EPTLike it makes me just think and get emo when I know that I can have strong feelings and lose it just as easily as I developed them. Just feeling weird rn, wanted to share.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 1031
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Emnjay808
United States10666 Posts
Like it makes me just think and get emo when I know that I can have strong feelings and lose it just as easily as I developed them. Just feeling weird rn, wanted to share. | ||
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pebble444
Italy2503 Posts
this is how I feel: + Show Spoiler + very happy; today before the date I was very scared and concerned, this date was something completely new to me. We spoke for two months mostly thought messages, before we ever had a chance to meet, since at the time we started to speak we where living more than 1000 km apart. The idea of actually meeting her scared me but I went through with it, and it was the best decision ever. I have to say I am now a fan of taking things slowly. We did not even kiss, but we created a connection. At first, it was hard at the beginning during dinner to interact and after when we had a drink; however when she dropped me home we started to have a conversation about whether or not vaccines are useful and whether the Italian government did right on making it mandatory for kids attending school. Somehow our disagreement is what really broke the ice. In past relationships and dating I would jump into it head first, and I would never allow myself to take the time to get to know someone before we actually got into bed. Now however I see how more mature, intelligent and interesting it is to (maybe its cause I' m 30 now) to get to know someone before having any kind of physical contact. Big revelation right here, wanted to share | ||
IgnE
United States7684 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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Excludos
Norway8281 Posts
On November 20 2018 08:27 IgnE wrote: i dont really see why people think that two otherwise compatible people ruin their compatibility if they have sex too fast In Scandinavian culture it's more common for people to have sex first and then decide if they want to try to date after. While it's a bit backwards, sex compatibility is very important in a relationship, so it's not entierly stupid either. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On November 15 2018 17:21 Emnjay808 wrote: Anyone get depressed on how you can have such strong feelings for someone (to the point of thinking that youll spend the rest of your life with them) but eventually as time passes you dont feel anything anymore? Like its just a slow, gradual decline of losing that feeling--whether you guys are still together or after you guys split up. Like it makes me just think and get emo when I know that I can have strong feelings and lose it just as easily as I developed them. Just feeling weird rn, wanted to share. I can say from my own experience that it doesnt have to be like that, or at least I got annecdotal evidence that you can make it past ~6 years without that happening. You have to put in some work for it though, remembering yourself of the little things you enjoy so they wont become just normal and all that. As long as you actively keep working on the relationship it seems avoidable. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On November 20 2018 11:42 WarSame wrote: Personally I think it gives you more time to consider the personality of the person you're with as a match vs. having that clouded by physical sensation, but it depends on who you are as a person greatly. Yeah this, if you put off sex you're pretty much admitting to yourself you have weak self-control. And either tend commit too soon or change your behaviour once you are having it with the person. EDIT: I'm talking when you actually feel it's right for you, she's ready yet you purposefully put it off | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On November 21 2018 21:20 LemOn wrote: Yeah this, if you put off sex you're pretty much admitting to yourself you have weak self-control. EDIT: I'm talking when you actually feel it's right for you, she's ready yet you purposefully put it off A very interesting take on the whole "admitting to yourself you have weak self-control" thing. Like seriously? Ofc it sounds weird if both parties are ready to rumble and still put it off, but saying this is weak self control sounds very counterintuitive to me. Care to elaborate? | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
It's not easy to act completely rationally in assessing the person after the the changes in your brain chemistry sex induces happen. I can see someone putting it off if they know they have a history of commiting to the wrong people making sense for example. | ||
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Harris1st
Germany7439 Posts
On November 21 2018 21:20 LemOn wrote: Yeah this, if you put off sex you're pretty much admitting to yourself you have weak self-control. And either tend commit too soon or change your behaviour once you are having it with the person. EDIT: I'm talking when you actually feel it's right for you, she's ready yet you purposefully put it off Wait what? If I don't sleep with someone I have weak self-control? Because I've been under the impression it is the other way around? Or I just completly misunderstood your point. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
Unsure whether that is what has been refered to though. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On November 22 2018 00:27 Harris1st wrote: Wait what? If I don't sleep with someone I have weak self-control? Because I've been under the impression it is the other way around? Or I just completly misunderstood your point. You'd have enough self-control to not sleep with a person you're not sure of yet rationally when you know when you get laid you get unhinged and fall for people pretty quickly and rational thought goes out of the window. I'm really confident in myself now actually, pretty sure after the last few months of working on myself and being a complete person on my own my ruthlessness and rational evaluation will be strong even with strong feelings. But e.g. in the past I used to get around this by simply dating multiple women at the same time, because it was hard for me to rationally assess one if she'd be the only one I was seeing. And then when I did pick one to commit to after a few months (my last girlfriend) it was very much rational based on her qualities as a person and overall compatibility and sex was just one of the factors I'm just saying the other way - actually delaying sleeping with them until you're sure about the other factors could make sense as it's easier to focus on them (when it's your choice to delay it). I find dating multiple women, or just become a strong person with strong willpower just more fun overall though  | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8940 Posts
On November 22 2018 00:35 Artisreal wrote: Idk not having sex / masturbating and being "loaded" can very much cloud your judgement I think. Unsure whether that is what has been refered to though. this is a thing. always remember boys, if youre confused about whether or not you want to chase a girl, go have a wank and then think about it again | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Got a homework for my meetup tonight and need some inspiration  what are your topthings you're looking for in a partner ranked from no1 important to least important And top things you don't want them to have | ||
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Harris1st
Germany7439 Posts
On November 22 2018 22:15 LemOn wrote: Hey guys Got a homework for my meetup tonight and need some inspiration what are your topthings you're looking for in a partner ranked from no1 important to least important And top things you don't want them to have Looks or character? Looks for me the most important thing is a beautiful smile. This is way more important than ass /boobs whatever. Character wise I love when a girl picks up on sexual innuendos or does them herself. Some dark humour is always appreciated. I hate when they start bitchin, be it about coworkers, friends or whoever. I just hate this sort of drama Steady job and independance is a basic requirement, as well as a level of intelligence about equal or higher than mine. I got a thing for intelligent girls :D | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
List a ton, physical, character, traits - all together And then rank them one by one in terms of priority (very important as in practice nobody's perfect so you just look for the highest priorities) For both wants and turn offs All the things you can think off Then write a letter to that person as if you already knew her Then rank YOURSELF on the characteristics you listed for HER to see if you'd attract that person And either work on them or drop them from the list if you wouldn't | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On November 22 2018 22:15 LemOn wrote: Hey guys Got a homework for my meetup tonight and need some inspiration what are your topthings you're looking for in a partner ranked from no1 important to least important And top things you don't want them to have Top want for LTR: -Atractiveness -Common values -avoids unnecesary drama -overall sweetness and good future motherly traits -smarts Not want: -A feminist -a drama queen God my gf is awesome. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Got a detailed list, 10 for and 10 against sorted by priority,+ some extra danglers, will need to re-order them, spent like 1.5hrs on it. What's fun is when you just meet people you're naturally looking for the specific qualities in them, Ask questions that naturally lead towards finding out, and are more likely to take action when someone actually qualifies | ||
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Zambrah
United States7393 Posts
Personality wise Someone who has something they love passionately (in a more professional sense, either like a hobby, career, a cause, etc.) Someone who isnt too serious Tolerance/enjoyment of video games is up there. Enjoying going out and staying in in equalish parts. Physically Willing to exercise with me B or C cup, big boobs are a bit of a turn off for me But to be honest Im pretty flexible with anything if I jive with the person. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On November 22 2018 22:15 LemOn wrote: Hey guys Got a homework for my meetup tonight and need some inspiration what are your topthings you're looking for in a partner ranked from no1 important to least important And top things you don't want them to have Wants
Everything above the line is mandatory. If that's not clear and strong over at least a 6-12 month period, it's not going to happen for a committed relationship. Below the line are nice traits I like to have, but not mandatory. Negatives
Anything above the line is more or less a dealbreaker for a serious relationship. For a FWB situation or a casual dating relationship none of these are really dealbreakers, and in general it's not relevant because you don't experience those things in FWB situation. Anyway, that's what comes to mind off the top of my head. | ||
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