever the case you still fall under the fruit cake category - but hey, no one is perfect, enjoy ~
On December 24 2008 07:54 Mora wrote: hahaha faggot.
778-558-1996
call me.
oh god, Mora.
LOOOL
also, being gay is widely accepted, no one cares if you are or not. I was friends with a gay guy for a while back in high school. He had a major crush on me, and I'd always find it funny to be walking around school or D.C. or whatever and just be like, "so would u choose that guy over there or the one in blue on the bench?" It would always be amusing to me.
Then it just got creepy when he would be like, "yo that guy who just walked by us, was checking you out." There are some things i'd rather not know.
But yeah, OP, being gay is alright. We're not going to tie you to the back of our trucks and drag you around town and tie you to a fence. Times have changed.
On December 23 2008 21:37 Emlary wrote: Trust me, even if you had a hot gf, they would think you were pretending as well. It's the situation with one of my co-worker (male, artist), who uses lip stick and wears earrings.
Earring has nothing to do with gayness. It's for both gays and non-gays. Totally irrelvant unles you're talking about the large hoop type or the dangle type of earrings. Lip stick yes unless you're talking about the lip balm type of lip sticks.
I don't think there is one perfect solution. Whether you approve or disapprove of homosexuality, on the surface level you will always have positive sentiment about it because it is politically incorrect to say otherwise.
You think you are perfectly non-discriminative until you are perceived as 'one of them' which then you become extremely uncomfortable about it. If you were totally unbiased about homosexuality you'd be as cool as people mistakenly thinking that your favorite color is red when in fact it is blue.
They will always say they have nothing against gay people, but guys teasing one another 'gay' has the implication that the homosexuality is the subject of 'ridicule'. If they were genuinely curious about it, they will ask in a non-joking manner. Same applies for all the people posting here teasing the OP to come out of the closet even though you would probably deny it.
It is true that western society is relatively more open minded about the whole homosexual thing, but at the same time there is inevitable side effect which is constant and subconscious fear of being portrayed as gay. This resulted in guys afraid of making any sort of body contact with same sex, always concerned about what the men should/should not do, and pretends to be masculine. You will not watch romantic or humane type of movies, avoid listening to boybands/girlbands type of music, talk in manly manners and you cannot worry too much about your appearance. It's almost as if you're are locked inside this formality society created as a result of 'how not to be portrayed as gay'.
In Asia, people are relatively less open minded about 'homosexuality'. It is still somewhat of a taboo subject even though on a country level they started embracing it. But as a consequence guys are not so much afraid to express themselves freely. If you've ever been to Asia, you may have witnessed guys walking with arms around each other's shoulder, often bumping into each other, some even holding hands like Boxer and Oov in a recent 'Boxer return' thread. They don't hesitate to dress in flamboyant ways, you would have seen StarCraft casters often dressed in pink shirts and ties. This obviously doesn't mean everyone is straight, it just means everyone automatically assumes that you are heterosexual.
Whatever society you live in, there is no utopia, there are consequences to everything and you have to live with it.
But to answer the OP's question, one of the main reasons why people tease one another is because it will attract some sort of reaction that they expect from you. If you are totally neutral about it and say you are heterosexual in a plain way without blinking an eye, they will stop making same accusations as the fun will wear out after a while.
You should challenge one of you're friends like this..
Hey gheylohrd, here's the thing, I'm gonna pucker up right now and I need you to pucker up right now. Now, we gonna make some sweet French-Kissing and the 1st Person to admit that he loved that kiss is gay? Now, are you up the challenge lover boy?
Then it will be the other way around, if your friend admits that he likes FKing you then he is gay.
Really, I've watched this being used by one of my friends and it works like wonders.
On December 25 2008 07:58 sqwert wrote: lol. the guys so confused. he thinks hes str8 but he acts gay. u should go to the gym. its the most antigay thing there is lol.
Wait, what? Gay guys go to the gym ALL THE TIME - they have to stay buff. It's straight guys who can afford to get out of shape and still get attention from the opposite sex.
On December 24 2008 12:51 CaucasianAsian wrote: also, being gay is widely accepted, no one cares if you are or not.
- you just gotta luv them wide sweeping generalizations.. the world, or for that matter, the US, is not quite just there caucasianasian..
ps to op - it's comments like the one caucasianasian made that u wanna make to ur friends, (almost) proof positive he is not gay..
Well, as i said, I don't hang out with gay people that much anymore, but I live near Washington D.C., and really, no one gives a flying fuck if you're straight or gay. Then when i go to a college in southwest virginia (it really is pretty hickish) and only a few of the people down there are anti-gay.
I think people don't care if you're gay or not, do what you want to do behind closed doors, don't do it in public, and no one will care.
I think most people get worked up for gay marriages, as it's not in the bible etc...
EPT
just bear them, if you really aren't gay, then things will sort out whenever you get a GF.
![[image loading]](http://www.bedard.com/images/leafblower.jpg)
), that you are indeed quite flamboyant. So no, it wouldn't help.
![[image loading]](http://www.shteffi.net/blog/archives/2007/blogimg/buffalobill.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://www.myfreewallpapers.net/movies/wallpapers/silence-of-the-lambs.jpg)
