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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 29 2018 03:25 ThunderJunk wrote:
I, for one, think that it's sad that people value sex so much more highly than companionship, teamwork, and higher values. Relationships are about working together for a common good, be it family, hobbies, or business.
Disregarding the rest of your post, which is highly judgmental stuff based on nothing but your own feelings (and downright unhealthy), let's look just at this line.
I legitimately don't even know if that's true. Do they really? Sure, you get this a little from college aged dudes, in a culture that heavily encourages such a mindset. Even there, I still feel like 1/2 to 2/3 of college dudes value a relationship at least as much, if not more, than they value sex. Amongst those outside the college bubble, I certainly feel that the number of guys just hunting for sex or trying to become "gods" of seducing women are rather rare. Probably less than 1 in 10.
Granted, my experience is rather limited to my W.U.M.C. and college background, but I don't see that attitude much. Most of us find there to be plenty of things more or equally important to sex. Your post was a random tangent anyway, like what sparked that rant, did you just get done being out at the club watching some wanna be player asshole be a total douche to someone or what?
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On October 27 2018 13:46 Emnjay808 wrote:
What a complicated situation. I hope it turns out for you my dude!
On another note: girl at my workplace setting seems like she’s interested in me. She keeps looking over at me and walks in front of me quite frequently. Typically I’d have the confidence to make the first move and properly introduce myself and at least get on a “first names” basis with her, but I’m always sweaty and feel so icky. I know I need to make a move soon otherwise she’ll interpret my avoidance as being uninterested in her.
Progress: we spoke, though she did seem to avoid me as I tried to initiate a casual convo. Not sure what to make of that. Dunno if she’s shy or just busy working.
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On October 29 2018 03:56 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2018 03:25 ThunderJunk wrote:
I, for one, think that it's sad that people value sex so much more highly than companionship, teamwork, and higher values. Relationships are about working together for a common good, be it family, hobbies, or business.
Hollywood and popular media make it out to be that sex is the purpose of relationships. It also makes it seem like if you have more sex (often times with more partners), you're more successful. Nothing could be further from the truth.
If you need to have sex with someone to justify spending loving, attentive time with them, then that screams addictive behavior. Orgasms feel awesome, sure, but so does doing coke, smoking weed, and getting blasted at a bar.
If you need sex to justify being with someone, or if not having sex disqualifies you from spending time with them, or giving them special attention, that's totally similar to needing to smoke before going out to have a good time, or needing to drink to make socializing possible.
Too many people want to master the process of sexual seduction, but stop short before mastering their own sexuality.
How many people here have gone a whole year without ejaculating? Some people are successful in it. They made a choice to master their own impulses. I respect them a lot more than people who chase sex for sex's sake. how many people here have mastered themselves mind and body through a year of solitude spent in the desert w only bread and water? its sad to hear people talk about making money, spending time on pointless games, dissipating themselves in an orgy of postmodern delights. the media and hollywood make career and family success seem like the most important things in this universe. nothing could be farther from the truth. too many people drink the koolaid and neglect their inner spirt without consideration of higher, more godly values. i respect those who master their material urges to gain wisdom and meaning on a higher plane.
What a waste of a year that would be (the desert year *and* the no ejaculation year). Your inner spirit/ higher plane woo-woo talk isn't particularly helpful here, and I disagree with both of you that people are generally focused more on sex and hedonism than healthy relationships. I'm sure some people are, but I don't think that's the focus for most people (and definitely not in this forum). After all, this is a dating thread, not a hook-up/ PUA tips hotline.
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On October 30 2018 12:48 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2018 03:56 IgnE wrote:On October 29 2018 03:25 ThunderJunk wrote:
I, for one, think that it's sad that people value sex so much more highly than companionship, teamwork, and higher values. Relationships are about working together for a common good, be it family, hobbies, or business.
Hollywood and popular media make it out to be that sex is the purpose of relationships. It also makes it seem like if you have more sex (often times with more partners), you're more successful. Nothing could be further from the truth.
If you need to have sex with someone to justify spending loving, attentive time with them, then that screams addictive behavior. Orgasms feel awesome, sure, but so does doing coke, smoking weed, and getting blasted at a bar.
If you need sex to justify being with someone, or if not having sex disqualifies you from spending time with them, or giving them special attention, that's totally similar to needing to smoke before going out to have a good time, or needing to drink to make socializing possible.
Too many people want to master the process of sexual seduction, but stop short before mastering their own sexuality.
How many people here have gone a whole year without ejaculating? Some people are successful in it. They made a choice to master their own impulses. I respect them a lot more than people who chase sex for sex's sake. how many people here have mastered themselves mind and body through a year of solitude spent in the desert w only bread and water? its sad to hear people talk about making money, spending time on pointless games, dissipating themselves in an orgy of postmodern delights. the media and hollywood make career and family success seem like the most important things in this universe. nothing could be farther from the truth. too many people drink the koolaid and neglect their inner spirt without consideration of higher, more godly values. i respect those who master their material urges to gain wisdom and meaning on a higher plane. What a waste of a year that would be (the desert year *and* the no ejaculation year). Your inner spirit/ higher plane woo-woo talk isn't particularly helpful here, and I disagree with both of you that people are generally focused more on sex and hedonism than healthy relationships. I'm sure some people are, but I don't think that's the focus for most people (and definitely not in this forum). After all, this is a dating thread, not a hook-up/ PUA tips hotline.
I'm pretty sure IgnE's post was a satire. 
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On October 30 2018 13:25 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On October 30 2018 12:48 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 29 2018 03:56 IgnE wrote:On October 29 2018 03:25 ThunderJunk wrote:
I, for one, think that it's sad that people value sex so much more highly than companionship, teamwork, and higher values. Relationships are about working together for a common good, be it family, hobbies, or business.
Hollywood and popular media make it out to be that sex is the purpose of relationships. It also makes it seem like if you have more sex (often times with more partners), you're more successful. Nothing could be further from the truth.
If you need to have sex with someone to justify spending loving, attentive time with them, then that screams addictive behavior. Orgasms feel awesome, sure, but so does doing coke, smoking weed, and getting blasted at a bar.
If you need sex to justify being with someone, or if not having sex disqualifies you from spending time with them, or giving them special attention, that's totally similar to needing to smoke before going out to have a good time, or needing to drink to make socializing possible.
Too many people want to master the process of sexual seduction, but stop short before mastering their own sexuality.
How many people here have gone a whole year without ejaculating? Some people are successful in it. They made a choice to master their own impulses. I respect them a lot more than people who chase sex for sex's sake. how many people here have mastered themselves mind and body through a year of solitude spent in the desert w only bread and water? its sad to hear people talk about making money, spending time on pointless games, dissipating themselves in an orgy of postmodern delights. the media and hollywood make career and family success seem like the most important things in this universe. nothing could be farther from the truth. too many people drink the koolaid and neglect their inner spirt without consideration of higher, more godly values. i respect those who master their material urges to gain wisdom and meaning on a higher plane. What a waste of a year that would be (the desert year *and* the no ejaculation year). Your inner spirit/ higher plane woo-woo talk isn't particularly helpful here, and I disagree with both of you that people are generally focused more on sex and hedonism than healthy relationships. I'm sure some people are, but I don't think that's the focus for most people (and definitely not in this forum). After all, this is a dating thread, not a hook-up/ PUA tips hotline. I'm pretty sure IgnE's post was a satire.
In that case, well played by IgnE and still confused by the (ironically-named) ThunderJunk
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I"m leaning more and more towards a "who gives a fuck what drives you" attitude.
Sure, let's all be sophisticated and let's all repress our urges. And then, woops, we repressed it too far and suddenly can't/won't procreate any more.
I think pursuing sex is totally fine if you're that kind of person. There are plenty of people that have a high sex drive and absolutely need to get off much more than the average joe (albeit they're in the vast minority).
I feel like a large portion of people is going to feel lost once they can't comfortably do their sexual thing because we've turned into an asexual society.
I think sexuality is a very important factor for individuals on a daily basis. The good, the bad and the ugly. I'm not saying rape needs to happen or there need to be rapists, I think it's much more complex and subtle, so I can't go too deep into it.
Ultimately my point boils down to this: we're (sometimes very) sexual beings, society dampening this will have very real effects because we're not equipped to deal with this (even when we say to our civilized selves we are). I think it will have very real consequences or we might see a split in society. I think the current #MeToo, and other social movements are doing necessary things, but aren't necessarily right/good for the humans as we're still stuck with an ancient psychological structures, even if we rationalize ourselves above it. It'll bite us in the butt.
Also, this is based on trends I've been seeing and my own gut feeling and kind of expressed in a train of thought kind of way, so forgive me if it doesn't feel super coherent. There needs to be a lot of refinement and extra appendages to my sentiment.
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I'm trying to become a god at seducing women. So I can get into a nice relationship with a cute girl.
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On October 31 2018 03:23 iopq wrote:
I'm trying to become a god at seducing women. So I can get into a nice relationship with a cute girl.
A true master plan.
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You could also go for the Hollywood plan. Become an unlikeable asshole, then a cute girl comes along and teaches you the true meaning of love.
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Yo bros
Anyone in a relationship where its not serious but its fun to act serious?
Its alot of fun trying to keep myself from getting invested lol
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On October 31 2018 20:03 hkim9936 wrote:
Yo bros
Anyone in a relationship where its not serious but its fun to act serious?
Its alot of fun trying to keep myself from getting invested lol
... what..? You're acting like it's serious when you don't think it is? Does your partner know you're doing this? I genuinely don't see the "lol" here.
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On October 31 2018 20:03 hkim9936 wrote:
Yo bros
Anyone in a relationship where its not serious but its fun to act serious?
Its alot of fun trying to keep myself from getting invested lol
If this means acting serious to the person you're dating...that's not very cool in my opinion. It's leading her on and being deceptive.
If you mean you like acting serious in public, but don't want to invest personally, I don't see a problem with it...but I also don't understand why. What's the purpose?
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I think he’s just talking about playing “house” with a girl he’s seeing.. I think. Meaning this act is mutual.
I can kinda see that as being fun: poking at the idea of being married without actually being serious. Though I think there may be a complexity tied to it *shrug*
Also how do you “act serious” without actually being invested? If u mean emotionally invested, then sure I’m guilty of that initially as well, but I usually grow to genuinely like the person if I find myself keep wanting to spend more time with her.
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Ahhh. My house is becoming a potentially dangerous situation now. I have a house with three other roommates, one of my best guy friends and two female vet student roommates. Me and one of the vet students have always been kinda flirty, but I had the opinion and got the impression from her as well that it was a "we are attracted, but also roommates and not going to do anything" situation.
Lately though it seems like she has amped up a little on the flirtation side though, and made more of a point of trying to talk to me when I am around. The four of us + other vet student friends went out drinking last night celebrating the end of a major exam for them, and she almost immediately got very touchy feely with me. I easily could have escalated that, but held myself back.
I'm not going to say I wasn't at least a little tempted though, she's reasonably cute and is in excellent shape...but holding back for two reasons. The first being she is a roommate, and that seems very much like the whole coworker dating shtick, especially when the roommate situation is quite good. Secondly, she is not the kind of person I would likely be interested in anything serious with. She's very fiesty which I love in short doses going back and forth with verbal jabs in good fun...but she's just too close minded in her heavily liberal views among other things. To be honest, I probably lean that way especially on social issues, but I can't deal with the highly opinionated + close minded combo.
Staying away for now, but I'm getting the feeling it's now going to require some serious effort on my part, especially since I am attracted to her physically. Anybody dealt with a similar situation or have thoughts?
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On October 31 2018 20:03 hkim9936 wrote:
Yo bros
Anyone in a relationship where its not serious but its fun to act serious?
Its alot of fun trying to keep myself from getting invested lol
I get up to a lot of shenanigans
Like pretending we were a married couple with a girl I went on a couple dates at a social event
Making up intricate back stories to people, suggesting threesomes etc.
I actually met a guy 3.5years later last week at another event, and he still remembered us and how we were up to no good  (she's one of my best friends now)
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On November 01 2018 06:11 L_Master wrote:
Staying away for now, but I'm getting the feeling it's now going to require some serious effort on my part, especially since I am attracted to her physically. Anybody dealt with a similar situation or have thoughts?
What's the question even, would make no sense to hook up. Just friendzone yourself, you know what to do
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On October 31 2018 02:34 Uldridge wrote:
I"m leaning more and more towards a "who gives a fuck what drives you" attitude.
Sure, let's all be sophisticated and let's all repress our urges. And then, woops, we repressed it too far and suddenly can't/won't procreate any more.
I think pursuing sex is totally fine if you're that kind of person. There are plenty of people that have a high sex drive and absolutely need to get off much more than the average joe (albeit they're in the vast minority).
I feel like a large portion of people is going to feel lost once they can't comfortably do their sexual thing because we've turned into an asexual society.
I think sexuality is a very important factor for individuals on a daily basis. The good, the bad and the ugly. I'm not saying rape needs to happen or there need to be rapists, I think it's much more complex and subtle, so I can't go too deep into it.
Ultimately my point boils down to this: we're (sometimes very) sexual beings, society dampening this will have very real effects because we're not equipped to deal with this (even when we say to our civilized selves we are). I think it will have very real consequences or we might see a split in society. I think the current #MeToo, and other social movements are doing necessary things, but aren't necessarily right/good for the humans as we're still stuck with an ancient psychological structures, even if we rationalize ourselves above it. It'll bite us in the butt.
Also, this is based on trends I've been seeing and my own gut feeling and kind of expressed in a train of thought kind of way, so forgive me if it doesn't feel super coherent. There needs to be a lot of refinement and extra appendages to my sentiment.
wtf is this post
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On November 01 2018 06:11 L_Master wrote:
Ahhh. My house is becoming a potentially dangerous situation now. I have a house with three other roommates, one of my best guy friends and two female vet student roommates. Me and one of the vet students have always been kinda flirty, but I had the opinion and got the impression from her as well that it was a "we are attracted, but also roommates and not going to do anything" situation.
Lately though it seems like she has amped up a little on the flirtation side though, and made more of a point of trying to talk to me when I am around. The four of us + other vet student friends went out drinking last night celebrating the end of a major exam for them, and she almost immediately got very touchy feely with me. I easily could have escalated that, but held myself back.
I'm not going to say I wasn't at least a little tempted though, she's reasonably cute and is in excellent shape...but holding back for two reasons. The first being she is a roommate, and that seems very much like the whole coworker dating shtick, especially when the roommate situation is quite good. Secondly, she is not the kind of person I would likely be interested in anything serious with. She's very fiesty which I love in short doses going back and forth with verbal jabs in good fun...but she's just too close minded in her heavily liberal views among other things. To be honest, I probably lean that way especially on social issues, but I can't deal with the highly opinionated + close minded combo.
Staying away for now, but I'm getting the feeling it's now going to require some serious effort on my part, especially since I am attracted to her physically. Anybody dealt with a similar situation or have thoughts?
bro this may sound like bad advice but this is the best advice
just fuck her right in the pussy
User was temp banned for this post.
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On October 31 2018 20:34 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On October 31 2018 20:03 hkim9936 wrote:
Yo bros
Anyone in a relationship where its not serious but its fun to act serious?
Its alot of fun trying to keep myself from getting invested lol ... what..? You're acting like it's serious when you don't think it is? Does your partner know you're doing this? I genuinely don't see the "lol" here.
I like the girl, i like the sex
we like to screw around, that is all
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On November 01 2018 06:11 L_Master wrote:
Ahhh. My house is becoming a potentially dangerous situation now. I have a house with three other roommates, one of my best guy friends and two female vet student roommates. Me and one of the vet students have always been kinda flirty, but I had the opinion and got the impression from her as well that it was a "we are attracted, but also roommates and not going to do anything" situation.
Lately though it seems like she has amped up a little on the flirtation side though, and made more of a point of trying to talk to me when I am around. The four of us + other vet student friends went out drinking last night celebrating the end of a major exam for them, and she almost immediately got very touchy-feely with me. I easily could have escalated that, but held myself back.
I'm not going to say I wasn't at least a little tempted though, she's reasonably cute and is in excellent shape...but holding back for two reasons. The first being she is a roommate, and that seems very much like the whole coworker dating shtick, especially when the roommate situation is quite good. Secondly, she is not the kind of person I would likely be interested in anything serious with. She's very fiesty which I love in short doses going back and forth with verbal jabs in good fun...but she's just too close minded in her heavily liberal views among other things. To be honest, I probably lean that way especially on social issues, but I can't deal with the highly opinionated + close minded combo.
Staying away for now, but I'm getting the feeling it's now going to require some serious effort on my part, especially since I am attracted to her physically. Anybody dealt with a similar situation or have thoughts?
Don't do it. If you know you won't like dating her, and she wants to date, just don't do it.
This shit could definitely affect your living situation (and the living situation of 3 other people) and cause you a lot of stress. It could be terrible financially as well.
If she comes out and says something similar to "I like you, let's start dating", say no. If she instead just gets more and more physical, you can simply stop it there. She'd probably be sad that you won't date her, but it's better than potentially damaging your living situation.
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EPT
