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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
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4) I'm with you on cold approach. I actually really need to fix that, it's such a nice confidence boost being able to walk up to someone you find attractive and say hello. I rarely do it. It's something I will almost certainly focus on once I get my school situation and coaching side business settled and running smoothly.
3) Bars to some extent, and absolutely 100% clubs, are extreme kyrptonite. I don't understand how they work at all. It's loud AF and I can't have good conversation, which is definitely the backbone of how I like to meet and interact with people. I don't know if you just need a much more physical style, or if there is something I am completely missing, but I'm terrible here 90% of the time. Every once in a while I have a night where things just seem to "work", but it's rare. Not surprisingly, less noisy bars are much better for me.
2) I like meeting people this way, and have a very easy time making friends doing things I enjoy. Unfortunately, many of the activities I enjoy tend to be heavily male (cycling and golf especially), and I tend to make some female friends, but only infrequently do I end up dating them. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on how and when you switch from activity partner to possible dating interest.
1) My domain. I really like online and I feel completely confident in it. Attractiveness (physical) of women isn't a problem, but overall quality as a stable, long term option is an issue, depending on what you're looking for, and what site you're on. In my experience POF/OKC tend to be lower quality in terms of stability and having their act together. Tinder is heavily college age or a few years older and is a mixed bag, but it feels like the majority on there are looking for more casual relationships. Bumble and Hinge, at least in my area, are the go to places if you're looking for serious, long term relationship oriented women. Hinge especially has some pretty together, overall high class women (at least in my area).
I actually don't think online takes that much time. I can spend 30'- 60' each day and usually line up anywhere from 3-10 dates per week. That's not too bad in my opinion. I'd be hard pressed to be more "time efficient" doing any other form of dating unless of course it was strictly paired with doing things I enjoy through activities and social circle.
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Hah
I met my ex-gf in a bar
the one before that at a loud wedding
The one before that at a bar halloween party
Bars and clubs are all about quieter corners, side rooms, spaces away from the main stage, rotating the area constantly, working the room as they say. You walk around and talk to people you find interesting, point out details you notice about them etc.
And most of all it's a quick approach where you close on a number quickly after you hit it off. Because you're shouting often 
I've never picked up anyone at the dance floor unless it was desperation hour 2am or something.
But that's probably because I love to dance and ignore people with closed eyes. A guy I knew would sleep with someone almost always in a super loud club. How he did it, I can never know. He also operated mostly around stairs and exits though
For 2)
I actually base my activities around the women attending and ratios, you get to try stuff out of your comfort zone which just expands you as a person anyways, no matter how dumb the reason might seem
And I mean seems simple to turn them into dating, it's usually larger groups - just ask for a number and follow the normal routine of setting a date if you happen to hit it off. I haven't really tried that, wasn't really interested in that when I was with my GF(EDIT:EX-GF, FUCK :D) , it's a theory anyways don't see why it wouldn't work?
And damn yeah I'll try these new fancy ass apps (women have to contact you first?) bumble and hinge is it?
last time I checked there was just Tinder and Badoo over here
but that was years ago
And by time efficiency with online dating I need to clarify - you can't really quantify chemistry online
So what inevitably happens is that you meet, it's not there, you waste your time, where with live approach you only get to go on first dates with people you already have chemistry with.
And second thing is the illusion of ease of it - you go online dating you don't have the drive and do cold approaches go to events are open in real life etc. That are great for women but you level up your charisma and actually gain friends and experiences out of it as a by-product naturally
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Bars and clubs are all about quieter corners, side rooms, spaces away from the main stage, rotating the area constantly, working the room as they say. You walk around and talk to people you find interesting, point out details you notice about them etc.
And most of all it's a quick approach where you close on a number quickly after you hit it off. Because you're shouting often
Now that you say this is it makes a ton of sense, and it does let you see if you have chemistry ahead of time. The downside I see here is that I have to think, with alcohol + short interactions, that many of these numbers will end up dead. Then again...that's not all that different from online where you might only get a 20%-50% response rate, with a large portion of those going dead after a couple messages.
And damn yeah I'll try these new fancy ass apps (women have to contact you first?) bumble and hinge is it?
last time I checked there was just Tinder and Badoo over here
but that was years ago
And by time efficiency with online dating I need to clarify - you can't really quantify chemistry online
So what inevitably happens is that you meet, it's not there, you waste your time, where with live approach you only get to go on first dates with people you already have chemistry with.
Bumble is that way, but it kind of doesn't matter. You match, and then the women has to respond first, but that doesn't require any action from you. It also doesn't change the conversation because 99.9% respond with "Hey" or "Hi" and so you just say whatever you were going to.
Hinge is one where either can message. You can like/comment on photos or 3 profile prompts and respond from there if she decides to message you back. Women will also like things on your profile and that lets you start a conversation.
That's true about the chemistry. It's hard to argue with that. You will have some dud dates, although I do find this good practice in general for interactions where you might not be the most interested. I also try to minimize this issue by doing short first dates. Usually 45' or so, never more than an hour. Just a get a feel for it, screen for a few things you like, a little dating/sex talk, good close hug and out. Costs a little time, but it's not bad. Usually a one drink thing for me. Never meal or any long date...simply because I don't know if I will enjoy spending time with the person yet.
Cold approach you'll know if you want to talk to the person more already, but you'll also probably have 4-5 interactions that take 5-10 minutes and don't go anywhere for every interaction that does.
And second thing is the illusion of ease of it - you go online dating you don't have the drive and do cold approaches go to events are open in real life etc. That are great for women but you level up your charisma and actually gain friends and experiences out of it as a by-product naturally
Really good point, it is easy to just go into online mode and not go out and meet people and develop social skills that way. You do get a lot of 1:1 practice with dates, but that's different and doesn't encompass the entire spectrum of interactions. And yea, you don't really get any cool experiences or memories.
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Oh yeah I just remembered why I used online apps at first last time around for a couple months
The whole scarcity mindset when you're getting started
Yesterday I've taken down all the things like pictures we had together from my room walls etc. Change my ex's cutesy name to a formal one in my phone+took out her picture (she's an awesome person and we've been giving each other gifts all the time so there's been a lot) And told facebook to stop showing me her posts.
So I finally feel like I'm alone. And see that's the thing . . .when I was dating her, even long distance the interactions with women felt safe, I think cheating's absurd, I consciously picked her while dating other women and planned a future together, so I knew I'd never do anything. That meant I'd have this no fucks given attitude approach even to the most attractive women, just not giving that a second thought really.
But now I'm seeing this just stunning girl I actually plan to be just friends with (but who knows how these things go - just using cold logic I shouldn't jump into anything so fast and she seems like a keeper on personal level) on Thursday for pedal boats + cool gallery place bar that's open twice per week in specific hours I always wanted to go to, and it's hard to stop myself from thinking about that like way too much, I over thought the message so hard and that was just to ask her to join me. Well I always have done these creative asking out messages with my exgf that took me a long time, but I was also terrified + nervous as fuck this time.
And the apps just create this alternative where you feel like other people desire you. It's damaging to so many people, especially women I find that get bombarded with messages start use that for their self esteem, but I guess using that in the first few weeks couldn't harm much.
Now the thing is Bumble and Hinge are not in this country Tinder and Badoo I really dislike but I guess I've got no choice do I now
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Is it common for girls to have very different social attitude towards her boyfriend than all other people?
Like she is playful, caring, easygoing to all people but be more serious, distant, harsh to her boyfriend?
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On October 09 2018 02:51 mantequilla wrote:
Is it common for girls to have very different social attitude towards her boyfriend than all other people?
Like she is playful, caring, easygoing to all people but be more serious, distant, harsh to her boyfriend?
Funny, my girlfriend is opposite of this
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On October 09 2018 02:51 mantequilla wrote:
Is it common for girls to have very different social attitude towards her boyfriend than all other people?
Like she is playful, caring, easygoing to all people but be more serious, distant, harsh to her boyfriend?
Definitely the former part of your statement is true, in fact it's universal. Almost everyone treats a parent or a friend differently than they would anyone else, same for a boyfriend.
The specifics of the second part is where it depends. Personally, I see the situation you describe often, particular in long standing relationships, i.e. those that have been a couple more than 2-3 years. It's a combination of things in my opinion, but unfortunately I find that it is often the people to whom we are closest that in many ways we tend to treat the worst, probably because we have this understanding they are there and won't "leave".
To be clear, I don't mean that these relationships are toxic or bad, but it tends to be our parents, significant others, or closest friends to whom we unload our frustrations or irritation on. It's common to come home from a rough day, see something on the floor or a mess in the kitchen and then vent at a significant other...you don't usually call up a more distant friend or appropriate avenue for that venting.
The serious/distant aspect I also notice, and to my eye there are other factors at play too ("boredom" for lack of a better word among others), but we already discussed that to death a month or so ago talking about monogamy so I won't go back into that.
On October 09 2018 02:54 Copymizer wrote:Show nested quote +On October 09 2018 02:51 mantequilla wrote:
Is it common for girls to have very different social attitude towards her boyfriend than all other people?
Like she is playful, caring, easygoing to all people but be more serious, distant, harsh to her boyfriend? Funny, my girlfriend is opposite of this
How long have you guys been together? If it's less than 3 or 4 years, then I would fully expect that. If it's longer than that, well then that's awesome to hear; you might just have someone quite special
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Hah
That feel when you join a burger meetup
You expect some sweaty fat guys
And it fills up with only 3guys and 7 pretty good looking women 
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And Yeah I'd say almost 100% couples develop their own dynamic. Me and all my two >1yr girlfriends were the same.
With one she was pretty reserved but when she'd come home she'd jump on me me had this language
With my most recent one we'd have this bilingual mashup, although she is very open and jovial with people she gets to know even a little.
And L_Master's point is also true, after a long time when both are in a bad mood it's hard not to vent/be an asshole to your SO sometimes even though (maybe because) you keep a fake face in front of other people.
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On October 09 2018 06:20 LemOn wrote:Hah That feel when you join a burger meetup You expect some sweaty fat guys And it fills up with only 3guys and 7 pretty good looking women
Is this a literal meetup to eat burgers? If so...that's kinda funny (I totally approve) and some nice luck to go with it!
Date tonight, so we will see how it goes. Online dating one, but if her pictures aren't extremely flattering angles she's one of those girls that feels almost out of your league. Abundance mentality definitely helps, but it's been a little while since I've gone on a date with someone this physically attractive. See if I can keep things normal...and ideally if she has some personality to go with it.
Trying to get in a good spot now before the holidays hit. In my experience the time from Halloween to like Jan 2nd is really, really hard to schedule dates, especially in the town I'm in that's so heavily college or grad school age.
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I have a dilemma. I want to contact my one and only ex-girlfriend and see how she's doing. I've had these thoughts in my head for the past few months. These thoughts would come and go. However, at the mall today seeing all the couples, public display of affection, and what not made these thoughts come back stronger than ever. For the first time in my life, I felt like if I don't reach out to her and give her a call, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. I already regret many things with my life, and I definitely don't need to add more to the list. Heck I felt more depressed and angry (at myself) at the mall today than when we broke up and when I found out she was lying to me.* I'm not going to lie, I miss her, and ultimately I would like a second chance with her.
I haven't spoken to my ex since spring of 2017. We initially broke up in early 2016, so we were trying to be friends for a year. We do share some mutual friends together but we do not talk about each other anymore. At least I don't with my friends, partly because she told them not to last year. During that one year period after our break up, I was immature in her perspective and didn't give her a reason to come back to me. Plus she was focused on getting her permanent residence so she lost interest in dating and relationships supposedly. To her, obtaining permanent residency was very important as she did not want to return to China.
As for how the break up occurred, honestly it was half mutual, half anger. She was moving and my mom insisted on coming to help her move even though I told her many times we got it covered. Since my mom didn't listen to me, I asked my girlfriend to call my mom to tell her no need to come. But my mom ignored and she came anyways, which really hurt my girlfriend and made her cry a lot. She felt like I wasn't protecting her. Again, I was immature and didn't know what to do as it was my first relationship. A bit later, one day said she wanted a break (we were arguing) and I just walked out on her, saying we should just break up instead. I ignored her for a while after because I was mad and I hurt her significantly during that time. She needed my help one time, called me on my phone, called me by the nickname she gave me. And first thing I said to her was "Why are you calling me by my nickame?" Yup.... The fact we continued talking was amazing. I definitely didn't deserve her back then. Probably still don't today.
*While we were together near the end of our relationship, she went on a few dates with other men. Now you may say this is a big no-no and it's a good thing I'm out of that relationship but hear me out, because this is a special case. She was initially an international student from China, and her only family member here were her aunt and uncle. Her aunt took care of her and being her only family member, she didn't want them to be unhappy with her, especially since the aunt was sick with cancer (I think it was cancer). Her aunt would always tell her to marry off to a rich man and try to set her up on dates with these men for as long as she was here in Canada. The aunt believed marrying rich and being a housewife was what a woman should do. Normally my girlfriend would say no to this as she respected me and was committed to the relationship we shared. But I think her aunt's condition took a turn for the worse or something (don't really remember) because I found out she went on a couple of these arranged near the end of our relationship. She didn't want her aunt's condition to get any worse, which is why she did what she did. I wasn't a good boyfriend either in the beginning, as I cheated soon after we started dating, so I saw this as karma more than anything else. I was given a second chance then and I didn't learn to treasure her until it was too late.
Now I knew what her aunt and family background was like and how unreasonable they could be, just like how she knew how unreasonable mine could be. In my opinion, our families interfering was definitely one of the many reasons why we broke up. Now things have changed and my parents understand how big of a fuck up they were in my relationship with my ex. They basically learned their lesson and no longer care about who my sister and I date, as long as we're not dating bad people like hookers and drug dealers lol.
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that..... sounds like a complete trainwreck of a relationship!
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Does seem like a dilemma. Contact her. It's been long enough. Have some fun banter, feel out if she has someone else in her life, then ask if she wants to come over and hang out.
No friends stuff. If she says yes, you're almost certainly good. Bring her over, have fun, have sex and move back i to a relationship. If she says "how about we do activity X or go to restaurant Y" then it's unlikely. That's a definite friend vibe. Meet up and see where it goes, just don't expect anything..
A no is well...a no.
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On October 09 2018 09:05 QuanticHawk wrote:
that..... sounds like a complete trainwreck of a relationship!
In my opinion, our relationship was really good if you don't taken into consideration the interference by our families. My family knows better now. I know I was a bit boring and not a huge romantic, and I thought I was doing the right thing and making the right decisions at the time but I obviously wasn't. However, we were happy together, she fell for me hard, and I heard from our friend she had a lot of positive things to say about me after we broke up, which is why she stayed with me for as long as she did while we were together.
On October 09 2018 09:27 L_Master wrote:
Does seem like a dilemma. Contact her. It's been long enough. Have some fun banter, feel out if she has someone else in her life, then ask if she wants to come over and hang out.
No friends stuff. If she says yes, you're almost certainly good. Bring her over, have fun, have sex and move back i to a relationship. If she says "how about we do activity X or go to restaurant Y" then it's unlikely. That's a definite friend vibe. Meet up and see where it goes, just don't expect anything..
A no is well...a no.
What would be the best way to contact her, in your opinion? I think calling her is the best thing to do because I know she'll be cold or just ignore me if I send a text message. I don't know what to say though or how to start the conversation, especially since it'll already be weird to call her. There's a chance she'll be busy on an international call or studying too so if she doesn't pick up the first time, I'll call once more too.
I'm not sure if there will be sex. We never had intercourse together after all, especially not at my house cus of my family (back then). And cus of some other issue that isn't important at this time.
By the way, there's no updates on her from social media. Her Instagram and Facebook are dead. I know I'm not blocked, she just doesn't use them. She uses Wechat and QQ but I believe it's private so I won't be able to see anything.
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On October 09 2018 12:46 geokilla wrote:Show nested quote +On October 09 2018 09:05 QuanticHawk wrote:
that..... sounds like a complete trainwreck of a relationship! In my opinion, our relationship was really good if you don't taken into consideration the interference by our families. My family knows better now. I know I was a bit boring and not a huge romantic, and I thought I was doing the right thing and making the right decisions at the time but I obviously wasn't. However, we were happy together, she fell for me hard, and I heard from our friend she had a lot of positive things to say about me after we broke up, which is why she stayed with me for as long as she did while we were together. Show nested quote +On October 09 2018 09:27 L_Master wrote:
Does seem like a dilemma. Contact her. It's been long enough. Have some fun banter, feel out if she has someone else in her life, then ask if she wants to come over and hang out.
No friends stuff. If she says yes, you're almost certainly good. Bring her over, have fun, have sex and move back i to a relationship. If she says "how about we do activity X or go to restaurant Y" then it's unlikely. That's a definite friend vibe. Meet up and see where it goes, just don't expect anything..
A no is well...a no. What would be the best way to contact her, in your opinion? I think calling her is the best thing to do because I know she'll be cold or just ignore me if I send a text message. I don't know what to say though or how to start the conversation, especially since it'll already be weird to call her. There's a chance she'll be busy on an international call or studying too so if she doesn't pick up the first time, I'll call once more too. I'm not sure if there will be sex. We never had intercourse together after all, especially not at my house cus of my family (back then). And cus of some other issue that isn't important at this time. By the way, there's no updates on her from social media. Her Instagram and Facebook are dead. I know I'm not blocked, she just doesn't use them. She uses Wechat and QQ but I believe it's private so I won't be able to see anything.
Tbh, that doesn't sound good. That's the response of someone who is actively not interested in seeing you.
The way I see it, if she is interested in you again or open to the idea, she wouldn't mind getting a text. If you send her a "Hey what's up" or perhaps more ideally a "insert funny anecdote that reminded me of you" thing and she isn't going to respond, the honest truth is that she probably isn't interested.
She might talk to you over the phone, and in that context you might get her agree to meet up. But I doubt she would come over to your place or what not. She would probably, from what you described, feel a little coerced and do it out of nicety. Likely it would have a strong "we are friends" frame.
You never had intercourse at all? I don't know exactly what you guys were doing, but that sounds more like deep friends to me than boyfriend or girlfriend when I start hearing stuff like that. If you guys were highly intimate and passionate in non-intercourse ways ala a religious abstinence based relationship I would understand.
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I've dated a 1st gen Chinese girl for 3 years
And I know a lot about the dating scene, check.out serpentza and laowhy on youtube. When you date someone there for even a couple months it's just embedded in the culture that you are getting married and raising children with them.
In fact women that get above age 27ish and are single start to get called "leftover women" and even a multimillionaire business women are looked down upon as failures by a lot of tye society.
What her family aunt etc. are pushing her to do is not crazy, is not weird, it's just normal.
So 1) she's likely to be dating someone now if not more
(my ex was married like a couple months after we broke up)
2) unless you are prepared in marrying her and raising family with her forget about it
3) you are fantasizing way too much and riding on this
If I could give you one advice that'll change your life is to just forget about her, and learn to get great with women in general in the first place
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Tried tinder because apparently nothing else is in this country
0 Matches after two rounds of Swiping
I can't believe my photo of me eating haggis doesn't get more love, who doesn't love haggis? 
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On October 09 2018 17:51 LemOn wrote:Tried tinder because apparently nothing else is in this country 0 Matches after two rounds of Swiping I can't believe my photo of me eating haggis doesn't get more love, who doesn't love haggis?
Do you have likes though? Maybe you're the one who is preventing the matches from happening 
When you make a new profile you should be at the top of the queue for most people around you, so if no one likes you, that is probably a terrible picture/bio.
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Yeah no bio or anything and random pictures pulled from Facebook.
What do you mean likes? I gentle free version only
But WOOP WOOP got a match!!!
Hashtag stud
Hashtag try and stop me
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EPT
