Boyzilian

Sunday, January 23, 2005
My Boyzilian

If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well
It were done quickly: … Macbeth Act 1 Scene 7

“Hi, I need to check-in.”

“You are early. Did you want to apply the numbing cream?”

Firmly and without hesitation, “No.” Odd as this may seem, I felt weirder about my nuts being numbed then the actual waxing.

I took a seat in the waiting area. All day, I had thought about canceling my appointment to get the pubes waxed. For what seemed like an interesting idea on paper seemed like a dumb idea at this point. I mean I could always work with the artist to capture my body the way I wanted it captured and the nude photography did not look like it was going to happen. Still, here I was.

Oh yeah…the idea of being out $90 without a thing to show, so to speak, did not strike me as a good idea. Plus, I had a hard time of believing the women, who said, “I would be crying for momma, that no man could handle such pain.” I couldn’t give them the satisfaction. So, there I sat in the BellaPelle waiting area, head high and nuts held close waiting for my first Boyzilian.

Funny thing is, once seated in the waiting room, which was probably no bigger than the living room of a modest one bedroom with the high ceilings found in really old buildings, it was like a strange calm overcame me. Maybe it was the soft tones of the décor – the walls were papered with striped baby blue/white paper and the floor a plush powder blue carpet and four matching chairs for waiting. In one of the two chairs to my left, just opposite the receptionist, was a woman thumbing through a magazine as she waited for her friend to finish. I would take a seat in one of the two chairs to the left of the receptionist, just outside the entrance to the spa area.

The door opened. It was the friend.

The door opened again, this time my name was called. Wow, that was quick. It was just turning 6. My aesthetician, Lisa, was a young lass, I would say late 20s and very pleasant. She certainly did look like she could hurt anyone. She led me to a small room, probably no bigger than 12 x 4 just big enough for the table, a counter on the back wall, and the lamp and wax cart.

“Take off everything. You can use the wipes to wipe down everything to be waxed and when you finish drape this towel over your waist. I’ll wait for you outside.”

Well, I guess it was time. I had done as asked, avoided caffeine, got some potassium and plenty of fluids, ate a decent meal beforehand and took the Vitamin I as suggested. I had prepared myself as well as I had any marathon, I felt ready. Then I felt this little stir.

“Is there a restroom I can use?” And no it was not for what you are thinking! I’d be on the table for an hour or so and having followed fluid intake religiously, it would probably be a good idea to drain the chain one last time as once she started there would be no going then.

I guess now it was time. I stripped out of my clothes, folded them neatly and placed them on the foot stool at the foot of the bed. I hopped onto the table and covered up as best I could. As if on cue, Lisa re-entered the room.

She came into the room prepped the wax and pulled the lamp over the area to be deforested.

Except for her exposed tattooed covered arms, Lisa looked like a surgeon as she extended her hands to put on her gloves. Snap. Snap. And then with a casual flick, my towel was gone.

Guys, in case you are wondering, if being completely exposed while some woman is about to be playing around your nuts excites you, get those ideas out of your mind right now. For, there is absolutely nothing sexual about this. It was all quite clinical.

“This your first wax?”

“Yes. Will this be painful?”

“No, not as long as everything is pulled tight, it should be okay.

“How would you like it to look?”

I had given considerable thought to this question. Women, who prefer the Brazilian to the regular bikini wax, lean either towards clean or landing strip. No shortage of women has mentioned being somewhat freaked out by the idea of a man with no carpet, too much like a 12 year old. One even went so far to say, “If I were with a man and it got to that point and I saw he was completely clean, I would be like… umm, no! I gotta go!” First off, I’d like to know why I didn’t know these girls when I was 12. But really, I don’t know what 12 year old boy they are looking at, but having once been a 12 year old male, I can assure you a smooth pubes on an adult are considerably different than clean pubes on an adolescent. The most notable difference is in the size and the fullness of the penis and scrotum. Still, I had ruled out clean as a possibility.

Normally, when I groom myself, I go for an inverted triangle with the penis forming the point. A landing strip was not really practical because you want it to look natural and the hairs across my stomach would have made the entire area look more like the top of a Dr. Grip pen instead of a landing strip. I briefly considered a trail down to the penis, but I did not schedule the stomach wax to make it natural, so I stuck with the triangle.

“Okay. I need you bend your knees out.” And with that, she began the prep work.
…

“I need you to hold it to the left.” Ah, this would be a completely interactive process. And with that she be applied the first of the pink gooey substance.

“Hot.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

“Not hot in a bad sense, more like hot in a warm comfortable, I like the way it feels sense.”

“Still, I will turn down the lamp a little.”

I watched as the hair quickly adhered to the wax and she used a small fan to harden the wax and expedite the process. Once harden she pulled up the wax at the edges and then with a quick yank, she pried it off my body. I was expecting it would hurt, at least be a little painful, but it wasn’t. It felt more like someone had quickly pulled duct tape off the body but in a more sensual sort of way. It could have been the immediate feel of the smoothness that made it feel good. All I know is I was anxiously awaiting the next application of wax and yank.

Lisa had been at it for a few minutes before she asked me how I was holding up. I was hesitant to let her know how I really felt. I mean it wasn’t painful, maybe a slight bit discomforting, but in the discomfort I actually found something rather enjoyable. It was like when you are watching a basketball game and the announcer states that the guy at the line hasn’t missed all night, and then, he bricks his next free throw. The two have nothing to do with each other, but you can’t help but thinking you just jinxed the whole thing. I mean she still had a whole lot o’ pube to go and at any moment the slight joy I was feeling could turn to the immense pain that I had been warned to expect. But reason dictated my left scrotum was no more sensitive than the right; so I said, “It wasn’t painful at all.” In fact, I was smiling as I awaited the next dose of hot wax.

“Never heard that before.”

“Can you pull it more to the left?”

“How many request do you get for boyzilians?”

“Anywhere from a few a day for a month to just a few a week.

“Pull it up.

“At first, I’d say we had more gay customers but now we have lot straight men that come in for a clean up.

“Pull it to the right.”

It does have a name I thought. Is it too hard to say penis? Does she not like my penis? I mean in the course of her work she must see enough penises, why doesn’t she just say penis. Or was it just my penis, what was it with my penis that she couldn’t say penis? I wanted to ask but passed.

“There are only a few places that do this.”

“Most women won’t do them. Here it is only me and the owner. It’s a little more expensive than for the women. It takes a little more time. But I don’t mind, most are regulars.”

“Must be your gentle touch.”

The continued wax and yank was rather arousing. I had also heard that some men find the experience almost too pleasurable to the point of pre-cum and some even shooting their entire wad. The aesthetician generally just takes it in stride and offers the guy a tissue and continues about her work. Having been on the table some 40 plus minutes, I found the experience somewhat pleasurable – it stimulated the loins - but to the point of actually coming, no, it wasn’t that good. There was nothing sexual about her work. Maybe those guys are just quick shooters or maybe they excited by pain, which if that is the case I would say they have an extremely low pain threshold but that is the subject of another post. Still, I have to think those stories are the work of urban legend.

After she had finished waxing the pubes, Lisa ran the clippers across the remaining hair to tighten it up. Think bald fade. And like my barber, she asked me how I liked it before she finished. The sides were a bit uneven and there was some hair caught between the scrotum and thigh which she had missed. More wax.

“What about the area at the top of the penis?”

Wow, she actually said penis.” That is a hard spot to shave as you need to hold the penis down to shave with the grain. One slip and you have a nasty cut. “Mos’ def’, we need to clean that up.”

“Pull it down.”

“That’s nice.”

“Cheeks?”

“Yes.”

“Are you are runner?” she asked, as she applied the wax.

“Yes.”

“You have a runner’s physique.”

“Thank you.”

“I think you will like this. We have more men coming in for waxing and you clearly keep you hair short. This just compliments your clean look.”

Whether this was blowing smoke or her honest feeling it was working.

“To get those inner hairs, I need you to hold your cheek.”

“Kinda slick.”

“Here let me get you a towel.”

“Other side.”

“Smooth.”

“You will be back; you look like a groomer. “You handled this very well.”

And then she was gone.

I admired her work for a while taking the mirror to look at my newly smooth oiled cheeks, balls and penis. The fade on the pubes was very well-done as well. It was very clean and I much liked the symmetry of the heads. You can beat proper grooming. She would definitely be getting a nice tip.

I dressed. I was sure to wear the silk underwear today. Nice. I can’t imagine some women find this painful, I would think a man has a few more sensitive parts than a woman. Women, talk about the low pain threshold we men have, how we can’t handle the pain. A little discomforting but by no means is it anywhere near as painful as a fastball hitting you in the nuts. I actually enjoyed the wax and look forward to the next hot wax and the smooth feel of my nuts.


posted by RunnerBoy | 9:10 PM