On May 10 2007 17:18 CaucasianAsian wrote:I talked to her and typed out somethiing last night and gave it to her before I left for school/work. She hasn't come back from work yet... this is what the writing said + Show Spoiler +
I can not honestly tell you anything that I don't feel down in my heart. Ever since I have gotten a job at Pizza Hut and hanging out with other people, you have accused me of doing things such as drugs, alcohol, robbing stores, etc... Are you not aware about how outrages and hysterical this sounds? My entire life, I have been fed tales about how drugs are bad, don't drink alcohol, and obviously don't do anything illegal.
I have done nothing that would change the alteration of your consciousness to such a degree that you think so horrifically about me. I have never done drugs, I never wish to, I never have tasted Alcohol, and I don't want to until I am 21. I never have stolen anything more than a penny for lunch money.
Do you want to know what I think about the situation? In my own perception of the attitudes that you have given me, you assume that I am like my sister. I am not under any circumstance following my sister's footsteps to become involved in illegal activities such as consuming illegal substances. The people I hang out with are good people, and have done nothing bad.
I am aware about the personal mistakes that my sister has preformed that would cause you to lose respect in her. But when have I ever come across as a person who would want to say, “Screw everything I've learned, I want to die 10 years earlier!”?
Honestly, nothing is a fabrication in what I am saying right now. Just because I am growing up and trying to figure out my life outside of a Christian engulfed home, you assume that I am a bad kid, a satanic worshiper (in order to believe in satan, you need to believe in God, I believe in neither). You have known me for 17 years and you have taught me since day 1 how to grow up and become a better person for society, all while becoming an individual based on individual, personal morals. If you do not trust in what you have taught me yourself, then I don't know what to say.
I apologize that you are losing grip on me, we used to have a decent relationship. I mean, we talked about a lot of things, but lately, all of our conversations have been nothing but arguments. I am regretful that I somehow appear to be a drug using, alcoholic, retarded criminal, but I am none of these. If you can just please give me space to understand what I enjoy in life and not have you tell me what I do or do not enjoy through your own personal experiences then I would be grateful. Every person is different, some may enjoy being a Christian and conforming to believe in something that has no literal evidence besides a book that was written about a man who can walk on water (makes real sense!). Some may believe that none of that makes sense and just needs to get away for a while from people like the first. I myself believe in the latter, so why do you insist on making me something that I am not? I do not want to live a lie.
I am never sleeping by 9:00 and neither are my friends. If we are not hurting anyone what is a reason as to why we cant? Because its your rule? Well what is the basis for a rule like that? What are you trying to shield me from? What makes it so unbearable to see your own son hanging out, laughing, seeing movies, making money, understanding himself?
If you are to think about my school participation and grades. I obviously care enough to pass school since I have not a single grade below a B on my report card. I am passing all of my classes and will continue to do so for quite a while.
Please if you have read this thoroughly then understand that I do not intend you to feel hurt by anything that I have said. I just want to show you my side of what has been going on, and I really want you to understand me, and allow me to continue to figure out what I wish to pursue in life.
I sort of skimmed your note to your mom. It's good that you explained the situation, but in my personal opinion, yhou should've talked to her face to face. Writing just lacks the human interaction factor when it comes to taking care of personal problems. What you've written, you should tell her when she gets home.
And honestly, your mother is a very precious person in your life. As people have mentioned, she cooks for you, cleans for you, raised you, fed you, bred you, done everything that you need to grow up. It sounds hypocritical coming from me since I've never had such a great relatinoship with my mother, but I do realize how important moms are. That being said, I feel absolutely shitty just thinking about how much garbage kids including myself give to their parents. I suppose it's an endless cycle once you get married and have kids yourself.
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