On September 29 2008 21:23 MamiyaOtaru wrote:I guess I've lurked long enough.
9th grade biology, the teacher is droning on about the digestive tract, the stomach, duodenum, cardiac sphincter etc. To my left is a kid named James, a complete dork who always ate chips that smelled so bad they made me want to throw up. As usual I was ignoring him and chilling with Matt, who sat on the other side. We were joking around and laughing about something, and the teacher asked us what was so funny. Before we can say anything James blurts out "they thought you said cardiac
stinker" and cracks up. There's this horrible frozen moment where the whole class looks at us like we are the dumbest most immature people in the world and I'm just mortified. "That's not what we were laughing at" sounds weak and I'm pretty sure no one believed me.
That class sucked anyway. I got the highest score in the school on the final but got an F for the course because I didn't believe in homework and the teacher was a dick.
Next year: new school, new country. I always used to lose watches, so when I got a new one I got in the habit of never taking it off. In the computer lab there's this hot chick I wanted to talk to. I'm a pussy, so I needed to manufacture an excuse. I decide I'll ask her what time it is. Of course I have to take off the watch for that to be plausible. I peel it off for the first time in a week or two and suddenly there's this terrible shit smell. Apparently skin doesn't age well without being washed or exposed to the air D: I never spoke to her again.
School trip to Holland: we're taking the overnight ferry across the channel. I've been on them before and I know the toilets in the cabins are scary as hell. They are like an instant vacuum, sucking down anything in the bowl in the blink of an eye. One of the guys goes in to take a leak. When he's done I'm like "check this out" and I engage the vacuum flush. He just looks at me and is like "dude, you looked at my pee". WTF was I doing
RE: ferries and pee - we were hanging around on the deck and there's this fierce wind. One of the other guys in the trip decides he's going to take a piss. He's not dumb enough to pee into the wind of course, he pees with it. But the wind blasting around him created an eddy and the piss is curving back and headed straight at him. Of course he can't just stop. I about died seeing him dance around trying to keep it off his pants and shoes. WTF that trip and seeing pee
Fark now all I can think about is toilets. Track trip to London, I'm in a stall trying to lose a few pounds before the high jump. One of the sprinters gets in the next stall and immediately starts ripping off toilet paper. I'm like "what are you doing with toilet paper already?" He told me it was to keep the water in the bowl from splashing on him when he let one go. The Moar You Know!
Back at the school: there's a new building my senior year. Between classes I head to the John for a #2. I'm sitting there and two girls walk in talking to each other. Oh shit I'm in the wrong room. This would never have happened if I was in for #1
I decide to stay quiet and wait for them to leave, but I guess they see my feet. One of them asks "who's in there?" Is this a girl thing, to ask who's in the stall so they can all say "OMG hi!" or whatever? I say nothing so they ask again. They are pretty insistent. I finally say "I think I'm on the wrong room" and walk out. They are both freshmen and they think it's hilarious. One of them always smiled and said hi whenever she saw me after that.
These are just getting dumber, but this is cathartic. Freshman year in college: the whole floor is gathered in the hall listening to the dorm mother. I've got serious gas (cafeteria food). I wait for her to reach a dramatic pause in whatever uplifting story she's telling and in the dead silence rip a huge one. Jared busts up and everyone thought it was him for the rest of the year. Fun Fact: Napoleon Dynamite was there (well the actor who would one day play him).
EPT
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