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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
And no they don't
What almost all guys don't realize is that those standard questions are really really bad for first dates, all dates actually in general, they are just this must do evil you have to get out of the way to weed out hard Incompatibilities like religion, stance on family, incompatible schedules etc.
It was funny I was at this walking meetup with large group of 16 or so
And just a stunning young girl appeared there I talked to her here and there
And like 3 times it happened my sort of buddy I met there also would stand close who seemed to like her too would join in on the conversation every time I started
And start asking the QA questions and take her attention and talk to her for long stretches I walked away at that point every time because I know the way he is(like every guy), and she kept gravitating towards me herself throughout the day, we'd talk he'd join do his QA get her attention I'd leave...And then we ended up sitting next to each other in the pub and I'm going out with her in a couple days
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Hey L_master what I've done
Breakup =>update wardrobe
I went to a shop and there was this racer leather like tight fitting jacket discounted
I never wore those in my life but was like fuck it let's go for it
And then I just Google leather jacket outfits, looked a lot of them
Copied beckham's style running around shops trying to get similar jeans shoes T-shirt took me like 3 hours
Cost me like $130 as you say
And I guess this is a good approach? I always went by comfort and my eye, first time I've done this just copied a fashion look I never wore before at all made sure the components feel reasonably good to wear. Not sure how else you approach picking outfits, but I'm really happy with this one.
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On October 09 2018 22:39 geokilla wrote:
Thanks for sharing your dating experience. Do you ever find first date results in a lot of Q&A as you try and get a feel for one another and to learn more about each other? My last couple of first dates with different women I met on Coffee Meets Bagel felt like that.
Q&A, depends on what you mean. If you mean interview style stuff such as :
LM: "So what do you do for a living."
Girl: "Well I actually go to school right now. What about you?"
LM: "Oh thats cool, I'm also going to school and work for the college as well. Studying ECE. What about you?"
Girl: "I'm in business. Do you like your major?"
No no no no no. Nooooo. This is boring. Almost academic. Attraction is all emotions, you want laughter, excitement, stories, challenge. Logic, deep intellectual discussion, or anything overly serious is usually bad on first dates. Exceptions exist, yes. Usually (almost always) it's bad.
No doubt there will be questions asked, but what I like is to get her talking, and then just guide the conversation with occasional questions, stories, anecdotes, and some teasing. Rather than:
Girl: "Yea I'm a history major"
LM: "Oh. That's cool. Do you enjoy it?"
Girl: "Yea it's my favorite subject!"
LM: "Sweet! How did you get interested in history?"
It's:
Girl: "Yea I'm a history major"
LM: "(Said in obvious joking tone with big smile) Oohhhhh. You're one of thoooose girls that's totally buried in her massive text books all the time. Let me guess this is the first time you've been out of the house in 6 months  "
Girl: "Noooooooooo!!! It's not like that at all. It's really interesting and not at all what you would think!"
LM: "Really? History always seemed kinda boring to me, tell me something amazing about history that would totally change my mind"
Girl: "[Some cool anecdote]"
LM: "Oh damn, that's actually super interesting. I'm impressed! You've been preparing for this since you were a little tyke huh? "
See the difference there? One is very logical and interviewy, the other has emotion and life. I've also managed to segway into how she got into her program and developed that interest without going through a slew of questions. There will DEFINITELY be questions. But if that's 80%, or even 50% of your conversation that's not usually good. Your job is to keep the conversation fun, and emotionally strong while still learning about the girl and screening her for what interests you. Remember though, you want her to be doing 75% of the talking. First date is the time to shut up and listen. She will be more engaged and feel like she really hit it off with you, that you paid attention, and it's a double win because you're learning about her and figuring out how interested you are.
Boring dates with interviewy conversation usually lead to this feeling of "Hmm, well we had some pleasant conversation and I definitely learned some things about her i liked, but I didn't really get the sense there was a spark or connection". Girls will often text you back after dates like this, but you'll find they disappear or dance around when you ask for a second date.
On October 09 2018 22:39 geokilla wrote:
When you first match with a woman on these dating apps, how do you first talk to them? I just try and be myself and ask them how they are, never relying on those pickup lines. It may be the reason why when I do get the matches, I don't get the dates.
First thing I want to emphasize is looks/picture quality play a role. The better your pictures are, the more you can get away with. Before, when I was figuring this out and having a sex hangup and shooting more for ONS type stuff, I was opening almost comically sexually aggressive. With good pics you would probably be shocked at how explicit and direct you can be and get responses.
Next thing to understand is that online is absolutely, without a question, a MAJOR numbers game. You might send out 500 messages and get 100 replies. Of those 100 replies, 70 will fizzle out within a few responses or less. 30 might let you pitch a meet. Of those 30, half might agree to meet up (the other half will go radio silence when you pitch the date). Perhaps 10 will actually show up to a date. Of those 10, perhaps 2-8 of them will be dates where you hit it off.
Those numbers are made up, but they are probably not too far off reality. Point is, online is about sending out a TON of messages. Given that, you have to either devote serious hobby levels of commitment to it or embrace time efficiency. For me, this means I have one or two go to canned openers that I basically copy/paste to all attractive girls I want to message. One I often go with is: "Are you half as much trouble as you look  "
Simple, slightly fun, not needy or desperate is all you need. Should NOT be more than 2-3 lines max. Longer messages don't work well. They might get responses, but they don't get dates. Getting dates is what matters. Until you have a date it's not real.
After that, I respond to what they say, and then usually ask them some sort of question like "What are your top two qualities not related to your appearance. I have my guesses, but you would know best ".
I respond to what they say, and then immediately pitch a date. Usually 3rd or 4th message. I never go more than 5 or 6 messages without pitching a date. The number of girls that you talk to for more than 5 messages that will actually meet up with you is very, very low. Definitely less than 10%. It also tends to set up a "super serious BF looking for a relationship" type of impression, which often results in girls being much slower and reserved about having sex with you. I don't want to have to go on 3, 4, or god forbid 5+ dates before a girl agrees to have sex with me. If I'm attracted to her and she is attracted to me, waiting doesn't make sense to me.
Equally as important: time efficiency. 10+ messages with every girl with hundreds of openers is ALOT of time. I don't have 3 hours each day to spend online dating so I simply can't do this either. Therefore, 3rd or 4th message is my usual ask for a date message.
Speaking of asking for dates, I absolutely love: "We should meet up, something simple like a quick drink after work(class?). At the moment DayX and DayY are workable. If you're up for it, let me know and I can give you a time and place."
If she doesn't respond and goes radio silent (this happens ALOT), that's fine. Don't waste your time further. The conversation rate is so low that it would be a colossal waste of time to do so. She's either a validation seeker, a girl on there mad at her boyfriend but not actually wanting to cheat, or someone very shy that probably is going to get cold feet for anyone. If she responds yes, schedule a date and then get her contact information and perhaps social media. Schedule date.
Brace for flaking. It's common. I'd say at least 30% to 50% rate. Plan for it, don't get mad. When she flakes, reschedule right away. Second time usually sticks much better. Try not to schedule dates more than 4 or 5 days out if you can help it. Any further is way to far for most people to plan well. I'll usually have a light text conversation 2-3 days out, and then I'll follow up the day of asking if we are still on.
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On October 10 2018 15:13 LemOn wrote:
Hey L_master what I've done
Breakup =>update wardrobe
I went to a shop and there was this racer leather like tight fitting jacket discounted
I never wore those in my life but was like fuck it let's go for it
And then I just Google leather jacket outfits, looked a lot of them
Copied beckham's style running around shops trying to get similar jeans shoes T-shirt took me like 3 hours
Cost me like $130 as you say
And I guess this is a good approach? I always went by comfort and my eye, first time I've done this just copied a fashion look I never wore before at all made sure the components feel reasonably good to wear. Not sure how else you approach picking outfits, but I'm really happy with this one.
This is almost moving out of dating, but I approach it as just thinking about what I like to wear and then finding good fitting clothes of that type. If the bomber/leather jacket approach fits your personality, rock it! If it feels not you/try hard/just doing it cause "fashion" it's probably not as good.
If fit is good, and you're not doing anything totally insane with colors you won't go too wrong in my opinion. For most women in my opinion it's not a huge deal. Just don't look bad. The only women I have found that might be a stickler for killer style or fancy, name brand clothes are either the very rich, high class, elitist types or the heavy provider hunter/gold digger types. Neither of which I generally find myself attracted to so that works out.
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Learning how to flirt is something done with practice. Sooner or later you'll cross a threshold of simply not giving a fuck wrt failure, and for whatever reason you'll end up slowly becoming way more successful in your romantic endeavors.
It's also just a good skill to have, being able to joke around a serious conversation is an important life skill. If you go up to a pretty girl and say, "Hey I heard your name is Mildred (or some other extremely unlikely name)" you'll get a different reception to "hey I'm bo1b, who are you?"
I highly encourage people to go out to events and just socialise with others, pay attention to people who are good at it while you're learning as well. Worst that can happen is you get laughed at, in 99.99% of cases.
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Hey guys, it has been 20 days or so since my DJ lover left for China. We have been pretty much spending the whole nights on video calls. I'm merely adopting the idea to embrace her meeting with guys in clubs at around 2.00 am to 4.00 am.. At first it was very frustrating to know that she's in a club with lots of flirty men around, but she started to call me when they're around, especially the flirty ones, and assured me they are good guys while they can hear. Kinda nice attitude. And always calling me when she's back, never drunk or anything.
On my part, I'm focused on my work, trying to find some decent flats to be prepared when she comes. And froze my Tinder account. One night was trouble, which I did not tell her about it. But I feel deeply strange whether if I should tell her or not. My co-worker and I was spending time in the house, then he met a kazakh girl via Badoo app, she was clubbing and came to our flat to say hi, and meet with him. I left them alone after some whiskey was enjoyed together, they talked for hours and then they fucked. While I was out of the room for wc, I saw her in her panties and she smiled, ran away. Only glimpse I had was she had a squat ass, which I really like in women. But anyways. I returned.
Few days later, they arranged another meeting for chilling and fucking again. I didn't spend lots of time with them. She only asked the meaning of my tattoos and I took my drink, left. They again talked for hours, I only interrupted them for couple of more glasses, I really love drunk gaming. Then at around 4.00 am, they were downstairs and fucking, my friend called my name and said me to go to my room for 10 mins. I thought they are planning some sort of kinky stuff in balcony or so. And went downstairs. Entered to my room, lights were out, saw her completely naked, lying down on my bed, butts out in a way that is inviting. The first thing she said she knows I have girlfriend and struggling not to be a bad boy, but this won't count. At first I thought it's a sick joke to test me. I sat down and asked what happened. She told me she is so drunk, and while having sex with my friend, she said she enjoys threesome and asked my friend if he wants it. My friend rejected but he said she can do with me if she wants. Then she said to me that she actually found me more attractive than him even in the first night but was very shy to talk about it. And then she kinda felt my friend was not totally okay with the idea he suggests, said it half angrily to her, she said okay let's go have sex in front of him, then she would still enjoy it. He got more jealous and pushed her into my room. It was a pretty fucked up situation for me. Then I said her, let's just wait half an hour or so, and then you can tell him we did it and you can leave because she was angry at him to push her into the room like a whore and felt that she kinda was in some revenge mode also. Obviously they had some sorta connection since they talked for hours before they had sex. She agreed to wait. My friend shouted from his room to send her via taxi in the morning, she got more angry and left out the room, took whiskey and came back.
By the way, meantime she's completely naked, a tanned, a little busty girl with huge breasts and a damn ass, a little chinese eyes, shaped lips, pretty petite body, I believe you can imagine. A pocket Kim Lee if you know her, a bit more tanned and sharp eyes we can say. It's extremely hard for me 3 weeks without sex and this one is already in bed, as if the satan is real and the mthrfkr is fucking with me. However, she sat by me, we kept drinking and she said she will sleep, she started to sleep on my lap. Mister lastpuritan the junior starts to take control, she constantly moves head around it, to find a "better spot" to sleep, fake as shit. Then for a last attempt, I said I want to sleep also and went for my couch. In 10 mins or so, she said she is freezing, is it possible for me to come and hug her, nothing will happen, promise. Okay I lied down and she put her ass right on the spot, took my arm around her like I am boyfriend, and kept sleeping like this. I don't know for how long we remained like that, I was struggling not to puke, getting angry at myself for drinking that much. She took my hand and put it on her boobs, making me grasp it and check it... THAT MY FRIENDS. WAS THE FUCKING FINAL MOMENT THAT BITCH HAD THE CONTROL. I told her enough, you will get what you ask for, and I fucked her for god knows how long, maybe 2 hours and she was begging for me to stop. Around like 8 o'clock, my friend suddenly entered to the room while I was smoking, and asked when she's gonna leave, she in a revenge mood again, told him that never, if I agree, he said "he won't" and he left. Then she started to talk like, I am way way more better in bed than he is, she wants to visit me from time to time but not in this house, not when he is around blabla. I told her that I love someone, but let's not lose contacts and keep it friendly. She said okay but she maybe asking it one more time if she doesn't regret this night totally. I said let's see, and found her a taxi. Back to house, my friend was extremely cool, he said sorry, he was drunk, and bragged how he gifted me the girl and we did some manly talk how we fucked her, bro fist etc. Next day she messaged me it was the first time in her life that she made with 2 different guys, I asked what was the threesome thing then, she said she wanted it but nobody agrees the idea, so it will remain like an idea unless I have some good friend like myself. I said I don't have, she said then she will find it in Netherlands hopefully, and she took the plane in the same evening. Now she tells me she will be back in a week or so, hire an apartment for me to have another "fuck marathon" and I'm like, fuck this life man. For a bitch like this normally, I need to spend thousand bucks in a club, dinners, activities and lots of energy if I was seeking for, now I don't want it, I don't need it, they start appearing in my bed with open legs...
I don't know... It wasn't my decision, I would probably reject the idea lying down next to her if I wasn't drunk and she wasn't naked. I don't fear the idea of telling it to my girl, but she will never believe, but otherwise, I'm still cheating on paper no matter what.
Fuck. What would you guys do?
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On September 25 2018 12:54 L_Master wrote:
Moreover, you've been with 90 women. You obviously love sex, and are highly attractive to women. Hell, you've mentioned you've already even open up Tinder and grabbed some cute matches even if you didn't meet with this women. You're not going to be happy in this arrangement at all, and you ARE going to cheat
On September 25 2018 12:54 L_Master wrote:
I think? The odds of a man like yourself or anyone who has those kinds of partners is that they are going to cheat. In rare, VERY rare exceptions, a man's character is strong enough to hold him back. With thoughts like "I think" that is NOT you. Don't promise this woman monogamy. If you already did, walk it back. You're going to be disappointed in the end or you're going to hurt her making promises you can't keep.
I did call that. Guys that sleep with dozens of women do so for a reason. They like sex and women are readily available to them.
So you fucked up as far as I understand it. You cheated. No way around that.
I don't know... It wasn't my decision, I would probably reject the idea lying down next to her if I wasn't drunk and she wasn't naked.
Sorry. Total bullshit. Yes, being drunk makes it easier to give into temptation. Yes, this girl gave you a fucking ridiculous level of temptation. Nevertheless, you did tell the DJ gal you guys were monogamous, and you have full control over your body. You chose to get wasted. You chose to sit next to her. You chose to bang her brains out.
I don't think you're a terrible person. I do think you made a bad promise you couldn't keep, but regardless you should own your mistakes.
now I don't want it, I don't need it, they start appearing in my bed with open legs...
This motif happens often. You resisting her and not being seduced right away turns her on more. Common theme. You're also probably less needy now in general.
One night was trouble, which I did not tell her about it. But I feel deeply strange whether if I should tell her or not.
Yes. You should tell her. Hiding the fact you cheated is further dishonesty, which is something I'm strongly opposed to. And dude, you're going to keep cheating on her. You messed this up primarily because you promised her something you couldn't give her, monogamy. Tell her with the expectation of a breakup in mind. If she doesn't, immediately explain that being monogamous isn't an option for you and you will always be seeing other women.
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I'm thinking to tell her she's free to see others if she likes.
And then probably tell her the whole story when we meet. Not sure she's gonna believe. Dude, I'm really not searching for it. My friend brings at least 3-4 girls with his friend every weekend and you don't know the lies we produce to keep them away from me, the last 2 times I said the girls my penis doesn't go up, and kept playing Dota 2 like a nerd, they made fun of me and pitied me even. One offered a doctor... I told them I'm in depression once. I am seriously trying. But believe me it's so hard when the chicks are walking around in the house half naked. They offered me blowjobs to see if my dick is really not able to up. Just imagine how stupid moments I'm finding myself into. I feel like I can stop it if I move from this party house. The fucking atmosphere here tempts everyone.
fun shit: my friend's uncle came for a visit, I found him fucking in the garden with a 18yo chick because the chick really loved the grills he made and was even calling him daddy whole night. the guy is married and he was lecturing him to stop this life earlier that day.
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Well, I would upload pictures but feels wrong. It's just a duplex house in the city center where the most crowded clubs are in 10 mins distance. And the girls usually coming by are tourists who play dating apps, seeking free drinks and get some good accommodation. Frat house stuff was fun, everyone was up to some activities and the idea of sex was surprising, at least for us. Now it feels like something people do as a part of invisible rule when they come here, even sometimes they don't really like each other. Last year there was one moroccan girl pissed off becaue some friends wanted to check her belt if she has c4's on her, she was an accounting manager of 5 star hotel or something, they just met in the club and came to chill in the garden, at the very entrance of the house they made this joke to her, it was one of the most cringey nights, she kept talking about politics in a red face. And then they still fucked like animals, in the morning she left without saying anything with that angry face still going on. People are crazy.
Hah, you made me remember my highschool times. We were asking each other when we're gonna have sex like any other guy on the planet, what are we missing, how losers we're, how it would feel to get a bj, trying to convince a girl for a kiss. Fuck. Best days of my life. ;_;
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On October 11 2018 08:10 lastpuritan wrote:Hey guys, it has been 20 days or so since my DJ lover left for China. We have been pretty much spending the whole nights on video calls. I'm merely adopting the idea to embrace her meeting with guys in clubs at around 2.00 am to 4.00 am.. At first it was very frustrating to know that she's in a club with lots of flirty men around, but she started to call me when they're around, especially the flirty ones, and assured me they are good guys while they can hear. Kinda nice attitude. And always calling me when she's back, never drunk or anything. On my part, I'm focused on my work, trying to find some decent flats to be prepared when she comes. And froze my Tinder account. One night was trouble, which I did not tell her about it. But I feel deeply strange whether if I should tell her or not. My co-worker and I was spending time in the house, then he met a kazakh girl via Badoo app, she was clubbing and came to our flat to say hi, and meet with him. I left them alone after some whiskey was enjoyed together, they talked for hours and then they fucked. While I was out of the room for wc, I saw her in her panties and she smiled, ran away. Only glimpse I had was she had a squat ass, which I really like in women. But anyways. I returned. Few days later, they arranged another meeting for chilling and fucking again. I didn't spend lots of time with them. She only asked the meaning of my tattoos and I took my drink, left. They again talked for hours, I only interrupted them for couple of more glasses, I really love drunk gaming. Then at around 4.00 am, they were downstairs and fucking, my friend called my name and said me to go to my room for 10 mins. I thought they are planning some sort of kinky stuff in balcony or so. And went downstairs. Entered to my room, lights were out, saw her completely naked, lying down on my bed, butts out in a way that is inviting. The first thing she said she knows I have girlfriend and struggling not to be a bad boy, but this won't count. At first I thought it's a sick joke to test me. I sat down and asked what happened. She told me she is so drunk, and while having sex with my friend, she said she enjoys threesome and asked my friend if he wants it. My friend rejected but he said she can do with me if she wants. Then she said to me that she actually found me more attractive than him even in the first night but was very shy to talk about it. And then she kinda felt my friend was not totally okay with the idea he suggests, said it half angrily to her, she said okay let's go have sex in front of him, then she would still enjoy it. He got more jealous and pushed her into my room. It was a pretty fucked up situation for me. Then I said her, let's just wait half an hour or so, and then you can tell him we did it and you can leave because she was angry at him to push her into the room like a whore and felt that she kinda was in some revenge mode also. Obviously they had some sorta connection since they talked for hours before they had sex. She agreed to wait. My friend shouted from his room to send her via taxi in the morning, she got more angry and left out the room, took whiskey and came back. By the way, meantime she's completely naked, a tanned, a little busty girl with huge breasts and a damn ass, a little chinese eyes, shaped lips, pretty petite body, I believe you can imagine. A pocket Kim Lee if you know her, a bit more tanned and sharp eyes we can say. It's extremely hard for me 3 weeks without sex and this one is already in bed, as if the satan is real and the mthrfkr is fucking with me. However, she sat by me, we kept drinking and she said she will sleep, she started to sleep on my lap. Mister lastpuritan the junior starts to take control, she constantly moves head around it, to find a "better spot" to sleep, fake as shit. Then for a last attempt, I said I want to sleep also and went for my couch. In 10 mins or so, she said she is freezing, is it possible for me to come and hug her, nothing will happen, promise. Okay I lied down and she put her ass right on the spot, took my arm around her like I am boyfriend, and kept sleeping like this. I don't know for how long we remained like that, I was struggling not to puke, getting angry at myself for drinking that much. She took my hand and put it on her boobs, making me grasp it and check it... THAT MY FRIENDS. WAS THE FUCKING FINAL MOMENT THAT BITCH HAD THE CONTROL. I told her enough, you will get what you ask for, and I fucked her for god knows how long, maybe 2 hours and she was begging for me to stop. Around like 8 o'clock, my friend suddenly entered to the room while I was smoking, and asked when she's gonna leave, she in a revenge mood again, told him that never, if I agree, he said "he won't" and he left. Then she started to talk like, I am way way more better in bed than he is, she wants to visit me from time to time but not in this house, not when he is around blabla. I told her that I love someone, but let's not lose contacts and keep it friendly. She said okay but she maybe asking it one more time if she doesn't regret this night totally. I said let's see, and found her a taxi. Back to house, my friend was extremely cool, he said sorry, he was drunk, and bragged how he gifted me the girl and we did some manly talk how we fucked her, bro fist etc. Next day she messaged me it was the first time in her life that she made with 2 different guys, I asked what was the threesome thing then, she said she wanted it but nobody agrees the idea, so it will remain like an idea unless I have some good friend like myself. I said I don't have, she said then she will find it in Netherlands hopefully, and she took the plane in the same evening. Now she tells me she will be back in a week or so, hire an apartment for me to have another "fuck marathon" and I'm like, fuck this life man. For a bitch like this normally, I need to spend thousand bucks in a club, dinners, activities and lots of energy if I was seeking for, now I don't want it, I don't need it, they start appearing in my bed with open legs... I don't know... It wasn't my decision, I would probably reject the idea lying down next to her if I wasn't drunk and she wasn't naked. I don't fear the idea of telling it to my girl, but she will never believe, but otherwise, I'm still cheating on paper no matter what. Fuck. What would you guys do?
What
a
Roller coaster.
I'd be terrified, but I'd have to tell her. That shit eats you up if you leave it inside. You owe it to her as well. She's probably gonna leave you, since it sounds like she's putting in a lot of effort despite being around people. Brace yourself for it, it's gonna hurt.
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I’m at the point where I crave an intimate relationship over a physical one. Only problem is I have no clue how to get started again. I’m fucking terrified to let someone in cause everytime I do it it has never worked out.
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On October 11 2018 11:22 Emnjay808 wrote:
I’m at the point where I crave an intimate relationship over a physical one. Only problem is I have no clue how to get started again. I’m fucking terrified to let someone in cause everytime I do it it has never worked out.
Problem is there's no way to get one without letting someone in.
There's no one way to go for a deep relationship, but any relationship can probably turn into one if both parties are interested. I guess of the dates/relationships you get into, try and talk (or just hang out) more to really get a feel for whether you're really interested in the person.
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On October 11 2018 11:51 Dark_Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On October 11 2018 11:22 Emnjay808 wrote:
I’m at the point where I crave an intimate relationship over a physical one. Only problem is I have no clue how to get started again. I’m fucking terrified to let someone in cause everytime I do it it has never worked out. Problem is there's no way to get one without letting someone in. There's no one way to go for a deep relationship, but any relationship can probably turn into one if both parties are interested. I guess of the dates/relationships you get into, try and talk (or just hang out) more to really get a feel for whether you're really interested in the person.
I always think of the quote "it's better to have lived and loved than to have never loved at all". If the thought of dating someone, or rather the pain of breaking up is so great the entire relationship isn't worth it...then don't date. If you think about and decide it is worth it, then get back out there and don't stress that things could (probably will) end at some point.
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I miss waking up with a full heart and feeling genuinely happy. Skimming through this thread’s current topic about feeling unfulfilled with one night stands really made me realize that.
It’s extremely challenging to break out of my open dating lifestyle and start seeking serious relationships, for many reasons. One of which I previously posted about.
I serously hope I get out of this rut or w/e it is I’m experiencing cause it feels like I’m wasting my time away 😕
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Lol Lastpuritan what story!
Of course you did cheat, that's pretty black and white
And you should tell her, be a man don't just say she can see other guys without coming clean.
Because if you don't and you keep talking to her etc. You're misleading her, many people including me have a hard stance against cheating, while she's abroad and could be moving on and not hold back if she meets someone, not just in terms of sex but a relationship + feelings
Instead of being strung along emotionally
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@lastpuritan
i dunno what the nature of your relationship is because i havent read previous posts, but if you want to keep the relationship alive and you think shes gonna be the mother of your children i honestly dont think you should tell her.
as others have said, id say the likelihood of her leaving you or doing something stupid out of pure anger or vengeance is very high and you will part ways
if you can accept that result then you should do the right thing and tell her, but if you definitely do not want to lose her then dont.
it may not be the right thing to do, but the best forms of diplomacy dont come from 100% honesty. sometimes it just better to keep your mouth shut if theyre better off not knowing. if youre sure that it wouldnt happen again and youre worth putting faith in still, then just keep it to yourself.
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It's about morals I guess
But it feels like a dick move if she's away for many months and is "saving" herself for you, closing herself off to other people. And it'll always create this block at the back of your head that there's something you're hiding from her.
If you two are really strong and you come clean and explain the drunkenness/the situation you might still have a great relationship afterwards when she comes back, the chance is probably below 50% depending on her values
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Btw getting the tinder premium thing
Need it to optimise my profile
What's really neat is that you can change your location
I'll travel back to the UK after 4 years so will be nice to get some cool dates lined up as a by-product
And I don't waste local people when testing my profile 
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On October 11 2018 18:44 LemOn wrote:
It's about morals I guess
But it feels like a dick move if she's away for many months and is "saving" herself for you, closing herself off to other people. And it'll always create this block at the back of your head that there's something you're hiding from her.
If you two are really strong and you come clean and explain the drunkenness/the situation you might still have a great relationship afterwards when she comes back, the chance is probably below 50% depending on her values
its more about probability than morals.
theres no question that the morally correct thing to do is to come clean. the issue is the probability of the relationship surviving afterwards and whether the op is ok with a breakup or if he desperately does not want to end the relationship.
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EPT
