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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
My last few ones were not an issue at all. But I made huge cockups in other areas, last two breakups made me learn a lot about life and myself god bless them. I'll probably never see these women, but I will be forever grateful to them, and none of it had to do with sex itself whatsoever. I guess it can be a symptom, but a cause only when the guy's really shit at it | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On October 15 2018 18:25 iopq wrote: She asked me if I loved her and I told her I loved her as a friend. She cried a lot. We still talk on Whatsapp, I give her advice on learning English, lol Yeah I don't know, sounds weird when it's one sided. I'd probably consider it when it's a civil conversation and mutual agreement from both sides (especially after longer dating) to part ways Although my best female friend we also went on dates with, and when I told her I'm not gonna sleep with her because I feel too strong about my then to be GF she got really pissed. Even though she just left her boyfriend and was sleeping with 2 other guys (She's just a peach but I love her to bits, as a friend ofc  | ||
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bo1b
Australia12814 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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bo1b
Australia12814 Posts
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On October 16 2018 07:13 bo1b wrote: I can't think of a reason you wouldn't want your partner to get off. From a purely hookup point of view it encourages repeat business, from a relationship point of view it should be pretty obvious. It can always be merely a matter of that it's not that it's undesirable, it's just not that big of a deal. | ||
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bo1b
Australia12814 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On October 16 2018 09:06 bo1b wrote: People are allowed to not do specific sex acts, but as an overall concept making sure the girl your with enjoys herself seems like a pretty normal thing to do. True, but his reasoning was that he didn't have to do it because "he is king". | ||
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bo1b
Australia12814 Posts
Another great reminder that hip hop is absurdly sexist though. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On October 16 2018 06:20 LemOn wrote: Pretty sure you're overvaluing sex and orgasms in long term relationships there L_Master. I've explained why I think a certain amount sex is absolutely correct. Probably 2-3x a week for most guys, maybe a bit less for low drive guys, and a bit more in rare cases. The health benefits of sex are significant. Lower BP, better mood, increased T, ED protective effect, mental health benefits, etc. Just like not exercising, not having regular sex is mortgaging your health down the road. That's not something I play with. Orgasms, I don't value mine desperately. But I am huge on making sure my partner has a good time. The big O isn't the end all, be all, but let's be honest its a pretty significant part of the puzzle. There is just no reason to make sure she doesn't orgasm at least once. Absolutely no reason I can think of. If you're not bringing her to orgasm every time, you're doing it wrong. In my opinion. Lots of other things you can do as well to make sex great, but that's a valuable piece. Of course, my original comment is in response to being shocked that the vast majority of guys I knew admitted they did not consistently ensure their partner came. I think I place a pretty reasonable value on sex, but if you'd like to articulate why you feel I place too much value on it then I'd certainly love to hear. On October 16 2018 09:11 LegalLord wrote: It can always be merely a matter of that it's not that it's undesirable, it's just not that big of a deal. Let's assume it's not a particularly big deal. Perhaps 5% of the sexual experience (I think that's an insanely low estimate, but let's run with it). So that's 5%. Even in that context, why wouldn't you bring her to orgasm? | ||
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xM(Z
Romania5299 Posts
having "but did she got off?" always on the back of the mind is draining. | ||
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Excludos
Norway8278 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Does "increased male apathy, increased male neediness" really happen to you? Like would you really feel apathy, and become a needy person if you had awesome loving sex only one time per week or even month on average with a drop dead gorgeous woman with high chemistry when single? This was my big fucking a-ha moment and why 95% of guys suck in long term relationships, because they start unloading their needs and life satisfaction onto their partner. It shouldn't damn matter if you're single for 5 years and dust would fly off your cock if you use it Or if you've been married for 30 The main thing is to be a complete, self-reliant person as much as possible when it comes to life satisfaction, circle of friends and emotional needs, and your partner makes your life only better but you don't NEED her. What happens to almost everyone they become complacent, let themselves go, stay in shit careers, stop doing awesome things on their own, stop making new friends start unloading on their partner instead of a network of friends and then start needing sex to feel alive in life. Which then leads to the shitty circle, where they start to push for the symptom, woman's attraction and sex frequency dropping because of their neediness and apathy as you say, instead of actually fixing the causes of being a self-reliant person emotionally she fell in love with (and wanted to hump the brains out of constantly) in the first place. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8916 Posts
On October 16 2018 15:32 Excludos wrote: And sometimes she might not even want or be able to get off. Not all girls can at any given moment. this is a pretty important thing to note. one of my exes could only get off by using a vibrator. she didnt use her own hands because it just didnt work for her. as much as id like to get her off im not going to try using my own hands/mouth for like ages only to tire out and give up. she didnt bring her vibrator with her when we did it either so theres not much you can do | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
On October 16 2018 09:18 bo1b wrote: I've never been with a girl who told me she didn't want to get off. I'm sure they exist, but I've never ran into them. That isn't quite the right approach you're taking. Having an orgasm or not sometimes simply doesn't make a difference,or mental things/a long day allowing for sex but not orgasm. Generally not being able to induce that in your partner is rather worrisome but when you're not rocking a one night stand, having either partner not orgasm is entirely fine and nothing to worry too much about. I've had Sex where I didn't climax and also where my partner didn't. Stuff like that happens, no big deal. @lemon I strongly agree with your sentiment that while partners indeed make your life better in many ways its important to stay individuals and not just see oneself as the sum of each other. Happiness after all comes from the inside and relying on outside inputs isn't a sustainable way of life. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 16 2018 17:06 evilfatsh1t wrote: this is a pretty important thing to note. one of my exes could only get off by using a vibrator. she didnt use her own hands because it just didnt work for her. as much as id like to get her off im not going to try using my own hands/mouth for like ages only to tire out and give up. she didnt bring her vibrator with her when we did it either so theres not much you can do Did you ask her to though? My first FWB had a really hard time coming. We tried a lot of stuff. She was quite young at the time though, but I encouraged her to get a vibrator. And after a week or two of her using it we used it together on her in bed. I guess a lot of guys would get insecure of using toys in bed though. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On October 16 2018 09:44 bo1b wrote: I have doubt that most of the women clamoring to be with him are for any reason other than money and fame. In that sort of bubble, he is king. Fame is an aphrodisiac like no other and all attraction is context-dependent. Getting a woman to orgasm is largely about inducing a certain mindset in her. Guys in general either assume it's some esoteric process or they focus too much on physical stimulation, only to get frustrated when the latter proves insufficient. You have to both arouse and engage her prior to any sort of penetration. This can start as early as the initial moments when you meet up or 5 minutes before getting down to business. Either way it's not a great mystery. Girls are a lot more finicky in what turns them on but you can figure it out. Just don't get paranoid if you don't hit jackpot on every spin. It's important to know how to make her orgasm even if you can't guarantee it every time. For her it's psychologically imperative that she believes her partner has the capacity to do so or he/she is the type of guy who ought to enjoy one. It's not uncommon for girls to fake orgasms simply because she wants the other guy to stick around. The ability also grants a lot of slack in terms of what else she will tolerate in the relationship. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On October 16 2018 15:26 xM(Z wrote: 'cause sometimes one just wants to get off. having "but did she got off?" always on the back of the mind is draining. It is? I guess we are all different. I can't relate. On October 16 2018 15:32 Excludos wrote: And sometimes she might not even want or be able to get off. Not all girls can at any given moment. Sure. This can happen. There are always rare exceptions to the rule. Doesn't effect the overall concept. On October 16 2018 17:06 evilfatsh1t wrote: this is a pretty important thing to note. one of my exes could only get off by using a vibrator. she didnt use her own hands because it just didnt work for her. as much as id like to get her off im not going to try using my own hands/mouth for like ages only to tire out and give up. she didnt bring her vibrator with her when we did it either so theres not much you can do Same as above. Atypical edge case. Shit happens. I wouldn't be stressing about this myself. On October 16 2018 18:12 Artisreal wrote: That isn't quite the right approach you're taking. Having an orgasm or not sometimes simply doesn't make a difference,or mental things/a long day allowing for sex but not orgasm. Generally not being able to induce that in your partner is rather worrisome but when you're not rocking a one night stand, having either partner not orgasm is entirely fine and nothing to worry too much about provided it's the exception to the rule, not the rule itself. I've had Sex where I didn't climax and also where my partner didn't. Stuff like that happens, no big deal. @lemon I strongly agree with your sentiment that while partners indeed make your life better in many ways its important to stay individuals and not just see oneself as the sum of each other. Happiness after all comes from the inside and relying on outside inputs isn't a sustainable way of life. I think I agree with almost all of this. The only thing I would add is the bolded. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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