EPTwont see her for at least a few months though, maybe more depending on how travel restrictions are eased. she was allowed out of the country but she isnt allowed in
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 1061
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8805 Posts
wont see her for at least a few months though, maybe more depending on how travel restrictions are eased. she was allowed out of the country but she isnt allowed in | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26244 Posts
On June 08 2020 00:03 grack-fields-420 wrote: Man, I'm about to give up on this dating shit and go MGTOW without the misogyny. About year ago a two year relationship ended because I didn't want to have kids. I must have met and slept with fifteen different girls from -8 to +5 years of me (I'm thirty now) and either it fizzles out or we get to the point where we discuss children and my attitute towards making babies in 2020 leads to me being dumped. Now I haven't been laid in a couple of weeks and I'm thinking of going celibate altogether. I don't do badly with women, but I haven't met anyone offline in like ten years, and online dating is increasingly terrible. Tinder is still the least bad of all the options, but it's also getting worse by the day. Not sure what to do. Honestly I'd rather just make new guy friends and give sex a rest for a year or so. Take a break, do other things that make you happy if necessary, take some time for yourself. Was my plan for the summer and taking up new hobbies, Covid really put a spanner into the works. Modern dating absolutely burns me out mentally so I take frequent time out, especially the online variety. Turns me into a neurotic mess. I have dated a few people who are still friends I see socially and most of them don’t actually want kids, I’m in the ‘I have a kid and am not sure I want any more because my mental health’ body myself. So they’re definitely out there. Best of luck anyway with whatever you decide to embark onZ | ||
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ThunderJunk
United States725 Posts
I amped up my education, got a new job, and then got an even better job. But, I definitely did feel lonely. I had a female friend who I kept up with on Instagram. I know this is gonna sound kind of pathetic, but pretending to be in a relationship with her made being alone a lot easier. She kind of played into it too, but I did know that she was dating other people. Nonetheless, she's been there for me - from incomplete scrub addicted to weed and pornography to fairly complete non-scrub almost completely free from addiction (but still with additional time needed to prove it true... and she's almost 34. Not a lot of time to spend waiting.) When I got my current job, I visited her on the other side of the country in New York. We hung out for a solid 12 hours before she went home with some other dude. That guy didn't make it to a 3rd date. But ... Well, she's dating people all over the place and is definitely getting it from richer, more successful, more proven guys. We're legitimately still friends - and I do think she wants what's best for me. I can probably use her network for an even better job in the future. I don't really know what else to do about that besides keep on my positive trajectory, and open myself up to something more realistic. Otherwise though... Women are being okay. I'm just trying to not expect too much from them and mostly make sure I'm doing things right on my end. I'd rather have several "just friends" women who legitimately have my back than 1 woman who pretends to like me for my money. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
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Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
On June 12 2020 07:53 NewSunshine wrote: It's not the worst thing to take some time for yourself, and think about what you even want from a relationship. Also it's generally good not to despair at the notion of just making friends with women, instead of trying to date them. Making friends is good, and the school of thought that you shouldn't make friends with your prospective partners first has been total BS in my experience. The friend zone is a myth. If a genuine relationship isn't in the cards, then yeah, you're only gonna end up as friends if anything, but every great relationship I've seen, including the one I'm in, started out as good friends first. Lean into that, and just focus on being someone who feels good about themselves independent of dating success. It pays off. I agree with everything you said except friend zone being a myth. At some point semi early on you should make it clear that you want to go on a date. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26244 Posts
On June 12 2020 09:20 Titusmaster6 wrote: I agree with everything you said except friend zone being a myth. At some point semi early on you should make it clear that you want to go on a date. It’s largely a myth. Occasionally some narrow windows are missed but if someone considers you a friend you’re a friend, you’re not ‘friendzoned’ Wish me luck TLers date number 3 approaches, she’s taking me out in the car for a mystery date so quite intrigued Things be going well there really, been 5 years since I had anything proper so not counting my chickens yet but seems promising | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
You're basically just a chicken if you think you got stuck in the friendzone. | ||
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Harris1st
Germany7075 Posts
On June 12 2020 12:09 Wombat_NI wrote: It’s largely a myth. Occasionally some narrow windows are missed but if someone considers you a friend you’re a friend, you’re not ‘friendzoned’ Wish me luck TLers date number 3 approaches, she’s taking me out in the car for a mystery date so quite intrigued Things be going well there really, been 5 years since I had anything proper so not counting my chickens yet but seems promising Aaaaaaaaaaaaand? The suspension is killing me! How did it go? What did you do? What was the mystery? To me: Still (little over a year now) in a long distance (~300km, 2,5h drive) relationship which is almost a perfect setup for me. On weekdays I can do whatever I want (Starcraft <3 ) and on weekends we do it like rabbits. We see each other on 3 out 4 weekends. A bit afraid of the next steps like moving in together. Hope it will not crash and burn then, but I have a good feeling about it. Haven't decided where to move cause of different preferences (city size, locations, ...) and jobs ofc, so that is going to be a tough one but I think we'll find somewhere where we both can be happy  | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26244 Posts
On June 19 2020 21:41 Harris1st wrote: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand? The suspension is killing me! How did it go? What did you do? What was the mystery? To me: Still (little over a year now) in a long distance (~300km, 2,5h drive) relationship which is almost a perfect setup for me. On weekdays I can do whatever I want (Starcraft <3 ) and on weekends we do it like rabbits. We see each other on 3 out 4 weekends. A bit afraid of the next steps like moving in together. Hope it will not crash and burn then, but I have a good feeling about it. Haven't decided where to move cause of different preferences (city size, locations, ...) and jobs ofc, so that is going to be a tough one but I think we'll find somewhere where we both can be happy Well she had a bunch of locations in a bag and I had to pick and we went a few lovely spots. One was a mountain and until we started dating she hadn’t been out of the house for 2 months so she couldn’t actually manage it, which I’ve been good-naturedly ribbing her for ever since. She also gave me a pen inscribed with ‘Wombat’s very special pen, do not steal’ based on an anecdote I told about lending a pen to someone in a bar, who lost it and who then said ‘it’s only a pen’, my response being ‘but it was my pen I get to decide’. Basically my peak Larry David moment so that was cute. Things are going abnormally well which is nice, although I’m not used to it. I’m quite fond of myself but my luck isn’t exactly great. Literally was just drunk and angry and thought fuck it I’m bored reinstalled Tinder and we got on great. We also had like a 2 month chatting phase prior to meeting. So like she’s ok with the ‘i was in psychiatric hospital’ and ‘I have a kid’ (she loves the kiddos) and that I’m severely underemployed for my brain. Indeed she has a pretty damn decent job in software engineering which I’m going back to school for come September. Plus she has a load of weird and cool hobbies that I don’t share but enjoy learning about, I don’t really like being too similar to someone. Feels very strange, like I’d hypothesised a sort of ideal partner and figured I’d have to settle for something but she ticks so many boxes. Hell my friend’s/mother’s advice verbatim was the same before the first date, ‘you’re pretty intense’ but she actively seems to like that weird part of me. Sounds like a fine setup you have yourself man! | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8805 Posts
On June 19 2020 21:41 Harris1st wrote: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand? The suspension is killing me! How did it go? What did you do? What was the mystery? To me: Still (little over a year now) in a long distance (~300km, 2,5h drive) relationship which is almost a perfect setup for me. On weekdays I can do whatever I want (Starcraft <3 ) and on weekends we do it like rabbits. We see each other on 3 out 4 weekends. A bit afraid of the next steps like moving in together. Hope it will not crash and burn then, but I have a good feeling about it. Haven't decided where to move cause of different preferences (city size, locations, ...) and jobs ofc, so that is going to be a tough one but I think we'll find somewhere where we both can be happy youre living the dream. my long distance is ~8000km (10hr flight). dont even have the chance to do it like turtles | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
On June 07 2020 05:23 bloodwhore~ wrote: So how is everyone doing? Any new dates? Anyone who has recently broken up? Nothing new, I don't even know where to pick up women ... I've been living here for little more than one year and still didn't manage to make friends. I mean I have a couple of buddies for my hobbies but nothing compared to a couple of years ago where I used to hang out with 14+ people every weekend during summer. I tried Tinder for a couple of months but absolutely nothing came of it. Although I gotta admit that I didn't try very hard, On the bright side, I found an enormous amount of joy in climbing/via ferrata. I had an amazing weekend with a friend of mine in Schwangau (Neuschwanstein) where we went climbing and kayaking for two days. And it turns out that there are also quite a few girls, most of them with their SO but still... Other than that I'm still learning Norwegian (making progress), going to the gym, painting my minatures and drive my motorbike. | ||
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dmnum
Brazil6910 Posts
However, it's always me who initiates the conversations. She's very talkative once we get going and seems willing to talk for hours(I always finish the conversations because I have to do something else), but she never initiates the texting. I tried to give her a hint by recommending a tv show (she recommended me one before and we talked a bit about it) and telling her give me her thoughts but, so far, nothing. It's making me anxious. In a normal situation I'd just ask her out and if she said no or tried to reschedule more than once or twice, I'd move on. But right now I can't do that and the doubt is killing me. Thoughts? Edit: In limbo is exactly how I feel. Guess I'll keep at it and see what happens. Thanks for the help, Wombat. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26244 Posts
On July 01 2020 09:23 dmnum wrote: Anyone having trouble dealing from anxiety from being unable to ask a girl out because of the quarantine? I matched this girl a couple of days ago on Tinder and we seemed to click instantly. We texted a lot, but since we live in the center of the epidemic there's no way we're going out anytime soon. We talked briefly about going out once the epidemic is under control but nothing too concrete. However, it's always me who initiates the conversations. She's very talkative once we get going and seems willing to talk for hours(I always finish the conversations because I have to do something else), but she never initiates the texting. I tried to give her a hint by recommending a tv show (she recommended me one before and we talked a bit about it) and telling her give me her thoughts but, so far, nothing. It's making me anxious. In a normal situation I'd just ask her out and if she said no or tried to reschedule more than once or twice, I'd move on. But right now I can't do that and the doubt is killing me. Thoughts? Keep at it man, I had two months where it was always me initiating conversations but that always flowed really well when they got going. Our meeting plans were similarly vague because of the epidemic. But when we met up it was great, much less awkward because we’d talked a whole ton and stuff. By far my most pleasant first date because of that, which was a nice silver lining of the pandemic if nothing else. I was similarly anxious until we met and about having to initiate conversations, specifically because we couldn’t really move beyond the Tinder/IM introductory phase for ages. Felt a bit in limbo between the stage you usually just introduce yourself and vaguely get to know each other, and seeing if you have chemistry in person. If you like the girl and there haven’t been like, notably negative things coming from her that you’ve picked up on, keep at it. The pandemic has rather distorted things. My date hadn’t left the house in 2 months outside of one visit to see her family and a walk with a friend the day before she first met me in person. People’s attitudes are really different, based on my friend group they vary from rather chill (like myself, but that’s because I’ve been working since day 1 out with the public), to barely leaving the house because of corona anxiety. I’m not exactly an expert in such realms, but if there’s a spark you’re feeling keep at it. She may be worried AF about corona, or she may be having to deal with other people’s shit a lot, or any number of things. As an open bipolar guy who’s been open about being in psychiatric hospital I got a LOT of people looking advice on keeping their mental health up under lockdown, which tbh overwhelmed me quite a bit. Or some people have family to worry about etc. Hope this helps and best of luck | ||
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ZaneArc
4 Posts
Well, to put it simply, I have always been called attractive all my life, but the fact is, I can never motivate myself to find a girl. I've tried Tinder and I don't have a lot of problems getting matches, however, I can never get interested enough to start a conversation with everyone and I end up starting conversation only with the ones that I find quite attractive, but soon I get bored and lose interest. Yes, I am a virgin, although no one knows and everyone thinks I have sex with a lot of women for some reason. I believe that I am too proud and afraid to connect with someone. In childhood, several girls advanced on me, so I managed to kiss here, another there, but never more than that. There were even times when girls said they loved me, and I couldn't say anything. But the question is: I am an extrovert, I talk a lot and I reach women without any problems, but it seems that there is something holding me back and I believe there is some insecurity about my height. I'm 5'5 tall, and even though I have an athletic body (training since the beginning of 2018) and an attractive face, I can't seem to encourage myself to try something with any girl. I'm extremely perfectionist in everything, and that's why I always try to dress in the best way possible, be a guy close to perfection, and maybe that's why I'm ashamed of never having sex and I'm afraid of ruining everything my first time and not to be able to look in the mirror later. Does anyone have any honest tips or any way to help me? I really want to improve. | ||
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Simberto
Germany11746 Posts
If you don't want to get a girlfriend, and don't think that having sex is important to you, then don't. Do what is important to you. If you don't feel attracted to anyone, then don't. It's your life. You don't need to press yourself into some mold that you think you should fit in. Asexuality is a thing, and it is totally fine. You might also consider if you are more interested in sex with people who are not woman. Also nothing wrong with that. And on the other hand, everyone is bad at sex when they first try it. So don't worry about that. | ||
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ZaneArc
4 Posts
On July 01 2020 16:00 Simberto wrote: My first advice would be to not care about societal pressure. If you don't want to get a girlfriend, and don't think that having sex is important to you, then don't. Do what is important to you. If you don't feel attracted to anyone, then don't. It's your life. You don't need to press yourself into some mold that you think you should fit in. Asexuality is a thing, and it is totally fine. You might also consider if you are more interested in sex with people who are not woman. Also nothing wrong with that. And on the other hand, everyone is bad at sex when they first try it. So don't worry about that. Thanks for the quick response. About your words, no, I’m not interested in anything but women and it’s not just a matter of pressure from society. I really want to have something with a woman, I feel like I’m wasting too much time in my life focusing only on myself and not connecting with women. I have a relatively high libido and It makes me crazy sometimes so I don't consider asexuality an option. I will be very grateful if you have any other suggestions. | ||
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Harris1st
Germany7075 Posts
- Maybe you haven't meet a girl that is interesting to you yet - Maybe you are very selfcentered and other people are boring for you in general. This is not meant as an insult, as this can be very subconscious. Different people are different and all. I think there are ways to work on that but I don't know one of the top of my head. Or a you blocking on purpose/ subconscious? - You have to get comfortable with yourself first - Get a drink (or 3) to loosen up. Alcohol has a way of getting people laid - Just go out there and try. Who never tries has already lost ( Cheesy but true ) Don't pressure yourself too much. You are still young You can start worrying if you are 31 and still haven't dated anyone | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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ZaneArc
4 Posts
On July 01 2020 20:35 Harris1st wrote: I'm not sure what the problem may be. You say you don't have problems with talking to women in general but have trouble staying interested? - Maybe you haven't meet a girl that is interesting to you yet - Maybe you are very selfcentered and other people are boring for you in general. This is not meant as an insult, as this can be very subconscious. Different people are different and all. I think there are ways to work on that but I don't know one of the top of my head. Or a you blocking on purpose/ subconscious? - You have to get comfortable with yourself first - Get a drink (or 3) to loosen up. Alcohol has a way of getting people laid - Just go out there and try. Who never tries has already lost ( Cheesy but true ) Don't pressure yourself too much. You are still young You can start worrying if you are 31 and still haven't dated anyone Even though I am outgoing, I find it difficult to find people I find interesting. So much so, that generally in social situations I almost always have to take the lead to make things fun. Your tips were very good, I really lack the initiative to try a deeper relationship, I feel that I am really sabotaging myself by not insisting anymore, and this has always been something present in my life, the fact of giving up things quickly that I did not insist on enough. Thank you very much for the words, I managed to see some aspects that I had not seen before. I'll try to put it into practice! | ||
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ZaneArc
4 Posts
On July 01 2020 23:25 WarSame wrote: Do you watch a lot of porn? I think that can make a lot of people complacent in their love lives since they have easy Os. That was a great point. Whenever I feel a need, I go straight to pornography because I find it much simpler than investing time in a person who could end up in nothing. Should I decrease then? I'll try! Thanks! | ||
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