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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On March 11 2020 23:22 Acrofales wrote:
So yeah, the problem here doesn't appear to be the gift (the trigger is never the problem). It's that she reacted differently from what you expected, and that triggered questions about whether she feels the same for you as you do for her.
Yeah, this sounds like it. When she was only telling me about the gift, I was actually happy that she trusted me with this awkward, and potentially bombshell of an information, though admittedly I felt uneasy thinking about how to deal with this in the future if this continues. But the moment she said with a very confident tone that she is keeping it, it went downhill for me real fast.
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On March 11 2020 23:22 Acrofales wrote:
I'm with shuffleblade here. It sounds as if you haven't actually got clear communication in your relationship.
add me to the list of people who agree on this point.
Sometimes clear communication in a relationship in the fetal stage is tough to do for a person who lacks bullet proof confidence. Clear communicatoin also requires what I like to call "ruthless honesty". This level of clear communication also requires a person willing to discover the relationship may not be what he or she hoped it was. However, clear vision of reality is better than dancing around reality in deference to our hopes, wishes , and dreams.
Some people call the acts of crystal clear communication that lead to laser focused clarity of the exact nature of the new relationship ..... "manning up".
Most of the people I know who are in great relationships had their hearts ripped out of the chests and stomped on a couple of times. Its fucking brutal to go through, however, never failing is unrealistic. Failing a few times forced them to acquire excellent relationship management skills along with the skills necessary to find a great partner.
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Northern Ireland26221 Posts
Sigh what luck?
I’m 30, had serious medical issues on account of being bipolar and am seriously underemployed by account of this. Also have a youngling which is a thing.
I used to do fine with women, I’m not too bad looking, quite conversational and confident and have a broad range of interests, I’m still me in that sense. I just don’t meet people organically due to my routine and online dating has been a fucking disaster, and a very dispiriting one at that.
I’m not willing to lie about things to anyone but after the seeming umpteenth time things seemed to be going well until I revealed I was bipolar and a ‘I’m not sure I can deal with that’ I don’t know.
Figured I’d take a break from the rather brutal endeavour of the online world, look into taking some classes of things I’m already interested in and join some clubs and stuff but now so much stuff is just shutting down. Not just to meet women but reconnect with some hobbies like music and writing I’m semi-proficient at, but it seems lockdown approaches.
I’m mostly venting than seeking any particular advice, it’s rather frustrating for me. Although advice is of course appreciated.
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On March 15 2020 05:09 Wombat_NI wrote:
Sigh what luck?
I’m 30, had serious medical issues on account of being bipolar and am seriously underemployed by account of this. Also have a youngling which is a thing.
I used to do fine with women, I’m not too bad looking, quite conversational and confident and have a broad range of interests, I’m still me in that sense. I just don’t meet people organically due to my routine and online dating has been a fucking disaster, and a very dispiriting one at that.
I’m not willing to lie about things to anyone but after the seeming umpteenth time things seemed to be going well until I revealed I was bipolar and a ‘I’m not sure I can deal with that’ I don’t know.
Figured I’d take a break from the rather brutal endeavour of the online world, look into taking some classes of things I’m already interested in and join some clubs and stuff but now so much stuff is just shutting down. Not just to meet women but reconnect with some hobbies like music and writing I’m semi-proficient at, but it seems lockdown approaches.
I’m mostly venting than seeking any particular advice, it’s rather frustrating for me. Although advice is of course appreciated.
Be up front about being bipolar. You will go on less dates but you will skip those girls that don't wanna date a bipolar at all.
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So how is your love-life going in the current situation?
How do you deal with the isolation (in case you're in quarantine)?
How do you stay in touch with your dates?
I'm still figuring how to handle this situation best. Fortunately my job is safe - at least for now - and theres a lot of work to do, so that's something I don't need to worry about for now and I'm incredibly thankful for that, especially considering that I was planning on moving to Norway by the end of the year.
Anyway, since I started dating a girl literally one week before the shutdown I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch. I mean theres not much to talk about right now since most days are usually the same. And I believe that most people are usualy busy with themselves, worrying about their future/jobs/etc. , etc. So I believe theres a thin line between beeing annoying and caring when you're trying to stay in touch.
So far I did a good mix of voice-messages, phonecalls and texting so we had contact maybe once or twice a week which was fine. As of yesterday I'm not so sure anymore, I called her in the evening but she was really tired and there wasn't much to talk about so I ended the call after a couple of minutes. Makes think it might be best to reduce communication even further.
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So how is your love-life going in the current situation?
Pretty bad. Broke things off with my friend and fuckbuddy. Got on tinder now, but sooo many are just looking for attention on tinder these days.
How do you deal with the isolation (in case you're in quarantine)?
I just stay at home. Started my own company where I work as freelance consultant and managed to get a job as corona got really bad thank god.
How do you stay in touch with your dates?
Haven't been on any for like a year now.
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On April 02 2020 00:27 bloodwhore~ wrote:Pretty bad. Broke things off with my friend and fuckbuddy. Got on tinder now, but sooo many are just looking for attention on tinder these days.
Yea that's my experience as well, lots and lots of IG profiles. I mean it's not like I was expecting much from an app like this but that's just trash.
I got a couple of matches before Corona but apparently I live in a region where the average distance to the girls is around ~50 Km.
On April 02 2020 00:27 bloodwhore~ wrote:I just stay at home. Started my own company where I work as freelance consultant and managed to get a job as corona got really bad thank god.
Sounds good  I think it's important to appreciate everything you have right now.
On April 02 2020 00:27 bloodwhore~ wrote:Haven't been on any for like a year now.
Haven't been on any dates in 2019, didn't hurt though since I was busy with my new job.
On another note: In case I won't/can't use my holidays this year to travel somwhere I'm planning on spending the money on a hair transplantation. At first I didn't care about losing my hair but after three years it really starts to show and while I used to trim my hair to around 1mm in the past year or so it really starts to affect my confidence.
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On April 01 2020 21:27 JoeCool wrote:
So how is your love-life going in the current situation?
How do you deal with the isolation (in case you're in quarantine)?
How do you stay in touch with your dates?
I'm still figuring how to handle this situation best. Fortunately my job is safe - at least for now - and theres a lot of work to do, so that's something I don't need to worry about for now and I'm incredibly thankful for that, especially considering that I was planning on moving to Norway by the end of the year.
Anyway, since I started dating a girl literally one week before the shutdown I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch. I mean theres not much to talk about right now since most days are usually the same. And I believe that most people are usualy busy with themselves, worrying about their future/jobs/etc. , etc. So I believe theres a thin line between beeing annoying and caring when you're trying to stay in touch.
So far I did a good mix of voice-messages, phonecalls and texting so we had contact maybe once or twice a week which was fine. As of yesterday I'm not so sure anymore, I called her in the evening but she was really tired and there wasn't much to talk about so I ended the call after a couple of minutes. Makes think it might be best to reduce communication even further.
It is a bit of a different situation for me since my girl and I are exclusively dating for a while now(long distance most of the time) but we keep communication light and humorous for the most time. I mean everywhere you go it's just corona here, covid there so you don't wanna be reminded by your "lover" all the time as well.
Also we do a lot of sexual innuendos, a bit of sexting and some sexy but not nude pics
To the hair plantation: I have no experience with that whatsoever but I think if you have a decent beard game, you really don't need that much top hair IMO
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Northern Ireland26221 Posts
On March 21 2020 09:47 Fyodor wrote:Show nested quote +On March 15 2020 05:09 Wombat_NI wrote:
Sigh what luck?
I’m 30, had serious medical issues on account of being bipolar and am seriously underemployed by account of this. Also have a youngling which is a thing.
I used to do fine with women, I’m not too bad looking, quite conversational and confident and have a broad range of interests, I’m still me in that sense. I just don’t meet people organically due to my routine and online dating has been a fucking disaster, and a very dispiriting one at that.
I’m not willing to lie about things to anyone but after the seeming umpteenth time things seemed to be going well until I revealed I was bipolar and a ‘I’m not sure I can deal with that’ I don’t know.
Figured I’d take a break from the rather brutal endeavour of the online world, look into taking some classes of things I’m already interested in and join some clubs and stuff but now so much stuff is just shutting down. Not just to meet women but reconnect with some hobbies like music and writing I’m semi-proficient at, but it seems lockdown approaches.
I’m mostly venting than seeking any particular advice, it’s rather frustrating for me. Although advice is of course appreciated.
Be up front about being bipolar. You will go on less dates but you will skip those girls that don't wanna date a bipolar at all.
In theory aye, but too early can be a bit too much information too soon? Had an experience with a girl who talked all about her bad experiences with exes way too much on a first date before and it definitely put me off that one. But if we were a bit further down the line would have been fine for me. I generally tend to openness when I can.
I mean I have a good friend who I told like second date and it wasn’t an issue at all, her coming just out of an 8 year relationship was the thing there.
Not a great time for dating these days anyway! But my general life confidence is coming back and getting various other stuff in place, school place is assured for next year if I can get the cash and that’s been a big ambition.
So hopefully if things settle down with corona I can go with my original summer plan of doing new things and meeting new people.
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On March 15 2020 05:09 Wombat_NI wrote:
Sigh what luck?
I’m 30, had serious medical issues on account of being bipolar and am seriously underemployed by account of this. Also have a youngling which is a thing.
I used to do fine with women, I’m not too bad looking, quite conversational and confident and have a broad range of interests, I’m still me in that sense. I just don’t meet people organically due to my routine and online dating has been a fucking disaster, and a very dispiriting one at that.
I’m not willing to lie about things to anyone but after the seeming umpteenth time things seemed to be going well until I revealed I was bipolar and a ‘I’m not sure I can deal with that’ I don’t know.
Figured I’d take a break from the rather brutal endeavour of the online world, look into taking some classes of things I’m already interested in and join some clubs and stuff but now so much stuff is just shutting down. Not just to meet women but reconnect with some hobbies like music and writing I’m semi-proficient at, but it seems lockdown approaches.
I’m mostly venting than seeking any particular advice, it’s rather frustrating for me. Although advice is of course appreciated.
I have Crohns disease. I usually bust that one out on the first date. The really good ones don't blink an eye on that. Good luck!
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On April 03 2020 20:49 Harris1st wrote:Show nested quote +On April 01 2020 21:27 JoeCool wrote:
So how is your love-life going in the current situation?
How do you deal with the isolation (in case you're in quarantine)?
How do you stay in touch with your dates?
I'm still figuring how to handle this situation best. Fortunately my job is safe - at least for now - and theres a lot of work to do, so that's something I don't need to worry about for now and I'm incredibly thankful for that, especially considering that I was planning on moving to Norway by the end of the year.
Anyway, since I started dating a girl literally one week before the shutdown I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch. I mean theres not much to talk about right now since most days are usually the same. And I believe that most people are usualy busy with themselves, worrying about their future/jobs/etc. , etc. So I believe theres a thin line between beeing annoying and caring when you're trying to stay in touch.
So far I did a good mix of voice-messages, phonecalls and texting so we had contact maybe once or twice a week which was fine. As of yesterday I'm not so sure anymore, I called her in the evening but she was really tired and there wasn't much to talk about so I ended the call after a couple of minutes. Makes think it might be best to reduce communication even further.
It is a bit of a different situation for me since my girl and I are exclusively dating for a while now(long distance most of the time) but we keep communication light and humorous for the most time. I mean everywhere you go it's just corona here, covid there so you don't wanna be reminded by your "lover" all the time as well.
Good point!
I'm not sure because on hand I believe that talking about Corna while it's on the news 24/7 is not that great, like you already mentioned. On the other hand, I'm showing empathy by asking my friends/dates/whoever how things are going for them. And some of them might want to talk about their situation while others may not.
Plus, since things are going really well for me right now (jobwise) and my "social circle" (pretty small one tbh) knows about this, I need to chose my words wisely. Simply because it's easy for me to say things like "It'll be better in the future..." or "Stay positve..." while their lives could become a dumpster fire.
On April 03 2020 20:49 Harris1st wrote:Show nested quote +On April 01 2020 21:27 JoeCool wrote:
So how is your love-life going in the current situation?
How do you deal with the isolation (in case you're in quarantine)?
How do you stay in touch with your dates?
I'm still figuring how to handle this situation best. Fortunately my job is safe - at least for now - and theres a lot of work to do, so that's something I don't need to worry about for now and I'm incredibly thankful for that, especially considering that I was planning on moving to Norway by the end of the year.
Anyway, since I started dating a girl literally one week before the shutdown I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch. I mean theres not much to talk about right now since most days are usually the same. And I believe that most people are usualy busy with themselves, worrying about their future/jobs/etc. , etc. So I believe theres a thin line between beeing annoying and caring when you're trying to stay in touch.
So far I did a good mix of voice-messages, phonecalls and texting so we had contact maybe once or twice a week which was fine. As of yesterday I'm not so sure anymore, I called her in the evening but she was really tired and there wasn't much to talk about so I ended the call after a couple of minutes. Makes think it might be best to reduce communication even further.
To the hair plantation: I have no experience with that whatsoever but I think if you have a decent beard game, you really don't need that much top hair IMO
It's more of a personal taste/feeling. I've had my hair in Statham style for quite some time now and I like but I'd like to have the choice to wear them longer like I used to in my 20s.
Also: It boosts my confidence, since dating was easier when I had my hair :D
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Northern Ireland26221 Posts
On April 05 2020 16:48 dankobanana wrote:Show nested quote +On March 15 2020 05:09 Wombat_NI wrote:
Sigh what luck?
I’m 30, had serious medical issues on account of being bipolar and am seriously underemployed by account of this. Also have a youngling which is a thing.
I used to do fine with women, I’m not too bad looking, quite conversational and confident and have a broad range of interests, I’m still me in that sense. I just don’t meet people organically due to my routine and online dating has been a fucking disaster, and a very dispiriting one at that.
I’m not willing to lie about things to anyone but after the seeming umpteenth time things seemed to be going well until I revealed I was bipolar and a ‘I’m not sure I can deal with that’ I don’t know.
Figured I’d take a break from the rather brutal endeavour of the online world, look into taking some classes of things I’m already interested in and join some clubs and stuff but now so much stuff is just shutting down. Not just to meet women but reconnect with some hobbies like music and writing I’m semi-proficient at, but it seems lockdown approaches.
I’m mostly venting than seeking any particular advice, it’s rather frustrating for me. Although advice is of course appreciated.
I have Crohns disease. I usually bust that one out on the first date. The really good ones don't blink an eye on that. Good luck!
Thanks man you too! Well, when normality resumes and dating is actually vaguely possible. Actually life shutting down came at a decent time for me just in terms of focusing, basically been working non-stop and getting a few long-standing projects in order, so I’m kinda better placed and feeling better now to get myself out there.
Kinda hard especially with how my brain can work to try and do everything at once so this has artificially kinda helped me segment things better. Although I do bloody miss seeing friends at the pub and games nights!
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Northern Ireland26221 Posts
On April 06 2020 05:39 JoeCool wrote:Show nested quote +On April 03 2020 20:49 Harris1st wrote:On April 01 2020 21:27 JoeCool wrote:
So how is your love-life going in the current situation?
How do you deal with the isolation (in case you're in quarantine)?
How do you stay in touch with your dates?
I'm still figuring how to handle this situation best. Fortunately my job is safe - at least for now - and theres a lot of work to do, so that's something I don't need to worry about for now and I'm incredibly thankful for that, especially considering that I was planning on moving to Norway by the end of the year.
Anyway, since I started dating a girl literally one week before the shutdown I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch. I mean theres not much to talk about right now since most days are usually the same. And I believe that most people are usualy busy with themselves, worrying about their future/jobs/etc. , etc. So I believe theres a thin line between beeing annoying and caring when you're trying to stay in touch.
So far I did a good mix of voice-messages, phonecalls and texting so we had contact maybe once or twice a week which was fine. As of yesterday I'm not so sure anymore, I called her in the evening but she was really tired and there wasn't much to talk about so I ended the call after a couple of minutes. Makes think it might be best to reduce communication even further.
It is a bit of a different situation for me since my girl and I are exclusively dating for a while now(long distance most of the time) but we keep communication light and humorous for the most time. I mean everywhere you go it's just corona here, covid there so you don't wanna be reminded by your "lover" all the time as well. Good point! I'm not sure because on hand I believe that talking about Corna while it's on the news 24/7 is not that great, like you already mentioned. On the other hand, I'm showing empathy by asking my friends/dates/whoever how things are going for them. And some of them might want to talk about their situation while others may not. Plus, since things are going really well for me right now (jobwise) and my "social circle" (pretty small one tbh) knows about this, I need to chose my words wisely. Simply because it's easy for me to say things like "It'll be better in the future..." or "Stay positve..." while their lives could become a dumpster fire. Show nested quote +On April 03 2020 20:49 Harris1st wrote:On April 01 2020 21:27 JoeCool wrote:
So how is your love-life going in the current situation?
How do you deal with the isolation (in case you're in quarantine)?
How do you stay in touch with your dates?
I'm still figuring how to handle this situation best. Fortunately my job is safe - at least for now - and theres a lot of work to do, so that's something I don't need to worry about for now and I'm incredibly thankful for that, especially considering that I was planning on moving to Norway by the end of the year.
Anyway, since I started dating a girl literally one week before the shutdown I'm still trying to figure out how to stay in touch. I mean theres not much to talk about right now since most days are usually the same. And I believe that most people are usualy busy with themselves, worrying about their future/jobs/etc. , etc. So I believe theres a thin line between beeing annoying and caring when you're trying to stay in touch.
So far I did a good mix of voice-messages, phonecalls and texting so we had contact maybe once or twice a week which was fine. As of yesterday I'm not so sure anymore, I called her in the evening but she was really tired and there wasn't much to talk about so I ended the call after a couple of minutes. Makes think it might be best to reduce communication even further.
To the hair plantation: I have no experience with that whatsoever but I think if you have a decent beard game, you really don't need that much top hair IMO It's more of a personal taste/feeling. I've had my hair in Statham style for quite some time now and I like but I'd like to have the choice to wear them longer like I used to in my 20s. Also: It boosts my confidence, since dating was easier when I had my hair :D
Yeah it’s weird at the minute and I’m not sure what to do generally. I basically have only bothered talking to my best friend for the last 10 days or so, found it difficult to navigate. I’m basically working in retail between 10-12 hours a day at the minute and am not anxious at all. My ex is and she has her own anxiety issues so I’m not seeing the kiddo atm so it’s a bit annoying trying to keep upbeat and having to listen to others and their issues, not because I’m not sympathetic but I’m trying to keep my own mind off things.
On the hair stuff, more on the potential dating end, also a confusing time. It’s starting to become a fucking mess and I think it’s finally started thinning, being identical to my dad I have the future progression kind of mapped out.
My hair just starts going mental beyond a certain length and the barbers are all shut over here and god knows when they’ll be back and I’m at a loss on how to cut my own hair. Tempted to just shave it but my beard game is not good and I’m not sure going Dr Evil is a good idea
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On April 11 2020 15:16 annajamey wrote:
Anyone wanna try out threesome?
yeah. I'm having ice cream with chocolate chips sprinkled on it. double trouble
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So how is everyone doing? Any new dates? Anyone who has recently broken up?
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Northern Ireland26221 Posts
On June 07 2020 05:23 bloodwhore~ wrote:
So how is everyone doing? Any new dates? Anyone who has recently broken up?
Slightly improved, have a second date tomorrow. Had to wait 8 weeks for the first as she was very anxious about the pandemic but worked out well as we got to know each other pretty well. Hung out a park for 5 hours and weren’t short on conversation.
Gave me a wee present on our first date of the Protoss symbol as a wood burning which was cool. We’d discussed tattoos and I said if I ever got one it would be that, she didn’t know it was my SC race or even that it was from Starcraft but made it extra cool.
Nice change to the pre-lockdown days anyway!
We seem much more compatible than my previous dating history of the past few years and the stuff that puts others off (namely my really surreal and childlike sense of whimsy) is the specific thing she likes about me.
Hope my fellow bros and ladies on TL are doing ok
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recently got a gf after 2 years being single. have to be on long distance due to corona but we actually started the relationship due to corona so ill take it.
at least now i get to say there was a plus side to covid for me personally
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Man, I'm about to give up on this dating shit and go MGTOW without the misogyny.
About year ago a two year relationship ended because I didn't want to have kids. I must have met and slept with fifteen different girls from -8 to +5 years of me (I'm thirty now) and either it fizzles out or we get to the point where we discuss children and my attitute towards making babies in 2020 leads to me being dumped.
Now I haven't been laid in a couple of weeks and I'm thinking of going celibate altogether. I don't do badly with women, but I haven't met anyone offline in like ten years, and online dating is increasingly terrible. Tinder is still the least bad of all the options, but it's also getting worse by the day.
Not sure what to do. Honestly I'd rather just make new guy friends and give sex a rest for a year or so.
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On June 07 2020 10:02 Wombat_NI wrote:
Slightly improved, have a second date tomorrow.
Nice! Good luck
On June 07 2020 23:31 evilfatsh1t wrote:
recently got a gf after 2 years being single. have to be on long distance due to corona but we actually started the relationship due to corona so ill take it.
at least now i get to say there was a plus side to covid for me personally
Sweet, how far away is she?
On June 08 2020 00:03 grack-fields-420 wrote:
Man, I'm about to give up on this dating shit and go MGTOW without the misogyny.
About year ago a two year relationship ended because I didn't want to have kids. I must have met and slept with fifteen different girls from -8 to +5 years of me (I'm thirty now) and either it fizzles out or we get to the point where we discuss children and my attitute towards making babies in 2020 leads to me being dumped.
Now I haven't been laid in a couple of weeks and I'm thinking of going celibate altogether. I don't do badly with women, but I haven't met anyone offline in like ten years, and online dating is increasingly terrible. Tinder is still the least bad of all the options, but it's also getting worse by the day.
Not sure what to do. Honestly I'd rather just make new guy friends and give sex a rest for a year or so.
My advice would be to REALLY forward with it. Like write it in your tinder profile. Otherwise you will have to do the filtering after you already met.
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EPT
