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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Northern Ireland25658 Posts
On July 02 2020 05:03 ZaneArc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2020 20:35 Harris1st wrote:I'm not sure what the problem may be. You say you don't have problems with talking to women in general but have trouble staying interested? - Maybe you haven't meet a girl that is interesting to you yet - Maybe you are very selfcentered and other people are boring for you in general. This is not meant as an insult, as this can be very subconscious. Different people are different and all. I think there are ways to work on that but I don't know one of the top of my head. Or a you blocking on purpose/ subconscious? - You have to get comfortable with yourself first - Get a drink (or 3) to loosen up. Alcohol has a way of getting people laid - Just go out there and try. Who never tries has already lost ( Cheesy but true ) Don't pressure yourself too much. You are still young  You can start worrying if you are 31 and still haven't dated anyone Even though I am outgoing, I find it difficult to find people I find interesting. So much so, that generally in social situations I almost always have to take the lead to make things fun. Your tips were very good, I really lack the initiative to try a deeper relationship, I feel that I am really sabotaging myself by not insisting anymore, and this has always been something present in my life, the fact of giving up things quickly that I did not insist on enough. Thank you very much for the words, I managed to see some aspects that I had not seen before. I'll try to put it into practice!
That’s not a problem, just hold off from forcing things until you find someone that is interesting to you. I find quite a few people often pretty boring and an actual effort to interact with, nothing wrong with waiting until you run into someone he where it’s less of a chore.
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It's also good not to date while horny because that shit makes me bananas. It's really annoying sometimes...
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On July 01 2020 15:54 ZaneArc wrote:
What's up guys. I'm a 21-year-old Brazilian, and I never dated and everyone keeps asking me why.
Well, to put it simply, I have always been called attractive all my life, but the fact is, I can never motivate myself to find a girl. I've tried Tinder and I don't have a lot of problems getting matches, however, I can never get interested enough to start a conversation with everyone and I end up starting conversation only with the ones that I find quite attractive, but soon I get bored and lose interest.
Yes, I am a virgin, although no one knows and everyone thinks I have sex with a lot of women for some reason. I believe that I am too proud and afraid to connect with someone. In childhood, several girls advanced on me, so I managed to kiss here, another there, but never more than that. There were even times when girls said they loved me, and I couldn't say anything. But the question is: I am an extrovert, I talk a lot and I reach women without any problems, but it seems that there is something holding me back and I believe there is some insecurity about my height. I'm 5'5 tall, and even though I have an athletic body (training since the beginning of 2018) and an attractive face, I can't seem to encourage myself to try something with any girl.
I'm extremely perfectionist in everything, and that's why I always try to dress in the best way possible, be a guy close to perfection, and maybe that's why I'm ashamed of never having sex and I'm afraid of ruining everything my first time and not to be able to look in the mirror later.
Does anyone have any honest tips or any way to help me? I really want to improve.
Rather than wait for the perfect one you can date people temporarily to get over different insecurities and for the sake of learning. Just date someone you don't like that much (since you probably don't like most people) who is pretty enough that you can stand to be around them and break up with them after a while if it doesn't get better. Some girls will get salty but it's all part of the game and women do it as much as men xD
Anyway that's how I started and it worked a lot better than waiting around.
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What's tinder protocol in these dark quarantine times? Do people really just do like... Zoom or something
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Northern Ireland25658 Posts
On July 24 2020 11:18 Zambrah wrote:
What's tinder protocol in these dark quarantine times? Do people really just do like... Zoom or something
Not sure if there’s a general rule, especially with things varying so much.
Me and de facto gf just talked for ages on IM, few phone calls over 2 months. We didn’t want to do a video call thing thought it would be weird, just waited it out until she felt comfortable going for a socially distanced park outing.
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Well I'm from Sweden, and here I just meet up normally. Go on a walk, hug when we meet, hug when we leave etc.
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Seen an acquaintance of mines today (havent seen her in a year maybe?) and it was hard to talk with her since 6-ft distancing and we were in the middle of the store. also had masks on so talking was difficult.
idk thats it.
i need to calibrate lol. its been a hot minute since i had a real date.
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On July 24 2020 11:18 Zambrah wrote:
What's tinder protocol in these dark quarantine times? Do people really just do like... Zoom or something
Idk I still just tell girls “wanna come smoke”
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Very interesting turn of events.
Like 5-6 years ago I asked out a girl. My friends had pushed me to do it. Things were a bit complicated, but I asked her out, she dumped her bf, I let her know that she knows what I wanted. A few weeks later she started dating one of my friends who pushed me to ask her out. I felt betrayed, but over a few months I started to get over it. A year later I'm completely over it.
They are still a couple and me and 7 others went to an island to chill together. On saturday she wanted to talk to me, in the middle of the night a bit from the house. Mosquitos everywhere. Basically she told me that she is depressed, on antidepressants, in therapy. Furthermore, in her eyes, I rejected her, not the other way around, and she got really sad about it back then.
I also talked to her boyfriend/my friend, and according to him I lost interest in her, and which is why he went for it.
On sunday she wanted to talk again, since she wasn't completely done with talking. And then she basically says she has some feelings for me that she doesn't want to have, which is why she wanted to talk.
Yesterday, she asked if we could talk again if she took a train to my city. I said yes, my friend knows she is going etc. It's strange to me, I was over her after like 1 year of asking her out, but she has had feelings for 5-6 years?
We'll see what she says tomorrow, but I'm not really sure what I can do to help her. Any tips/thoughts?
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Sounds really messy. For me personally I would let her know that while she is a great person that you can't possibly get involved with someone who is dating your friend. I would also always be worried if I dated her that in 5 or 6 years she may do this again.
Yeah I agree. I'm not really sure what she has in her mind to talk about tomorrow.
I told her that during the weekend, even said that if they broke up I wouldn't want to date her, even though I think she is awesome.
Unless you are super sure that this is the "one". I would gently let her down and continue moving on. If they end up breaking up and in a year or so if your both single give it a try if you want. The thing is if she is depressed she may think you are some sort of answer, and do to the newness of it if you guys started she might feel like she found it. But if she is not going through counseling and so on it will only be a blip and then what?
For me it would just be too much of a messy situation to get involved with and if you are extra nice in the let down and very respectful of their relationship you come out looking good and solid to both parties as well as likely feeling that you "did the right thing". It also does not completely shut the door if their relationship ends up ending not because of you and you are still interested.
There is like 0.00004% of me going for her after. I think we're kinda different people, even though she doesn't really want to admit it.
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On July 24 2020 11:18 Zambrah wrote:
What's tinder protocol in these dark quarantine times? Do people really just do like... Zoom or something
I've been pretty active on it because I moved to a big city alone last year and the solitude kind of gets to me sometimes. I got three experiences to share:
Girl 1 - Actually the girl I talked about a few posts back. We talked for about a few days before I asked her out when the quarantine restrictions were lifted. She seemed excited about it at the time. However, as time went on she started casually talking about how she's not leaving home until after august and how she wants to isolate herself from the world because everyone's a moron etc. It felt like a game, became kind of annoying after a while and I started to lose interest. We haven't talked for about a week and I don't plan on initiating a conversation unless she does.
Girl 2 - Joked for a few days on a dating app(not Tinder, but similar), made plans for dinner, got her number, kept talking but It kind of fizzled out because she went to visit her family for one week and I went to visit mine for the next. Feel like I might be able to get things going again, but was distracted by...
Girl 3 - So, this girl is super my type: sarcastic, chill, willing to talk about anything and completely uninterested in playing games. Initially we made a deal to go out only in September, because she's also visiting her family next week(unbelievable, I know) and I'm doing the same. However, she started dropping hints that she'd be willing to go out earlier, so I asked her out last weekend. We made plans to go to lunch because she gets out of work pretty late and bars/restaurant have to close by 10pm here. The day of the date she calls me to apologize and say that work has come up and she's gonna have to postpone. She tells me she feels terrible about cancelling on such short notice, and even though I'm quite upset, I tell her I understand and that's it's no big deal. About three hours later she tells me she's gonna try to sneak out of work earlier and asks me if I'm up for drinks. I say sure. We go out and it's one of the best first dates of my life. She's pretty, she's funny, she seems interested. I walk her to her car at the end of the date, call an Uber and we chat for a little bit until my car arrives. Goodnight kiss, I go home and tell her I had a great time. She tells me she had too. The day after we make plans to go to her place, have dinner and see where things go. And yesterday is when things took a dark turn.
She messages me in the morning talking about how she's worried of getting covid because we went to a bar during the week because she sometimes takes her mask off at work and how she wants to limit exposure because she's gonna visit her grandma etc. Naturally, I ask her if she wants to postpone our second date and she says she thinks it's the smart thing to do. Except this time we weren't going out, we would be at her home just the two of us. But I'm not going to insist, so I tell her it's ok, that family comes first etc. and that we can have a few online dates to keep momentum going. And once again my head is fucked up, because we're only going to meet in person after 20 days I'm not sure how if we'll manage to keep our interest that long.
TL;DR: I don't think there really is a protocol. You kind of have to feel out what's right and try to navigate. But it's really, really hard.
Sorry if the post is badly written, But I don't feel like checking it.
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On August 16 2020 00:47 dmnum wrote:. And once again my head is fucked up, because we're only going to meet in person after 20 days I'm not sure how if we'll manage to keep our interest that long.
Just relax first of all. I'd say get her snapchat if you can. I think it's way easier to keep up casual contact just showing what you are up to once ina while, easy to have casual conversations there. And it doesn't really get to the point where you run out of things to talk about, just comment on her snaps if you see something interesting etc.
I went on a date with a half swede/half finnish girl over two months ago. She went to her old folks and have been there for like 2.5 months now. We'll probably see each other again, but we've just had casual snap contact ever since.
Don't be afraid to date other people in the mean time either.
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On August 20 2020 17:33 AliceBrent3 wrote:Show nested quote +Rather than wait for the perfect one you can date people temporarily to get over different insecurities and for the sake of learning. Just date someone you don't like that much (since you probably don't like most people) who is pretty enough that you can stand to be around them and break up with them after a while if it doesn't get better. Some girls will get salty but it's all part of the game and women do it as much as men xD You can reduce communication to a simple chat if you don't love people so much)) But I like the option to just go with the flow and communicate with those who are brought in by the wave)
is this an adbot that is going to edit in a clicky at some point in the future? I can't make much sense of this otherwise. What wave is going to bring in people? And how do you avoid chatting right now that most people are fearful of meeting strangers in public, and most opportunities for socializing are shut down.
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Given the randoms ) I suspect that this Russian.
Could still be an adbot or I think it's more the language barrier at work.
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On August 20 2020 19:41 120720 wrote:
Given the randoms ) I suspect that this Russian.
Could still be an adbot or I think it's more the language barrier at work.
E: actually reading the jibberish in ask and answer stupid questions, I might be wrong. That might be a legit question by someone who is (1) really into numerology and (2) doesn't speak English well. Well, I reported her/it. It's up to the mods to figure this one out now 
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On August 16 2020 00:47 dmnum wrote:Show nested quote +On July 24 2020 11:18 Zambrah wrote:
What's tinder protocol in these dark quarantine times? Do people really just do like... Zoom or something I've been pretty active on it because I moved to a big city alone last year and the solitude kind of gets to me sometimes. I got three experiences to share: Girl 1 - Actually the girl I talked about a few posts back. We talked for about a few days before I asked her out when the quarantine restrictions were lifted. She seemed excited about it at the time. However, as time went on she started casually talking about how she's not leaving home until after august and how she wants to isolate herself from the world because everyone's a moron etc. It felt like a game, became kind of annoying after a while and I started to lose interest. We haven't talked for about a week and I don't plan on initiating a conversation unless she does. Girl 2 - Joked for a few days on a dating app(not Tinder, but similar), made plans for dinner, got her number, kept talking but It kind of fizzled out because she went to visit her family for one week and I went to visit mine for the next. Feel like I might be able to get things going again, but was distracted by... Girl 3 - So, this girl is super my type: sarcastic, chill, willing to talk about anything and completely uninterested in playing games. Initially we made a deal to go out only in September, because she's also visiting her family next week(unbelievable, I know) and I'm doing the same. However, she started dropping hints that she'd be willing to go out earlier, so I asked her out last weekend. We made plans to go to lunch because she gets out of work pretty late and bars/restaurant have to close by 10pm here. The day of the date she calls me to apologize and say that work has come up and she's gonna have to postpone. She tells me she feels terrible about cancelling on such short notice, and even though I'm quite upset, I tell her I understand and that's it's no big deal. About three hours later she tells me she's gonna try to sneak out of work earlier and asks me if I'm up for drinks. I say sure. We go out and it's one of the best first dates of my life. She's pretty, she's funny, she seems interested. I walk her to her car at the end of the date, call an Uber and we chat for a little bit until my car arrives. Goodnight kiss, I go home and tell her I had a great time. She tells me she had too. The day after we make plans to go to her place, have dinner and see where things go. And yesterday is when things took a dark turn. She messages me in the morning talking about how she's worried of getting covid because we went to a bar during the week because she sometimes takes her mask off at work and how she wants to limit exposure because she's gonna visit her grandma etc. Naturally, I ask her if she wants to postpone our second date and she says she thinks it's the smart thing to do. Except this time we weren't going out, we would be at her home just the two of us. But I'm not going to insist, so I tell her it's ok, that family comes first etc. and that we can have a few online dates to keep momentum going. And once again my head is fucked up, because we're only going to meet in person after 20 days I'm not sure how if we'll manage to keep our interest that long. TL;DR: I don't think there really is a protocol. You kind of have to feel out what's right and try to navigate. But it's really, really hard. Sorry if the post is badly written, But I don't feel like checking it.
Alright, here I am again.
Girl 3's with her folks and I'm with mine for this week, so naturally contact diminished. I asked her if she was up for a 10 minute call sometime during the week(we video chatted 2 times already) and she told me she thinks that'd be too much closeness for this point. I asked her if she felt pressured and she said pressured is not the right word, but that my way of acting and creating expectations is something that concerns her. She also said that she needs to respect her space and stop being afraid that saying what she wants will hurt people(she has that tendency, she's not really into her job yet regularly does 12-hour shifts, her father asks for her help with work a lot and then scolds her for finishing stuff close to the deadline etc.). So I told her plain and simple that I'm not a psychic, that if she expects something from me she needs to tell me and that I won't get upset with her if she does. Her answer: "I don't know, I kind of lost track of the conversation". So I'm taking it the only way I see possible: "you want too much from me at this point and I need space".
Thing is, I asked about 3 female friends and they all said I should maintain constant casual contact, otherwise it might come off as me losing interest in her. And that's why I'm here, to get external opinions from people that are less likely to try spare my feelings. Is it totally screwed and should I just move on? If not, how do I pull back without seeming like I don't give a fuck anymore? How do I maintain that balance?
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EPT
