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> The Complete Military History of France
>
> Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
> years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
>
> Hundred Years War : Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic
> who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's
armies
> are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
>
> Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
> lose two wars when fighting Italians.
>
> Wars of Religion: France goes 0 & 54 against the Huguenots
>
> Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages
> to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
> participants started ignoring her.
>
> War of Devolution:: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as a
> chapeaux.
>
> The Dutch War: Tied
>
> War of the Augsburg League/ King William's War/ French and Indian War:
> Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Frogophiles
> the
> world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
>
> War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their
> first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
>
> American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to
> future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists
saw
> far
> more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
> Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of
> the fighting."
>
> French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was
> also French.
>
> The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
> Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a
> British
> footwear designer.
>
> The FrancoPrussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk
> Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
>
> World War I : Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
> United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not
only
> sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
> widespread
> use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French
> bloodline.
> World War II: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
> Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
>
> War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with
> the Dien Bien Flu
>
> Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army
> by a NonTurkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First
> Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is
> identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English,
> Dutch,
> Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
>
> War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history,
> surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender
to
> Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
>
> For any country silly enough to count on the French: the question should
> not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France
> collapses?"
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> The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
> Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a
> British footwear designer.
Not like Napoleon basically ruled the world for more than a decade or anything, and had to be brought down by a coalition of countries.
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... france sucks, period.
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Why i hate BigBalls:
You annoy the hell out of me with your useless Beyonder imitation topics.
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write in google "french military victories" and click "I Feel Lucky"
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So true. Not really a reason to hate the French though, just to laugh at them.
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On September 21 2003 02:52 Bleww wrote:
Why i hate BigBalls:
You annoy the hell out of me with your useless Beyonder imitation topics.
1. this serves a purpose. The stupid frenchy in the automatic car thread prompted this.
2. you are an idiot. an admitted idiot. do i have to dig out the post of dirk making a fucking fool out of you and you agreeing to every word he says?
3. you are back. you said you would not come back. i wish for once you actually did something useful.
4. you have no friends. you whine to marshall about how you have no friends and he pisses on you and you love it.
So go back to your idiotic, self-loathing useless existence and quit trolling the goddamn forums.
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On September 21 2003 02:54 orca wrote:
write in google "french military victories" and click "I Feel Lucky"
after no matching threads come up, click on french military DEFEATS and be directed to the website with this on it.
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BigBalls: Tell me are some kind of army freak ???
Why do you only see a nation through it's wars ?
I can see U have problems understanding cultures and guess that's a shame.
Keep it up and U might manage to be the next Bush
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On September 21 2003 03:07 Beamo wrote:
BigBalls: Tell me are some kind of army freak ???
Why do you only see a nation through it's wars ?
I can see U have problems understanding cultures and guess that's a shame.
Keep it up and U might manage to be the next Bush
Yes, the wisdom of beamo once again. Let me tell you first hand, you are a fucking sage.
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OMG I didn't know all that. Now I hate French too. There are so many good reasons to hate them.
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On September 21 2003 03:07 Beamo wrote:
BigBalls: Tell me are some kind of army freak ???
Why do you only see a nation through it's wars ?
I can see U have problems understanding cultures and guess that's a shame.
Keep it up and U might manage to be the next Bush
I'm surprised someone so enlightened as yourself is too lazy to type "you" instead of "u".
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Lazziness is the best source of invention 
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I didn't know you judge a country based on the wars it has won 
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This old post is unavailable due to an encoding issue. Please contact an admin if you would like this post restored for historical reasons.
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lol i wish i spoke french just so i could read that
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On September 21 2003 03:46 csjunkie wrote:
lol i wish i spoke french just so i could read that
Stop making intellectual masturbation and (trouve-toi des petites activites) (be small activities?) which you could devote yourself to put some joy in your life.
My french is really bad since I havent spoken it in years and years, just the occasional translation here and there when wgtour was french only.
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EPT
